Avoiding the Toxic & Cultivating Healthy Female Friendships | To My Sisters, The Podcast

[@EmpressMoxie]

I cried watching this because I realized I’m the friend who is scared to be vulnerable for God knows what reason 🥺 I’ll work on it

[@jmelanierenee]

Hugs, girl 🤗

[@ThokoTwala]

If we’re being honest a lot of woman, especially black woman, have given so much of themselves in other areas that they have nothing to give in friendships. Also friends are very influential in the decisions you make, sometimes you do need time apart from friends to find yourself & your identity. I think once you have gone through that season of finding who you are, then you can attract people who agree or align with that.

[@co_7523]

I agree. I've taken a step back from friendships to focus on myself and develop my true identity. 💕

[@harriet6586]

@@co_7523 same, going through that now Nd Icl I feel so much happier in my self and honesty the best decision I've ever made for myself. 💕

[@brownsugarbayb]

This!

[@CoolKhris123]

I love how you said that there's people who see their friends as accessories because I've been friend with people that wanted me to be a good friend to them but they didn't care to be one for me in return. They see friends as people to serve their needs and thats why there's friendships out there that are purely transactional and not genuine

[@ritaevergreen7234]

Thank you for saying this. People don’t talk about how there can be unhealthy dynamics in friendships that are very similar in the way people talk about toxic dating. I’ve only had a good friendship that was when I was in kindergarten and first grade. It’s truly heartbreaking realizing that most friendships felt like it was one sided at times throughout my childhood.

[@Ohh4udumn]

My bf and his friends have been friends for years, they have fun with their common interests (video games, sports, etc). They are there to help each other out if needed. I really want my own version of this. A lot of my friendships have become a circle for trauma bonding. These days, I just want to laugh and have fun with people.

[@ZoeysMusings]

I rebuke being held hostage by friends in 2021 😂🙅🏽‍♀️ A good sister is intentional in everything she does with respects to your relationship, i.e.supportive, cheering for you to succeed in life, vulnerability, accountability partner, counselor, growing with you and respectful of your growth, willing to correct you lovingly and firmly when needed etc. You need to be the friend you want to have. Sisterhood is beautiful when we're all on the same level and working on becoming our best selves. We can't have survived the pandemic to be holding onto and justifying toxic relationships. There are wholesome people who will see you and root for you genuinely, sis! Love this discussion, ladies 😌

[@vanessascorner728]

100% agree with all of this

[@jackiek4159]

Amen to all of this sis! 🙌🏻

[@bangibabs]

Spot on💯💯💯💯

[@IamDebi]

This video was really uncomfortable to watch lol I feel like crying cos I’ve really been struggling with friendships the past year and I’m at a point where I just don’t want any. I feel like nobody wants to form an actual sisterhood with me, they just want a friend to dress up and go brunch with or someone to offload all their troubles on. I’ve been silent about how I feel cos I thought people would change and i think it’s now lead to a built resentment and now I’m past the point of wanting to sort it out with them lol. Why should I have to tell people to put in effort... Don’t mind me just venting in the comments lmao

[@udemeaffia8964]

“I wish you a Sisterhood that brings you happiness in your heart”.

[@___Neona]

I hope you find your tribe sis🕯

[@angieinthecity]

Listen, what you said is valid. There's no right way about it. If you are able to have a conversation it can show you if they're willing to make the change. Sometimes if we don't voice things it leads to pent up emotions that the other person may not even be aware of. Sometimes it's a misunderstanding. Either way, do you and protect your energy✌

[@shalomk2.5]

I totally understand you sis, I’m also at the point where I don’t want anymore friends, I’m just tired emotionally and physically ! 2020 I was really pissed, but 2021 I’ve found myself doing little to no efforts to keep my friendship, I’m kinda over it !

[@TerikaChantal]

I feel this!!! Sometimes Ppl actually don’t stop to think of what qualities they need.. to be a good friend to someone else.

[@dawn2daylightmadness]

It’s really hard to find female friends with good intentions 😔

[@harriet6586]

Not necessarily good intentions but the rifht ones for you. Everyone have good intentions but only show it to the right ones for them. Hope u find ur tribe sis💕

[@Beautyasintended_]

Honestly, I’ve been having a tough time in friendships for years, I’m the friend they dump their problems on, ask me for my advice but as soon as it’s counterproductive to what they want to hear, it’s me being ‘judgmental’. I think nowadays women put more emphasis on romantic relationships and don’t know how to be genuine friends to other women. As I’m growing with Christ, it’s becoming even harder finding friends I want to be around because I feel like every conversation consist on how to get man, what men are doing and aren’t doing and I’m kind of tired. I have been intentional on working on myself in this season of singleness and I really at this point don’t want any friends, because it becomes painful for me in the end. I’m always trying to save someone and I finally realized that all this time I’ve been drowning trying to prevent people from being hurt. Please pray for me! I’m moving to a new state and I really believe it’s God ordained; it reminds me of the scripture when Jesus talked to the disciples about people who wouldn’t listen to them, he literally told them to walk to the next town. And that’s what they’re doing, I’m ready to be surrounded by people who just get it.

[@Lucylu723]

45:25 Sister Courtney your emphasis on establishing a friendship with your partner before a romantic relationship is spot on. There are so many people in this world that will say no to being satisfied in their relationship, if their relationship was based on no form of physical contact. There is something about being physically intimate with someone inclusive of kissing, hugging, sex etc that clouds the judgement of our minds and make us act on impulse instead of rationale, hence why you may "physically" feel romantically in love with someone and not platonically in love with someone. It's important to first establish a platonic relationship and then progress to becoming more physically initmate, after determining with a clear mind (without physical relation) that you genuinely are infatuated by the person as they're and not for their body.

[@jackiek4159]

Realising that I've had SO many toxic friendships through this vid and life is soo much better without them! God will bring in the right friendships for you ladies, keep the faith and always be the friend that you wish you would have! Loved this vid! 🙏🏻💞

[@kiponee3057]

I do have a bit of social awkwardness bc I don’t know like how to really get to know a person? Like I always second guess myself with questions that I’m allowed to ask bc I don’t want to offend people or make them sad

[@thevisualboard]

A reminder: you can find ‘sisterhood’ at any age✨Great podcast ladies

[@MADMDIZZ]

I love this😩. I’m definitely in need of more female friendships, my best friend of 10+ years lives so far I love her to death but I miss having that energy around me.

[@ReeRee_Donita]

Came in timely fashion. I’ve recently been contemplating one of my female friendships, actually. But I agree that nobody can hold you accountable like another woman. A man’s disposition to hold you accountable is laced with a rebuke that compels you to submit. A woman’s however is laced with a rebuke that is maternalistic, and because we’re collectively so emotionally similar, there’s an inherent cherishable factor there. When a man speaks to me in a language I understand, it goes to my head. When a woman speaks to me in the same language, it goes to my heart.

[@kathryngateswhitaker3324]

Omg woke up to this, my morning couldn’t get better. Going to go ahead a clean my whole apartment now while listening to this gold ❤️

[@chrissyp5141]

I recently lost my best friend someone that considered me like her sister. I’ve always tried hard to mend our friendship but she decided we shouldn’t be friends and I didn’t even question it, I just left it alone. Now I have no friends but I’m okay with that. I probably wasn’t the best friend but I know I was a good person to her 🤷🏽‍♀️

[@hellotokki839]

I had this friend who was so quick to call people "fake" when she was the worst of them all. It was hard to see because she came to me for advice so many times and was sweet. But what rubbed me the wrong way was, how if she kept gossiping about everyone she was close with. After a while I wondered if she talked about me behind my back as well. I gave and gave to this friend and she took and took. Eventually I broke contact because she disappointed me. I found out she was talking badly about me as well. I vowed to myself to stay away from people who gossip about friends.

[@comelyshe4772]

I think I’m struggling with me evolving as a person so much to the point , I can’t relate with them anymore . but not being as trusting of friends now because they’ve done hurtful things . And If I’m honest , so have I . I’m holding onto the history for the sake of it just being “history” . I guess Im afraid to start fresh with women more on my path .

[@meganomare]

I felt dragged throughout this entire coversation. It's like you ladies were watching my life and making real life commentary but to be honest I am so glad you talked about this in detail and I hope I am able to work on myself to ensure I cultivate more positive friendships. God bless you ladies, sending all the love from Nairobi.

[@TrixTasha]

This is such an important conversation. I am so thankful to have friends who I consider as sisters and it makes me so sad that so many people do not have that kind of support system, but a lot of people do not like to put in the work to maintain a good friendship! Great video as always

[@ritaevergreen7234]

I also want to add that I feel if you’re a person of color that making friends seems more difficult at times because of cultural expectations. It’s like an extra added layer outside of what non POC would have to go through.

[@brownsugarbayb]

I lack a lot of trust in friendships cause many of the long time people in my life have proven to be people who just backstab or focus on one-upping each other rather than being truly supportive. Being around the same place and people since birth it's possible I've never really experienced true friendship.

[@ThatsSoNicole]

It’s the respect each other’s boundaries for me! Whewwww please and thank you! Thank you for having this conversation sisters, because whewww, it’s needed!!!

[@anzorisly]

This video came right on time for me. I have a dilema on how to balance and set boundaries with my close friend when I have a family and a husband that also want my time and attention. I believe it’s healthy to make time for friends even when we are married, however this particular friend often wants to hang out and I often have to say no because I’m genuinely busy with my family (I work full time and have two kids and a husband, I also like to exercise so that’s another priority). Like don’t get me wrong I want to hang out but I can’t do it so often, I have responsibilities and priorities and my friend is one but idk how to tell her I can’t hang out as if I was single like her..

[@nobukhosih8989]

The way you said it here seems a perfectly reasonable way to put it. If you kindly explain all the extra responsibilities you have,a loving friend should understand.Perhaps suggest ways of meeting her that are alsp productive e.g. invite her to the gym with you

[@jadorejoiexo]

I enjoyed this too much! Love how excellent you guys are - in communication, in conduct and in the conversation. All the points were so on point, and show so much depth, maturity and intellect. Love to see it and I learned a lot :)

[@jessicambanda555]

You’re in my business...don’t do that 😩😭 the way this episode has dragged me

[@heyhellohi_]

New subscriber here! I needeeees this. Love this channel!

[@mynameisess]

Someone 👏🏾 needed 👏🏾 to 👏🏾 say 👏🏾 it

[@___Neona]

I'm sure I've watched this 10 times . Every single time I encounter a challenge , I find myself here . And guess what? I still be learning something new each time . Thank youuuuu for the wisdom sisters . ❤

[@SumaH]

Loved this episode! Especially when Courtney spoke about the importance of not giving up on a friend because it’s such a life changing thing and the part about having boundaries👏🏾. I truly believe that, it’s difficult to hold down a friendship/sisterhood but I think it all boils down to caring, wanting/making a choice to be in it for the long run and transparency💕

[@eternitysafro1083]

Lately I been thinking about how I can approve as a friend and what I am doing good. Will speak to my therapist about this and speak to my friends about this. Very important.

[@destinynkechi3053]

You guys are such exceptional examples! Your opinions/duscussions are refreshing. I'm here for it, thank you🙌💃🏾

[@AuChocolatNoir]

This was a beautiful Conversation. I wanted to recommend Big little Lies to you if you haven't seen it yet. You were talking about how rarely we get to see deep, complex and beautiful female Friendships in Media and I had to think of this Show. It has become my favorite Tv Show and is by far the best Representation of Women in any TV Series or Movie I have ever seen. I think you two would love it :)

[@photinisociety]

Wow... This is the first time I've heard my belief that friendships aren't secondary to romantic relationships echoed. Here, I've consistently found that women just don't want to put the work into friendship, don't value friendship in the same way. There have been points in my life where I have begged other women to make time to grow out friendships. Plenty of times when I've been left in the dust after they find partners or spending time with me is seen as heavy baggage because, they already have a partner. Now. For a long time I believed I just would never have fulfilling friendships. And then I realized that I was subconsciously feeding that "mami will never spend time with me, mami regrets having me". I was choosing to chase those fake or shallow friendships where, the friend would appear when they wanted to, and never when I needed them. However..... being completely honest, its just a fact that there's a lot of individualism and self-obsession culturally rampant today (I can speak only for Puerto Rico here and the USA since we're influenced by them). So I do believe this may be a nature and nurture situation. Anyway, Thank you so much for this video.

[@shatabhisha8977]

Love you sis!!

[@___Neona]

Omggggg I'd love for you two to cover male friendships with female friendships!!!!!!

[@kengymartinez9604]

This was everything ladies! Thank youuuuuu

[@lovesings2us]

Thank you both so much for this wonderful, wise talk! Listening to this, I feel beautifully nourished and freed from stress as I say good-bye to a former woman friend whose put downs I decided I really don't need. Also, thanks to your video, I have a definite feeling my blood pressure went down a bit which is always a good thing, for me. You both helped mend my broken trust - my storm-tossed hope - that healthy friendship is possible for me, as long as I stay honest and caring, and do the work.

[@masterl14]

You two are so wise!! Thank God for your lives!

[@rispahwalumbe6141]

You guys are the absolute best!!!!! I'm here for Renee's mixtape!

[@S__marieee]

What people say behind your back is how they really feel about you. How they speak of others in your presence is how they feel about you too. It’s the little things in life that reveal peoples’ character.

[@kiponee3057]

I love this. It always makes me so sad when women say they do not like other women. At the end of the day we only have each other that will stand up for one another and that includes trans women. Protect each other ♥️

[@brownsugarbayb]

I love when Renee says Bruh! 😂😂

[@kianalaboriel6595]

I had a toxic best friend in the past. She didn't want me to hang out with other people LMAO just me and her which was strange 💀 now I have good friends in my circle that don't be jealous and just being support for one another ❤ sisterhood tings

[@lizd6886]

The brotherhood episode is something I've been praying you do! Please we need that episode SOONNNN!!!

[@Lucylu723]

Can we have a podcast on brotherhood from a sisters perspective please!

[@ifesjournal]

absolutely love this, God bless you two ❤️

[@angieinthecity]

I've had a friendship I slowly had to let go of because every time a guy would be around and I even speak she would try to knock me down a peg, even though I'm just having conversation. When there's no men around we were cool asf, as soon as there was the male gaze she would act different and put me down. I couldn't put my finger on it at first because I was about 19 at the time but I was like.....something ain't right here and I want no parts of this. Other women grill me sometimes too. Don't be made because I can look good, have good humor and have many fields of interest besides my looks, material possessions and if my edges laid 😬oop🙊

[@marilyn_warrior]

My female friendships are not encouraging....I think I'm a good fruend but when it's only one's effort bye I'm gone...I stop caring

[@annejohnson397]

God bless you guysssssss! every podcast is insightful and I lav ittttttttttt

[@tomysisters]

We lav to see ittttttt - glad you're enjoying boo! ❤️

[@jainabachune7587]

I also just started watching desperate housewives too and I love it!!!

[@blueandgreen4799]

Agree we should just move on

[@imahndionne4267]

Incredible conversation! ❤️❤️👑

[@ellejefferson7224]

About Friendship I always honest with my Best friends we never talk each other more because I have to Save each other don’t leave each other the way talk about your friends How my Feelings I lose my Best Friends We try help

[@naureenmutakwa7796]

This here is word‼️🤧

[@NascentAudrey]

this was so good.

[@NascentAudrey]

WOOOOOW THOSE LAST TWENTY MINUTES THO!

[@neosekano9936]

Only facts ! 🙇🏿‍♀️

[@teresiawakairu7595]

So good 👯

[@gloriakanani1026]

Kidnap😩😩😂😂😂hectic

[@neosekano9936]

🥺❤️