Sex and the City: The Puzzle of Mr. Big

[@thetake]

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[@Fournier46]

WOW - perfectly scripted & skillfully put together video (and great voicework). Great condensed insight into the psychology of love, personal insequrities, and all that.

[@SurgeryIsWoke]

Guys, revisit Closer. Not The Closer, Closer starring Natalie Portman and Jude Law.

[@Mia-lh9xq]

Wow somehow big reminds me of don drapper

[@val5995]

Please do character & film analysis on the tv show MOM. I think it teaches us a lot and I would love to see the character analysis. Love your channel btw

[@kaitlyncurry8592]

Could you guys do character analysis on the characters of that 70s show? The development and journey of each character through out the run of the show is very interesting. Thank you for reading this suggestion and I love this channel!

[@camieaux]

The video focuses way too much on Carries' flaws. Carrie was ABSOLUTELY toxic af but Big was super manipulative. Throughout the whole show, he is only emotionally available to Carrie when she isn't available to him, and as soon as he gets her back he switches off. He strung her along and refused to commit but stalked/harassed or resorted to petty antics to incite jealousy (so much that even Samantha had to step in) when she was happy with other men. While she was dating Aiden he stalked her, called her constantly, showed up to her apartment and other places she worked/hung out unannounced, & preyed on her feelings to forcefully initiate an affair despite Carries' initial refusal. Big isn't a puzzle. He's an avoidant. Neither of them was perfect, but if we're gonna analyze Carrie, we gotta talk about Big too.

[@brideofallunquietthings888]

Seriously, yes! I don't know how people can ignore this.

[@gigicolada]

Very good point that I didn’t recall until I read this.

[@FabalociousDee]

It's just fashionable to shit on the protagonist these days.

[@marcellametcalfe275]

@@FabalociousDee 💀💀💀

[@biljam972]

They are both toxic people, but at least he was pretty upfront with his flaws. She constantly played victim and was overly dramatic and demanding. I don't get how he didn't just dump her forever. I couldn't live with all that drama, exhausting.

[@aprilcaddell6335]

Carrie had a lot of issues, but her being upset about his being engaged was not her worst moment. He'd literally told her while they were dating that he never wanted to get married again, which she learned the hard way is often code for "I don't want to marry you." And she explicitly called him out on that, in her typical dramatic way of course. Carrie's biggest mistake was not learning that ambiguity should be taken as a no.

[@selenachan4230]

Carrie refuses to realize that Big doesn't see her as relationship material. She doesn't want to believe hipingy if she stay, big will come to his senses

[@cheesecake4648]

"but *she* being upset"...

[@winning3329]

Her character wasted her time with an emotionally unavailable male when she could have been searching for the man who will treat her right. Don't let a boyfriend keep you from finding your husband.

[@chrisparkes]

Matt McConaughey’s reading of “Thats BULLSHIT Carrie and you know it !!!” still cracks me up to this day. It comes out of left field.

[@btrixlestrange]

It's so good 🤣🤣

[@PotatoCouch666]

It's also the way he says it. like he is coked out of his mind. Cracks me up every time!

[@yvonneshanson1525]

I wanted to comment "that's bs Carrie and you know it", thank you !😅

[@bettyhabtemariamivares3543]

Right? 😂😂😂

[@sersastark]

Those saying she should have ended up with Aidan are forgetting about lifestyles. Carrie tried a few times to live the simpler life with Aidan and it didn't work. Had she married Aidan they would have divorced. Big is drama and Carrie needs drama to be interested and feel alive/complete.

[@littlewomenchannel]

Aidan also wanted kids and Carrie didn´t. Their values were complete opposite. With Big Carrie herself is often the one who creates the drama. She is her own worst enemy.

[@sersastark]

@@littlewomenchannel yep

[@nicoleono2326]

Yes, finally someone who sees it for what it is!

[@briannabrickey444]

Serah Olivia yeah and he wanted the simple life and she is more materialistic. He wanted kids, she didn't, it was never going to last.

[@sailorarwen6101]

People are personifying Carrie with themselves. THEY want Aiden.

[@chloekrol7152]

Carrie is actually just stuck in teen times. She is like teen girl dreaming about older man who will eventually solve all of you problems. And she have found this in mr.Big

[@MalloryNewcomb]

That’s an interesting take. She does have a teenage naïveté and immaturity at times Her friends up the maturity of the show

[@pln4679]

@@MalloryNewcomb love your insight. except for maybe Charlotte though, she’s low key a little naive as well

[@pln4679]

@@MalloryNewcomb Miranda and Samantha were more realists. And Charlotte/Carrie have these unattainable expectations that they aren’t willing to achieve themselves...

[@gianmarcorusso1713]

@@pln4679 But Charlotte was a tender person at least :)

[@gianmarcorusso1713]

That's everything bad in SATC, in a nutshell.

[@jadomi]

Not a Carrie fan, but Mr. Big played games with her. She was obviously head over heels for him and expressed that she wants a future with him. He's the one who didn't want to commit to her but yet kept going back. Therefore giving her hope. Everytime she had a serious relationship he wanted her. Anyone might be driven to rage by having their feelings played with like a toy. If anyone treats you like this in real life, cut them loose permanently.

[@mario10zeus]

If you let him play with your feelings once, shame on him. If you let him do it multiple times, shame on you.

[@alexdg8223]

I couldn't agree more!!

[@EmpressJusticeTarot]

The problem with Original Recipe Carrie is that she wants a particular lifestyle, and she doesn't think she's smart or capable enough to get it on her own. Her infatuation with Big was never about love. Not really. There was no reason she couldn't have had the Cinderella story she wanted, it didn't HAVE to be with him. But she led herself down that road deliberately, because she didn't want to be wrong.

[@ThisCurrentCulturePodcast]

@@EmpressJusticeTarot 👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿

[@deepeshmathuria]

While that's true. Carrie always had issues when it's going good she's an issue there's no spark, when there's an issue she goes berserk with madness, it's like she wants a bipolar relationship.

[@evgeniyaseminenko8594]

Not gonna lie I prepared to watch a video against big completely and I always disliked him but things from his perspective do make sense. Still the whole bunch of problems but Carrie is incredibly immature oh god

[@MyssBlewm]

I rewatched the show a few years ago and felt like Big wasn't as big of an asshole as I recalled, especially in the first season. I felt the same with the second movie. The first movie was OK but I came out of the second movie annoyed that the movie tried to justify Carrie being upset with Big. They were having some issues with their marriage and Big saw that some space between them helped the both of them clear their heads so he suggests maybe Carrie keep her old apartment so that if she needs some space she can go to her apartment. Instead of talking it out Carrie interprets it as Big pushing her away and she continues to internalize it to the point that she kisses an ex. It felt like Carrie reverted back to season 1 Carrie, which is so stupid considering everything she and Big had gone through in the show and first film.

[@evgeniyaseminenko8594]

@@MyssBlewm god. I never watched the second movie. The first one was enough but it`s good to know Carrie literally never learns. Watching her go crazy with the wedding was enough of frustration for me. Again. Big had shit tone of character flaws but the older I get the more I can`t stand Carrie.

[@mjszy1]

@@MyssBlewm yea it annoyed me that she got what she wanted but was upset that he didn't want to go out after a day's work. Her life at that point was fluff. She wrote on her own time, had money, and wasn't really stressed by her work. She was and ended the series as selfish.

[@radhiadeedou8286]

I realized that about 2 years ago when I rewatched that episode where he tells Carrie he's not ready to introduce her to his mother and she stalked them in a church

[@aspyn.j_]

@@evgeniyaseminenko8594 i can forgive her going crazy with the wedding because it was her first. yes, this would have been big's 3rd marriage but come on, it's her FIRST. i do think they should have communicated more when it came to the actual ceremony and each compromised their expectations to avoid the mess that eventually went down, though.

[@sharonmwitari]

Their relationship is a clear manifestation of the dynamic between anxiously attached people(Carrie) and avoidant attached(Big)

[@louisa3928]

Totally

[@gina7800]

So interesting 🤔 thank you for sharing 💜

[@zarlashtkhan3740]

Yesss, I read someone’s interpretation on that on Reddit and it was so good and makes so much sense through that lens, especially Big

[@AbbieGirl46]

I have to say, as a woman who is very much like Carrie, sometimes you don't realize how much you make up in your own head that when the truth is given to you, it just doesn't make sense.

[@KishBish]

FACTS.. I'm very similar too, and I know I can run faaaaar away with my thoughts if I feel left in the dark 😩 that's why I need to only entertain relationships with men who are great at openly communicating.. only that's not who I seem to attract 🥴

[@miggans21012]

Like it or lump it I'm pretty much like Carrie Bradshaw and most of my partners were like Big.

[@TheOlya420]

Girl that is the greatest self awareness a person can have. You have 80% of your life problems solved right there. I am writing this as a therapist (3 years late on the comment section but still). if Carrie only had half that insight. She gets a glimpse of it here and there but nothing that sticks

[@cosmospray]

Let me cry my eyes out to that statement 😢

[@slimjen1000]

Yes, I think that's why I related to her so much in my early 20s and early 30s. It took alot of work to break down the glamour and fairy tale of love, releasing the anxious attachment style

[@nadjahansson7850]

Big has an avoidant attachment style, Carrie has an anxious attachment style. Big has problems with commitment, Carrie has problems with intimacy. Both has problems with trust. Sadly it takes them the whole show to show each other that they are actually there for each other, but that is how it goes. Big is never abusive, he is just avoidant. Carrie is never co dependent, she is just anxious. And sure the whole show is terrible materialistic, but wasn't it a SATIRE about the mordern (millenium) NYC life with all its glamour? A SATIRE? (feel like most people forgot about this part....)

[@lepetitchat123]

of course it's not a satire. All that materialism is a big money maker for the show.

[@katherinealvarez4900]

Very well said

[@smallbunny1772]

Total agree! But I would say Carrie is co dependent and anxious

[@JennaLeigh]

Thank you! The Tumblr generation has jumped in with all their buzzwords, catch phrases, and self diagnosing bullshit. The show was meant to be satire- they even quote the show's CREATOR saying "they betrayed the entire concept".

[@irenedove2881]

@@JennaLeigh i mean i still think it was kinda taking a dig at that lifestyle, especially with carrie winding up in financial problems with a closet full of designer shoes and clothes. And the whole samantha getting a birkin bit was so ridiculous. And now everyone is actually doing it. Maybe the show started to lose the satire feel because society became even more ridiculous around it. Lol.

[@LesbianCinemaCircuit]

Please do a vid on Samantha! Shes the best character hands down, and even though she's potrayed as man obsessed, on countless occasions she stook by her friends and put them first, when they repeatedly would put the men in their lives first and ditch their friends

[@mynameisreallycool1]

They already made one for her. Check it out, it's really good.

[@Jonunu1607]

@@mynameisreallycool1 I cant find it :( Am i searching for the wrong thing?

[@mynameisreallycool1]

@@Jonunu1607 Oh I'm sorry i got Miranda mixed up with Samantha. There's no video on her yet. Sorry about that.

[@skylar_kada]

Tbh she was more dick obsessed than man obsessed 😂 Which is still better

[@yourstruly7086]

Birdie's-Better-Bot-Beats definitely the BEST character in the show and of the friend group

[@sera6266]

I feel like Big's charisma was more alluring for Carrie, rather than him being rich

[@CaitlinMaharg11]

I agree!

[@tnt01]

@@CaitlinMaharg11 I think so too. The money was just a really nice bonus :)

[@kendradunn3907]

Jokes and sex will get ya

[@tnt01]

@@kendradunn3907 all the time. lol

[@Mel-oe3dw]

This!!

[@SonyaEthelMUA]

Miranda and Samantha are the only characters that aged well and are still relevant in 2019.

[@veronicajade20]

😂😂😂

[@VerdeLane]

Charlotte was problematic and retro even back then. I hated how much Miranda reminded me of myself and wanted to be more like Carrie. Fast forward all these years later, I'm fine being a Miranda. But I wish I had the courage to a Samantha lol.

[@BrownRiceBunny1]

Charlotte is still relevant. We all know that person that has tunnel vision on their idealized goal only to realize that something isn’t as good a fit they thought it would be. The fit might be tolerable but it still doesn’t fit right.

[@Lafemmefutile]

For real. They are my favorite characters. They were more resilient and less easily swayed by men tricks. They were not girls who fantasized their lives, they made the best of what they had financially and romantically, putting themselves first every time and it paid.

[@Katie_Woo]

miranda is strong, independent and takes charge of her life- I loved her then and even more now

[@justnabi3514]

I always joke saying "whatever is big about Mr big isn't his heart nor personality" I feel proud of myself for understanding this even when I was younger

[@palaciospalacios9319]

Hahahahahah

[@Lafemmefutile]

For real 😂

[@darkdream1469]

Lol 😂

[@Some_guy_passing_by]

His wallet and probably the other head ..

[@simonenin71]

Don’t worry we all knew what was “big” about him 😉

[@allavnukova5980]

Big didn't have any commitment problems. The only woman he didn't want to commit to was Carrie. She was some kind of an exotic toy for him: funny, made him laugh, etc. He never really loved her though. He knew he had this power over her, and that she was always available for him. Very convenient.

[@dr.m6152]

I've been in this situation and this is 100% true.

[@Rita-s1z5e]

He didn't really commit to Natasha either. Ya he married her, but he didn't see that commitment through because he started cheating on her as soon as he got bored. She was just a toy to him as well.

[@julierowe1732]

Sure, I bet that's why he was already divorced and then cheated with Carrie on the second wife. No commitment problems there. 👀

[@danilaroche1156]

​Same here. Daddy issues & soul ties. Jesus saves.

[@ceren9877]

I think Big never really loved Carrie. But he loved the way Carrie loved him. He knew noone would care him as much as Carrie did especially after the heart attack thing. Ironically after Carrie took care of him for his surgery, Big realised how perfect she would be for him to getting old together. When he was perfectly healthy he would never consider being intimate again with Carrie. He always wanted to know that Carrie would be avaible for him when he decides to settle someday. There are many examples of that in the show: when Big saw that Aiden and Carrie are happy and serious he suddenly wanted to be with Carrie just to not lose her, same with when russian and Carrie moved to Paris he again afraid to lose her and stepped in. In all those times Big simply didnt want to lose Carrie's unconditional love. Even in the movies Big is only motivated by the fear of losing Carrie. When Aiden and Carrie kissed in Abu Dhabi he just accepted that and actually awarded Carrie which is crazy. Normal guy would make it a big deal and at least be angry for his/her partner for a while. Unlike that, Big just changed everything Carrie complained about him after he found about the kiss. Like i said Big only cares about not losing Carrie and having her by his side. He doesnt love her, he just knows that he can't find unconditional love.

[@ilovejcolee]

I really love this comment and agree 100%

[@ceren9877]

@@ilovejcolee aw thank you im glad someone actually read it haha.

[@ilovejcolee]

@@ceren9877 I'm so conflicted been reading the comments on here for the past 45 minutes. The general consensus is that Carrie was crazy/too demanding/too clingy too soon and drove Big away. Which I can kind of see. But I don't think Big really gave her much to work with, right? Like I felt he just gave her bread crumbs to feed on all along. Idk. Not that anyone's at fault I just think maybe a bad match?

[@ceren9877]

@@ilovejcolee well the main point was carrie always loved big more so i dont see her being clingy its just she had more feelings for him. big cared for her yes but i never saw love or high feelings on his side. for example with aidan you can see that he really loved carrie. big was just not that into carrie he settled down because carrie is the best option to grow old. but yeah they were bad match from the beginning.

[@ilovejcolee]

@@ceren9877 Omg yes!!! You said it perfectly, AGAIN! I think that's exactly it. Because with Aiden she was never clingy or irrational or overreacting. Different people bring out different sides of you, right? That's why I don't like when people bag on Carrie for being "psycho". I don't think she's psycho I think Big just brought out that insecure side of her (because she could feel she loved him more). You know? I guess it just comes down to... don't go for people that make you feel psycho? Haha. Like surely there has to be a happy medium out there for everyone where the person they love, loves them back equally?

[@jeremyd5850]

I always prefer Aiden. He was sweet, hardworking and caring

[@jzwalz51robin45]

Agreed! He deserved someone better than Carrie.

[@goldburnm]

@@jzwalz51robin45 Yes I'm happy Aiden got away from her.

[@jeremyd5850]

JZWALZ51 ROBIN I have to agree. He was a good guy and she did him dirty.

[@justnabi3514]

Jeremy Daniel agReeD

[@girlinterrupted9792]

He was too good for Carrie.

[@QuirkyShiny]

Always makes me think of 'when someone shows you who they are, believe them'. Carrie sees what she wants.

[@TechnicJunglist]

Carrie was not 'sensitive' she's selfish, borderline narcissist, and a bad friend. If anything Big was up front with her from the beginning.

[@BreeQuinn]

TechnicJunglist finally someone sees this! He was VERY up front and she kept Trying to make him something he wasn’t.

[@TechnicJunglist]

@@BreeQuinn clingy, whiny, and needy as well I might add lol she was the worst and made up stories in her own head about their relationship.

[@aror6480]

I always hated her. She was the character I most disliked. I dud not understand why friends looked up at her. I loved Samantha and Miranda. Even Charlotte was good.

[@TechnicJunglist]

@@aror6480 same

[@kristagrym]

If she is a bad friend how in the hell has friends?

[@Jtz-]

Browning the garlic before adding the onions is a big culinary mistake

[@Yolanda8419]

Yep, the garlic will burn out before the onion caramelizes.

[@indarwen]

wrong, the onion will prevent garlic to brown and to burn, so you just put garlic first wait till brown and then onions, that way onions will juice up and prevent garlic from burn

[@Jtz-]

@@indarwen sure

[@Nina-rg8es]

LOL, that's your takeaway on this?

[@laraking804]

Julia Tz Thank you! 😄

[@lisasmyth5555]

Big for me was always the representation of that person that you can never have. You are infatuated with them but can never really have them and the actual reality is not what you hoped. There’s so many times when he does something that is in character for him yet Carrie is disappointed. I also was surprised they ended up together because it didn’t seem like they had very much in common either🤷‍♀️

[@elizabethmelnychuk6034]

Get rid. Mike your own life and the a man will come along who is worth you.

[@shilohp3389]

I think there was supposed to be more seasons but they had to end the show at season 6 due to money issues. So they probably ended up together due to a rushed ending.

[@Chinky111987]

As an adult, I realized how crazy Carrie was a lot of the time and how big wasn’t as bad as I thought he was when I was younger.

[@ChickAboutTown]

I was thinking that too. I originally watched the show when I was at college...and now watching this as a 40-year-old. Wow!

[@Undeterminedtv]

Yeah!!! I started watching it when I was 14 and I thought, wow he’s such a jerk. Rewatched it at 18 and I’m like okay so...Carrie is the WORST. Big is too but at first he was really just a guy

[@brideofallunquietthings888]

I am writing this because of seeing all the people defending Mr. Big. Obviously he is free to live his life how he wants, but in terms of the relationship he has with Carrier (how they relate to each other and what is created because of it) he IS a part of the problem. What frustrates me is this notion that doing nothing is somehow okay. There is a reason that Carrie acts crazy in particular around Big. I do think she has an anxious attachment style, bordering on disorganized/ ambivalent attachment, and behaves codependently in many ways in her romantic relationships. This means that she is overly conserned with what her partners are doing, thinking, feeling, or not doing thinking, feeling out of a need for them to behave and feel a cetain way for her to feel safe in the relationship. She also sacrifices aspects of herself, wants and needs (whether asked to or not) for the sake of the relationship, and continues to overly try to please or bring closer her partners, but pushes them away when she feels rejected (whether real or imagined). I hate to nutshell such a huge and deep issue that comes from childhood trauma no matter how subtle, but I'm saying that her behavior does create toxic relationships. And it is what makes her character so relevant, and hated. Many many of us have to some degree her attachment style, and even if we don't act it out, we can feel it internally, and even hate that part of ourselves. Understanding her part can illuminate some of Big's part. His lack of responsiveness is not just neutral, it antagonizes Carrie. Someone who is not available , not interested makes that DIFINITIVELY clear. Instead he strings her along, up to the point of having an affair with her. If you do not believe me that being not reactive is dangerous, watch the still face baby expiriment and tell me it does not mirror this relationship. This brings me to my original point, that doing "nothing," isn't okay. When someone is trying to connect with you and you just stand or sit there like a blob, it is TOXIC. It is antagonizing, and to do it to someone predisposed to the above listed attachment stlyes, it can cause them (the partner) to act crazy. And it is not an accident, it is part of the person's (usually unconscious) need to string people along, cause them to chase them, or keep them feeling insecure or sure where they stand. As are other behaviors of Bigs like little jabs at Carrie or backhanded compliments, or questioning her ways. Perhaps the writers made Big's avoidant behaviors too subtle, but they still created a character that would toxily pair with Carrie. I am not excusing her character either. Neither one is a bad person, but they are absolutely creating unhealthy relationships. I say this because I see it too much out in the real world too. People excusing "nothingness." I know that is a weird way of saying that. You can say people didn't do anything, but when did that become healthy? When did it become healthy and okay to not care about someone? To ignore them when they are expressing themselves? To not understand them or even bother to try? To make it a habit of just discounting and dissmissing? When did humanity become okay with not having humanity?

[@carolinemarchand4743]

I am a woman, I would push a man who would behave like Carrie far far away from me, she is crazy and abusive

[@Grace-mb8tb]

I think saying Carrie is worse than big is just underlying misogyny. She’s an anti hero, and also a character that shows the imperfections of many women that we don’t like to see or admit. Big is a bad person and calling him ‘just a guy’ excuses all of his behaviour and yet says that Carrie should be the one punished. No I’m not as dramatic or at times selfish as Carrie but she’s not the worst. She’s a person, and saying she’s worse than Big is saying that boys will be boys and they’re not responsible for their actions but women have to be which is wrong and damaging

[@margaritam.9118]

Samantha: (on Big) This guy, he’s a next Donald Trump! Samantha: (to Smith) Stay till the end of the party, Harvey Weinstein is here. You can’t miss this opportunity. Me: (rewatching in 2019) Sam, you would never guess...

[@karineehello]

she knew

[@AndSoWeLaughed]

She knew. The sex crazed woman who it’s enthusiastic and has career potential? Yeah... she knew. Everyone knew, that’s why she suggested it.

[@aquasheep9535]

Margarita M. Well I mean, I don’t think she or anyone knew trump would be president one day. That was a pretty big shock to everyone I think 😂

[@EGMADH]

Aqua sheep! Not really, the guy has been advertising himself for the post since the 80’s, just listen with an open mind. I’m not saying you have to like him but if you want to avoid the shock open your eyes, people loves the guy. 🤯😳

[@irondragonmaiden]

@@EGMADH He might've been advertising it, but until 2016 he was a joke candidate.

[@electricmagnetic]

We've all been Carrie at some point. It's painful to realize that but it's true. Luckily I survived mine and now we're actually friends.

[@KishBish]

yep.. and that's great! I'm praying to get over it soon 😫

[@rosemimi973]

I was there too. No contact with the guy anymore and happy to have left the drama behind.

[@dakotarain7745]

Carrie is generally a really bad partner, always resorts to tantrums, public meltdowns, has general expectations of men that are stereotypical, and is a inconsiderate smoker

[@tatianach917]

Dakota Rain ok the last was not needed. Smokers are not bad ppl

[@saammmy7]

@@tatianach917 There's several instances where Carrie gets all pissy when people ask her not to smoke in their house/car/business and sometimes she just does it anyway. I'd consider that pretty shitty behavior. She also judges men for the most minor flaws but acts all shocked when a guy doesn't want to date her because she smokes.

[@riana4180]

Lou Reed she’s not a bad person for smoking, she’s a bad person because she’s not respectful of the people around her while smoking.

[@jessicaaye3738]

FOR REEEEEAAAAAL. she's nuts

[@makeupdarling6171]

And don't forget insecure and clingy. 😆

[@SunsetGoat]

this is a very good analysis. SATC was revolutianary back then but certainly has not aged well

[@justinrivera6248]

this analysis blows ass and is low key misogynistic

[@user-vi2xr5vb3j]

​@@justinrivera6248 How? Big was always clear about who he was and what he wanted, yet Carrie continued to pursue him doggedly out of selfish desire and possibly narcissistic tendencies. She's a money-grubbing liar if we are honest about it. She complains because Big won't open up to her and continues with the narrative that she wants something stable with someone emotionally available yet when Aiden comes along and gives her all that she decides to constantly mistreat him and then cheat on him with Big as repayment for giving her all she's asked for. She wants Big not because she's in love with he the person, rather what he represents a luxurious lifestyle something which she openly lusts for in the entirety of the show (represented by her consistent and unhealthy materialism throughout). In addition to that, she's self-aggrandizing and imagines herself to be some enlightened woman of the new age yet whenever she finds herself in an unfavorable position that she herself is the author of she turns around and blames the entirety of the male sex, generalizing a half a population just to fit her self-pitying narrative all whilst throwing tantrums like a child and wondering how her life turned out to be so horrible while continuing down the same path over and over and legitimately expecting a different result. What irks me the most about her, however, is the entire time she is dishonest about the person she really is. In action, she is a shallow narcissist who lacks ambition in life other than in her desire to meet her materialism through consumption and creating a column wherein she purports herself to be a modern and independent woman all the while every column she writes is centered around men and her fruitless chase of them. Yet her interpretation of herself is a victim of the men she wantonly pursued this show was self-inflicted torture to watch.

[@RafaHatesU]

I think the show definitely TRIED to show women as complex, independent, selfish, flawed, and it hits in some areas but misses in other areas. I like in a sense that the main character Carrie is flawed in the way she is, as with the other girls. They all have their flaws, but do their best to connect with each other and their respective partners. What HBO often excels at is presenting characters that are often gray morally

[@kristagrym]

The first season was the series prostitute itself to gain more viewers and fame

[@SwimmerPrince]

I for one think it actually aged very well. 20 years later we are still talking about it. Flawed or not. No other show receives similiar treatment.

[@heathermayleigh712]

I had my own Mr. Big and it had nothing to do with money or status. For me, looking back after years of borderline obsession, I now realize it was about the quest for obtaining the unobtainable. He was everything I thought I ever wanted with the huge exception that he just didn't love me back, not in the way I wanted anyway. He and I had the exact same dynamic as Carrie and Big. So toxic.

[@RoxanaLorenaD]

Who did he end up with? What kind of girl?

[@martafiord]

@@RoxanaLorenaDmine ended up alone. Which is even worse as he obviously preferred being alone than being with me.

[@rachelroseangel]

Samantha Jones essay next

[@dashrubberbear]

I know that Sam is all bossy, but you are not her and should say PLEASE.

[@apierre6]

👏👏👏

[@pampoovey6722]

Carrie is literally the worst person. Big isn't even that big (ha) of a jerk. He's pretty upfront with her, especially in the earlier seasons, and Carrie just stays on his shit obsessively. None of Carrie's boyfriends were a good fit for her mind. She's toxic. Now Steve/Miranda and Charlotte/Harry. Those are some relationships I can get behind.

[@karrionnsmith]

Blue Loon I agree

[@BlackCampariBlue]

Samantha/Smith

[@bangchanswebbrowsinghistor5145]

Agreed !

[@lindseybailes2706]

Thank you! Yes! I never got what went wrong w my relationships when I watched SATC... but now I get it.

[@kissarococo2459]

Carrie is bit of a gold digger. She loved his power and money. Big is using her for Sex but gets emotionally attached to her after she starts to wear him down. He even tried to escape Carrie by marrying Natasha! But Big is not a bad guy deep down, he seems almost sad to see Carrie falling for him the way he put his hand on her shoulder when she asks him to commit and he won't answer. As if to comfort her.

[@PufferFishy-t7w]

Casting Chris Noth as Mr. Big, was such a brilliant choice. He has the old Hollywood style.. still gorgeous until today

[@Test-x9k]

He had the charisma to sustain the interest Carrie has for him cause otherwise one couldn't understand why she was so obsessed. He's still a little too dull & opaque to require multiple seasons of interest.

[@rockpaperscisorhand]

Ok but how didn't y'all know I've been watching Sex and the City clips all week and needed this

[@noonelikesmycomment3891]

Me too!!!

[@58314]

Me too!

[@trinat347]

The original creator never wanted Carrie with big or anyone . This show was originally about friendship

[@oof-rr5nf]

To me the show is still about that tho. Did not give two shits about Mr. Big.

[@MyssBlewm]

Right? The best eps are the ones that are more heavily focused on the women's relationships with each other instead of being more focused on the men they're with.

[@jessicawood2972]

That would have been a far better ending. 20 something yr old me was always more concerned with who ended up with who. But now I find myself feeling disappointed when a show doesn't end with evidence that the estranged bff's made up and became friends again. I'm talking to you TVD; y'all should have given me some Dalaric scenes in the finale dammit!

[@jhoang861]

i love the focus on the friendship of those 4 characters!

[@andreasbergqvist6239]

I had a girlfriend watching the show and me only catching short glimpses when passing through the room. For the longest time i thought the show was about three call-girls and their mother.

[@dadaTunes]

I never realized how unhinged Carrie acted towards him.

[@ratherbenapping10]

He never loved her and she never loved herself enough to care

[@monabohamad2242]

Yeah meaning Aiden and Carrie were wrong as HELL together if that's what you mean

[@bhuges6124]

Well said

[@jbjacobs9514]

They only mentioned it once, but as soon as we found out about her dad, we all knew it was fait accompli.

[@alim.9801]

Oh my God you NAILED IT 💯💯💯

[@Richardangelo84]

After re-watching the show, it was clear that if Carrie had chilled out, Mr. Big would have come around eventually. Her friends enabled her erratic behavior too, hence their own issues on the show too.

[@KishBish]

yep, that was the whole point..

[@cremebrulee4759]

Yes! She was always pushing him for a commitment, and she started doing that almost as soon as they started dating.

[@whutdafeq1715]

If he didn't come around after 3 YEARS of dating but proposed to natasha 4 MONTHS after he had met her, then I don't blame her one bit for not chilling out. You're saying she should have wasted MORE of her time for this man-child to decide whether he loves her or not

[@moonstars315]

@@whutdafeq1715 exactly! Great post

[@jrwheeler81]

Carrie pushed Big WAY too hard for a commitment. She was obviously causing him to shy away with how much she kept pushing the issue. Big had already been married and divorced once. He probably had emotional baggage from his divorce and was afraid to get involved in another serious relationship. I totally agree that if Carrie had backed off and knocked off all of her dramatics when it came to essentially demanding that he commit to her, he would have come around. I honestly believe that Carrie eventually started developing some codependency issues when it came to Big.

[@hilaryquinlan837]

A lot of Carrie's fantasy was "Breakfast at Tiffany's " reflecting the golden age of NY, she loved vintage fashion from the 30s, 40s and 50s. Big was just like one of those Hollywood heros from that time.

[@juliettagrey6678]

Carrie treated Big like absolut crap in the second movie. To be honest she treated everyone in like absolut crap in the second movie (e.g. poor Charlotte) but Big was in for a real treat. He is a man in his late 50 at this point and she still expects him to go out every evening and they still struggle over the "should we have kids" topic? Don't get me wrong, ppl in their late 50 still can go out and have fun and be funny but it's perfectly okay to stay home, cook or order in. She was nagging at him constantly.

[@littlewomenchannel]

I pretty much hated Carrie in the films because the films took her materialism to another level and in the second film I thought Carrie was often out of character the way she treated Charlotte. On the second film Big knows his limits and yet Carrie doesn´t change or grow.

[@juliettagrey6678]

@@littlewomenchannel She always treated ppl poorly when they had a different opinion. When she had the cover shoot for her book she slut shamed Sam, she was a total dick when Miranda told her that it would be a bad idea to go out with Big after the whole Natascha dilemma.

[@tanyah6184]

Ugh I hated the second movie, it wasn't true to any of the characters at all. Her kissing Aiden? That never would've went down, she cheated on Aiden with Mr. Big! lol

[@daphnia9664]

@@tanyah6184 and then she got a big black diamond ring for it

[@snakkomsex]

I hated the way Samantha was written in the movies. Espescially the second one. My favourite character was nearly ruined.

[@perfumaphilia3246]

Big represents the life we all want, with everything going for us. He represents everything tempting, alluring, beautiful, luxurious, sexy, elusive, and delicious, the finest life has to offer. He represents the elite, shiny, prosperous, exciting, "perfect" life we all desire deeply, but can never completely attain.

[@Sarah-eh7bw]

And which would make us miserable to actually achieve because it reveals itself to be an empty dream all along-Carrie is always unstable and drained when with Big after all.

[@NelsonStJames]

That wouldn't be such a problem and hard habit to kick if not for the fact that there are people out there who are seemingly able to attain it. The fact that the "American Dream" is being achieved by some people is what keeps hope alive.

[@perfumaphilia3246]

@@NelsonStJames Sure, there are people out there who have attained the American dream. The thing is, that's not what actually brings us happiness or fulfillment. A lucrative job, a nice house, and car are great, but we need a sense of purpose, hobbies that give us joy, healthy relationships with others, and a healthy relationship with ourselves.

[@emamaraca2577]

so Big is like... Daisy Buchanan?

[@perfumaphilia3246]

@@emamaraca2577 Yes! The hollowness of the American dream personified.

[@irenea.]

Big and Carrie: He's just not that into you

[@shanevalentine3220]

Honestly Carrie and Mr. Big are a terrible fit for each other and in general pretty bad people.

[@palaciospalacios9319]

Well that's why they are perfecto for each other they both sucked

[@SimplyyLovelyy3]

Shane Valentine aren’t we all

[@crazy4orlando2]

Big wasn't that bad really. At least not at first. Not good of him to cheat on his wife. Carrie was always so immature so its no wonder big was hesitant to commit. He'd ready been married before and comes with that baggage too. Carrie was too selfish to think about what she would need to bring to the realtionship to help big overcome that baggage. She wanted him to change for her but she refused to be considerate of him.

[@FabalociousDee]

Agreed. Jesus Christ.

[@trinaq]

I agree, I actually sided with Natasha, Big's second wife, over Carrie, and cheered when she gave her a well deserved verbal beat down. Aidan was far too good for Carrie as well, he had a LOT of patience to put up with all of her nonsense!

[@amazingdoublea]

The truth is. Even though logically Mr.Big is awful their story is very...........real. Most of us DO NOT end up with the more logical love but the more all encompassing one.

[@amazingdoublea]

But Carrie is still annoying as HELL

[@corsicanlulu]

yup. people are acting brand new around here

[@cutienerdgirl]

That's why people end up miserable, they choose people that feel good in the moment rather than the future and they choose people based on their potential. That's why I think people should sort out their past trauma before dating anybody.

[@Karma-zp7pb]

Pink I’ll be single forever then😂

[@leahdeitrick4320]

Yes! I'm going through this right now - and to @pink 's comment - I think it depends on what you believe is true of relationships, I believe they are meant to push you, to help you grow. I'm the "awful" Carrie who doesn't want to settle for someone to just do things with.

[@rajnibalakashyap]

In one episode, Carrie calls Samantha deluded, cause of her confidence, it actually angered me up.When its Carrie who is so delusional, assumes most of the things up in her tiny head. Big has always shown one way or the other, that he is just not serious for her. Still all the drama in the world. I liked Carrie as a teenager, now I am rewatching show for Samantha. Team Jones!!!

[@iam4onthesideof2w3]

Samantha wouldn’t be proud of you for putting other woman down lol.

[@rajnibalakashyap]

But she would be proud for speaking up my mind.😉

[@frankinsaneandmyrrh1202]

Just saw this, I think it was even the first episode lol

[@PurplePhoenixRising]

I get upset every time I hear Aidan's name. Aidan Shaw was one of the best men in Carrie's life.

[@hnyflvr]

Oh yes and more attractive than BIG!

[@hofhofandaway]

I’m sorry, but Aiden was Carrie’s Natasha. Fight me.

[@Ryan-pg1tw]

@@hnyflvr Maybe you should express your opinion more respectful

[@toomuchinformation]

@@hofhofandaway No I won't. Aidan was a control freak and tried to mould Carrie into someone else, instead of accepting her as she was. She could never be herself with him.

[@peonylee4773]

She doesn't deserve him.

[@dominicvaldes5890]

Its not simply that he had money.. its that Big had a lot of social capital, was masculine, was looked up to by many other women, hes not needy or clingy, his feelings were a mystery to solve, he had his own clear goals that he focused on.. all this drives women to chase men like this. Miranda set the stage for the obsession. Women are attracted to men other women are attracted to.

[@theredqveen]

no it's because he was rich

[@razmiddle9410]

@@theredqveen If money was the only thing that mattered to women, software developers would be much more successful than they actually are on the dating apps.

[@May-we1qd]

I hate that I just realized I’m Carrie and my relationships literally mimic her and Mr Big 😭😭😭 I need therapy lmaoo

[@KishBish]

a lotttt of women have similar relationships.. they're just acting so perfect in these comments for whatever reason 😏😅

[@elenamendoza1733]

Hahahahahahahaha "we"

[@nowey2251]

Lol it’s ok girl ! It’s ok as long as you recognize it as a problem and take action now to address it you’ll be fine :)

[@jessicawood2972]

She was upset about him marrying Natasha because he did it so quickly. He was with Natasha for less time than Carrie. He always wanted to pump the brakes with her, but jumped into a marriage with BOTH FEET in less time than his relationship with Carrie

[@goddes012]

I feel like they was trying play down her feelings. He is given everything she wanted to another woman

[@ImEmuly]

yeah but that's the point, sometimes the we can't change the other person, sometimes it's just not us they want to be with, and it hurts, but there's nothing to do about it. it's just the way love and relationships work

[@ilovelucyb7173]

Emily Valiente this is so damn true girl you struck a nerve 😩

[@diouranke]

Men do that sometimes , get out of serious relationships of years and marry the girl right after, whether he loves her or not

[@60wwediva]

but carrie was a heavy and exhuasting relationship. I love carrie but she didn't realize that there is a thing with conditoning men and pushing them to marry other women when you keep making a big theme about marriage and commitment when the man isn't ready yet. sometimes the man just doesnt want to marry YOU not just marriage overall. In general he saw this young girl as cool, calm, collected and not desperate plus she was way younger so he gets to take the lead of the relationship while she calmly follows. Carrie was a rollercoaster and gave him a challenge so he was worn out and not ready to date again so he rather lock down the young girl then lose the young girl to someone else

[@elizabethgatsby3442]

I agree that Carrie has an unmistakable lust for material goods but she’s had other suitors just as rich. She was even proposed to in Paris. I think Big represents a fantasy she’s projecting onto him because he keeps her at arms length.

[@anastasiah8683]

Very good observation and analysis.

[@cheery-hex]

Agree. the being rich part was rather stupid

[@batgurrl]

Elizabeth Gatsby I agree but Friends was no better and on Seinfeld Kramer hardly ever worked and was able to pay his rent.

[@JP-ve7or]

Yup. He's unattainable and it drives her nuts.

[@jdlee4358]

Love your Jodie pfp and the name.

[@annamay2977]

What big represents is *perfection* not money. That’s why she acted someone else around him, that’s why she was so obsesses with natasha, that’s why she got the apartment in the movie, that’s why she got shoes worth 40k when she has debt, that’s why she lives in the fabulous manhattan. She’s reached for perfection throughout the entire series even if she tries to accept her “quirky” self. Big is the ultimate depiction of Mr perfect the mr big dream, the mr big apple.

[@maryanneevans8812]

Niiiiice

[@zlatitsamarkova6515]

A toxic relationship at its finest. Too bad people are quick to romanticise this because of the background of Manhattan.

[@edgarmuniz8331]

TRUTH!

[@Mira-wc5ix]

Carrie acted her anxiety out on this guy from day one. She tracked his ex wife down, stalked his mom, asked him to say she's the love of his life when they were just together for a couple of months, put him on a pedestal... she was acting like a little girl in highschool with a man in his 40ies. And then has the audacity to blame him through out the whole thing.

[@lucianareginasilvagoncalve7429]

Exactly

[@bunniewood]

You’re not wrong. But Mr big also played her a bit. He never made it clear how he felt or where they stood.

[@MoonRaven7777]

@@bunniewoodhe probably didn’t know with all her erratic behaviors. Carrie was all over the place. She thinks she wants something, gets it, then sabotages it, swinging back and forth between imaginary personal ideals.

[@jmmgausa65]

I always loved Mr Big. He was straight with her from the beginning. I can see why she fell so hard for him. He was very secure in himself and she was not. Of course, she wanted to be more like him.

[@Test-x9k]

He wasn't secure. He's what the incels call a sigma, a loner. Can't form attachments. Avoidant. Casanova the ladies man was the same, in the end he wound up alone cause short term flings or casual seggs is an indicator of fear of intimacy.

[@EnGalenPerson]

so i've never watched sex and the city but my initial interpretation after watching this video is that carrie is just the worst person

[@victoriamckeller-peoples5259]

I've watched it, and she is lol

[@shymayfly2222]

I was just thinking the same thing.

[@henrychinaski]

The show has no antagonist because the four girls are thier own worst enemy.

[@mbanerjee5889]

Pretty much. She does everything you except the stereotypical "bad girlfriend" to do and she never really admits that it's her fault.

[@valkyrieo838]

Very accurate. Carrie is the most selfish character in the entire show.

[@dollparts4918]

I loved this show when I was a teenager and felt bad for Carrie. Watching it as an adult, I felt sorry for Big. Carrie never takes a moment to consider how he feels or what he worries about.

[@leolight5369]

It's not Carrie's fault if Big doesn't like to open up.

[@genfuentes3582]

@@leolight5369 Carrie was always expecting big to read her mind, so she wasn’t really open about herself either…

[@hatpb]

I agree, and everytime she had a meltdown or tantrum he would be calm about it. Carrie was the biggest problem in my eyes

[@ssissigui8846]

I think that after my months of dating he knew her and knew what she wanted (when you are an adult you can tell these things). But still he kept coming back to her .. that was selfish....even though it was not his responsibility to set boundaries for Carrie herself..

[@bajabl]

They both suck

[@sparkynutters690]

Carrie can’t help but prioritize men with money, it’s the entitlement in her. It’s why she was so quick to move to Paris with Petrovski. And even after her breakup with the not-as-wealthy Aiden, she expected him to just leave her the apartment he bought for her when she led him to believe they were staying together for good. Always feeling entitled to something (including having Charlotte bail her out financially even though Carrie caused her own problems)

[@iulia-andreeacartaleanu2710]

Gosh, watching this analysis, I couldn't help but wonder - how exactly did this show have such a success? How could men and women live with standards like this? How could people live happily in monogamous relationships if the message they've been repeatedly told was that personal relationships were like competitions, that partners should be idealistic images of themselves? Yelling at each other in public, telling their friends the most intimate parts of relationships, comparing love partners and expecting the others to read minds? The values of this show haven't aged well... Miranda is, in my opinion, the only character that has a healthy mindset and a satisfying development.

[@littlewomenchannel]

Most watchers are aware that Sex and the city is a fantasy. Most women can´t afford those apartments and shoes and love is less materialistic. I still love the show because it was entertaining. When the series first started in the end of the 90´s it did break boundaries because it showed women owning their sexuality and not hiding it.

[@mywelcomeinbox]

She show broke ground in portraying single women over 30 living fabulous lives. The narrative up until then was that women over 30 were worthless without marriage. These women had agency over their lives, they were educated, had great careers, and had a network of great friends. Society takes these things for granted now, thanks to shows like this.

[@lunaeffe2383]

This is merely an analysis of carrie and big relationship, which doesn't reflect entirely the essence of the show. Watching satc today and realizing is a 25years old product, could leave you speechless for the modernity certain issues were handled. The purpose was to shock, to take to the plate questions and innovations, something not even in today's shows you can find. The show is judgemental but I think you can read it also as some sort of satire and extreme portray od the sense of materialism and shallow of the '90 in a city like new york. All the girls they're all representing something, a stage of life, a character, am obsession and for that they're mostly unhealthy than a good example to follow

[@pootoobaby738]

Because having imperfect protagonists is interesting? Showing and exploring the range of humanity is more compelling to me than someone who goes through life making not a single mistake and having the perfect life. Because having people who are shallow, selfish, materialistic, and flawed is human and real. Not everyone in life is nice.

[@60wwediva]

But tbh when miranda gets cheated on in the movie I feel no sympathy for her at all and she settled for a bummy dude when she was too uptight to let loose in the first place. Miranda the most normal one but she was the most masculine of them all.

[@ellewoods3811]

I don't know about the show's ending but I the shouldn't have ended with Carrie and big getting back together. This gives girls false hope of fairy ending tales. Carrie was selfish and stupid letting walk all her over and over. I liked Samantha's and Miranda's character more than Carrie's.

[@noname-sf2kt]

I don’t really think Carrie is a bad person. She just loves men that have power and loves to be the chaser in a relationship. Aiden was just too down to earth for her.

[@eddesgonzalez7585]

Yup

[@Nina-rg8es]

He represents honesty. He told her how he felt whether she liked what he said or not and he didn't lead her on. She just had a way of twisting what he said and did to make him look like a villain.

[@teecop4735]

I agree, what is scary is others that don’t see it

[@Nina-rg8es]

@@teecop4735 Right on

[@lonelyatthisparty]

Where exactly he said it? He manipulates her whole show

[@minx2528]

Mr. Big is honest.. He isn't exclusive. He didn't want to get married, and he was living his life. Carrie was annoying, exhausting, clingy, and ridiculous..

[@kallistoindrani5689]

Carrie sometimes was an awful person. You just start to realize that as you get older and rewatch the show.

[@annaelisavettavonnedozza9607]

Big is the man that too many of us have allowed to treat us as nothing more than an escort. I’m not saying Carrie wasn’t equally as toxic (as so many of us were also). But Big represents than man that would breadcrumb us to the point of manipulation, than draw back as soon as we were too attached for our own good. Hopefully we grew, we saw his superficiality, & eventually learned we deserved better ❤

[@littlewomenchannel]

You know how Big calls Carrie as "Kid". That´s the way Humphrey Bogart´s character calls Ingrid Bergman´s character in Casablanca.

[@TheKeyser94]

This seems more an elitist fantasy than a "materialistic" fantasy, well, that happen when the only people that you know come from the cocktail circle.

[@cathyandresiak1975]

I can see how she fell in love with him, he was cool, calm and never mean, he was actually a really nice guy just afraid of commitment because he experienced how easily love can end badly.

[@drogilby]

He is a typical finance guy. Not a bad thing, just a type.

[@ольга-п4я]

He did easily commit to another girl just in few month. I think Carry never was designed to be commited to, she can't mantain stable relationship and properly communicate in conflicts.

[@jamiejusthappenedtobehere2434]

I never realized how physically abusive she was. Not okay.

[@LivyRivy]

I know! She legit punched him in that one scene, while he was laying in bed no less.

[@killerqueendopamine]

I have held off on rewatching this show and seeing this video just highlights some important yikes factors that I don’t want to approach again

[@margaridaferreira8029]

@@killerqueendopamine I rewatched everything last year and let me tell you, I did not remembered Carrie as bad as I see her now with my 30's eyes. She is an awful person!

[@afz5355]

@@LivyRivy that was messed up

[@lara_xy]

Honestly, she is so bad! lying and expecting him to understand what she is actually thinking

[@uneedtherapy42]

all I know is when Miranda tells Big to "Go get our girl" I cry every time

[@catherinewilliams9680]

Carrie was constantly overthinking Mr. Big. He's the type of man that you just appreciate, without wanting to change. Once Carrie stopped trying to change him, the pair actually became the friends that a romantic pairing needs to last. Mr. Big never lied to Carrie about how he was. But she was constantly trying to make him something he wasn't.

[@kristinebautz1859]

Majority of people have had a mr big in their lives. That one person you want but cant have and shouldnt want because honestly they're bad for you. But you keep making excuses on why they are the right person for you. I had an ex who would do 10 bad things in a row only to do 1 nice gesture and I came running back like the previous 10 things never happened. The brain and heart are always battling each other on fantasy vs reality. We want things to work out in our favor but fight every inch when it isnt. Mr big and carrie were technically right for each other but had too much emotional baggage to have a mature loving relationship. Aiden was a very nice man but too slow for carrie. He was country and she was city. She wanted drama and "excitement" and aiden was not about that.

[@chamab.6800]

Kristine Bautz this! Omg! Aiden was a sweetheart but folks talk like Aiden was perfect. Aiden was a country boy who did not like the city really. Carrie was the complete opposite.

[@andreasbergqvist6239]

If that boyfriend had been nice to you all the time you would have thought of him as weak, treated him as shit, left him and never come running back.

[@kristinebautz1859]

@@andreasbergqvist6239 wowwwww. You're one of those guys who the girl dumps and clearly it's all her fault because you're so charming and perfect?

[@andreasbergqvist6239]

@@kristinebautz1859 Nah, I'm mean as fuck and they keep come running back.

[@proserfina21096]

Id like to have Mr Big in my life and I'll be his Sam Jones. Just good sex and lots of fun and stuff.

[@mariaherfst348]

I love all of your satc video essays and look forward to each and every one of them. And I'm hoping you'll do one for Charlotte and Samantha as well ♥️♥️♥️

[@jhoang861]

Maria Herfst yes please!!

[@CarolinaMillan]

Maria Herfst they already have!

[@fleurelise997]

What was difficult to buy in this show is Carrie's ability to charm or befriend all the grownups. She's an adolescent pushing forty character who would have annoyed most of the sophisticates of NY. How did she get anywhere with anyone in the city???

[@GemR38]

Wow the comment section has a lot of hate for Carrie. Yes Carrie is flawed and inexperienced in serious relationships but that's the point she's human. She does grow and learn from her experiences as the seasons go on but at the same time she's a dreamer with a vision of her perfect man/relationship and won't settle for any less. In some ways that's brave and admirable, in other ways unrealistic and childish but everyone goes through it. It's the battle between heart and mind over what we want and what in real life we can actually have. Big symbolises this perfectly. Big himself is the same, he too had pictured his perfect life and Carrie doesn't fit. It's only once they both get rid of their expectations of each other and accept each one another for who they truly are that they can make it work.

[@79thakidd]

well said

[@Fairychamber]

Best comment in this thread!! I totally agree.

[@GemR38]

@@Fairychamber Thank you. Xx

[@veronicaestigoy5780]

THANK. YOU.

[@sorudesarutta]

from what ive seen carrie seems rather toxic and even physically abusive. flaws in a character are great, they humanize the characters, but when a character is toxic and abusive, that's no longer a humanzing character flaw.

[@clown-cult96]

"The fact that Big keeps returning to carry shows he feels something very strongly about her." No, it means this is wish fulfilment for the book's author.

[@Nihilist_Porcupine]

Do we know anything about his parents? I would assume that in reality he probably grew up in a household with similarly dysfunctional relationship dynamics as in his relationship with Carrie, and that he keeps returning to her because she hurts him in ways that are familiar to him. I mean, really. The girl throws things and yells at you in public, and you're like: "that's the one"! There's gotta be some sort of deep feeling of inadequacy under the surface of his cool demeanor for him to feel that she is the love he deserves.

[@monabohamad2242]

can't it be both?

[@jakevendrotti1496]

She's his booty call for God's sake. It's not complicated

[@Ashbrash1998]

To be fair the author nevere ended up with her Mr. Big and the show's original ending had Big chokingin Paris and Carrie returning to New York single. Supposedly fans wanted him and carrie to finally end up together.

[@michaelgeorge1737]

What a great analysis. Makes me love this show even more. Carrie isn't perfect but once you start analyzing her you realize how deep her character actually is. This show isn't just about shoes and sex, this show has a lot more to do with psychology and analizing behaviors in different relationships. I'm a guy and I'm a huge fan of this show. Maybe the best show ever.

[@eisanairn299]

What people are failing to see: Mr. Big and Carrie are both afraid of emotional intimacy and close relationships. He avoids actively and she passively, by choosing the man who avoids her. These types of people are naturally attracted by each other. And Carrie being "clingy", trying to cut some distance between them, is a typical dynamic in such relationships.

[@toomuchinformation]

Anxious and Avoidant? The Match Made In (emotional) Hell!

[@eisanairn299]

@@toomuchinformation indeed. But far much more common than one thinks.

[@milalok036]

the story of my life

[@akanksha6631]

GOODNESS I LOVE LOVE YOUR "TAKES". They are so well studied and explained.

[@prue9123]

Big was one of my favorite characters. I love when he and Carrie are together.

[@AxelQC]

It seemed like such a forced relationship. If you cannot get along with someone dating, he's not the right guy for you. Move on. It's the same with the Ross & Rachel nonsense. These people were never going to be happy together.

[@monabohamad2242]

That seems like a pretty dumb oversimplification 😒

[@klaudiakolarska3836]

Robin & Ted as well👍

[@mywelcomeinbox]

Wow! I had no idea what a narcissistic wack-job Carrie was. And here's the irony: I *totally* get now why Big kept asking for a bit of space, more time. He had his faults, but he also had the patience of a saint dealing with her childish manipulations. She cornered him for love! Ouch. To add: It's OKAY to feel ambivalent about someone you've just started dating, and it's okay to take the time to figure out how you feel before making a serious decision about them. And if they're not right for you, then it's okay for you to leave.

[@maggiewood4332]

agree, I watched it as a young girl but now and didn't see it , Now i am Carries age and i see what a narcissist she was, And they all had double standards. They got involved with married men yet they fell apart when they were cheated on .

[@alim.9801]

Definitely, I love the part at the end where you said it's OK to be ambivalent and work through your feelings. That's a message a lot of people need to hear

[@moonstars315]

uh.... you diagnosed a tv actress with NPD? Are you a doctor from Grey's Anatomy, or something? Usually the ones calling that out are the ones who have just that.

[@bonatoc]

@@moonstars315 I’m pretty sure the comments were made on the character, not the actress. There are other books besides the TV Guide. And smarter replies than « it takes one to know one ».

[@iloveyoiur9r2r]

I agree with almost everything you've said in this comment, I just don't necessarily think it's applicable in this specific circumstance. If we ignore all of the other seasons and strictly focus on what took place in season 1, I'd be far more inclined to give Big the benefit of the doubt. While I personally think the term narcissist has become yet another overused internet buzzword, I will agree that Carrie plays a significant role in the relationship's dysfunction. The problem is not that Big was confused, ambivalent, and needed some time to figure things out. The problem is not that he walked away (something I fully agree with you on, people are absolutely free to leave whenever, and for whatever reason). The problem is that he strung her along for YEARS, and was constantly playing her hot and cold. He didn't want to commit to her, but he wanted to keep the door cracked open just in case. Another part of the problem is that he typically only wanted her when she was committed to someone else, but when she was actually fully available- he shut down. Obviously just my 2 cents, but I don't think Big is blameless by any stretch of the imagination.

[@yesreneau]

Honestly though, I have run into exes in nyc. Don’t know how it happens, but it’s a real thing.

[@GinaSigillito]

It really is. I’ve done it so many times.

[@raraavis7782]

That was well done. I feel much more sympathetic towards Big now. Although I still don’t dislike Carrie. I had a best friend like that ones...and despite her behavior breaking the friendship at some point....hanging out with her was still the best f***ing time of my life. Go figure. Crazy does have its upsides....

[@jhoang861]

Rara Avis haha same!!

[@rb5078]

Same.

[@roronzoro9795]

Rara Avis Carrie was an awful person on a suicide mission

[@DragonBellyTravels]

As a Native New Yorker, I found SATC to be THE top most exaggerated, whitewashed representation of life in Manhattan. Many of the locations they filmed lacked authenticity and diversity for starters. Most women native of NYC walked around without heals or make up. The characters in this series were outrageously pretentious and/or total UN-NYC-like. Then there’s Carrie’s extravagant lifestyle with a columnist’s pay while living in a brownstone is the worst exaggeration of all.

[@lindiemoon]

Kimmie BeLike Did you watch Broad City? I don't know if it was representative of NYC but I loved the grittier, eclectic vibe. Felt very real. The bodega, trash bags on the street, the interactions with people walking past etc.

[@DragonBellyTravels]

@@lindiemoon no, I haven't but I'll check it out...thx!

[@Emma.E.Emerson]

I agree, I live in NYC, New Yorkers are hard workers and do not live extravagant lives.. Hardly wear heels, because would trip, on cracks in the street, etc. I won't even wear flip flops.. Could get stepped on in trains and break a toe... Lol..

[@amberjohnson4820]

As an Alaskan, I love how you have given a genuine portrait of New York residents. It always made me wonder how with the cost of living in Alaska is so high, how in the hell was Carrie able to afford all that luxury in a city that makes Alaska’s cost of living seem cheap by comparison! (It truly isn’t.) Hell, in some rural communities, a gallon of milk can cost $25.00 or more. In the big cities (Anchorage or Fairbanks) it’s much cheaper at $2.50 or so. But I digress.... Thanks again for your insight into how New York residents really live and work.

[@MsMinoula]

Hahaha thank you for that. I always thought it is a villager thing to dress up for everything. I'm glad it's universal.

[@hh7788ify]

this analysis is pretty good. Also the connection between big apple, Mr. Big, materialism & luxery and Carries obsession with luxery goods chasing a dream world. I think Big was also not innocent, he basically wasted 6 years of her life dragging her along, not leaving her alone when she did find Aiden etc. It were her best years also to get children maybe and start a family but he always showed up from nowhere and knew exactly what buttons to press to get her hooked back. Carrie is a lost soul, selfish and not so open minded as you might think. In the end she got him and I guess it was just his human rationality kicking in, because he knew he wasted her time for almost 10 years and took responsibility to rescue her financially etc.

[@theredqveen]

why is it big's responsibility to rescue her from her own bad financial decisions?

[@Some_guy_passing_by]

That , and after cheating on both his 1st and 2nd wife , I believe his reputation plummeted within the circle of high class women ( older and younger) .. so nobody would take his shit . So marrying Carrie was his only chance at having a peaceful life ( not like she would give him much peace)

[@franksmrcka9827]

See, this is part of what I adore most about the show. It's a cast full of imperfect characters. Luckily, the show had enough airtime over the years to flush them out and they became full-on personality types. We all know Mirandas' and Charlottes' etc. The genius part of this is, that while they all have distinctive positive traits, they also all have very distinctive flaws. This, in my opinion, makes the show feel real, not just like a TV show but more like you're reading their journals. You know everything about them. The good, the bad, and the ugly. There are some VALID points in this video and it was an excellent breakdown (I love you guy's content). But life isn't logical, and love definitely isn't. So in my mind, it has never bothered me that they weren't the "perfect fit" for one another. They didn't need common interests because what they had in common was each other. That's what love is. You care about the other individual so much that you are interested in what interests them (why, what, etc.). It's not about having something to talk about when conversation dies down, if that were the case, you would need to ask yourself why you can't be silent around them... While we can sit here and say Aiden was the better fit for her, if she was in love with big and not Aiden there isn't much to be done about that. You love who you love even if it isn't perfect. All couples have their struggles to overcome, these were Big and Carrie's. I think why people hate them together so much is because it's uncomfortable to look at a "model" relationship and see that there's a lot to still overcome. Just food for thought I suppose! :)

[@donttouchme9063]

Thank you, totally agree. I love this show, but I guess now everyone is too perfect)

[@mcgil8891]

"They didn't need common interests because what they had in common was each other" 👏👏👏

[@lovealbion]

I love SATC and I'm rewatching it for the millionth time and with every new bingewatching, Season 1 Carrie becomes more borderline psycho stalker. Can't stand her...

[@Key-gx2px]

I have watched the show over so many times. Now i just watch for her and the other girls outfits

[@aspyn.j_]

ugh i actually MISS season 1 carrie. she was a little nuts but maaaaan as the seasons go on, she becomes unbearable. she went from telling a friend she was staying in to save money (relatable), painting her apartment to keep her mind off big (healthy, non-toxic and productive ways of coping with stress) and actually having platonic hetero male friends (seriously, i feel like season 2 onward, the only man she hangs out with who she isn't fucking is stanford) to the mess we got as the show progressed. though i won't lie, i thought she was completely out of line for yelling at big for going out with another woman and in the very damn next scene, she says that they never discussed exclusivity. *rolls eyes*

[@jurejo]

Agree, she is one with Borderline Personality Disorder(very likely) but, as difficult as they are, they are very loving unlike narcissists. Know an elderly lady like that who was most definitely married to a narcissist, and never stopped loving him, even after he left for good.

[@xuhongmao7292]

As

[@ashleybaly]

I dated someone like Big. Carrie and Big's relationship reminds me of my former relationship. Im so thankful I saw through his manipulate games and blocked him, that relationship was bringing too much damage to my life.

[@shawnaseniw8692]

I know Carrie isn't as beloved as she initially was, I like her character. As someone who has suffered from deep insecurities, I understand where she is coming from. I think she gains better perspectives and healthier communication techniques throughout the show, which is what happens in your 30s (if you work on it). This show brought us a person with a lot of flaws, which we all have, and made her fun to be around. There are elements of the show which haven't aged well, but it was one of the first to give a complex, interesting protagonist.

[@Fernando31611]

In every single video we see how horrible of a human being Carrie is... Edit: Woot, 2k likes... we agree on this!

[@miguelcorona6897]

YES!!!!!

[@CrazyxPineapple]

I like that she’s flawed, it humanises her and makes her feel less like a ‘character’. We all have that friend who can do our head in but who we ultimately love

[@jhoang861]

Ororo Munroe I soooo agree with you!! She’s not horrible but flawed like most of us.

[@sherrythomas3028]

I personally never really could watch it cause she annoyed the hell outta me. She always acted like a child.

[@boniboni4912]

Sherry Thomas yes I re-watch it and I couldn’t stop cringing at carrie behavior

[@bollyqueen18]

If I'm not remembering wrong, during Miranda's wedding I believe... or Charlotte's second - Aidan refused to get back with Carrie after finding out about her affair. She ended the episode saying that "only her friends would be there for her no matter what" - I couldn't believe she was still making it about herself while being in the wrong... -_-

[@LG-xx3ti]

Watching this from Big's POV makes Carrie's behaviour very cringe and hard to watch. I see him in a different way tbh

[@musicamaxima]

Thank you for admitting how horrible this show’s values were.

[@SimplyyLovelyy3]

Elliott Encarnación just like every show on Netflix

[@jackiee8092]

I was searching for a comment like yours.

[@Ryan-pg1tw]

Maybe you should express your opinion more respectful

[@jackiee8092]

@@Ryan-pg1tw He was respectful in his opinion. He criticized the values of the show. Saying something is horrible is NOT the same of being disrespectful.

[@kristagrym]

Exactly

[@blackcarriebradshaw]

Lol Carrie is so relatable to me. “Its over. Definitely shouldn’t have farted.” Wanted a man who is complicated and also not being excited about a guy who is ready to soon which is scary (Aiden). So relatable. Big played hella games. I thoroughly enjoyed this.

[@emtims1670]

This just makes me want an analysis of Gone with the Wind tbh

[@sophiarodriguez3706]

When I've rewatched early episodes of SATC lately, I've come to realize that Carrie was projecting a lot of her desires onto Mr. Big instead of simply getting to know him and enjoy his company. Not that a guy like that is easy to get to know, but it's like she didn't want to do the work of trying to become the best, most authentic version of herself. She just wanted to fit into the mold of a fashionable woman in NYC who had the best accessory on her arm: a rich, mysterious man who would be the envy of all her friends and acquaintances.

[@littlewomenchannel]

Really good points. I´ve noticed the same when I've watched the first seasons, she holds her back when she is with him. Afraid to be her true self. She saw that he was above him, not her equal, one might even say that it is Carrie who has commitment issues. Big is actually quite charming in the first and second season. I think in some ways it is parallel to the way Charlotte saw Trey as Prince Charming. For Carrie and Charlotte the projection of ideal marriage/relationship actually becomes before doing to the work of getting to know the other person.

[@cakeisavegatable]

as a new yorker from bk i promise it is weird as hell but you constantly run into the same people especially if you're from here. It's largely bc we tend to stay near our neighborhoods or trusted bars/restaurants due to the insane traffic

[@isabelreyes6175]

You are so right!, i always knew that Mr. Big wasn't the villain, Carrie was really an unstable woman, she push him away with her behavior.

[@susanmathew2193]

Big and Carrie both had their flaws, but I honestly can't bring myself to dislike them

[@Shawol360]

This is the only series I own on DVD because I have watched it so many times and there is a lot of glossing over being done on Big. Carrie is far from perfect but the scene where Big tells Carrie that he is getting married is AFTER telling Carrie he would never marry anyone. And then he begins an affair with Carrie after marrying. So while Carrie is a mess, Big is a hypocrite and liar.

[@q7zjdwomfvkbj74]

throw them out

[@jakevendrotti1496]

@@q7zjdwomfvkbj74 🤣 right exactly

[@treasurewuji8740]

I would love to learn how you guys come up with so many creative ideas. It is like you have an endless fountain.

[@_tardigrade]

Good research team.

[@treasurewuji8740]

@@_tardigrade Yeah. It is probably true now, but when they started out, there was no way they could afford to purchase so much research in it.

[@mschrisfrank2420]

Big grew over the series, more than I can say for Carrie.

[@alysiamerdavid-wasser9165]

11:42 In the previous* episode, Big had JUST come back from Paris, with Natasha, after dating Carrie for Two YEARS, (& telling her that he would NEVER marry again) & then tells Carrie that he's going to marry Natasha. She doesn't "put on a front", or "shame him". She stays calm, until trying to leave. WWYD?