This Is a Hard Dark Episode Today (Caution Advised)

This Is a Hard Dark Episode Today (Caution Advised)
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[@lucianaromulus1408]

No one should tolerate abuse, NO ONE.

[@JohnQuincy1776]

he told him to no tolerate it, but there are many types of abuse and we can learn stop it.

[@Rollacoastertycoon]

You should

[@lucianaromulus1408]

@@Rollacoastertycoon apparently you're the exception 🤣

[@zechariahross1444]

But abuse against men is okay. Court systems favor the female in divorce court. Play favor the female with the children (even if shes trash) But if a man did any of this? He'd get screwed so hard. Its bs

[@Ckdd210]

When Bill said, "I have to admit I was ashamed of making this call, but I have no one to talk to"...I felt that.

[@whbbrd]

I almost always agree with Dr. Delony, but in the case of the guy who's getting physically abused, why should he try to stay in the marriage when any counselor would tell an abused woman to get out immediately?

[@mimimonster]

I totally agree with this statement.

[@prissylovejoy702]

Because we all run for divorce way to quickly. If it can be worked out let them try.

[@veronicav575]

@@prissylovejoy702 leaving physically in order to keep yourself safe is not the same as divorce. Always leave room for reconciliation, yes, but keep yourself safe! Anyone being abused, whether male or female, should leave to protect themselves.

[@Globewanderer000]

@@prissylovejoy702 is physical abuse NOT. a deal-breaker for you? Wow....

[@joningram4187]

Because a woman being physically abused by a man is often much more dangerous than the reverse. Also, the caller didn't really indicate he felt is was a huge issue.

[@cindyducharme5113]

How do you save an abusive relationship?you don't,you leave period.

[@bfunderb5899]

The brutal honesty of the first caller was stunning

[@SuzyQ1129]

100% agree!

[@TPWK216]

Yes she problably has schitzofrenia or something. You dont have to be dangerous for that. But the intrusive thaughts can get dangerous if she does not medicate.

[@realityrelay]

I’m thankful, now she knows to get help. She’s probably suffering from paranoid schizophrenia.

[@katelynfe]

I think she might have bipolar type 1 or schizoaffective

[@Katinahat293]

BILL! Please do NOT listen when Dr John says to stay. You SHOULD NOT stay with a physically, emotionally abusive person. I grew up in a house rampant with DV and I wish every day that my abused parent would have left. They’re still with their abuser and they are miserable. Almost 80 years old and they are miserable as can be together. Genuinely the most depressed, negative people I’ve ever met and I say that while loving them. I have so much trauma from that household and their relationship. Please, you can and should find better for yourself. Do not try to fix this marriage. You can’t fix it alone, and someone physically abusive like that will not help themself OR you like you need them to.

[@sabrinaandbenji1390]

My parents are in the same situation, and same age range. It's heart breaking to see. My mother has so much physical chronic pain from living in an awful environment and stays due to financial necessity

[@carrieh4]

My heart is breaking for Rachel. She is so strong to call in and be able to articulate all this!! I pray for her to find the right people to help her get relief.

[@rkeppel4243]

Dr John said Rachel needs to see a professional today. In my experience with a bipolar husband, when you choose a provider who is taking new patients it is often 4-8 weeks before you get an appointment. What should someone in Rachel's position do to get immediate aid?

[@opinionatedone]

​@@rkeppel4243emergency department of a hospital with a psychiatric department.

[@kathyhansen2820]

Because she called and was able to articulate so well, I think it'll turn out OK for her with work.

[@halfbreedchuck3311]

My heart brakes for her , and all mentally people that suffer. With this. She needed help ASP.

[@victorialombardi]

Nah, Bill needs to escape that marriage ASAP. If your spouse is hitting you, you need to leave that relationship. That is not love. I can't imagine hitting ANYONE, and certainly never someone I "love".

[@bethl]

A separation for sure, but this guy is incredibly immature.

[@LynnS-gd8wq]

Sometimes people will provoke a situation in order to justify leaving or to alleviate the guilt they would feel. We don’t know if there’s actual abuse based on this phone call. Her phone call would probably sound completely different.

[@poetryxisxmyxshield]

I am not normally a violent person as I was a victim of abuse. That being said me and my partner went through a similar situation and I had server PND and I lashed out at my partner it wasn't right but I was so broken and he would push and push and push me untill I'd snap and it was either hurt him or hurt myself which I also did. Sometimes we hurt those we care about the most when we are hurting. I think this guy should try if she was a naturally violent person that would of come across long before they we're married. Me and my partner went to counselling did alot of work and now are better then ever We don't know the full story with them is she lashing out because she feels unseen unheard feels like she's loosing everything? And he's tapped out potentially rude and immature at home?

[@coriettapadilla9977]

​@poetryxisxmyxshield I have totally been there as well. I have never been one to lash out or be violent. Growing up my home life was very chaotic and dysfunctional. So I always told myself that I wanted a different life for my own family. Well about 3 years ago now my husband had an affair literally right after we had our son. It was the most devastating thing I have been through. I had a very traumatic delivery on top of be betrayed. I have never been in such a dark place in my life. Well we would get into these fights that were just horrible. I would be lied to constantly, told very awful things about myself to the point where I would snap and I hit my husband on a couple occasions. It was terrible. I have never wanted to ever be that kind of person no matter the circumstance but I became that person. There is no excuse but I take full responsibility for my actions. It has not happened again but I never been so shattered. I got help for it and I am still working on my healing because I don't ever want to be that person ever again. It's messed up.

[@danarzechula3769]

And if he defends himself he will be the one to get charged so yes. Just get out

[@Jozzie1987]

I got engaged at 17 and married at 18. A few month after we got married, I missed chat rooms. I used to love flirting in chat rooms. Talked to my husband about it, he said, “Go ahead, try it.” So I tried. Boy was it ever boring. It was horrible. Never missed it again. Grass isn’t greener. I can chat/text with my husband anytime and it’s way more fun and way spicier, lol. Happily married 16 years.

[@greenAbbot]

I didn't know where you were going with this, but I like this story. I'm not sure that's how it works for everyone, but when you're getting married young I think it's a good idea to make sure that you aren't just with your partner because no one else could turn their crank. Your guy was smart for letting you figure out that it was way more fun to flirt with someone you actually liked for other reasons, and if it turned out that was not true he wouldn't have wasted a bunch of time with someone who was looking over the fence!

[@ILmachiner]

Men and women are not the same creatures. A key that opens many locks is a master key. I lock that opens with any key is a busted lock!

[@unnamedchannel1237]

@@ILmachiner I would like to know LPL’s opinion on this

[@ILmachiner]

@aba r women are most attracted to the Chad who sleeps with all the women. So your analogy sucks along with your perception because there was no sexism in my comment. Just pure facts, and facts don't care about your feelings.

[@sobeliever1638]

He must not have love you that much to suggest for you to do that. No man in love would suggest that.

[@meganmurray3054]

I know this show is 2 years old by the time I'm listening to it; I just discovered the Dr. John Deloney Show, but I just want Rachel to know that I am SO proud of her for reaching out! It can be SO scary, especially the part entailing finding and TRUSTING the right psychiatrist, the right therapist, and finding what works for you and what doesn't. My own mother was a psychologist, the type that used psychology to justify her own abusive behavior. The first therapist I finally trusted enough to be honest with broke down and was balling by the time I finished telling her about my childhood. She apologized for being unprofessional and told me that no child ever should have to go through mental, physical, sexual and emotional abuse period but especially not at the hands of a mother who is a psychologist. It was the first time ever that I had trusted another psychologist with my story and her tears made me feel that I did have value, that I was loveable and that it wasn't all in my head like my mother told me. To this day I thank God for her and I just can't tell Rachel enough that I am SO proud of her for just having the freaking courage to own what she was doing and reach out for help! Blessings to you Rachel wherever you are now. May you and your family have found the grace to forgive and heal and love no matter where you're at now! You ARE worth it!!!

[@creativeobx8367]

It’s amazing that she was able to distinguish between illusion and reality when she talked about the voices. Most don’t and it ends terribly.

[@Ath-lk3xg]

The lady that’s experiencing hallucinations and psychosis and violent urges. I am so very glad and proud of her for calling in! I think people need to hear this from the other side. These people get demonized when they act out but it’s literally just a sickness of their mind and it’s not their fault! People don’t understand how it feels to be victim of having these mental illnesses and it’s not easy to manage and cope and so it’s so easy to judge them. I will be praying for you and I hope people can learn to support and advocate for people that are suffering with mental illness because it could be any one of us. It’s not, something that you choose.

[@sabrinaandbenji1390]

Very well said, thank you❤

[@joycegreene8600]

@@sabrinaandbenji1390I agree 100%.

[@Dillonmac96]

It’s something you can work on and just sending them to a therapist and giving them pills is not effective… does she take care of her basic health? Does she exercise, eat and sleep right? Insomnia is always coupled with other mental illnesses it’s not just a magic thing that happens.. if you exercise really hard you cure insomnia.. that’s one thing in common with all insomniacs is they barely take care or themselves.. so saying it’s not their choice is just like saying there’s nothing she can do… he didn’t mention once that she might need to exercise and meditate things that physically change your brain and body not just taking pills for it and talking about it.. I think not addressing this stuff first is negligent

[@bradleysanchez9435]

@@Dillonmac96 Dude you cannot cure psycosis with postive thinking complete ignorance.

[@user-il2oy5kb7f]

@@Dillonmac96I feel like you’re about to tell her to meditate and use essential oils. Let the doctor do the work here.

[@elizabethannedavis5176]

Abuse is an automatic leave, no matter if the person being abused is a man or woman. Give the same advice for a female getting hit as a man. Too many men are abused, and stay, and end up mentally destroying them and they check out. Permeantly. It breaks my heart as a mother of two son, I will teach them the same as my daughtrr. FIRST TIME you're abused. Be done. It will NEVER not happen again.

[@JustDiane71]

I'm watching 2 years later. I hope Rachel is doing well. She sounded like an amazing mom, wife and all the other things us ladies are everyday and I hope she's kicking ass and feeling better. Hugs Rachel if you see this!!

[@sillymamacita3854]

Completely agree that he needs to leave /yesterday/. And also, "it feels so right because everything in your world feels so wrong." I can't agree with this statement enough. 🙌🙌🙌

[@mmbovilladardh]

As soon as she talked I knew, I just knew that her mother would be mentioned because I suffered from dark thoughts and extreme anger too. I suffered from so much and those around me suffered. I almost lost my marriage. I damaged my kids. But it wasn’t too late. I did a massive overhaul of myself. Therapy, medication, and healing that mother wound. It was brutal gut wrenching work that is going to be ongoing forever. But now my home is calm and happy. My kids are happy and safe. My husband and I are more in love than ever. I’m so lucky they didn’t run even though they could have.

[@rjchavers9267]

I'm so happy for you and your family being in a better place now. Thank God for discernment, wisdom and self awareness because without those things, you know what the end results would have been. If you haven't already, I encourage you to offer counseling and therapy for your family members to continue to repair the relationships with your husband and children in hopes that they don't have long term repercussions that could spill over in other areas of their lives. I hope you all continue on the good path you have started with your husband and children. 💛👍

[@smmds]

Medication for anger? I didn't know they have those.

[@rjchavers9267]

@@smmds there are mood stabilizers. That may be what op is talking about, but that's just a guess.

[@smmds]

@@rjchavers9267yeah.. that makes sense.

[@smmds]

@Melinda-sz4lh I am not a Christian and I don't have the same beliefs as you do. Thank you

[@OliveGreen0516]

The second caller got married too young, and now he's growing up and realizing it. He should count his blessings that he does not have kids with his wife and leave if she's abusing him.

[@francinea1390]

Yes, but he is making the guy feel guilty about wanting to separate.

[@redpillfreedom6692]

​@@francinea1390Unfortunately a lot of traditionalists only see men as disposable utilities whose problems and concerns should be ignored because it's "unmanly" to talk about them. I guarantee you he wouldn't be doing this if a woman were telling the same story.

[@chriskvande8900]

My mother abused and controlled the hole family, she hit, screamed, totalpsyko, she never never said sorry for anything. To day, i m 55 and have No contact. But woman does hit and abuse. They kill your soul, ruin people. Abuse is a dealbreaker

[@11118msn]

That’s rough. I agree abuse is a dealbreaker.

[@bluebunny5500]

Wow. This was my childhood. The entire house lived to keep my mom happy and calm. I thought my dad was the best man ever. But as I am getting older I see a man who is broken and allowed my mom to ruin our childhood and family.

[@norasanchez2348]

She probably has some mental health issues honey, you're an adult, talk to her now & perhaps YOU'RE the savior she's been waiting on. Let's not just criticize them. Let's talk to them now and can help them,now that you can. What IF you were silently suffering like first caller & actually the 1st caller is a great exampleof this issue- put the pieces together, we are not perfect as humans NOT Just as parents. Don't think act, now you know more & better.

[@norasanchez2348]

​@11118msn so is cheating & HE already has his eye on someone else, did everyone miss it? Hmmm

[@Joy_Mission]

I worry about the future of the marriage/family if they have kids. The wife needs to deal with her violent reactions in conflict.

[@marileebell801]

Abuse is not normal, separate now for your own protection !

[@plantdaddylady]

Just because you spent 10 years making a mistake doesn't mean you have to stick with it. She hits you, she's done. They clearly don't have the same values about many things.

[@marymccann6110]

Exactly. If someone hits you once, they will hit you again. I have a feeling that if this was a woman being hit, he would have told her to get out. It isn't okay for men to be hit either

[@mariahconklin4150]

okay hitting is never okay but when you're in the hospital and your boyfriend can't sit there with you because "he has work" I literally had CDIFF and you can die from it well then reactive abuse comes into play and you snap. That was my case and I hit my boyfriend on the hand. Yes hitting is not okay but it's also not okay to neglect people. He was even on his phone the whole time while he waited for me it's pathetic and it's not something you can just get over.

[@dtschuor459]

Also, part of that ten years together was in their childhood. It’s very possible that they have outgrown each other and moved in different directions.

[@MightyMako]

@@mariahconklin4150 The fact that you’re rationalizing her abuse is really alarming.

[@sabinasb2445]

​@@mariahconklin4150are you still in a relationship with that boyfriend ?

[@11118msn]

Will Farrell and Chris Farley are hilarious! The man with the abusive wife is not being respected. The cop that came to help me told me once a person disrespects you physically, it rarely stops, better to get out before it gets worse. I did just that and haven’t regretted it. Life IS better without abuse. Sometimes the grass IS greener on the other side, even if that means being alone.

[@rebeccamcelhaney]

No guy or gal should put up with any kind of abuse in a dating or marriage relationship. If she doesn’t stop abusing you physically you need to remove yourself from the marriage. It’s only going to get worse. I kept thinking he’d quit, but I’ve been there and my ex almost killed me in the end.

[@Angela-ne9cy]

On the 2nd caller: I suspect if he hadn't mentioned another woman, Dr. D would have offered very different advice. I think his perception was blurred when the affair fantasies popped up and he focused more on THAT than the abuse.

[@patriciaabatemarco3834]

My grandma was a real life monster. She beat her children and my grandpa a USMC veteran. He wouldn’t even defend himself because “real men don’t hit women “. I’m not a fan of people hitting others but even as a kid I begged him to leave her. He never did and it wasn’t until he had Alzheimers that the family could step in on his behalf and separate him from her. Don’t let people beat you. Leave her, leave her now.

[@murderofcrows7738]

Sorry Dr D, but as a former victim of domestic abuse I have to disagree with your advise to Bill. He doesn’t need to work harder on a marriage to someone to who abuses him financially, emotionally and physically. Sometimes it’s better for marriages to end. I left my abusive relationship (not marriage) after I met someone else, and we’ve been together 20 years. Has it been perfect? Absolutely not! I have never had to worry about being abused again though. Let’s not pretend all women are the same here. He can absolutely upgrade from the awful “partner” he has now.

[@MrsEyerick]

I was in agreement up until he dismissed the physical abuse that Bill's enduring. He acknowledged that it happens, but that's about it. Not cool. It's unacceptable for men and women to abuse each other in any way, shape or form. Cheating isn't gonna fix Bill's marriage, but he SHOULD NOT remain his wife's punching bag. He needs to get out NOW.

[@greenAbbot]

You are 100% right. I'm so glad that there are no kids in this relationship, and I hope it stays that way until (or unless) this situation changes drastically. I can't really judge someone based on a ten-minute description of them by someone else, but I heard nothing in this call that made me think there was something worth saving here. People who grow up in an environment where physical violence is normalized might not really get how damaging it is, but if they won't immediately promise to never do it again and to get in therapy when you lay down the line, they are gone. I'm glad you were able to get out, and I wish all happiness for you in the future.

[@sailorsallyrockinrarity2130]

I think here what matters the context... is the other woman someone who can help him escape abuse? Or is the other woman only going to enable repeating the cycle? I would rather see Bill get out of this marriage on his own and within a community of friends and family, rather than use another woman as a vehicle to get out unless she truly recognize that he is being abused by his wife, and wants him to get out of the marriage regardless of whether or not he gets into a relationship with her. Otherwise Bill can get into a pattern of being with abusive women.

[@joshhidalgo2588]

You left your marriage AFTER you met someone else? were you just waiting for something to come along? Maybe you should call in

[@murderofcrows7738]

@@joshhidalgo2588 Lol. I wasn’t married, not even living together. Thankfully I was smart enough to not do that, just not smart enough to get the restraining order to keep him away altogether. He had someone else… I did not. I just MET someone better. Where did I say I cheated? Regardless, I know what Dr D would have said, I’m a woman so he would have told me to run and not get married. Funny my comment triggered you enough to attack me. You might want to watch that attitude.

[@squidward6187]

Good for you, Rachel. I've talked to a lot of guys who admit to violent thoughts, but never a female. It's more shameful for us to admit to that since we're supposed to be the "peaceful" sex. It's often hard to accept when we need help. I wish more people were like you, brave and willing to change.

[@Staycozzyy]

The way that John already knew that Bill knew he had his eyes on someone else… 😮 Dr. Deloney is a MIND READER!!!!!!!!

[@Staycozzyy]

I’ve had lots of respect for Dr. D but this episode has provided lots of insight and respect for what he and the call in people have to share 🙌🏼

[@ILmachiner]

He isn't a mind reader. The writing was on the wall. Bill needs to get the he'll out of there. If he didn't have his eye on someone else he would be an idiot.

[@Jozzie1987]

Have a hard time blaming him for looking somewhere else. It’s not the right thing but the number of abused spouses that run to someone else is very high. He needs to leave, get some counselling for himself, maybe with her and see if they can/want to salvage the relationship. But no dating.

[@droptozro]

There's also that pre-call/email from the caller a week or so before the recorded show that explains a bit more before the person goes on the show which I'm sure John reads or listens to it. So, not always.

[@ILmachiner]

@@Jozzie1987 finding a new woman is exactly the right thing to do.

[@lilarose9348]

I’m beyond proud of Rachael for reaching out and wanting to improve her mental health. It’s scary to let others know about these symptoms. As someone who has mental health struggles it’s impressive to be as strong as she is. I hope to hear an update of how she’s doing. Best of luck Rachael

[@tabkaliO]

Indeed, even though she’s in turmoil, she has so much clarity about where she is and with proper treatment, she’ll do great.

[@3roachkidsdhe]

People always say they are doing great when they first call in and then they proceed to tell him how miserable they are

[@angel-ke9vs]

I'm doing great is the default answer. It does not mean that really mean anything its an automatic response 😅

[@dorothywillms115]

@@angel-ke9vsyeah but it’s still a fib.

[@aliciacarstensen7904]

​@@dorothywillms115they tell a fib?? Oh noooo lock their azzes up dude😂😂😂😂

[@MessagesFromAurora]

​@dorothywillms115 that's why I hate that question as a greeting. no one expects a real answer . but also, one can acknowledge that life in general is wonderful and be like, there's just this thing I need help with. it's all a matter of perspective

[@Geewhizzy]

Greetings should bé " Hi Youre not ok right?​@@MessagesFromAurora

[@laciagwinn6710]

My heart goes out to Rachel and I commend you for letting her speak so candidly on the show, because people don’t get a true look into what active suicidality is. Dying sounds like pure relief and living sounds scary. But on the off chance she or someone struggling reads this - it does destroy people who love you and I PROMISE someone does. My child’s father died by suicide about 5 years ago and my heart is still sick about it.

[@OhNoNoNoNoNo]

"My heart is still sick" such an apt way to describe grief. Thank you for this. I hope you and your family find healing.

[@pilimtoro677]

I disagree with Dr. Malony on the domestic violence case. If it were a man being abusive towards his wife you would’ve told her to get out of there. I don’t believe it is the victim’s responsibility, in this case the husband’s responsibility, to work on bettering the relationship. She is violent towards him, he needs to get out of there. Periodt.

[@da---536]

she is hitting for es but not running to a fantasy it will not work i agree 100% his wife may be crying out for attention so John wants him to try to save it and if she gets abusive again get out but he needs to work on himself first at least the husband tried..makes sense

[@LaSoldier505]

​@@da---536 Could be. But that still doesn't change the fact that if this were opposite genders he would not be telling her what he told this guy, and neither would you. If A man is hitting his girlfriend every time they have a disagreement / argument you would not be saying "oh well he is just crying out for attention, you need to work on yourself and try to make it work instead of thinking about other men being in a fantasy land". Yeah that would've happen, y'all would say RUN!

[@GrannyDi276]

So glad the first caller's getting help! The husband with the abusive wife needs to run. Thank God they don't have children! What would she do to them. Doesn't abuse tend to get worse...she might kill him in his sleep....Run, young husband....she needs to get help❤

[@AshaLee111]

As someone who was in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship for 4 years I can say that it will only get worse. Many relationships can be saved with lots of accountability and facing the facts but physical abuse isn’t really one you can come back from. Imagine a girl who’s in the trenches of an abusive relationship watching this podcast and getting the message that it’s fixable....all bad.

[@cararector5831]

To the first caller. ❤️❤️❤️❤️ I have so much empathy for you and want to send you hugs.

[@karenholt8441]

I learned that it takes time to get ready and get in the car, it takes time to walk into a building from the parking lot, go up the elevator etc, etc. so I automatically add at least 15 mins to my leave the house time or travel time. I enjoy my drive more, I’m more aware of people around me doing unexpected things. If someone cuts me off, I say ‘I knew you were gonna do that!’ Instead of getting angry. It takes a while to become habit, but so worth it! Especially if you have kids to also gather and leave. It’s a good life lesson. Good onya Dr John, my bruthah! 👍🏽🙏🏼🇦🇺🇺🇸

[@liamlynch2115]

It’s amazing that first woman made it into a successful adulthood. Glad she is open about the issues, I’m sure that helps. I hope she finds relief and contentment.

[@summerschoening56]

Hearing about other people’s problems makes me feel better about my own

[@Ragman-312]

Uh, that's not how it's supposed to work 😂. Other people being sad shouldn't make you happier.

[@tracie1365]

​@@Ragman-312I don't think it's that someone else's misery makes the other person happy. No one has a perfect life. It illustrates that whatever problem we may have pales in comparison, making us grateful that things aren't that bad.

[@rosec8101]

Oh my goodness I love that she is brave enough to talk about this.

[@mayso1104]

But she’s beating him. And if genders were reversed, he’d be saying, “leave for your safety” and “you do not deserve to be treated that way”

[@lindatannock]

I couldn't agree more! I think his advice was terrible! He was angry with the guy. Male or female DV is still DV and it's UNSAFE! He needs to get out of there. No counselling. Forget it!

[@flowersforme375]

Well the thing is yes hey help no violence but men are at least 50 % stronger than woman. It’s like a child is hitting but it also means he doesn’t have to tolerating getting hit.

[@paulneligh5095]

If men left women everytime they were physical, no one would be married tho

[@pugcom]

@@paulneligh5095 brilliant comment, thanks for making my day 👍

[@TigerSeven86]

@@paulneligh5095I’m a woman and I totally agree. (Not me though).. but way too many women think it’s fine to get physical, like children!

[@yvonnemclaughlin4324]

Do Not stay in a abusive relationship Ever!

[@unnamedchannel1237]

Some people pay good money

[@janellegrieco6077]

I can really relate to the lady who is having hallucinations and things. My husband went through that and he was a really good man, but he also had schizophrenia! You ask my four girls about their dad and they will tell you that they had the best dad in the whole world! He always had his family’s best interest in his heart! I’m not saying that this is not going to be challenging because dealing with a mental illness is always challenging however you can still have the most beautiful life! My husband passed away in January 2022 and I miss him so much! He was my person and he always will!!!

[@msgoody2shoes959]

Someone is likely sedating/drugging her while she sleeps, sex trafficking her, and return gaslight her. Intrusive thoughts are a side effect of psych drugs. Like your trusted friend shouldn't be. Run.

[@davidgerke7150]

The 2nd caller, clearly the other woman is affecting his emotional perception, but physical violence should have zero tolerance. Disregard everything else, he needs to get out for his health and safety.

[@murderofcrows7738]

I agree. No way he’d tell a woman to just try harder. It would be an instant out.

[@hollystiener16]

@@murderofcrows7738 exactly.

[@STMARTIN009]

The doctor got it dead wrong with Bill.Bill needs to get out asap.

[@lynnebucher6537]

John was so great with caller 1. I hope she gets successful treatment

[@SteelBridgeGirl]

Regarding Erin, taking a break to be with her husband is definitely needed. My dad would offer to babysit his siblings kids for a weekend when they need a break. And his sister took him up on it. My parents watched their 5 kids for a weekend and years later found out that his sister and her husband just got a hotel in the area and "slept." But she said it did way more for their marriage than he'd ever know.

[@Boomercon3000]

That is so great❤

[@TheChef470]

Abuse is a non negotiable deal breaker……anyone who suggest differently doesn’t know what they’re talking about.

[@novocaine09]

I'm disappointed to see the negative comments about Rachel. People saying things like that are the reason people with schizophrenia and other psychosis causing disorders are afraid to seek help. There's a TED talk I recommend called I am not a monster about schizophrenia. People don't want to think and see these things. Clearly she grew up in a household that put a lot of shame on seeking mental help, so I'm glad she is brave enough to reach out. It sounds scary, yes, but seeing rude comments like that will only discourage people from getting help.

[@Hiker2110]

At least Rachel has enough self-awareness to reach out and ask for help.

[@hospsa6933]

@@Hiker2110 Yea its not easy doing that especially when thousands will hear you talk about it

[@elliemathews6884]

Well said. This is a mental health issue. No different than a physical illness. This lady is awesome. The fact that she called in and was so open and transparent is so commendable. The fact that she has suffered like this for years and is still holding her life somewhat together is incredible. God bless this woman and her family. I pray she seeks help and is fully healed.

[@AC-mp7cx]

a man who was causing these issues would get zero sympathy

[@safetyharbor2540]

@@elliemathews6884 amen

[@tacooflove6175]

I got married young and had cold feet on my wedding day and my feet got hot because I thought “what would I be doing if he wasn’t here? I’d be looking for someone just like him.” For the mom caller I know allot of moms who feel that way and I was told “if you don’t take care of yourself then you can’t take care of others.” So I had to schedule time off so my husband would watch the kids and I could just go to a book store and feel like myself again for awhile or eat a meal without being interrupted. My son called it mommy’s day and even he noticed how happy I am afterwards and he’s learning how to be a good husband and dad from his dad.

[@platinumhandymansolutions]

We love you John! Ramsey did a great job bringing you on. Keep up the solid work, and helping so many people.

[@STMARTIN009]

He gave horrible advice to Bill. He needs to leave asap. She is an abuser.

[@TheFertileOne]

Sometimes the problem with having known and been in a relationship with someone for so long... is you know their patterns and habits of weakness (which usually trigger your own) and you don't believe (the elephant in the room) will ever change as you have yet to have a new (authentic) response.

[@omgurheadsgone]

Dr. John is not taking the fact that Bull is being physically abused seriously enough… that marriage is over because there is no getting past that previous abuse even if she did care enough to seek help for her anger issues and physical abuse issues. He needs to serve her with divorce papers asap.

[@barefooterin2817]

It's really impressive how Delony is able to navigate these conversations where there IS specific diagnosis that needs to be addressed, and he CAN'T diagnose....but is able to point out things and make it clear what type of help they need.

[@davidw2857]

Agreed. Dr. John is biased. He tells people he doesn’t advocate for divorce but he does say that people should get out of a situation if it’s not safe. Bill is not safe, so he needs to get out. Only work on the marriage if she gets help for her abusive behavior. Otherwise, abuse is NOT ok, no matter which spouse is the abuser.

[@sopranosd]

What bias are you referring to? HIs pro marriage at almost all costs attitude? Also, he is totally correct that people should get out of a situation if someone is not safe, regardless of whether its the woman or the man being hit. Not acceptable. Don't work on that marriage; get out! It's not worth it.

[@lorrainem8234]

💯

[@catherinenelson4162]

I had a nephew who heard voices, etc. It turned out that he was schizophrenic. Unfortunately, when he needed help the most, his parent's didn't get him help. He didn't live too long as an adult.

[@drewmunny]

I'm sorry to hear that, Catherine. Hope you and your family are doing well these days.

[@boxelder9147]

Poor guy

[@kellyeverett]

Heartbreaking 💔

[@marleneworth3355]

Physical assault should not be something this guy should be told to work through!!! Bill needs to leave his abuser!!!! You would not tell a woman to stay with an abuser, do not tell Bill to endure abuse

[@pamelarangel7104]

This sounds like schizophrenia. I pray Rachel can get the right help she needs. I'm no Dr.,but I've had experience with this kind of thing my entire life. My Dad, grandmother, and son have this. Praying for you 🙏

[@carolynmurphy3697]

KZbin Jerry Marzinsky. He's a Psychotherapist and had worked in mental institutions for years with schizophrenics. They are not your own voices, they are Demons and can be gotten rid of without medication but first the person needs to realize they are not their own thoughts. Interesting stuff

[@kellyeverett]

Could be schizophrenia, or bipolar or depression with psychosis .. she really needs to see a psychiatrist

[@eileenhetherington3704]

This is psychosis not schizophrenia. I grew up with 3 schizophrenic siblings (out of 8 children).

[@Llennett]

Ive been binging these videos recently and so far all his advice has been incredible. Up till this video. Im so disappointed that a man has said hes being hit and hes still suggesting he works on that marriage! Regardless of why he called. Even if he called it for what it was - abuse, which im glad for. But this double standard has to stop. Its why men dont come forward. Its heartbreaking. Just because statistically men are more dangerous doesnt mean women cant be dispicable or dangerous themselves. He even said if the roles were reversed, id be telling you to run, and i was shouting "so why arent you!" Argh! So frustrating. I hope i find another video somewhere where he mentions this call and says he should've told him to get out or something!

[@onecompass7290]

How did he NOT give her the number for the mental health crisis line? She needs immediate URGENT care.

[@bethaniacounseling]

He most likely has people behind the scenes that do that.

[@KihmJones]

He just let her waltz away on her hallucinagenic cloud. Expecting her to be responsible is a joke! He failed her in her cry for help!! I bet she never got psychiatric help!!!

[@listrahtes]

​@@KihmJones Agree there is too much pandering and not enough critical analysis and transfer to a immediate help line. He comes way too fast to conclusions.

[@jellyfishfields5657]

Behind the scenes

[@danarzechula3769]

Maybe off air

[@lizzymunter]

Abuse isn't just physical. He's emotionally abusing her by withholding love and affection and steering his heart toward someone else. It's never ok to put your hands on someone else in an abusive way, but abuse isn't just physical. Sometimes the mental/emotional triggers the physical.

[@janegrey4374]

Being late shows a lack of respect for the people you are meeting. You don't consider their time as important, but you expect them to consider your time as important.

[@MessagesFromAurora]

1st call 4:34 2nd call 18:14 3rd call 36:48

[@devdawg22]

My dad was a firefighter in the air force reserve and was a student at UCO when the murrah building happened. We lived in Edmond, OK and i was in 2nd grade. I remember very well the sound a feeling when that bomb went off. The earth shook. My dad was called to work hazmat and it messed him up. He has some form of PTSD and refuses really talk about it. The most i got out of him was a story about watching people recover the body of a man from the the rubble. When he was leaving that night there was a young man at the gatevwith a group of others looking for information about loved ones. He said this young man showwd him a picturebof the man he saw being recovered and he wasnt allowed to say anything to this young man. He had to look at him when he ask if he had seen his dad and just say no. His job was decontamination of workers as well as bodybparts and bodies. He refuses to go to the memorial as well. Sad stuff

[@Prometheuspredator]

I feel for your dad and I am so sorry about the trauma he continues to experience today. I hope your father has a good therapist or psychologist to help him manage his trauma and get the emotional support he needs to manage life better and get some closure. Is he involved in a support group with other rescuers or those who experienced something similar? I highly urge him to get help to manage his emotional needs. My heart goes out to him and your family as I know this has not only affected him, but his family as well. God Bless yau'l 🙏. I live in Oklahoma City as I was at work in a meeting when the bomb went off at the Murrah building. The whole building shook, because of the dramatic blast. Driving on the highway you could see the destruction of the building and the area were the bomb went off as that was the direct point where the daycare was. The whole area and buildings downtown surrounding the Murrah building were either destroyed or effected by the the bomb. When I was on the highway and would drive by the site it caused me to shudder in horror about the devistation. I hope all is better for your father and family. All my love and thoughts goes out to your dad and your family.

[@brightpage1020]

This is such a courageous episode! This woman must have so much on her plate. The fact that she has made it this far is a-maze-ing! I agree that the fact she sees her behavior with her kids is out of control and needs to be reigned in is a fantastic insight. The fact that she is capable of taking that level of responsibility is awesome and I believe her willingness to get help matched with that will give her a reasonably wonderful prognosis if she can keep the energy up to stick with the efforts it will take. Rooting for this momma! For her kids and for her own sense of self value and worth. She deserves better than this life her brain is giving her or to constantly fight it to be better. That must be exhausting. Major claps 👏 for her courageous efforts here. Praying she gets help she needs ASAP.

[@mabuhayPinay]

My hubby and I sat down one day to make a list of friends/family that we really liked and our kids enjoyed. We asked each of them if they could serve as a mentor. A mentor would spend one-on-one time with a kid once a month, take them out and do something fun. So, a family friend took one daughter for a gentle ride on a horse she owned. The other daughter would be taken to the movies. Another place was a farm where my kid spent time with baby goats. This lasted a while and it worked so well. My kids got to have experiences they wouldn't have had if not for their mentors.

[@e.g.5764]

I am always impressed by your compassion. Thank you.

[@pennydickinson3258]

It breaks my heart to hear some of the struggles people live with and go through! Thank you Dr. John for helping them!

[@Jet-xk7ss]

Thank goodness I found your channel. Such depth of compassion, advice…you and Jordan Peterson are amazing. Wish I had people like you as go to when I was growing up. My life decisions would have been so different. Anyone listening to you and getting started in life is soooo lucky,

[@Dwights_trash_can]

John really knew exactly what was up with Bill that was so crazy when he knew there was someone else

[@tinaf600]

Bill is being hit by his wife. Maybe if he goes to her and says I'm imagining my life without you. Then she slams her head into a wall and causes a bruise on her face and then calls the police on him. I will get to safety first, because I don't trust women who put their hands on men. Even if he attempts to call the police on her is her word against him and they believe the women more when it comes to physical abuse. I think that's bad advice that John just gave. I would leave her and then send her a text message so he can have proof, just in case she ends up going crazy, that she is physically abusing him.

[@Sunrise_Travel2025]

The first caller is brave to even talk about this. I hope she found a good doctor.

[@omgurheadsgone]

I hope so too. I felt so bad for her, must have felt so lonely and scary dealing with this alone for all these years.

[@_._.4]

I hope so. Some doctors are great, others can make you want to commit suicide because of how abusive they are 😂

[@samplautz5586]

I am hugely against divorce, and for the most part I think that couples need to work things out. However if there is ever physical abuse in my sons marriage or daughters marriage, I will not hesitate to tell them to leave immediately

[@josecorrales14]

That lady is the reason why im always aware of my surroundings whenever im out in public/ family gathering lol literally cant trust anybody

[@reneet5858]

Are you referring to the woman who was suffering so badly, and had managed to somehow, by the Grace of God, keep herself from hurting or making true the dark thoughts she has had for so many years? Trust me, you're a whole lot more likely to die in a Carr crash than from someone who allows their intrusive thoughts to become a reality. You make her sound like a common criminal, not someone who has for years, fought Mental Illness all on her own. Instead of constantly surveying the rooms in public for danger, you'd do well to try and understand that Mental Health and Illnesses, are no different than physical illnesses. And, with help and medication you can live a normal life. Educate yourself on how rarely people with " Dark Thoughts " actually act on them. Also, educate yourself on what medication can do and provide with people who suffer from Mental Health Disorders.

[@s.g.3737]

Dr. John, i pray that your staff intervened to get her out of the house and away from her kids until she is medicated. Good Lord, leaving this up to her to get help is DANGEROUS

[@elliemathews6884]

Do things like that and people who need help will stop calling and seeking the help they need.

[@Snappypantsdance]

@@elliemathews6884 agreed! I think so many things we do in this knee jerk react society backfires. We need to try to always keep in mind the law of unintended consequences. That’s often hard.

[@Hopeonfyre]

Rachel, you’re gonna be fine I hear this all the time in my line of work you just need medication :-) I know it’s scary to go the first time but you’ll be so glad you did. I hear this probably in 30 to 35% of my clients. Dr. Deloney is 100% right :-)

[@cpirtle]

This whole episode was so good. I enjoyed it. So happy I discovered Dr. Delony!

[@masonr1666]

@ 3:09 My Grandfather had a saying "You can either wait to leave, or wait while you are there." Personally, I do not function well in the morning, never have. I am the guy that hits the snooze bar 3 to 8 time (for a total of 1hr.) What I do is just set my alarm clock earlier, to give me that extra "buffer time". That way I never have to wake up at the same time, but I always arrive at work early.

[@tashsme]

I'm the same way. No matter how long I sleep, waking up is the hardest thing I do every day. I set my alarm for 3 20-minute snoozes, so also an hour. lol It works. I work. Everyone is different. 🤷‍♀️ 😄

[@CoffeeVampyre]

I did the guided meditation. Thank you very much. It was very helpful. In my case, I needed to acknowledge to myself that I am doing a lot of heavy work. I am starting a new job on Monday. I am also in school full time. I am doing a lot of heavy work on myself with my mental and physical health. I live with loving family. I have so much support, and I am very grateful. I have taken on a lot. My body is alarming me because I need to rest. I also need to prepare for this new working adventure. I am making my own life and already reaping the benefits if my hard work. I deserve these positive consequences. I am worth loving. Thank you so much for creating a safe space for me to check in with myself. I am doing much better than I thought. Thank you for helping me see that.

[@brennengodeen3796]

The grass isn’t always greener on the other side, it’s greener where you water it. The nervous butterflies are certainly desirable but I find comfort without complacency to be very satisfying.

[@cessiahc]

Bravo! To all those who called in and Dr. Delony. Great show, always. Thank you for this. Truly & sincerely generous and giving to your community and the greater. I'm in all the way in Canada (keke); receiving grace and power to go forward.

[@karadaniel6334]

Am I the only one who is wondering why you are overlooking that his wife is not working, spending without concern for the debt and is PHYSICALLY ABUSIVE to her husband?

[@rachelgooden9981]

I know right. This young man deserves better

[@cassiescott6499]

he probably should leave. he sounds ready to and like he was calling just to get confirmation that he should. He is already done with her, just not willing to take the jump. I disagree with Dr. Deloney. Physical and financial abuse mean divorce

[@Kurodarkness]

Dr. John doesn’t overlook it, he flat out tells the guy that he’s in a abusive relationship.

[@sfappetrupavelandrei]

@@Kurodarkness Yet he said that if he would have been a woman, he would tell to run. Being a man makes it more ok to be abused?

[@Kurodarkness]

@@sfappetrupavelandrei That's not what I said and that is not what Dr. John said.

[@katelynpatterson2407]

John is hitting the nail on the head! Praying for you, Erin.

[@nmn6447]

Just found this guy. Blown away. Best therapist ever.

[@eugener5494]

He is fantastic! I listen hours at a time sometimes. Found him about 6 months ago listening to Dave Ramsey. He is so likable and his insight is excellent.

[@amberrose1108]

No, unfortunately.hes not a Christian, I'm pretty sure. He's not giving Christian based advice. 1 800 NEW LIFE has good, Christian counselors, and it's a live call in show.

[@daaronwells]

"Dissatisfied" dude doesn't realize that whether he had other "connections" or not before he got married, the first several years of a marriage are full of those kinds of thoughts. It's because the marriage never delivers on all your expectations. It can't, because she is just a person, too.

[@keard558]

Platitude aside grass is greener when u water your grass.

[@lindamerritt5242]

rachel needs to see a neurologist asap... if she is having seizures, it could be from an unknown head injury, especially if her mom was violent and could have injured her and she doesn't remember... she may also be bi-polar with psychosis and needs sleep desperately..

[@nadinejoseph4507]

So proud of Rachel for calling,she needs a psychiatrist who is also trained in neurology .do it for your family

[@elliemathews6884]

Trapped childhood trauma from abuse can also cause seizures. I knew a woman who was sexually abused who began having seizures from it.

[@jsy3359]

My thoughts exactly!

[@TheYokaiRadio]

​@elliemathews6884 I have C-PTSD and my Mom has Schizophrenia.... If as a young adult you've experienced these symptoms of auditory & visual hallucinations, it is simply called Schizophrenia. She could have Schizo-effective disorder as well, not full-blown but a Mood disorder nonetheless.

[@cathyosullivan718]

I’m concerned about Bill. He was initially saying that she wasn’t holding down jobs and overspending. It sounds like there could be some financial abuse going on as well as physical. I hope she gets her act together.

[@hollystiener16]

He needed to get out of the house asap.

[@TaurineDippy]

Imagine getting beat up by your significant other and this guy tells you "You need to stick this relationship out." No dude, you need to get out of there. She's hit you. She doesn't think of you like you're a man. People that hit you DON'T LOVE YOU. Your marriage is over. Don't listen to this guy. Break up with her and get with this other chick. Whatever you do, don't spend another day with your wife if she is hitting you. She might hit you today, but when you tell her "If you hit me again I am calling the cops." she might try to frame you for something, or worse SHOT YOU. GET OUT OF THERE. This is such horrible, reckless advice.

[@amandag7086]

I usually can agree with John but yeah I agree, this is a two way street. We don’t hit! Abusers abuse they don’t frequently get better….

[@saulvasquez2018]

I agree with you on having to leave asap! I disagree with the idea of going to someone else’s arms right away before healing and growing (learning from this experience) as a human being!

[@tylertyler6418]

John had shown a repeated pattern and I’ve noticed it and called it out on many videos. He repeatedly goes easy on or is gentler towards women in general and is harsher and has more expectations of men.

[@MikeThePike316]

I think you completely missed the point, which is adequately summarized at 34:40. If he's gonna leave, leave. However, the solution is not to deal with the relationship problems by running into the arms of another person.

[@Xion-Rotti]

@@MikeThePike316 Bingo

[@elliemathews6884]

Bravo lady for reaching out for help and your honesty.

[@Emy53]

The reality is that a good doctor might report her to CPS and her children might be removed. I think she knows this and is afraid to speak to a psychologist. The doctor is obligated to contact social services if a parents has these thoughts.

[@KihmJones]

I fully agree! Delaney failed big time on following his code of ethics! This is a very dangerous situation for everyone in her home!!!

[@lisalapoint7022]

Great advice: tell her outright: If you don't get help and stop physically assaulting me, I will leave you, but first I will call the cops. I don't want this marriage to end, but I am already fantasizing about leaving and having a happier life. This is your last chance. Then, if it doesn't work, he has peace, knowing he tried. And maybe she gets help and gets a good relationship later. Maybe they should never have gotten married. But If it does work, and the marriage becomes a deeper relationship, then he still did the right thing. Win win.

[@brightpage1020]

“A place of peace”… yeah. Wishing this on that family. For them. For their mom.

[@stvbrookie]

The first person who called in needs deliverance.

[@Suzie_Q1989]

Yessssss!! I tend to have stupid hallucinations when I’m not on meds. I have CPTSD and BPD… my BPD went into remission when I started meds. I quit hallucinating. Some triggers of the CPTSD are still there. My hallucinating is was occurring when I was the most stressed (before and after work). Realizing that, it helped. Three things that helped me realize of my hallucinations: 1.) Why would someone do that to you? 2.) is it logical? 3.) what were you doing right before you heard/saw it?

[@mochi_3600]

Thank you for the upfront warnings. As someone with PTSD and struggling with triggers I appreciate it…

[@jgfffffffhjiufdddj]

i love how John just KNOWS things. God is really using him to help people! what a gift. i'm personally blessed from this content!💞

[@amberrose1108]

He doesn't KNOW things, he thinks he does. Some of it is right, but not all of it.

[@hidaaa0937]

Probably one of the best episodes by John so far

[@LevityBrevity]

BILL!!! LEAVE HER!!!!! THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR ABUSE!!!!!!!

[@jeradkiester698]

Bill, record video on your cell phone. She will lie to the cops and as a male, YOU will get hauled off to jail

[@MRkriegs]

Yep

[@corrieworou4813]

Good advice, but by the time that you are calling the police on each other isn't the relationship over?

[@reneet5858]

It may be over, but he may also be alive to see another day. Women kill just like men do. Maybe not as often , but the numbers are rising. Look at the High School girls who go completely off the rails over a breakup. Violence will NOT stop until HE gets OUT. I'm a woman on the other side of the quarter. I'm so very glad that I ran like hell with my kids after years of abuse. It led me to a much better place where while I at first was a scared rabbit determined to protect my kids at all costs, who felt that life HAD to be more than constantly walking on eggshells, dreading picking up my kids and going home, to a fierce woman who eventually ran into a loving, strong man, who joked that he " created a monster" by teaching me how to protect myself in so many ways. Legally, physically, mentally. When I doubted myself, he was always the one to say " You HAVE THE RIGHT to be happy, not live in fear, and be healthy in all ways". "The kids have the RIGHT to have a good example of what, and how a man should treat them, with respect, love, and never violence". We lost him 4.5 years ago to the effects of Agent Orange. Our 6 girls, our 13 Granddaughters, and 3 Grandsons, and of course me, Miss him so deeply. It's harder for them, I think, because he was their safe place. So, NO, no man, woman, or child deserves to be hit, emotionally abused, scared in their own house. She's had control for far to long. Take back your life.

[@MoonLover1917]

God bless you Dr. John for helping me to change my life one day at a time and God bless you Erin for helping the sick during this pandemic ♥️🙏

[@cindyvajnar4851]

Me too!

[@ahimsaalexander9004]

I love how freely you admit how often you are late. It makes me giggle…from another late bloomer voted most likely to be late to my own wedding (but wasn’t since I had everyone around me lol). I just get into my head or am fully present and forget about the next thing. I like that about the Mediterranean cultures. It’s rude to be on time lol

[@tonniareed8631]

John you are sooo insightful on this dissatisfied marriage. I wasn’t even guessing he had sights on someone else.

[@nancypicchi9224]

Regardless of finding comfort while in a relationship, we need to seek help on a serious level. Psychiatric medications are available to help us, not hurt us. Seek out a Psychiatrist, and get RX Medication. I’m the first to say it works & keeps the world around me REAL!

[@bobbylibertini]

Yep! The correct pronunciation is "Loovul" [LOU-VULL] (said very quickly and almost monosyllablically). As a former NYer living in KY (luckily nowhere near Loovul) I never knew how to say it correctly (even hearing the natives saying it many times) until I saw it spelled L o o v u l on an interweb forum. (Been here 23 years in this very rural county, and every time I open my mouth, to this very day, I still hear "You ain't from around here, are ya?" -until I say "Loovul"...then I'm good :D)

[@sarahlennox8963]

I really like the "driving the speed limit" recommendation

[@dorothywillms115]

In Canada kids are on a probation of types after getting their license for 2 years. It’s been like this about 25 years. Just ONE infraction and they have to start over. It’s saved a LOT of lives Dr. D!!! I’m not sure I would appreciate you on our roads. SLOW DOWN TO LIVE. And for goodness sake be on time cause will get you too. People see that as arrogance even though it might be ADHD.