This might have you walking on eggshells

[@siouxzanne7296]

My father always said, "Don't air our dirty laundry in public." I say, "Wash your freakin' clothes!"

[@candicesturtevant196]

I love this, so true. And love to you!

[@TheHolisticPsychologist]

Resonating with that response! Thanks for sharing.

[@bradiedean7466]

Oh that's such a good line! My family is very southern, so it's all about maintaining assurance and "keeping the peace" (which really just means "keeping the status quo" bc there's already no peace here). It baffles my mom that I refuse to pretend to like someone I don't or lie to protect someone else's opinion of another. I'm not going to go running my mouth or trying to stir up drama unprompted and I'm going to be civil and disconnected if I have to be around the problem person. But if someone asks why, I'm going to be honest. I don't owe them any more or less

[@funfam53879]

BOTH my parents are emotionally immature, but the Jekyll/Hyde was my Dad, I'd never knew how he'd come home from work either bashing holes through walls, arguing with my mother or be completely calm. This is why I'm a adult that constantly thinking people are out to get me, always looking over my shoulder, the struggle continues.....

[@TheHolisticPsychologist]

Thank you for your vulnerability and willingness to share.❤

[@michaelmich00]

u prob are avoidant due that, most avoidants got those toxic parents

[@maddi3582]

Reading old diaries, I described my life as permanently walking on a cliff's edge = always on edge!, being aware of the abyss on one side; always on guard, exactly as you point out. Not just from their inconsistent moods, but my folks 'compromised' my identity - labelling me as bossy, stroppy, and rude, whereas friends and work colleagues would describe me as lacking in confidence... For many years, I simply thought I was a 'bad' human being who'd made my folks' life difficult and let them down, ie I was the cause of their mood swings. I'm so glad for your work, Dr Nicole. I now have a chance to reset this. For me, at this point, it's about working through the grief for my lost 'parts', and learning to like and find contentment in myself 🙏

[@Rebekah-t4c]

My story is so similar to yours

[@TheHolisticPsychologist]

Thank you for sharing your awareness. Really appreciate your presence here in the community.❤

[@ImmortalAmbitions]

@maddi3582 I resonate with parts this for sure!!! Especially the being the "Cause of their moods" as well as the lack of confidence... definitely caused people pleaser tendencies.....

[@ImmortalAmbitions]

@maddi3582 also wish I could have journaled.... Maybe I wouldn't have forgotten/repressed as much as I have

[@underhiswings4479]

My mom loved telling everyone how me and my sister were rotten. She loved telling her version of every rotten thing we did, while we stood there and took the public shaming.😶

[@_Na_naan]

This is truly embarrassing, because people really have that perspective about you because it's your mom saying it

[@ArtSMRdianne]

This is why we as kids were always happy when we got visitors because then we got to see the happy and laughing mom that would not drill us around but instead ask to do this or that.

[@HNCS2006]

This is so true. I have never even articulated this in my life, but reading your comment I remember instantly all the times I was happy because my mum was being friendly and I got to play and have my own time.

[@ArtSMRdianne]

@HNCS2006 sending you much love and healing 🫶

[@lorrainew7529]

This is unbelievable. It's like you're describing my mum in every aspect. Thank you. This is so helpful and informative . I have to take your advice and stop blaming myself. I have to set boundaries. I have to learn to keep myself safe. I'm done monitoring. I'm exhausted trying to sort everything, and everyone except myself 💛🙏

[@TheHolisticPsychologist]

Thank you so much for your vulnerability and willingness to share your resonance with this video. ❤

[@annekary6190]

My dad did this ...told his therapist and everyone that he walked on eggshells around me! When i was 10. I find it all really weird now at 57. Love your work. ❤

[@nickg6529]

Thank you for this video. I was physically, emotionally, psychologically abused as a child and adult. I never visit my mom alone. Since I am not able to visit due to health reasons. I am bedridden so she will verbally abuse me and psychological try to coerce me financially now. I am so grateful to my wonderful friends who have shown me love. I am not responsible for my mom’s emotional matury. She refuses medication and therapy.

[@meldoskad2871]

I'm so sorry you went through that ❤

[@nickg6529]

@@meldoskad2871Thank you for your support. These videos are invaluable. I am learning so much about boundaries.

[@patriciapiper6294]

Hi Nick, she sounds wild as he'll. You should be very careful of your walls!! Keep building them❤

[@hellyeah_ellajane]

My mom could scream at us for hours over the dumbest shit. Then the phone would ring and her voice (despite being so cruel and vicious just seconds before) would turn all pleasant and happy when she’d answer and say “hello?”

[@IamAnson777]

that sounds exactly like my monster

[@LmB-hn2pu]

I used to call it her Proper Mother voice. The speed of the switch between vicious to friendly was mind boggling. Still working on healing. My Dad is very ill now, and I am spending long periods with them. I’m torn between wanting to be here for him, but having to leave for my own mental health. I stay until it’s too much, then go home for a few weeks to recover. I can’t overstate how difficult the relationship with her is. She flips to martyr if challenged on her behaviour.

[@ArtSMRdianne]

Oh my gosh that switch works like a light switch! I still remember us having a fight right before my best friend came over for homework! She was all raging like Tasmanian devil and when my friend came in.... the kindest voice told me my friend arrived. I yelled downstairs that she could say it in the same voice as she was talking before, no need for kind voices now 😂 (My friend's mom was just the same)

[@whiteseacrafts3342]

My Dad would do the same thing!! I remember him getting red in the face mad, while screaming that I'm incompetent, a burden, and destroying his life... when suddenly the phone rang, and he answered in a cheerful voice that he was doing well, and not up to much of anything. I felt sooooo crazy

[@KirstyE3]

Totally relatable!

[@EvrenAlyx-fk7rv]

My father would get upset, lash out, out of the blue. Then later he would make fun of my mother and I for stepping on eggshells around him. Being all like: “what?! *laughs hysterically* why are you so jumpy?!” It’s like the human version of saying something hurtful and then saying: “oh, why can’t you just take a joke.” (Which he also did)

[@nick_st.laurent04]

Being the parentified oldest child of a Jekyll & Hyde parent is absolute hell... i could never get help for my C-PTSD, generalized anxiety and depression because i wasnt allowed to "expose" my mother for her wrongdoings, even though she has always been a huge source of stress, anxiety, and trauma for me. I was never allowed go call her out on her wrongdoings because she always used the fact she was my mother and she fought for me, so, by default, she is perfect.

[@lidiakopilyas1471]

❤

[@onewiththeuniverse1283]

I understand how you feel and what you've been through. I experience the same situation. Whenever I try to speak about my father's wrongdoings, everyone will shut me up, saying he's my father, he can do no wrong and even if he did I must forgive him, that I should be grateful because he's my father. It makes me feel shamed and guilty like I'm the bad one, an ungrateful person. I even doubted that I was the one that was wrong, not him. I gradually became distant and kept my thoughts and feelings for myself, avoid sharing it with people.

[@rosemarycrabtree5892]

Refused to allow friends to come over for sleepovers . We can’t have them here.

[@AJ-fh1yu]

Same here. Definitely felt shame and confusion as a child due to that

[@TheHolisticPsychologist]

Thank you for sharing your experience.

[@onewiththeuniverse1283]

I don't even feel safe and comfortable in my home so having friends stay over would just make it worse for my nervous system to deal with.

[@ryannesumbry4130]

This was my mother 👩🏾 to the core she was one way at home 🏡 and she was another way in public Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde

[@TheHolisticPsychologist]

Appreciate you sharing your resonance with this one.

[@NaomiAva]

Thank you for the language to describe taboo family dynamics. ❤ It helps me organize my personal narrative, giving me insight and tools to heal.

[@TheHolisticPsychologist]

Grateful to support.❤

[@spacegirl226]

This describes my family perfectly, my mother more specifically. All she cared about was the image our dysfunctional family presented to the community that we were "good Christians." "Good Christians" wouldn't cause the harm my parents did to my brother and me. My old man was cowardly, neglectful, stern, and checked out. He still is now that I'm adult. My martyr was a fire breathing demon, screaming at every single thing and demanding someone else fix her. Nothing about that has changed either. But to everyone who saw us on Sunday, we sure looked holy. My parents were ALWAYS nicer to other people, but behind closed doors it was screaming and punishment, nonstop. I don't have empathy for them because they have none for me. I have understanding. I have myself, and that's all I need. When I can finally go no contact, that's it. Thank you, Nicole. I love these videos, but I also hate how perfectly they relate to me. I hate how they perfectly relate to other people, and that these dysfunctional family systems are so prevalent and churn out confused and broken children instead of well adjusted and functional ones. We deserved so much better. Internet hugs to all of you.

[@IamAnson777]

sounds just like my mother except I had a very good loving kind gentle father the only problem was he taught us that we were responsible for my mother's awful moods and always told us not to upset her... they were married at 21 so he really didn't know the crazy woman he married... my mother was a fire breathing demon 2 all she did was yell at us day in and day out I'm sorry you went through all this. at the end of her life she betrayed me the pain just never goes away

[@TheHolisticPsychologist]

Thank you for your willingness to share how you can relate to this video. Sending you tons of love ❤

[@candicesturtevant196]

I wrote a couple of stories in high school called '"No Escape" and "The Deceived." Enough said. Thank you for your continued work, always on point!

[@TheHolisticPsychologist]

Thank YOU for being here!

[@candicesturtevant196]

@@TheHolisticPsychologist ❤️❤️

[@sllygred]

It finally makes sense! I am an over-the-top planner... I don't do well with unexpected events... and now I can see it. My dad was an addict and completely unpredictable - but mom wasn't strong enough to protect us so we endured. I finally get it... 😢

[@irenahabe2855]

So we get abused twice. One is attacking and the other one was not protecting. It’s a betrail.

[@TheHolisticPsychologist]

Grateful this video has helped you. Thank you for sharing with me. ❤

[@cyberqueen9662]

My mother has always been a tyrant in our household, it always fazed me how people would tell me how great she is, and that I should be ecstatic to have a mother like her. And they ask if they can keep her, and I think, give it a month and she'll show her true colours. My dad always like to tell us to just do what she wants us to do, but literally everything I do is wrong for some reason or another, and I do it the way I think I won't get yelled at, and I still get yelled at, even when I'm trying to accommodate to her. I was recently diagnosed with C-PTSD and my mom was physically, psychologically, emotionally, and financially abused as a kid and she does the same thing to us except 0:01 for the physical abuse she was beat, whereas we get stuff thrown at us, and she likes to say we're not abused at all, but the Jekyll and Hyde fits my mom to a T. I never thought of her being summed up in a character, since I thought she was the only one like this. I'm glad to know there's other people out there like me who are traumatized from this experience, and I'm extremely sad that it's a thing and so many people have been greatly affected by this type of parent. My mom was also abused with therapists, my grandmother would tell them what the issue was and they'd convince my mom she was the problem, so now she refuses to go to therapy and get help, and my therapist has been helping me for almost 2 years now and she's taught me that I can call the police when things get too violent and extreme, and now that she knows I can stand up to her bullshit she gets more abusive to put me down, back to where I was but that's not possible with the support system I have

[@TheHolisticPsychologist]

Thank you for your immense vulnerability and willingness to share your resonance with this video. Sending you a lot of love.❤

[@MorticiaRS]

I met up with my best friend from high school (I’m 59) a couple of days ago, and she told me how lucky I was to have such a great mom. I told her that, to this day, I can’t get dressed without hearing “is that what you’re wearing?” And about the tossing of my room, while I was in the shower before school. She was shocked because “I had the best mom”. Only cared about what other people think. WOW-this one was much closer to the bone than I expected.

[@ScottMarshallscotbot]

I remember reading a children's book on jeckyll and hyde. I got a very unsettling intuition about the character as being my father. Little did I know my mother had her own version of this too.

[@craigmerkey8518]

Wow thank you! You hit soooo many nails on the head for me! I have spent a lot of time exploring parts and pieces of my life and examining the good bad and ugly. When the picture was complete for it boiled down to many of my family members being horribly insecure. Very sad for them and for me! At least I have increased skills about responding or pretty much ignoring the empathy free, constant exhausting juvenile validation seeking!

[@TheHolisticPsychologist]

Grateful this one resonated.❤

[@the.toxic.phoenix]

My nex was like this, I'd even call him Jekyll and Hyde and semi joke about it with him, but it wasn't funny. Yes, he was very different outside than he was at home, but also at home, we never knew who was going to come through the door - a miserable grumpy person or a bouncing off the walls person.... It was exhausting

[@A-m2w4q]

Thanks so much for sharing this and for all the work you put out!! It's truly a public service, you're doing your part to build a better world 🌎❤

[@Stephanie_2272]

My father was the perfect businessman and Rotarian. At home, he was a monster.

[@SM-sy5cd]

Mine too. Everyone thought we looked like the perfect family.

[@candicesturtevant196]

Smile in your pictures though!

[@irenahabe2855]

OMG, same here. He Rotharian, well respected, she a perfect smiling housewife. It was (is) all a mask. Picture postcard familly. 🤮

[@TheHolisticPsychologist]

Thank you for your vulnerability❤

[@michaelmich00]

u probably are anxious avoidant now or just avoidant.

[@patriciapiper6294]

Mother was this way. Exactly!!!

[@Serendipity_00718]

Mine too 🤨

[@KirstyE3]

Same!! This was my mom. Ugh! When her students would brag 'Your mom is so awesome! Aren't you proud?' Ummm, no.

[@TheHolisticPsychologist]

Thank you for sharing your resonance. Sending tons of love to you. ❤

[@patriciapiper6294]

@TheHolisticPsychologist I'm grateful for the way you present your info. I just always feel relief after.

[@destinyotto3201]

Y step dad got hands when I went through puberty. My mother did nothing till I ruined Xmas one year. The the next day³ she called she early and reminded me about having sheets for 6 more ppl. I said no, there weren't plans for my place for another person; my sister shot for the door. She was excited S they all seemed to be her friends.... My stepdad went to sott that all out and went to talk to my mom about my step dad's behavior. How it made me feel indignified, disrespected, and dirty. SHE LAUGHED ME OFF!!! My mother was ok being a passive party to my stepdad putting his hands on me, making lewd comments and jokes, and calling me crazy or mistaken cause it "never happened." I've since moved several states anyway and currently are happy here.

[@KirstyE3]

This was my mom. Ugh! When her students would brag 'Your mom is so awesome! Aren't you proud?' Ummm, no.

[@TheHolisticPsychologist]

Thank you for sharing your experience with me. ❤

[@Becca-k4h]

This was my mother!

[@A-m2w4q]

Same❤

[@alexlaroux777]

Thank you ❤ my mother was only half this as she would actually expose her own emotional immaturity to others. On one hand keeping the house and clothes super tidy and constantly yelling at me for any “mistake” - but on the other hand she herself would act completely inappropriately - shaming me in public, having public fights with people, being & driving drunk etc..

[@chaoticneutralmystic]

the worst thing is that now i've become this way but im aware of it and feel a lot of shame around it, i don't want to be this way, i don't want to be like her

[@TheHolisticPsychologist]

I hope you can give yourself some kindness and grace. You have the power of choice ❤

[@FATEHA1000]

Love this. The best psycholoog

[@ImmortalAmbitions]

I was really excited when I saw Jekyll & Hyde parenting.... But it's different than the version I experienced. Mine was less of a public parent VS private parent. Mine was more of a sometimes caring parent and then other times abusive.

[@HNCS2006]

She has other videos on this. I think it's named something inconsistent parenting

[@ImmortalAmbitions]

Thanks. ​@HNCS2006 All i have found so far, though, are shorts....

[@TheHolisticPsychologist]

Thank you so much for being willing to share your experience and resonance with this one.❤

[@game_4_growth]

My experience exactly! I'm sorry for what you had to live through.

[@ImmortalAmbitions]

@game_4_growth same for you

[@Cinqheureshuit]

It took me three days to have the courage to watch this video. Because I knew she was going to talk to me. From both my parents. Thank you for your videos. You have precious knowledge

[@Bluzephere]

I see this, my mother was so kind, friendly and loving outside our home, but inside she was a freaking monster.

[@cristalclark6577]

So we have the same Dad! All this time I thought I was an only child.

[@NicoleJanks]

💯 % what makes this especially hard is that I can’t out them, because 2 direct members in my family took their lives. I’m always scared someone will be next and if I tell my story and they take their lives, it’ll be my fault 💔

[@NicoleJanks]

I don’t want to be responsible for another parent or siblings death

[@irenahabe2855]

​@@NicoleJanks You are never responsible 4 adult ppls life. Their mistakes, ther emotional disregulation, their responsibility. You are not God. 🍀🤗

[@yinchimoon]

Thank you so much for all your wonderful videos - there is a woman who posts on youtube - the workout witch with free videos of some low key somatic exercises to release cortisol built up in the body. I think also I have realised that there are some behaviours like overthinking and keeping busy which have masked actually just noticing my body - dissociation from terror as a newborn infant. But the biggest things that have helped me is understanding what has happened and seeing how it plays out with me also having inherited this public personna behaviour because I believed they reacted this way with me because I was fundamentally bad. This video and others helps to dismantle that core feeling in myself but it does take time.

[@glendapeglau4694]

Both my parents. I saw the silent treatment as a gift ! Walking on Eggshells n never good enuf.. over 60 now I still feel like that child.. its aweful 😢

[@katerynaberidukhova2923]

My mother was this sort of parent when I was growing up. I remember how she was bragging about me to her friend on the phone; then I came in and asked her for something. She turned around and snapped, "What do you want, you idiot?". I just turned around and left. I only forgave her because she acknowledged that she was not a good parent and is now making a concerted effort to be better. My father was even worse than her and we don't really speak much at all.

[@Freeeleee]

It's not my parent but very Valid Info

[@cindyt3416]

Ugh this is frustrating to find out all of this. So much damage to undo.😢

[@DanielaRosenrot]

I wonder if Jekyll and Hyde parents have some form of personality disorder or if that behavior is purely created by attachment style and repeated "micro"traumas?

[@ArtSMRdianne]

..I just realized that this also made it very hard to believe for my friends how things were; when they came over, to believe how of a tasmanian devil my mom could be. Because I've heard from a few friends "your mom is so nice" It made people think I was making drama for attention. They never saw the other side. Except one friend he knew.. but his mom could jekyll and hyde when I was around too

[@kifi672]

Partly my mother, 100% my ex.

[@nadamijak9338]

thankyou🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

[@lalaleah4697]

Yep, it's dad.

[@PIF95]

Ugh, this is so hard for me. Both my Mom and Dad were like this. The worst part is I find myself acting like this with my own kids. I never learned emotional regulation and it’s impacting my children. It brings me to tears sometimes that I can’t be the Mom that my kids need. I’m trying so hard, but I’m such a failure most of the time.

[@neayme]

Why do Jekyll and Hyde parents not care about the image they have in their own families (spouse and/or children)? Why does their (spouse and/or children) opinion not matter to them unlike other people's opinions? Spouses and children are other people as well. Are Jekyll and Hyde parents capable of creating intimacy in their relations with their spouse and/or children? If so, how are they able to feel close to someone given their mental state?

[@Dobermanmomma]

Oh you know my wretched mother Deborah Urish and her husband is the same way John Urish? Behind closed doors they should be in jail what they did to their daughter, but to others they are the nicest people. ITs scary how good some people lie.

[@NSEasternShoreChemist]

Hello Nicole, are you ever planning to start an account on Bluesky? More and more people who used to be on Twitter, including myself, have moved over there, either mostly or entirely.

[@bradiedean7466]

Oh look it's my grandma! All her friends from church and the charity work she does think she's the greatest person, and that her kids are terrible for not wanting very much to do with her beyond what's necessary to have a relationship with their dad. They never seem to wonder why that is. They don't know that she was extremely emotionally abusive to her entire family, and occasionally even physically abusive. They don't know about the affairs she had or how she looked her teenager dead in the eye to tell them "i don't think I've ever felt genuine affection for anyone in my life" and then never addressed that again or about how she lies like breathing and intentionally pits her kids and grandkids against each other when things get too chummy before getting to anyone who will listen about how awful it is that they don't get along for hersake. Luckily all my cousins and i are adults now and have figured out what she's doing, so no one believes a word out of her mouth and we'll straight up tell her "why are you trying to make this a contest? I'm proud of my cousin and he's proud of me and we're not going to get jealous just bc you keep trying to make it a competition"

[@shivangibhotikadesigns]

Omg! The first trait is the entire middle class Indian Parent group! "Sharmaji ke bete ko dekho!"

[@marijagrujicic1370]

This is my narcisistic mom in a nutshell.

[@amandasmith7314]

In a kind of dark way I knew my partner was a part of the family when my dad started to yell at him like he yells at the rest of us

[@akshatan4520]

I was molestated by my dad. I struggled with it a lot. In adult age cultivated something which are wrong. Today in 30's i dnt know how to deal with speaking with men. I always feel sexually attracted and i feel like being with man who cares me a lot or who speaks politly. How to feel swlf sufficient and come out of this feeling.

[@Most0riginalUsername]

Growing up i used to say my mother had 2 sides

[@helennock]

This was my husband's mother and, unfortunately, he mirrors her manipulating with his emotions.

[@candicesturtevant196]

100%

[@jeffhiatt9168]

hi we all hope you all are doing well we share music and all just a bunch of ohio music lovers you all might enjoy nanci griffith singer red is the rose emily linge singer book and movie rebecca 1940 moody blues royal albert hall movie a touch of mink marine and guillaume in the mood video all the best

[@StephKinzer]

I didn't watch the whole video but wanted to see if you could discuss WHY these parents were behaving like this- in a way that's compassionate and loving. Maybe the parent was working multiple jobs, the had a mental disability, lost their only income, had grief and death...I think you bring up good points but it can make it easy to blame others and victimize self. Which is not empowering nor helpful. In all honesty. No child comes out unscathed..even if both parents are conscious.