Tunnel Kings | Chapo Trap House

Episode 796 - Tunnel Kings (1/9/24)
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Art/Animation by Emily Halaka @emilyhalaka
We had some other news items to discuss, but the bulk of this episode is taken up with one piece of breaking news: Did you know that there's a tunnel under Eastern Pkwy? Yes we’re discussing the ridiculous story out of Brooklyn about a group of Chabad-Lubavitch members attempting to dig a secret and unlicensed tunnel under the streets of Crown Heights. We also take a look at Bill Ackman facing some blowback against his wife in his crusade against “academic plagiarism”. Alone, you come India.
Buy Amber’s book: us.macmillan.c...
#chapotraphouse #chapo

[@Reid52]

Glad to have Amber back, please bring her back to co-host at least semi-regularly

[@dirrdevil]

This takes me back to my suburban childhood of digging a big ass hole in the corner of the back yard, and my 2 neighborhood friends joining in because we wanted to make a hole for it's own sake. Now, if I had 200 friends we would have made tunnels everywhere.

[@GrimReader]

Reminds me of my childhood being sent to a child jail camp where we had to dig holes all day every day looking for some ridiculous treasure

[@justcommenting4981]

​@@GrimReader I had a similar experience and it lead me to becoming a neurotic border line Andy Dick style alcoholic.

[@lobodip]

Amber rules! Welcome back Amber!

[@shanemac1646]

Folks! Folks! Our amber is back! Some said she’s our least favorite chapo! Remember their very NASTY! Very UNFAIR!

[@lukeguilfoyle2425]

@@shanemac1646 very unfair when Virgil exists. Not good folks!

[@debra-sue]

virgil is just an urban legend

[@RIP_Greedo]

Tunnel snakes rule. We’re the tunnel snakes. That’s us. And we rule!

[@Cryin98]

This is the final straw, Mr. Chapo. The ADL WILL be contacting you within the week. 😤

[@stefanoalves8862]

The Mr. Chapo makes it like Sebastian Gorka is delivering the message for the ADL. Kinda fits, considering they decided that was ok that Elon Musk is posting actual antisemitic shit because he is pro-Israel.

[@Erisblackstone]

Damn this was a great episode. I’ve missed Amber.

[@lukeguilfoyle2425]

Me too, now we just need our big Midwestern boy back and the gangs all here.

[@alanfulcher460]

@@lukeguilfoyle2425still missing somebody

[@jschnabes13]

He always sucked, glad he is gone.

[@lukeguilfoyle2425]

@@alanfulcher460 Virgil died on the way back to his home planet

[@deathmagneto-soy]

@@lukeguilfoyle2425 - Matt is currently reassembling himself like Dr Manhattan.

[@Go_Home_British_Raj]

this Hyperloop is taking a while

[@fearan9406]

an underground railroad for the 21st century, hyperpoop

[@Go_Home_British_Raj]

disrupting the sewer grate monopoly @@fearan9406

[@janosmarothy5409]

And just like that, fresh new layers of racism are discovered in Lovecraft's "The Rats in the Walls"

[@Benu54321]

There was a guy a little while back on twitter who thought he was going crazy because he kept hearing Jews under the floor.

[@vivianvivian3609]

lol i know exactly what ur talking about, its fake apparently, hate to burst the incredibly squeaky and funny bubble@@Benu54321

[@ThePulaskiPumper]

@@Benu54321 he should sue them for pain and suffering.

[@phiscz]

@@vivianvivian3609 i assumed considering the dude's hitler-youth ass haircut in his pfp, sucks that that's true

[@RumHam5570]

Welcome back, Amber!

[@phillip5245]

I for one welcome our new Hasidic Morlock overlords.

[@samali9342]

Mossiach confirmed to be Master Splinter.

[@paulgallagher5889]

Fellahs, how do we get closer to our ancestors and our faith? *Diggy Diggy Hole starts playing*

[@PhantomAlucard]

I'm a Rabbi and I'm digging a hole

[@TotalllyUseless]

Deep yogscast cut

[@jschnabes13]

Dwarf Pill is best pill.

[@stefanoalves8862]

Are the Hasids saving the molechildren, abusing the molechildren or the molechildren themselves?

[@tommyhowsthepeeping]

the real molechildren were the friends we made along the way

[@BigHomieGayAss1917]

Yes

[@maryfolles1168]

glad to hear amber again

[@debra-sue]

her unguarded laugh is my favorite form of lithium 😩

[@marcuswalters8093]

4:19 I had to Google what the fuck was happening. Imagine the satirical cartoonists trying to figure out how to depict this without getting themselves fired. 28:55 I got that reference.

[@justcommenting4981]

Has anyone seen people try to normalize digging secret tunnels when this is brought up? "Like there are tunnels all around us actually. This isn't weird."

[@jakelloyd9482]

No but I’m gonna now

[@fightthepowerman]

Bro my town loves tunnels so much we have 400 year old tunnels linking everyone's cellar to the pub on the corner. Its horrible. Tunnels suck. Do you know who doesn't need tunnels? All peacetime peoples who don't mine.

[@raeroa7982]

And no one can explain why they're so enraged!? Ok, fine, they built a tunnel during COVID to sneak in...why freak out now?

[@justcommenting4981]

@@raeroa7982 "pshh this thing? This secret tunnel? It has been here for so long dude, like 2 years. This bothers you? Pfft."

[@hemingshark327]

there aren't tunnels all under us, but it would be good if there were

[@skiptoacceptancemdarlin]

2 minutes in and i already want Will's lunch money

[@jordand5555]

I would like to dedicate this pod to the brave hootie and hez fighters in the red sea

[@phnix6242]

Hoooty hooty Hooo

[@jjmail1971]

RIP the Blowfish

[@phiscz]

o7 much respect to the troops

[@debra-sue]

we do not disavow o7

[@rossfromfriends8468]

The NY cop asking if the guy is from isreal is so funny idk why.

[@function0077]

This chapo episode is magically hilarious (crazy new york jews, dipshit college professors, Taylor Swift's sexuality, the insanity of Stephanie Meyer, etc.).

[@Sudderdwn]

And Amber !!

[@justininfrance]

Respect to the bros, but Chapo is way, way better with Amber.

[@AW-sx8hm]

Even if it's just because she's the only voice you can pick out when the lads start talking at the same time and kind of meld together into the same voice

[@Janon48]

I feel so bad for Jewish people tbh. Like, the imagery of that guy crawling out of the tunnel is so hilarious that I can’t help but laugh my ass off

[@Enothrae]

As soon as I heard about this I wanted to know the Chapo episode on it

[@African_Rose]

Hasids putting the L's in ADL

[@jj947]

Two lovers, forbidden from one another

[@awebb274]

I forget some of the words but then it goes SECRET TUNNEL!

[@jayn9559]

I used to live the neighborhood, that's not the only tunnel that they have, the whole neighborhood is very eerie, if your passing by. But the soup kitchen there is very much on time

[@Mark-jr6ld]

TUNNEL SNAKES RULE!

[@justsaying7979]

This made me laugh... Picturing some poor asshole trying his best to just live his life and then he starts hearing these hasids digging around through the walls... Like, what do you do in that situation lmao

[@undeniablyfunk5497]

What if it was hidden funnels instead and they were secretly super dope frat boys

[@thebrocialist8300]

Tell your mom, she left the funnel on my bed after it fell out her ass. I’m about to dispose of it. It’s making my room smell foul. 😷

[@carlrs15]

hell yeah dude

[@missyrotchford2888]

We love our Matty!

[@chocodoco4855]

I AM A DWARF AND I'M DIGGING A HOLE, DIGGY DIGGY HOLE, DIGGY DIGGY HOLE.

[@mohr4less]

I’ve read three articles about this and still have no idea what is actually happening with this tunnel or why I should care.

[@AW-sx8hm]

It's a religious institution with hidden tunnels and back entrances. It's probably child violinists.

[@Special_Agent_NSB]

They believe the long since deceased Reb Schneerson is their messiah and they were trying to tunnel into his former house after a court barred them entry.

[@garcalej]

And here I thought those Coptic monks constantly moshpitting over who gets to sit in the shade of the Holy Sepulchre were crazy. Bet they’re all reading this now and thinking “shit, why didn’t WE think of that?!”

[@alexanderphillips8489]

DigDug fanbase in shambles

[@Tplwtch]

I am more surprised they didn't condam Hamas for giving them Tunnels' envy

[@shoxx48]

But Hasidic Jews are the good guys right? I saw those videos of what look to me like Hasidic Jews fighting the IDF in Israel and raising a Palestinian flag. And I've seen them show up for pro-Palestinian protests in the US. So I'm under the impression they are anti-zionist?

[@commenter381]

​@@shoxx48They may be anti-Zionist, but that's not enough to make them the good guys. They're like a cult.

[@shoxx48]

​@@commenter381- Ah K, thx for clarifying

[@rapalbumdepot7648]

Im here for the tunnels

[@shoxx48]

People yearn for tunneling; we were meant to tunnel

[@abstractalien12345]

Tunnel sects rule!

[@severalwhitespaces]

They need to revise the traditional garb to leather jackets and greased back hair. That'd be sick.

[@Houtont]

@@severalwhitespaces Can't forget the switchblade combs.

[@banjo304]

Tunnel kings rule. We're the tunnel kings! That's us, and we rule, rule, r-r-r-rule!

[@BigHomieGayAss1917]

Butch DeLorowitz: “Oy vey! You got to go in there and help my bubi, she’s being attacked by New York City Radroaches!”

[@patrickholt2270]

Tunnel Snakes from Fallout 3?

[@totonow6955]

Has there been an update about Matt? Not to violate privacy but if we could just know a direction of how things are going. I miss Matt.

[@thextopher]

Yeah they said on the 1/4/24 episode he's recovering and they're waiting for his return to talk about it on the pod. He put out a xmas pic with his wife and baby and he's been posting on Twitter

[@bitteralmonds666]

His PENUMA is coming along whale. 🧉🦄👌🏽

[@justcommenting4981]

The patriots are in control. Fear not. Watch the skies.

[@justcommenting4981]

@@thextopher fuck. I'm not using twitter. So he can read and shit? Good sign. Or is he posting like jkkmm asdhtymn lhtt?

[@Longuncattr]

@@justcommenting4981 His posts have been gradually, steadily getting more coherent over time.

[@awdgaray]

Oh damn didn't know Hasid had a hidden Imam

[@vivianvivian3609]

Honestly they were so right for that (all i know is that they were digging tunnels, which is based, pls dont come down on me too hard if they were actually digging like portals to hell)

[@moody7470]

King shit

[@vivianvivian3609]

Just dudes chilling, being tunnel oriented, together...

[@Special_Agent_NSB]

They believe the long deceased Reb Schneerson is their messiah and they were trying to tunnel into his former residence after a court denied them entry. The truth is stranger than fiction.

[@jman7826]

At least he didn’t have to do the whale dictionary chapter lol

[@hellmoney9688]

I wonder what movie this story reminds Will of, guess we'll never know

[@phnix6242]

3096 Days Story of Natascha Kampusch who was held in a secret basement and was abised.

[@rossfromfriends8468]

He's Just in the final stages of movie mindset. Have some compassion please

[@wall8080]

Heyyy it’s BT Amber

[@goblin8161]

Back in the mix

[@nicoleszacharia2624]

as a grad, the media lab is an embarassment to that institution.

[@marcuswalters8093]

Hang on; Chapo hitting KZbin on the same day it was released?

[@nickbooze9766]

Seattle JUST fired Pete Caroll. wtf

[@augustgurtisen]

And not a moment too soon. Seahawks need to suck for at least 5 years for the fans to go back to normal levels. I've always hated the 12th man garbage, it's completely unbearable.

[@xaza8uhitra4]

love to see guys being guys

[@patrickholt2270]

God bless 'em. I respect that kind of faith, and the ambition, the "no, we just have to keep building the wardrobe and we're going to Narnia" commitment of it. That's not how they're going to find Messiah, they're about 5 and a half thousand miles out and 2000 years late, but I honour the effort. I also don't see how a schul could ever poduce that kind of a figure, who would have to combine miracle working with the revolutionary zeal and leadership ability of Fidel Castro, I feel like they're teaching the wrong skills in those environments, but God bless them for trying.

[@RumHam5570]

I mean, yeah, respect. I struggle to get 5 of my friends together for a game night.

[@comment_section4766]

I still have no clue what this is all about.

[@sirtophamhatt]

It sounds conspicuously like it's about making fun of Chasidic Jews, a pastime best carried out in private.

[@debra-sue]

its just a bunch goodtime boys goofin around, very uncomplicated

[@nicolev2028]

“This is so bad for the Jews” Felix seems to be tickled by this Also this is bad for people who are not anti Semitic but we did see a Jewish guy coming out of the tunnel no I’m not some right wing conspiracist no I am not on schizo meds I swear he was right there he ran away

[@xartyomxX]

It was very funny antisemitism just had to kill the mood.

[@justcommenting4981]

@@xartyomxX I have ceased to care about antisemitism except where it is against the Palestinian right to be alive and drink clean water. Like point to the antisemitism on a doll and show me where it hurt you. It is Christian satanic panic at this point. The sickos are in the church and they are gooning.

[@xartyomxX]

​@justcommenting4981 very cool.

[@Benu54321]

​@@justcommenting4981 I would argue the antisemitism touched where those synagogue shootings happened a few years back. It's absolutely real thing that does harm to Jewish people around the world. Israel's constant conflation of it's genocidal aparthied state with ALL Jews is antisemitic. Just don't trust accusations of it made by Israeli institutions, particularly against Pro-Palestinian orgs without checking their claims.

[@stefanoalves8862]

0:38 [that video of the hundreds of guys at the pub cheering]

[@rishishard4742]

Katy Perrys main fanbase is cishet gym bros just so you know

[@rapalbumdepot7648]

Monterey Bay Aquarium >> New Bedford Whaling Museum

[@rapalbumdepot7648]

I can get you a tunnel by 3 PM

[@arlochapple]

Tony Millionaire rocks

[@debra-sue]

Judes Rock Moment

[@f1aziz]

Is this something as innocuous as two Jewish factions competing for control over the domicile?

[@dvnmaycry]

That's so absurd itself too and it's so far away from innocuous when you add in this plays into a Messiah figure struggle

[@f1aziz]

@@dvnmaycry I know right, but I could bet it's just a real estate dispute that blew out in the open, literally, laughable as it is.

[@No.0.o.0]

Amber with the lovely on here

[@alfref]

A great episode, much needed 👍👍👍

[@robertkarnick1286]

Will is upset he couldn’t get into Club Haunted House

[@gz5163]

PREACHER MENTIONED 👍

[@WoziBeatz]

I think we need an update on this story. Wtf happened. It was a story for 1 day only.

[@marcusbenjilake]

"it's like the raid" omg ded

[@cleverkuo-toa644]

WOOOO CHAPO CHAPO CAST WOOO ALL I WANNA BE IS CHAPO I LOVE CHAPO WOWEEE WOOOOO!!!! 🎉

[@Justdave644]

I FUKING KNEW IT!

[@CMike44]

Ackman owes me money for PSTH

[@monkerud2108]

and i thought my story was implausible.

[@herbhealsus]

So wait. Who over saw the concrete job? The NYPD? Not sure if you know anything about construction but you can’t just pour concrete in a hole you need rebar and shit

[@alexpkeaton4471]

It's New York, they just throw a few snitches or witnesses into the mix.

[@ThatDumbCat-Girl]

Does anyone know what track is playing @28:48? Its been stuck in my head and I can't remember where I first heard it... I feel like I know it but I can't be sure

[@ThatDumbCat-Girl]

Wait, it's in the ding dang description. Heck.

[@blindthrall]

They did outsource the labor though.

[@xXREdWInDSXx]

Tunnel love.

[@monkerud2108]

idk, when an old hasidic jew takes a bath, it does become international waters, pretty sure.

[@joeyrufo]

42:53 You know, MIT does have a tunnel network. I don't remember for sure whether it goes all the way under the media lab, but it's pretty extensive! 👀

[@SUPERBURLBOYROY]

Love tunnel ❤

[@russlcorey]

Sounds like Jewish Akira

[@FunkMcLovin]

Amber I read your book. It was pretty good 9/10 but be nicer to the Anarchists

[@tomrobbins5242]

High chairs, soiled mattresses.

[@nolanduarte]

Bloodied

[@joshuamarx8209]

Seek help.

[@oscarpistorius3710]

Where's the episode where Amber and Matt talk Taylor?

[@jamescoll130]

So they were making Hasid Porky's shower?

[@Jerseystructureunderboss]

Do all the chapos live in LA now?

[@Purplealien123]

I think Will is still in NY, but in that article from 6-12 months ago, he said he might move to LA eventually

[@debra-sue]

will is the only jenny that is still from the block smh

[@SandmanJr90]

intro song sounds so much better at 2x speed

[@Whoopsiewalrus]

Lucky for them they had a nice view to watch women and girls shower

[@nathanc.5104]

Who's this Amber person?

[@nicolev2028]

Poor Felix worried about people calling him a self hating Jewish guy. What if this came from another dimension

[@Guzzlebutt]

Nah I feel like all Jews acknowledge that Hasid’s do some very weird/hilarious things when viewed from outside the orthodoxy, and it’s totally fine they’re having a good time and we get a chapo out of it.

[@condor237]

Just say messiah, wtf is moshyak

[@Benu54321]

It's to distinguish that this is the messiah according to these guys specifically. I agree they probably should have explained it when they first used the word for those of us that don't know shit about these guys in New York.

[@corvacopia]

As far as I’m aware, Hasidic Jews generally refer to the messiah with the Hebrew word-Moshiach

[@gwynster]

first 👌

[@shoxx48]

💪

[@bitteralmonds666]

CAAAAAAAN YOUUUUUUUUU DIIIIIIIIIIG IIIIIIIIIT?!?!?! 🧉🦄⁉️

[@anon8007]

3:34 The phrase is "champing at the bit," not "chomping at the bit." These hosts are profoundly unserious people.

[@adamazzalino5247]

You new round here?

[@tree_tape]

I can't believe Will would use a word that means precisely the same thing considering there's brave warriors such as yourself that will admonish him for it

[@sickjuicysjamshack3580]

Will cannot properly pronounce the word rather either

[@berdyderg900]

These comedy podcasters are so unserious smh my head

[@AW-sx8hm]

Chemping at the butt.

[@rodrigoroa6753]

Amber: I like to think I'm a pretty handy person. Girl you talk on a podcast and wrote some drivel called “dirtbag”. If amber is a handy person I'm an astrophysicist.

[@mj.l]

ok?

[@TrueGrandImperial]

i am also still very upset about the highly specific thing the girl of the show said 18 hours later

[@rodrigoroa6753]

@@TrueGrandImperial what was specific about that? It's just a serious case of verbal diarrhea. She likes to talk shit, so she gets shit in return, it's only fair.

[@freakyzed8467]

​@@rodrigoroa6753are you also not talking shit?

[@debra-sue]

yeah but how much drivel have YOU written lately? quit pocket watchin' and move along, malcontent

[@electrojones]

Amber drags this podcast down. She's not a quick wit, and she's mean for its own sake, so she's a lazy wit.

[@No1hyp0cr1te]

Sorry pal, you're just straight up wrong.

[@electrojones]

@@No1hyp0cr1te Lol.

[@No1hyp0cr1te]

@@electrojones i agree that she's lazy, mean, and hey, maybe even slow witted... but I still like her :-)

[@fraidafeltcher5188]

Felix rules

[@joshuamarx8209]

Get Adomian on damnit...

[@debra-sue]

it HAS been too long omg there's NO way he doesn't get put back on the shortlist for beltway garage impressions. very much looking forward

[@bitteralmonds666]

This is real lyfe DIG DUG! The DUG lyfe chose me! 🌈🌈✨🧉🦄👌🏽