Case Study - Origin of Narcissistic Personality Disorder

This video answers the question: Can I review a case study regarding the origins of narcissistic personality disorder? This case study highlights the damaging effects of poor parenting and looks at the consequences of having a mother who is narcissistic has on a son.
Narcissism:
There are two types of narcissism: With grandiose narcissism we see characteristics like being extroverted, socially bold, self-confident, having a superficial charm, being resistant to criticism, and being callous and unemotional. Vulnerable narcissism is characterized by shame, anger, aggression, hypersensitivity, a tendency to be introverted, defensive, avoidant, anxious, depressed, socially awkward, and shy.
Narcissistic personality disorder:
This is a Cluster B personality disorder listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM). The definition for this disorder contains nine symptom criteria, five of which are required for diagnosis.
1. A grandiose sense of self-importance
2. preoccupation with exaggerated fantasies of success, power, and beauty
3. believing oneself to be special or unique
4. requiring excessive admiration
5. having a sense of entitlement
6. manipulating others interpersonally
7. lacking empathy
8. being envious of others
9. being arrogant, pretentious, or supercilious
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[@jaredmello]

Wow. Some people hardly have a chance with the upbringing they had

[@victorbeardman1610]

Yeah, because they're destroyed by this trauma, I'm one of them and is still treated like a child by my narc parents.

[@jaredmello]

My dad is a covert narc. Wasn’t fun

[@jaredmello]

I’ve got a channel about psychology and mental health too! From a first person perspective, check it out if ya want!

[@jaredmello]

Wake Up thanks so much for checking it out! Pretty awesome of you

[@ladymopar2024]

I see so much of that in the work world and makes me sad why have kids then?

[@privatesniffles1607]

Jesus Christ, how can someone not turn out incredibly emotionally damaged from that childhood, always denied empathy, treated like a slave and even as an adult just seen as a problem to others instead of someone that needs help.

[@epicmercury333]

Seriously. It's just so sad.

[@virginiafonacier8795]

Yes so sad.Family upbringing played so much when kids grew up with narcs parents.Unfortunately I married one and he passed it to us his family.No positive traits but extremely nothing inside him but hatred, envy,revenge,etc.Soooooo depressing.

[@LuxMeow]

I managed to turn out emotional healthy and balanced for a long time and for some of us it hits us later in life. I had cut all the toxic people out. So many are on the side of the parent/s and then you go on in life and all the predators come for you , as 'friends' as 'romantic partners', as a 'boss' because once you are abused the cycle repeats. It's like you meet the same people over and over with different faces. You learn to get smarter the hard way but there is a lot of anger and distrust as you learn the dark side of most people. So a lot of us remain as loners because most people are trouble. End up with CPTSD, BPD at best, otherwise other diagnosis which can make your life more challenging. When your life starts as shit, if on top of that you're attractive, have great qualities that make others jealous and female, people will try to ruin you, especially if you're a kind person. Evil people are better off all around because they run this society. It's constructed on guilting, shaming, harshly judging others, without really listening, seeing the bigger picture, using people as tools and worshiping objects. Even 'normal' people are way more fucked up than they think. Many people have traits of personality disorders to fit in with society (think the people who created Hunger Games as they sat back and watched everyone kill each other to survive), they do things because authority says it's okay, even if that means at the demise of someone else, physical, spiritual, emotional. Hell isn't a thing of fiction, it's right here, on this planet. I know, I lived there and I walked through it. People who survive it had their scars.

[@24lisaleone]

Woodlice worm, It’s been awhile since I studied Dev. Psych but i’m pretty sure there is a cognitive “resilience factor” involved in development. Dont know the % of occurrence. My guess for those that have “great parents” you can get it from too much misappropriated attention as well. Also, i’m not sure but I think trauma and trauma-bonds that can lead to NPD can occur from other peers or relationships.

[@soilgrasswaterair]

I found it odd that he was viewed as being physically dangerous in a situation where he whipped her with the belt because she had tried to whip him with the belt because his parents had told her she could physically abuse him in the name of discipline. Give me one person who would allow anyone to whip them with a belt (without consent). And then add the humiliation of being 15 years old and be babysat by someone who is ONE year *younger* , and the frustration of being babysat due to having so many restrictions in your own home (that frankly didn’t sound like much of a home due to how vile they treated him). For anyone to diagnose him with anti social disorder because of one incident without looking into what that incident detailed is horrible. Because anyone in their right mind can understand what made him whip her and shouldn’t the parents or the babysitter have faced some consequence for acting like it was ok to physically assault him? This is so odd.

[@lizabethlillard3870]

I find the therapeutic community more frightening than the client in this case. The client clearly needed counseling for depression and life skills since it soun d's like he never experienced a loving supportive environment in his whole life by the time he sought help. His ability to be truthful to potential employers is shamebased. I've never seen a narcissist admit to anything. Slapping diagnosis's on folks before some action centered therapy is dangerous and so so much playing God. Many people change given the healthy tools to practice and be immersed in for healing. If this guy is hypersensitive to his environment it makes sense. He should NOT be shamed again by therapists lacking in life experience or empathy for the client. Thanks for sharing.

[@plummypurple]

I agree. Of course, there are many interactions between the counselor and client that made her come to that conclusion that I guess we will never know. But yes the counselor seemed kind of non-empathetic and maybe out of her league. I like the case studies. Interesting.

[@SunnyGirlFlorida]

True. But therapists are real people too and not perfect. They have their own weak spots as well.

[@JDdr86]

That therapist sounds like a misandric psychopath!

[@pw5651]

I guess therapist or whatever was probably offended at how he criticized their office clothes etc. and they partly diagnosed him according to that.

[@gracelivingstone191]

It’s helpful to understand the childhood trauma in a patient and how it leads to adult disorders. More videos like this please. I am estranged from my two adult daughters and am trying to understand what I did to contribute to this. I spent a lifetime seeking therapy for depression thinking I was breaking the chain of family abuse so I put a high priority on having an open, honest relationship with my girls giving them unconditional love and encouragement while doing my best as a single mother to discipline them when necessary. As they became almost cruel adults keeping me from my grandkids I spent 7 yrs asking them what I was doing wrong. Why wouldn’t they talk to me or visit. I finally realized it’s not me it’s them but don’t understand how they got this way. I thought I had at least instilled good family values in them but it seems none of what I taught them took. The only value they see in me is to have someone to giggle and gossip about while telling me that’s not happening. As far as I know they have not suffered trauma in their childhood and only one smokes pot. Can I fix this or is it out of my hands and time to let it go?

[@alejandropereyrarozas3371]

Man, I've never heard before of such crazy parents. I'm surprised that he didn't turn into a serial killer. NPD just sounds healthy for this poor guy. Todd, please keep posting real life cases, especially about narcissism. The general public needs to know what really goes on in families, schools, etc

[@victorbeardman1610]

I have these parents too. You realise that there is something wrong with your parents growing up, but not how. And when you're a child you're scared of leaving your parents for fosterparents, because you're afraid they might be even worse.

[@victorbeardman1610]

But I think maybe this mass shooter in Texas might have NPD parents or parents with cluster B dissorders.

[@k.ambriz9789]

Victor Beardma wow. Did you read something to that effect?

[@victorbeardman1610]

@@k.ambriz9789 Yeah, I think so narcisissmen seems to increase.

[@ShaareiZoharDaas]

I found this very helpful because I've had horrible experience with NPD sufferers. This helped me have empathy.

[@cynthiaallen9225]

I agree. I never would have diagnosed him with ASPD, not that I'm qualified. His father was a whimp and his mother shouldn't have been allowed to keep him. Poor guy. He's got a long, hard road. I wonder how it turned out for him. Yes, this is a great format. It was hard to take hearing how he was raised.

[@MLJay]

“Emotional damage is real damage” Heartbreaking case study.

[@jaredmello]

His mother sounds like a horrible person

[@lisasmith516]

FRED WAS A DEVIL 😈🔥👿 AS WELL.

[@jaredmello]

Lisa Smith yes very true. I replied before I head the end of the tragic tale

[@narcbegone1507]

Lisa Smith Why do you say that? There's very little mentioned about him. So I'm just curious what leads you to believe that

[@soilgrasswaterair]

Narc Begone he agreed to the young babysitter being allowed to physically abuse Thomas. And then add all the torture from the mother, which wouldn’t be able to take place had his father not been so passive. It went on right under his nose and he did not take action, and the fact he ran off with the babysitter who was so much younger shows you even more how twisted he was. Their son did not really stand a chance to be a whole person with an upbringing like that. So yes, enough is known about the father to know he wasn’t there for his son or healthy.

[@narcbegone1507]

We don't really know that he agreed to anything. He may have had no clue that the mother instructed the babysitter to use the belt. Same with the rest of mother's torture. Unless I'm forgetting something. He could have been never home, and told all kinds of lies by the mother. She could have told the father that Thomas wanted to stay in his room all the time, for all i know. Pathological liars make up all kinds of stories. We don't know what the father was told. All we know is that he didn't care to find out for himself, or to bond with his son.

[@TanteSklaidos]

So heatbreaking. Cannot imagine the loneliness that boy felt. What a great format to shine a light on the roots of personality disorders and show how necessary compassion is.

[@tdang9528]

EVIL

[@afree6339]

Wow. No wonder they block it out and never really reveal what happened to them. Anyone else notice that? It’s like you never know what exactly occurred in childhood? Ugh and thanks to mommy dearest, society has to pay. Great video Doc!

[@selkoa8384]

April TEE-ZEE true .

[@erikkasepiphany85]

Yes my husband does not have many memories of childhood, he has narcissistic personality disorder and I’m pretty sure his mother has NPD as well and they are the coldest, most unempathetic people I’ve ever met.

[@thefigurehead392]

"...we see Thomas came in and complained that her office was dirty... she was dressed in clothes that were from the 60's... he indicated her staff was rude to him while he was in the waiting room, and he also said that all mental health professionals were loosers... so Thomas was really off to a good start, right?" LMAO

[@frankenz66]

Good grief, 😣 poor family. That whole family has been abused. Someone might say the mother is terrible, but someone helped "make" her, who she is as well.

[@frankenz66]

@@ninavandenabbeele9667 Like a bad diet habits in a family triggering health conditions is perpetrated over generations, so can coping skills and defense mechanisms. The latter usually isn't blamed on family genetics as the former often is.

[@nancylpr]

What a horrible story. That poor kid....

[@halfrutter2226]

So glad My brother and I were not raised like Thomas! Wow what an empty, unempathic childhood.

[@darkamethyssst4723]

More videos on narcissism would be excellent.. thanks Doc..

[@rightnow5839]

👍🏻 Dr. Grande. It Seems as though something was definitely wrong with Thomas’s mother since she made a huge deal out of a small thing, and put him down regularly. I’ve noticed that some children end up with traits of Narcissism if they had a parent with it, while other children in same household may not have those traits however they always seem to have some emotional problems due to that type of upbringing. 💗

[@juliecantin]

This really makes me appreciate my own parents.... I appreciate the format and would like to see more of the same!

[@vivienleigh4640]

When hearing about this case, I remember a little girl that was at the time 10 years old. This was about 30 years ago. A co-worker (this was not when I worked as a counselor, I might add - sure, there are som deeply disturbed counselors, but anyway) ... well, a co-worker had invited me and others to an early dinner. We were about fifteen people, all adults except for this 10 year old girl. She didn't sit at the table with us, she sat on a stool about six feet away. I smiled at her and waved and she approached me. She asked me "What do you like?" "I like the sun", I answered "What do you like?" She answered "ice-cream". I told her that she could sit on my lap if she wanted to. She quickly did so. Then suddenly, I hear her mother say with a sigh "Oh! she's found a new favorite!", rolling her eyes. I didn't know what to say, so I just said - "And so have I". After a while I went out for a smoke (yes, I did smoke!), I found a chair and sat there. Soon after the girl came and joined me, carrying a blanket that she put over my shoulders. I wonder what became of her.

[@KarhuLP]

The described behavior of the mother made me seriously cringe.

[@realGBx64]

I'm the least bit surprised that the father ran away with the baby sitter. probably that was the best choice for him, too

[@k.ambriz9789]

This was very interesting. I'd love to see a case study about avoidant personality disorder. It's hard to find much information about that condition. Thank you!

[@elisamastromarino7123]

Sensitively put, Dr Grande. What a sad, sad, story. And yes! I would say that both of his parents were incredibly selfish and self focused at the very least. What a horrible life for Thomas. Strange how some abused kids grow up and overcome enormous hurdles to make their life into something better while others, like Thomas, are left to flounder in the mental health system. That's just tragic. Thank you for your gentle manner with this account. 🌹👍

[@allinaday9882]

Thomas’s story causes me so much pain, I can not bear to think of it again. This video is a breakthrough in teaching the vast audience of “Narcissistic “ videos of all types on YT. Although most of my family suffer from this personality trait, from the age of 11 or so, I felt deep compassion for both of my parents.When at an older age, I came to know my mom’s mother, my compassion grew for both of them. In high school I made it my goal to break the chain of the abuse my family members had suffered for generations. (No, I did not become a mental health professional). In many ways I succeeded. But, I was always seen as an outsider or odd family member by all of my family. A very lonely place to be. Dr. Grande, this is a beautiful show. And very well put together and presented. Your education, work and experience and empathy are the unique ingredients that made this video shine. Thank you 🙏.

[@helgeope]

It was such a sad story to hear about this kid. I think this child just needed love and didn't get any. Well explained in an accurate and clear way. Hopefully, we all learn something from this: Love your children as much as you can. Nothing else matters.

[@narcbegone1507]

If you ask Thomas's parents, they will swear up and down that they loved him and he was a spoiled ungrateful brat. Abusers don't know what love is, but will use the word and confuse you.

[@narcsinart7179]

had to cheer for thomas when he took the belt away

[@narcbegone1507]

The belt was a set up by narc mother who WANTED him to have a record. Even wanted to put him in prison! What a way to make sure he never becomes an independent adult. She gets to play victim in public because her son is in jail, AND she gets to control him forever because he is now unemployable and stuck living with her. And can't find an apartment with a record, either. Of course she understood that a 15 year old boy is not going to take a belt beating from a 14 year old girl! That's insane. The one who should have been arrested that day was the mother, because she set the whole thing up! She gave authorization to a "babysitter" to hit her son with a belt?! If that cop had half a brain and used it, he'd call child protection services on the mother. Instead of arresting a teenage boy for not just standing still while someone is trying to hit him. That c*nt belongs in prison.better yet, in a straight jacket.

[@carlie5577]

The whole story was disturbing. However, the part that caught me off guard was the babysitter being moved into the home as a new child of sorts. I just have so many questions and I am very creeped out too🤔

[@illyillyill]

@JD Jones She was also there as a replacement or additional source of supply to the son.

[@maryskelton2562]

The dad ran off with her, which is probably why he wanted her there to begin with.

[@narcsinart7179]

@@maryskelton2562 , no i don't think so, i think the mom wanted her there to begin with. the mom ran the show. but mom did not have the foresight to see that the babysitter would usurp her in the end.

[@enviroheritage2220]

That part shows the struggle the mother was in with her husband, that in turn was metted out on the son. I am not excusing her behaviour but it looks like that mother also had issues and she only felt validated when oppressing Thomas

[@torakwarius]

Thank you for making this video. It makes me want to cry, it’s such a terrible childhood. There were a few things I could relate to, being an only child and having had parents that were at the same time absent and hovering, exclusive, dismissive, and not empathetic. It really makes me wonder how my mother grew up. Unfortunately she’s practically impossible to talk to. I’d love to know more about the origins of narcissism, especially the covert type.

[@jaspreetb1547]

In a world where narcissism is becoming the status quo..... these videos help us take a look at our own actions even! I respect you for sharing this knowledge and helping many of us! Our little impacts in our own behaviour can create mini influences on others in society. Thank you

[@marymary20]

6 min in and it’s too much for me to listen to the rest. My heart hurts for Thomas. I will try again later. Thank you, Dr. Grande...what a great format, the case study.

[@BigZebraCom]

I like the idea of presenting case studies.

[@tthinker9897]

I felt this was very informative. Pathology always has a root cause, either emotional or physical abuse, or brain malformation due to genetics or trauma. Any way you look at it, dysfunctional people are victims as well as victimizers. Hurting people do hurtful things.

[@43110s]

So painful to hear this story! Poor boy! But very interesting to hear about this case study. Would love to hear more case studies. Especially about covert narcissism!!! Super great video, Dr. Grande!!! Thank you for making highly interesting videos!

[@pebblebrookbooks4852]

I had strictly enforced early bedtimes, too. They are embarrassing and way more isolating than most folks realize.

[@lindsey9728]

My mom's ex boyfriend's mother moved down the street from us when I was young, she was from East Germany, yup, that one, and had escaped. She got custody of a nephew with ADD. The poor kid had to go to bed at 6 every night, and it was advertised to everyone in the neighborhood. The kid chose to move back in with his drug addict mother a few years later, it was that bad. I often think about the trauma she experienced, enough to escape at the risk of death and how that trauma was transferred to a small child with ADD and nobody was around to teach him coping skills. The humiliation of such an early bedtime was well understood by all the kids.

[@pebblebrookbooks4852]

@@lindsey9728 ya i used to wish either of my parents had an addiction or something so i wouldn't look like i deserved/needed to be under such tight control.

[@lindsey9728]

@@pebblebrookbooks4852 I'm so sorry.

[@priyao5097]

This is so tragic and reminds me of why I extended empathy towards the narc in the first place. They came from an unusually troubled upbringing similar to mine and won everyone’s heart, including my own. It is so difficult to negotiate the line between empathy and enabling these people.

[@JacobMichael]

>:( This makes me so angry. Poor Thomas :( . Honestly.. I can see how this type of disorder would have a high chance of being passed on. It's like Thomas was filed away by his parents, totally neglected, given absolutely no voice as a child, and stripped of his agency. It's no surprise to me that he grew up feeling deeply unrequited and thinking that he was special/different even if no one knew. :( . I imagine the anxiety came from feeling totally out of control -- since he literally could say nothing or do nothing to be heard as a kid. He was utterly at the mercy of his parents who seemed very, very unhappy to have him around.

[@Patrick-pt2yd]

I really appreciated this format. It would have been cool to add a little of how you might work with this person.

[@jcsrst]

Jesus Christ! What the hell is wrong with people! I have a hard time feeling bad for narcissists, I was raised by one and it's taken my whole adult life to figure out why I am the way I am. I made the decision to not have children because I didn't trust that I wouldn't screw them up. They leave a trail of damage everywhere they go. Just because someone shit on you when you were young doesn't give you the right to shit on your kids.

[@tuck-brainwks-eutent-hidva1098]

That's quite a sacrifice -- sounds like you have made your way to some serious self-awareness. Hope you find ways to pass it along. (As someone else who chose not to have bio kids, for somewhat different reasons, I think there are lots of ways to pass on your heart and your lessons!) 🙏😊

[@jayabee]

I always feel compassion for narcissists because I've hardly ever known one that I didn't have a really traumatic backstory. But compassion alone can sometimes not be very healing. Hence the whole concept about "all mental health providers are losers". A lack of comprehension of the difference between kindness and weakness. You really have to have your "don't take it personally" glasses on to be any kind of help 2 people with narcissistic personality characteristics. it's not impossible and can be rewarding to see a person with some of those personality characteristics begin to develop some authentic self esteem that reduces the need for the narcissistic defense mechanisms. There is a big difference though between having a narcissistic person as a client and having such a person in your personal life and just putting it out there for people who have a tendency to become attached to people with this personality type you already know that over time your love your caring will become threatening in at that moment it will be rejected. So yes feel compassion for the other person and also for yourself in such a situation but don't let that guide your decision-making in being in relationship with certain people. My unsolicited advice on that.

[@redwatch.]

This video helps me feel more compassion for people who irritate me.

[@illyillyill]

This really is a great case study breakdown. Thanks for a lot for this. It's actually strikingly similar to my childhood. However, while i was emotionally and psychically neglected i didn't get the overbearing strictness of my NPD parents at the same time. (yes, both of them are/were NPD'd one is dead). For half of my childhood i was considered the "golden child". While my foster brothers got my fathers true ...Narcissistic/ Antisocial wraith. I got my mothers (and fathers) complete and total emotional , and in some cases physical neglect/ abandonment. Which of course led to life problems one of which will most likely be life destroying. The guys Baby sitter was the golden child in this situation, and it speaks to what i've known for years. Narcissistic parents don't care anything at all about blood relation when it comes to selecting sources of narcissistic supply, and targets. As i said i was the golden child, but when i started to reject my parents behavior i was quickly, even more so than before, emotionally abandoned to be replaced by one of my foster brothers. Not much different than this Narc mom wanting her son locked up to be replaced by the daughter she always wanted(The baby sitter). We all know that Narcissists can go from being completely and totally controlling to caring nothing for your existence or well being at all in the blink of an eye and THIS is a great example of how it manifests with parents and their "children".

[@cat4331]

OOOOH this seems interesting! I’ve always wondered where it came from.. maybe the narc’s own mother/father abuse! Thank you for this video! Thank you for your hard work! Cat

[@NarcissisticAbuseRehab]

I think NPD is a learned behavior. I also think it’s role modeled for them in their childhood.

[@ShaareiZoharDaas]

@@NarcissisticAbuseRehab I think its compensatory after hearing this.

[@lrrrruleroftheplanetomicro6881]

@@NarcissisticAbuseRehab You should really read some of Otto Kernberg's work.

[@sabrinagranger5468]

Really interesting! There's a thin line between excusing someone's actions and figuring out what led to them, and I think case studies like this are really useful for non-professionals as well. Would love to see more!

[@emilygoogle6520]

Please continue making videos with this format, if possible! I found it very informative and a helpful way to better understand the psychology behind the narcissistic mind.

[@jamesw3888]

Thank you, Dr Grande. This case study helped me to understand much better my own history, (similar, but not as extreme as Thomas’), and to get to the root of my NPD, for which I take the responsibility of recovery. Please make a video about healing the traumas that are the root cause of NPD.

[@patriciadl3979]

Hello! How would you say your progress is going to take responsibility? I'm in the same boat and am looking for more reassurances that change is possible if one has the desire to do so. Thank you in advance.

[@gaiaiulia]

I've just seen this video for the first time. That was a classic upbringing for a serial killer. How did he stay even partially sane? This poor guy couldn't get a break at all. Imagine the mother insisting he get a criminal record and trying to get him put into prison at fourteen or fifteen till he was eighteen. Giving away his toys struck a cord with me, as my parents used to give away the books I got for Christmas to my cousins. They did explain why, but it still hurt. Even this poor guy's therapist seems to have had it in for him if I may use such an unprofessional phrase. I'm not surprised he needed therapy, and even there, with respect to the professionals he seems not to have had any luck. What an interesting case study, narrated in your usual fair and balanced way.

[@sandyshorewalker5364]

This was an interesting case history. i would enjoy more videos done in this format. Really felt that Thomas has a very rough start.

[@laurenclark5734]

WOW! Thomas has a tragic story. Karma got Mary when Fred ran off with Betty. I’d like to know Stacey’s story. She obviously got the heck out as soon as she could.

[@tuck-brainwks-eutent-hidva1098]

Yeah, well, Betty had better "check her 6" for the rest of her life....

[@empath4445]

I love these case studies Dr. Grande. They provide context to mental disorders. Very helpful 👍

[@pocoeagle2]

Thank you Dr. Grande. I like hearing about these case studies. It's interesting to get to know how important a childhood is for understanding someone's personality disorder. I felt really sorry for Thomas. It would be very helpful and interesting to hear more case studies about children , who developed other personality disorders from all the ten there are in the DSM, so to understand better where these PD's are coming from.

[@emmaphilo4049]

I still have many videos to watch on your channel, Dr Grande. I did particularely like this one because it shows the cycle of abuse/ dysfuntion/ violence the entire society is subjected to over and over again...

[@notubercharged]

I've been on holiday and the internet was quite bad where I was so I couldn't watch your videos for a week - I'm going to binge watch the ones I've missed now though!

[@BasedGodEmperorTrump]

My heart goes out to him and others facing these kinds of hardships. Being abandoned by my mother when I was 10 and dying when I was 11 layed the foundation for my BPD. I'm now 31, divorced, isolated home alone and my ex wife keeps my daughter from me. Everyday is a nightmare. I'm not perfect. I live on emotions and cause me to react impulsively to which I do feel sorry for. I didn't ask for this disorder but am constantly demonized for it whether stigma or generalized. I have problems out of my control when triggered but I have been working on extinguishing the initial reaction to said triggers for the most part. Words slip out, gestures made etc but I have been refraining from escalation. I'm aware of manipulation and deception and try my best to not implement it outside of impulsive triggers without self control. Feeling numb or empty is like an imaginary friend that carries on into adulthood. Just the depression is a suicide Messiah. People exposed to the dark actions of disorders are victims but as Dr. Grande has stated, those affected with these burdens are victims too. As far as BPD, I see black and white yes but everyday I feel grey.

[@aliciakristina328]

Very interesting and informative. Love love love. More videos like this would be great. Thank you 🙏🏽

[@suzyq3225]

I REALLY like this format. It gives the average person insight that only a clinician is usually exposed to.

[@Melisa-sb1qk]

Dr, Grande, it was great. My experience was having a narcististic mother and ex-huband. I had a great loving father that in a way I.am.saved as being an empathic person. My struggle with narcistic people continued at work as well . Just recently i discovered all. Your videos help.a lot Surely I would like to hear more case studies. Regards & Greetings from Europe

[@donnamathoslah8183]

I too am interested in hearing more case studies. I find this fascinating. I unexpectedly found myself laughing out loud when I heard that the father ran away with the babysitter!

[@serendipitous_synchronicity]

Such a tragic story!! Food for thought!! Thanks Doc!

[@Toxic_Femininity]

BRING BACK THE CASE STUDIES 🙌 Yours are soooooo good Dr G!

[@Scentsyaromebotanicals]

Yea! Please continue with this format. I am interested in these everyday cases. I gained a lot of insight from this video.

[@gsafadi2]

Very sad, but at the same time interesting. You can see the behavior patterns and the cause of them. They are trully creatures born from abuse.

[@angelh8262]

The tragedy is no one stepped in to help this poor child. Not the teachers, family, friends or neighbours. Shameful ignorance shown by everyone who must have known this child was suffering and needed protection. But, sadly, the mother holds all the power, this is wrong and needs to things need to change.

[@svetlanajaramillo5091]

Poor Thomas, terrible parents, specially terrible mother, selfish and careless, I hope he can resocialize and have a happy live

[@karenabrams8986]

PLEASE analyze Joan Crawford and the Mommy Dearest material. I see it so differently now that I’ve learned about NPD and attachment disordered adopted kids.

[@laurenjeangreenbean6301]

I love your case study videos! Its interesting how easy it was to empathize and even pity Thomas until some of his adult traits present, and the obfuscation of the childhood trauma is nearly immediate in the face of such mild irritants in behavior. I have so much respect for someone who can help an individual like that. How much genetic involvement can one determine when you have a parent(s) like that? Love these case studies!

[@user-vb6ky1mo9e]

I do enjoy this format and would like to see more.

[@billhildebrand5053]

Comment 758: 33,663 views. Watched this again at this time since Dec 13 where previously on Dec 13 were 31,836 views. So 1827 views in 1,5 months... I’m glad to rewatch it as I’m able to analyze my childhood and start to recollect things when I was 9 or so... Thanks Dr. Grande 👍👍👍😀😀😀

[@narcbegone1507]

Thomas is not a narcissist. Thomas is a survivor of childhood narcissistic abuse. The single most important thing for him to do now is DUMP HIS THERAPIST and find a new one who understands c-ptsd and can help him heal from life of trauma and victimization by callous a$holes. The last thing he needs is a clueless therapist to label him with npd. If she can't take it that a socially awkward abuse survivor criticized her clothing...she needs to pick a different career. Or get better educated and grow a thick skin.

[@carlab30]

Narc Begone this was my thoughts exactly. Sounds like a misdiagnosis to me. He is scarred from the trauma he went through. His mother was the narcissist and his father was the enabler and when the babysitter came he saw a way out and took it

[@NobleNemesis]

He might not have been, but you gotta understand that by the time Thomas went into therapy, he was well into adulthood and it was too late- he'd developed it.

[@narcbegone1507]

Noble Nemesis Why make dumb statements? Age is nowhere on the list of any kind of diagnostic criteria. Misdiagnosis is a problem totally independent of age. You seem to be making a claim that everyone raised by a narcissist grows up to be a narcissist which is false.

[@narcbegone1507]

And if you want me to understand something, bring evidence, not your imagination.

[@NobleNemesis]

I'm making the claim that nurture took hold before any proper insight or help could be brought to him, yep. If you think that's a dumb statement, I smile. I think that the diagnosis you speak of could have been appropriate had someone intervened sooner, but it's pretty clear, if you listen to Dr Grande, that the man had manifested the disorder by the time anyone could help him. You could argue that the therapist was not suitable for him, though, and I'd be willing to agree with that. Anyways, you seem pretty emotionally invested in this, I must admit, so I wish you well. lol @@narcbegone1507

[@stevenbuckner286]

I found this format to be not only interesting but very informative. I now know that a simple cookie -cutter diagnosis does not exist. Each individual case appears to be a complex puzzle with an everchanging unlimited amount of pieces where the goal is to get as close as possible to a diagnosis that offers the greatest possibility for success.I enjoy learning that is why I enjoy this channel so much.

[@brianb7869]

The names have been changed to protect the guilt ridden and cringeworthyfolk. Doctor Todd Grande! Bravo!!

[@tdesq.2463]

Sadly, this has some parallels with my (ex)-Brother-in-Law. Rich parents, but very superficial. Father made $ in Sales, but very Trump-like personality. And clearly, not very proud of his Son. Called him a "Lose" and told "Get a Life" right in front me during my second visit to my future Wife's Family home. It gets much worse. Anyway, seemed clear to both my Wife (his younger Sister) and me that he fit the criteria for what was then called Asperger's Syndrome (now Autism Spectrum Disorder). I wonder if the fellow ("Thomas") in the instant Case Study had been screened for ASD. Might be worth a look. Great Stuff, Doctor. Thx!

[@virtualityvictoria8216]

I'm so glad that you made this vid because so many people call narcissists demons or evil w/o realizing that some narcs have had terrible lives at the hands of their parents or have just been raised by parents with bad parenting skills. from my perspective the parents created the narcissist. my husband's parents made him a narc without realizing it and this is one of the reasons why spouses stay with the narc...because they realize its not so much the spouse's fault but the spouse's parents fault. that can not be stressed enough. people need to be educated about this issue. not only have they ruined their child's childhood, they have ruined them for life and that is just so sad, so pathetic. I very much dislike my in laws for it when I came to understand the parenting style they used and it wasn't long before I refused to even visit them with my husband. there is no way my husband is even capable of having a successful marriage and that's all I will say about that.

[@CAborn1112]

I had no idea that how we were raised plays such a roll in development narcissism. Great video Dr. Grande.

[@ruthklipp3357]

Loved this one! Saw a smile, too - on Thomas's "loser" comment!

[@Concur450]

This case was unbelievable! I see so much incompetence from professionals, ones who had such power over him. My heart hurts for him and his views of life and people; most of all himself.

[@NothingHumanisAlientoMe]

Mary and Fred broke that boys head.I wonder who broke theirs thus leaving their parenting impaired. Is there freewill in the emotional overkill? Philosophical rhyme to pass for a meaningful sign,when in truth a strange ugly old youth merely ponders life refusing renewal. Cool and insightful video

[@لمىالشريف-غ8ك]

Oh my God! That is such a heart breaking story. So unfair! The mother seems crazy Wow amazing how he respected the clinician. I love how you are drawing attention to their suffering, Dr. Grande! Thank you for pointing out the emotional impact. I can understand why he didn't want contact with his mother.

[@Estelle-Maureen]

Dr. Grande, This video was amazing. Thank you.

[@alvarosalgado377]

This is some wonderful work from Dr. Grande. As someone who has suffered a considerable amount on account of narcissism, I appreciate the effort to explain such a particular case. I have no doubt in my mind this guy has been through Hell.

[@nancygreydee2608]

Sadly this sounds like my narcissistic alcoholic ex husband and the destructive effects his abuse has on me and my children who now display his damaging traits just like my ex inherited from his abusive dad

[@lisasmith516]

Pray for THEM, and present a very adult manner towards their "misbehaving."

[@auntielaura5]

I really enjoy it when you talk about case studies and would love you to include it in your mix. Thanks!

[@5fingerjack]

Up to a point, the parenting seemed like ordinary 50's parenting. Fixed bedtime, go to room when guests came (for cocktails or bridge probably), stay out of parents room and living room. This is not necessarily abusive especially for elementary age kids. Subject's inevitable growth toward maturity seemed to be a problem with Mom. Is that common with N parents? I'm thinking they fear losing their supply? Regarding the subject, it seems unconscionable to label him with ASPD given his actions. I would want to do an autism rule-out (Asperger's level) given his intolerance of rule violations. By labeling him ASPD, the counselor seems to collude with Mom (in absentia), pathologizing the subject just because his personality is abrasive. I'd love to hear what your diagnosis might be, given what is known, and what your treatment plan would be.

[@mrs.reluctant4095]

I agree.

[@justnoted2995]

Yes case studies show what the clinician finds useful in taking history. Good presentation Dr. Grande. What I would find helpful in these case studies is the treatment options in broad strokes. Thank you for your service in mental health education.

[@paesitopaez4302]

I find it so sad that childhoods like this are often overlooked as debilitating or harmfull, because the damage done to the child was done little by little, and in no big, dramatic and punctual manner.

[@s.h.l.2825]

Something else: Recently I came across a TED talk about a rape victim who shares stage with her rapist! I watched the whole video, and it was not easy. I think the lady is still suffering from the trauma as seen in here facial expressions. I think her method is no healing, but I would like to know your opinion, as an expert. Thanks a lot. The video title is: "Thordis Elva and Tom Stranger: Our story of rape and reconciliation".

[@laura835]

Yes, more case studies please! Thank you.

[@RJ-hx5nb]

Yes ! More case studies, Please

[@anthonyramirez7272]

I felt bad for Thomas. He didn’t deserve any of what he went through. Can you please do more videos like this one? I really enjoyed it. Personally, I know absolutely nothing about psychology and I have no credentials in the realm of psychology, but I thought Thomas had OCPD or OCPD tendencies. I saw more moralistic overtones with staying at work for the whole shift and complaining about how the staff or something was dirty. But again, I’m not a professional or have been licensed; So, take what I say with a grain of salt.

[@lindsey9728]

This was probably my favorite video yet! I've found that having compassion and understanding for my N parent has really helped me post treatment. I'm so glad my Dr. discouraged "no-contact" in my situation. Though, I'm a little different, my N parent loves me as much as they are able and a lot of their ego is wrapped up in being the best parent.

[@xlyal8908]

My parents were worse. Lots of people don't like narcissists but we are suffering from this condition too. It is like you live a life of complete unhappiness .

[@jeanetteyork2582]

This was an excellent video. One thing I've always been curious about is how you know this is really Thomas's story? That is, if Thomas has NPD, and NPDs are chronic liars, how do you, as a clinician, identify and separate their lies from the truthful parts they might tell you?

[@meera2531]

Many narcs, especially covert/ victim ones often talk about their bad childhoods to close family members, their children etc to brag about what they have been through and survived and how the other person is being weak etc and also to gain sympathy and pity for themselves as "victims". However it's unusual for a Narcissistic person to go in for therapy and thus the therapist taking permission and making a case study of it. There may be some exaggerations in the account but perhaps the therapist accounted for that.

[@jcrnda]

Lies can be detected. One needs to be consistent about alternate reality like a spy and offer a leak-proof version of events. You can verify it by casually asking about the same story at a later stage or pretend you mixed some facts and see if you are corrected. If your narcissist changes the story you know it's false. If it's consistent and you can find no contradictions you can mark it as true.

[@narcbegone1507]

JD Jones If someone talks about their childhood abuse without emotions (seemingly, to you), that is not evidence that they have no idea how wrong it is, or that they are NPD. It could be that they have gone through a lot of healing, processed what happened, and now can emotionally detach while still being honest about their experience. Actually, being silent about the abuse is the unhealthy way of dealing with it, and is helping abusers keep their secrets, and is keeping the victim stuck. Personally, i was unable to talk about what my parents did to me because i was terribly ashamed of it - if you read about abusers, you learn they brainwash the victim to believe that everything that's done to you is your own fault. As you begin to learn about abusers, and as u begin to heal, you start to understand that it's not your fault. And you know what, if it's not my fault, it's also not my shame. The shame for my parents' behavior belongs to my parents, not to me. That's how i see it now. And that's why I'm able to talk about it now, often without emotion - because i put the blame where it belongs, and because I'm partially healed. I'm not going to break down and cry every time i mention my childhood. And I'm not going to keep secrets either, I'm open about it. My abusers would love it if i spent the rest of my life crying over what they did to me. Guess what, you can heal and move on with your life, while still being open about what happened. So just wanted to let you know, you might be misreading people. Also, talking about their abuse without emotion is not on the list of diagnostic criteria, or list of traits of a narcissist.

[@narcbegone1507]

@Jcrnda If you pretend you mixed some facts i told you previously, i will decide you're a poor listener and won't bother correcting you. Your method is not as leak-proof as you think.

[@francinesmith8109]

@@narcbegone1507 you're just superior in this area huh? Educated where? You seem to know it all. Lol

[@ashleycnossen3157]

I do like this format, please do more case studies. I've always had compassion for narcissists, knowing that there is a reason they are that way. It's difficult not to have much of an outlet for that compassion.

[@bamadilloable]

Antisocial behavior can easially develop during childhood, because of a npd mother, it's a sort of aggressiv/passive behavior as a solution to sertant abusive mental issues done by the npd mother/parents, the pathern of narcissistic behavior and antisocial behavior can follow many years until confronted

[@bamadilloable]

By my own case it was aggressiv/passive behavior by a dark triad step mother, using my family as supply, killed my biologic mother to use me as servant, teaching me a very dysfunktionel pathern and tell what girl I was allowed to be with, to awoid development from dysfunktionel pathern and later when married, I was poisened by my wife many times, but it didn't work out, so her father payed a criminal to crush my arm to get insurance money. Today after 4 years in psykiatry i wrote all they did, but had to study medicin, forensics, psychology, psykiatry and law, to get the right details about the abuse, beside watching a lot of videos and getting taught about everything about narcissism

[@bamadilloable]

It's a periode of 37 years in abuse, but there has been many attempts of murder according to my information and yes i'm lucky to be alive 🙏👍

[@bamadilloable]

The case is much more complex, but what mentioned gives a clue, I have written 120 a4 pages to the psykiatry with models of a child as hostages, what affects and how mental abuse affect the childs possibilities as adult and also as child, by lack of knowledge and lack of possibilities to learn because of abusive behavior from npd stepmother. I also study criminal cases to learn other angels of insight to dysfunktional pathern, behavior or personality and ofcourse the narcissistic dark triad behavior with all kinds of crime

[@bamadilloable]

A child is like buying a new computer, software has to be added and that's why a child is a hostage, because it depends on the parents and if the software is bad or wrong somehow the outcome will be a result of the taught behavior/ system ☝️🤔

[@bamadilloable]

In this case study Dr. Grande actually describe how a scapegoat is raised and how the outcome is when the child is a adult

[@liftheart84]

This format is extremely helpful because it gives real life examples in detail. Your previous format is also very helpful. A combination of this type of presentation that includes a real life with its characters and details leading up to the development of the persons problematic outcome, allows a real life view of human development. Looking at people, mental illness and personality disorders in a scientific way is helpful and when combined with examples that reveal real-life occurrences and real life characters in the lives of the person, allows us to see & follow the development of the issues that we are trying to understand by watching your Channel. I certainly hope that this is popular among the other viewers too, so that you can provide case studies like this along with continuing your scientificly informative videos that allow us to understand the condition of a person after they have already arrived in the condition that they're in.

[@jaredmello]

Extremely interesting video. I really enjoyed it

[@catharinepizzarello4784]

Very helpful, Dr Grande. Thomas really suffered. You are one of the people who help us gain insight. 😊

[@amelianannette972]

Please do more case studies! The more theoretical videos are great for getting a baseline knowledge but case studies are amazing at humanizing the experiences of mentally ill people.

[@trixielou4223]

I love the use of case studies thank you. I would be interested in hearing the results of therepeautic intervention on the case as well... Was there any improvement?

[@Nassuklovni]

Thank you for these case studies, they really help people to see the person behind the diagnosis. I've suffered a childhood filled with neglect and abuse also, and have developed a covertly narcissistic personality over time. There is no judgement in your videos. They give people (myself included) hope, that you can heal from these traumas. Many of the other channels who talk about narcissism, make this disorder seem like a untreatable death sentence.

[@pocoeagle2]

Dr. Grande you really discovered a very interesting new source to make many new wonderful videos 👏. You said you have access to hundreds of case studies, so that's going to be a whole new dimension of this channel where you can teach your subs. The amount of people who have on this video already put their comment, opinion and are asking for more of these kind of case studies videos is amazing! It's so interesting to read all these comments. This is something probably many people can relate to and it makes them think about their own childhood and the way their parents have raised them. By the way I have noticed that since you got a 100K subs just one week ago now, the average amount of new subs is about 500 a day !!! 👊👊👊 Wow...I did some rough calculation, but this means that in about 1/2 year you have a serious great chance that you have reached a 200K. 🙌🙌🙌 No more sleep for Dr. Grande.....lol 😁😁😁 I'm so happy for you, that finally the world has really discovered your channel. It's about time 👌 Stay good and healthy doc 😃🇳🇱

[@paulineemdon7222]

Case studies teach me so much. Dr Grande, please do more.

[@AliceDont888]

Dr. Grande, what do you think that the client needed first and foremost to begin to heal?

[@ruthklipp3357]

@JD Jones I have no training either, but that looks like a real plan! :)

[@tuck-brainwks-eutent-hidva1098]

@JD Jones Amen. Start with believe the story (assuming that's a reasonable thing to do!) and affirm perceptions of reality -- talk about a life that could screw with your reality.... 🤯

[@jcrnda]

@JD Jones Very few narcissists look for therapy so I imagine your guess refers to victims of narcissists? If so, that's exactly what I did. #6 didn't work at all. Some people don't want help and they don't want to change. They don't know what healthy is and they like it the way it is...

[@lrrrruleroftheplanetomicro6881]

@JD Jones Very well put. Some would focus primarily on the analytic transference, which you have captured in #6.

[@annemccarron2281]

I doubt may people completely heal from this kind of treatment, they just learn to accept it & move forward.

[@iwantthetruthandnothingbut6521]

Have compassion... But love them from afar.....