Codependency and Complex Trauma - Part 7/10 - Attachment Issues

[@titaniumtiara4573]

OMG. You are truly doing God’s work. So many broken people / families over not understanding wtf is wrong...

[@jaimiejin7992]

At times I was anxiously chasing the other person, and at times I am avoidant of others' love and intimacy. Either way, I see myself closing myself off from love and happiness, which stems from this profound, sad and deep belief that I am unworthy.

[@lindaetherton5828]

I can relate with this one too. 😢

[@davidnorman2134]

This guys speaking out my path as a kid, everything, lying equalled survival and life

[@stevejarosz8136]

Similar stuff that you hear on other videos but actually a very profound interpretation of it. This is very very very good.

[@lindaetherton5828]

We were married in 1984 and had our first child a year later. We had 4 kids altogether. We were both born again in 1989 and in 1994 I began remembering the extreme abuse I experienced as a child. I am a SRA, SA, PA, VA and every other kind of abuse SURVIVOR! We have opposing attachments and our 40 years together are so textbook even though we have been separated several times and are now co-existing basically. I so appreciate these videos as I am determined to work on myself and heal myself and work on the relationships with my children.

[@Healing70x7]

"I'm afraid to talk to them, because if I did it wouldn't be about my stuff they'd be start talking about their stuff". My God, I did this to my husband for 15 years without realizing it. Tysm, Tim!!

[@Ratsfrom42]

this and walking on eggshells with my words :(

[@lindaetherton5828]

I’m getting so much insight into why my daughter has separated from our whole family. I am realizing how my dysfunction has affected each of my four children and am thankful for the opportunity to work towards healing with them.

[@AncientIntegrations]

For people with BPD that is accurate that everyone will leave, abandon, and abuse. It’s not just belief. They only meet with their toxic counterparts.

[@sharaepp8255]

I would like to think that as we get wiser we will meet different relationships.

[@w1cked001]

@@sharaepp8255hopefully yes realistically who knows

[@emeryfamily6898]

THANK YOU VERY VERY MUCH in name of Jesus for these videos--God heard my prayers and you are one of the messengers---this is speaking to me. Really appreciate, God bless. ONLY STILL HERE BECAUSE OF THE GRACE AND LOVE OF GOD You are helping me to break the dark cycles and be a true loving parent for my sons. Really like how you explain, present the info and healing.

[@CMoore8539]

EMERY FAMILY ❤️🙏

[@f.e.partida2750]

I didn't even think about that, I was praying to Jesus for help with my current death/rebirth process and I found Tim's video and have been binging them for 2 days. Hallelujah.

[@Johanna-bee]

More severe complex trauma, I have BPD and I am a scapegoated parentified child of a sociopathic narcissist. I was tortured, neglected and abused by a monster, I have seen things and had things done to me that no human should ever have to endure and the most striking thing is No one did anything, I watched them turn a blind eye to horrific crimes being committed against me as a baby toddler and child and did nothing. Your silence was deafening.

[@jessk2759]

You are more than these experiences. ❤ praying for your healing

[@kaystephens2672]

Isn't it just amazing all those horrific experiences we survived. And to me, your ability to talk about your past can't be underestimated. I was raised in a family that created a mentally challenged child to be eventually diagnosed with bpd and schizophrenia. The real cause of it was an adopted mother who was not educated enough to meet his needs. I look back on my life with shock at the level of abuse that really happened. To me and to him. From financial to severe denial of responsibility. Our father passed of a heart attack at 39. A shitty family of elders of 2 alcoholics is all there was. I had an army of denying people against me eventually. These people have no conscious and they breed like rabbits. We are true warriors against mentally distorted people who think they are so smart. Their only power is in their numbers. But I'm the wiser for seeing why I was traumatized, confused. They tried to replace me with their version of me and I caught them. Who knows the real reason for my mother's hatred of us. But I kniw what that feeling really is now. Its not love at all. Its evil masquerading as this precious, sacred gift. You owe them nothing. Especially your sanity.

[@mknels1299]

❤​@@kaystephens2672

[@mknels1299]

​❤@@sasakorosec7213

[@mknels1299]

😂​

[@CMoore8539]

Thank you for sharing this video, Pastor Tim!!! These videos are helping me tremendously. Blessings to you your family and Everyone there!💞🕊

[@yourenough3]

So validating. Thank you!

[@Ali76564]

Im so thankful to God for all his mentors who have helped me

[@MemeJustme-t8y]

The court needs to hear this!!

[@c.jackson3389]

I myself take notes and see these as classes. It explains my childhood to me and it helps me ease my mind that I'm not different. Healing is alot of work.

[@sb2017.]

I have been watching these for weeks now. I am so messed up. It hurts how screwed I am.

[@frizzyrascal1493]

I‘ve been on these for 4 months now. It will get better.

[@adrianareyes9286]

I was just thinking the same thing . I don't know how im going to get well. My marriage is so codependent because of me I feel like a sabotage everything with my neediness. It does hurt so bad. Praying of you as well.

[@Promoting_Masculinity]

I feel the same...

[@jaimiejin7992]

There was an episode earlier with my boyfriend - he triggered me, and I got so defensive that I just retreated to my corner and I refused to communicate with him. I was so afraid that I would lose my freedom, my happiness the way I never had any freedom or happiness in my early years. I lost my shit.

[@Faendal91]

Wow. The attachment styles really make sense to what my last relationship was. I was always trying to connect and was very sensitive to changes in mood due to my past (PTSD etc), and he was always taking my acts of affection as attempts to control him and would resent me while holding me at arms length.

[@delicateweapon4041]

Thanks

[@hazelchapman4704]

Thank you. I lost my father at 2 days old and I lost my mother at 3 years old plus all my siblings

[@Patricia-jb8bc]

Thank u so much Tim. God bless you.

[@iw9338]

Great teaching Tim, thank you very much. Blessings to you and your family.

[@HappyHolyHealthyLife]

I love these videos so much!

[@mauricasalino]

Really informative

[@mknels1299]

I am so codependent that as a teen I counseled my parents and dated a guy to keep my mom from raging on me as he listened tohermiseryand bitterness alot

[@euginiaburress4981]

Just! Thank you!

[@songcirclecopyhouse2640]

Thank you so much!

[@onyinyemolokwu]

Thanks!

[@jaimiejin7992]

I see that this video is not members only, and I assume it’s because it’s really important? I can totally see myself being both the distancer and the pursuer. When you don’t have healthy attachment, the only thing you know is how to be unhealthy. I am thinking my current relationship, and with the limited information I have of him and the awareness of myself, I am wondering what we are. It’s so true that when you don’t get attached to a person, then you get attached to substances.

[@edumorphology]

For me the divine 😮intervention is most clear from fermentation

[@MennoMorphosis]

So clear about explaining attachment theory. Love listening to Fletcher explain in laymen’s terms. And yet the need to see god showing himself as the strongest man in the world analogy through monsoons is bonkers. Why do men want to put their beliefs onto nature? Why not marvel at the science and mystery of it all?

[@jeangraham5351]

Hi. Thanks I am a member who would like to introduce to others. I CANNKT DO THAT if I can't get to specific url of individual videos. in the titles of EACH and EVERY.video is cut off. All we can see is "Part" not the number ie. 4/10. Most people NEED to start at the beginning. We can't see those numbers on KZbin. Please, Place a new line for each video "Part x/x " on your playlists names. Thx! These are so good. So many need.

[@Ali76564]

People will change if they change with God

[@Ratsfrom42]

As someone who accidentally found themselves in an anxious avoidant relationship (I’m the avoidant) I desperately did not want to fall into that pit and realized how toxic it’s been after actually getting to know them. My partner played off the first few months very coolly (we are semi long distance) and people pleased to mirror me which made me think they had qualities I really admired… 2 months later I realized they don’t. I’ve really been trying to not be avoidant but as my trust issues are getting triggered by their behavior I’m struggling 8 months into it.

[@Abena1709]

I have no specific suggestions except to recommend this KZbin channel to you: Crappy Childhood Fairy. Perhaps you may find some answers there.

[@NarrelleChain]

True, i was always aware of it, i wasn't good enough, so i never was able to have a healthy relationship and in the end no relationship at all, i am a loner now!🎉

[@Ali76564]

Awesome

[@bethmeadows3302]

Just WOW!! 🤯 😮

[@Crazydoglady.]

This is spot on,but who can really change there personality without health insurance & years of therapy? As a 50 year old woman, the damage is done.

[@jndevries2]

The answer is grieving your losses. Maybe you have, but that is 1/2 the battle. Stuff gets pinned up inside us, and journaling, (prayers to God) as you journal, getting it out and on paper is very liberating. Now, Google: counselors/therapists for low income people, sometimes it can be very low, no reason not to go. If you think you're too old, that's the enemy. Once you start feeling free, you won't care how old you are. Find good books on Amazon write them down, now go see if your local library has them or something similar. You will get more and more creative, because God will help you. "In my time of trouble, God rescued me." Never, ever, ever give up!! For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans of good and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11. May you feel His strength and love as He guides you. Just ask Him to. PS. 32:8. I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go, I will guide you with my eye upon you. ;) Don't be as a horse or mule, that must have a bit and bridle.

[@titaniumtiara4573]

No. Not the brain is not immutable. It is constantly changing via input / stimuli. We have to *reprogram ourselves by actually reparenting ourselves. Changing our input, the things we tell ourselves etc. And dammit, I’m almost 50 too. Had my heart broken after 22 years of marriage and 5 kids. I refuse to think there’s nothing that can be done / no hope for the future.

[@allisontork]

Have a look at a few books. When the Body Says No, by Gabor Mate. He also wrote "In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts." He is a resource of Jim Fletchers. There is also the Crappy Childhood Fairy on you tube. As well as all the works by Bessel Van Der Koff- re Trauma education. The Smart Couple pod cast by Jason Gaddis, you tube.

[@euginiaburress4981]

I’m 61 and I know where your coming from, but I have to figure out how to be healthy.. not a option for me to give up. Even though it’s hard as hell

[@jessk2759]

The answer is Jesus. Finding your identity in HIM changes everything.

[@Veteran61]

I can relate.

[@Maruzzela-l1u]

I m that person who will focus on the last month and not the headache....every single day with another headache😅

[@kanoraidon8238]

Your comment made me smile. Thank you. ❤ Lovely to know people like you exist.

[@Jes1FromFL]

"connect" = "relate"

[@joebauer3794]

Its def crazy to realize just how crazy i am

[@aciddiver1978]

I have tried getting help. But its like my brain is shut down for healing. I am not in touch with any positive thoughts or feelings. Actually its so stubborn, i believe its a demon plaguing me.

[@Ali76564]

What if.rhe parent lives with a person that hurt us as their partner

[@amberscottcmt7400]

Where are the safe people we can connect with in a healthy way? I was told I could find them in NA, but that was NOT true. I thought they would be safe to be vulnerable with and all they did was use what I shared against me. I've been trying to find the community that is safe to heal in since 2018, but I keep getting rejected and it hurts more in recovery when even those who know your pain don't care if they injure you further.

[@beverlyallison4768]

Alanon is safe

[@Maruzzela-l1u]

Thats why i didnt go.the first day i was persuaded to go i met a guy who said he ll take care of me bciz some of the guys there hit on girls eventhough thats forbiden i guess .he also told me he practiced kamasutra so i dunno if he actually was one of those guys . Anyway the reason why i wouldnt go anyways is bcoz i dont think someone telling his story is a specialist of any kind. Call it a club of friends with same interests but not a healing center .the healing modalities available for adictions have less training than the butcher

[@Callitout-kl1uq]

This guy keeps missing the mark! He says that if a child sees a parent not react, then they will learn to regulate their emotions like their parents do. But that’s just wrong. If a child has feelings and the parents don’t respond but just act like the child shouldn’t feel like they do, the child becomes at first desperate to be heard. It’s like the child knows the house is on fire but no one believes them or worse, tells them the house isn’t in fire. And the child has to learn to take that feeling, that their house is on fire, and shove it way down. Push it down deep and ignore all the sirens blaring inside them. That is trauma. Parents who pretend like their child’s emotions are not there.

[@HeavyUser]

OMG, he's Bradshaw on steroids!!!❤

[@reine4316]

Bro what

[@goldmidwest]

I have a legitimate open ended question that could be answered by FindingFreedomMedia *OR* anyone who is familiar with this. I'm trying to wrap my head around "what" this channel / this person / this lecture/sermon is. With no disrespect at all, this man uploads hour to three hour long lectures literally EVERY DAY - with a lot of the content being very similar (although altogether very helpful on the whole). Can someone shine some light on what I'm watching and if it's valuable to keep watching more videos?

[@TimFletcher]

Finding Freedom is an organization based in Winnipeg. It was established 12 years ago. Tim is the founder and president. It offers a Friday evening support group that involves teaching related to addiction and Complex Trauma. This is broadcast live on the KZbin channel. It is later edited and uploaded to KZbin. RE:ACT (Recovery Education for Addiction and Complex Trauma) is the treatment centre that was established 3 years ago. It is based on the research that over 90% of addicts have Complex Trauma. The addiction was originally seen as the perfect solution to their trauma. Tim’s passion is to help people understand the ramifications of Complex Trauma and to teach them the tools to heal and develop healthy tools for life. If you would like more information, you can check out the website, findingfreedom.ca

[@Maruzzela-l1u]

​@@TimFletcher and again thank you so much.The insight Tim has on complex trauma is incredible i d never b able to figure it out by myself eventhough i versus done constant introspection and uite a bit of spiritual work

[@monapardeshi8833]

Bro changed psychology lessons class to church lessons

[@Relayzy1]

Kinda wish he diverted between male and female because some stuff he says is just normal women behavior.

[@gulliver7419]

What about the 10 000 people who die in earthquakes each year?

[@emchammer1815]

Where is this knowledge in schools? Seems parenting should be at the core of a public education. People are being raised incorrectly or without the fundamentals of relationships. Maybe it should be offered especially to children in single parent households.

[@fruitypebbles803]

Tibet is not China.

[@Maruzzela-l1u]

What do you mean?i needed visa from china to go to Tibet

[@Abena1709]

It is actually. It's been taken over by China.

[@honestreviewer3050]

Great useful and meaningful information. Until he started talking about God. I'm out.

[@samhay4937]

What do you do though if you use to have your kids who you thought you were close too 🥲 Then as a teenager when I tried to have boundaries so they just went to Dad and treated me very badly. I don’t understand

[@Faendal91]

Wow. The attachment styles really make sense to what my last relationship was. I was always trying to connect and was very sensitive to changes in mood due to my past (PTSD etc), and he was always taking my acts of affection as attempts to control him and would resent me while holding me at arms length.