This Is Why 80% Of Relationships FAIL (Including Yours)

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

Hey guys, hope this was helpful! Leave me a comment with your thoughts! If you’d like to see if our program would be a good fit for you & what you NEED, be sure to check out my brand new masterclass on the 5 Proven Steps to Rebuilding Your Relationship/Marriage. (Warning: Spots are limited). At the end of this masterclass, we will provide you instructions on how to apply for the program, and we will be able to honestly inform you if the program would be a good fit for you, or not! Here is the link to the MASTERCLASS! → urlgeni.us/MCEP154DS Download the FREE GUIDE! → relationshipsmastered.com/healing-partner-emotions To see how all my clients have achieved massive success through dire & hopeless circumstances, click here! kzbin.info/aero/PLQ8tvyhQlPzsNm-vC_g_8SWGcJRngefgU

[@leta8796]

Geoffrey, KEEP UP THE WONDERFUL WORK. I appreciate you for creating these long-form detailed videos. IN general, I'm very aware on how I use my time, but your videos are sooo valuable that I saw them all..THANK YOU and PLS, KEEP ON going deeper into this subject.

[@annyyarellano4691]

Great video, Geoffrey! This isn’t just about becoming a better partner but in becoming an overall better person. I like this value-packed form of video

[@Nuez234]

Yo! Man. Another one. Been waiting on your podcast. Gonna take my time to soak it in. Thank you for all you do! 🙏🏾

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

Podcast is a little slow in progress. Recorded a few EPs, but wife and I are doing a LOT of travelling and house renos this year to get ready for our baby coming in next year! Keep going!

[@Nuez234]

@@GeoffreySetiawanI remember you saying so in the past on working on some montessori arrangement in preparation for the coming baby. You're going to be a Father soon... another phase for you and wife. Glad to know things are progressing nicely. I know the wait will be worth it.

[@aizensosuke6031]

Brother can you make a content about the term called "roommate syndrome"?

[@DangerOUSXD666]

I've comeback to this video about 3times now! So much to unpack on shifting and no longer holding yourself back from judgment. It's definitely a deep dive finding the thoughts that hold you back and then diving into why you think those thoughts and shifting and healing from them. Pause and think section is definitely eye opening! Geoff you've divulged so much over your videos! Would definitely love to hear more about the BPV's! I've discovered some good Why's that affect my how's and what's when it comes to more positive behavior and just hearing things that come to me. I'd like to understand the more nuanced version of the BPV and leveling up those areas! I feel like I can do better in that and just having better why's for myself. Love your video's! So grateful for all the insight in internal growth and growing relationships!

[@livewithinthedream]

Okay. Finally watched the entire thing. I will reference this video. The concepts here are easy to understand, but hard to implement for a person who doesn’t grasp the deeper meaning. Only started unjamming scales somewhat recently. What I noticed is: conversations flow easier. People want to engage with you and have conversations with you. The flow of those said conversations is always positive(interpretation due to a positive mindset), which is amazing and I think one of the best things I have experienced in my life. I find that overthinking this could be detrimental. Dangerous for some of the comments I have seen on KZbin in general. As I notice that a lot of individuals do not want to truly understand others. So on that note…even as I type this I see more jammed scales and the ridiculous nature of them had me chuckle but ready to get that work done. Thanks for the great content.

[@leroymthulisindlovu]

Thank you for these long form Videos, Geoff! I have been watching your videos since last year, though for a while there I was no longer consistent. The reason for this was simple. I took the survey but I backed out when the investment required was mentioned because I felt I could not raise the amount of money required. But I could feel that the 'tactics' for changing myself are what will help me become the person who can afford the investment! These longer videos have really helped me get a clearer grasp on what you are teaching us. This one in particular hit me hard because I was able to think of specific incidents in the relationship, when I was fucked up by my jammed scales! It even helped me see how some of my efforts to build safety have been flopping. But my greatest take away is this. Learn - > Try - > if you fail, go back and learn again - > try -> if you succeed, go back and see what else there is to learn -> try... and so on. Thanks again, brother!

[@connecticut730]

Great content. And I get my scales are jammed and we may get ourselves into a prison of influence. What happens when our wifes scales tipped, she blew the gasket, filed and is proceeding for divorce? I think a part 2 on how to deal with extreme negative confirmation bias would be a great topic. My wife has gone so far to poison the well with her Asian family,, father, mother, sister. Or, maybe even a better topic for your new podcast and I'd like to be a caller!!!!

[@luigigabriello]

Geoffrey you are the best channel on KZbin, as soon as I see a video of yours I celebrate. Keep going with this series

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

Appreciate it, my guy! After you watch this video, let me know what resonated with you most deeply. Don't hesitate to spread the word to others who would benefit from this stuff :)

[@ahmedshah5922]

I really enjoy this way of thinking. All human beings deep down have the same innate needs we just build up on how we fulfill them differently. So it goes to show there are an infinite number of ways you can meet those needs and desires so the issue of compatibility just ceases to exist . But the challenge and the skill involved is in unjamming the scales which is a very falling process .

[@livewithinthedream]

This video so far is right up my alley. Only 15 minutes in and something I learned from this channel is to live in the grey area. If you have a negative event, find out how that event was also positive. Same if you have a positive event. It has made wanting to explore people's minds and ideas such a joy as there is ALWAYS something to learn. I will comment more in-depth thoughts on this later when i finish the video, right on

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

Looking forward to those in-depth thoughts!

[@livewithinthedream]

Work has been insane. I am on minute 40, and I am indeed pausing as I go and rewatching. I completely agree that compatibility does not exist, and only realized this two weeks ago The in depth is still coming I just want to ensure I really soak this in. So give me two more days

[@biersmorgen6609]

She filed because I haven't made the necessary changes to create safety I screwed up so bad by pushing

[@livewithinthedream]

Look for the interviews on this guys channel where they filed or already got divorced. It’s reversible, but honestly just worry about putting in the work. Sit in SOC. The internal shifts and getting rid of those mind viruses through auto suggestions. Untethering. Deliver a strong and convincing TTH. Those are what I am working on, and it works. I catch myself almost immediately now. Gonna spend another week or two there and move to emotional safety through the simple framework he gives here. The more advanced ones are in the next video I believe he said

[@alecmcd8536]

Hey Geoff, Thanks for the lesson on identity shifting 101. My biggest blocker from being able to do this myself has been due to me feeling the imposter syndrome, but in reality it seems like all we need to do is to think more antithetically to balance our scales to un-lock them.(I love this, this is a genuine approach because in doing so we are not trying to be someone whom we are not, but simply questioning how we could have been wrong.) Another way I have heard this put from my partner is to embrace our childs mind. The reason being is everything is new to a child, they do not yet have a bias or any strong opinions yet, so they are free to become anybody they want to be. They are essentially watter, but are prone to have their scales jammed by their influences as they grow up. (Mainly their parents, teachers and friends.) However, I think the way you put it is straight forward, and teaches us how to unjam our scales, while the latter adds more context to the big picture.

[@Lorden350]

As someone who’s tried to get in the program. I really appreciate these deeper videos. Conceptually I understand a lot of what you’re teaching in these videos. I Laugh when I hear you say our mind is just a comparison machine, simply to say but spot on right👍 looking forward to more help from you. As I struggle with all of these mind poisons you point out.

[@narciacammon]

Another educational video! Again this will take some rewatches to see how I can interpret it right! My birthday is coming up and all I want for my birthday is to get into the program !!! Literally all I want!😂🙏

[@lukeleonardrasmussen3550]

I really liked this. Its something i need to still work on. Im not there entirely, BUT i can see wats in which I have done the things that Geoffrey talks about here, finding the balance rather than being so on one side about things. Im learning to find that balance. Finding the antithetical.

[@imagegotbeats]

Yessir bro this is about to a banger 👍🏾 Shout to you and your beautiful wife bro Geoffrey!!

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

Appreciate it, my guy! After you finish the video, don't forget to let me know what specifically made this a "banger" for you!

[@lukeleonardrasmussen3550]

Love this. Ill have to watch this one several times to get it...but I've had a problem with jammed scales all the time.

[@AndresColmenares-p2x]

Loved the previous videos in this series, I'll watch this one now! I'm entering the program next week, very excited!

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

Glad you've been enjoying these videos, Andres! BTW - Jason has many good notes regarding your application process :) Looking forward to you joining us!

[@RohanDas-z3t]

Hi Geoff , I've been learning your content since last one year , when my partner left me . And after trying all this time and after one year we talked smoothly, it was like some safety is being created . She was sharing her perspective , talking about the scenarios that we faced , the moments where she started falling out of love and all that , but she makes it look like nothing more can happen now , she says this is good for.your future . And I know I have to keep my internal shifts (upto what I have learnt, and also grow more on it ) .But I want to know more.about the area which I'm missing . I will still keep trying to talk to her not like phone bombing and in a needy way even though she says this was the last time . I know about the paradox of change and all about the other paradoxes ,but I think I'm not aware about everything , and I don't want to slip down now . I'm.just thinking I'm missing something, can you please add something to this .

[@VideoGameWorldTime]

Love these recent long form videos, more please!

[@flash12319]

How do you practice the frameworks? Is this something you remind yourself everyday of or is there an exercise we can use to practice the framework?

[@biersmorgen6609]

Geoff, what if she already filed for divorce and i keep getting blocked for all kinds of reasons mostly because of the ups and downs of my attitude....is it too late ? What is my next move in trying to salvage safety ...ur 100% right about safety man...

[@Karina_Engr]

Actualized YT channel has this content

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

@@Karina_Engr I am sure! The concept of duality, identity and subject/object has been discussed deeply in many spiritual and yogic writings. Applying them to the marriage and relationship setting in a deep way though, I have not seen any or much of! For the past 8 years, I have been studying alongside many experts in this field on how this topic manifests itself in the marriage, relationship setting and their interplay with the ego, the “mind viruses” as we call them, and how they affect behaviors and responses from both sides. But it’s a shame that others do not dive deep into this because this is so crucial!!

[@charliebrown7686]

Is it ever too late to start creating safety? Even after destroying safety for the 1 million time.Especially when she says she's exhausted with the marriage and she can't deal with it anymore.

[@seismicwhale5371]

How do u keep the spark alive? Its like asking how do i watch the same movie ive been warching for 15 years feel like new again. You dont. It changes, so does everyone. It turns from a fling to a relationship to a partnership to a sunk cost mutual understanding. Better cope with that sooner than later. Cant run from reality forever.

[@Karina_Engr]

Wooo! I’m excited to listen to this episode. ❤

[@Karina_Engr]

This is called duality, and identity

[@stormpurvance6758]

My biggest question is does the amount if time you guys have already been seperated truly matter if you gain the right skills. I understand that the program is more so on the point on self evolvement and improvement which is one of the main causes i watch these but i suppose a small part of myself is still holding to hope.

[@aripar8000]

Is it possible to regain her love through distance relationship? And when she is completely done with me and she just sees me as a friend?

[@rens7997]

Hey Geoff, I might be misunderstanding you here.. but how would balancing out scales not make you a yes-man? I'm all for being openminded to new experiences and exploring other perspectives, but I struggle with one thing.. hypothetically: what if a partner wants to 'spice' up the sex life and involve other people? This would be against my wants/desires. I am willing to explore as to why she would want that and see if the reason behind it is something we could fullfill in different ways, but I don't want to share my partner in that sense. I realise this is a majorly jammed scale, but unjamming can't be just like setting aside your own wants/desires and "Just learn to like having your girl shaboinked by someone else and do it bro". That would make me intensely unhappy. Extremely looking forward to deeper insight on this and finding out how I am wrong in my understanding here. Thanks in advance

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

Exactly what people with jammed scales would say :) How does DISCOVERING, UNDERSTANDING and diving deeper on the main issues make someone a YES MAN? Isn't this the same attitude that caused you to have so many jammed scales in the first place? It is impossible to unjam your scales with jammed scales. For example, in your case, you obviously already have determined that "'spice' up the sex life and involve other people" is such a wrong thing to do... You can try to ask questions and understand from other people's POV, but you are already biased to what types of answers you want to hear. And just like what I said this video, not only will this ruin the conversation and prevent the both of you from truly connected on that deeper similarity (Your convos are probably stuck on the surface difference, rather than the core similarities)... And just like with Tracey, any convos you start will be blindly ridden with Paradox of Logic, tetheredness, and subconscious poison that it's impossible for it to get anywhere. You will never find out just how similar, aligned and compatible you guys are, and worse, your failing approach will leave you stuck in a never-ending cycle of doubting your potential. You are not even close to the only one dealing with this - hell, I dealt with this. The process doesn't change - deeply understand and explore the merits of the other side. Once that happens, your convo will reveal so much about the core motivations from the both of you... And from there, the win-win solutions or next steps will be dead fucking obvious. I've seen this happen hundreds of times over in my line of work. But if you are AFRAID to explore other sides and unjam your scales, relationships will always be a stalemate, competition, and tug of war.

[@rens7997]

Okay thanks for your lightning fast reply. There's a lot to unpack here. Do I understand you correctly if: My jammed scale will make me incapable of asking the right questions to discover a deeper understanding of my partners main issue in the relationship/with me. And because of my jammed scale I will be blind because my questions/conversation will be geared towards steering her away from this surface level difference rather than digging deeper. And I would never ask the right questions to find the core reason for her mentioning the surface level difference (in my example: maybe a lack of intimacy, seduction, excitement, tension, novelty, ??? during sex or whatever else it could be). And once I find the root issue to this, finding a win-win will be much easier. So balancing scales is not about being a YES-MAN/SIMP and agreeing to with what's said at surface level. Balancing scales is about opening yourself up to this idea, so you're not immediately lost in turmoil, so that you can remain poised and ask the right question to discover your partners root problem which is probably something we can align on. So question should be more along the lines of - What draws you to the idea of involving others? - Okay so you want to involve others because of X and Y. Why are XY so important to you/ Why do you think or feel XY? - X and Y are important to you because of Z. Tell me more about this. - Core answer ABC. Find win-win for ABC. Am I on the right track in my understanding here or am I still blind?

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

@@rens7997 Yes, but even deeper - be very careful about the subtle ways you may be attached to your "agenda" (jammed scales) and allowing yourself to project or derail the conversation. Again, this happens very very subconsciously, and takes just ONE slip up in sometimes hundreds of hours long conversations to derail things.

[@PooferLlama]

@rens7997 Saboor here - If I'm not mistaken, aren't you a client in the program already? Last time I saw your work was back in March...and now it's August... And, from your activity, it doesn't seem like you've mastered the fundamentals of conquering your Victim Mindsets yet. So why purely ask questions here about more advanced concepts here when you haven't even mastered the basics? Shouldn't your priority be to ask questions on the basics first within our community, then master the basics, and then stew on questions related to the advanced concepts in the community as well? Put another way, if you haven't mastered Algebra 1 yet, then why not master that first BEFORE entertaining questions on Algebra 2? Won't Algebra 2 will make helluva lot of more sense AFTER you've dialed in your understanding about Algebra 1? Why not just get active in the community again, ask questions there, grow MASSIVELY with a classroom FULL of your peers, and join the ranks of becoming yet another success story? --- FYI, the KZbin videos, while awesome, cover maybe 1% of the complete depth that's in the program. Why drive a BMW for speed when you already have access to a Bugatti?

[@rens7997]

Yes Saboor, you're very attentitive. I am in the program and I'll be restarting. Homework will follow soon. I rushed the program at start, became overwhelmed due to all the principles/processes I didn't deeply understand due to WHAT HOW & WHY, failed to ask questions that cleared my confusions and fell off the wagon. I wasn't trying to be smart. I asked an honest question about a "doom scenario" that I think/hope will clear up a lot of confusion/criticisms for the other YT viewers, because I had the same misunderstanding as I rushed past this module with a hypo mind in the program. Time to get the Bugatti out of the garage.

[@ahmedshah5922]

I have an internal belief that I can be the happiest if I’m in a relationship with my ex . Which means there’s a mirrored scale too of me thinking that if it’s a relationship with someone other than my ex I won’t be happy or that happy . Conceptually I am aware how this can fuck me since I can never be truly bulletproof or untethered if I attach too much importance to the outcome of having this relationship. How do I rebalance this scale . How is it do you suggest I can show my self I can be very happy with someone else too as long as I learn the proper tools to build a relationship.

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

This is precisely the danger with learning on your own, un-supervised. I think you're taking this lesson out of context, or away from it's intended purpose. Your question seems to be more about untethering and your attempts to "chimpanzee" your tetheredness.

[@ahmedshah5922]

@@GeoffreySetiawan you are right Geoffrey and you calling me on it really helped cuz I thought about this a lot more now . Even tho I watched the previous video on untethering I did not realize that I was actually trying to go to the point of indifference and chimpanzeeing instead of staying in the middle place of want . Those damn blind spots 😪😞

[@gladlordkyle2599]

Ready to learn and ready to be awakened more!!🔥🔥

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

Awesome awesome! After you finish this video, let me know what "awakenings" you experience!

[@gladlordkyle2599]

@@GeoffreySetiawani understood being antithetic differently before seeing this video.. Sure it’s seeing the other person’s perspective but i didn’t really understand how deep it can get on how you can use it to unjam yourself from your old rigid ways. Very powerful concept and once applied your life will change forever. I’m grateful for you my guy! This made me tear up a bit.