toxic family roles☠️

[@realhealing7802]

I was the lost child/scapegoat. I had to go no contact from my entire toxic family system. I would rather be alone than be abused by my toxic family.

[@weloveourkittens]

Me too. Over 30 years now separated from my family of origin and from the narcissistic mother who adored her first born son and babied her last born son. I am so glad I left that family and the abuse behind.

[@MonikaHeath-in9ex]

When family target you . That would mean you were a replacement. I'm having a rough time I woke up with different private parts in 2013. I have been it in psych wards saying I'm delusional. M.y ex husband is a version of Saint Germaine Jesus Adamas. Even Adamas has the power to activate hearts from Inner Earth Eve K. Een told me Adams activated Eves hearts it was a heart gasm. This Saint Germaine I'm not sure if he can do that so much has changed since 2010

[@kimberlymccracken747]

Same 👍🙏🥲

[@rubberbiscuit99]

Same. They piled on when I was vulnerable. Horrible.

[@alexandrugheorghe5610]

I was an invisible child, a scapegoat and a bit of caretaker.

[@cathychase663]

same

[@realhealing7802]

Same here. I had to go no contact to save my mental and physical health. These toxic patterns don't change.

[@weloveourkittens]

Same.

[@alexandrugheorghe5610]

Sending you all lots of light and healing. 🙏🏻

[@ksmith8793]

I live alone after being divorced twice in my 30's, now in my 60's. I was the invisible child, but I noticed that I also became a caretaker after I left home at 17.

[@mpetry912]

I have forwarded your vids to several close friends who are struggling. They really appreciate your support and insight. Great audio production by the way.

[@Hemi_Bratt_Ca]

I have done this too 🎉🎉 I think you add so much valuable & much needed love to the world. ❤

[@fishablish]

Great video as always. Growing up, I was the hero and a bit of a mascot and mediator. My sister was the golden child while my brother being the scapegoat. Now that we are all grown, being the highest achieving child in the family, I have become the golden child. My sister who has never held a job and never left home due to her severe mental illnesses, she sadly became the forgotten child. My brother is an interesting one. He tried to climb the ladder and win the title of golden child by promising my parents a grandchild. He has yet to do so so his role remains to be a scapegoat. The roles are ever changing according to our behaviors but I don’t care to participate in this game anymore. I have moved far away and will stay far away from my family for the sake of my sanity.

[@eucalipsa3531]

I was the scapegoat in our family system, there was always a shame from all my family members including my two siblings. I'm 23 now and for a few years I thought about going no contact. 4 years ago I moved on the other side of the country where they can't manipulate me that much. It's not always easy because the phones exist, but at least they can't control my life that much and in a way that they want. They don't agree with my own path and sometimes the scapegoat role uncovers again, but I'm still living so much better, I'm so glad. I have my own job, friends, hobbies and I do whatever I want in my free time. I look in a way I want and I finally don't care what they gonna do about it, or if they gonna cut me off. It's unbelieveable for me because it was always worrying about what they gonna do to me. I couldn't even wear ripped jeans. I feel free here in this city, I really can do whatever I want, whenever I want and I can wear whatever I want. Last summer, my mum tried to manipulate me and move me back to my hometown. She still tries every now and then. I'm never going back. No.

[@anitawaclawik4286]

Great video. Having come from a narcissistic style family system the roles were there but fluctuated between the 3xchildren. The roles seemed to have a fluid quality depending on the gender & age of the child plus their natural abilities. This video helped me in understanding how the roles seemed to play out in my family. Thankyou

[@allwellandgood8547]

So fascinating! ❤ I can totally see how each role played out for my two sisters and I. I was the parentified/golden child and now as a mum of teens I feel I over compensate so that they never have to feel that pressure, which I am realising runs the risk of creating the mastermind type! Thanks for another thought provoking and helpful video Dr Sage ❤

[@karentyndall7948]

I was a combo parentified rescuer and clown! Hypervigilant! Thanks for all this xxx❤❤❤❤

[@taralilarose1]

Kim....you quoted my favorite novelist and I love your peace roses! They're my fav roses! Great video girlfriend! Hug!💖

[@isagrace4260]

I’m the invisible child. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve been the hero/golden child and I hate it. I’ve hated both, but golden child is worse bc I’ve learned to disappear to survive so being in the spotlight is a pressure I hate (and exponentially worse when I deviate)

[@leoniphelan5278]

Thanks Dr Sage ❤Great video! Really clear and helpful. I am interested in viewing further content on how these roles play out with C-PTSD symptoms in adulthood.

[@StarGazer-i4w]

Thank you, Dr. Kim, for taking time to make videos to help us make sense of our lives. ❤

[@touchedbyfire99]

Your sound AND your content are both awesome now! I remember your first video - you’ve come a long way!

[@iam2038]

I was the lost child then the golden child. Was number 5 of 6. When older siblings moved out I became golden child and my younger sister scapegoat. Oldest sibling was parentified. The others were a combination of types.

[@lowellmiller6663]

I can strongly identify with three different types. The Lost Child the black sheep and the caretaker.

[@alisonj9533]

In our family of 8 children I am 2nd to youngest at 63. Everyone is screwed in their own way with all of the above. That also includes alcohol abuse, suicide and plain old I'm going to pass onto the next sibling what's been done to me attitude, probably not intended but now the parents are dead I've no reason to delve into the past they still dwell in and it freezes me incapable of any relationship because I was the one who remained hopeful to be there for my parents although they were divorced before I was 10. It didn't work out for my siblings who think I'm the favourite but nor did it work out for me but they are not interested in my account as they're too busy making sure I know there's, again! Goodbye to all of them I feel free now after some using friendships recently that I'm probably going to live my best now and save all my energy for myself and my adult child.

[@Vladimirleninputin]

🎉❤ you are amazing ❤🎉

[@lesley9023]

I can see myself in all of them

[@vicious26]

I’m a little bit of all these.

[@lennoxwasbest7587]

I think from my experience but likely many others. People could have experienced multiple of those roles at once and the degree of which one was more apparent at the time depended on the circumstances or self confidence etc.

[@SunShine2024-t2w]

Thank you for this and it is so helpful in trying to unpick such a lot of things.Much appreciated

[@HomeFromFarAway]

I would love to hewr about the combinations and how those play out. It seems rare to have only one role

[@mariahristov790]

I'm an ex golden child , now black sheep.

[@corinnaketterling449]

❤

[@heifie2540]

It ' s better to be an orphan than a victim.

[@ketherwhale6126]

What if you were the invisible child and caretaker or parentified child as your mother had 3 others after you - you had to watch. ??

[@nothingthere3959]

It does seem possible to have several roles. For example, I was the only child, so no siblings to share the roles. I was behaving like invisible child - that was my own response to the dysfunction in the family. Also, since I had good grades in school and have got education up to phd degree, I had some hero-child logic going on in my head that was reinforced by my parents, thus huge pressure+perfectionism and impostor syndrome that were poisoning my life (I though it was GC logic at first, but no, it was more about "fix this for us, make us happy", not about me being good anyhow). That was how my parent saw/treated me. I also was expected by mom to behave more maturely than my own abusive dad or some toxic adult relatives simply because "you're smart, you not like them, I can rely on you, they can't behave better, but you can, you're girl how are you going to take care of your own family" nonsense, which might have put me sometimes in caretaker's role (but mostly I refused, because they are older than me, it obviously didn't make sense for me. And that was such obvious outdated stereotypical gender logic. Mom was the caretaker, though). And on top of that, part of the extended family had their own views on the roles, to the main narc from that side I was scapegoat because to them specifically I was useless at the time. That practically some third party throwing emotional rocks at me, because of their own agenda/needs, unrelated to me personally or even my parents. So it's not something "set in stone", it's seems to be more about how different members of toxic family reacted to the ongoing dysfunction, what a kid had experienced in childhood because of that, and how that possibly affects behaviour in adulthood (mostly creates problems, so really needs to be addressed).

[@Becca0082]

Can you potentially have been all of them accept masterminds at different times in life? I was mostly caretaker. I am now the black sheep later in life because God has revealed so much of the truth in my family. Now im not agreeing with anyone, trying to find my identity again. Its like a grieving process at this point. God bless

[@kets7]

Hiii,

[@cathychase663]

Hi Dr. Kim- thank you for this!! Ugh I think I was a helicopter mom. Their dad was abusive and it was just us against the world. Your room is very pretty. I didn't love my kids more than the other though.