This Update Is Long Overdue...

I’m not really sure where to begin. I know most of you would probably tell me not to apologize, but I am truly sorry for the lack of updates. I know we have a right to privacy, but I also know there are so many people out there worrying and rooting for us. We have built this community over the years based on honesty and transparency, and I feel like we’ve just ghosted all of you. At the same time, I never want to force “content” and I know I really just needed this time away.
There have been SO many times over the past few months that I started to make even just a small update on social media and got so overwhelmed at the thought that I just retreated back into my isolation. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I don’t really understand what is going on anymore. I’ve always been able to use writing as an outlet to express how I’m feeling, but I’m really struggling to find the words these days.
I don’t know what to say when people ask me how I’m doing. On paper, it looks like I should be doing great. We got the best possible outcome from my surgery, and although recovery has been slow, I’m getting better each day. But at the same time, I don’t feel like myself. I don’t know who I am anymore. I’m really struggling to figure it out. I’m still me, but I am forever changed by everything we’ve been through in the past year.
I’ve been very depressed and I’ve been shutting out a lot of the world - not responding to people and avoiding conversations as much as possible. To those of you who continue to reach out and keep me in your thoughts, thank you for being patient with me. Thank you for being there even when I’m not.
I feel like I’m constantly fighting a battle in my own head. I’m trying really hard to win, but sometimes it feels impossible. I feel so worn down both mentally and physically. It has been very difficult to accept that my body just isn’t the same as it used to be, and the unknown of what the future holds terrifies me.
I think going through this diagnosis and treatment is similar to what people go through when they grieve a loved one. At first, you are so busy taking care of all of the details that you can’t really process the emotional side and then when there’s a bit of a “break,” it really hits you. After constant months of doctors appointments, scans, bloodwork, surgeries, chemo, etc. now we are just playing the waiting game. Wait 3 months, get scans, pray everything looks good, wait another 3 months…
Brian, of course, is with me every step of the way, and I feel bad watching him try so desperately to help me. I’m also going through menopause and I can get very moody. God bless the patient, kind man that I married. 🙂
We will get back to regular videos at some point. We filmed this one back on May 2nd, which was the one year anniversary of when this whole nightmare began. The next day after we filmed, I had my 3 month scans, and then Brian and I were able to take some time away to ourselves. Since the video does kind of end on a cliffhanger and I don’t want you all to worry - spoiler alert - the scans went great. We’ll be back with an update on that very soon.
Until then - thank you for all of the continued prayers and good thoughts. You’ll never know how much it truly means to the both of us.
❤️ Jessica & Brian
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We are Brian & Jessica, a married couple who started on a life-changing whole food, plant-based weight loss journey back in June 2018. In June 2022, our lives were flipped upside-down when Jessica was diagnosed with Stage 3 (possibly 4) ovarian cancer. We continue to share our adventures (highs, lows, struggles & everything in between) in following a plant-based diet while keeping you up-to-date on Jessica's cancer treatment.
Follow along with our "Adventure":
WEBSITE - krocksinthekitc...
FACEBOOK - / krocksinthekitchen
INSTAGRAM - / krocksinthekitchen
PINTEREST - / krocksinthekitchen
TWITTER - / krockskitchen
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If you'd like to send us regular mail, you can use this address to send stuff to our PO Box:
Jessica & Brian Krock
1720 Market St # 771902
Saint Louis, MO 63177
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KZbin - bit.ly/BKrockYT
FACEBOOK - / briankrockmusic
INSTAGRAM - / briankrock
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NOTE: We are not doctors, dietitians or nutrition experts. The information provided is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice or treatment. Please consult with your doctor before changing your diet. (Read more at bit.ly/KrockDis...)

[@KrocksInTheKitchen]

I’m not really sure where to begin. I know most of you would probably tell me not to apologize, but I am truly sorry for the lack of updates. I know we have a right to privacy, but I also know there are so many people out there worrying and rooting for us. We have built this community over the years based on honesty and transparency, and I feel like we’ve just ghosted all of you. At the same time, I never want to force “content” and I know I really just needed this time away. There have been SO many times over the past few months that I started to make even just a small update on social media and got so overwhelmed at the thought that I just retreated back into my isolation. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I don’t really understand what is going on anymore. I’ve always been able to use writing as an outlet to express how I’m feeling, but I’m really struggling to find the words these days. I don’t know what to say when people ask me how I’m doing. On paper, it looks like I should be doing great. We got the best possible outcome from my surgery, and although recovery has been slow, I’m getting better each day. But at the same time, I don’t feel like myself. I don’t know who I am anymore. I’m really struggling to figure it out. I’m still me, but I am forever changed by everything we’ve been through in the past year. I’ve been very depressed and I’ve been shutting out a lot of the world - not responding to people and avoiding conversations as much as possible. To those of you who continue to reach out and keep me in your thoughts, thank you for being patient with me. Thank you for being there even when I’m not. I feel like I’m constantly fighting a battle in my own head. I’m trying really hard to win, but sometimes it feels impossible. I feel so worn down both mentally and physically. It has been very difficult to accept that my body just isn’t the same as it used to be, and the unknown of what the future holds terrifies me. I think going through this diagnosis and treatment is similar to what people go through when they grieve a loved one. At first, you are so busy taking care of all of the details that you can’t really process the emotional side and then when there’s a bit of a “break,” it really hits you. After constant months of doctors appointments, scans, bloodwork, surgeries, chemo, etc. now we are just playing the waiting game. Wait 3 months, get scans, pray everything looks good, wait another 3 months… Brian, of course, is with me every step of the way, and I feel bad watching him try so desperately to help me. I’m also going through menopause and I can get very moody. God bless the patient, kind man that I married. 🙂 We will get back to regular videos at some point. We filmed this one back on May 2nd, which was the one year anniversary of when this whole nightmare began. The next day after we filmed, I had my 3 month scans, and then Brian and I were able to take some time away to ourselves. Since the video does kind of end on a cliffhanger and I don’t want you all to worry - spoiler alert - the scans went great. We’ll be back with an update on that very soon. Until then - thank you for all of the continued prayers and good thoughts. You’ll never know how much it truly means to the both of us. ❤ Jessica & Brian

[@Abuelitahere]

We are here for you . Sending love and prayers ❤

[@nancycosgrove4005]

I’m so glad to see you both! I love your hair- it is so cute!!! And your skin looks amazing!!! Sending you the best vibes💕💕💕💕

[@Sherka55]

Jessica, first of all, I totally get the menopause but it’s really called mental pause. Lol, At least that’s what I call it. I went through menopause very early and I am still goofy at times you know what I realized is I made it I got through it and now it’s time to MoveOn with my life. You look really good as well as Brian does. Your hair is gorgeous wavy and it is coming back so good that means a lot. I am a hairdresser so look at your hair says that you were doing so much better because it looks healthy. I just have a quick suggestion I was involved in a car accident some moron, smashed my car and it’s totaled and I realize that I have issues and I need some trauma therapy. I think once you realize what you went through, you can live your life and just go on. Don’t expect the worst try not to think of doom and gloom. Thank G-d you’re alive! Your friend, love you💖💖💖 Sheri Slater

[@annln0101]

Hi Jessica and Brian, you are both such a blessing to each other. It’s very inspiring. 💖 I just want to remind you of something that may help you along the way in your healing. Your body WANTS to be healed. It’s just the nature of the human body. It looks for all ways to heal itself. Please remember, thoughts become things. There is no good or bad in nature. It’s neutral as far as creating. So whatever you are feeding it, you will experience. Anxiety is fear of the future, and that’s normal. However, living in the present moment takes a bit of that fear away. Sometimes all of it as that fear gets put into perspective and it disappears. You are so strong and so loved. That love can help to heal you as you take control back for yourself to help your body regain balance. I am a cancer survivor and I just want you to see whatever part you can control within your own health journey. I hope this makes sense because it is written with so much love and support for all you are going through. I’m not one to comment often but I pray this may be helpful to you. Your healing is imminent. God bless you and your family. 🦋🙏💖

[@sueflynn7199]

Good to see you guys! Be blessed and know you are loved!❤

[@MsArtistwannabe]

It’s called trauma. You have been through a lot of trauma. Healing takes time. Self care is critical. No need to apologize. Xo

[@therewillbecatswithgwenhwyfar]

THIS!^^^^^^ Please be sure you're getting regular therapy with a qualified trauma specialist The cancer center social worker should be able to help if you need it. ❤❤❤

[@739-Jen]

Perfectly said Michelle

[@francesgeorge1707]

It's been 2 years since my cancer surgery and I am just now starting to come around. Am trying to go for a walk every day. My body is trying to figure out were all its parts went. ☺☺

[@pokenurse1]

Well said. Love it

[@roseannebyrne7233]

Do not apologise. Cancer is a tough and emotionally exhausting journey. Worry about that and not what your KZbin followers want from you. We don’t own you. Go fight this thing with all your energy. It needs it. Love each other because that is your greatest strength.

[@lindaroy1765]

Very well said!

[@Silkytoaster]

100 % - well said

[@lucymarie7895]

Everyone needs a Brian in their lives. You have an amazing husband. 👏

[@carolinanadel6117]

❤💜💙

[@Autobahn4537]

Brian, you are a saint. Women can only dream of having a husband like you.

[@Frugal_fitchic]

She is so blessed to have him . My ex would scream at me just for having a cold or taking a day off work for being sick.

[@joyleslie2537]

I agree

[@BJ-v]

Very true . I’m 60 and still have hopes to find such a caring and supportive partner

[@jasminewatchmerise]

Menopause definitely messes with your mental health. And after everything you went through it's completely normal to feel how you are feeling.

[@womanofacertainage5892]

100%.

[@carlamorrison1950]

Besides the anxiety and depression,you also get all kinds of weird pains during menopause. Feet and legs hurt, can't get up from bending over....The list goes on and on .

[@marykelley5182]

Yes menopause makes one feel cra-Z! Brian you are a trooper and so loved by this audience. Jessica we are here give you!💜💙

[@alys4570]

Post surgical depression (especially when dealing with surgical menopause) is a real thing! I’m a retired nurse and I find it frustrating how little medical professionals talk about this issue. It’s hard to find info about it online and even some dr’s don’t acknowledge it’s an issue for many patients. Continue to take care of yourself and love yourself through this difficult transition. Menopause can be difficult but surgical menopause can be even harder. I experienced post surgical depression and started to feel better around the two month mark. It was great to finally feel my head lifting out of the clouds. I pray for you often and hope you will start to feel a little more “normal” soon. Sending gentle virtual hugs 🤗 to you both!

[@UnicornFart555]

My mom was 59 and in natural menopause already when she had a full hysterectomy...it leveled her. This answer was so compassionate. ❤

[@blucky1250]

💯 %. My sis has stage 4 OC and the mental,drain is scary and hard. I found myself avoiding asking her questions as I’m afraid of the answer. I feel like doctors treat the physical manifestation of the disease but don’t focus on the mind and the affect these treatments have on it. ❤

[@alttms2]

Menopause can be brutal, especially when you're dropped into it surgically. Add on top of that all the trauma from dealing with cancer, and the healing your body is doing. You have every right to not add on the stress of managing your channels. We all understand and support you!

[@jdakat88]

As an ovarian cancer survivor (2 years) I want to thank you for acknowledging the mental and emotional rollercoaster that cancer survivors are challenged with. We’re with you ❤

[@jennilopez1984]

I, too am an ovarian cancer survivor. It took me 5 years to feel somewhat normal. PTSD is a real thing and shouldn’t be minimized. I would hear things like “it’s all over now…just move on” from well intentioned but ignorant people. Hang in there!

[@lillylou1163]

I just left a comment explaining my medical journey and how it has effectively ruined my mental health and what a huge struggle it's been going through medical trauma. What we all have been through no matter how great the Dr's are is trauma. It profoundly changes your mental health in ways we could have never imagined. Then throw covid in on it and it's a mess. My medical journal started july 22, 2020 and still continues currently. We have have each other and for me it helps to talk with others who understand what we all have gone through and we all can understand and support each other. So glad you guys are cancer survivers! Congrats

[@judi7282]

🙏🙏🙏🙏

[@RestingBeachFace]

It’s too bad that doctors don’t prescribe counseling services as part of cancer treatment. I can’t imagine that depression is uncommon in cancer patients. We are just glad to hear you are continuing to improve. God bless you both!

[@mrscpc1918]

I think it’s called “licking your wounds”. No one will deny you the time you need, no matter how long it takes. Glad to see you.

[@An__-]

I imagine it's not just the trauma of cancer but also the drastic hormone change that comes from Sudden menopause. Even perimenopause wreaks Havoc with the emotions much less just suddenly being thrown into it full force. That must be like getting hit in the head with a hammer to your emotions. Add medical trauma and facing mortality and she'd really have to be inhuman to not be struggling.

[@butterfly4him168]

Brian, you are a gem of pureness and love to and for Jessica! Gma Loisin Mn.

[@glendacrouch1877]

Jessica, I think you are absolutely normal, actually you are great! You are doing you and this video proves you can when you feel like it. You are a beautiful, wonderful & blessed woman. You are in my prayers & I know prayers of many others. Your sweetheart of a husband is the wind beneath your wings! It shows in his eyes when he looks at you. You have been through so much in the last year, give yourself a break. Fear, anxiety and depression goes hand in hand in us all, much less that you have been dealing with large health issues. Lean on the Lord. Love & prayers from Oklahoma

[@christinemichael3291]

No one blames you both for stepping back and regrouping. All the changes. Financial, surgical, mental. It's alot. Praying for you both.

[@marywilliams7176]

Brian...you are a GEM! I have been living with constant treatment for ovarian cancer for over 10 years and have a darling husband like you! You make all the difference to cancer patients! Jessica..you look great...hang in there sweet girl! Hugs from Alaska!

[@dodteach]

You NEVER need to apologize or feel bad for not coming on here. We are all behind you no matter what.

[@greenqueen8323]

How can you not have PTSD after going through a life changing/ threatening event like you have had, and continuing to go through. Sending prayers your way. 💚

[@janetd7826]

I’ve had you both in my prayers! Never apologize…we get it!!

[@annetteq7910]

Can we just talk about how cute your hair is! Super cute! I hope in the future you will find beauty in your story. The way you share about this journey is raw and beautiful. The way you care for each other…. Praying for the absolute best news this week.

[@TeresaRaab-hb5co]

I like her hair, too.

[@paulaboynton8299]

Same.

[@sunnygal57]

Brian is such a sweetheart…what a great support system. Nothing like being surrounded by so much love! ❤

[@jenniferwarner4136]

PTSD is real. You're going through a lot. ❤❤

[@conniebaker1958]

Cancer journey isn’t easy. I walked with my mom my sister and my hubby through their cancer journeys. It’s a long and lengthy journey at worst. But God will help you each step you take. I love your strength and the two of you are doing wonderful together. One day at a time one step at a time. God has this and he’s carrying you. Much love ❤️

[@psrwhite]

Yes you are grieving. Once you have cancer your life is never the same! I am 17 years out from my diagnosis and I still have a mental battle. I am glad you are doing ok. I guess it is like anything in life: you have to live without fear. Just buckle your seat belt and drive, right? Just do all you can do and take it one day at a time. Sending hugs and love!!

[@leslieewing9088]

Reading the comments before mine, I see you have a large support group here. Those of us who are cancer survivors empathize with you in a special way because we have been there too. We have had our bodies and our lives changed. In no way does this minimize what you have gone through in your journey. We just don't want for you to feel bad. Thank you for the update. Many of us have been thinking about you and are wishing you to be well.

[@marciathompson1237]

I was very very worried about you. It was a year ago Friday May 12th that I had my surgery. I've done really great considering I was 73 years old. This whole process of recovering from the surgery chemo radiation and chemo neuropathy has been a real journey. I have nothing but empathy for you because I know how it feels. Never feel that you owe anyone but yourself and your mate anything. I know how hard it is mentally and physically. It's really hard to try to explain what you're going through to someone who has not been through it. I'm just praying that you're back on the mend mentally and physically and can have a really good time this summer. Your hair is looking really cute, it's a bit longer than mine. The parts that people don't tell you is that in the back of your mind, you are always going to remember to not to think at about it, because it can and will drag you down if you're not careful. I had breast cancer the year I was 36 so I discovered how self-destructive it can be to think about it. I had two small children one 4 and one 6 months old when that happened. Take really good care of yourself Please 🙏🕊️🌻🌼🌹☕👍❤️

[@leafinstein8820]

Post chemo depression is a very common side effect that NO ONE talks about! I feel you and have seen it before. Kudos for today’s vid update. 💗

[@sl4983]

Medical secrets channel also talks about the effects of anesthesia.

[@msdaphne]

I absolutely understand that feeling of not wanting to feel your own body. It's exhausting, mentally and emotionally to have your body always feeling something. A twinge, an ache, a prick, a tingle, stabbing. And you feel like you have to try to know what each one is and whether or not you need to worry about them.

[@baykittygirls9520]

You are both so genuine and caring, but stop worrying about your audience. You need to nurture yourselves. Your loyal friends and supporters will be here always. I cannot imagine the anxiety, stress and pain you both have experienced in the last year. You’re doing great and you’re an inspiration. Sending love and healing prayers. ❤️

[@wrennknits6048]

It's so hard to move from patient back to person... my sister just hid in the bed for awhile after surviving a stem cell transplant. She was scared of believing in moving forward lest the rug get pulled out again. Totally understandable. You do you boo...😘

[@louise8752]

You don't need to feel bad. You don't owe anyone an explanation. We know you're living life out there and this is just extra special time that you spend on KZbin. Of course we were just hoping you were both ok. Self-care is the key for you both now and always.

[@mrbqkc]

Its trauma, it sucks, and im sorry. I'm a breast cancer thriver, and yeah the "new normal" after treatment is so rough. I can't even imagine what its like for you being so public, and how intense your treatment was. Lots of hugs to you and Brian 🤗💗

[@marciajones2993]

Can’t believe it’s been a year. No need to apologise you 2 have a life. Sorry you’re having a hard time. Depression is hard. Sending lots of love and light to you both. ❤️💙✨✨

[@AF-gw4bt]

Jessica, I had major surgery in December after a traumatic injury. Physical recovery is no joke but the mental health component is for realz! You have uplifted me in my journey. Thank you for being authentic.

[@Suzismart]

When my kiddo had leukemia, he needed a moment to catch his breath and deal with what he had just been through. It was pretty traumatic. Give yourself grace and time. Praying for you guys. Was nice to see you but don't ever feel like you need to apologize for needing and taking time. Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter.

[@lillylou1163]

Take all the time you need. In 2020 I spent 4 months in icu 1 month in a coma, a heart transplant , on a vent/treach, had to learn to walk , talk , swallow etc. Also suffered brain hypixa (which is not but causes similar issues as a traumatic brain injury) the Jan 2021 I had to have a 2nd open heart (4 months after my transplant) to have a tricuspid value transplant. I have suffered extreme anxiety depression and have ptsd and trauma. It's been horrible and on top of all that I have to isolate and never catch covid because of the mrsa phenomenon I had ruined my lungs along with other issues covid cause so that has seriously added to my depression. Then 2 weeks ago I was diagnosed with early thyroid cancer! It's so frustrating and I'm sick of Dr appts and test!! I did take 2 months recently and canceled everything to just have a break and try to feel normal. I need desperately to have my eyes checked and my teeth cleaned (been 8 months) and between my 12 Dr's I just never seem to have time. I came out of the hospital dependent on opiates so I had to figure that all out and had to go into treatment to get on sublocade so I don't end up with an opiate addiction again. It's so tough and it leaves your mental state in pieces. It takes years of healing so you do whatever you guys need to do. I'm so glad you have a husband who stands by you. Mine of 9 yrs ran off and left me alone through everything and that's OK I've had my parents, grandparents (who both passed Jan and Feb this yr) both my sons and their wife's. I also became a grandma 7 1/2 weeks ago which has been the most wonderful experience. I wish you nothing but love, joy and peace. ❤❤❤

[@renefrentzen8670]

Just glad all is well with you two. The way that Brian looks at you Jessica and how he speaks of you is just so beautiful. Made me tear up. Pure love. Take all the time you need. I don’t think your audience will ever abandon you guys. You guys are awesome.

[@karencase8557]

How wonderful to have such a supportive husband!

[@miscelany2]

You started your channel to share about your food choices. That you've been sharing your health journey during this scary stage of your life has been brave and above and beyond what anyone should expect from you. Never feel guilty about taking any and all the time you need to do what is best for your lives.

[@danielbobberson9849]

I fully understand Jessica's comment about just wanting to NOT THINK about your body....still going thru that post cancer surgery after 2 years...give yourself time and hoping for perfect scans always. Thanks for the update.

[@lisatowan4536]

The 17th will mark 4 1/2 years that I have been battling my cancer. I can so relate to needing to isolate and the longer you isolate, the harder it seems to reach back out. Hang in there. One day at a time. Praying that you received positive CT results. Scanxiety is real! Aw, the, "I've got you!" really got me. I have an amazing oncologist and that is what he always says to me. I know how much that means. Brian, you are such an amazing husband and support system to Jessica. I'm glad she has you to lean on. Sending prayers and positive vibes. Loving the hair. It looks a lot like my hair did the first time I lost it and it grew back.

[@jayclyntracy5949]

So, so, sooooo happy to see the two of you. Apologies are certainly not necessary and the majority of your KZbin family get this. Jessica, your raw honesty and bravery are nothing short of amazing. Brian, your love and commitment to Jessica is endearing as well as wonderfully inspirational. I will continue to lift both of you in prayer. ❤

[@elainedawson1459]

You are both so strong and you do not have to apologise for anything and if by doing things together you can come through anything

[@laurawilliams5363]

I don't think you have to apologize. I am happy you to took a break. I thank you for doing an update as I thought about you often and I was wondering how you both are doing. Take the time any time you need to be away for posting. Positive energy to you both!

[@gma62nlove35]

We have missed you two and thought of you often. Good job Jessica, for getting back on. It’s your life, you do what you need to do, but just know we do care and are happy to see you two again.

[@SB-000]

I know your recovering from your treatments and illness,but you are adorable with your hair short like this. The slight curl in it looks so good on you. It frames your face so well and looks so good on you!

[@marykatekhoury7934]

My husband found out he had cancer a month into our marriage. He went through inpatient chemo for 3 months and ended up with a clean bill of health since then and that was mid 2015. If I could share any insight, it’s for you and Brian to do individual and/or couples counseling. It’s such a struggle and as you said you don’t feel all of the mental impacts until treatment subsides. You both are going through an extremely hard situation and a lot of hard feeling. My husband and I did not go to counseling right afterwards and I regret it because we have spent years both working together to still overcome the thought patterns we adopted during that time. I do want to share too that we are so resilient and capable of overcoming the worst of the worst. Lean on any and all resources you need. Just like you though back to the early hard parts of your journey that don’t seem as hard in comparison anymore, you will look back and think that you thought then that you were as improved mentally as you could be and then it will be even better.

[@klimtkahlo]

❤ wishing you all the best! My mom (and only parent left alive) was just diagnosed with colon cancer and I am trying to organize things to relocate next to her! 💔 Tough but we will beat this!

[@the_original_t]

There you are! How funny is it that I went hunting for you two today? I was like..wait-my T Timer has gone off. Where are they? Are they OK? What are they up to. And now I can see, you are absolutely on track, you really and truly are. You followed your gut and pulled back for a bit. Listening to your body is gold. I am so proud of both of you and so very thankful for your selflessness in keeping us updated. More power and happiness to you XOXO

[@mamakins5123]

No need to apologize. And kudos to both of you for taking the time to post this today. I totally understand how hard this video must have been when you’ve been away for awhile. Your followers are still here for you, still praying for you. On the outside you both look great. Take time to heal the inside, both physically and mentally. So happy that scans are good!!! You both are awesome!!!

[@BelleOfAmherst]

We appreciate you both as well. Thank you, Jessica and Brian. You are in my thoughts and prayers every day! Jess, you’re rocking the, “Pam-cut”! 💗💗💗🙏🏼😊✨

[@tinagirton7761]

No apology needed. You have been through a lot. Prayers to both of you!

[@dogmom1536]

So happy to see you guys and to hear the latest scan update went well! Please take time to find that peace mentally. ❤️

[@vikilittle526]

Thank you for the update. I want to let you know you don't OWE us anything. You are on our hearts and minds.

[@dianne5105]

Very interesting to see your groceries posted for 'new normal.' (a couple weeks ago.) Thanks, Krocks!! Best wishes. Always.

[@pattylyman7907]

One of the hardest parts of cancer is the total lack of control. Our literal lives are in the hands of others as we pray they save us. When they do, a recurrence is all we think of. Moments of normalcy in between scans but when we lay our heads on the pillow, there it is. You both are on my heart and in my prayers. I also have a husband that God put in my life for a reason. You got this. All the worry and stress do not change any outcome. Easier said then done, because I have been where you are and will be for the rest of my life. Live Love. Smell the flowers. Relish everyday. And let God handle all the bad.

[@elizabethgibbens]

Don’t ever feel bad or apologize for anything, I’ll always pray for you, Jessica. God is always watching over you.🕊🦋🕊

[@asou5334]

Jessica...As a breast cancer survivor, I will tell you what you are feeling is typical of a lot of cancer survivors. For me once treatment was over, I was anxious and scared. While in treatment, we are constantly watched closely by our medical teams but once treatment is completed, I personally felt as if my lifeline was severed. I felt like I was now on my own. While I knew this was untrue, it was very hard to become confident and trust my body again. After all, it had betrayed me. Feelings of recurrence consumed me. It took time but slowly those feelings started to subside. I realized I couldn't control what happens to me in the future so why would I stop living now. I belonged to a FB support group and it was comforting to know that so many felt exactly as I was feeling. Hang in there. Take it day by day and try to do something each day that brings you joy.

[@nancyellen8006]

Wise words of advice. Thanks for sharing your experience as a cancer survivor!

[@JaniceKonstantinidis]

Hello my friends. I have wondered how you are, but I don’t have expectations. You need time to recover! Kudos to you for getting this video out. I wish you didn’t think you need to apologize. I will be glad to see you when you feel you can talk to us. It’s been a nightmare beyond anything I can imagine. I am sending you so many positive thoughts for tomorrow. I love the love between you! I love your hair! It’s cute 🥰

[@Deb_BG]

The only thing any of us want from you two is for you to concentrate on getting better and stronger snd happier. ❤

[@petraanderson2037]

Thank you for the update! There is no need to apologize. We are all rooting for you!!!!

[@flowergirl52]

Oh my gosh, you guys don't have to apologize at all, this is YOUR TIME for healing, take your time and DON'T feel guilty at all...sending love and hugs!!

[@erzebetb]

your depression and the frozen feeling is absolutely appropriate. get some professional help to navigate thru this, so it doesn't last forever. both of you have done the right thing to pull back. your priorities are in order, i support that. no more apologies, please. focus on you and get better! we'll still be here. warm hugs, your hair is cute!

[@Panda_Kelli]

Hugs! It is so good to hear how you are doing! I fight sever depression and anxiety, so hearing about you makes me feel less alone. So thank you again for being so generous and sharing part of your heart ❤️💙💜!

[@BelleOfAmherst]

You are SO fortunate to have each other. 💞 It’s incredibly difficult to have no one. 💗🙏🏼✝️✨

[@tabasco555]

No apology needed. Charity begins at home, the saying goes. You both have been a blessing. Keep pushing.

[@daglobe]

“still alive” is very good. the challenges are understandable.

[@mnech2861]

The Body Keeps the Score - your body remembers the trauma, especially as it connects to anniversary dates, things you were doing (KZbin) places, and sensations. I hope you are talking to a therapist who is experienced with medical trauma. Mindful movement, breath practice, and love and support are key to your transformation through this. (My daughter had a similar journey, so I’ve seen it in action!) ❤

[@JY-nn7cu]

Hi! Please…no apologies necessary. 🤗 Take all the time you need. Don’t worry about posting videos. Enjoy your time together. Keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers.

[@susanjohnston4066]

We are grateful for this video. Thank you. ❤

[@naomi3kids1]

Never feel bad about taking care of yourselves. So glad you are okay. Still praying for you!

[@lillypad6689]

Medical menopause is so monumental, I remember when I was about to be discharged nobody had offered me any hormones or advice, I asked to see a specialist before discharge (thankful for my voice) as I knew it would be an issue and it’s been a few years now and I still have ups and downs. You don’t owe anybody an explanation, just look after yourself ❤

[@madcitywendy]

After everything you’ve been through in the last year, it made sense to me that you needed time to process, rest and recover. Sending prayers to you both.

[@WendyAtHome21]

You two are genuine and wholesome folks. Any of us following the channel know that you have been through a lot. I wish you the best.

[@WendyAtHome21]

PS: Don't apologize for taking care of yourself first and foremost.

[@virginiatozier9957]

Maggie on Lets Talk IBD said it took her a year to recover from one of her operations. And she didn't have to have the chemo like you did. Your body is getting better as fast as it can. You look lovely and your hair is so pixie cute. Sometimes we all need to shut out the noise and needs of other people and just breathe.

[@brooke1939]

I have been looking forward to an update, in your last video you were so worn out. I am glad that you took your time coming back

[@Bondobaby59]

So good to hear from you. I’m glad you took time off. Focus on yourself.💕

[@suzannemartin1876]

I have not been through cancer, but some other health events and mental health issues as well. Hormone decline was very difficult on me and I wasn’t thrown into it as suddenly as you. Take time for you and come back whenever you are ready. ❤

[@pokenurse1]

Needing that time off was actually more reassuring than folks acting like everything is ok all the time. I am a nurse and have seen it all. Cancer sucks. Isolating is ok for a while. Glad you are back.

[@shetlandsheep3081]

Having ovarian cancer and having the 3 monthly checks and now the 6 monthly ones, I totally totally empathise; when the physical treatment ends, the mental battle starts for us. How do we live with that regular sword hanging over us? Working that through is the hardest part - like dealing with grief, it isnt about getting over it, its about incorporating it, buti it is NOT easy, not ever. Never feel bad about gaps between videos. Never. Sending love xxx

[@ursularight]

Breast cancer survivor, the end of treatment was the worst for me as I felt I could cope so long as I was fighting (however awful the treatments you just want to be over...) but once I stopped having to fight, I felt I was letting it win. Cancer hasn't returned (10+ years) but I have never felt the same, my life prospects have never felt the same & I feel I'm still struggling to get back to how I was, even though I had the best outcome I could've had pretty much by the time I'd undergone all the treatments. (It didn't help that I developed an auto-immune disease which was misdiagnosed for too long as the after-effects of all the gruesome cancer treatments.) Hang in there, you look really great, I'm sending you lots of understanding, if it helps which it probably doesn't.... and virtual hugs...

[@dees3179]

Same! I felt I got fastforwarded fifty years.

[@ursularight]

@@dees3179 IKR? I hope it's getting better or easier for you...

[@trishmarck7798]

Sometimes the hardest thing can be allowing yourself to be free of the fear of living your like. Best wishes

[@barbaravoneitzen7729]

Happy to see you both. Keep letting us know how things are going. Sending love for you both.

[@masheltonjoe]

This is common in people who have/ or have had cancer. I’ve been in remission (NHL) for 8 years but any symptom I may have, it starts to run in my mind, what if?! The worry & anxiety come and go. In October my PET came back clean & my doc said go live your life & be happy.. I really did & then my pap came back abnormal & after a colposcopy last month their sending me to a Gynecologist Oncologist in Dallas. I’m like wth? I just can’t catch a break! I think cancer patients walk around always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I said all that to say.. you’re not alone & what you’re experiencing is pretty common but acknowledging it is huge. Thinking of you this week as you go for your scans & praying for clean results. I know every time my scans come back clean, I feel like I’ve hit the lottery! THE LOTTERY OF LIFE! ❤ Hugs

[@gretchenmenchen6914]

No apologies needed. You are both in our prayers , as always. ❤

[@donnagraves5815]

So proud you stepped away when needed

[@needbooks234]

So great for the update. Y’all have been on my mind lately. Prayers for your tests this week. Awesome getting to see y’all’s smiling faces again.

[@kimrusso9644]

I got to the point that I told myself that God had healed me and that I would not cancers define me. Its been 22 years now and I feel great and have had the best help from friends and co workers.

[@maureenholian1560]

Hi Jessica and Brian, you have and are in our continued thoughts and prayers! No need to apologize! I can relate as a cancer survivor, cancer does suck! Please take care and do what is best for YOU both! Sending hugs! Take care! ❤

[@Melinda_B62]

Take all of the time you need - you both have all of our love, understanding, support & patience. Life is full of hills & valleys - we just appreciate everything you’ve gifted us in the past. Looking forward to what the future brings - we’ll be here! ♥️♥️

[@virginiagrenier8572]

I know what you mean about just taking things for granted. I always took seeing, walking, and peeing for granted and then in 1996 I started having numbness. Was diagnosed with MS. Have had bouts of optic neuritis (where there is a blotch constantly in my vision that doesn't go away). Ended up with a cane, walker, and wheelchair because between weakness in my legs and balance issues I couldn't walk properly. I was on catheters several times because the message from my brain to my urination muscles wasn't working. I went on shots for over 12 years and have been in remission since 1997. Every once in a while I'll get a little twinge here or there which gives me a mini panic that it's possibly coming back but so far so good. I'm functioning very well.

[@pharrisph7]

Your hair looks great! And that length is perfect for you. We're praying for you. Have great fun on those bikes! ❤

[@HK4seven]

SO glad you're doing ok. I was just looking for updates this morning thinking about y'all. It's amazing how invested you can feel about strangers who happen to have a youtube channel on the internet. I hope all of your scans had stellar results.

[@lorna5562]

You have been through so much during this past year. It's very much okay to take time to recover some equilibrium. I predict you will "awaken" one day soon to find yourself ready to get back into a routine that you can trust again. In the meantime, keep trying. Don't give in to total isolation, stay strong, and you will be able to make videos again when you are ready. We aren't going anywhere! 💕 Sending love and prayers to both of you and your families 🙏

[@gailoherron759]

Menopause does cause those symptoms I have them going through it. We are with you!

[@veganmamafourgirls5370]

So glad to hear the update, and looking forward to hearing how the latest scans look. Sending hope and prayers for complete healing and recovery. Your hair looks really cute Jessica. I hope you are able to get back on those bikes soon! Sending hugs and love for both of you :)

[@hollyadkins4729]

I was so relieved to find this video. Love to both of you 🙏🏼❤️🌸

[@robz.3225]

First! You guys look great. Missed you!! Sorry about your life issues!! Best of luck on your scans!! Fingers crossed!!

[@Truth1561]

I've been through colon cancer and cervical 6 years later. What you are feeling I went through- I realised my 'normal' had changed. Once I accepted that I felt much better. I think some of it is also maybe survivor guilt and ptsd. I couldn't understand why I had survived whilst others didn't. You have to accept this is what the Lord planned for you ( if you are of faith) or that this is what fate had in store for you. Have you considered counselling? It helped me enormously.

[@soniashapiro4827]

I've been thinking of you, especially recently because of planting potatoes in the garden and wondering about an all potato diet if the potatoes produce a big crop. I'm glad you're keeping on keeping on. Good luck.

[@aboutdawntoday]

Don’t apologize! It’s good to see you!

[@love2cycle2]

Missed you two!

[@InnerPeaceBeauty]

I'm 6 months post treatment for 3c2 reoccurrence CC with mets, and the after is far worse than the during.. I can't quite articulate it, but I'm terrified of wasting what time I have left, that I'm overwhelmed and wasting my time.. I was so active on my Instagram account then with being overwhelmed it slipped, and now I'm overwhelmed with updating it.. I'm on my own in this journey, so it's hard.. Thank you for sharing your journey with us, it's so incredibly beautiful to normalise this.. Much love from New Zealand xx

[@tofutuesday]

I was just thinking about you guys. Thank you for the update. This video has over 2K views already and it was just posted a half hour ago 😮