This is why more men don't do therapy?

[@jakemason4801]

I starred going to couples therapy with my girlfriend in November of 2021 and I've been doing my own individual sessions for thr last 2 months. Needless to say that going to therapy has been a top 5 decision of my life and I wish I had started sooner. FWIW - My therapist is a female and she is WONDERFUL

[@ManTalks]

Outstanding. Glad you leaned in and are benefiting from it.

[@Jason-se1ke]

The thing is -- and I only realized this myself after going to therapy -- most men who are looking for help/support don't want a therapist, they want a coach.

[@ManTalks]

Why do you think that is? What’s the difference?

[@derpyeh9107]

@@ManTalks We want solutions. Talking about a problem doesn't solve it.

[@rdkirk3834]

@@derpyeh9107 That's the modern mode of therapy. Many therapists today are doing "support" therapy, which reinforces problems (""Not your fault, you deserve that problem") instead of reaching for healing and a solution. By definition, a coach is there to make you better.

[@Ninja_Tude]

​@@ManTalks Sorry for the TLDR zombie comment but HeathyGamerGG dug into this in a way I think is super helpful. 100% recommend 1) Men are more action oriented where women are more emotion oriented. This feeds into the gender bias in the default style of talk therapy. Men don't want support (as often), by default they want to "work the problem" and goes against how many clinicians are taught or portrayed. We think of talk therapy as I talk, ypu listen, you probe a bit without adding too much and I open up and discover the deeper cause of a feeling. Guys want collaboration or even direction (ie a coach) "well of course you're not sleeping the same, you're still eating xyz at 11pm like it's college and your body is reacting (random example from media, sry not sry) Another portion can be communication styles. Not just lacking the same emotional literacy and vocabulary, but also mannerisms. Look at how male friends often sh*t talk each other even when showing congratulations or approval. "OH, you finally grew a pair and popped the question huh?" This also feeds into the problem solving bit, but also the elephant in the room is Men often tend to externalize issues and feelings to process them. But this then leads to stigmas around explosiveness or behavioral disorders. Guys often convert emotions to rage, because rage is "useful," it's fuel. Or less extreme, the default of working at the gym. Exercise and the dopamine bump, it expends energy, and it has tangible, trackable results.

[@MichielK1000]

That’s why I’m going to a man coach for years now. He helps me with feelings, emotions, goals, purpose, being a great husband and father and being a true leader. I highly recommend this for every man out there. It makes you a better person for yourself, the ones you love and the world.

[@Xeranx]

I'd rather do something than just sit and talk. That and the APA letter regarding masculinity a disorder. Why talk to someone who's trained to regard me as bad from the beginning?

[@danielayers8259]

For me, the main reason I didn't go is because it costs so much money. I finally started going to therapy last year after making some financial sacrifices so I could go. It's been everything to just have that safe space and talk about myself and work through my own mind with a professional.

[@formenofcolor]

I think you're on the money. As a man of color, working with other Black and Brown men I would like to a highlight a few things you didn't cover. Firstly, the field of psychology and therapy was largely created by White men such as Carl Jung and Sigmund Freud. And many of the key researchers and academics are predominately White men. When it comes to actual therapists and counsellors, you're correct is saying they're predominately women. And to go a level deeper, they are mostly middle-aged White women. The last time I checked Black therapists make up less than 4% of the field. This doesn't provide enough resources for Black people in the US or Canada. One of the reasons Black men avoid therapy is because of therapeutic bias on the part of the therapist. Therapists could easily and unconsciously project their own thoughts, beliefs, emotions, attitudes on to the client impacting their ability to establish a connection. Middle-aged highly trained White women have little understanding of the life of a Black man, leaving him feeling unseen, invalidated and oppressed. So some men of color would prefer avoid this kind of embarrassment and harm all together.

[@colasfalon6470]

I don't have a problem with therapy in concept. The idea that one might have someone qualified to help them with life/psychological elements makes sense. Much like you find a teacher/guru/mentor/coach for other areas that you wish to progress in. But if I wanted to improve in some area, I wouldn't ever listen to or seek advice from someone who I regarded as extremely undeveloped or incompetent. And this is why I, as a man, do not go to therapy...the field is not comprised of people who are qualified to help me develop as a man. I've known a number of therapists/counselors/psychologists, and not a single one were someone I would respect as a person. I am highly skeptical and doubtful that any female therapist is capable of giving guidance to any man (regarding his mental/emotional/social development) that would actually help him towards mental health or self-actualization, and I have yet to see a male therapist that made me think "Yes...THAT is a man that has his shit together as a man and can help me towards becoming better." I suspect that the very men out there in the world who would actually be well suited for counseling and therapy...wouldn't gravitate towards the credentialed industry of clinical/counseling psychology. Of the 29% of psychologists who are men, I'd wager only a small fraction are actually developed MEN. (Or if this term resonates better for some of you..."alpha.") If the field suddenly became comprised of closer to 50% legitimate and respected MEN, then I suspect that other men would seek out guidance/therapy. And before anyone jumps down my throat, I do want to add that I am not speaking about the kind of therapy that is needed to address serious, pathological issues and abnormal psychological conditions.

[@colasfalon6470]

I should also add that I recognize that those who are seeking "experts" often aren't even remotely qualified to vet said "experts." Most men wouldn't know if or when a therapist was actually benefiting them in any real way. Much in the same way someone going to a personal trainer couldn't actually judge if a protocol was beneficial...although they might mistake the experience of hard work and perspiration as a indication of competence on the part of the trainer. And with no frame of reference they wouldn't know how their trainer compared to others. In the same way, a man going to therapy wouldn't really be able to determine if the therapy was efficacious; he might FEEL a certain way during/after therapy, but this wouldn't actually be the measuring tool for judging therapy.

[@jip230]

I am a woman and I agree with everything said in this video. He didn't even talk about how finding a therapist with availability can require an Act of God OR the expense associated with therapy. I am in therapy and decided to commit to the process for a year. I realize that I am spending $10K or more on the process, but I have reached a point in my life where I really want to commit to working through things and moving forward. Few people can set aside these funds for this purpose

[@jbshbsskskhbs6713]

Agreed, I think men are used to being blamed for their problems and then being given advice like "cry more" that any man would know off the top doesn't actually help, so you kinda figure those types of spaces aren't for you.

[@derpyeh9107]

For me, it's because I've had so many bad experiences with therapy and therapists. They often seem to have an overt ideological (leftist/progressive, feminist) bias, and they're all too eager to invalidate men's feelings and ways of expressing those feelings. As it's been said many times before, men in therapy are treated like dysfunctional women. There's also a problem with mutual respect and contempt. Simply put, I have a hard time listening to people I don't respect, and I don't really respect people if they have no practical survival skills or I know I could easily beat them in a fight. On the other hand, it seems like therapists have contempt for those who don't share their bourgeois values. Finally, I have guns and I live in a red flag law state. I might lose my rights if I share my most troubling thoughts with anyone.

[@LoveForCrypto]

Some men are simply scared of being sectioned...

[@melkerner]

Therapy is gynocentric in it's approach and goals. Plain and simple, most men do NOT receive assurance or satisfaction from discussing how they feel, how they should feel, how they could feel - Women communicate that way, not most men. In my experience, it always involves two repeating patterns as a result. 1. Every disclosure of feeling or unmet needs by men is met with dismissal, derision, invalidation and filed away to be used at a later date as a weapon against the man. 2. Everything is the man's fault - even if it isn't something directly he is doing, it's always his fault - NEVER the Woman, zero accountability except for men.

[@rdkirk3834]

It's the same old story: Women want a sympathetic ear, not a solution. So, with the female domination of psycho-therapy, that's where therapy has gone. It's gone to being a sympathetic ear...forever...rather than driving toward a solution. There have been therapists and particularly marriage counselors recently pointing out that when they begin to push women toward "fix yourself," the women drop their services.

[@barbfoster3978]

I love mantalks and try to share your vids with men I know. Interesting they often resist as though mantalks itself was therapy. In part, and I acknowledge this is my view as a woman in the uk so my interpretation may not fit with Canadian culture, but I fear you lose working class men. Yes, therapy probably does reflect the feminine and masculine working men probably resist it vehemently but also - they can't bloody afford it and they can't afford to take time of work to attend if they wanted to. Can I also please request that you give examples (in this and other videos). You mention therapy is geared to opening up, expressing feelings and revealing vulnerabilities, and this might not suit the masculine - I get that - but please tell me what would suit men therapeuticlly as it's crucial to address mens' psychological distress and offer the appropriate, affordable intervention. Thank you

[@matthewburrows2000]

I think a life coach IS better. Men tend to like to fix problems rather than “talk about them” . If you fix the problem then there is no reason to talk about and you can move on with your life . Simple . Just fix it. Why would wallow in it ?

[@drew8979]

Even Tony Soprano went to therapy

[@ZebraLemur]

Because it's worthless.

[@ethanbarclay6292]

Andrew tate is a better therapist than any of the ones ive EVER seen or heard

[@robvidaic3755]

There is zero value