"Don't Do This" To Each Enneagram Type

Transformational Enneagram & Relationship Coaching
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Dr. Tom LaHue is a graduate of Florida Christian College. He holds 3 Master's Degrees including an MDiv from Liberty Univ. His Doctoral degree is from Grace College and Seminary. He is also a certified Marriage Coach. He and his wife Traci have been married since 1991. They are the proud parents of 5 children and 5 grandchildren.
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[@sarahcampbell6008]

My soon-to-be adopted 15 year old son is a 7w6 and I'm a 9w1. His silliness absolutely tickles me and we connect best when I lean into it and play along.

[@happylifestore]

As type 5 I wholeheartedly agree with: "Don't underestimate a five." My mother sometimes said: "When everybody has had theirs, then (I) comes..." And oh boy, do I have a comeback now.

[@juliegolick]

The fascinating thing to me about this list is how many of them are contradictory, depending on the type. It becomes so tricky to "do unto others as you would have done unto you" when we are so very different, and the thing I'd like you to do for me might be totally different from the thing you'd like done for you! (Obviously, I think we should treat each other with kindness, respect, love, integrity as an underlying principle, but how that's EXPRESSED will be very different for each person.)

[@bzb2932]

I'm an 8w7 and I had to laugh out loud when you advised people not to take 8s anger personally...as the other person was getting their feelings hurt. You nailed it. And, my 7 influence shows up with me not wanting to be around "clingy, needy people. This might sound cold, but I will "drop-kick" anyone who (after being thoroughly warned) thinks they can manipulate/control me. The very last argument I had with my ex-husband (Pt.9) was him "tsk, tsk-ing me that "I thought I could tame you." No joke.

[@Sam-bc9ll]

This is all unbelievably true about all of us! I have to show this to my ENFP 7w6 mom lol. Your analogies are reminiscent of her big time. Also, yes, don’t shoot down her creative ideas. She’s always loyal to pull through when it’s for others, and she’s pulled out all the stops for the kids at church over the years. My nana is an ISFJ 2w1, and I’m an ISFP 9w1. The never ending need for physical touch is so true. I loved that story about you pushing your daughter xD. You’ve probably heard this before, but it’s so cool your name is so similar to Tim LaHaye’s. He’s the Christian author that introduced me to my passion for personality systems with the book, “Spirit-Controlled Temperament”.

[@Dani-jo9yr]

Bravo; spot on👌as an 8- the end part was just Uauuuuuu😮absolutely 💯💯

[@LexiePersonForever]

my husband is an 8 and he's already told me most of the "do"s. very animatedly yelled at to stand up for myself and to "fight back" on a regular basis lol want only feels strong for a 9 because i feel like others (like my husband) have super strong wants and super strong preferences, where i just don't care /that/ much, but if you ask me which i'd prefer i can answer that lol but to answer "how far can we be pushed" i allowed a man to sexually harass me at work (service work, sexual harassment is sort of just a part of the job, the problem was it was chronic and he was directing it specifically towards me) until he felt comfortable asking for a hug (my defense being that i hug female regulars, in my mind i'm like ok what can a hug do) and he decides it's ok to kiss me on the cheek in the middle of the store. or i was a gym member an a dude in his like 80s would frequently touch various parts of my body as "greetings" and he was trying to use the "old man" thing to disarm people. it was after these series of incidents that i realized that i /need/ to set and enforce boundaries because if i don't, not everyone is a good person and knows when to stop. there's a possibility that they will take advantage of me and my temperament.

[@katehewitt5286]

Wow.... I'm a 6 and 4 years into a relationship with an 8. I was laughing out loud during your 8 dos and don'ts!! So spot on, especially the part about not taking their outbursts personally 😅 I DEFINITELY need to practise that one more.

[@twlahue]

Thanks for sharing!!

[@shockedpikachuface7376]

As a 4, I disagree on the compliments part, I don't necessarily thrive on them. I absolutely despise on the surface compliments; I often get complimented on my hair but for a change I'd love to be told a thoughtful compliment about a personality trait of mine. The intuition, feelings and being fully yourself part is SPOT on tho. Maybe that's further emphasised ny the fact that I'm an infj lol

[@Brenda-ve9qy]

My husband is a 3, this is absolutely him! I am a 5 ...let me think about it... 🤔

[@DavidSummers-wt1hz]

Keep on, ' keeping on TOM'. It works.

[@marieschmidt9416]

As a type 1, I wholeheartedly agree! Good video.

[@architektura204]

What a fantastic list. Super helpful. Thank you Tom.

[@twlahue]

Very welcome!

[@kathleenmay3530]

Don’t be intrusive or underestimate the 5!!! That’s our 17 yr old son and you nailed it🎉

[@twlahue]

Looks like we managed to impress the 17-year-old demographic, that's a win in itself!

[@cathymwikali2482]

Yes a 2 doesn't want to feel left out. I sit at table with a 2 and as a 5 when I come and find people in the middle of a conversation, I feel comfotable to let them continue talking without having to engage but when the 2 comes in the middle of a conversation she whats to know what it is about. She wants to feel included.

[@gregoryritchie7852]

LOVE your PRACTICAL tips!

[@twlahue]

Thanks so much!

[@atypicalgeek88]

Didn't know the thing about physical affection and and 9s (as a freshly typed 9) - obviously it wouldn't be universal with all 9s but I LOVE affection like that from people I trust! 🥰

[@GlitterBunnyNL]

I love your video. I have learnt so much. Thank you so much 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

[@twlahue]

Glad it was helpful!

[@thislittleweirdgirl332]

Type 5 here… this was perfect.

[@Tousicle]

THIS VIDEO WAS HOLARIIIOUSS (typo intended). As a 9w8 dating a 7, a twin brother as an 8; with a close team of teachers I’ve observed to be 1, 2, 6 and another 9 I can confirm this is all spot on. I have yet to meet a 4 and from this video I think I will talk to one I suspect is a 4 and find out haha. ❤

[@twlahue]

Thanks

[@diannarowlands3784]

As a type 5 and totally believe in self governing. Staying true my Self and let others be their self what good or bad. That is their God given right to self governing. Trying to pander to others behavior to keep peace is impossible and foolish.

[@margaretjudice8944]

Great new information in this video. Thank you for sharing!

[@twlahue]

Glad it was helpful!

[@krystalynnjones6817]

I Can say that as a 9 im not to fond of physical touch, but I do need people to feel present and ready to listen to whatever I say.

[@Vrangstrupen]

@twlahue you need to see this thread! Im 9w8 and i dont really like being touched either. BUT, if im touched with real love or harmony, im like a bottomless well. I suspect your Kaylee is the same. But this messing around you did is also just accepted, because it might be that we want to support you as you figure out what you're supposed to do. If it brings harmony, there is no hug too strange, but it takes time to learn for 9s. Give keylee a dog or cat.

[@Ben_79]

As an AUDHD it's weird to be fairly certain of being a 5 but the example of what not to do for a nine (pushing then to quickly decide) is what can get to me the quickest if it's not a single decision.

[@PaperMicShow]

love watching u

[@twlahue]

Awesome, thanks...

[@orreng]

Excellent!

[@twlahue]

Many thanks!

[@Adriana.Gabriela]

I grinned so much at the fridge skit 😁😂 -8w7

[@Pinkywinkykinky]

i mean 4's could be judgy if they consider that to be going against the grain of their overly accepting environment to push back and be different, something funny he said here about 9's was he kinda just jerked his daughter around just messing with her and testing to see how long till she'd get annoyed and it was scary to him she was just unbothered 😭 saying how his 9 daughter needed more physical touch than his other children and my dad messes with me the same way all the time with just shaking or whatever, it's like we have this rag doll-ism to us with just letting things happen to ourselves not aggressively taking up space

[@twlahue]

So interesting

[@kindauncool]

34:08 what exactly makes a word "not okay?" Many dislike the word "moist," is that word not okay? How about the word "man?" It can make people very uncomfortable, is that then not okay? What about somebody named Richard who has a nickname that begins with D? Is his name not okay? How _exactly_ is the roommate right?

[@kindauncool]

I'm a bit embarrassed to have proven the point you just stated right after ahahaha but my question remains.

[@RIPSTICK1230]

I can’t figure out if I’m a 4 or 6 😭 I got super close on both. Every time I think I figure it out something makes me question again

[@meganlonsdale8462]

Do you think your main goal is security or to be unique?

[@benjisailing]

Type 9 @ 35:00

[@twlahue]

Sorry, I fixed it.

[@BufoZilla]

I'm a 6w5 but I related more with the 5 than the 6 on this one

[@annasvideoz]

Hello sorry to bother but can you recommend any enneagram books for enneagram 4s to get to know themselves better? I already read The Road Back To You, The Honest Enneagram and Enneagram & You.

[@IVANGUARDI]

I'm curious too

[@twlahue]

The Story of You - by Ian Morgan Cron

[@annasvideoz]

@@twlahue thank you!

[@corym.johnson7241]

I highly recommend, "The Complete Enneagram - by Beatrice Chestnut", this book helped to look at the blindspots and my not so pleasant side. Which really helped me to not only better understand myself but also be more balanced in my behavior as a result. As well as experiencing healing and growth. I hope this helps.

[@annasvideoz]

@@corym.johnson7241 thank you i will look at it!

[@PaperMicShow]

add time stamps xD

[@twlahue]

Done