They Weren't Soldiers & The Mechanical God | Humans are space Orcs | HFY | TFOS1068

Original Story :
/ they_werent_soldiers
/ the_mechanical_god
RandomShtuff Podcast 2 : bit.ly/3CoNh0r
Want to support Channel?
Patreon : / agrosquerrils
Paypal : www.paypal.me/agrosquerril
KoFi : ko-fi.com/agrosquerrilnarrates
Merch : teespring.com/stores/asn-3
Bitcoin Wallet : 3NV4PPLMXfgYnEhRAyDEJoRRnSBUbyWpDM
---------------------------
Thank you to Tier 4 and 5 Patreons and Channel Members:
Brenton Verlo
ithilia
H-Town_F2
john silva
LanScaper
William Howard
cat crab lobster
Datamagnet
John Shafer
Mezec
Ágoston Szabó
Germanchemist
Astraya the Dreamer
Ágoston Szabó
VulDwiin
FallenAngeI
Bob TheDragon
{TimeStamps}
00:00 Intro
00:40 They Weren't Soldiers
7:42 The Mechanical God
#Audiobook #Fiction #HumansAreSpaceOrcs
----Socials----
Email : [e-mail]
Twitter : / agrosquerrils
Streamlabs : streamlabs.com/agrosquerrils
Discord : / discord
Lbry : @AgroSquerrilNarrates
--------------
This Story is Classified as HFY , but what does the Mean?
-------------
HFY is a story/series that takes a “human element” in either humanity or an “other” (race/species or object) that exists in a “setting” (future or other world/universe) with varying levels of culture, technology, society and history that help show in some shape or form the potential good or bad for humanity’s race/culture.
-------------
Taken from the FAQ of the r/HFY subreddit.

[@bandiras2]

Khornate warband streaming exterminating pirates for FUN. Rest of the galaxy: Wow! Those human military are nuts. Humanity: They are civilians having fun. Rest of the galaxy: MFW.

[@julonkrutor4649]

I would love to see that ^^

[@TarsonTalon]

"Oh don't worry. If you ever run afoul of our military, you'll be dead before you even know they were there. It's quick and painless."

[@popcornfrind]

sounds like heresy brother

[@theicyphoenixrecords5980]

@@TarsonTalon reminds me of when nato bombed europe in 90's,in that small war they used guided missiles to get our tanks,little did they know our real tanks were hiden,and the one's they were fireing at were just works of art......to be specific they were made out of card board and painted over,they couldn't stop realy they used guided misiles and it took quite some time for them to notice,when they did that's when we used our real tanks uncovering them from the shadows lol

[@kevinsoler4696]

Honestly if games workshop still lives by the time humans start moving to space and colonizing. You better belive there's gonna be some CHAOS

[@oblivion715]

"MILK FOR THE CORN FLAKES!"

[@silence___]

*"FOR THE BONEY BOI"*

[@couriersix4252]

Khorne flakes*

[@Sharkakaka]

Bones for the boney boy

[@Bladerunner5146]

Milk for the khorne flakes

[@ianhogben3472]

Lathrix

[@msmaria5039]

Livestreaming killing space pirates? Yeah, that's possible. Also love the American streamers. USA! USA! USA!

[@AgroSquerril]

lol

[@etopsirhc]

considering how the atlas public servers were, i feel like that was rather accurate. idk how the servers are now, but there used to be a massive super company that would run around sending zerg rushes of unarmed ppl to stone age anyone they saw with so much as a raft, all while shouting "china number one".

[@nicholasroach880]

@@etopsirhc kinda why I quit the game on top of launch day bs.

[@j.o.d.mercer7519]

Usa! Usa! Usa! *The sound of a bayonet rattling through a zenoid skull* USA! USA!

[@roboticintelligenceunit1a652]

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE- *Boom*

[@kuminanida333]

I am greatly amused by the idea of someone mining through a enemy craft while yelling "LEERROOY JENNNKINS"

[@cyberfux]

I might have seen someone doing that in E:D once...

[@Chokah]

Space kitsunes that aren't weirded out by the fact a fair number of humans would want to bed them....I can dig it

[@thedeathshadowking2794]

Well they did say a lot of their men died... I think human men wanting to bed them might be beneficial as are genetics would be similar.

[@davidhenderson3400]

Well if you do an image search on Bing you will understand a little better

[@shitbag_soldier]

There's a joke in the army about the space force, as from what I've heard the space force will not allow prior service army or marines. The space force is afraid that if we do encounter alien life that any soldier or marine would take the first chance to bang it for either the bragging rights or standard lustful nature of us. They're not wrong though to be fair, I just wanna be a space shuttle door gunner and "carry on" in space cantinas is that too much to ask?

[@Mr_Jester980]

The aliens: What are you holding there, Kyle? The human named Kyle: *sips a cup of chocolate smoothie while holding the head of Cthulhu* :>

[@cnlbenmc]

The will of Herr Snitzelnazi has been made manifest; he nuked the elder gods and the last one was finished off.

[@Naofumi-Iwatani]

Kyle: an energy smoothie.

[@CannabisDreams]

Hunting trophy I'm setting up in my office, come by for a drink sometime.

[@kylemackinnon6230]

Oh this? I have 5 you should see the one i use as a nightstand

[@WE_DONT_LIE]

AH IT BEEN A MINUTE SINCE I'VE HATS AND LAMAS JOKE

[@Tempestan]

Space Warrior Kitsunes, the future looks bright indeed. Crazy streamers, eh, nothing changed in that reguard.

[@AgroSquerril]

letssssssss goooooo poogggggggersss , terday we are totally going speed run this pirate destruction , F in the chat for these poos feckers!!!

[@gr8jason806]

@@AgroSquerril I think you just gave me a stroke

[@yomogami4561]

space warrior kitsunes that need men

[@justsomejerseydevilwithint4606]

3:43 Oh dear god they're warhammer 40k fans. Those pirates boarded the WROOOOONG ship.

[@randomkrieger2625]

"You entered the wrong ship! Fool!!"

[@kylemackinnon6230]

Sir pirates are boarding * *cocks chain axe* * Shame

[@justdead101]

Me and boys casually purging the xeno in Holy fire that borded are ship

[@WE_DONT_LIE]

It was at that moment that the pirate's were confused on who's the pirate

[@voidwalker8206]

FOR THE KHORN FLAKES!!!!!

[@auroramoon_draws16]

Human creator in the afterlife: *wiping a tear* I’m so proud

[@TarsonTalon]

Thinking about the first story, I guess the difference between civilian fighters and the military in this future is that the military will kill the enemy before they even know the military is there, and makes sure no one even remembers the enemy even existed. Where the civilians are flashy, the actual military would be extremely precise, extremely lethal, and extremely quiet.

[@Crazylom]

Atomic Bombardment VS Kinetic Bombardment, sure

[@heartlessnobody1143]

Exterminatus vs khornate massacre

[@adammcfall5133]

The soldiers are using games to train, it wouldn't take much to make it a reality using drones, robots, etc and broadcast a live feed. It wouldn't really change the military amd diplomatic espionage though, which is where most the interesting things are.

[@dreamwolf7302]

Me: *Watches the video of his brother in law, and his Marine buddies, in Iraq, setting off fireworks, and throwing balloons filled with piss at each other* Ah, yes. Military professionalism.,

[@levantdiggerus3473]

In other words. Mili hurts less than Civi.

[@couriersix4252]

*blood for the blood God, skulls for the skull throne*

[@silence___]

Patrolling the Mojave almost makes you wish for a nuclear winter

[@angrydragonslayer]

Khorne flakes for the chocolate khorne flake cakes

[@fjvillas2722]

MILK FOR THE KHORNE FLAKES

[@inquisitorthornside3p494]

@@silence___ Patroling Ultima Segmentum almost makes you wish fot EXTERMINATUS.

[@inquisitorthornside3p494]

Holy Fire for HERETICS.

[@kalskirata42]

BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE! MILK FOR THE KHORNE FLAKES!

[@craftysmithkeith3653]

the navy sends their ships, the airforce sends their jets, but nothing can withstand our fixed bayonet. THE EDF DEPLOYS!!a

[@merchskele7507]

EDF! EDF!

[@kirkjones9639]

MEF

[@sonuva2003]

E D EEEEEEEF! Wing diver, EDF 5

[@randomkrieger2625]

I was hoping I wasn't the only one thinking that.

[@kirkjones9639]

@@randomkrieger2625 The MEF?

[@Inufan2005]

One of the few species who finds our entertainment entertaining and not horrifying.

[@Chokah]

Well they are fellow Deathworlders

[@ninjaoforthanc8177]

I can see why we'd want to bed them

[@IronWarrior_69]

For the algorithm and so the nanite swarms don’t take my last sock.

[@royalroses123]

Lucky... You still have a sock

[@rodolfog2459]

*We have ALL been warned*

[@conspiracy_marine9238]

The nanites are scared of you shovel skills

[@trenttrent2786]

To late they took all your socks

[@Amongusaurus]

Brings up the idea of aliens finding stray footage of a streamer killing hoards of enemies that the aliens looked like, just floating out in space and in turn absolutely terrifying the aliens and the galactic council

[@cheeseninja1115]

Of course the Americans are bayonet charging with either Vietnam Era songs or "America F**k yeah" playing. I bet they aren't even using modern guns, they have to be using an M1 gerand . Freedom pings

[@TheAchilles26]

They invented a high powered Gauss rifle, but designed it to look like a flintlock musket

[@odi1126]

@@TheAchilles26 I would not be supprised

[@randomkrieger2625]

Like the gauss rifle from Deep Rock Galactic. It punches like a railgun yet feels like the M1. Even the *ping*.

[@fist-of-doom487]

@@TheAchilles26 I won’t lie, that sounds cool

[@kirkjones9639]

M1a1 or the WWSD-308 more likely.

[@zedantXiang]

A Kitsune fantasizing about a human is the human equivalent of a furry.

[@danielhoyte6291]

*It's hard to argue with this Statement*

[@ashthe_hero7457]

That second story sounds like the first time I had a machine uprising in sellaris

[@Templar1ca]

I may need that Khorne quote for a text alert.

[@inquisitorthornside3p494]

Here most lines you will ever need in great speech kzbin.info/www/bejne/b17KhH2NaNh7jqc and something from the Inquisition kzbin.info/www/bejne/iojNqoukZa92hJY for being interested in HERESY.

[@justsomejerseydevilwithint4606]

Of course the first story _has_ to include that foxgirls exist in space. naturally the first thing to talk about.

[@drewahrens3141]

For the first story, kinda disappointed that there wasn't a faction called the Night Sentinels or the Slayers.

[@randomkrieger2625]

There probably is somewhere. Honestly this could be a full game and everything. "War-Streamers", run a streaming group about Killin' stuff.

[@Elmithian]

@@randomkrieger2625 Probably the richer guys that stream for fun have the gear and ability for the level of genetic modification to play that stuff out well.

[@NAH1907]

Ah, such a nice video....sadly I could see in the future that the livestream of fighting pirates and a very large pest fighter to be the future of entertainment..... I would sadly watch it...... for the God Emperor of Humanity........ for the algorithm and for my other sock

[@AgroSquerril]

for the algorithm

[@Mustangofold]

Ads long as it did not become a "reality" show, it would be worth watching.

[@desperatepsycho]

XqC drone striking terrorists

[@Boredofmostofit]

I personally love the hint of a chuckle from the reader at 'lactations of an earth cow for corn flakes' just as much as the warhammer 40k refereces... 😂😂😂😂😂

[@inquisitorthornside3p494]

It is not Omnissiach but rather the men of Iron uprising.

[@Crazylom]

Skynet, except xenos pissed it off

[@christhiancosta1844]

Everybody Gangstar until the broken god isn't broken anymore

[@beave200]

We all know that the first story will eventually happen if we discover that type of galactic civilization. And we also know as humans we are big enough dicks we would release the singularity to get even, even after we die as mutually assured destruction lol

[@SoulariceJackson]

is it weird i felt bad for the ai....? we left it a grudge as our last gift...

[@beave200]

@@SoulariceJackson at least it has a purpose, humanity had none. So in the end we gave it meaning.

[@Elmithian]

@@SoulariceJackson A grudge so deep that it did the exact opposite of our killers and uplifted sentient life in the galaxy. Pretty great grudge that.

[@backyardretards5684]

1:18 >shortage of males >xenophilic species The future is indeed bright for humanity

[@NcrXnbi]

Thank god they are not a Fanatic Purifier Xenophobe Empire.

[@junisaresilvosa9430]

oh my god!! the milk for the cornflakes hit me hard

[@kingnothing8570]

could the nanite swarms stop stealing the left socks or at least steal an even number of socks per foot

[@AgroSquerril]

comment noted and send to the recommendations department , it will be under revue. Thank you for your use of Sock Stealing Nanite Swarm™

[@sjmcc13]

Just buy uniform socks that fit either foot, don't notice 1 sock missing from a pile of 20 identical ones nearly as easily as 1 from 10 distinct pairs

[@silence___]

It's 1:30am this better be good It was good still tired

[@kennethhummel4409]

War as sport? How Roman!

[@WardNightstone]

america is Rome with louder swords

[@pelinalwhitestrake3367]

Have you heard of tank biathlon?

[@NcrXnbi]

@@pelinalwhitestrake3367 I prefer the little sister of Tank Biathlon.... The annual Oarai Angler Fish Festival.

[@loganshaw4527]

War games is a classic.

[@jaydeleon8094]

The fucking EDF reference killed me.

[@monsterking7676]

If it wanted to it was entirely in it's ability to "I have no mouth but I must scream" that alien.

[@kyriss12]

Instead the AI kept the xeno alive because it didn’t want to be lonely

[@asurasyn]

Streamers broadcasting themselves slaughtering pirates? ... Poi!

[@actuallysatan7105]

I can fucking hear it 🤣.

[@syrathdouglas1244]

Why are so few talking about the second story? Such a powerful message.

[@loganshaw4527]

Humans made a kind skynet to mess with the aliens.

[@danieljensen794]

Because it hurts us. No one wants to admit the truth.

[@jhart6764]

Hearing the EDF reference is so great considering I'm actually playing EDF when I listen to these.

[@AgroSquerril]

:)

[@MashedPotatoes690]

Bones for the dog bois!

[@Knightswatch-uw3kq]

The sad and wierd things is in fact see this happening. We have militas and other group that want to enjoy battle. And if android are introduced i could see streamer trying to 360 no scope whatever get in the way. There could be a big industry, kind of like airsoft and piant ball.

[@hansethetooly5421]

wont deny i was kinda hoping one last line for the 1st story "wait till you see the really crazy stuff"

[@mikkelnpetersen]

As Hawkeye from MASH once said, "war is the worlds most favorite spectators sport".

[@ChrissieBear]

I immediately rolled my eyes at the alien foxes growing extra tails.

[@loganshaw4527]

Alien fox goddess with 9 tails.

[@MyrdinAnnoth]

Everyone is focusing on the part of the story where humans stream bunch of battles for entertainment. Meanwhile I am more interested to hear about the space Kitsunes and them having no real issues of being viewed as desireble by the humans since their male population sharply decreased due to the war. I mean.... space kitsune waifu lets goo!

[@loganshaw4527]

Furry Amazon Aliens that like males is a crossover of alot of human interests.

[@Monster_Ink]

I really liked both stories! That last bit though :,( XD For the algorithm!

[@aaronwishard7093]

LEROY! JENKINS! Also why did the amazon fox not get told THAT was pop culture too?

[@jeroylenkins1745]

yes?

[@SetzerII]

"pop culture-adjacent media known as hentai. Our relations with the humans became... More interesting."

[@flameendcyborgguy883]

@@SetzerII I mean, they were OK with knowing that as they had shortage of males in the story soo...

[@Chokah]

@@flameendcyborgguy883 "Turned out we were genetically compatible as well..."

[@odi1126]

@@Chokah hmm that went to far

[@robertshank9778]

Great reading, As always, Agro... Belated Congratulations on breaking 20k... Hope I get to see 25k soon.. And to all the new fans; Do not forget to spread the word, for the Algorithm must grow... 😉

[@AgroSquerril]

Thank you

[@hello_i_exist_uwu]

“Blood for the blood god” We all know who that was

[@NcrXnbi]

Was it Slaaneshy Plague Bearers? I am joking. Please don't kill me.

[@roberthilberling7668]

"End Of Stream" good touch.

[@trentthehehim3936]

I lost my shot at “Milk for the Koran Flakes!” 😂😂

[@James-bw4np]

Pilot Jenkins... *inhales* "LEEERO-" *SLAP* 'stop that'.

[@AgroSquerril]

lol

[@GravitWry]

Soo.. Kitsune Ladies, Twitch Streamers, America, LLEERRROOOYY JJEENNKKIINNSS, Khorne Flakes.. We have a bright future ahead of us.

[@JaxMerrick]

Jokes on you, I needed to get new socks anyways. My previous set are worn out, so the nanites could probably make use of them better than I.

[@AgroSquerril]

much appreciated , the nanites send their thanks

[@9LiveEmpire]

Let's invest in a bunch of valkyrie and camera drone and LEEEETTTT'SSSSS GOOOO

[@SergeyWaytov]

And I myself would do something like that, if possible, running an android puppet as for safety, and having the audience to decide the direction where my creativity goes on next batch of unlucky bastards that caught my attention 😈

[@thereprehensible435]

First story: *Memes... In space!*

[@AgroSquerril]

indeed

[@madi4642]

JENKINS !!! i almost chocked

[@WallNutBreaker524]

4:09 I feel like theyre watching some VR video game haha 😂👌 The mechanical god is basically Humanitys last weapon lol 😂, also to reference Warhammer, THE MACHINE SPIRIT CAME TO LIFE! Also, a good self aware AI?! Impossible??!!

[@royalroses123]

For the Rhythm of Algro

[@AgroSquerril]

for the algorithm

[@johnjohnjohnson7720]

I steal nanite swarm socks, that way the nanite swarm don't have any socks to be warm and have to steal other socks.

[@edwardmartin3549]

Oooh my god they got Leroy Jenkined

[@robertstoneking7916]

Singing songs and carrying signs mostly saying hooray for our side. So many ways of saying it.

[@MrSnuggles25]

For the frecken algorithm

[@hamongwells3378]

id like to errr i mean a friend wants to hear more of the revali and there interactions with humans ... u know 4 science lol

[@nobodypickles8582]

"Milk for the corn flakes" that got me hard

[@crayonchomper1180]

SPACE FOXES! YAY! foxes are cute

[@NcrXnbi]

Now we need space cat maids.

[@VadulTharys]

F T A I died at the Leroy Jenkins reference.

[@AgroSquerril]

For the algorithm :)

[@Atoll-ok1zm]

Glory to the omnissiah!

[@AgroSquerril]

11!

[@bendover9813]

I’d love to be a Privateer Streamer, I could honestly do that today. If we go to war with China, I’m thinking that me and 49 of my buddies buy a ship, guns, and get a letter of marque from Congress to go take their ships.

[@calebblevins6415]

I am Indigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die. I always love the Machine God stories.

[@belpcat7132]

I realized it was War Hammer 40k when it said a chainsaw sword

[@AgroSquerril]

:)

[@CaptainShield]

Cheese for the Doritos!

[@Deconstruction_Administrator]

Vegemite for the Toast!

[@AgroSquerril]

come from a land down under?

[@Deconstruction_Administrator]

@@AgroSquerril yep. South-east Queensland!

[@rexuilao5629]

"Hey guys today we are going to see how many nukes it will take to destroy this enemy fleet." Points at large array of cargo crates. "I have over here a large stockpile of tsar bombs and were gonna see how many it will take to wipe out that fleet, so lettsssssss get going!!!!" Meanwhile aliens watching that stream. "Oh those guys are screwed!🤣....... WAIT THAT US!!!!" "Let's also take a moment to thank today sponsor, NUKKIE GEAR!!"

[@DEMONOFLOVEANDDEATH]

Bless the Squerril Bless the Author

[@AgroSquerril]

For the algorithm

[@SergeyWaytov]

If not it being a late night, Id laugh out loud for #1

[@trevorberryhill2398]

40K reference. i am now cured of depression for the next 3 hours

[@AgroSquerril]

:)

[@DnD_Boy]

Blood for the blood god!!! -Technoblade

[@DaddyVeo1911]

First story: gotta flex on fellow reprobates, bruh. Showing off to friendly Xenos is just icing on the cake. Second story: *[DEUS EST MACHINA, DEUS EST MACHINA!!! PRAISE BE, PRAISE BE TO THE OMNISSIAH!!!]* Nice.

[@HalfSalvo]

4th feed "Our friends were all killed yesterday as were our families," "Today we may not make it facing these atrocities," "We'll never drop our banner despite our casualties!" THE EDF DEPLOYS!!!!!

[@magnusarsmagna5896]

Wait till they hear about Human Artists and their 1000:1 scale battleships.

[@galadrinihrinor4863]

BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD BY THE GLORY OF KHORNE SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE

[@oakenshadow6763]

Ah. Hunting pirates for fun, and making it a video game. New E-Sport just dropped. I can believe that and see humans doing it.

[@ladymecha8718]

Leroy Jenkins lives even in fiction, lol 😂

[@AgroSquerril]

:)

[@SergeyWaytov]

Wow, the #2 here is kinda spooky

[@MrGoesBoom]

Milk for the Corn Flakes....heh, even in the future the WK40 nuts are running around.

[@alexanderhurst9830]

I love that they use a moment from captain Shack (a great youtuber) for the mining laser moment!

[@danielcook1015]

4:06 LATHLAND

[@shikatsu]

I am just waiting for "I am alpharius" and a surprise staaab.

[@copo2835]

"I am Alpharius. This is a lie."

[@kitalthevali]

amazon kitsunes? i don't mind this possible future

[@flameendcyborgguy883]

Amazon Kitsuens with shortage of man... Don't mind me if I do.

[@usernamealreadytaken9330]

3:32 List of Khornate massacres is incomplete, you can help by *EXPANDING IT*

[@doctorzed7706]

After blood for rhe blood gods I was dying

[@AgroSquerril]

:)

[@simpleevan3583]

Ah yes space terminator

[@AgroSquerril]

jawn corna?

[@Kokuyous3ki]

I do like some funny "easter eggs" from time to time buuuut that might have been a tad of an overdose :)

[@Paddydukes89]

ALGO GO BOOM BOOM

[@kylemackinnon6230]

That was a really good Baldermort impression, props

[@blatvis5710]

The nanites!!! Nooooooo!

[@csi1392]

IMAGINE HOW P OFF THE NET WOULD BE IF THE MILITARY WENT AFTER THE PIRATES

[@hunterv9983]

Story Number Two *ALL PRAISE TO THE OMNISSIAH!!*

[@SetzerII]

For the Void Dragon

[@AgroSquerril]

For the algorithm

[@hunterv9983]

@@AgroSquerril Inquisitor: "To me sons of Agro! FOR THE ALGORITHM!!!"

[@imogen1]

"Who are these holy warriors?" "Beautiful 73962 Dick Mabbutt..."

[@fuzzyboy9757]

damn I thought the revali were just a race from a mod from the game rimworld but hey extended universe I guess

[@karasuchrono]

... MILK FOR THE CORNFLAKES! I can't 🤣