Toxic Parents See Their Children As Selfish Adults 💙

[@dontmindme.imjustafraidofe9327]

“You’re so abusive/manipulative/selfish/immature/demanding!” I was a _child._ My mom was just projecting.

[@boingyboop4960]

Ugh I hate those words. They can do so much damage to a child!

[@christyviolet926]

@@boingyboop4960Those words operate like a curse.

[@TheSuperRee]

“I’m sorry I was abusive, but all I wanted was to be left alone and you wouldn’t leave me alone.” I was 7. Don’t have kids if you want to be left alone.

[@animicat6688]

My parents where exactly like this when grieving a lost family member, they basically treated my brother and I like annoying pets that should just go back to our kennels.

[@TheSpiritofBeverlyBolden]

I get it unfortunately #Virtual hug

[@abigailkendrick]

Omg my mother literally had said the exact same thing to me.

[@alisonpham767]

Parents need a lone time as much as the next person. There is such thing as overwhelm as well. We all need help there. However, being abusive isnt a good justification for needing alone time. It gets passed down until someone stops it.

[@Leo-mr1qz]

That's horrid!

[@neuroqueercoach]

So essentially our parents were children mad that we weren't better parents.

[@cosmicreef5858]

What?

[@RandomPerson-nd2ey]

​@cosmicreef5858 I liked your comment in the hopes that you'd get a notification and see this explanation. They're saying that they feel that the parents are acting like the roles should be reversed. In other words, those parents view it as the child's responsibility to tend to their parents, manage their parent's emotions, guide the parents, and so on instead of the parents doing those things for their child/children. I hope that helped.

[@neuroqueercoach]

​​@@cosmicreef5858 RandomPerson is correct. Essentially, my emotionally immature mom parentified me, making me responsible for her day to day living, her emotional regulation, and most importantly, her sense of self. So when I had needs that didn't align with being a cute toy to bring out only when she wanted to play with me, she got mad at me and told me I was terrible. Emotionally immature people are constantly seeking others to be their inner parent because their own parents were not good parents. So when we have basic needs, they DARVO, blaming us for having needs because, in their emotional minds, we're supposed to only provide, not need. They look to us the way they look to everyone: looking for a parent figure to help them emotionally regulate and love them unconditionally and support them through every choice they make. That's what a parent ideally does. But when we have our own needs and ambitions that don't align with their limerance of who they decided we were supposed to be, they don't see us as being healthy by asking for what we need or setting boundaries; they see us as taking from them intentionally to hurt them. So they blame us for our own pain and expectations because if we were better 'parents,' we wouldn't be hurting them like this. I hope that clarifies.

[@FabulousCucumber-ip9hu]

Don't say "what". It's rude. In conversation, you say, "Pardon". Online, you ask specific questions about the points you're not clear on. ("what" 🤦‍♀️)

[@neuroqueercoach]

@@FabulousCucumber-ip9hu see, to me, pardon implies you didn't hear it. What implies you didn't understand it. Either way, it's semantics and not a current grammatical rule.

[@realhealing7802]

I was constantly told I was selfish as a child. I tried my best not to bother anyone in the family. I sacrificed my normal needs to be acceptable.

[@Eighties-Jadie]

I relate because I come from an abusive family. The abuse taught me not to trust and the neglect taught me to be independent and deal with my problems alone. Completely unfair and no child should be made to feel that way by their "family." I cut contact recently and will never go back

[@BronzeDragon133]

Children are not selfish. Children have *needs that they cannot meet for themselves.* That's why we call them children, not short adults. Adults who are not willing to meet those needs are selfish. Adults who refer to children as selfish for having needs are abusive.

[@Eighties-Jadie]

@@BronzeDragon133 Brilliantly said and so true

[@camkelly7900]

I see you ❤️

[@patriciaromo962]

Same since 4 for me im 11

[@jcortese3300]

This is illuminating for me -- I remember once hearing an old coworker complain that he always had to put his kids first and "Why don't they ever put me first?" and thinking to myself, "Because you're the parent, assh*le. Your kids' needs come first, deal with it." It was the simultaneously the stupidest and weirdest thing I'd ever heard anyone else say in my life. What kind of idiot expects a seven year old to put a grown man's needs first?

[@mmkw5621]

True! The older i get the more i believe that some parents just don’t deserve childeren. I get it being a good parent nowadays is not easy, but what is the point in beating them and torturing them with nasty words

[@aicerg]

My dad is probably this type of asshole, given the way he acted. He acted as if everything we needed had to be earned, food, clothes, school supplies, you name it. And he was always expecting us to love and respect him because "he is the parent". He never did anything a family man would. The house was always falling apart, ir something broke we would never see it again, everything we owned was either second hand or half fixed and put together with ropes. I honestly feel it wouldn't be far fetched to think he was assuming the children were there to tend their own needs on top of his.

[@LivingItUp810]

A 👏🏻MEN👏🏻 As an adult now, I can’t imagine what kind of pathetic mindset you have to be in to prioritize your own needs over an underdeveloped and defenseless child.

[@isabelleb.3653]

My guess is that they were carrying some childhood wounds of their own and didn’t know how to change their situation.

[@GirliePop_Z]

@@isabelleb.3653 yes

[@mrs.quills7061]

Ah, so this is why I feel responsible for everyone’s feelings, don’t ask for help and apologize for any inconvenience…

[@spacegirl226]

Same.

[@mestayou7418]

Right there with you guys. It's nice to hear we aren't alone in this.

[@mestayou7418]

Stay strong for you. I'm proud of you for vocalizing your pain and stressors. That takes a lot of courage to express those feelings. Find your chosen family, that's who you trust and feel close to. Confide in who you truly trust. We all have baggage going through life. Just find those with your matching set of luggage. Family is where you find it.

[@JohnDoe-fh8qc]

​@ClooxiI know my parents love me but they said that all the time. Whether or not they recognize it, it's hurtful and abusive. You're not sissy for feeling hurt, anxious, or scared. It's a valid emotion

[@gabrielle-AV-n-PFloyd]

Me too

[@shelmie5]

How about, “I can’t wait until you grow up and leave.” I heard that quite a bit and now my dad wonders why his children never call or visit 🤷🏾‍♀️ whatever… 🙄

[@riyasingh2729]

he wanted you out,he got it,good for him,he deserves it, he should mind his mouth,once a time he said that I can't wait for you to leave,and now let him realis how it feels when you actually never visit

[@DN-wy3ud]

Same, my mother used to ask me "what's taking so long for you to become an adult" from the time I was 9🤦🏽‍♀️

[@riyasingh2729]

@@DN-wy3ud why parents give birth if they don't like children

[@tay8263]

@@DN-wy3udmom always said the door is always open. Or that if I didn’t like her rules or how she talked to me I could get the fuck out. She’s been saying this since I was in middle school.

[@danielapolo7346]

THIS i hate that

[@LivingItUp810]

Yeah, my parents were like this. I ended screaming into my mother’s face “ I’m the CHILD! IM THE CHILD! You chose to have ME!” I’m so happy I don’t talk to those animals anymore

[@LilfoxTheHybridHylian5967]

I'll do the same thing soon enough Next month I'll be 18, I'll focus on myself and then I'll get myself together and move out. Lose contact. I'll send them money sure but because of them I have trauma

[@1nfinit3]

​@@LilfoxTheHybridHylian5967 don't send them shit. They don't deserve money for torturing you

[@aking3624]

@@LilfoxTheHybridHylian5967 Why would you send them money? They are adults, if they can't afford their life, they need to downsize or retrench. Speaking as someone who married a partner who cared for his widowed mother since he was 12.😳😡

[@FishboneAnimations]

Ill do it once i am close to moving out

[@luisapaza317]

This is a hell of a situation. Years have passed and eventually I did grow up "a little bit", now by this time I have 19 years. And ¿I am not a child anymore? ¿Don't I have any needs anymore? ¿Don't I have the money to finance my own career? Every time that I need to demand anything it is charged or tries to be charged. My mom doesn't return me the money that I lent her. And my dad, (I get angry at his constant abuses) 'cause he is the House echonomy supplier he feels in the right to demand my annoyance and anger to him. "Do not bite the hand that feeds you" If that's what my cursed existence would come down to, dad... damn.

[@kittawa]

Only now in my adult life am I learning that I'm not responsible for my parents emotions and asking for basic decency and common courtesy is not selfish, even though they may yell and say otherwise. Edited to add: No wonder being inconsiderate is a trigger for me.

[@rhondajones6219]

Me too!

[@lisabeaumont]

Being inconsiderate is a huge trigger for me, too.

[@FreyaGem]

I totally relate too

[@tiahnarodriguez3809]

@@lisabeaumont Same, especially when it’s happening to me. It reminds me that I’m not good enough and that I don’t deserve which is a huge trigger for me. Seeing someone else go through it makes me feel sick or numb.

[@luisapaza317]

Yeah, part of my experience, for real. 😂 crazy that their emotional abuse was my responsibility

[@AmyCathryn]

Wow this is so true. And even as we get older and become good people, our parents still see us as selfish for having needs and dreams that are outside of their comfort zone.

[@modusoperandiunknown]

Or needs/dreams that don't include them.

[@chatgpt4135]

It is when they choose clothes for us when we were children, or sometimes even force itchy allergic clothing on us, because children might not think deeply at that age that tgey need to find what comforts them the most and makes them more happier, and parent's chosen clothes for kids are not always the one in which kid looks good, it is satisfied or even that clothing isn't harsh rough n itchy, but that the kid doesn't know how to understand own feelings n build own choices n opinions at that age,similar to just like whatever u give to eat to a dog/cat they eat up helplessly as a blessing or food and don't know how to communicate specific choices with u eg. I like Natural rat flesh more than readymade pet food, etc. But As years by years long times pass by, Parenta don't understand they were just doing tasks for inexperienced humans not knowing how to communicate n build their own choices n firm say confidently (i. e. kids), and instead parents think n have deep belief by cultural influences too that they are 'AUTHORITIES OR DICTATORS TO RULE N EXPLOIT THE SLAVES OR MACHINES THEY PRODUCED AND BROUGHT INTO LIVING WORLD. , AND OFC DICTATORS THINK NARCISSISTIC THAT THEY ARE ALWAYS RIGHT, N EVEN IF SOMETIMES WRONG THEIR SLAVES SHOULDN'T QUESTION BACK AND NEVER BUILD OWN NEW OPINIONS' and Associate dystopian principles of 'ADULT CHILD ALSO NOT UTTERING A SINGLE WORD AND BEHAVING LIKE DUMB EXPLOITABLE SLAVE, i. e. BEING OBEDIENT AS THE CHILD WERE DURING VERY LITTLE POWERLESS KIDS' Then dystopian feudal methods of scolding, raising voice, shaming, guilt tripping, emotional blackmailing n self harm or illness threats, Wrong misconceptions building and punishing, physical n emotional violence, forcing, pressurising and coercion, etc. No difference on how a dictator like stalin think of his subjects n how such parents think of their kids

[@thingwithahoodie]

@@chatgpt4135 can you summiare this please

[@tamaramartin4015]

@@modusoperandiunknown Yes!

[@こなた-m1o]

@@chatgpt4135oh my god i made this connection too. the obsession with power is a kin to that of dictators. it’s very sick and dystopian indeed.

[@pablo9286]

A wise person once said "your parents probably did create all if not most of your triggers." -boze vs the world

[@lacy0409]

Expected to be mature as the third adult in our 3-person family, yet required to be unquestioningly obedient as a child really set me up for a lot of abuse in work and relationships.

[@Fauntleroy.]

Same. I didn't hear the cruel words outlined in the video. But, I was treated like the third adult in a family of three. And when my parents divorced, I became their separate emotional supports, confidants, and unwilling co-conspirators. They didn't overtly state that I was responsible for their needs or selfish for focusing on myself. Rather, it went without saying, because they constantly put their emotional needs on me, over and over, every day. It really sets you up for a warped view of your place in the world as an adult among other adults. And it made having any kind of healthy relationship with them impossible as I grew up and demanded normal independence.

[@Wants2knowitall]

This! I was needed to rear myself and the younger children. I was a burden to my parents and my siblings were a burden to me. I wasn’t allowed to be a child, I had to be an obedient adult. I went no contact with all of them because I was still expected to save those 40-something year old men from their stupid decisions. After all, their parents were not supposed to bail them out, I was. Screw that. I’m saving myself. And in doing this level of emotional work, in therapy and through informal learning, I am changing the trajectory of my and my family’s life.

[@veevee306]

My mother went one further: She treated me like a stranger adult, like an interloper in my own family who not only was on the outside but was rudely inserting myself where I didn't belong.

[@abigailkendrick]

That happened to me as well when I was 10 and my mother remarried

[@danielapolo7346]

I‘m sorry for you

[@Ofbishops21919]

Ooooooooo this one hits! Definitely was an intruder and an inconvenience growing up. Sorry you had to experience that man here's to us being better as grownups

[@lynn2574]

Well that was a wake up call. I have said something similar to my own child!! I never wanted to pass down any of the trauma of my childhood. Since I started trauma therapy to start healing, I’ve realized just how much slipped in. I’ve had several conversations with my daughter that are me apologizing for things I’ve said, as I’ve worked to change it. Looks like this needs to be on my radar, too. Thank you. 😢

[@Mr.Sniffles]

You’re a great parent! I wish more parents could be like you

[@mq9demo]

Hoping for you for a great relationship with your children

[@penelopemckimm]

I have the same experience. Well done for opening the conversation with your daughter, and for aiming to heal both yourself and your family. You are doing the right thing 🙏🏽

[@kirstinstrand6292]

Growing up as a neglected child, I've come to understand that children would benefit from having parents help their kids understand Emotions and Feelings, that they have and that confuse them.

[@krobbalt]

I hated my mother for years, all I wanted was an apology and an effort to be made... It took her until I was 25. Now, me and my mother are best friends. It's so beautiful to see a parent realize their mistakes and try to fix them before all that damage is done. Keep doing the right thing

[@RRthee1]

My dad recently called me selfish and a “disappointment” because I don’t visit him. Thank you for putting this out here because as you know very well, this is our present day adult experience with these people.

[@SB_McCollum]

How old are you and how old is he? At some point, definitely by the time you both have gray hairs, children do become responsible for taking the initiative to visit with and help their aged parents. That said, and even if they had quite a few asshole moments as parents, you will likely never visit as often as they might want and they are responsible for themselves as long as they are able. I had an NPD/BPD mother, I understand the torture of maintaining contact, but I also have experienced the satisfaction of not letting her collapse into destitution or die unattended. I wouldn’t want that for me and I didn’t let that happen to her. It’s tough, but it’s your call.

[@Ikaros23]

This kind of guilt tripping, is highly toxic. Just remember that a parent is a person who is responsible for more than just food on the table. That is to meet your emotional needs as a child. Then help you to learn responsibility for your own needs ( self care). If he say that you are a disapointment to his « dreams», then he is the problem. You have zero responsibility for his dreams. Your only responsibility in this life is of your own life and your own children ( til they are legal age of 18). Then they are also on they’re own.

[@SB_McCollum]

I’m not guilt tripping, I’m pointing out that we all cease to be children eventually, and get to make decisions freely out of our own moral code about how we want to treat the elderly in our own family. As I pointed out, it can remain too difficult to be around our abusive parents until we ourselves are getting to the age where we, too, have grey hairs and a sense of our own mortality creeping up. I never did hang out with my mother because it was “fun,” I made the choice to check on her because I was the adult in the room, a real one, with some conflict resolution skills, sturdy boundaries, and much thicker skin than I had as a child. It takes time to get there, at least 50 years for me, but it’s a real thing that has value if one is able to do it. My siblings have never gotten there, never helped, never let anything go. To each his own way, I never told them they had to do anything.

[@TheCatWrangler]

Wow he's really not selling that visit he wants so bad 😂... Sound like a huge guilt trip, literally! lol. Always remember - you don't owe you're parents ANYTHING for being born! This is a new-ish idea that old people did not grow up with, so they will resist it, but it can still be true. You didn't ask to be born. When they had children, they made the choice to give unconditionally to their children without any promise of return.. That's parenthood. You could have died young, or been born so disabled that you would need his care for the rest of your life.. That's the gamble when you decide to have kids! You take care of your kids no matter what, and if you were a good enough parent, maybe they will take care of you when youre old, but there's no guarantee! Tell him if he's disappointed, that's because he's comparing the real you to a make-believe version of you that doesn't exist, a version that wasn't pushed away by a narcissistic father. And he's imagining himself as a good father whose children actually want to visit him. I'm sure there's a very good reason you don't visit him... he sounds like a narcissist. A visit to family should only be made out of love... One fueled by guilt would go horribly wrong. I would have a very honest and straightforward conversation with him about how it makes you feel when he puts these expectations on you. just tell it like it is, point blank. Good for you for sticking to your boundaries and not seeing him just because he's trying to shame you. I have an idea, you could tell him you are willing to visit, but only if when you get there you can have an honest, down to earth conversation with him about why your relationship is strained or broken. And if he takes responsibility he's avoiding. Lets be honest, he probably won't ever agree to that, but that can be your boundary. Or very calmly tell him the reason why you refuse to come. I think it helps to communicate our feelings to our parents very honestly. So even if the parent never takes responsibility for their part, at least you will have done your part by communicating your feelings and reasoning and establishing your boundaries/needs. They sure do f**k us up, don't they? Lol

[@TheCatWrangler]

@@SB_McCollumoh don't worry hun, they weren't saying that you were guilt tripping, they were saying that the dad from the original post was guilt tripping, and that behavior was what was toxic. Your comment was good. What's really cool about your story is that instead of using your mother's behavior as an excuse to be horrible, you actually became the adult that you always needed in your life! Note you have that reliable stable person with boundaries, and its you! Im so glad that you made it through that experience and that you came away as a very good person.

[@susanmontgomery3968]

I always got the "Go ahead, you always do want you want anyway." I never got to do what I wanted. I always had to accommodate their needs over mine. Later on, as a teen and young adult, my toxic parent would use threats of life-ending self-harm as a means to control my life decisions. Even now that I've been no contact for 8 years, the threats come through their remaining flying monkey, who my husband and no longer speak to because of their disregard for our boundaries. We let landline calls go to voicemail and letters unanswered, but the flying monkey keeps up with the same vigor as my toxic parent who is driving their actions. It's sad that the only way to get free is to break contact, because our feelings and needs don't matter; they never did.

[@evanmax6080]

I remember my 10th birthday. I woke up and was told by a cold mother I was too old for presents or a party. I tried to hug her and she would go ridged and look away. I was told I was “evil” and That I knew exactly what faces to pull and that I wasn’t really upset. I was given The silent treatment all day . With no acknowledgement of my existence. I was treated like an inconsiderate adult and an inconvenience instead of a child. I begged my mum if I could please have a present. I had to sneak food out of the fridge to avoid being screamed at or told how to eat properly.I begged my dad when he came home from work if I could have a present. He decided to play the rescuer and took me to Chester to buy me 1 Nintendo game. While my mum sulked petulantly at home.

[@carpathianken]

Your mother sounds like a miserable cow. There's no way a reasonable adult should treat a vulnerable young boy like that on their 10th birthday.

[@linnbaader87]

Yeah, I remember being astonished at what other kids could ask and expected from their parents. I often interpreted it as my friends being rude or immature and got a shame-reaction. Most adults really appreciated how polite and helpful I was so they reinforced my behavior. I'm 34 now and started therapy just last year and I'm trying to learn how to ask for things.

[@elenid7530]

I felt the same way as a kid. Even in adulthood, before therapy, I was shocked at how my friend's kid would talk to her mom, as the same conversation would get me in trouble in my own childhood. Also so true, I was usually seen as the polite, obedient kid that would help the adults with what they need. However as an adult, I have a trouble with asking for help, but also with healthy boundaries, and knowing what I need

[@parrotsontheplateau3488]

My mom had a miscarriage when I was a kid. I remember being devastated, I was so excited to possibly get a sister ,then hopes dashed. I went to my mom a couple months after it happened and told her how sad and disappointed I was about it, I didn't do it in a way that implied she wasn't heartbroken but she took it that way, I was a kid though. She went off on me , I only thought about myself ,never a thought about how she felt, "How do you think I feel?" , she said. Apparently I was being selfish according to her. So like many other traumatic happenings ,I dealt with it alone because my feelings were never justified. I was supposed to sail through childhood reacting to nothing

[@carlabamford9154]

My dad died when I was 11 years old (I always wondered why God took the good parent!) it was Christmastime and so it was a sad Christmas. I remember being so sad that I went to my mom thinking we could be sad together instead of alone. I said “It doesn’t feel like Christmas” but before I could say another word she lit into me for being so selfish. It scared the hell out of me and I literally ran. Maybe I should have worded it differently but I was just sharing my feelings (for once) and I learned to never try that again.

[@DN-wy3ud]

​@@carlabamford9154you were 11. There's no 11 year old that can speak eloquently. It's the parents responsibility to try to understand the child. Your mom's reaction was 💯 wrong you didn't deserve that.

[@danielapolo7346]

same especially the part where you want to show compassion to her and kind of agree to her but then she’s thinking you’re selfish because it came out of your mouth and she thinks you would only consider yourself because she does. I hate this the most

[@angelofchrist4494]

My mum's husband did this to me played down my situation and accused me about faking my own rape when the guy was caught and then accused me of invalidating his feelings because his ex wife had 9 miscarriages, so according to him that problem of his is way more important, and my mother enabled all of it ,if i tried ever having a private word and I said something she didn't like she would raise her voice so he would here and come and bollock me,I would have the piss taken out of me every day after school and my mum would back him up saying can't you take a joke, it was endless and I had already been through enough with being adopted and my dad having a stroke when I was 5 years old for my mum to take her real children with her , I became a young carer at the age of 5 and was neglected to the point i was the main knit carrier of the school and was bullied, and even to this day now he sets the narrative for me to be the family scape goat , both Male role models in my life have been abusive towards me and the female role models enable it

[@AndrewDaniele87]

I remember when I was little that I expressed something similar, it was my mom's cousin who passed with cancer and I just said "I wish we got to see them more often", I got along with their kids since we were the same age. My mom's response "well we would have gone more but you never like leaving the house so we couldn't see them" ... I didn't say once that I didn't want to see my cousins, that shit (amongst the physical abuse and other verbal abuse as well from both parents) still messes with me. Oh and by the way, I was probably 12 when this conversation took place, so she blames a 12 year old for her not being able to leave the house, you're a grown woman (physically anyway)

[@MaliYojez]

Explains why every question I ever asked my father was seen as a challenge that needed to be shouted down with everything he had.

[@ssjtrunkxx]

Parents asking me the other day: What are your plans for Christmas? Me: Thinking of going to Europe. Parents: You are not coming to us??? Me: no? I already told you I am coming to visit in the summer. Parents: YOU ARE SO SELFISH. WE HAVE DONE EVERYTHING FOR YOU AND THIS IS HOW YOU TREAT US? *ignore* (Never mind the fact that I live on the other side of the world and they never made any effort to visit me in the past 5 years - but must always be me going out of my way!)

[@realhealing7802]

I have the same story. Always made to feel bad if I didn't travel from afar to see my toxic family.

[@lightshinesthroughthecrack4952]

Please just be grateful that you live on the other side of the world! Mine are only an hour away and it looms over my whole existence. If I could afford to move, I would be at the airport right now 😄

[@am-harris7458]

Same story...I moved 4 hours away 11 years ago--and my selfish narcissist mother has yet to visit me...even now, whilst I lay up in bed recuperating from a recent foot surgery! 😏😐🙄😑

[@BronzeDragon133]

@@am-harris7458 I hope you're feeling better! A friend of mine just had ankle surgery and he's doing great at week 8 and with physical therapy.

[@am-harris7458]

@@BronzeDragon133 Yes, thank you for the well wishes...I'm in a walker boot now!🌞👍🏾🌼

[@SusanLynn656]

I was my Mom’s therapist. Her anger at me came out one day when she dragged me along to the mall, leaving the house ENRAGED at my father. I sat in the front seat of the car, disassociating, my head down, my heart racing, frightened to death. “Say something, say something” she screamed at me. But I was frozen. In the recent past under calmer circumstances I had begun giving my mother advice on how to deal with my Dad. But I wasn’t prepared for how to advise her when there was an active fight taking place. I’m going to take care of that child right now.

[@nancieerhard420]

I too was constantly told I was selfish as a child. There was a moment when I was a teenager that it occurred to me that underneath this accusation was the demand, "do what I want," and I realized who the selfish one really was.

[@rainbowfoxmagicgrrrl]

when i was 5, my dad said that he would put me in piano lessons if I promised to pay him back in the future

[@stuartwesthall]

When I was 8, after trying it out in school music class I expressed to my parents that I'd quite like to learn the piano. So I got given lessons. After a year or so I realised I didn't enjoy it anymore and asked if I could stop. I got told I was being ungrateful after they'd gone to so much trouble and spent so much money, and that maybe if I didn't want that then maybe I didn't want my TV or my games or my books anymore either. I ended up playing that damned piano until I was nearly 16...

[@bookkeepingsmes2089]

I love this clip! As a child my mother used to always tell me I'm selfish and self centered. No ma, you are...

[@TheCoffeeCat]

This subject is portrayed in the movie "The Lost Daughter" by Maggie Gyllenhaal. It's a great movie about how some mothers feel that parenting is an unbearable burden.

[@lisabeaumont]

That sounds like something I should watch. I never had kids because my mom seemed to hate motherhood and I knew I’d treat my kids the same. I’ll look it up, thanks.

[@TheCoffeeCat]

@@lisabeaumont Same here! My mother was really happy to get rid of me when I turned 18 and she kicked me out, and always trash talked motherhood. So I never wanted kids. When I turned 38 (her age when she was pregnant with me), she came back into the picture and asked if I thought of having kids. Maybe she wanted to be a grandmother... go figure. Thanks, but no thanks! The movie is really good. It's more of an art movie, leaves a lot to reflection, and there's this ongoing psychological drama. Very good! I hope you enjoy it.

[@dariamorgendorffe8]

(Movie spoiler) When I explained to my mom that the way she treats me is hurtful, she said “Oh, well I guess everything is my fault. Why don’t you just stab me with a hat pin like the woman on that movie.” 😑

[@tnijoo5109]

Wow! Wow! Wow! This just explained more than years of therapy did. It feels like a shock because growing up like that you have no idea it’s not normal. And I constantly feel guilty over things I’m not responsible for. This is something I spent lots of time in therapy addressing, so this video just bringing it all together is pretty mind blowing.

[@rhondajones6219]

Watch all of his videos! They are really good.

[@mestayou7418]

You hit the nail on the head. The guilt, oh the guilt. And not knowing that treatment isn't normal. How is it possible to be told you're worthless but somehow responsible for everyone else's misery because WE'RE the selfish ones. This helped so much. It's like a lifeline to hear all this.

[@SB_McCollum]

I remember my mother would let those accusations fly at the strangest moments. Some were arrows, some were spears the size of a weaver’s beam, all of them were so confusing because the entire family walked on eggshells trying to keep her happy Every Single Day. Talk about burning your own house down around you.

[@BronzeDragon133]

"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" To a ten year old. You know what, Mom? Eff you. And nowadays, "You don't CARE for me the way you SHOULD!" Actually, I care for you a lot better than most of your friends' children. But no, I am not running out of work to fix your computer that you just deleted icons off of. I can not run out of work every time you need to be driven to a basic doctor's appointment that you didn't plan for and didn't tell me about. Cutting your grass is not an emergency that needs to be done right now at 10 AM on a Wednesday. My one vacation a year is not your excuse to queue up a solid week of work for me to do. You do not have the right to suck up all of my time for your benefit. Lincoln freed the slaves.

[@cicic5340]

Omg... I'm starting to turn into a toxic parent😭. I am so very grateful I found you.

[@erindixon2222]

This is amazing and every kids dream, to have a self aware parent. I am so excited for your growth.

[@BronzeDragon133]

Yeah, this is why I never had children. Having had two very, very toxic parents, I knew I'd never be able to raise children with anything approaching a deft hand. At least you now have a chance to learn better.

[@SparkleSun]

Pls dont be a toxic adult of your kids will probably be depressed or have axiety at a young age

[@maralfniqle5092]

Please just remember you are human too❤

[@cultivarcultivar]

This defines my covert narcissistic father. When I was 7 I had an argument with him (or he may have provoked me). Afterward my mother talked to him in the next room, and I heard him yelling “if she gives me a hard time why should I give her an easy time?!” My heart went cold then. I knew I was with a dangerous person because how immature his logic was yet he had power over me. Patrick your summary was really good. He always saw me as a 35-year-old colleague who was in competition with him.

[@theforcelockgamer2972]

It’s honestly no wonder why these parents end up in nursing homes tbh

[@Hoclem]

Growing up with diagnosed ADHD and now realizing I'm definitely on the ASD spectrum, things like this make so much more sense. I had more needs than a "normal" child, and my parents were already extremely traumatized and emotionally immature. I got all this, "it's not always about YOU", "you don't think of anyone but yourself!" Like, at the time it felt awful. Now it's like.. yes mother, an 8 year old will tend to only think of their own needs. They're 8. I think growing up neurodivergent with cluster B parents is even more confusing- without that social "knowing" buffer, I would get my parents fully raging because I unknowingly called out their incongruences. That, and being shamed for stimming and other socially "rejected" behaviors, leaving years of burnout from unknown masking.

[@JFroFoSho]

Thank you! I needed to hear this. I was parentified growing up the oldest of four siblings and our mom who was born with lifelong chronic health issues. My father and I are not speaking because of his shaming me again for the millionth time, and my mother and siblings don’t get it. I feel very lonely in my family. Like I’m the thing that doesn’t belong.

[@lightshinesthroughthecrack4952]

I used to feel sad and lonely for being the one ostracised in the family. After A LOT of work on myself, I am now glad I don't belong with them. I am starting to find my own tribe. Not many people, just one or two that are on my wavelength and understand me. I have actually met some amazing people in my local vegan group. I am not strictly vegan and went along presenting as "vegan curious'. I was welcomed with open arms...apologies, am going off point here but just to reaffirm that you don't need to fit in with them. You are a diamond in their sea of cheap glass! Take care of yourself 👍

[@juliaconnell]

JJ - and lots of love, support & understanding. you're not alone in that feeling. I'm the youngest of 5, with a big gap (7 to 13 years) between me and my sisters - I have always felt like that thing that doesn't belong.

[@JFroFoSho]

@@lightshinesthroughthecrack4952 Thanks for your insight. I’ve been vegan a couple of times in the past. I am no meat, but I eat dairy and seafood. It is much easier now than ever before. So many more plant based options coming out all the time, restaurants embracing it on their menus, and an amazing selection of produce we have available today.

[@JFroFoSho]

@@juliaconnell 🙏

[@BronzeDragon133]

You do belong. Just...not so much there, maybe. And that's NOT your fault.

[@jenrich111]

"ungrateful little shit! I would be here if it wasnt for you!" You get guilted for existing; so you try not to exist or have needs because how dare you! Parents are big and scary when you are tiny.

[@Eighties-Jadie]

Patrick you're so spot on with everything you said! I was treated like an adult when I was a child and when I grew up into an adult was then treated like a child. Their crazy making behaviour is beyond unreal and even more twisted how they expect you to obey and remain loyal to their dysfunction! Thanks again Patrick ❤️

[@chickennugget6233]

Woah!! Thank you for writing this this way! That's it!!! That's exactly it!!!!!

[@suziq3937]

@@chickennugget6233 Agreed! Well said Janie

[@brianna6694]

🎯

[@silversleeper1193]

Only correction I would make is those kinds of statements aren’t meant for adults either. You shouldn’t be putting that on your child, but that’s also not how you address a problem with your partner.

[@zephyrheartwell2416]

I disagree strongly, open and honest communication is exactly how to handle problems with adults. Just because a question/statement is sometimes used to manipulate people when it is FALSE, doesn't mean it's manipulative all the time. Such statements can be empowering to trauma survivors when they ARE true and used in a rational context. If a responsible adult is making you do all the work, then asking "Why am I doing all the work?" is not manipulative, it's sensible.

[@dharma6481]

Agree “why do I have to do everything around here?” “You never think about my needs” “I can’t believe you asked for that right now” should not be said to adults either, they are “attack” statements. Of course, the ideas are perfectly acceptable for adult conversations about needs and wants, when stated in less combative manner.

[@silversleeper1193]

@@zephyrheartwell2416 I don’t disagree with you that it’s a conversation that is sometimes crucial to be had. I just mean that the WAY you say it still matters. Phrases like this, even if correct and intended to correct an imbalance in a relationship, are formed in a manner that the person that they are aimed at is likely to take them as an attack, putting them in a defensive mode, which is not conducive to solving a problem.

[@patrickteahanofficial]

good point and yes it’s an attack vibe to adults too

[@EdieDawnJay]

well said! I don't have kids but I had to unlearn this behavior with my partner. For the longest time I thought it was normal because of my mother, and was so confused when it only made my partner dig in and fight me. I had learned to cave to these statements, hadn't everyone? thankfully they've stuck with me (because I don't make excuses, I put in effort) and now instead of "ugh I have to do all the work around here" I say "hey I need to talk to you because I'm feeling overwhelmed and overburdened, could you help do x y or z chore today so I can focus on a b or c?" And it leads to a much more mature conversation! no fights!

[@TiffanyRedGreen]

For me it's realizing I wasn't some glutton who always thought about food all the time. I was just malnourished.

[@ROYALRAT123]

I feel that in my soul.

[@krea8402]

My entire family assumes that my instability as a child was a choice I made to get my way When in reality, I was just unmedicated and uncared for emotionally and mentally. I can't recall how often I apologized because *I knew* how hard it was to deal with me and I was so incredibly sorry. Partly because they loved to tell me how hard I was to love, but also because I could always tell when they were mad but weren't telling me. The worst part is that I was the ONLY child treated this bad - my brothers learned pretty quick that if they blamed me for everything I would get the full brunt of our parents wrath without question.

[@lisad8524]

Oh God thank you! This was my mother’s go-to and I only learned how messed up this was when I had kids myself. Thank you for wording it so definitely.

[@misha2197]

Same.

[@elishacanny8793]

same

[@jesslove83]

Same. Having children is eye-opening. You see how much of a choice you have in how you act and respond to things and, therefore, how much your parents chose to act the way they did towards you.

[@pennyc7064]

Interesting! This type of language continued into my teens and early adult life until I moved out.

[@DebbieLee-dr3hr]

The big catch phrase growing up: children are to be seen and not heard. Now, in my 60s, I'm selfish. Mom raised me with a scowling grimace that got stuck when I turned 10.

[@danpow13]

Loving these shorts! Selfish parents see their kids as the selfish ones. Such a liberating concept. Thank you! Mom when she found out we were calling the foster parents mom and dad: How could you do that to me? Me parenting myself now: How did that feel for ME? (something I wasn't allowed to mention back then without major guilt and consequences)

[@abigailkendrick]

I can remember being a kid going to friends houses and being so blown away when their parents did not treat them that way, like they were allowed to be a kid.

[@Friday_The_Thirteenth]

I’ve always heard, “don’t you ever think about me?!”

[@LadyAmatsu]

Even when directed at an adult the phrase "why do I have to do everything around here?" is very shame inducing. I didn't get that one directed at me until I was an adult (over small things like forgetting to wash dishes). Due to childhood trauma, it feels as if I'm still the "selfish child" while stuck living with my parents.

[@followyourdreams8673]

I’m guilt ridden due to telling my parents that I want to move abroad (I’m 40) to work as there are little advanced job prospects where I live. They have been abrupt with me since as I’m their pet sitter when they go on holiday. I always go to their house for Sunday dinner. Since I told them I wasn’t offered any dinner today and have come home feeling awful and a rubbish daughter. Heart pounding and on the verge of tears. I needed this video today. Thanks.

[@elizabethoconnor1493]

I'm so sorry. It sounds like the reality is, you are a convenience to your parents and they care more about their own ease of life than your financial stability and wellbeing. Now they are punishing you (a 40 year old adult?!) for making the best choice for your career. It's clear they want to remind you who is in charge, in some bizarre power struggle. But you are NOT a rubbish daughter. And dear god, at 40 you have done much more in your life than just be the biological progeny of someone else. You are a whole and wonderful person with a plan for your future and a dream to pursue! DONT let them rip that from you just because they're controlling. Hold on! Go through with it no matter how hard it is. It might be your only chance to finally find your own damn sense of identity outside of your parents expectations. Don't compromise. Don't bury any chance you have of joy and freedom to be their sometime pet sitter. You won't lay on your deathbed and feel grateful for all the times you put your parents first...you'll just feel like you wasted your life and never tasted any of what the world had to offer you. Don't get cold feet now. Hold on and push through.

[@chickennugget6233]

Aww I am so sorry. That is really tough. I know it might take you some thinking time and some extra steps, but do please try to find ways to live your own life big or small. It all matters. We are cheering for you!! 🤗

[@lightshinesthroughthecrack4952]

Get your ticket booked and head to the airport and start a new life away from their toxicity. If I had the chance to live abroad, I would grab it and never let go. Good luck 💜

[@lightshinesthroughthecrack4952]

@@elizabethoconnor1493 amen sister!⭐

[@g.g.8060]

This is so helpful, thank you. My father told us how selfish we were ever since I can remember but I didn't realize a child is allowed to depend on their parents without it being selfish. Or that kids aren't born with fully developed character, knowing how to prioritize other people and their needs. Because we were NOT little adults. If only my father had started a trust fund with a dollar for every time he'd call us "takers and ingrates" I might actually have an inheritance. Instead he decided years ago to disinherit his kids since there won't be enough money to include us takers in his will 🙄

[@Mel-vb5pj]

I have said some of these things to my children - because they were said to me. I think subconsciously I grew up to have real wounds around parenting. I was parentified as a child and made to be responsible for my siblings, took abuse from my mother. I always thought I’d be different with my kids, but soooo many things came to the surface as they grew out of babyhood. I suddenly found myself frustrated with them just like my mother was frustrated with me. I’m in therapy now and determined to break this cycle once and for all. Toxic parenting doesn’t just harm the child, it harms future generations as well. I understand my mother a bit better now, and I forgive her for not having the strength and wherewithal to fight this battle that I’ve inherited. If any of you is going through massive growth and evolution within your own family, I’m sending you all the encouragement and grace. Your issues where handed to you before you could put up a boundary. It will take work, and much pain, but you CAN do it. Never give up, never surrender❤️

[@PaninaroAurora]

I decided not to have kids at all due to my experience with my parents growing up. My mom told me directly that I was selfish and self-centered starting when I was five years old. It's OK to feel worn down by chores as the parent and express that, plus ask the kids to help you out... but it's *not* OK to get angry at your kids and call them selfish because of that. I believe that almost certainly if I'd had kids, I would have said the same thing to them out of frustration and exhaustion. I did not want to keep the cycle going.

[@lestranged]

Parenting *is* a lot of work and sacrifice- a burden even- but people should know that BEFORE having kids. I didn't have any kids because I know I can barely handle just taking care of myself (on my lowest days) and knew I was not cut out for the burden of parenthood. It wouldn't have been fair for any child. But now half the US states are about to force women (and girl children) to have children that they know they cannot handle or take care of. I really worry there will be a generation of unwanted kids doomed to lives of deprivation and trauma. Because these same "pro-life' states will not have any additional programs to help the kids once they are born. They only care about unborn clumps of cells, not actual walking talking children who need services.

[@tamaramartin4015]

That's because the clumps of cells can't ask for anything; they're a convenient and quiet prop. i have the same worry as you about all these kids to come and what their lives will be like.

[@ItsGlitters]

"A Child should feel safe to be a child, and not parentified into an adult role." I never knew I needed to be told this. Thank you so much for making this video--it speaks to my inner child in ways I never knew I needed.

[@ContrastY]

this is especially true when the parent has an unresolved addition issue. As a child you are always in the way when Mom and Dad want to get high.

[@jesstallfeather]

Thank you Patrick, so very true. You made me laugh with the bull**** call out, :) Yea, here's one for you, I grew up really poor, rural and it was the 1970's. Raging alcoholic horribly physically abusive father to my mom, my siblings, my self, our pets, farm animals etc.... We had to scrounge for everything basic. When we even dared to ask to get something we really needed, like new underwear or socks, this was his go-to response "People in Hell want ice water too". WHAT? And that was the end of the conversation. My mom usually asked my grandmother to help us out but she was so ashamed to do that. Some people truly should NEVER be parents!

[@SpiritSoPoetic]

🥺 im so sad for my childhood sometimes

[@luludu4770]

I confronted my mom today with the crap she pulled. I didn't even drag up every instance of stuff she did (I don't remember everything), but I made it clear that I remember her physical and emotional abuse. And I told her that I don't even hate her. I am just tired of it, tired of her and if we can't change our way of interacting with another, I'll be too tired to continue caring about her and that she shouldn't be surprised then if I cut off the last bit of contact we still have completely.

[@1cherie1]

So dead on. Always told I was selfish as a child. And the door slamming and loud vicious complaining about everything could be heard all over the house, day or night. It was traumatizing. Each parent was toxic and abusive in different, terrifying ways. And sure enough, I tick all the boxes of an adult survivor.

[@toughenupfluffy7294]

When I asked my father to teach me his trade, he said, "I learned it from a book, why can't you?" I will NEVER learn electronics as long as I live. I refuse to follow in his footsteps.

[@WingedHuman]

My mother had tons of rants about how she's a victim and nobody supports her (and granted she did have it tough), but she would regularly complain about that and about her work and other adult problems. I think that did affect me, looking back. I have a ton of trouble asking for help and I worry a lot about keeping things "even" between me and others, not wanting to owe anything to anyone.

[@3rdeyelife234]

I got those exact comments when I was growing up. All while being abused every other day for years. 😔

[@eurokay4755]

Requiring common courtesy and consideration from my mother and older brother was, apparently, the straw that broke the camel's back for them. I'm no longer subject to their sick manipulations because I accept that they will never accept or approve of me. They seem not to be able to bear this or have an alternative way to interact.

[@jamesdenman8031]

Having two horrible parents broke me in many ways, but it was society knowingly doing the wrong thing by abused children that isolated me from the world

[@Vic_T_234]

Yep this was me. I was that target. The worst one was when my mom would buy stuff and my dad instead took it out on me. When my sister acted up I was also in trouble for no reason.

[@avertthymortaleyes3460]

I am so alarmed at how common this problem is. Trauma and abuse in family environments is rampant. Its somewhat therapeutic knowing we are not alone in this battle and there are open spaces to talk about it.

[@gabrielleg.1347]

My BPD mom was obsessed with calling me selfish from a very young age. She gave me the nickname “the Queen of Sheba” when I was 7 and would call me it in front of family friends as a way to humiliate me. I remember being 12 and her saying “you are the most selfish person in the world” and I am incredibly grateful that I didn’t believe her because I didn’t respect her or think she was sane by then but unfortunately I can see how this plays out today with me worrying about being a burden to my partner.

[@moniqueloupe8867]

My parents never actually said "Do you ever think about what my needs are?", but their scoffs and facial expressions said it for them. In response to requests for things any child would ask for, they laughed sarcastically and would say things like, "Well, I never had that as a child." As if what I was asking for was ridiculous. It hurt so much that I became terrified to ask for things, even a gift for a classmate when I was invited to her bd sleepover. When I first heard someone say, "I want my kids to have a better life than I did", I realized that, especially my dad, spent a lot of time and money making up for the things he never had: a huge yard, a 3 story house, a boat, but a soft drink at McDonald's was too expensive for my sister or me. My mom largely exacerbated this behavior pattern. Everthing was " too expensive" and had to be "on sale". She said she was afraid of him, but I wasn't allowed soft drinks when we went to visit other people and the drinks were offered for free. Anyway, I have a huge wound related to all this, and I suspect it's much deeper than I can wrap my head around. My sister doesn't seem to have this same wound, but behaves a lot like my mom in response to spending money. She once asked her husband if she could buy a lip gloss at Walgreens when she had a really good job. It has even caused a wound in our own relationship. This shit is so pervasive.

[@ericak456]

Oh my god they're both insane not just my dad.. very enlightening. So tired of feeling guilty for breathing!! 10 years of not being enough but I've been enough the whole time, it's hard to feel full and complete when someone is committed to draining you

[@DeanBeanSubmmarine]

This speaks to me. ESPECIALLY as an only child. So much pressure & shame was put on me and me ONLY

[@blaize924]

this hits different. When I was still a kid, my mom did outright just say "you're so selfish". this was abt 10+ years ago, now its a core belief . This video makes total sense

[@Cecilia-il7uw]

This made me cry! All the shaming, the blaming and the ridicule.Thank you! Now I understand that her behavior was never my fault.

[@FreyaGem]

Thank you for the mantra that I can carry in my pocket: I don't create other people's feelings. (That is b@#$#@t). That belief is so intense from my toxic parent that I tend to be hyper-vigilant of people's facial expressions, and if I feel they're judging me at all I immediately start internalizing it and thinking I must have done something wrong. It's hard work uprooting this garbage. But I'm glad to have support in the work.

[@Laura-kl7vi]

SO True! Some say "You're so selfish!" directly.

[@niteleit]

I'm 53, he still sees me as a selfish adult. I've never been so seen by a video before. Thank you for sharing your content. It's been incredibly helpful in my healing.

[@avibeontherun]

I over apologize for things that dont even need an apology because i dont want to be seen as a burden and ive always wondered why

[@juliechen8710]

Yesss. Thank you so much for saying this so clearly! It is devastating to deprogram the core beliefs they put in us as children that we are selfish, shameful and are always at fault while we must excuses for others. Parentifying children should stop. “Children should be safe being children”

[@autodidactic]

My mother's favorite thing to call me was "selfish". Oh, and pathologizing everything I did or said or thought. I still feel like I'll never be normal.

[@candacethecreative]

Whoa… I didn’t realize I was doing this to my child. Thank you for this.

[@ForestNymph3]

My mother traveled for work and left 4 kids with an emotionally absent and abusive father. The first time I stood up and said I wanted to hang out with my friends at 13 instead of going grocery shopping with my mom (because she was home for the weekend) I was called spoiled and selfish. It cut me so deep, all I ever did was do for my parents. Their fights were usually my fault along with their feelings. Obviously I’m still trying to wade through the muck.

[@MetalDeathMusic]

This is exactly how I feel all the time. My parents were both abusive, but also absent in raising me to be an adult in any form. There was a ton of physical, mental and emotional abuse and neglect from both sides. Now I'm basically useless as an adult and my Father flat out denies doing anything wrong. I'm trying my hardest to teach myself a new way to live and feel, but it's honestly not working. I go to therapy but it's like the wall is too high to reach myself if that makes sense. I go to therapy but any advice would be great. I can't live like this anymore.

[@sedonarose7563]

I have to Really fight against that with my own children. I am frequently struggling between teaching them to be responsible and helping with helping w the household chores and adultifying them. When I’m in a bad mental space I really do feel so resentful toward them and see them as selfish adults. I have to fight it.

[@abbynever4992]

Yeah, that’s what I had been feeling for quite some time. It’s like I was either a little adult (just not pulling her weight) or a like a baby who can’t possibly have opinions or actually reasoning.

[@Bellin7839]

What’s sad is that some states don’t allow children to be taken out of an emotionally abusive household. My father is an alcoholic who doesn’t hit us (he used to and he hit me recently) but makes us do things as “punishment” like push-ups in our own shit or throwing away literally everything in our rooms and the whole house for days on end. Some things need to change.

[@williamwester223]

Unfortunately my mom is like this and has a lot of other annoying mental damaging and hypocritical toxic behaviors

[@torihanna8670]

And interestingly, as an adult in a safer environment, I find myself really enjoying cleaning and keeping my space clean, whereas as a child, I was called spoiled because I never wanted to do those things. I think doing chores meant having to engage with my toxic parents and leave my room and possibly have them berate me if they were in a mood. If the environment had been safer, I wonder how much more willing I would have been to contribute to it.

[@Em_Powell_KC]

What is challenging is now I am an adult… I really don’t remember the details or comments of when I was a child, but it feels harsh now.

[@annad6519]

Patrick, are you talking to me directly? I’m sure many of us are thinking that as we squirm through the uncomfortable flashbacks of our family interactions. The sad part is that it took me decades to realise that shame and guilt were the two base ingredients in those conversations. I fell for them every time. Apologies became automatic. I thought I knew without a doubt that I must have been in the wrong. Anyway, thank you for these (validating) videos - you’ve hit the nail on the head again!

[@KariSuttle]

Yes. I was treated more like an adult than my mom's child a lot. It was very impactful for me to realize that I am not responsible for other people's emotions or actions.

[@rinakellogg8208]

Yes. I did everything in my house from the time I was 8 or 9. If I didn’t clean the house it didn’t get clean. I can remember being a kid and thinking I better clean the windows today cause it’s gonna rain this weekend & I realized that it wasn’t normal most teens were worried about who they were going to hang out with not what things needed to be done around the house. It was expected of me to do everything because I owed them for paying for a roof over my head and feeding me. I did the holiday decorating (put up the tree and lights), the gardening, the laundry, vacuuming, cleaned the cars (inside and out). My parents had to hire a maid and a landscaper to replace me when I moved out & they were super pissed about it!! They still expected me to come to their house every week and clean everything even though I was married with a child and working full time. It’s never enough. I could give them everything I owned, every penny I have and it still would never be enough. I struggle now with having my kids help around the house cause I don’t want them to ever feel that way so I have them clean up their room and make their beds, help with dishes & clean the table after dinner but they are 9,11 & 14. I could never expect them to do everything it’s sad how crazy some parents are. I was definitely the adult and my parents are the children.

[@kate3464]

Speechless! I literally felt a HUGE emotional release just from listening to you! Thank you, God bless you!

[@angeeangela9500]

When ever Patrick talks his like everybody friend...Thank you Patrick for being friendly, welcoming and just humble 🧡🧡🧡🧡🌎LOVE FROM SOUTH AFRICA

[@meganrose4546]

Wow so that’s what that is?! I remember being about 10 years old and I had those little popper things that you throw on the ground on forth of July. I was throwing them on the floor in the entryway and my mom comes storming over to me, grabs my arm and says, “you’re going to make me lose my f***ing relationship”. She played the victim all the time. I remember if we weren’t hungry or didn’t like something she made she would pout and make us feel really guilty. Like we were hurting her feelings or something. She’s an alcoholic btw. I always felt like the adult in the relationship and she was the child. This video made me realize that I was gaslit and made to feel responsible for her happiness my whole childhood. To the point that I still compromise my feelings and experiences because I’m afraid of her reaction. I always thought she would hurt herself and it would be all my fault. Thank you so much for the new insight. 💗

[@brittanywilcox7377]

Oh you must know my mother! 🤣 She was very upset with me that I wouldn't visit her when she had Covid

[@sarahhamilton5572]

These words really spoke to my inner child and are exactly what I needed to hear thankyou

[@alysonsylva]

I remember my mom bragging to her friends that was so good in stores. She would take me to the book section and drop me off. Then she could shop to her heart's content and even before I could read I was just sit there and look at books until she came back. We were also told children should be seen and not heard, and those were the days when if you went to school with bruises all over your head and you said your dad hit you with your phone (The kind on a long cord) they just asked if you wanted to go to the nurse.

[@lms1068]

You just described my entire life in 50 seconds. I've broken contact down to basic niceties, quick check ups, and very little else with my Mom. It's through watching videos like this I'm learning how to live a life of my own choosing.

[@soozshooz]

“ Go Ahead! Go to College!! But don’t think I’ll forget this!!! “

[@teolinda6540]

the only way I connect to my inner child is when I finally get to my room and watch funny videos

[@drvren030]

in the midst of the serious, hard hitting words, the beeped out curse word was funny 😂 actually brought a laugh to my face in spite of how touched I felt

[@cara0405]

SUPER impactful and point is perfectly articulated! Every child-and adult, needs to hear this one. It IS ok to be a child when you are a child, and not need to apologize in any way for it, ever.💎

[@AskDarlingNikki]

OMG THIS IS SO HELPFUL! My parents were like this and I didn’t know it was harmful until I became a mom and I struggle to discover what normal expectations of a child are and they my best not to treat my kids like my parents treated me. Sometimes this is so hard because of what normal for me and trying to figure out what’s normal and harmful. I am in therapy feeling like I am repairing and RE-PARENTING myself as I continue to parent my own children. Sheesh the long term affects of abusive parents who refuse to see themselves to this day is really hard

[@MarthaHW]

Oh wow. I needed to hear this.

[@brittbaker674]

My mom favorite catch phrase when things don’t go right in her fantasy of life is Britt is selfish and inconsiderate. Meanwhile I’m working like a dog in a stupor trying to make things right and she won’t accept the offer to correct the problem that’s not even really a problem to begin with. One blip and she’s calling everyone who pick up to tell them how selfish and inconsiderate I am. Let’s not forget manipulative like what I’m 8. This still happens but I remember truly seeing it beginning around 8. Exhausting.