Two Narcissists in a Couple

[@berrykim7117]

Very interesting. They like each other as some kind of business partner. I think it happens often.

[@kris_ty685]

This is my dad and step mother. They depend on one another financially, had an accounting business together ( go figure). They are stingy, cruel, racist, and neurotic. They are a perfect match...and yet they are both miserable lol

[@BABYswmtchr]

I’ve known a few couples like this. In one example, wife is engineer, husband is dentist. The chose the small town over the big city; to quickly become big fish in small pond. Small church over big church - quickly awed and admired and known by all vs being one of many. Make Botox appointments together. Send their kids to manners classes. Richest couple in the public school vs one of many rich at the private school. Biggest and most elaborate home in an above average neighborhood vs one of many mansions in a gated neighborhood of their financial peers. Want to be close to the little people who envy their life. It was really bizarre.

[@mariokokkinos2539]

Oh my lord. This sounds exactly like the parents of my narc ex. He turned out a convert narcissist as well. His mother is a cerebral narcissist while his father a somatic. He cheated on her with all their young and attractive nannies and housekeepers. My narc has a combination of their worst traits.

[@brerfox3694]

I’m glad someone is concerned enough to make this, it is difficult to find anyone who can understand this perspective. Thank you!

[@fakenoose8978]

Mons Trex lol. the passive-partners of Narcissists always imagine that they are what the narcissist really wants. They are supply, but what excites the Narcissist's passion is trying to destroy another Narcissist.

[@JohnWilliams-fi7rh]

What kind of world am I living in?

[@Hannah-zm9vc]

I wish 2 narcissists stay together to avoid hurting other decent people.

[@magnessko]

Me too.

[@francieodendahl9351]

@@Hannah-zm9vc Agreed. Safety on the streets😘

[@francieodendahl9351]

A fake one.

[@fredmad4988]

Narcissist world disorder

[@annahitahabash-hs4qe]

never seen such well spoken prof which actually has knowledge

[@dylanesque66]

I saw a case where a cerebral narcissist used his somatic narcissist girlfriend, by flaunting her around town, to get HiMSELF narcissistic supply and attention from OTER parties. So he used her to as an object to get narcissistic supply.

[@fakenoose8978]

dylanesque66 very very common.

[@lexie919]

Like someone taking a puppy or a young child out in public for the attention they get him from others...using the gf or the bf as bait to get another...

[@rosanerio2]

oh MY words!!...you just answered my question Dr Vaknin !! I come from a disfunctional family and I have always wondered who - mum or dad - was the narcissist one...and , you just clear it all to me! They both are! but,2 different kinds of narcissists - and that explain so much!...Thank you evr SO much for all your videos!! I have been watching you Doctor Sam for almost a decade now...working on understanding my family, working on understanding myself..MUCH GRATITUDE!! loads of light and love to you..

[@NeptunesGlory]

I have two friends who are somatic. They get together and observe and cruelly criticise passersby...for fun.

[@mariaarribas6108]

Thanks for sharing this video. I always wondered why my soon to be ex-husband lasted so long with his ex- 17 years married and then nine more years living together. He shared with me one day that he looked at her and no longer saw her as beautiful but she looked like her mother. She cheated on him but never admitted it, he divorced her and six months later brought her back to live with him for nine more years. This was a red flag for me when I heard it but I just missed it. This is when he found someone else and let it be known so she would leave. I would not doubt after my divorce if he would not go back with her. 26 years is a long time for mutual narcissistic supply it was good for both of them. Many people commented that they never looked at each other with affection -there was no emotional connection. I am finding your work fascinating and taking me to the next level and learning about this disorder. II will try everything humanly possible to learn as much as I possibly can in order to be able to detect any future narcissist. I’m am 60 years old and I have been involved with narcissist for most of my life. I would like to have my last relationship with somebody without NPD. I don’t think I can go through this one more time.

[@aarndroid4.092]

I believe my mother was the somatic narcissist and my father was the cerebral. I find it ironic because my mother was/is pretty intelligent and my father is closer to functional retardation. They both act like toddlers, but this video series really puts things in perspective. I just hope it's not too late for me. I do exhibit some of the identifying characteristics of an inverted narcissist, but I don't display the superficial qualities. Hopefully, now my suicidal ideation will subside.

[@cesarriveraii550]

What a twisted, fucked up love story. There really is someone for everyone.

[@JamieHayes6982]

Yes my ex husband is cerebral narc and his girlfriend of 5 years now is a somatic narc. Pretty sure he is miserable but she's a good supply. I believe if there is a better supply for her she will leave. She does not work and he is the only one working. He lost contact with his children ( not mine, 1st wife ) and pick the narc over them. Very sad. But I am so grateful I got rid of him years ago. I believe he will get his.....

[@Stellabyestarlight]

I believe with you

[@Davidpostingshid]

Cope

[@JamieHayes6982]

@@Davidpostingshid well I have it’s been 13 years now. Thanks for the advice.

[@sonyalynn4794]

I have a similar story. Everyone tells me there is Karma.

[@IAm-zi1sf]

There's no real loyalty there - each is always jockeying for energy and attention ...somebody has to be the bottom in that mess ...on paper it looks great though!

[@cammokyle]

That's kind of the point though. Because each Narc is so focussed on their own supply (somatic or cerebral), they actually "don't" class all that much. The delusion that both of them are viewing the other (cus different type of narc) as below themselves (somatic thinks he's above cerebral and vice versa) is what holds it together. They both think they're the "settler" and not the "reacher" in the relationship. They are both jockeying for attention as you say, but its different types of attention

[@MoonCherryLove]

@@cammokyle There could actualy be loyalty. The way forward is for them both to act together as a unit, and gain attention from others. If you think about it, is it not rather shameful to view your partner as below yourself, and gain attention from that one person. Nay, attention should be gotten from ALL OF SOCIETY ! And as a unit they should be above everyone else instead! BUUUT, then again, it might be difficult for true narcs, with their hightened/inflated sense of importance.

[@LVLuxuryHomes-pp3jl]

I was more Somatic. He was Cerebral. We were together for 23 years up until his death in 2021. We were very transactional. We were considered a "power couple". We raised three children together and they became successful, happy in their own lives. We really did not compete with each other but, we supported each others careers. I was proud of his accomplishments and he was very proud of mine. We also supported our friends and peers and many people came to us for advise. Their was never any type of discard so I guess we had narcissistic traits but, it didn't turn toxic to the point we could not be together,

[@VriendaGanguly]

0:59 : types & compatible 2:25 : both are cerebral narcs

[@labazoops]

You are so right on. Alot of "want to be"experts on the subject out there. I only refer your channel and books. Thanks

[@lararose2586]

How about the dynamic between a covert narcissist and a classic narcissist?

[@rachelrosen5501]

this answers a few very important questions for me. So eloquent, Sam.

[@jaydixson1731]

Sam. You really know your topic. Wow

[@wanketta]

Yes, my parents, dad the breadwinner, mom the vain ‘beauty’. Her need for supply guided them into swinging, from the 1960s thru the late 80s, until breast cancer treatment rendered her less capable, though not less interested, in continuing. Dad made good money at an executive level in NYC, so they lived well, traveled, gave frequent swinging parties.

[@Indusxstan]

How terrible for you to be an onlooker.

[@bluecollarlit]

Yikes, this sounds like a crazy Netflix movie!

[@gingerchild3423]

Okay this sounds like my parents but if it's "perfect" why did they fight all the time?

[@RojaJaneman]

Ginger child That’s what they’re ‘perfect’ at. Tear each other down. It probably made them feel relieved that they got it all out of their system. However, distress and destruction being the outcome of eruptions, it probably also made them feel worse. Mixed bag. It’s a sickness. Maybe they could’ve shown each other a mirror and they’d realize that they wouldn’t be tolerated elsewhere and should just stay put.

[@fakenoose8978]

to the narcissists, fighting all the time IS perfect.

[@MegaLadylove2012]

Roja Janeman The last sentence of this had me cracking up 🤣 🤣🤣🤣🤣. ‘They put up a mirror before each other and realized they won’t be tolerated elsewhere and decided to stick it out’ 🤣. Omg I can’t stop laughin

[@toszatesze3796]

@@fakenoose8978 A BIG YES !

[@ladylove1335]

Two somatics very exciting, Highly unstable. Been there done that

[@MoPoppins]

Ahhhh...Frazier and Lilith would be a pair of (fictional) cerebral narcissists!

[@greedycrook]

Two narcissists = concentrated narcissism Can that really bring lasting happiness if narcissists tend to destroy those closest to them? Especially after the idealisation period is over. Possibility of beautiful and clever children but they would be 'competition' and narcissists would be inclined to make their lives hell. You have taught us too well :)

[@undeadminion811]

Just look at the Clinton's.

[@fakenoose8978]

they fight constantly while simultaneously teaming up to destroy those around them with all sorts of sick games. They cheat on each other constantly and both stay angry about it but never stop. This is truly heaven for them. And more marriages fit this description than anybody wants to admit. In my experience they are a majority. They just all think they are hiding it.

[@meaganharris9785]

How does the relationship last? Do two narcissists not devalue and discard each other? Are they immune because they’re both narcs? And you mentioned intimacy...which I understood the narcissist not only despises, but is incapable of.

[@m7amm33]

It can work. It depends on the maturity level. My parents are both baby boomers narcissists they been together for 47 years.

[@PlusVK22]

​@@m7amm33everybody has problems but at least they tried for 47 years. No one's perfect.

[@Antonocon]

I certainly don't think it's heaven. I have one parent who is an extroverted narcissist and one an introvert. I have rarely in my life seem them interacting with anything but animosity to each other. There is always one being vicious, whether it's the consistency of the passive aggressive one, always manipulating and being underhand or the aggressiveness of the extrovert one, that just comes out in burst of rage every few hours. I've moved a couple of continents away now and grey rock as much as possible. These types are also together for religious reasons as well as previous generational cultural reasons. They are also toxic and argumentative/insulting with anyone else if that person is not admiring them.

[@melissap9416]

Can I ask a serious question. I am a product of this parenting style exactly. Now, I’m stuck in the exact same relationship with myself and my husband. (Both narcs, me trauma, him spoiled brat) Would you rather have had your parents divorce? I would have. 🤷‍♀️

[@Antonocon]

@@melissap9416 I prayed every day of my life that they would divorce when I was a kid. I'm not from America though and realised later that divorce was illegal at that time in my country. I moved out as soon as I could. My younger brother used to stay with other families, especially one he got on very well with. I told my mum to divorce him or keep away from him many times when I was very young. She just used this in arguments with him which then got me hit. So I stopped doing that and gave up on her. No matter what bad things he does she'll blame you for it. Both a joke. I keep away as much as possible. I understand they had quite tough childhoods themselves but that doesn't give them the right to take it out on us. Every day I'm away from them is a good day. Many have had it far worse than me though, I'm well aware. Life is no picnic but things are good for me now.

[@Smileyyy21]

You described two cerebral narcissists in a relationship but what about two somatic narcissists in a relationship?

[@mrandmrsbeauty]

Narcissistic Heaven? Scary.

[@DivineSirenGoddess]

Vanessa Lee Flores I love my narc relationship tho lol

[@sounddesign777]

Darling i think owr relatioship i becoming competitive. Then she says, i knew it way before You did.

[@karinaandersen2235]

Thanks for this video. Thanks for confirming what I suspected. My dad a minister, Spiritually narcissist and a pedofile, was married to My borderline, Spiritually narcissist, sadistic, witch Mother. I am the youngest daughter of 4 Girls and I am the scapegoat. My parents always helped each other. Still married Today after 61 years of marriage. I confronted My parentes and suffered disfellowshipment from the family (My 3 Sister) and the congregation, Who believed Them because I always seemed like such a happy Child. So how could the things I said be true!? (I played along to survive).

[@samvaknin]

Narcissism and Religion vaksam.tripod.com/journal45.html vaksam.tripod.com/faq47.html The Cult of the Narcissist vaksam.tripod.com/journal79.html

[@amerahmed5105]

my ex was a narcissist female addict. She left me and our 5 children. She took a large sum of money from the divorce and has nearly spent if on him. This guy seems to be an Alpha but i dont know enough of him to know if he is also a narc also. From the outside he looks like he is controlling her. From the last bit of information about her she is still an alcoholic.The question is can a narc get taken for a ride and get abused and dumped ???

[@Kerrviii]

I can spot them and I’m able to reel them in and check them too... there’s so many people who live a boring life.

[@bernardpluymers7081]

I have two nacissist friends one is symatic and the other is syribal iv never seen anything like it the are at competion for control and to be right constantly arguing and controlling its pritty shocking to watch from a outsiders point of view they will go around arguing a topic all night and they both get off on it it lands up in extreme violence but they both absolutely blank to it they just go on and on and on and on and on and on arguing and won't stop because each of them has to be right..the one is highly paranoid over the other and the other is controlling over other sending about all day one thinks his the smartest thing since lice break and never ever gives anyone a chance to talk and if you get a chance its short lived and the other suns you down in conversation but find each other better to argue with each other all night in company they will turn on each other and try prove each other wrong to the guest till it gets out of hand neither know when to stop or see fault in their ways they are very abusive towards each other and try controlling each other on a daily basis such lands up in future arguments its not easy being a friend to them because they both looking for me to agree and if i dont agree with one or the other either will take a massive disliking to me and really take it personally its a night mare iv had to break away its too much ..

[@Indusxstan]

When do you plan to learn punctuation?

[@Neidytrozeski]

I know, right? God have mercy...

[@Angie_bae]

What happens if both are narcs but one is more narc than the other? My mom was defffff a narc and so was my dad but he wasn’t like that with my mom, only to others he was

[@samvaknin]

samvak.tripod.com/faq60.html

[@willywokeup9112]

What about the pathological symptoms like jealousy and full of shame, anger, do those subside? Or do they successfully stay together and torture each other, Or does their behavior actually change?

[@Albertino596]

Can a somatic narcissist have a long-term relationship with another somatic narc ?

[@samvaknin]

Very unlikely samvak.tripod.com/faq60.html

[@popeye3945]

Sam Vaknin Sam can I email you ? I'm confused if I'm true narsitic or not.

[@gonzthehealerinkwork8463]

incredibly interesting,thankyou sir!

[@aidenew3741]

How can someone destroyed a relationship between a somatic narcissist & a cerebral

[@dianetracey4985]

I would like your opinion on a relationship between a male covert narcissist and a female inverted narcissist

[@samvaknin]

samvak.tripod.com/faq66.html

[@makimima2819]

My mother & step father!

[@genetally8191]

They are only animals: predator and prey. Some are herbivores, others carnivores.

[@aj89a]

Dear Mr. Vaknin, could you please provide advice as to how a self-aware introverted (IN) narcissist could go about attracting an (likely unaware?) extroverted narcissist (EN)? Say the IN was (and still is) viewed by the EN as an unworthy possible mate, or a devalued person without having been idealized; but the IN has attracted the attention and rage by openly and blatantly ignoring the EN. In other words, the IN induced a narcissistic injury and is now the victim of a smear campaign (narcissisistc rage) by the EN. However, the EN is an extremely attractive female, and the IN was raised by a narcissistic mother (I assume to are beginning to understand the dynamic here). Despite the smear campaign and abuse, what can the IN do to make himself worthy of the EN and thus possibly court her? Do you envision such an IN and EN relationship working out long term? Mind you both IN and EN are successful educated people. The IN possibly more successful, the EN more physically attractive.

[@RLSteve]

I'm in that same boat.

[@RLSteve]

If you want the EN, you have to be a good source of narcissistic supply. Do you have money? Do you have a nice body? Are you a catch?

[@Indusxstan]

Go to the gym! Simple as ever, for you.

[@TheKruelka]

Isn't it going to be a disaster for the cerebral type who values their highly moral and intellectual standards, when their perfect and "saint" self is attacked by the "disgusting" sexually connected behaviour of their somatic partner determined by their own need of supply?

[@MegaLadylove2012]

Are you talkin about Will and Jada? 🤣

[@TheKruelka]

@@MegaLadylove2012 hahahah :)

[@TheKruelka]

@@MegaLadylove2012 more like my ex and the way he did see me generally I guess (but I wrote it a year ago and had to remind myself xD )

[@spanchoblu966]

We really are truly lucky to be alive… do two ppl ever really love eachother dam?

[@tinajay2276]

Thank you so much for this vid

[@shadeofpink1]

what about a somatic narcissist and a sociopath?

[@divinetime681]

I know Gay narcs just like this except one has been married 45yrs and are both criminals soul mates quickly becoming cell mates lol

[@AnnaKechagia-cr7ov]

dear dr. Vaknin, in a relationship to a cerebral and a somatic narcissist, there is not repetition compulsion to idealize, devalue and discard each other?

[@samvaknin]

There is. The shared fantasy is the only interpersonal framework in any narcissist's life.

[@AnnaKechagia-cr7ov]

@samvaknin thank you for your reply!

[@TheChosenOne31]

My father and my mother my mother the beautiful one theres no denying that and my father the breadwinner workaholic all about money the marriage was toxic and abusive and i had to watch this play out before my very eyes 👀 now im grown and had several of these play out in my life as well !!!

[@tamicagle1729]

A sick relationship , to day the least !

[@dragonfishcaribbean]

Does somatic usually change to cerebral in old age?

[@samvaknin]

No. Narcissists, psychopaths, sex, and marital fidelity groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/narcissisticabuse/conversations/messages/4920 VIDEOS The Narcissist's Sexuality kzbin.info/aero/PLsh_y_ett4o0iK4zrGEzZRk0S6MrktltX

[@williamneely8366]

Is he a shrink, very intelligent, worldly.

[@juliet2756]

More like "match made in hell"

[@Ruckii1]

crazy !!!!!!

[@streetracer1o124]

Funny and sad thing at same time 🤔to be a narcissist u have to have insecurities low self esteem issues and ya can’t be ur own confident person that font exist. Good thing I don’t got no insecurities I’m very confident I don’t need ppl To feel A type of way . Go many ppl Actually bother me but ya I don’t like narcissists cuzthey lie to be somebody there not and there 2faced. And there weak it’s like why would they need people if they weren’t ? But me my kind we don’t mix don’t get along with narcissists and narcissists hate us I see why now 😂 they hate people they can’t destroy they hate there mind tricks and 2faced self not working on ppl like me they hate ppl like me r confident and have no insecurities and don’t need ppl to feel good n all that crap😂 and where very real so I’m being real Here n thought I’d share with everybody. I came across a couple narcissists and ya all turn out the same once they find out I’m not normal but not like them either n im 1 step ahead and smarter. Cuz ya I just see them As stupid in my eyes and why do they try so hard?🤔I don’t get it But many just bore me and I can’t stand fake ppl Which I have the ability to sense in ppl n read them very quickly by not much talking and still. But narcs don’t have that greater sense they gotta see for them selves when it becomes to late 😂honestly they just make me laugh ...idiots 😂

[@aharry31]

So glad you see through them so as not to get enmeshed in their extreme foolishness. They hate that they cannot control you by flattery, etc. Gid Bless you.

[@TheBLACKKING25]

Wow

[@mattthew9619]

2:36 5:30

[@Ruckii1]

yes - sick !!!!

[@samvaknin]

@Lisa Foster Narcissistic and psychopathic parents and their children - click on the links: health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/4727

[@greedycrook]

My parent was a narcissist. Thanks for these videos. When I listen to her stream of negativity in conversation towards myself and other people instead of being baffled by it and confronting it I just think ah that's your NPD. Peace.

[@ashleyhart8272]

I met this type of couple. They work very well together .I fell victim to them and they used me as supply . They were very cruel to me when I didn't comply .They definitely lived in there heaven and walked around like Gods.Even after they broke up they would use there relationship to put me down.one of them would put me down academically while the other pursued me.One grew bored of me intellectually because I was'nt( smart enough )to there standards.And the other wanted to use me as new supply because they saw I was very giving. I was selfless and to them a prize. one even admitted they lacked empathy and the other one showed they had no empathy after they got what they wanted.I am very damaged emotionally. I definitely need help!

[@Caricle88]

Ashley Hart I know that feeling, have you healed from the abuse? Thank you for sharing your story

[@6InchTruth]

Ashley Hart I feel like you've just told my story. I too, dealt with a narc couple. They really do walk around like gods. I'm not sure how long it will last. Now I'm just trying to heal.

[@6InchTruth]

Ashley Hart And I hope you find the healing you need.

[@bernardpluymers7081]

I'm having that exact problem I'm in it right now how do i get out of it is it best to just cut away

[@bernardpluymers7081]

I am you right now..