Toxic Female Friendships: Cliques, Baddies & Being the Toxic One.

[@yanikeonpurpose]

As a woman in my late 30s, I refuse to entertain women in my life who want to use me to make their instagram look active. Women that want someone to travel with, go out with etc, purely for the gram. No ma’am. No ma’am ✋🏾

[@tomysisters]

You are absolutely right! Not around these sides!

[@MightyIntellectual]

This is so good! I'd never even thought about the "aesthetic" appeal for friendships. This is so interesting lol

[@Chelsd_]

Same! Definitely agree!

[@hellotokki839]

Very true! Me and my close friend are both content creators. But we went from filming and taking pictures to most of our meetups being full of deep talks and encouraging words to one another and only taking pictures on the side. True friends gravitate differently and treasure each other.

[@TroubleWorld]

Right

[@washdaytalkz]

‘Everyone’s trophy doesn’t look like yours’ - Straight facts

[@kuki1053]

I don't think I understood what Courtney meant here, could you explain it a little bit?

[@washdaytalkz]

@@kuki1053 I think she meant that everyone’s version of success is different so don’t impose your own interpretations of life/beauty/friends … onto others - that’s what I took from it

[@margaretmashita6873]

Felt that in my soul

[@nomahlubithunyiswa2761]

Those friendships you don't meet the aesthetics but when real-life problems hit them, you're the first person they contact for advice. We can't be just withdrawing, we must deposit as well.

[@houseofgolde]

Growing up I never claimed friends, I always watched their actions and intentions, then when they check my boxes of qualifications they are a friend. this process brought me 2 solid friends in my lifetime. I am happy for my quality of friends. We have to vet friends the way we vet men. PERIOD

[@Kanatshi]

This video was triggering to me. I've been really hurt by toxic females I thought were my tribe. As a result I became toxic to others too. I'm trying to remove these traits but what's crazy is that these "friends" are now shamelessly trying to come back to my life after gaslighting me and switching up on me when I needed them the most. They font recollect what they did to me and only come when I am useful to them. I cut them off 2 years ago and they tried to turn our mutual friends against me to alienate me, when thay failed, they blocked all these other friends. It all came down to jealousy.

[@thespiritualplug__]

I resonate sooooo much with this, you don’t even understand!!! Or maybe you do from reading this, but girl everything you said. I wish you, both of us, the best in our journeys to building healthy friendships with women and to never having to deal with fake friends again because we’re much wiser now.

[@tinokhumalo9335]

No lie trying to build healthy and intentional female friendships has been a whole different journey on its own, especially cause not all the ladies I try to build with watch sisterhood so it's always a shock when I come with fresh perspectives. But we don't give up

[@nompilokhanyile8100]

Girl you from SA? We can be friends

[@CandaceJDunkley]

“If you cannot operate in the function you don’t deserve the title.” 💎

[@burntorangeofficial]

"Just because you're going through something doesn't absolve you of the fact that you hurt me." !!

[@chulekazikalipa4147]

The chat about friendships being an active investment where you deposit and collect over time, made me realize that I do not really have friends. I do not have that platonic relationship that I can pour and collect from... sad.

[@nicolewaithera1814]

You don’t have it yet*❤

[@chulekazikalipa4147]

@@nicolewaithera1814 5 months later, I have formed quite a few friendships about which I can confidently say, I pour into and they pour into me. I'm so happy you replied to this, it made me realize how life can change completely in just 5 months! Thanks sis.

[@sharonoguara9042]

@@chulekazikalipa4147 This made me smile. I don't know you but I am so happy for you. I hope things have only gotten better! ❤️

[@siphesihlemabaso7052]

And more often than not, your girls really have your best interests at heart and are worth making the necessary changes compared to changing for men.

[@neema_]

That's deep

[@annoyedbyyourface]

For me, it's been really hard finding genuine friends because of the pandemic. Rightfully, many people are not interested in going outside to hang out. And that doesn't even get into the rising gas prices lol. So yeah, that's been my main problem this past year - finding people I can maintain a genuine connection with during a pandemic *AND* a period in time where people are used to texting/tweeting vs. having a long convo.

[@ahviwe]

Same boat

[@shenaegoodwill2609]

Toxic friends topic 20:24

[@thewindsinger7687]

Thank you so much I was looking for it 😂

[@JeanWandimi]

😊 Thanks

[@rubychikwiri5931]

Really enjoyed this episode! Watched it with my mom and we had such a lovely discussion about how expectations of friendships change especially as we get older.

[@tomysisters]

Shoutout to momma! Glad you both enjoyed it ❤️

[@melissagitts]

I feel spoken to towards the end, I never had an understanding on how people operate, allowing challenges snowball into an obstacle... I've become better and nowadays I'm not quick to cutting people off. This was a conversation well needed.

[@SatisfyingASMRStories]

This conversation is a 10/10

[@nessaduh8033]

I love that you held space for the lady who made the video and didn't decimate her character entirely. Truth be told, she said the quiet part out loud because alot of people share her thinking.

[@Kik03]

Let’s talk about jealous cousins

[@COURTNEYXCORAL]

wow this was tough love for me but I made it to the end... slightly triggered but ill be ok. During quarantine I got a bf and somehow me and my friends never reconnected fully. You ladies gave me hope that I can salvage these relationships.

[@shirleyn.8563]

"a difference to be conquered and not be divided" 👏👏👏👏👏

[@deba_are4705]

This was amazing, the wisdom in this was too much to handle 🙆🏾‍♀️. It really helped to open my eyes and look at my self and my friendships more. Especially when in this gen its so easy to cancel ppl, I started to realise its kinda lazy (talking to myself). Communication is key from the get go and as a Christian I'm not spreading the same grace that God gives me daily. This really helped a lot, thx u xxx

[@courtneyosei-dapaa2001]

Such wisdom ladies! It’s crazy how identical the notion of friendship we share! I used to feel guilty about this because I had this mentality since I was 14 ( which as you mentioned was contrary to the general understanding of friendship amongst people of that age - a cheap term to describe someone you spend time with) God bless you guys, continue to keep spitting wisdom - I’m listening ooo😅🥺🙏🏿

[@laysslayysslaays]

So WHOLESOME! This whole podcast just made this ring in my ears : “ love your neighbour as you love yourself “

[@MightyIntellectual]

This was so good!!!

[@Jewel296]

I just wanted to say thank you because I really needed to hear this. I definitely have some relationships I need to work on repairing. Thanks again From your sister xoxo

[@tomysisters]

So glad you enjoyed ❤️

[@lindagraceapolot3717]

I feel so enriched by the knowledge the two of you constantly share and have shared today, l literally took notes, lve learned that friendships and love are an active investment and so much more Thank you so much for the work you're doing, also my very first comment God bless you both and may He enable you feel more fulfilled

[@tomysisters]

So happy you enjoyed the episode, and gain so much from engaging. Thank you for the encouragement, we are so happy to have you ♥️

[@BkVincy]

This was a necessary conversation. As someone who was in a toxic friendship asking someone why something is now an issue when it wasn't before or they never said nothing the last 75 times is gaslighting. You are invalidating the courage it took that person to actually say something. You have to take people life experiences in consideration. Forget what they didn't do in the past and deal with what they are saying now.

[@achumesidlai3325]

I've grown so much after discovering this channel . Thank You My Online Sisters.

[@pdpUU]

The depth y’all get into is fantastic. I’ve been on many sides of these dynamics, I learned a lot. The information here will help so many who listen. You provide lessons and nuance, and compassion, from many POVs. Appreciate it.

[@plamedi893]

This was a much-needed episode! Thank you sisters x

[@mojokombue4463]

Y’all are too real🥹 ugh such refreshing content. Definitely subscribing🙏🏾

[@zoeschoolstuff6919]

This is why I had to distance from my best friend. She cannot survive without male attention which ultimately hurts her friendships🥲

[@gummiebear873]

Me too. My friend has lost somany other friends because of it. I now see why and I’m distancing myself.

[@Knottyautumn]

Yep. I had a friend she would go out to meet men every time. And wanted me as her tag along.and they weren’t even dateable

[@viciousreasoning504]

Chile…

[@Kayla-kd8ov]

Yep i had a friend just like that. She would go to great lengths for male attention or just attention in general.

[@tmichelle9669]

🎯

[@candy2325]

This video was REAL 😩 solid advice! It definitely opened my eyes on my relationships with people and that it’s definitely a journey and ever going marathon lol 😅 I’ve recently been low key on social media and trying to connect OFFLINE and it’s tough! People are so used to false connection online. I have to work harder and I’m trying to be more intentional, but also be more open minded to putting myself out there and meeting new people. When you guys talked about how people want a aesthetic of their social life online that hit me and one of the reasons I came off of Instagram because I feel like people want to LOOK like their lives are active. I’m tired of the facade and the “look at me” shit 24/7. I want some downtime and build my relationships off the internet.

[@mslindaafrofemininemuse]

Thanks so much for this ..My friendships have really changed and I had to have a thought conversation with a really close friend of mine(she was even my bridesmaid). It’s tough to realise that not e everyone is meant to be in your journey..however the right ones will move along with you 💯

[@lianna832]

42:03 Say it again. "She's not your friend!"

[@AeiTri]

Amazing conversation. Thank you ladies!

[@elisamarions3888]

Omgg you guys are glowing!!😍😍😍.

[@tomysisters]

Thank you!

[@anastasiembessa7625]

Thank you for blessing us with your knowledge and wisdom everytime. 👸🏾💋

[@tomysisters]

So happy you've enjoyed it! xx

[@nomahlubithunyiswa2761]

Mind-blowing conversation as per usual! #tomysisters #friendships

[@lexnicole9599]

Being a baddie is a mentality it’s not all about looks

[@ntamieborty]

‘If you cannot operate in the function, you do not deserve the title’🤯

[@charitydoeses]

Great content! Please make a timestamp for when the video starts. (The part when you start talking about the title of the video.)

[@jessyo8079]

This gained you a new follower! Love it

[@kuki1053]

"What intensity of the heat babe?"🤣🤣🤣🤣 Love this podcast 💜

[@eseojo5096]

This was such an enlightening episode. Felt like it was tailored especially for me… I needed to hear this. Thank you guys 💕

[@AnuolorunOjo]

I saw the notification and got excited🤭

[@tomysisters]

We love to see it 😂

[@alaerelifestyle]

I'm so happy I found your channel! Fellow Naija babe here and I think it would be interesting to talk about how ethnic division contributes to these toxic friendships in Nigerian communities (general Africa too but Naija's case of tribalism is intense) In my college years I found myself backhand bullied by Igbo or Yoruba women and a lot of times there would be slight digs at the fact that I wasn't from their tribe. Now that I'm older I can assess this from a more intellectual perspective- where does this competition come from? And I think men had a lot to do with it! Great talk, and the first one I've watched from y'all. Sending love and light, you have a new subscriber! ✨❤️\

[@chloej7693]

Amazing content. Keep doing what y'all do, you're both making a huge difference in people's lives!

[@hellotokki839]

Just discovered you gals and can't wait to binge-listen to all of it 😊

[@TheHolisticBabe]

Great episode

[@levelupwithada]

At her age (30s), she obviously needs to grow up. She's too old to have that mentality concerning friendships.

[@GwenDoll]

I feel like if YOU don’t think the friends you gave are baddies, maybe you don’t need any friends at all

[@mya4947]

WOOOOW Super insightful !! one of the best podcasts out there - well done girls xx

[@Music4life922]

So glad I came across your account, really great insight, excited to see more content!

[@keiajohn]

Such a great episode ladies!

[@kayyrachelle9]

I wish I had friends like y’all ! Great video ladies 💟

[@thelovelyri_]

Love this podcast ❤️❤️

[@ObviouslyDee]

THIS IS MY FIRST TIME WATCHING AND YAAAASSSS, I love this!! New subbie alert. Keep being black and beautiful!

[@ceLzOA]

Loved loved this episode!

[@busayooyedoyin7303]

Thanks for the congrats guys 💕

[@Dashnobel]

great topic and conversation! i loved this thank you

[@RemeTony]

COURTNEY IS SUCH A HUGE BUNDLE OF KNOWLEDGE, MY GOD

[@lorenavitaa]

thank yoooouuuuu!! 🙏🏽♥️

[@TheHairiestPotter]

When I think of baddie friends, I don't think of men. For me baddie means women that are honest, charismatic, love to dress up, wear makeup, do self care, go out on the town and most importantly are self confident and not insecure. Baddies know what they want, they have goals and they actively pursue them. That is what baddie means to me. I don't want friends that aren't comfortable in their skin, don't pursue things they want, people that would rather be the fly on the wall instead of being in the moment. You define what baddie means to you.

[@IvanaOkaro]

Yesss perfect timing!

[@simplychelsieee7110]

This video made me realize maybe I have bad friends and I also might be the problem to …..

[@gloriakanani1026]

When those baddies take your man😂😂😂😂chilee

[@La.femme.noire._]

Spitting every episoden

[@kassandravazquez9630]

I have only watched 1 min of this video and I love y'all!! your guys energy and vibes are so great!

[@tib4565]

All of this ❤ bless you ladies!

[@yjordan44]

I really needed to hear this…

[@ny_rin.a]

This video came at the right time. Thanks you

[@WaboMotiki]

THIS is so good

[@theehardpill]

Whewwwwwwwww yall SPITTIN ‼️🗣

[@kelliecook736]

Didn’t watch the video yet, but I do want to say I don’t need a baddie friend. But I want someone I can talk about makeup with and workout with. I want to be able to motivate each other. I already have nerdy friends. But the people I do know who are into those things, are the type that only want baddies around and I’m not bad enough. Or they also don’t share advice.

[@titaniatixie]

Oh my gosh, my best friend's name is Courtney and her birthday is in May. But anyway this is not about her but a friend group I made when I entered college 2 years ago. I’m the oldest in the group and the youngest; the first friend I made there was five years younger than me. So she is very emotionally sensitive, and the other two girls in the group have commented on that. Anyway as the years go on I make friends with a lot more other people and I don’t know why, but for some odd reason the group seems upset about me talking to other people. I became good friends with one of the other girls in my class and started spending a lot of time with her. So the youngest one in the group, who is the one I’m closest with comes up to me and says in a “jokey” but emotional way, “so you’ve replaced me?” The other two girls' body language and facial expressions all seem disapproving. Giving subtle “so we’re not good enough for you anymore?” I’ve been so irritated with them recently. This is just a warning about being friends with overly sensitive people. I have a very passive personality so I felt guilty even when I was not supposed to.

[@Daft_Sage]

I want more friends who are baddies is the friend equivalent of I want a guy who is on my level (equally yoked). If this is not a problem when it comes to relationships, why should it be a problem when it comes to friendships? Why can't she want people who are on are level looks wise?

[@CaptainPygar]

It sounds like the problem was how it was worded and that she was putting dowm her friends? Like it’s one think to say that I would like to date men who put more thought on their appearance or are as focused on their career…but if you word it “all these guys look like slobs” or “I wouldn’t even talk to a guy who couldn’t afford 1st class seats” you do sound judgemental and shallow. I understand wanting to meet new people to do things with that interest you but don’t interested you friends. Or feeling frustrated that people you meet for dates don’t share your goals or values at all. But they are (hopefully) living the best life for them. I think if the girl would have just asked how to meet new friends that are also interested of going out and getting dressed up people wouldn’t have had such an issue. 🤔🤔

[@steph6109]

I'm assuming you're male? A woman wants other women as skilled and developed internally as she is. Looks aren't that important to women. Maybe dress sense, you don't want someone who looks homeless but other than that, no your analogy is highly incorrect.

[@eddiy335]

So looks are now an important factor for choosing friends?

[@Drivingtours111]

It’s not because relationships can lead to marriage and kids and stability/security is important hence why most women want a man on their level or higher to give themselves the best shot possible. We are saying that it’s unfair for women to want friends that are “on a higher level” than them because typically it’s for leeching purposes. There’s nothing wrong with wanting friends that are on your level but when you only want “pretty baddie friends” for your Instagram esthetic or to get their dudes that’s the problem we are talking about. Everyone needs to bring something to the table it’s not fair and it’s weird af

[@nqobilempofu]

“In my country we call them Witches” 💀💀💀💀

[@kwamkelemkize7458]

Wait! This is rather off topic but - did Renée get a tatt? 🤩 Or was it always there? 🤭

[@tomysisters]

Haha - got this tattoo 2 years ago!

[@jennythomas2579]

Can you add time stamps to the video next time. Please

[@charmainesayi]

Yeah ! I love this podcast but to be honest ost of the times am not here for the dilemmas😊

[@tomysisters]

We're looking into it once we have capacity to do so, once we begin growing a team in the next few weeks. Thank you for your patience.

[@regalx1]

Well, I do see men monopolizing women's time as more of an issue for women than women monopolizing men's time is an issue for men. I do appreciate that women who have best friends and they grow up, but they say A. I want a man B. I want a career C. I want female friends D. I want to have children Recognize that these are very different things demanding very different support structures. And they have to decide whether they want to continue to part of this woman's life or they don't. So there ends up being a lot of fracturing of female relationships in a way that male relationships don't fracture. Because why? A. a male best friend isn't going to go to his boy and say "Hey, you're spending too much time with your girlfriend and that's hurting my feelings." Uh gross, men aren't supposed to act needy. B. Most friends are either activity friends or are already in the same career, so there's generally no conflict in that front. C. This is where men truly do struggle with the most and the source of the male loneliness epidemic that women don't struggle with as much. It's weird for a man to want to court friendship with a single other male, they are either going out as a group or not. D. Yes even though men are the ones that initiate the femalies, they often end up guilting the women into taking care of the child. The only way a male would lose their friends if they just decide they are too immature and just ditch them otherwise. Male relationships are insanely low maintenance, and more stable over time compared to female relationships.

[@lydiawilkss]

💗💗

[@ntamieborty]

You’re a vampire 😂😭

[@PinkYellowGreen2023]

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@RJ-hm9gi]

Heinous vernacular

[@violetgibson1131]

Y’all talk to much at the beginning… so annoying

[@queenlyellis9867]

I want to get into this channel! Please don’t take the lords name in vain! Some of your fans/listeners aren’t trying to hear all that! Keep it classy ladies.

[@reapostell2401]

Yes had an associate who always pick at my looks and the way I talk; always low key come for my shape and my ass still deals with her.