Tips for Divorced Dads: What Every Divorced Dad Should Know!

This video is the first that focuses on my journey as a recently Divorced Dad and all the adventures that it entails. I hope that my channel can be of some help, support, and/or guidance. Stay well! Please feel free to leave your comments, suggestions, or cries of outrage. Thanks for watching and please subscribe!

[@paulpsycho78]

13 years into it , but still nice to hear just kind words. I'm not perfect but so many of the other separated dads you encounter are so terrible. So don't get to down on yourself is my advice

[@wesley42079]

I stumbled onto this video and I really like the tips you provide. I can relate. You just earned a new subscriber.

[@WhiteBeardAnt]

Thanks for the sub!

[@RetiredandLivingthedream]

It’s difficult although our divorce was difficult I accepted the outcome started with a new life. Was in a relationship a year later and 6 months into that new relationship introduced my kids to my new girlfriend my kids had a great time. THEN IT HAPPENED my kids told my ex they have met my new girlfriend and they had a great time. The next weekend I was not allowed to see my kids, it took 9 months through the Courts to be able to see my kids again, like your WISE words keep up to date with the kids school work my ex never told me school meetings. Long story short my wife poisoned my kids against me, I tried for 12 years to turn a blind eye against it. I never said anything bad against my ex wife. My kids have never give me the chance to defend myself, many people said give it time, my kids are now 27 & 25 and despise the ground I walk on. Still very bitter against me. Your words here are great but your view and your ex might be different. The gifts advice is great, I did do that felt I needed to give more to compensate not being there full time. Life goes on life does get better.

[@WhiteBeardAnt]

Thanks for sharing. I realize I am very lucky and that unfortunately many men experience what you have. You're correct, life does go on. Very best to you!

[@tzivalic1]

GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. MAY HE GUIDE AND PROTECT YOU ALL.

[@KainKustomGarage]

Thanks man!

[@mattb3283]

Yep..no trash talking. And if one of your kids holds a grudge...be patient the kids need time.

[@carlosrios8920]

Great video man! I just subscribed to your unique channel. Best 2022!

[@WhiteBeardAnt]

Thanks and Welcome!

[@alterego9618]

Thank you!

[@ChrisBanda]

Great tips!

[@michaeldillard6595]

Great video and advice

[@WhiteBeardAnt]

Glad you think so!

[@Knojeal]

You seem like a good dude. How did you get only every other weekend. I’m in a similar boat in the middle of a divorce. I used to homeschool the kids for about a year and a half just prior to the separation. I am afraid that I will get the bare minimum physical custody time.

[@WhiteBeardAnt]

Hey John, thanks for watching! Unfortunately if you are in the US, chances are that unless the mom is a total crackhead, no judge will award the Dad full custody. That's just the ugly truth. The logistics around who gets them and how often you get them is dependent on a bunch of things. The kids need a primary residence for school, insurance, child support, etc. Also depends on how amicable the divorce is. It can absolutely get nasty and she might want everything. Prepare for the worst, and hope for the best. Here is how I approached it and I will let you know I see my kids way more than every two weeks. When I was getting divorced I realized I did not want to disrupt the kids lives as much as possible. My kids were young, 9 and 7 at the time. I did not want them to move, I wanted them to stay in their schools, close to their friends and family. I knew I wasn't going to live in the same town, so I moved a couple towns over, close enough. Part of the divorce agreement will cover who gets the kids when, down to the Holidays, and it should. This is to protect you to ensure you get to see your children at all if things go badly. Depending on your circumstances, you can agree to split them 50% of the time, or a mixture of whatever works. The idea is to come to some sort of agreement with your ex. That's the first step. Initially we agreed to every other weekend, plus one night during the week they would stay over my house. We alternate Holidays each year. How do I get to see them more? In the beginning we followed the schedule to the letter. No drama with the pick ups or drop offs. Keep it all cool. Whenever she needed me to keep them an extra day or watch them for a night, I always said yes. Still do. Make sure they are comfortable at your place as well. Should feel like a second home. Slowly but surely, my kids would want to stay an extra day here and there, mom was ok with it because it gave her a break. Now my son doesn't even want to go home half the time and stays with me for a week at a time. My daughter is at the age where she wants to hang with her friends and that's ok too. At the end of the day, I am pretty grateful for the relationship I have with my kids. Plus once they get a phone, you're talking to them all day anyway. Just take every opportunity to spend time with them. Show them you want to be with them. Go to all their games and plays. You will always be their dad. No divorce can take that away from you. Stay well, good luck!

[@kthaokip8896]

i have 4 children living in rented house with them. eldest daughter is 8 years old. youngest son is only 2 years m so confused to what should I do. m totally messed up. cos of her dept i sold out even my house.. n now she left us.. want more your advice sir.

[@WhiteBeardAnt]

Hey Kt. Sorry to hear that you're in a rough situation. To be honest, you have a hard road ahead of you. I'm no expert, but if I were to offer any advice is to get the priorities straight. First and foremost the children need their dad. In whatever capacity you are capable of. Unfortunately you will have to be both their mom and dad for a bit. That's ok too. People do it all the time. Just do the best you can. They will still love you for it. Secondly make sure you doing what you can to provide. These are all the basic human needs, to be loved, food, clothing, shelter. Once those things are taken care of, you focus on yourself and the things you need to do to become better. Surround yourself with good people. It's ok to struggle, all part of the human experience. You can get through it my friend. This will take time and it not an easy road, but I can assure you that as long as you put in the effort, things will get better. Stay well!

[@BobBob-uv9fq]

I’m single ,but I will just assume everything goes to my wife when we split,I don’t have a gf either/ I accept that to save any resentment,there was a period when I hated the gf /wife who I have not met yet ,but I’m over it

[@beatnik1855]

i have a pending divorce i have so far chosen to endure not moving out and living in civil manner as my wife cheats on me so i can see my kids every day. been like this for 5 years, relationship end for her 10y ago. so scared of divorce and being alone and never seeing kids (they are boths 2 over 18)

[@WhiteBeardAnt]

As some point consider the plan for Conrad. Sounds like you've raised your kids. They know who you are by 18. Go live your life, let them see a better version of yourself.

[@beatnik1855]

@@WhiteBeardAnt cant imagine not seeing my kids every day even if its for minutes and can imagine leaving my wife who i still love despite the fact that she is very likely with another man at this very moment. This must be what its like to be crazy. You know your messed up yet powerless to change.

[@WhiteBeardAnt]

@@beatnik1855 whatever you feel you need to do, but please realize you are choosing the hurt to see your kids for a few minutes. You're never powerless to change, you're powerless over this situation. When you're ready, you will be able to overcome this. Stay well my friend.

[@KevinSmith-df5fz]

@conrad similar boat. Should I stay or go? Sad to stay with partner who shows no love. Sad to leave as will miss kids

[@jjmorris1890]

I stayed in the same house for a year after my kids’ mom told me she wanted a divorce. Many reasons: forlorn hope, unwilling to not live with tween kids, pandemic. In retrospect, it was a mistake. The kids did not see me or their mom behaving well. Mom was angry all the time. I was an anxious and depressed basket case. Postponing the inevitable served no one. Keep on keeping on, my friend. And keep showing up for your kids.

[@georgesontag2192]

What are the documented rights for divorced men? I could never find any. The person with custody has 100 % of the rights.

[@WhiteBeardAnt]

Unfortunately, men have little chance of becoming the primary care-giver of their own children in most states and countries, unless mom is dead or completely incompetent. That's why it is super important you consult a lawyer and explicitly have a shared custody agreement. It should lay out when you see your kids, where, who pays for medical as much as possible. It may seem like a bit of overkill, but what you think you worked out with a handshake with the ex, can go sour on you. It's for your protection as well. Get it in writing! For example, although my ex is the primary care giver, we do have an item in the divorce that discusses sharing major decisions like moving or college. Anything that impacts the kids outside normal child support. Hope that helps! Thanks for watching. I'm preparing a video about this very topic.

[@kenperry6379]

And what if the guy is a filthy bully to his wife and kids plus his pet dogs?

[@RetiredandLivingthedream]

@@bobvincent2251 Hi. Richard, wow you went all in to find out what you thought was going on first of all I’d say well done BUT as the trust has gone it will never return no matter what happens in the future you will always be doubtful you will be looking for any change in her behaviour. For me that is the wrong way to look at a relationship. Trust for me is 100% if I did not have that I’d walk away. It goes both ways. I have a friend who does not trust his gf he tracks her on her phone check her messages for me that’s no way to live with someone. I have been there with not trusting the girl I was with and I found by accident she was attracted to someone else. I walked away. You have kids which makes it more difficult but you at least want to know why she strayed.. There is no right or wrong answers but read the advice given make an informed decision and do what you think is right.

[@WhiteBeardAnt]

Yeah, that sucks @Richmond Danso. I am sorry to hear that. Trust is a hard thing to get back, especially under those circumstances. Most would have a tough time coming back from that and would be justifiable in filing for divorce. If it was me, that is a non-negotiable. And to be perfectly honest, if I was the one who cheated, I wouldn't be mad if she ended it. Kids aside, do what is best for you. You can still be a great Dad and not be with someone you can't trust. Be well.