Told Co-Worker Having Kids Isn't An Excuse, Do Your Damn Job! AITA

[@justinjones-smith5168]

Story 1: NTA. She almost cost the company a client and the rest of the employees had to fix her mistakes.

[@djktsjytej]

Agreed. I get parents having to take care of things with their kids, but they can't use their personal life interfere with their work repeatedly to the point it affects the job and affects other co-workers. Figure out your s*** and keep things separate. It's not only unprofessional, but unfair to your other coworkers who actually are doing their jobs, some may even be dealing with more then you or less. Either way, you don't let your personal life get in the way of work. If anything, OP should have also brought this up to HR and management immediately after reprimanding the coworker to notify them. The consistent behavior tends to be grounds for a write up and possibly firing.

[@darkmask5933]

Disagree, OP is not the boss, she can report it, work on getting it in writing her duties are separate from this other person, but OP has no right to pretend she is a supervisor and berate her coworkers, it isn't her place. At most I would say ESH.

[@djktsjytej]

@@darkmask5933 OP already brought it up before and nothing was done. She finally confronted the coworker herself without yelling, telling her exactly the problem with her performance affecting everyone else. It is a serious matter and common for coworkers to let each other know to improve or give each other a heads up before bringing things up to management. Doing so helps one another from getting written up and a chance to improve without having to bring in the bosses. The coworker's consistent failures brought all of this on her and someone needed to say something, especially considering it was a problem if other coworkers agreed with OP's actions. That means others were aware of the issue and were getting fed up. Not everything is as simple as filing a complaint in order to change things in a work environment. Sometimes management barely ever does anything and bad behavior subsists.

[@darkmask5933]

@@djktsjytej Still say at most ESH, "someone has to say something" but that someone still has to have the authority to do so, like a boss or HR, not a coworker. The fact someone reported OP to HR for that shows why. Just because management sucks doesn't mean you can pretend you are the boss instead because you think you know better.

[@grinningweirdo4888]

Hell HR had a meeting with everyone to pull their own weight, meaning there isn’t any special agreement in play for this co worker

[@pyronexus1]

Story 1: she HAS gone to the boss AND HR before and they have done nothing. How many times is she supposed to do that and see no results before speaking to her herself?

[@DamienXXI]

The moment a member of the team not doing her part affect my work it becomes my problem, in this I find it normal to have a discussion with her and tell her to pick up the slack. Also let's not forget that the hr job is to protect the company from the people, so as long as they don't find it an issue nothing will happen

[@caryweight728]

I think instead of voicing her anger to the coworker she should have went the malicious compliance route. If HR and management don't take it seriously then neither do I and I'm not working any extra. Let them lose clients. It's their business, I just work there.

[@Pastel_Dreams]

Funny how some of the people saying YTA/ESH are just glossing over this fact... But seriously, OP is NTA. This was the breaking point and someone did need to finally pull this woman's head out of her butt.

[@missluciddreams3472]

That's exactly what I was thinking...she went through the proper channels and nothing was done. I disagree with Mark about this situation. Work has to b done.

[@mcruz2357]

If all of the other co-workers didn't pick up the slack for her mistakes, the problem co-worker may have been written up multiple times creating grounds for termination. This may be what HR would prefer as it makes termination easier if there is documented performance issues.

[@marist6734]

I think the "but I have kids" card can only work for so long. When I was in college a single mother would pull that excuse to get a higher grade which I understand can be difficult to manage school and kids but it shouldn't be a free pass especially when other students may be in the same boat but don't ask for a better grade.

[@cutieetae3351]

1)NTA . Companies do this all the time. They'll ignore people filing complaints until someone goes the other route .. jobs will ignore harassment of all types, and let lazy people keep their jobs because it's easier than investigating .

[@jinxgiz3104]

"I had to get iron infusions 2 times a week for a month and took my laptop with me each time." That's not a good thing, you shouldn't be expected to continue working whilst at medical appointments and it's fucked up that society has made us think this way.

[@jamiewulfyr4607]

👏🏻☝🏻THIS!

[@sarahwessels7020]

And she still comes in early and stays late! And on her deathbed she will regret all the other hours she didn't work! The Company, the company, my Lord and savior! /s

[@bobbyjay205]

She is wrong for overworking. I think the transfusions are like dialasys. your basiclly just sitting in a chair for hours with a tube in your arm. Not physiclly stressful. people do all sorts of things to pass time.

[@cocoidiea8643]

I had an iron infusion during my last pregnancy and will probably get another soon as the supplements aren't enough for me (When my low level was discovered this time it was too early in the pregnancy to safely do a transfusion without trying other things first). It depends on the dose but one large dose which will get me through the rest of my pregnancy would only take around 45 min to an hour.

[@t900HAWK]

I mean true I’m sure her boss didn’t want her to do this or didn’t ask her to do this she probably just got some light work done while she was getting it done I’m not sure what goes on during the procedure so if it’s anything like dialysis then she could possibly have a lot of down time to do some light work and possibly get overtime if it’s hourly

[@mriddley]

Story 1: nta everyone has shjt going on in their personal lives that's not an excuse for screwing up at work and letting your coworkers pick up your slack last year I was almost kicked out over something I didnt do and had to be at work that afternoon either call in or quit dont make your personal life someone else's problem

[@cosnime]

maybe op should ask for help from the phantom thieves ;3

[@lily-zg6io]

Honestly for this one I want to say ESH because yes the mom should not be letting others pick up the slack for her, and should be fixing her mistakes, but OP should not be reprimanding her because they think her work isn't up to standard, especially since they've tried to talk to her in the past, now, with their outburst they screwed themselves up because HR will probably not take them seriously. But I agree with Mark that we don't have the full story, and especially in those times, the coworker could have something going on that the team doesn't know about, like the kid's mental health being bad, the husband struggling, a loss in their circle.

[@wmdkitty]

@@lily-zg6io OP's outburst was the result of Coworker's constant laziness and excuse-making.

[@Davtwan]

@@lily-zg6io - They weren’t taking it seriously to begin with. OP should honestly just keep her head down, do work-to-rule, and start looking for employment elsewhere. Her boss is not managing workspace issues, doesn’t respect her as an employee, and deserves no more than the bare minimum from OP. “We don’t have the full story.” If HR actually discussed to her about this, then maybe they’d get the full story why she’s acting like this rather than enable her behavior. “We discussed this with her and decided to accommodate her for the time being. We can’t disclose why.” A one-on-one with keeping this classified is all it would have took, not a company-wide meeting to tell everyone to “pull their weight.” I won’t deny OP was a slight asshole, but that’s what happens when the higher ups cover their ears and pretend they didn’t see anything. Someone was bound to blow up.

[@tonyrock1983]

@@lily-zg6io if it was a one time thing or happening once every great while, then I would buy that. However, from the story we got, it sounds like it happens regularly. If that's the case, the coworker should sit down with the other workers and give them some explanation to what's going on in her life.

[@Digitalfairy]

Story 1: There's plenty of hardworking mothers married or single out there that can take care of their kids AND do their job! That coworker also sounds suspiciously like a helicopter parent.

[@songohan3321]

While I understand, the problem is a bit different. It would have been better to pull her to the side first. Because she didn't, a nosy Nancy overheard them and went to HR. Then the person she was talking to could turn it around and make it look like OP was on a power trip. I think OP told her in a private setting it would have been better.

[@naturebehindglass6512]

Why is the sister mad about the violin? If she didn't notice for SEVERAL days before a freaking concert that it was missing, she didn't practice. She has no business putting band on college application with that kind of attitude....

[@RudesMom]

This! If she were serious about playing the violin, she would have known it was missing within two days at most. Sis hasn't been practicing, so not serious.

[@Mew_Mokuba_Akari]

@@RudesMom I'd think of you were serious and had an important concert coming up she'd have noticed it that night. 2 days is about how long it took her to even notice it was missing. I've never played an instrument but I have done a play or two and if you're serious it wouldn't have taken 2 or more days. If she was really serious she'd have noticed that night or the next day.

[@Acidfunkish]

People do all kinds of weird things to get ahead for college admissions. Parents and fresh HS graduates act like it's the literal end of the world, if they don't get the placement they want. Unless you have a very clear idea which type of career you'd love to work in for the rest of your life, it's better to just work for a few years, and then decide. Then, not only are you not in debt for a career path that doesn't fit you (and are deciding before your brain has even finished developing), you can also be classified as an "adult learner" and be considered before all recent graduates. Plus, be applicable for more scholarships and grants. Plus, save money between high school and college. Unless you're one of the very few people who know exactly what you want to do, at 17-18, you've got plenty of options (often much better ones, too).

[@aliquot8404]

The wording was a few days, NOT several. To me that implies 2 or 3. If if had been 4 or 5 or 6 or 7, or more OP would have said nearly a week, or a week, or over a week

[@healing_and_humor4530]

If she was THAT serious, she should have had her own violin with her saved money.

[@se4307]

I once received a sympathy message from a Scottish pal saying “that’s heavy shite” I thought it about summed it up. But to be fair it was for my cat

[@themaninabucket8365]

Still sums it up perfectly.

[@jlyo1991]

“That fucking sucks” could be perfect or horrible. Depends entirely on the recipient. It made me laugh, but then again I haven’t just lost a spouse.

[@pompe221]

THIS. When my best friend's dad was diagnosed with cancer, I told her I was sorry and that it sucked donkey balls. But I knew she would understand because that's how we offer each other support. That was NOT the case for OP.

[@briansmaller7443]

That fucking sucks would work for me in a sucky situation like losing my wife. Unless you are brain dead most people would know the feeling behind it.

[@babycakez8070]

I know for me, I didn’t read any of the cards and just bin them. Everyone just writing the same rubbish didn’t really help, and came of fake and not genuine. But that me personally. I would personally write the generic statement just because I don’t know how the other person would react.

[@muppetsrule1143]

If he was my best friend saying it, then I'd probably laugh. However, if it was my coworker, I'd think he's the AH.

[@mattblood4201]

Add to it by saying sorry for your loss

[@paytonhenrich7376]

the commenter who was basically bragging that they were working during their medical appointments really frustrates me. working that much is seriously unhealthy.

[@jackspring7709]

Absolutely right. She has turned herself into a slave.

[@lily-zg6io]

It also came off as a bit pretentious like 'how dare she not do her job when I am have SN kid, am pregnant and still work all the time'. idk it sounds like the people that brag about studying 24/7 and running on coffee and 3 hours of sleep a day

[@huinismith]

I once caught the flu from a coworker whose self-righteousness prevented them from going to the ER instead of showing up sick to spread whatever virus they had. I spent ten days in agony, asking to be pulled out of my misery. That working-class hero BS is the bane of my existence.

[@paytonhenrich7376]

@@lily-zg6io yeah it definitely came off in that way to me too. like she was proud of running herself into the ground for a job that probably doesn't give a damn about her.

[@paytonhenrich7376]

@@huinismith unsurprisingly it's also the reason that a certain disease spread so quickly in the US because people hate taking sick days and pride themselves on their perfect attendance records

[@suzieseabee]

If someone I'm working with is screwing up and it affects me then yes I will say something to them. The military told us to deal with it ourselves and only when that doesn't work to take it to a higher up.

[@zebnemma]

I had a coworker (also woman but with no kids as far as I knew) that worked with my company for about 2-3 months. She was exactly as the woman described in the post. Always on her damn phone even while working, so she was always unfocused and did so many mistakes that the rest of us had to fix. She was just plain lazy and took way too many breaks to be on her phone. A few times she spent about 1/3 of her 8 hour working day on just breaks. She barely put any work in those days, I saw it with my own eyes as I was there the entire time working alongside her. She always came into work at 7 on the dot. Mind you at my work place we leave for work at 7. We have to be at work 06.45 at the latest so that we can receive the info we need and plan what stuff to pack, what people to bring with us etc before we head out to our work places for the day. And because she arrived at 7 on the dot we always arrived late to the workplace because of her having to pack stuff and wasting time. A client told us when we arrived "you guys are pretty late aren't you" and after I told her she can't keep coming to work at 7 cuz our clients notice if we are late. Did she care? Not at all. She kept doing that up until the point she got fired. But my serious breaking point with having to work with her was when we got the simplest job possible in all of history of the universe. I explained to her exactly what she needed to do, even showed her. It was braindead easy job. But as I was explaining it to her she kept looking at her phone and not listening to what I was showing her and at that moment I was just so goddamn baffled at the sheer disrespect of this woman. I told her to listen to me cuz I don't have time to explain it to her again. About 1 week later my coworker told me I had to go back to that same place and redo a bunch of stuff that was missed. At that moment it clicked in my brain. All the things listed as "missed" was the things she was suppose to do for that day. Then I told my coworker flat out that she is unreliable lazy and just looks at her phone all the time. He told me then as response "we have heard from other people aswell saying similarly about her so I understand". And then about 1 week later she was fired. Seriously the worst coworker I have ever worked with, her just being with me on any given workday got me in trouble TWICE so I had to defend myself so I wouldn't lose my job too. I'm so sooooooooooooooo glad she's gone.

[@FigmentForever]

I get so tired of co-workers using the “I have kids” as an excuse for poor work ethic. Everyone has their own shit going on. Having kids doesn’t make your excuses more valid.

[@FoxyMomma4ever]

As a mother of two teenagers, I agree wholeheartedly!

[@GabrielleHayes1921]

I read the title story before going to bed, she said she went to HR and the Boss and they said "tough luck", they almost lost a client, she snapped, nta Edit: she also said she can't move on just now because there's not many places in her career path hiring, but the second they are she's gone

[@darkmask5933]

She's still TA because it's not her place to berate or discipline her coworkers. She is not the boss, and if the story was told from the other mother's perspective OP would probably straight up come off as the Office Karen.

[@darkmask5933]

@@i.anthony1247 no she doesn't have "every right", because she's not the boss, and while HR did not write her up the complaint is now on file, so if OP does it again, they were have a pattern of behavior. I'm not arguing that the situation does not suck for OP, but that when you work in a business you can't go over your manager's head just because you feel like you're right.

[@bobbyjay205]

@@darkmask5933 I think you have a right to tell a teammate to pick up their slack and stop making excuses. She said she didn't yell, or belttle. If that's true she's not wrong. if she is the Karen, probably has tendencies, going to the boss and HR all the time will backfire. HR doesn't care about employees. They care about the company.

[@Hanzo1]

Since when does something being a "mistake" absolve you of guilt? If I accidentally crashed my car into someones house the police wouldn't go "oh he said it was an accident all good" and drive off

[@personman8734]

Honestly I think OP is either ignorant or a even bigger asshole by far. Yes they were being unreasonable but her revenge stunt could cost her sister her career over 400$. She would have been fine if she at least warned her that she would have to sell the violin but not telling her turned her into a massive asshole. That 400 isn’t gonna mean much when it could cost her thousands.

[@crystalmorris24]

"Mistake" is reading the same energy as "its just a prank" No excuse for that. You have to own up to it.

[@Hanzo1]

@@personman8734 If someone was that flippant with destroying my property and refusing to pay for it that's all courtesy gone out the window. OPs sister wasn't even supposed to be snooping around his room much less breaking his laptop. OP can do what he wants with his property, he doesn't owe her a thing.

[@personman8734]

@@Hanzo1 ah funny how everyone makes a straw man instead of actually making a argument. I never said she couldn’t sell the damn thing for gods sake. She is a asshole for not saying shit and costing her thousands just to be petty . Not for selling her property

[@Hanzo1]

@@personman8734 My argument is that OP is not an asshole because A: the violin is OP's property and they can do whatever the hell they want with it and B: OP doesn't owe his sister a warning that he is going to sell his own violin even less so after the incident with the computer. Don't tresspass into someones room, break their property and then try to screw them over. especially if your entire college admission relies heavily on their goodwill. I think you and the word "Strawman" have some catching up to do buddy.

[@amaccoy]

If the kid is physically in school all day, he's fine, he's supervised, and he's busy at school. Why does she need to constantly be on her phone?

[@bluedragonfly8139]

Probably more fun than work. And if her coworkers are handling the work she's not doing, and no one is actually telling her to stop, or reprimanding her, then she really doesn't have much reason to.

[@carolcarol9982]

I'm sensing a golden child in that violin story.

[@nura8783]

For me story 4 is definitely NTA. I am a former band student and I find it hard to believe that the sister only found the violin missing the day of the concert but still says that the concert is the most important thing for her future. Like most, if not all, would be nervous and constantly practicing if not making sure that their instrument is working and they are confident enough before they take the stage. Furthermore she went into her sibling's room without permission, broke their laptop and refused to pay for repairs. It's her own damn fault. If she had made any payments towards the violin then I would say that op is an AH. The parents also suck for playing favourites and then blaming op while not making their own daughter learn consequences.

[@ynmonroe]

Exactly this.

[@JSainte17]

She did go to her boss AND HR. Also, what situation could you have that allows you to make massive mistake after massive mistake and everyone go, “Ohhhhh, it’s ok, sweetie, it was only a million dollar client. Go ahead and finish texting your grown husband who is apparently incompetent.”

[@vincentbrooks4518]

"Come on man, take care of your health!" No mark, if someone doesn't get to speak their mind against an employee not taking their work seriously, YOU don't get to speak your mind against someone taking their work TOO seriously. "It's a two way street." Mark. Isn't that what you said? You have no idea what's going on in their personal life, so why would you tell them they're working too hard? Again, isn't that what you said? See Mark, it works both ways, either all of it's okay, or none of it's okay.

[@PyxeledGenesis]

Terrible logic. Not doing your job at all is far different than overworking yourself. If your health is at risk or isn't a priority over your work, there's a problem. However, it's also a problem if the job you're getting paid to do *isn't being done.* Everything needs moderation, it isn't all or nothing. It's finding a good balance between laziness and burnout.

[@LoveK1]

@@PyxeledGenesis it’s really not. If you can’t comment on someone’s work ethic then that goes for ALL manners of work. It’s completely off limits or it’s not. None of this wishy washy mess.

[@PyxeledGenesis]

@@LoveK1 Unfortunately you sound like another victim of the internet, but in the real world not everything is this or that. There are gray areas to almost everything. You're certainly allowed to hold your own opinion, but in MY opinion, everything needs to be done in moderation. Too much or too little of anything is unhealthy. There's also a pretty big difference between someone's boss/employee relationship, and me giving my opinion on the right amount of work ethic online.

[@cheskydivision]

I was a single mom with two jobs and school full time. When at work do your job. This employee messing up effects everyone else's job. Op offered help if help is not needed or accepted then put down the phone.

[@nancyjay790]

I get the concept that nobody knows what is going on with the distracted employee in the first story. However, people usually say that they have a disabled kid, or when someone in their family is in distress or there's been a death. Not always, of course, but most do. And OP said she'd gone to the boss and HR more than once, with meetings or promises of doing better effectively resulting in nothing. OP is understandably frustrated, but since her office has divided opinions, I would guess a lot of people there really like the distracted employee. So... Sure, OP probably should have gone to HR again, but I would be hesitant to thump OP for a very human reaction.

[@gaxalee7392]

I think I’d prefer “that fucking sucks” over fake platitudes. I’ve lost a few people in my life and having people who don’t know/care about the deceased person saying things about prayers, sorry for your loss, they were a good person, blah blah blah made me feel worse. It doesn’t read like empathy/sympathy to me; it reads like pity. I completely understand not wanting to hear that if it’s your personal preference, but the people that say the “socially acceptable” things are going off their personal preferences just as much as Op is. As long as you aren’t blatantly dismissing their grief, there’s no right or wrong thing to say in this situation. In the violin story, “I destroyed your stuff and you sold your property that you let me use in order to pay for the repairs. Now, I can’t do things I want to do for college. Waaah, waaah.” Fuck that entitled mentality and those enabling parents.

[@barbarastorball2117]

Story 1- There is only so many times someone apologize for the same thing over and over. It sounds like Hr won't take action unless they do lose a client.

[@darkmask5933]

While that sucks, OP is not the boss. What she should do is go to her boss or HR and explain what the mom keeps doing and get it in writing or email that OP won't be held responsible if the client is lost for this reason and that she reported it. Bare minimum ESH because OP shouldn't be trying to discipline her coworkers when she has no authority.

[@mbyerly9680]

And they'll probably blame OP somehow because this woman appears to be Teflon with all her mistakes being ignored.

[@Acidfunkish]

It sucks to care for a company that doesn't care about you. If you care, you don't want to see people taking advantage, continuously, making excuses, causing losses... But... You're better off not caring that much. Especially if nobody else does, and your care isn't noticed or acknowledged. Just stop. Let her sink.

[@keplersdream901]

@@darkmask5933 You've already proven that you know jack about the working world. HR does not fire or reprimand mommies. This is universal, especially during the pandemic. The bimbo just cost the company a client; if HR and the boss won't step in, then they've shown that they'll blame the other team members to cover their asses. OP needs to change jobs ASAP.

[@darkmask5933]

@@keplersdream901 dude your amusing, but you need to take it down a notch. Are you like seeking out every comment I made? Calm down bro, it's an AITA post, it's really not that serious.

[@axepagode33626]

Story one: NTA - If she is not doing her job and you and other employees are picking up her slack, then you have every right to say what you said. If you would have said this to her earlier when she first showed signs of slacking off, she might have corrected her behavior sooner. As for going to HR, today's workers rely too much on HR for issues that one adult coworker should be able to handle with another coworker. It is like workers have devolved into preschoolers again. Who ever tells the teacher first wins. I think this is a problem.

[@fhuber7507]

1... NTA. OP stated in the beginning that its been brought up to HR and the boss with no effect. Really, its time for OP to find a company that doesn't let people get away with that woman's games.

[@kevinskidmore168]

I feel as if the “That fucking sucks guy” was valid. When I lost a family member the usual condolences did nothing but infuriate me. They felt hollow and forced and not so much what they actually thought. “That fucking sucks” would’ve meant so much more to me in the moment because it’s true. So all I can see from that story is you don’t know how the person grieving will react no matter what you say and I’d much rather people say their actual thoughts.

[@untitled-gv3qp]

I can see that too and I agree, NTA. Unfortunately I'd be the type of person to say the usual condolences because I'm socially awkward and deathly scared of saying the wrong thing and upsetting someone who's already grieving. Do people really send cards for a loss? I'd feel more insulted by recieving a card than anything written in it.

[@wendyh2708]

Honestly, if I got a bereavement card with that written on it, I'd laugh my ass off. But that's me.

[@lifeoffire9248]

Exactly. All of the 'thoughts and prayers' kind of stuff is so generic and overdone that I'm pretty sure you can buy cards that say it already and everyone who just lost someone knows that you're probably just talking. "That fucking sucks" is a lot more of a gut reaction to finding out that someone bad happened to someone and it definitely seems like they see you more as a person than just an entity that they need to be nice to.

[@doggothesavior9107]

The first story was 100% written by my mom, and that very same woman also has a child with special needs as well.

[@jinxgiz3104]

Story 4: NTA. If OP had told her sister and parents they were taking the violin to sell I doubt they would've gotten the violin back

[@twentyfiveyears5010]

Wow, Golden Child much? Tell the parents they can't get mad at you for selling the violin because you did it "by mistake."

[@personman8734]

Honestly ESH. She should have payed to get it repaired but that doesn’t excuse what OP did. I don’t doubt for a second that this was intentional. It’s one thing to take back the violin but I don’t think everyone understands how bad this could be. OP might have just cost her sister her career over 400$. The fact the she didn’t mention this just until she couldn’t do anything about it is so awful.

[@ceciasa3376]

I agree with @TwentyFive Years. Definite NTA. OP should have told her parents they should have thought of that when her sister broke her laptop. They refused to take responsibility for their mistakes, ergo they made their bed, they can lay in it.

[@reptiles3244]

@@personman8734 oh well too bad so sad

[@personman8734]

@@reptiles3244 you have the mentality of a toddler and even less understanding of the impact of actions than even a toddler

[@reptiles3244]

@@personman8734 how so? Because I understand that simply in no way is the op in the wrong? Their sister broke HIS LAPTOP and was using HIS VIOLIN. He sold HIS VIOLIN to make money for repairs to HIS LAPTOP. Nothing wrong about what o.p did at all sister should have had her own violin not using someone else's

[@virginiaherman2414]

For that bereavement card, I think the sentiment is perfect. OP could have used something other than a cuss, if trying to be inoffensive, but there's nothing better than a heartfelt sentiment to put on these kinds of cards, even -- or especially -- one so bald and raw. Even if the recipient found it a shock at first, it's very likely they'll come back later and be glad, maybe in some tiny corner of their tattered heart, that somebody just told it like it is.

[@MsTemptation]

Story 4:NTA. Your sister broke your computer so she should have paid to get it fixed. She didn't and you took back your own violin and sold it to pay for the repairs. Perhaps this will teach her to replace stuff she breaks instead of thinking that there were no consequences for her actions.

[@Mew_Mokuba_Akari]

The parents as well. If OP had went into her room without permission and tripped and landed on the violin and broke it then been Sorry, didn't mean to do that. Then said screw you I'm not paying for a new one. The parents would have been pissed that he broke it and demand he pay. But sister breaks his computer and it's yeah that sucks but what do you want us to do about that? She needs to save her money. Us? No, no no no no. We're not paying for your laptop. That's a you problem. Not ours or the sister that broke it's problem. So he did the right thing. If he had threatened to take and sell it they'd have hidden it or locked it up where he couldn't. I agree with the statement that sister is the golden child.

[@owl7072]

Story 1: Even if she's dealing with something OP doesn't know about, it caused her to screw up her work so bad that they nearly lost a major client. OP needed to say something because the boss clearly never would, and it nearly cost them big time. You shouldn't be willing to make all of your coworkers struggle and lose important clients because of your own personal issues, that's not fair to them. If something major was happening, she should have taken time off, if the boss is letting her continue her behavior at work, then there shouldn't be an issue letting her leave for emergencies, there hadn't been in the past so why not now if her child is so important that she nearly screwed over the whole company.

[@Mewse1203]

Story 1: NTA. Given all the info she has, and the bosses inability to act, she did the right thing. It may not be her job but it is affecting her job. Not only that but she showed leadership skills by talking to her. She needs to learn to put her personal life on hold while at work. I agree with Mark. Whe. You are dealing with personal business, don't work. But when you are at work, only deal with personal business if you aren't making things worse a d you absolutely have to. I'm not saying don't occasionally talk to people or deal with personal business while at work, but while you're at work, you are supposed to be focused ON WORK. That isn't happening here.

[@Helenahandbasket1971]

I stopped fixing a coworkers mess ups, we lost 4 clients including our biggest one. I was just done, she got fired and it made life much simpler. She should not have said anything, it's not her job. She should just let the mistake stand, her boss and HR should have done something sooner.

[@OmniscientlyMe]

Story 3: The generic standard condolences come across as more uncaring and insincere to the point that they typically end up irritating the grieving persons from what I've seen and experienced. It just makes it seem like everyone is focused more on not looking bad than giving a sincere response, which was sort of the OP's point.

[@drkatbun8566]

For story 4 nta, I was thinking the same thinking, so was OP supposed to risk her job/school, because neither her parents or sister wanted to pay OP to fix her laptop screen after her sister broke it? She had zero business going into OPs room, a mistake for sure but avoidable if she hadn't gone into her sister room without permission. The violin was OPs, she doesn't have to give explanations about what she's doing for her things. If the violin had belong to her sister and OP had sold it as revenge, then yeah OP would be an asshole. If OP told her parents or sister "hey I'm selling the violin to fix my laptop screen", they probably would have forbidden her from doing it. OPs parents/sister still has to pay for the screen replacement regardless.

[@pete5489]

story 1: this is what bad management results in. It's not OPs place to discipline her colleague, but she should not have to have more work and stress because of this person. We had similar situation in my last workplace and it ended up in a weekly shouting match between two of my colleagues until one of them got fired (and they fired the one who was actually working, so more work for the rest of us, yay). Soooo the management here is the biggest asshole.

[@reptiles3244]

Story 1 nta stop helping her and keep making HR reports and talking to the boss don't fix her screw ups and when she loses her job call cps

[@ashleybullard6712]

And what would CPS do exactly you know you dont lose custody of a child just because you lose your job but she should definitely do everything else you suggested

[@reptiles3244]

@@ashleybullard6712 well actually since both parents would be unemployed there would be no source of income meaning eventually they would not be able to provide a source of food and would probably be kicked out of whatever home they are in so cps likely would step in and take the child

[@ashleybullard6712]

@@reptiles3244 or she could collect unemployment, get food stamps or cash assistance or better yet find another job. you dont play around with the custody of someone child unless you think there is an actually problem that is putting the child in harm's way. Also who said the dad wasnt collecting disability or had another form of income?

[@madcatlady]

unfortunately HR often protects the lazy ones and hard workers get in trouble because they actually don't give a shit just want stuff to run smoothly, you just have to do your job and not concern yourself with others.

[@H.P._Lovecrafts_Beloved_Cat]

Story 1: NTA. I understand that things are bad for people right now, but she is working as part of a team. Her actions and mistakes don’t just affect her, but the company, her bosses, and her coworkers. Occasionally being late or making a few mistakes is okay, but when it’s become a frequent issue, something needs to change. And this might sound like wild idea, but if your circumstances prevent you from doing your job, maybe you need to find a different job.

[@vengeance4927]

Story 3... I kinda dealt with something similar recently. I started working 3rd shifts about 3-4 weeks ago, and 2 weeks ago, a regular I never met died. One of my coworkers was very close to him, but I wasn't, and I generally didn't know how to handle it. That being said, YTA. Not everyone is like OP and saying that to someone who lost his WIFE would just make it hurt worse.

[@Spooky.Pookie]

Story 2: The awkward moment when your adopted parents names are Mary and Chuck. LOL

[@ShatoraDragondore]

Story 4: I was raised with the rule of accident or not You Pay when You Brake someone's thing. But Like OP it was always a one way rule, Me paying, despite not having much in allowance and, not being allowed a job till almost the end of high school. But my brother getting away with not having to because the broken thing was to expensive (my laptop by downloading so many viruses for his myspace page. He fried every thing and i lost a lot of final essays) or my fault somehow to expect him to have to pay.

[@lisachristoph437]

Story1, if OP and the coworker are equal stop fixing her mistakes.

[@violetsuwu]

Came at a perfect time! Was looking for a reddit video to watch, woo hoo!

[@thegigglygal5265]

I was looking for a reddit video too lol.

[@awesomekittyzombie]

Hey Mark! This is completely unrelated to the topic in the video, but i wanted to tell you THANK YOU for your amazing videos. I had to get an MRI last night for my knee and although im not afraid of tight spaces and wasnt really nervous, having your voice as my "music" while the MRI was making all those loud sounds was comforting and really helped me stay still. I usually watch your videos when im working on art work, but yesterday it was for that MRI!! Your videos are always very wholesome, and i thought it was hilarious how you tried to pronounce "Floridans" with last nights videos. Thanks for the amazing work you do!!

[@oh.aces64]

Story 4: NTA, you don't need to inform someone that you are selling your property. The sister shouldn't have been in the room in the first place.

[@jennyknopps1291]

Exactly, the little sister caused her own debt by refusing to pay OP the $400 to fix the laptop.

[@iwantsifegold]

NTA is your violin 🎻 is on your parents to either fix your laptop or let you sell your violin.

[@stephenlundy5082]

Story 1: OP is NTA. This woman's screwups are costing the company money. Not just the money from dissatisfied customers, but the money spent having to do jobs twice. Not to mention a lot of fixing would be at the last minute causing co-workers to work late, and fall behind on their own work. What's going to happen is that eventually upper management is going to look at the hours spent, vs product delivered and customer satisfaction. Then they are going to take the hatchet and start cutting people, and since the "Mom" who's causing these issues is so vocal, she will be the last one to be cut. So in effect, this woman is threatening everyone else's job. As for getting "HR" to discipline her, well everyone seems to forget what the true role of HR is. HR exists to protect the company first and foremost. They exist to interact with the employees enough so that the employees don't all quit. HR will hesitate fire a struggling Mom, because that looks bad on the company. You seem you think she's playing the Mom card, but in reality she's playing the victim card. But HR will fire a squeaky wheel, which is what OP is. OP may have 3 kids as a single mom, but like she says, she's handling it. No victim card here, just someone who is harassing a victim. The best way to handle this, is to not help this woman when she screws up. Let her fail, and fail hard, the more everyone scrambles to make up for this woman's poor work ethic, the more the target shifts to the entire department rather that just the screwup.

[@barbarastorball2117]

Story 4- nta it was op violin they were letting the sister use it. They gave the sister the opportunity to fix the screen that they broke. Maybe the sister needs to pay for her own violin now.

[@strangastrigo]

"That fucking sucks" sounds appropriate to me but I think it depends on the personality of the person receiving the card - he needs that guys opinion. Generic condolences are hollow. At least his was a heartfelt response, probably the only one.

[@jessienuchols9914]

I agree.

[@crem-crem4070]

KZbin: 0 views and 4 comments Go home KZbin, you’re drunk.

[@Tingling10]

Views don’t count until someone finished the video. People can comment before finishing it.

[@PowerStar004]

Actually, views count after 30 seconds. You don't need to watch the entire video unless it's shorter than 30 seconds. But you can comment before watching 30 seconds.

[@louellacharlton4425]

NTA when my partner passed I would have preferred everyone to say " that fucking sucks" than the generic term prayers r with u!

[@mirandanils5114]

Story 1: I work at an office and we have a secretary like that. it’s so annoying and our bosses are too nice to say anything and nothing improves.

[@mariannecormier3021]

#1 most practical approach...go by the needs of the day...if the kid/kids are in need, stay home and focus on being a parent and if the kid/kids are okay...go to work and focus on being an employee

[@PowerStar004]

Story 1: NTA If your boss tells you to work harder, well, it's your boss's job to tell you that and thus you might not take it seriously, surely they say that to everybody? But hearing it from a coworker who is NOT paid to tell you that make make you actually rethink your actions. Story 2: NTA Asking uncomfortable questions is the point of a game like this. I'm sure some of those other questions were intentionally aimed at him. In the context of playing a game like this, OP did nothing wrong. Story 3: NAH I'm going under the assumption that neither the crowd nor the OP knows specifically what the bartender would want, and they all put what would naturally occurred to them. I get that simply the word "fucking" might bother the crowd, but the OP didn't pick it to be rude, that's just how he talks. Story 4: ESH Sister is defiantly TA for breaking the screen and making no effort to replace it. Even if she can't do it NOW, there is no mention of her trying to pay it back later on. Having said that, I agree with Mark's original assessment - it feels like the violin sale was done out of spite.

[@canadalovesanime3137]

story 1: I hate people who use "family" as an excuse for not pulling their own weight. Millions of people have kids to care for. They also know that if they want to continue caring for them, they have to do the job that pays them. NTA story 4: "Oh; she broke your expense electronics, and you can't afford to fix it? She was in your room without permission? No sorry; she doesn't have to pay for HER 'mistake'. Just get a cheap one. How dare you ruin HER chance for her performances." Sounds like sister is the golden child who can do no wrong. OP just took back what they lent. It was OP's violin to sell, since mummy and daddy didn't care about OP's needs. If this was someone else(not family) would the parents refuse to pay, or would THEY pay to save sister's "hard earned money"? That girl is going to be in for a surprise when the real world gets it's hands on her. If you break it, you pay to fix it. NTA

[@goneracing1646]

LOL man tap-dancing on a landmine: "I didn't plant this landmine! Oh no! Why has it exploded!?"

[@jenniferg2771]

In the us, the culture of most workplaces ranks above that if your family. You can be fired at any time for any reason. Employers have no loyalty to their workers. There is very little protection if there is a legit health problem. I miss unions.

[@spanky814]

The thing with the first story is, when you work with a company with HR, they have procedures they follow for reprimands. They might have just been putting marks down to work through a verbal, written reprimand, etc. I'm super sus as well. It seems like its pretty common for people who are mediocre to find the slowest or worst person to pick apart to make themselves look good. While most of the best workers don't care because once you've worked somewhere for five years or so you know to expect one or two iffy people on a team and it's just par for the course, and also they are too busy on their own work to obsess over another person's mistake. You just let your boss know and carry on. 🙄 I've worked in the same job for 8 yrs and I've just seen way too many people like this to not question op.

[@teacheschem]

Bereavement card- I personally would appreciate “That f-ing sucks”

[@SilentDecepticon]

I feel bad for the OP in the last story. His parents obviously favour the sister while dumping on him. He was in the right to sell his violin to cover the damage that she did. If she needs an instrument that badly, she can buy it herself, or the parents can buy it for their golden child. She’ll be in for a shock when she gets out into the real world and people expect her to take responsibility for her “mistakes”.

[@teacheschem]

Story 1: OP should have let the company lose the client for her mistake and then thrown her under the bus. Highly likely she would have been reprimanded or fired and solved the problem.

[@joimumu]

The problem is that the odds are they would fire someone who doesn’t have kids

[@scousemouse9566]

Story 4, NTA, she broke it, she should have to gix it. Loved the video Mark, thanks

[@kudoro1357]

The last story about the laptop and violin just makes me wonder, what if the sister had gone into a store and broke one of their laptops? She would have to pay no matter what, there's no "Well it was just a mistake so everyone will just let it go" the store would have her arrested if she tried to leave without paying for property she damaged or destroyed. The sister and the parents were absolutely trying to take advantage of OP being family to get out of trouble and honestly why wouldn't the parents pay for it if the sister needed her own savings for college? Greedy and Selfish people in that family and honestly if I were OP I would've just called the police over it, $400 can be a lot of money and the sister should be held accountable for her actions. (Would've taken the violin too)

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Whoever is reading this i send hugs and great vibes. Drink water, eat food, nap, take a break, take care of yourself gosh darn it. And if you don't I swear I will find you and keep you in a cottage and take care of you. 🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜

[@HighPhoenix1754]

)_) promises promises.

[@Y4ZYAZ]

Dang 83 hearts from king waffle

[@carolroberts4614]

Are you still flutin' tootin'?

[@louellacharlton4425]

Tyvm much appreciated.

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

@@carolroberts4614 ye

[@healing_and_humor4530]

That violin story was practically a pro revenge story...though the OP isn't calling it revenge.

[@PrincessJade74]

I think I'd still prefer 'That fucking sucks' over 'Oh well these things happen'!

[@Takeoverartist1987]

Story 1: seems many people have only ever worked a job that pays you to show up and that’s it. Based on “ we almost lost the client” I’d say they are sales and make commissions. Meaning her being an absolutely worthless employee was coming close to costing the others money and if you’re costing me money and the boss won’t do anything. You can bet your ass I’m going to say something

[@WolframKKM]

Story 1: The coworker, the boss and HR are all not doing their jobs. Not really surprising they're willing to put up with incompetence when their own work ethic sucks too. Story 4: I would tell the parents that sister is still not off the hook for the money because you sold your own property to make up the damages. They owe you an apology for prioritizing her education over yours and damaging your relationship with the entire family by playing favourites instead of parenting.

[@riceracm]

20:14 I agree the sister may have tried to hide the violin, so the only thing I would have done differently would be to _first_ secretly take the violin back, _then_ I would say something along the lines of, “Alright, if you won’t pay to have my screen fixed, then I guess I’ll just have to sell that violin I’m letting you borrow.” Then with that leverage, and a “fair” warning, give the sister *ONE* last chance to do what she should have done from the start, _pay for her mistakes._ Doing it this way, would give OP the ultimate high road status if she then has to sell the violin...🤷‍♀️🤷‍♂️

[@annac777]

1st story: I don't blame OP, but she really wasn't the right person to have that talk with the bad employee. I've always been had the thinking: if something bothers you, you take it to your direct boss, if it doesn't work just keep escalating, someone is bound to listen at some point. Stil she's NTA in my opinion

[@heatherdickau5335]

The first story - Op needs to let her fail. If they lose a client because of her. That is on her and the boss.

[@barbarastorball2117]

Esh in story 2 Op did not know that his question would have been chosen for Mary and her husband's turn. It sounds like Mary and husband are still dealing the fall out of their marriage.

[@Latchkeyclown]

Exactly, they already do outrageous questions. Wording could've been better since it sounds like Op decided to be tactless

[@joimumu]

If we could see all the questions that day I bet at least 2 more questions would have reminded them of the cheating

[@mrjohnthedestroyer]

I love jobs that you have to sign in & out. The Boss & HR always knows who comes in late or leaves early. Having kids is a personal problem

[@sianchild]

You're so right on the workers rights and work life balance. The woman in the story was wrong to not pull her weight, but the commenters are also wrong to think that you should live to work rather than work to live.

[@janicewilcox8590]

I would rather a heartfelt "that f"ing sucks" than a generic "sorry for your loss". Let me rephrase, I have personally preferred when people said that f'ing suck when my Mama passed than just sorry for your loss. Because it does f'ing suck. Granted I'm also one of the people who doesn't know what to say so sometimes fall back on sorry for your loss.

[@Ajedhunt]

Problem is this isn't something OP said in the story, he signed it, and writing it doesn't convey the way OP would say it to the person reading it. It let's the reader interpret it and this is where it gets tricky if you don't know the person this type of comment can easily be interpreted the wrong way as opposed to something more generic. Now if it's was something said in person that really conveys how OP feels I would say it is appropriate, but I wouldn't chance it in writing unless the grieving person really knew me so there wouldn't be a chance to misinterpret.

[@janicewilcox8590]

@@Ajedhunt I agree and disagree lol

[@reapuout]

Story 4: NTA or Justified AH. mostly likely, if he said that he was going to sell the violin. Then parents would said no and they try to gaslight him that it was his fault that he put the laptop at a compromising position. So the daughter wouldn't be at fault. Either way there would be a lot of yelling and fighting. Parents should pay for it because she went into his room without his permission that caused the broken laptop. This just escalated because the parents just favor their daughter more. He did the right decision of not telling anyone of selling it. Especially, how the reacted to how they dismissed the whole situation and mostly didn't care if it affected op.

[@niekun8206]

I hate the idea of "It was a mistake so they don't need to pay you." "They shouldn't be out this money because it was a mistake." But their mistake should cost ME money? What.

[@evilannie8884]

had a manager say that they broke their leg once and still came to work BEFORE SEEING A DOCTOR. yeah. unhealthy work relationship =/= dedication

[@sx5r]

last story, NTA. If you destroy someone else's property, you replace it, period. I cannot wrap my head around why people even discuss that (as well as being without insurance ... this is one of the most basic things to ensure) It's not like the sister and parents had no alternative even afterwards. They simply were too cheap to pitch in for either the laptop or another violin. Since the sister admittedly had the money, they have no leg to stand on accusing OP of sabotaging sisters college. The only thing sister had no way to avoid was the missed very first concert, everything after that was avoidable.

[@kaym1040]

Thank you for going off at that comment on story 1!!! I totally disagreed with that. It’s cool that you did that, but it shouldn’t be encouraged and you should give yourself a break once in a while. My mom had HG when pregnant with twins, it was rough. She needed more break time than any of her other pregnancies and couldn’t take much due to single parenthood (dad in and out of jail for child support to ex, it wasn’t fun lol.) Your body NEEDS to be able to relax and recover and most people who are pregnant don’t want to have to go to work while getting medical treatment pregnant with twins. You shouldn’t try and base anything off of that because OP, that’s ridiculous and insane. You can take a few hours off and go back when you’re done. Or, and hear me out because I know this is just crazy talk- TAKE A DAY OFF. Or even HALF a day, holy crap. Thanks Mark! Have a great day everyone!

[@amywilson9591]

There are automated responses to loss. Writing “that sucks” is just cold. It can be taken as invalidating as if a food you wanted was sold out or something trivial

[@CalamityM]

Since the OP keeps going on about "I've been in that situation and that's what I'd want to hear" he should've put "Knowing how it feels to lose a loved one, that fucking sucks, man. Make sure you keep talking to friends and family, it helps." Not just something that _sounds_ like "sucks to be you"

[@thebirdchannelforfans623]

1st story: NTA. I’d rather have a coworker talk to me before going to HR if there’s an issue with my performance. It would prevent me getting into trouble but also inform me there’s an issue. And she may think it’s an issue that’s bothering just HR and not the people around her so it may be good the OP said something directly

[@ellellim]

story 3, I'm with OP! its hers/his sentiments. I`m an atheist, if I got a card with: "i'm praying for xx's soul." Id roll my eyes and ignore it . it was a card full of different messages, one is bound to be annoying and one to be remarkable, or all to be just someone else's words.

[@GreenKnight1982]

My guess for the reason the boss isn't doing anything and probably persuading HR not to do anything is she's probably sleeping with the boss

[@RhonyLynn]

The first story... NOT THE A HOLE! I love kids & I’m currently working towards becoming a teacher. That said, I’ve worked in a job where a coworker always expected me or other co workers to give up days off or “better hours” because “she has kids”. She’d never officially ask for a change to her availability, just expect the others in our department to change hours whenever she wanted because, “my kids...”. Even if you told her you already had commitments for those times. She’d keep harassing you until you either gave in, or the day/time came & went... & if you hadn’t given her your hours, you heard snarky comments for weeks about what her kids missed out on because she had to work. We finally all started answering this with, “guess next time your kids have plans, you’ll make proper arrangements with the boss, right?”... from then on, she just glared.

[@Ninjasw-wl3jg]

I love the new background! Great as always mark 😃

[@FoxValley123]

Alright. You know what! My mom was a single mom who has three damn children! She worked full time and put herself through damn school! She didn't use the excuse of us unless we where sicker than hell. Such as when I had the flu and couldn't even physically get up! She had to call off of work and school because I was so sick. Other than that she never used me and my siblings as an excuse.

[@randomaccount-dq1jq]

Story 3, NTA and I would not be surprised if he was raised in the North of the UK.

[@indiashante1560]

Whether it was an accident or not you pay for it. The parents and the sister are AH for not attempting to compensate OP. The sister could buy or rent a violin. NTA

[@autumngarcia7562]

first story NTA my mom was a single mom raising three kids on minimum wage with no child support or any government assistance and she never missed work or took a day off even when she didn't have a car. This woman is just using her kid as an excuse.

[@Claire8483]

First story: NTA. HR and the bosses should be doing something about it or at least telling OP and the other colleagues something is going on even if they don't provide any details so they can understand why she has different hours, etc. I don't blame OP for saying something if nothing has been done multiple times and it is affecting their and others workloads

[@DarkAngel65989]

Story 1:OP is not the ah, that coworker is just an excuse to get out doing a lot work. An excuse that can't be use an excuse since as OP state 80% of the worker have kids. OP should start acting like for a bit to see what and see if their a double standard and what is with the boss on this. Story 2:OP is the ah, OP knew of their situation and should come up with a another queation for this, OP did it on purpose and double down on it to make him feel that he isnt in the wrong. Story 3:OP is the ah, jeezes crisi that's crazy, that so insentivtie, everyone is different and OP should just kept his mouth shut ans just wrote sorry for loss and that it. Story 4: OP is not the ah. The sister is the ah because the sister for breaking the laptop and for going into OP's room, the parent and the sister for not offering to pay to get the laptop fix.OP is a bit of an ah but mostly not the ah. even though it was her and she was lending it to the sister she should of warn the sister and parent and it did sabatoge the sister but that's the conquences the sister need to accept.

[@medafan53]

Story 1: OP has gone through the proper channels, neither boss nor HR have bothered to do anything about it, and you don't exist in a vacuum; the chances are that if the co worker f**ks up, OP, and all the other co-workers will suffer from it as much as she will, so if the official channels prioritize 1 employee over everyone else, then steps have to be taken. If OP was childless there would be the argument that they don't understand the pressure, but they aren't, they know, and they can handle it. NTA

[@JasperCatProductions]

I agree that this is a boss issue, of course if she can just 1/2 ass it she will. The boss needs to fire her but they don’t. So yeah it’s an excuse that works for her. Kids is not an excuse, do your work or fire them.

[@ettinakitten5047]

Story 3 - To be fair to OP, some people would be much more bothered by the standard socially accepted platitudes, especially something religious like "prayers are with your family" when you don't know the person's beliefs. I don't think OP's response was any worse than those platitudes, and it has the potential to be a whole lot better.

[@n3rdv10l3nc3]

"That fucking sucks." Seems like the only real & honest condolence, to me. I think OP in that story is right & NTA, but then again, when my mom was dying she joked that she wanted me to throw her ashes on the face of her enemies so I admit I & mine have a very blunt, no-holds-barred approach to personal loss.

[@TsukiKageTora]

Story 1: NTA. OP shouldn’t have yelled but she did go to her boss and HR and they didn’t do shit about it. This lady, no matter the situation, is just sitting there barely doing work and making bad mistakes that are going to lose clients while sitting on her ass all day and texting her husband about their kid. Nope. Next time she makes a mistake, OP should bite her tongue, and tell everyone else to bite theirs because it’s likely that the mother is riding the bandwagon of “my employees solved my mistakes and I’m taking credit for it”. So HR and the boss don’t do anything about it because to them “she does her job”.