Too Young to Know You're Asexual? | Let's Chat

How young is too young to start using the label asexual? Personally, I think it's all subjective. After all, everyone develops at different rates.
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[@alilikaii3409]

I told my mom I was asexual recently and she said ‘’of course you are! All thirteen year olds are asexual!’’ Like mom that’s not quite how it works-

[@hardcoreproductions7867]

Somehow this is exactly what my mum said when I came out last year...

[@rapidstrike87rapid71]

Haha my mom said the same thing

[@milo8072]

That's why I'll never come out to my parents

[@beefernandes4736]

Same don't worry 🙃

[@EvilEnsembleStars]

I told my brother I was asexual and he told my mom and said "Mom you know Adi is asexual" and she said back "she just hasn't found the right person yet" ..... It's never going to happen mom....

[@kiralaine2313]

It's kind of funny how, if a teenager around 12 says they have a crush on someone, no one will argue and question that, like they're old enough for that.... but you're not old enough to say you don't get crushes??? like wouldn't that make more sense the other way around???

[@tiredbitch7618]

Kira Laine no

[@adulthumanfemale420]

Well, the two things are different. You can experience a Cush and that’s a solid feeling, but lacking something is not a solid feeling. I’m really not trying to hate here, I’m a relatively young asexual person myself, but asexuality is different from any kind of allosexuality in that it’s a lack of something instead of a feeling

[@witchby9362]

Asexual is no sexual attraction, whilst aromantic is no romantic attraction. If someone is Aromantic asexual, they have no attraction.

[@therobin980]

I get where you're coming from, but I do think that it's hard to know and understand at 12 years old if you're never gonna have crushes or not. That is not to say that the feelings of a 12 year old are not valid and that they shouldn't be taken seriously. But I do think that it is a very young age to put that label on yourself. I just think that labelling yourself so early could end up making you feel pressured to live up to that label or make you scared that you won't fit into it anymore. I'm not gonna question anyones labels, that's not up to me. But I do think that at such a young age, we should be careful with identifying too much with a certain lable

[@yae4983]

@Kaiyana those ussualy end up being squishes, which are platonic crushes. Many people who don't know about them mistake them for regular crushes, but they are fundamentally different. When you have a crush you daydream about the person ect, but when you have a squish, it's kind of like you think this person is really cool, and have the compulsion to befriend them and be very close friends, but sadly they never work out

[@sophie-wf1kg]

I told my best friend of 7 years that I was asexual the other day, and she told me that I couldn't be. She explicitly told me that it wasn't true because 'I'm only 16 and I'm probably just a late bloomer'. She also told me that she'd believe me if I came out as gay, but didn't believe that I was asexual 'because it's less common'. Although I still love her a lot, it hurt, and I'm really glad I came across this video because it made me feel a lot better about it

[@AmeliaAce]

I'm sorry that happened to you! I came out as ace at 16, and I'm still happily identifying as ace as 21, so I don't think you're a late bloomer!

[@sophie-wf1kg]

AmeliaAce thanks so much, you make me feel a lot more confident in my identity!

[@sophie-wf1kg]

UPDATE: I posted on instagram about my asexuality and this friend of mine understands it better now and accepts and believes that this is how I am. A happy ending!

[@carolyn7276]

sophie my friend was the same way! It hurts so much

[@annabelcrescibene4257]

I’ve literally never had anyone question or not except me for anything but my asexuality and it’s literally the worst. My best friend essentially did the same thing. (The worst thing is they accept my other friend but not me)

[@laureng2353]

I knew I was asexual when I was 12 years old. I knew about and and all sorts sexual things and sex- and I was fine with it, I respected it. Some people I knew was watching porn and I wasn’t necessarily disgusted but just like- “That looks like it hurts and would be uncomfortable.” Part of it was like me knowing I had body problems and rarely liked to be bare near people. When people would have sex in books it made me feel completely different about the story. I’ve been through puberty at this time. I knew about different sexualities- and at the time already knew I looked girls and boys in a romantic way. Ace pride forever! 🖤💜

[@AmeliaAce]

Thank you for sharing! I so feel you with the think about characters having sex in books, it used to completely ruin stories for me!!

[@corinnehorowitz6559]

Lauren G this is what’s happening with me currently. I am 12 years old and experiencing something similar. I’ve always known about most sexual orientations and I’ve kind of noticed I was different from kids my age. I’ve never had a crush or was attracted to anyone my age, I hate kissing, and sex looks painful and..gross. If I see sex or read sex in a book I get uncomfortable and just can’t rlly go on with it. I’ve been identifying as Asexual for awhile now. I still have a lot of questions about it and everything.

[@xiav3318]

Lauren G I’m the exact same, it’s been two years now ( I’m 14) and I can almost certainly say that I’ve never felt sexual attraction. I just have no idea what the appeal of sex is, besides that it feels good? Even since I was 9 or 10 I was ok with the idea of sex, and was confused by ppl being disgusted; turns out I just don’t know what sexual attraction’s like... thus the lack of appeal.

[@jumbohotdog7498]

AmeliaAce 2 years late but would asexuality still apply if you’re alright with other people having sex (fictional or real people) but you don’t see sex as a need for yourself?

[@laureng2353]

w o o s h . yes !!

[@sailorcat]

I totally agree, people shouldn't question the labels of others. It's their choise to use them.

[@rosie23xx31]

I'm 14 and using the term asexual because it feels right. Also when I told my friend who knows lots about sexuality she said that she guessed.

[@teammulticolor]

Same!

[@StarrySkyyyy]

I'm 14 as well, the terms I use are gray asexual and demisexual, cause I've very rarely felt sexually attracted to anyone, but the times that has happened (that are like two lol) it has been to someone I've built a strong emotional bond with.

[@pilarmanson573]

Me too!

[@funtheorys136]

12 same found out when 11

[@Br00ke291]

I’m thinking of starting to use that term cause I kinda dug deep into asexual and I think I am or I identify as Asexual

[@pippylunalove]

"they're going to know better than you". Yes, people are going to know themselves and their thoughts and their feelings better than you.

[@kikyo4815]

I *wish* I had known about asexuality/aromanticism when I was in high school so that I could apply them to myself back then. I had 0 crushes in high school, and a couple of my friends understood this as "I have a crush, I'm just not telling you who." Just to make them stop asking I would choose random people to "have a crush" on, but that turned awkward whenever that random person found out they're who I said. It just caused multiple messes, and I wish I had had the vocabulary and knowledge to explain my situation. So hell no I'm not going to gatekeep younger people who feel like the term asexual or aromantic fits them or is useful to them. I wish I had it myself at that age.

[@decession1665]

I am afraid to tell my parents about being asexual because I feel like they will tell me I am too young to know... because I am 12 as well.. but I believe I am because people in my grade are ALREADY talking about sex! Its horrible! There are even rumors about people having sex ALREADY?! I know it’s not true but I feel awkward and weird when sex comes into the conversation usually.. so that’s why I am afraid to tell my parents.. XD sorry for the long massage

[@idrinkpastaforaliving_6269]

Ikr

[@beefernandes4736]

And it's gross frankly...I'm older and it's still weird to me

[@mnstercandeh665]

I’m so sorry you have to endure that :( Still, you could try telling your parents, and if they don’t believe you then at least you know. Or you could try telling a friend or teacher, perhaps? Idk, I hope everything works out for you though

[@createanescape1628]

This is a late reply, I know, but come out when it’s safe to. Maybe slip asexuality into a conversation somehow? I’m 12, too, and I know that some of my classmates have had sex already. It’s kinda uncomfortable to talk about sorry-

[@Person-ed2ys]

Me too. Im a younger person who identifies as asexual and aromantic. Whenever sex becomes a conversation topic or our class has to learn about intercourse I just feel uneasy. And one person I know made some sort of gesture and another person shouted "You watch too much porn!" at them. It made me extremely confused and uncomfertable because they are kids who watch porn?! Im also afraid to tell my parents about being asexual because I am worried they might not belive me and say im just too young to feel that way. Although, I feel they know Im aromantic (they dont know what the term means) because they awkwardly asked me questions like "Do you like boys", "do you like girls", and "do you like anybody?" and I answered how i feel, I dont like anyone. (Sorry for the extremely long reply, I just felt like I needed to tell someone)

[@claireb1104]

When I told my sister that I was asexual I was 11 and she just said "you know you're only 11" and it really hurt my feelings

[@chaaro]

i realized I was ace at 14, for me it really helped to make me feel like there wasn't something wrong with me. I was young but I knew myself enough to know what I was feeling (or not feeling) was different, kids know themselves better than you think!!! And like you said if they realize differently later its no big deal! Thanks for talking about this c:

[@scenic_runic]

I figured out I was ace (asexual) when I was 13, and I'm still comfortable with the label

[@misssupercookie2011]

I find the "you're probably just a late bloomer" arguments kind of funny just because I was an "early bloomer" re: puberty and yet I'm ace....

[@renemasko8912]

tHUmbNail: asexual at 12? Me: at 9 I knew I was asexual and aromantic Everybody else: ...

[@WritingSch]

According to psychology, people know as early as 11. LGBP+ population usually doesn’t come out until later (16/17) unlike straight kids, who don’t have to wonder if they’re straight or hide it. I’d assume the same would be true for asexuality, because for other kids (including straight ones) we are taking romantic and sexual attraction into account. (Yes, teens do experience sexual attraction sometimes- even if we only consider lesbian, gay, bisexual, and pansexual kids as experiencing sexual attraction, which is basically homophobia at work and adults finding teenage sexuality a squicky topic even if it’s about asexuality.)

[@AmeliaAce]

OOh, that's interesting! Do you have a source you can link for the early as 11 thing? (No problem if not, I know it's sometimes hard to re-find articles and things like that!)

[@KatrinaEames]

I think this also works well with the split attraction model - people might be young saying that they are asexual, but they do have romantic attraction to other people which society finds perfectly acceptable. Younger generations having access to this language is so important because it normalizes the LGBT+ experience and also gives them more accurate ways to describe themselves and their feelings.

[@Grabovsky85]

Aesthetic attraction was what threw me off for years, even after i learned about asexuality. I knew that asexuality fit me somehow, but as soon as i learned about aesthetic attraction i knew what i was experiencing, and it wasnt sexual attraction.

[@ladymoragsbootlaces8059]

@@Grabovsky85 Aesthetic attraction was an epiphany for me as well. All through my life, ever since my world was shaken at a younger age when I learned where we come from, I knew sex was gross and could not imagine how getting older would change that perception. Flashforward to today (18yo) and I still have no sexual (or romantic) attraction but noticed that in sophomore/junior year of high school, I found some fictional male characters to look attractive in a way I didn't growing up, indicating some sort of attractional change, but no actual desires ever emerged. Knowing what I know now, I seem to have mostly heteroaesthetic attraction, but lowkey panaesthetic attraction as well? It's all in the hair, outfit, face etc for me, basically; it's like art I'm mildly fixated on sometimes.

[@masterofthecringe1059]

I was around 10 when I realized "Wait... I've never had a crush on anybody..." Still ace. I remember in 6th grade I had an argument with this boy who said something like "You'll like somebody eventually, trust me. You'll want a boyfriend soon." I said something like "I'm either Demi or ace, and it's my choice, not yours." I had also hit that at the time, so I was like 100% sure I was asexual. I feel akward to tell my parents. I've told my brothers, close friends, and cousins, but... It's just weird! People have been talking about sex since 5th grade, and I was really uncomfortable. I'm indifferent about it now, but there were rumors about kids... Doing it. I was like "BULL!" Anyway, I've never wanted to engage in it.

[@eggboi0]

I'm almost 12, and I feel Asexual and Aromantic

[@quinn5109]

I'm thirteen, and over the past few years I've been asked my sexuality more times than I can count. I think part of the reason my generation is claiming labels younger is that we're expected to have a label younger.

[@liamodonovan3437]

I was about 14 when I realized I was asexual I never had feelings for anyone I also never had a crush on anyone thanks to your channel I could put a name on it and could feel comfortable being that way thank you Amelia love you

[@alyssathecat4223]

You are an aromatic asexual 🤗 💚🖤💜🖤

[@angehalos]

i starting guessing around age 12, but i thought i was too young. now, as a 14 year old, i am positive that i am asexual.

[@dangercrue]

I thought I was asexual and aromantic at 12 I still do identify as asexual and aromantic I think it differs for everyone

[@amyclarke6176]

I honestly not going to judge or comment on someone’s label. I knew I was at 13. But i think unless you feel very comfortable it’s probably safer to tell people when you are slightly older or after puberty. But if you know and what to come out go ahead but if you want to avoid the you are too young response then id recommend waiting until you are in uk high school or us 8/9 grade to be on the safe side of things. Ok have a good day.

[@Grabovsky85]

It also depends on who your telling, and what you think their reactions might be. Im 32, and still not out to my parents. Mostly because im still kinda dependent on them, but i also dont quite know how they will react.

[@annon3387]

You do realise kids get into highschool at 11 in the UK. We don't have middle school ouo;; I'm fairly certain 8th grade in America is 14-15. I don't blame you for not knowing though.

[@starlightsystem4065]

I realized actually a few months ago and I’m still trying to come to terms with it. Any advice?

[@cookieandme23]

Hi I’m new, I was going to wait till well forever but I ended up accidentally making my debut on my 15th birthday (which was 8 days ago🙄)out of necessity. My moms think I’m to young and all that (though the accept me) and when I wasn’t worried about it before I have been freaking out that I am to young and something bad would happen and I was wrong, but this videos and all the sweet comments like this one have returned my confidence and made me feel more comfortable, and even if I find the label didn’t fit me in a few years (that’s fine but it’s going to be a pain to explain) I am so glade to be a part of this community now and I am so glad to eat my cake and fly my flag! 🤍🍰🖤💜

[@lilvels2429]

I was 15 when I first wondered if I might be asexual. Granted I didn't identify that way until a year later but I was thinking about it and wondering. I so rarely had crushes that I thought I might be aromantic before I thought I might be asexual because I was so wildly uncomfortable with the idea of sex that I didn't think much about my sexual orientation at all so that should have been a sign. I realized I was asexual when I dated a very sexual person for a brief time and the discomfort that I got from our interactions led me to end the relationship after a month. The best part of my ace story is probably that after talking about relationships with my straight mother she said "maybe you're asexual" like it was a joke and then reacted fairly badly when I told her I was not too many months later. I am almost 18 now and I identify as panromantic (and demi in that regard as well) asexual, and she thinks I'm not asexual any more because I am in a relationship now. Since I am dating a male person she probably thinks I was straight after all. oh well. As someone who started noticing that I was "not straight" at around 14, and had some friends who were 11 and 12 who were already identified in the LGBT+ spectrum at the time - I think that young teens is a common time for individuals to start thinking about their romantic and sexual orientation, but I think realizing your identity can and does happen at all different stages in life and that realizing you are asexual should be regarded in the same way as any other identity. While most everyone I knew including myself got the "you're too young to know/how can you know if you haven't tried it" crap that everyone else did, I think that's ridiculous. No one questions it when straight individuals start being interested in people of the opposite gender at a young age so neither should anyone else. Rambly mess sorry. I think that overall the back lash of "you're too young to know/ don't put yourself in that box an decide that's how you feel now" stuff that I got and STILL get from straight people and within the LBGT+ community is invalidating and hurtful. I think its hard overtime because its about the attrition of it all - the more I get told I'm a freak the harder it is to not believe it, and I wish people were just more accepting and understanding of asexual people in general and ESPECIALLY when they come out when they're young.

[@lillytush3940]

Lil Vels what is panromatic ans aromatic

[@AmeliaAce]

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences! "No one questions it when straight individuals start being interested in people of the opposite gender at a young age so neither should anyone else." SO TRUE OMG.

[@dark_attribute]

*Who the frick disliked this video??* I figured it out that I was either demi or ace when I was 12.I noticed that other girls in my school had boyfriends and talked about hooking up with them,and I was never interested in it,although I am a romantic person.I had one crush,and it never went anywhere,and I dropped it weeks later.I had a friend who was bi and two friends who were aces.They would talk about the LGBTQ+ community,and I didn't get that into it,me being a good little christian girl.But seeing them be so happy and proud...I realized that maybe I'm not straight. I'd always been uncomfortable in any conversation about sex,hated dirty jokes,and to this day I don't understand the appeal or pornography.Once I knew what really happened during intercourse,I knew I did not want it.I found it,and still find it,disgusting.(You can like what you what,but that's a no for me)I then researched more on it and found this wonderful community.( *Also I found many asexual memes because there is literally a meme for everything nowadays* )After more self-reflection,and a lot of research,the title that fits me best,and one I think I'll end up sticking with,is *sexually repulsed,demisexual heteroromantic* . I haven't come out to any of my family,since I am still not that old,and I'm just worried sick about their reaction.I'm going to send them this video if they *dare* say that I'm too young to know.Thank you!

[@starlightsystem4065]

-destryinaraincoat- yeah I’m a sex repulsed asexual as well. I’m also panromantic. I’m glad that I’m finally able to find someone who identifies similarly. Have an awesome day 👍👍

[@nergui8606]

I had the same situation, but you know, beign asexual doesn't mean you can't be a good christian.

[@martyruth77]

The earliest indication I remember was in sixth grade. We were watching this video on puberty with tons of painfully detailed drawings. Twelve year old me was horrified! When our teacher described how sex worked- Ewww! Why would anyone ever like that? I thought I was just thinking that because I was young. However, when I was thirteen, I got a phone for my birthday. I got Pinterest and stumbled across some pride stuff. It opened my eyes a lot, being raised in a Christian household has left me blind to many of the realities of our world. I realized- Hey, this ace thing sounds like me! I was thirteen when I realized the label felt very right. However, it still felt like a toss-up. Maybe I'm just demisexual, I thought, I've never been in a relationship. I was fourteen when I decided I really, really knew. I'm not a late bloomer by any means- puberty hit me at 8 and was full-force by eleven. I was in eighth grade sex Ed and what the heck is she talking about? Desire? Loss of self-control? Lust? Masturbation? Sex toys? Why are you people like this? IT'S NORMAL TO WANT TO STICK *WHAT* UP MY VAGINA??? At this point, my first boyfriend and I had been dating for a few months, and he was beginning to understand me. He called me sexy, how do I respond to that? "Oh? Uhm... Thanks" I was able to show him that there's more than one type of love, it doesn't have to be sexual. He kissed me and I loved it, I loved it every single time. But when he poked my butt, even though it was more playful than anything else, I instinctually hissed at him. He started to understand better as the months went on- a slight flinch while he had his arm around me, and he quickly moved his arm down with neither of us having to say anything. But no matter how carefully I chose my words, there was still one thing he never understood. "WHAT IS WITH ASEXUAL PEOPLE AND CAKE???"

[@createanescape1628]

Cake is good.

[@ladymoragsbootlaces8059]

I just want to say HOW MUCH I RELATE TO YOUR COMMENT! Also grew up in a Christian household with little radar for sex and stuff until late elementary/early middle school when I learned about what kinds of things I would "apparently" grow up to want when I'm older, and it TERRIFIED me to think I would ever want/have to do 'the thing' if/when I fall in love. Thankfully, at age 18, I know I am asexual, still sex-repulsed and even aromantic.

[@myotherhalfhi7336]

Parts of your comment made me laugh🤣. Ive never dated and I wasn't raised in a Christian household. But ive never understood doing things like that it sounded gross and def not my cup of tea. Even tho I was only 10 I didn't like learning about it in school so akward. Now im 15 and think its even more messed up. Plus I have no desire to be more than friends with anyone. Also cake is awesome 🍰.

[@myotherhalfhi7336]

Also I was a really late bloomer didn't hit me until after 8th grade. But.. that doesn't change how I feel now.

[@duckielover151]

My view is that if someone is able to identify as asexual sooner than I did (which, to be fair, I think I found my identity pretty early too, at 18) that just means we're doing our job right. It's very possible that I would have identified as ace earlier, but I'd never run across any information about asexuality until I was 18.

[@tiredbitch7618]

duckielover151 or it could be we're pushing people younger and younger to label themselves when they're at a point where they don't have to. This is the sort of thing that leads to lots of confusion for young kids which probably has lead to this culture of labelling every little trait (or lack there of) as a sexuality.

[@wibbly8011]

I remember jokingly referring to myself as asexual when I was around 11. I didn’t know that it was a legit term for a sexual orientation I just was like the idea of sex is weird and I don’t understand why anyone would ever be interested. The funny thing about my aromanticness is that when I was younger I had crushes. Or what I thought of as crushes, I can’t really remember if they might have been squishes but I’m pretty sure if I hadn’t figured out my aceness I would probably think of myself as pansexual. It was only after I figured out I was ace for real that I started examining the feeling I had for people that were different than normal friendship. And realized a lot of my crush feeling I had for boys, I had for girls too, so then I was like, okay am I biromanic? I through that around in my head for a while and but eventually realized that my feelings even when they weren’t the normal ones I had with friends did not have a romantic bend to them, just an extra oh I really want to have an awesome friendship/discussion with you.

[@ductapeplanet]

Asexual is an umbrella term. I identify at asexual because it’s easier to tell people. I really aceflux. You need more umbrella stuff.

[@wolfsong3718]

I'm 17 and still haven't felt attracted to anyone I'm kind of frustrating hearing friends talk about crushes Ect I don't understand what they feel 😞

[@rachelwalker3017]

I'm pretty young (not as young as 12 mind you) but I feel like this label fits me... I'm not going to use this label yet though because I'm young and I don't want to invalidate the label by being a "late bloomer". I may not use the label but when I look at my Ace ring I made myself it reminds me that while everyone else is experiencing life differently with crush and stuff; I'm still valid. (I just say I'm waiting til marriage right now which I literally used to think nobody wanted it and had to do it when marriage happened and then suddenly enjoyed it)

[@xiav3318]

Thank you so much for making this video, I can see this video being super helpful and reassuring to young aces. It makes you feel rlly invalid when you’ve got ppl telling you that you’re “ too young “ or “ just confused “. Idk about how others feel, but I know that for me I just... know? It’s just this feeling of being un-interested or just completely neutral.

[@kaielival]

I’m 14 and I just figured out today that I’m probably asexual. These videos are so helpful, and have helped me understand myself and what asexuality is so much better.

[@lilygriffiths5430]

I knew that from a young age that I didn't want to get married or be in a relationship with someone but never knew that I was asexual until I looked it up on the internet. Found out at 13 and I've never come out to anyone. Bless the internet!🙏🙏🙏

[@stephpiano2908]

I'm so happy I came across this! I've been thinking about this for the past couple of days and honestly haven't been too sure how to feel about it

[@Insomiac1-800]

im 13 and i identify as demi/asexual and I've gone/going through puberty and I don't feel anything sexual or excited whenever i see anything on my for you page sexual (which by the way tik tok has been targeting LGBTQ) but when i think about it i tried to force myself to have that attraction in the 1st grade up until i found what asexual is. but i didn't actually feel that way and ever since i found asexuality i felt like it fits me.

[@tapiocababy1701]

just wanna say thank you. I'm not 100% sure, (never sure about anything EVER), but I think the label Ace fits me as of rn. Your videos are very comforting as I'm going through this journey.

[@corgination1481]

One of my friends had a crush on me and when I found out I am uncomfortable . I had to deny him but we stayed as friends and that’s when I realize I’m ace. I’m 13 and live for my LGBTQ+ friends.

[@Brooklyn-Anne]

I was 9 when I found out what asexual was and I've been using the label ever since

[@kp12_art]

I started realising I was ace at 12 but didn’t officially make my mind up until last year when I was 14 because that’s when I fully understood what it meant & felt it was right for me

[@rebeccaburton5296]

I’m 21 and only just decided to look at this term for myself, I am still a virgin and have never had relationships , sex really scares me and therefor I never try relationships because sex is everywhere 😂 but I am so confused because I keep thinking that sometimes I find women attractive , but I still don’t know if I could ever sleep with anyone. But I am scared to think about being A sexual because then it’s like I have to miss out on this huge part of society and end up constantly losing all my friends to their new relationships x such a good video Thankyou! But just a tad confused 😉😅💕💕

[@istora9158]

I've been questioning for almost a year whether I was asexual, and you have given me so much more courage through this video! Thank you!

[@caikyuu_dmdc6198]

I tried to tell my mom I thought I was Asexual once, I'm fourteen. I tried to bring up casually by asking if she could buy me a couple of flags and stuff, you know, gotta support my community. I specifically asked for the Ace flag and she asked me why. I told her it was because I thought I was, (and while im still a bit unsure, i am pretty sure I am), and she told me I wasn't, that I was only fourteen and was still too young. She also told me I couldn't be Ace because she's heard me mention how, like when where watching a movie, that an actor was cute or something. I can still think someones cute and not be attracted sexually to them right? Anyway, sorry for the long message, but it heard none the less. I hope you all have a good day/night. ❤

[@aetherel]

> I can still think someones cute and not be attracted sexually to them right? Yeah, definitely!

[@rocklemonade1885]

I'm a minor & currently I identify as gray-ace because I've only ever felt sexual attraction to a real human being once and I'm not even sure if what I felt was . I haven't told many people so luckily I haven't received any negative responses so far. I'm kind of afraid of how people will react since aphobia is very common.

[@sarahblossom4713]

I knew I was asexual when I was 11 years old, then I was twelve and started questioning if I was straight becuase I had boy crushes but, I wouldn't be sexually attracted to them just only my heart would race and blush, and then labeled myself as straight at age thirteen and fourteen, now that I'm fifth teen I realized that I could no longer feel a type of way for someone, so I felt comfortable and proud coming back to the asexual world!

[@ArcticaTheFox]

I found out when I was 17. My parents say I could be a late bloomer since my parents were too, they didn’t start until late in their college years around their 20s so I’m really confused. Either I’m from a family of late bloomers, or they might be somewhere on the Ace spectrum too (Demi or Gray Ace). Seems quite scientifically and statistically improbable. I’m still just hella confused so imma just stick with this label until the day it changes. I’ll deal with that problem when it becomes one.

[@smolson8471]

To be honest, I think that they're probably demi/gray ace and that they just don't know it. Because that is some really late blooming

[@merisa7798]

I think I might be asexual and I’m ten.. and I realized I’ve never had a crush which didn’t bother me till my friends started getting crushes.. and when I was younger I never heard of asexuality, so I though I was just a person that didn’t like people but I heard of asexual one day and found out that I might be asexual, this video actually helped me a lot. Thank you 😊

[@mariaamorelli2688]

"Sexuallity is fluid, and labeling yourself, doesn't mean sticking in a box forever" 👏👏👏

[@JuMixBoox]

I totally knew when I was 12 and others started dating and crushing and I learned and started using the word when I was 14. I explained the same about how it could change but it feels right right now to my mom.

[@mrazqmujete1427]

I repeated to myself that I am too young to know if I'm asexual from 12 to 14, then that was how I understood I'm asexual, because I wouldn't repeat the same thing to me for so long if it wasn't true.

[@kamrynwalker1356]

I’m 15 and I’m labeling myself as asexual

[@katyaivanenko2174]

I learned about asexuality when I was around 12-13 and when I heard about it, I was kind of like "yep that's me," and moved on. I didn't really think about it again until I was around 17. That's when I stumbled across an Instagram page about asexuality and I was like "oh no, this is me." Now I identify as asexual and aromantic but I'm still not totally comfortable with it yet.

[@floral_comet]

Thank you so much! I'll be 13 soon and I've been thinking to myself "I might be an asexual aromatic", but I thought I'm too young to actually decide that! But now I looked at everything, and yeah, I'm an asexual aromatic! I shall learn how to come out now

[@thefunniestenbyalive2054]

thank you for this video! i've been questioning if i'm too young to know and this was really helpful :)

[@nbae1106]

Thank you for making this video. I initially wanted to learn more about asexuality because my friend came out to me as asexual. As I've learned more about the community I think I might actually be grey asexual and bi romantic. My friend (not the asexual friend, other one) has described some of the ways she's felt for other males (her preferred sex) and I really can't relate. From what I've seen the ace community seems really great and if I do end up joining I'd be happy to be a member

[@Chirpingcherub]

I found out quite late in my country (Scotland, IDK about the rest of UK) nobody really talks about romance and sex publicly i never heard anyone in my friend group discussing it lol

[@kindakyana2372]

Hey I'm 12 right now and this really helped me figure out if I'm ace or not, thank you so much ♥️♥️

[@The_Schizoid_Man]

I'm straight, just an ally and curious.

[@ladymoragsbootlaces8059]

AroAce here, and I thank you for your time and care to get to know up a bit better :)

[@selenosofia1180]

Honestly, I was about 12 when I started to consider that I may have been asexual. I am now 15 and am pretty sure that I am gray asexual. My romantic attraction is still up in the air but I am ok with that, I’ll figure it out when the time comes. Thanks for the video, really helped me validate myself in my sexuality (having been doubting it for like 3 years in and off).

[@pucksmink5138]

Yay! A new video!! ^_^

[@spritea]

I feel like there's also a lot of the older people I tell about my asexuality don't realise how sexual most people in my highschool were, including in year 6 (where I would have been around 11yrs old). There was so much going on around me that a lack of attraction became blatantly obvious (at least, looking back on it).

[@squidly3270]

I was 11 when i found out i was asexual, I pretended that i had crushs on these guys and girls to be normal because all my friends already had boyfriends and girlfriends and i was just single and wanted to fit in. And all my friends questioned "Hey, why don't you have a boyfriend yet?", I never had interest in love,kids,or anything. They say i was too young and that was believable but now that i'm older I still think that i am asexual and i probably will be for the rest of my life.

[@sarahm4669]

Around age 11-12 I thought it was weird that I hadn't had any crushes at all, and I was starting to question whether I was normal (I also didn't get my period until I was almost 13 despite having gone through the rest of puberty). Age 13 I definitely thought something was wrong with me, and after a whole lot of googling and wondering, I realized that I was asexual and aromantic at 14, and still identify with those labels today at 19. If not for the internet, I wouldn't have known.

[@0anyanka0]

If it wasn’t for my mum I would have never realised I was ace until I was probably much older. ♥️

[@dimonidelamort6517]

Coming out as a panromantic asexual tomorrow and this helps with my confidence. 🤣 Thank you!

[@minimi870]

I was 13 when I was first confronted with the term and it sort of felt right. But I didn't think about it much more, I was never asked about sexuality, never hit on ir anything, so I didn't care... When I was 15 I was again confronted with LGBTQ+ (during my 3 month exchange in france) and I again started to think. I started to do further research and I actually told my parents on the way home when I came back to Germany and honestly, they didn't really care either, they accepted and everything just went on like before (i'm not sure if they really got it though, as they still ask me about realationships sometimes). I talk about it with a friend sometimes (she's straight, but we just talk about stuff) And now a year later I am still sure and I keep researching

[@emmacutajar6766]

I know I'm young it's just sometimes you feel like it's all hormones but then you start to realise that the more you learn The more you realise that you feel more comfortable with it and you feel like this is you. But then again hormones come and mess you up!

[@Th3M0nst3rs3y3]

Your panda's scarf on your pillow matches your sweater.

[@audreyl.4876]

15 + Aroace (atm, as you said it may change, and I’m completely open to it)

[@user-zt4lp7fn1q]

This video really made me happy because I feel like the asexual label fits me, but I also feel like other people will think I'm not really ace because I'm only 14.

[@manuba_]

That's exactly me lol

[@phoenix65005]

I'm 14, and for a while I thought I was pansexual, but I now identify as Asexual. What I'm most confused about is if I'm aromantic or not because I personally have a hard time understanding my feelings but I've never really had a need for a relationship stronger then friendship. I've had 2 girlfriends before and in both of those relationships my behaviour didn't really change from when we were just friends and saying I love you to them in a romantic way would make me feel slightly uncomfortable. I couldn't tell if it was just too soon or if it was because I didn't feel for them in a romantic way. I don't know why I'm sharing this but I guess I just wanted to say how I felt lol.

[@Dutchandfrench]

I'm 13 and I've come out to a few people as asexual. So far I've only encountered questioning from my younger sister, who just doesn't really know what asexuality is.

[@iexist2217]

I am asexual AND aromantic, I kind of knew it from the age of 11 . It has ben a few years and i still don't feel any kind of romantic / sexual attraction . :) (idk why i wrote this lol)

[@creepycrow31]

I saw a ton of online people saying that it’s “cringy” when people under 18 identify as asexual. I identify as asexual but I’m only 14.

[@thumbylmao4429]

I realized I was bi at 12 when my friends were talking about it and I asked what it was, and when they told me I was like "yeah I'm like that". I had been attracted to men and women my whole life but thought it was normal and there wasn't a term for it.

[@wearelynnie3506]

Well- In kindergarten I threw up thinking about love, in 6thgrade While they were talking about sex Ed thought about how Cake be better then tHaT-

[@n.c.435]

yes!! I id'd as ace or ace-spec for three years (11 to 14) and then began to id as pan. people want to use that as an anti-ace argument but it's not going to be the same for everyone?? I'm pan now, and I was ace, but I'm not anymore. maybe someone used to be pan, and now they're ace. it's fluid y'know? and the label isn't hurting anyone

[@LemonTelesto]

Yeah I don't fully use the label "Ace" yet because I am only 10 but literally everyone else in my grade is starting to get romantic, and I am like "heck no please!" to it.

[@Emilie13love]

In my opinion, I think age 16 or older is the age to determine which sexuality term fits you. By that age, you know about sex, you know how sexualities and crushes work and you’ve had plenty of time to explore your options. I think anyone younger than 16-ish still needs to use the rest of their time between now and them to fully settle on what best suits them. I’m not saying you can’t change your mind after 16, it just think it’s very solid age to confirm who you are. Or at least set a good ground in case your discover you’re something different. You’re also young enough to change your mind and not confuse too many people. It sort of irks when 12 year olds say they’re gay/bi/etc when they shouldn’t be thinking about relationships or sex at all because 12 is way too far away from the age of consent. No disrespect to their preferences at all, I’m just pointing out that it’s not something they should be thinking about at that age. If you’re 12 and bi/gay/pan/ace/etc, I’m not trying to attack you, you do you. Just don’t try too hard to fit in with the whole LGBT rainbow society , it’s not something you need to worry about yet. Of course, this is only MY lone opinion, I’m not forcing you to agree. I just think that teens and preteens have bigger things to worry about than labels

[@rantaroamami813]

Emilie13love I’m 12 and I’m just doing research to know what each sexual and romantic identity means in case one day I fall under one of those labels.

[@ryn2844]

There's a difference between an orientation being fluid, and a sexuality not being fully developed yet. Not everyone's orientation is fluid, and in fact I think most people's aren't. Sexual fluidity is definitely a thing, but I don't think it's that common. When you're 14 you can definitely have a hunch that you're ace (and that hunch could definitely be correct, I mean I had a hunch something was wrong when I was 9 and now that I'm 23 I know that was probably because I'm ace af), but I don't think you can it, because most people's sexualities haven't matured by then. If you then turn out to be straight or gay, that doesn't mean your orientation has changed, it just means it matured. So if you identify as ace at 14, and as gay at 16, I would not say you were correct when you identified as ace at 14. Otherwise sexual immaturity would be the same as asexuality, which would mean everyone was asexual at some point in their lifetime. I don't want people equating asexuality to sexual immaturity, because that's not what it is. I would say you misinterpreted your orientation at 14, which is fine, we don't need to always be correct about what we think we are. We constantly learn new things about ourselves. It's not a bad thing to be wrong sometimes. It's inevitable. Obviously it's still important to respect people's labels, because if you tell them they're wrong about themselves, that's only going to alienate them and make them cling to their label more. But if you identified as ace as a teen, and then figure out you were wrong, why not just admit you were wrong? Why chalk it up to sexual fluidity? Okay so here's my personal rant, biased due to my own life experiences: I don't like it when people identify as asexual nonchalantly, and then change their mind and their label nonchalantly, because it devalues that label. It makes people take the label less seriously. My friends and family don't take my asexuality seriously because they know multiple people who used to identify as asexual, and then tossed the label as soon as they've had sex for the first time. I don't like it when people spread the idea that asexuality is just a passing identity, likely to change, because that makes people think asexuality is just sexual immaturity. I got sexually assaulted by a guy who thought my asexuality was just sexual immaturity and wanted to help me past that. So, using the label nonchalantly and conflating asexuality with sexual immaturity are two things that actually do hurt people. They are not harmless. I'm sorry, but I desperately need society to take the label 'asexual' more seriously, and to think of it as an orientation that's likely to be permanent, for my own personal safety. So, are you allowed to use the label when you're really young? Yes, of course, and I'll defend young aces with everything I have, but please please please don't use it nonchalantly and throw me under the bus by identifying as something else a month later. Please take your time to consider very carefully before you come out. Thank you.

[@raapyna8544]

It's the assaulter's fault that they assaulted you, for not respecting your boundaries, not the self-identified aces' fault. Even if you were just sexually immature, it would have been wrong for them to do so. I'm really sorry it happened to you, though, whoever you prefer to blame. It's wrong. No excuse of misconseptions justify it. In a sense, asexuality is also a lack of sexuality. I think it's more that than an orientation - an orientation gives an idea of direction. When in asexuality, there is nothing to direct. (Unless you're romantic, but it's kind of separate from sexuality especially if you're ace...) Asexuality can be sexual immaturity - wolf children are known to be always asexual. Being lesbian is also often seen as sexual immaturity, and I suppose it can be. And I think that when I thought I was very straight when I was younger, that was sexual immaturity as well. Now I know I can get crushes on women. But also quite often homosexuality, asexuality and heterosexuality will last and were correct the first time. I'm not sure what my opinion is on this. On one hand, I think people shouldn't worry so much about labeling themselves and finding explanations for why they feel or don't feel their feelings. Identity labels don't really explain anything about you - you use them to explain yourself. I have a feeling people tend to cling on labels and fear breaking the box they put themselves in, as if the label from there on defines them. (Particularly the Mayers-Briggs-sort-of-things, but even sexualities and mental illnesses can become like cages) Maybe it's a fear of losing one's identity and feeling weird and different again, not knowing who they are. But who you are in your heart has always been there and will always be. Words and narratives are just relatively close guesses of the reality. So I think one shouldn't be afraid to act outside of their identity labels. You don't exist for the label, but the other way around. On the other hand, labels can be reassuring and useful in communication even when, and especially when you aren't sure if you fit those labels perfectly. That way you can start a conversation about it and perhaps come into interesting realizations.

[@isaacgates5859]

I identified as asexual when I was 13 and 14, but rather than it being because I actually was I did it to deny being gay. Today I identify as panromantic homosexual and I couldn't be happier.

[@emiliamariaturnescu9685]

I am attracted to women only , but i figured out that I'm more into fantasy, emotional attraction , maybe a little physical by means of hugs usually :)) i don't know if i actually want to do it , only if I'm madly in love , and that doesn't always happen . Generally everything is in my head more but that is maybe due to the fact that i haven't met someone i can like very much and experiment with . But i would be so anxious damn 😂

[@beefernandes4736]

My friend said "yay or nay" the other day and I replied with "sex? Dear lord it's nay" (I'm an aroflux ace) and now that's our code for if I'm feeling uncomfortable in a situation where ppl are talking about sex. I'll just yell "yay or nay?! I'm nay!!" And she'll find an excuse for me. I love my friend so much 🥰

[@rx500android]

I am 14 and I identify as an asexual. I know myself, and I know I'm asexual. I don't see myself as anything else than asexual.

[@kellypat125]

12 is too young. Still going through puberty. Some people dont have crushes or care to date until they are in their late teens or 20s. I mean labeling yourself asexual isnt that helpful, unlike labeling yourself gay, which signals to other gay people of the same sex that you are dateable. As a 30 something person who is asexual (and never heard the term until I was 23 or so), I'm glad I tried. I gave dating a shot. I hope no young asexual represses feelings just to keep the label/identity.

[@weebkokichi3478]

It’s just that I am 12 and Asexual but the thing is all my friends have had a lot of crushes but I have not have one so I label myself as Asexual... I feel most comfortable telling people I’m Asexual...

[@Gigglehoundz]

I’m 15 and I’m biromantic asexual. Ive thought about it for awhile tbh.

[@annalloyd6180]

I’m 12 and I don’t really have any crushes anymore. It’s possible it’s just because I don’t really talk to anyone now (cuz of corona) I don think “oh that boy is cute, oh that girl is cute”. But u don’t know, I’m confused AF

[@asterismos5451]

I thought I might be ace when I was 14, but the fact that I sort of did want to have sex eventually made me eventually decide against it, and then now four years later I know I'm demiromantic. So there was something going on, I just didn't know what exactly then. I didn't really get crushes basically at all as a kid, and then and now have no interest in any sexual activities with anyone I don't have romantic feelings for. (But I experience sexual attraction to people I don't know well, so I'm not demisexual it's just sort of complicated.)

[@raapyna8544]

So you.. - feel romantic attraction to people you know well - feel sexual attraction to people you don't know well - don't want to act on your sexual attraction before you know them well and feel romantically towards them too? I mean, I feel the same way. I've always thought it's very normal for women to be somewhat cautious and serious when it comes to dating. It's much expected of us. I only develop romantic feelings towards a person, not their looks alone, so I have to know them first. Sexual attraction though is rather shallow, at least for me. But I'm still not interested in unromantic sexual relationships. I think it would take the edge off and would feel unsafe to be in a sexual relationship without being in love. To me this is common sense and protecting my life and well-being. But I have heard some people don't think this way.

[@asterismos5451]

Yeah, exactly. I'm a trans man actually, so I'm not sure how any of that relates to how I was socialized (and distinguishing between innate parts of yourself vs. preferences is HARD), but yeah. I absolutely have internalized stuff against hooking up, but even when I've worked on getting rid of those prejudices, I still can never see myself enjoying or wanting to hook up with someone I don't have romantic feelings for and know well. So I think it's often disguised by society presenting it as an ideal, so people think it's normal (and I did for years and years), which again makes it hard to figure out. But as far as I know all the allo people I know either do hook up or don't because of personal reasons, rather than unchangeable identities. I recently found the term aegosexual, which means that you have sexual attraction and can enjoy picturing sexual scenarios, but don't have a desire to actually do anything sexual. So I don't know if demi-aegosexual is a thing, but if it is, that's what I am.

[@Kvllax]

I'm 12 And Asexual I Have No Crushes. I've still not came out. I do not like people sexually or Romantic. I do not have any sexual attraction to anyone or anything. Hopefully I am ok to say this. I am not straight,gay,bi,pan ect.

[@skypeters1627]

“If you’re fourteen and uninterested in sex and all your friends are...” THAT’S FUCKING CREEPY! ALL OF THOSE THINGS ARE TRUE OF ME! It’s so hard to explain to people. My mum has said before “maybe you’ll change your mind later” it’s not just me being young or needing to hit puberty, I hit puberty years ago (my first period being in 6th grade), I wish people understood that. I’m in a romantic relationship, and I really love this person(I’m Demi-heteroflexible romantic), and I’m terrified of coming out as Ace because I’ve tried to before, he horribly misconstrued what I was saying, and I know for certain he’s not asexual. It makes me worry about the future when it’s expected, it’s not right expected now because we’re younger, and he’s said before he’s not enough of an idiot to want to try that at this time, but what about when we’re older?

[@fluffydumbun]

I learned about asexuality just recently, maybe a year ago, (I'm 14 rn) and I'm genuinely thinking that I'm asexual. I would like hugs and cuddles but nothing more. Ever. It's icky imo. I don't rlly think I've ever had a genuine crush. Maybe when I was like seven? But I think that was just me going along and liking the boy all the other girls liked. I've tried to force myself to have a crush on someone because everyone else seemed to have a crush except me but it just was weird. I rlly don't feel any sexual attraction or want to do anything more than cuddle/hug. Even those are a bit much at times. Kissing is totally gross and so is uh... All the other stuff.

[@ashleighh8140]

I’m fifteen and I first started thinking about my sexuality when I was around thirteen or fourteen. I know I’m ace now, but I’m scared to come out to my parents because I’m worried they won’t accept it or say I’m too young. But I’m not too young, because my friends have been talking about sex and what’s hot and sexy to them and it has always grossed me out. My thoughts about sex are always, well that’s really weird and awkward, and I don’t want to do that except to have kids. I think my parents will just say I’m a late bloomer but ha, look at me, i clearly did NOT develop late 😂 I’ve only come out to three people, all of them my close friends. Two of them wanted to understand it and support it, but one of them kinda jokes about it and makes it seem weird (which I suppose it is?)

[@BluePhoenixAce]

There have been studies about the age of first sexual attraction such as this one: homepage.univie.ac.at/michael.berger/lit/McClintock.pdf. Unfortunately, while they list the mean age, they don't list a standard deviation. It looks like the average age for females is 9 or 11 depending on heterosxual vs homosexual. So, if you were 9, there's roughly a 50% chance that you would experience sexual attraction for the first time after that (for heterosexual females anyway). I thought I saw standard deviation in another study and it was quite small actually. That means that just a few years after 9, the percentage drops off pretty steep. At 13, it might be about a 10% chance, and 15 more like 1% chance (I don't have hard numbers here, just trying to remember, but please reply if you find a better study). It looks like at 12, you can be fairly certain you are ace, but not too uncommon to end up finding out otherwise later.

[@whitewolf2875]

I came here right after I came out to my grandma saying I'm asexual and she said I am to young and havent met the right person. Now I am worried she will tell my mum ( who doeant know) and my mum will tell my dad who doesnt support the LGBTQIA+ community

[@adirondacknorthway]

I told my mom that i might be asexual and she said "oh you're too young" or "you're growing up to much" can anybody help me?

[@masterofthecringe1059]

Show her this video? I have yet to tell my parents, idk

[@adirondacknorthway]

there's been an update, my mom accepts it but now i have my dad to worry about. I tried telling him but he wont listen to me and tries to tell me I'm straight and that im hiding it.

[@Hello-rw2th]

starrxkitti But who would hide being straight? Wut

[@myotherhalfhi7336]

I feel that tho your parents are sometimes the hardest to convince but the easiest to talk to.

[@myotherhalfhi7336]

Adults sometimes dont make sense. Nah your definitely straight. Did you not listen to a single thing I said? Why would I need to hide being straight..?

[@BBirby]

You helped me so much aaaa! Thank you!

[@amyclarke6176]

Question: opinion on general lgbt representation and it benefits on asexuals? I came out to my gran after we went and saw love simon but an asshole claimed to movie wasn’t for me as I’m not gay. Just wondering on your opinion doesn’t have to be with regards to my experience. Also have you seen love simon what did you think?

[@AmeliaAce]

I think general LGBT rep is a good thing for ace people, because it opens people's eyes to difference and, often, helps people understand that sexuality can be fluid and complex. I think less common sexualities being represented does help ace people a little more (gay rep is great, obvs, but bi rep opens straight people's eyes to the idea that sexuality doesnt have to be binary). Their help is limited though, because without people actually mentioning asexuality in media, ace people are still going to have to give a lecture on what their sexuality is every time they come out! And I have seen Love Simon, and I totally adored it!! I'm a huge fan of the book, too.

[@lotte6219]

Idk anymore i thought i was bi but recently i have have been thinking i am either asexual or gay. I still have plenty of time to explore so i guess its fine but it is rather confusing sometimes and i don't really like that because i am not really a fan of being unsure of things it makes me anxious. The only thing i am sure of is that i am not straight but wether i am gay bi or asexual i wouldn't know

[@myotherhalfhi7336]

I feel that I thought for sure I was asexual because I feel no attraction to anyone. But sometimes I think Oh she/he is kind of cute. So am I bi. But that doesn't make sense because I dont feel like I could be more than friends with them. So I get your confusion. But im positive im asexual now I figured out there's a difference in thinking someone is cute and actually being interested. Good luck tho hope u figure it out too!😌

[@nbae1106]

I absolutely agree with this video, big yee