explaining the entire plot of riverdale so you dont have to watch it

[@thwenny]

"So she did what anybody would do and performed Toxic at a shareholders meeting" girl please i need to breathe

[@AxelBain]

The way when this episode first came out and I knew Veronica was going to do a musical number and that she’d just gotten her Black Widow powers I was literally texting my friend while watching being like “I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE DOES TOXIC I’M GOING TO LOSE MY GODDAMN MIND”

[@Maradrafts]

​@@AxelBain Lmao this is hilarious - turns out you also got superpowers (only it was telepathy and limited to the Riverdale writers). Still, _amazing_ media instincts right there. As a Lit major and cliché bullsh*t enthusiast I fear and admire your strength. :D

[@Psykells]

Explaining Riverdale is like explaining a dream you had during a fever to someone

[@jacobsaggypoo9809]

npc ahhh comment

[@Vi_Vi_1]

"Are you paying attention?" girl I am TRYING but omg

[@jasmineindoors]

This tho 😂

[@brettboswell19]

No literally this 😂😂 girl are YOU paying attention??? 😂

[@zzjamie-is-over-partyzz]

girl we know you went through the 500 stages of grief from that thumbnail aloneeee

[@muchomango11]

Helllllllllp 😭😭😭😭😭

[@katie-allen]

She’s honestly so brave

[@brettboswell19]

If you’re not giving thanks and praying for her wellbeing on the daily, you should def start girlie is constantly in the trenches

[@millierock9177]

i hate it when an alien gets stuck in one of my maple syrup vats

[@skwaaak5031]

omg that just happened to me yesterday...

[@brettboswell19]

You didn’t cover them in tin foil….? huh… ok….

[@Tw0Dots]

Noob

[@minirth.maggie]

The mess is ungodly

[@angieng6091]

petition to give carley a nobel peace prize for this series 🫡

[@alexarobertson17]

Maybe a Nobel Prize in anthropology or sociology…? 😂

[@loiscarlisle6035]

Surely the Pulitzer

[@brettboswell19]

Give her all the bells

[@alicethemad1613]

It truly is a blessing every time Jason’s dead body comes back and Cheryll goes through another cult leader/magic powers arc.

[@lesbiangoddess290]

​@ville__ you should honestly be serving time dude

[@lgbtorion]

a blessing? it’s one of the worst parts of the show. cheryl is never allowed to grow and is perpetually stuck suffering over something that happened years ago while being given terrible background storylines (mostly due to the fact that her love interest is a girl) which forced madeleine to act her ass off in an attempt to save the writing that can not be saved

[@Myjordandsavior]

Me zoning out for less than a minute at work and being fully bamboozled as to how we got to the current plot point

[@AxelBain]

That was me every morning on tumblr after I hadn’t watched the latest Riverdale episode. I would be like “Nick Scratch possessed Jughead and now they’re all witches and Polly and Jason are alive again?”

[@johannaschmidt3157]

Paying full attention doesn’t make it any less confusing tbh

[@defneseyfi6008]

I zoned out and she said they gave devil a drink made from virgin mary’s blood😭😭

[@omniscient.nescience]

As someone who has genuinely watched every episode of Riverdale, I have to say, the show's just like that

[@_.lDesl._]

I've rewinded a total of 12 times just because **I** confused myself

[@JayofLemuria]

"She has a... what's the word, like, caramelized? That's wrong. Fossilized. Caramelized is like onions, fossilized is like a body. She has a fossilized alien corpse that fell into a vat of maple syrup just kicking around the house." AN ALIEN CORPSE--and it would be caramelized from the maple syrup I--

[@toobashaikh5922]

FBI - Federal Bureau of Investigation ❌ FBI - Femme Bureau of Investigation ✅

[@elagatho]

love LOVE how the plot point "main villain sends biblical plagues on the town" is explored in one sentence bc we have more important things to worry about

[@brettboswell19]

“Choose your battles” I guess, ya know ? 🤷🏻‍♂️

[@britnicox3929]

The season with the time loop and alternative realities and the bomb tearing a whole in the space time continuum is ironically the most comic book plot line of the entire show

[@AxelBain]

People were shitting on Riverdale then but I was LIVING. Jughead has a whole ass statue commissioned of Archie for a fight he lost? Check. Betty’s serial killer gene gets cleansed from her after her resurrected sister washes her feet once? Check. Immortal gay baby? CHECK.

[@Maggie-vt8wp]

@@AxelBainBABY ANTHONY IS GAY?? unless i missed it is a crime for carley to not have mentioned that during pride month

[@omniscient.nescience]

​@@Maggie-vt8wp Basically, from what I remember, when Toni and Fangs are in the afterlife, part of their ideal reality is baby Anthony introducing him to his boyfriend, Twyla Twyst's son, thus uniting the Serpents and the Ghoulies West Side Story/Romeo and Juliet fix-it style

[@sarahmichellegellarseviltwin]

season 6 is literally the most fun piece of television ever made it was super entertaining to watch

[@lgbtorion]

@@AxelBainall done terribly with shitty writing

[@AxelBain]

One of my favourite plot points was them soft launching Kevin leaving the show to pursue his Broadway dreams and then a few episodes later he’d show up back in Riverdale and it would never be mentioned again until the next time he would try to move to New York so it was just a Groundhog Day of Kevin pursuing his acting dreams only to fail and respawn in Riverdale like a video game character. There’s this whole theory on tumblr that Jughead is just controlling the narrative and is vindictive as hell (which is pretty much true at this point because of the whole Jughead Paradox episode ending) so according to this theory it’s just Jughead wanting to write Kevin off but also not having the interest in pursuing a New York storyline because Jughead hates musicals so he keeps forgetting he wrote Kevin off.

[@Sapphykins]

To be fair, the Jughead who can control reality can only control the reality within the Rivervale pocket universe, so far as we know. Given what we learn about how reality works in season 7, I think we have to conclude it's angels that hate musicals and don't want Kevin to succeed, which is why his career can't take off until Tabith takes over angel duties for the town!

[@minirth.maggie]

That theory is AMAZING. Petty KING! 👑

[@emclaire7027]

I mean it so genuinely and seriously when I say seasons 5 and 6 are PEAK television and nothing will ever top it. I think about Jughead falling into a sinkhole in New York City and getting rabies every single day. The episode where Abigail Blossom has a doomed lesbian relationship with Toni’s ancestor?? Perfection. The Jughead Paradox should have an Emmy

[@AxelBain]

“I became…the servant to the rat king”

[@omniscient.nescience]

My most controversial and completely correct opinion is that Riverdale only gets better as it goes on and seasons one and two are the worst ones. Season 6 is a masterpiece of camp absurdism. Season seven starts slow and is kinda disappointing if you're invested in the S6 cliffhanger, but from the Musical onwards it's so fun.

[@emclaire7027]

@@omniscient.nescience EXACTLYYY you get it!! The early seasons where they’re trying to make it a “normal” edgy teen show are the least interesting, I’m here for the truly goofy shit! That’s when it feels like Riverdale

[@renloool]

​@@omniscient.nescienceobsessed with how season one started as a twin peaks knockoff and came full circle full tilt insanity like twin peaks in the end

[@lgbtorion]

I hope you’re being sarcastic because s5 and s6 are some of the worst episodes of tv I’ve ever seen and it’s not close

[@-alittletoowildinthe70s-]

That thumbnail is giving Carley’s two thousand yard stare. Those eyes are haunted with horrors that I truly cannot imagine as someone who has never seen riverdale.

[@brettboswell19]

Literally - watching this series as a bystander who has never seen the show I feel helpless 😂😭 like I’m just here for shits and giggles but y’all were on the gd journey

[@francescakyanda9182]

The pink paper crown is everything, Carley truly is the people’s princess 👑

[@jneedsanap]

@ville__hey, uh…what the fuck?

[@xedralya]

lmao you don't even know how awesome Archie's war sequences are though. Sergeant Archie and his pals are all kitted out in World War II gear and weapons, but the sound effects are all automatic rifles, and they talk about helicopters showing up. It's World War Riverdale and I love it.

[@AxelBain]

It also returns to trench warfare, which was unanimously decided by all powers Never To Do Again. Which implies that World War I never happened in Riverdale (though WWII did, because Archie sees the ghosts of soldiers while singing a Green Day song at graduation).

[@camille1324]

@@AxelBainI’m absolutely screaming about this oh my goddd

[@alilwoozyhere]

50:40 I was so distracted by the fact that the devil could be related to Bill Cipher from Gravity Falls that i didn't even realize his name was a play on Lucifer.

[@lamugre9386]

I feel calling it a play is a stretch 😂

[@LaurieLuLu]

I have never watched an episode of Riverdale, and I have zero interest in watching. But for a reason I cannot explain, I remain seated for these Riverdale videos every time.

[@lgbtorion]

never watch it it’s awful

[@minirth.maggie]

SAME! I re watched parts 1 and 2 yesterday!

[@OfficialMissMinutes]

“The real milkshake in the holy grail was the pops we made along the way” THE WAY I CACKLED

[@samlangmead]

The absolute chance of me opening KZbin looking for something to watch before I have to leave the house in 90 minutes… thank you so much for this

[@jorb1903]

“I look like a melted Lilly rose depp” HELP 😭😭

[@vvirtualecho6938]

I love how you kept saying “are you following?” as if any of this makes sense

[@brettboswell19]

Like girl… are YOU following??? 😂

[@graceburrows5085]

i can finally breathe now that i know the entire plot of riverdale without watching it

[@omniscient.nescience]

Bestie there's still another season

[@pilarkailasam5138]

The whole “it’s class about army and you go into army” is giving Arrested Development vibes and I’m here for it 😂

[@kaia8231]

buster bluth

[@sg8058]

no bc i watched the first recapping riverdale video, and realized “maybe i should try watching it again”. so i did and i loved it??? it was so camp and funny and endlessly entertaining. AND NOBODY UNDERSTANDS

[@jennamarie618]

U GET IT! like it’s entertainment gold

[@lgbtorion]

it’s awful and terribly written tv

[@MacyJacob]

Carley I got fired yesterday so I’m rotting at home today and I just need you to know that I needed this today. So thank you for your suffering

[@aksez2u]

Something BETTER is ahead. I am also having a sh*t day, and this Riverdale fever dream is distracting me. Keep your head up.

[@samsammysam-328]

As a person who was in the jrotc/rotc program I am laughing at your perfect description of it. “It’s class about army and you go into army”😂

[@poppyhodgson7529]

“Thank you Carley” we all say in unison

[@wallabys]

i am an unironic riverdalehead and carley your vids are SUCH a delight because you talk about the show in such a refreshing way compared to all the react youtubers who are like "rivderdale is sooo cringe" whereas you (and the fans) are like "riverdale is sooo cringe... and slay!!!"

[@Talia778]

It’s a truly magical show

[@omniscient.nescience]

Truly THE show of all time, and I mean that unironically

[@lgbtorion]

riverdale isn’t just cringe it’s some of the worst writing ever allowed on tv. it’s fine to enjoy it but let’s not act like it isn’t absolute dog shit hot trash.

[@lgbtorion]

@@Talia778magical in how terrible it is

[@Liam-mf4fl]

@@lgbtorion what did riverdale ever do to you for you to leave so many judgmental comments- I think it's not a good show but you're just being rude, let people have some fun oh my god

[@dariarayden3986]

the way i just had to stop and rewind every two minutes when you were explaining season six because i couldn't comprehend anything at all. what the hell even was this you are A WARRIOR

[@medea7197]

i swear i space out for 20 seconds, suddenly archie is being sacrificed

[@trezalkapeliskova2121]

As someone who's never seen a single episode of Riverdale: I have watched all of your analysis videos. I refuse to believe those videos cover only one show. Feels like at least three shows.

[@karisafilmpresents2753]

It is one show and that fact scares me

[@lgbtorion]

it’s more like 10 shows and none of them really know what they wanna be so they keep hitting the same plot points and character arcs over and over again until they run out of juice and have to completely overhaul everything

[@Crow_exe]

Toni was the only person keeping Cheryl even slightly sane and when she was gone, there was there was none left like Cheryl was already insane but now it’s worse because Toni is gone😂

[@kodamckenzie]

oh my god you actually did it. your willpower is unmatched to me carley thank you for your service.

[@rue8638]

55:25 I genuinely think the double reggies bit is the funniest/smartest joke the show has ever made and I love it so much The rivervale episodes are some of my favourites in general, pure insanity

[@emdawulf]

the Jughead as Riverdale's own Caroline Calloway analogy is SPOT ON and PERFECT and I LOVE IT

[@Keelieisgr8t]

the devil drank the virgin mary's tears so the deal is off. that sent me. thats a whole other level

[@Puciu22]

im getting married today and it’s forecast to rain i needed a chunky video to put on in the background while i’m getting ready to calm my nerves and carley came through as always🙏🏻 i want to engage exactly 0% of my brain for the next 1:33hrs

[@shark_llama]

“kevin i better see you on moulin rouge” i did see gay kevin on moulin rouge

[@F1girlies33]

I have been playing this video in the background and spacing out and just heard about magic superpowers and Jason getting resurrected?? What

[@alexaxxrose]

All I’ve ever heard about this series is how unhinged it is but truly nothing could’ve prepared me for the actual plot

[@andresrodriguez7614]

i hear the last season of riverdale messes with the entire universe, which includes both PLL shows. to the point where *spoiler alert* the new one shouldn’t exist 😂😅

[@AxelBain]

Is this a reference to “my cousin Kevin from Riverdale is gay” from PLL original sin because if so hello fellow Riverdale tumblr fan!!!

[@andresrodriguez7614]

@@AxelBain i’ve never actually seen riverdale. i just watched friendly space ninja’s video on it and he mentioned something that happened in season 7 that makes the entire universe not possible 😂

[@omniscient.nescience]

​@@andresrodriguez7614 Spoilers!!! Less not possible, and more 'literally erased the entire universe', meaning that Pretty Little Liars never happened.

[@andresrodriguez7614]

@@omniscient.nescience exactly! haha i was like “uhh. how is PLL still happening if that happened during the final season of riverdale” 😂

[@lgbtorion]

the show got so terrible in s5 and s6 that they literally had to retcon the entire thing in s7

[@honorhonor4458]

the way im clearing all my afternoon plans to be seated and taking notes like a seminar

[@hanipierce5710]

Did u enjoy it

[@honorhonor4458]

@@hanipierce5710 yessir!!! archies job is Army, cheryl is a lesbian witch and toni and fangz are coparenting. truly who could ask for anything more

[@michaelaporee260]

Sometimes I cannot believe I watched all the seasons of this show and made it out *seemingly* unscathed

[@cactuspeach2517]

this is my actual fav series you've ever done no one else who talks about riverdale on yt UNDERSTANDS it's theeeeee show of all time and you give it the respect it DESERVES!!

[@lgbtorion]

it’s a terrible show lmao there’s a reason no one talks about it

[@cactuspeach2517]

@@lgbtorionwow! You sound miserable! Imagine clicking on a video about a show you hate, scrolling all the way down til you find a comment with literally 20 likes in a SEA of other comments, seeing someone enthusiastically enjoying something, and becoming so overcome with rage (??) that you can’t help but reply and shit on that thing they like (????) baffling behavior. You’re not changing my mind, dude. Have fun being a hater, I’ll keep watching my shows and being happy 🫶

[@cactuspeach2517]

@@lgbtorionoh my god I just realized you replied to every comment on this video. Jesus Christ get a life.

[@Sschmeckles]

“Where did you get the virgin marys tears” same girl

[@Ninareadsb00ks]

It's the way i've watched all these videos multiple times and yet still barely understand the plot 😭

[@thatquietkid9005]

Season 6 is so confusing I felt like I was having a stroke listening, and every time Carly was like do you get it ? I just shook my head and sighed.

[@mikkat8613]

26:45 you trying to input logic when they’re back in time, have powers and aliens in syrup is killing me

[@mijiah]

miss carley deserves a purple heart for sacrificing her sanity to bring us this beautiful recap

[@aryaim8171]

Passive series-bingeing >>>> Passive smoking. Nothing can beat this high😅😂 Thankyou Carley to keep your sanity at stake for entertaining us❤

[@darbykassab8338]

That thousand yard stare with the pink runescape party hat 💀

[@riiyunn]

Carley is truly the hero we don't deserve, sacrificing her sanity to feed us content

[@atlasdwyer8220]

I am LIVING for this series, but the downside is that my algorithm now thinks I’m interested in Riverdale

[@dylanelizabethmacfarlane9961]

this video and the bear season 3 releasing on the same day calmed the 2 beasts inside me

[@nanip27]

1:25:25 everything in this video is unhinged but this part right here broke me, I have been laughing for an hour at both what Carley says and her face, like if there is a moment that most reflects being at the LIMIT of sanity omg 😂

[@elenabe4718]

same, I keep rewinding it 😂😂😂

[@rita-reedz]

the title of the video being "explaining the entire plot of riverdale so you dont have to watch it" - but i started watching the show so i can watch your recaps and laugh along (no regrets)

[@unlitpumpkinhead5051]

what's great about the trash bag killer is the acronym is TBK, which is the same as the toy box killer, who was extremely prolific & did in fact find his victims on highways

[@SaoirseWaddingHayes]

Dude I'm having such a bad day and then this popped up in my subscriptions! Depression? Cured. Pores? Cleared. Crops? Watered.

[@RoweClementine]

I’ve never seen a single episode of Riverdale but this is the second time I’ve watched a multi-hour recap of it

[@brookeworm18]

STOP. THIS IS THE DREAM CROSSOVER. love love love.

[@unluckylis]

Ready for watching Carley's brain melting trying to explain riverdale

[@littlemissneverseen]

I knew nothing about Riverdale going into this series and I feel like I am more confused now.

[@lgbtorion]

it would be worse if you actually watched it

[@livvyl0u82]

bahahah i cannot get over how hilarious this is. i watched riverdale season 1 years ago so when i started your series on this i cannot believe how UNHINGED beyond UNHINGEDDDDDD this show is lmfao i literally keep bursting out laughing i kept messing up my eyeliner and makeup when i was doing it listening to this because i was laughing so hard 😂😂😂

[@shareetz3154]

i tapped out of watching the show a few episodes after the time jump & right after that it did a quantum leap into *absolute* insanity 😂😂

[@abigailanderson4002]

i stopped watching riverdale at the start of season 5 and have only seen snippets on twitter but i've been in disbelief for the past hour and a half like someone actually came up with this???

[@snuterella]

Your Riverdale recap videos just made me binge-watch the entire Riverdale series for the first time because seriously wtf. Thank you, Queen 🙌🏻

[@piafeussner0]

I am not ready for this... I actually watched the first two seasons unironically because I was twelve 🏃‍♀️‍➡️ and then last year I only watched season 7 with friends and was CONFUSED

[@alina5110]

You are such a funny person, I am in awe of your ability to make anything sound hilarious girl. Please Never stop making videos on these random topics!!

[@NellyVilla09]

I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED PART 2 OF YOUR RIVERDALE RECAP like whuuuut

[@elainemiller451]

I want a Supernatural recap in this style from Carley. It would slay

[@scoobydooisanobbsesionsave8755]

I genuinely got to the season 5 finale part of this video and had to go back another 20 minutes cause I got so confused. Great video Carley!! Love your breakdowns keep doing moreeee

[@uniraffesaur]

Somehow I feel like this chaotic rollercoaster of a video was still easier to follow than the actual show 😂

[@jacquelinejanewashere]

My favorite Riverdale insane plot device is Veronica's child cabaret

[@joeawad4325]

Every time I watch an instalment in this series, I get the most disturbing headache

[@brettboswell19]

Now this is interesting …. I can only imagine what Carly’s head feels like at this point 🥲

[@sieunmimi]

got my snacks im SEATED for the chaos that is this show

[@brettboswell19]

I love how we all have to prepare/brace ourselves to dive into every installment

[@Humbleyacht]

Something about your cadence and inflection is so dry and funny, it makes me nose exhale laugh every 30 seconds LOL and I’m obsessed with this riverdale recap series

[@willowashe]

My partner asked me what a season of Riverdale was about, and all I said was “Veronica is a high-school student who owns a speakeasy-“ before he told me to stop.

[@binniebullion]

I might just keep watching these three videos on loop, forever

[@hollyeatsbooks]

i always think it can’t get any more insane and then it just does

[@maruchant-t812]

The Jughead stealing that girls manuscript is literally the base plot to the manga Utsubora 😭

[@aksez2u]

33 minutes in... "it's so random"! Like the rest of it hasn't been a complete fever dream 😆. Thanks for distracting me from a really, really terrible day.

[@zombiewithflowers]

Also I think the union-protest-singing plot point is a reference to the movie Pride, cause the riverdale writers really do love obscure references. The song they use to break the spell (bread and roses, I think it’s a Welsh traditional song) is the same song the miners sing in the movie :)

[@frank6551]

i’m saving this vid for later but i wanted to thank u (or blame u lmao) for getting me into riverdale again, i used to binge watch it w one of my high school best friend, but we lost contact and i stopped at season 3, now i’m finishing 4 and although it’s not the same this show is so crazy, campy, absurd that i’m loving every bit and it’s the only thing that distracts me from the hard time i’m having lately, can’t wait to watch this whole recap too i love love love these vids, and i can’t imagine the amount of work to make them!! xoxo from italy

[@KyubinSlay]

“pops get behind me” MOOD

[@theNansasa]

"Are you following" Me: "No. But keep going"

[@EEJCreates]

ive never watched a single episode of this - but I will keep watching your recaps

[@georgesdayoff]

i'm gonna watch this high as hell

[@miajohnson4025]

i watched part two of this series while visiting my parents and my dad has been asking me ever since if there has been a part three. thank you carley for rescuing my middle aged father from never knowing the end of riverdale, a show he has never watched 🙏🙏🙏

[@maisiekellyreid4168]

i hope u take this as a compliment but i thought that mikes mic had made a riverdale series and i tried to look for it the other day and thought i was going insane when i couldn't find it so it turns out it was you, well done you have ascended to mikes mic level fame in my head

[@leftoutlemons]

Thank you for your service 🙏🏼 I was a Riverdale die hard and just could not finish the last season, so I will be patient for you to help me close this chapter of my life

[@pipimoll8560]

the way I stumbled into Part 1 and 2 of this series last night just in time for part 3 to drop today 🤭 this is my crack

[@fairygoblining]

CARLEY I JUST SAW YOUR BMO AD ON tiktok and I had literally no other way to tell you other than to comment here!! get that BMO monaeeeeyyyyyyyyyy

[@tay4097]

thank you for putting yourself through this for our entertainment

[@williamgowling847]

for some reason the part of this that really got me was when you said Toni's baby was sick so they took it to the town coroner Dr Curdle because he's the only doctor in town

[@GodsFaveSim]

This is exactly what I needed to wind down from work on the 2 hour bus journey home. Thank u Carley!!

[@sarahl3249]

I love watching your book reviews like your yearly recaps and seeing all of the insanely deep and well written literature and then watching your Riverdale recaps the multitudes are crazy

[@Aster_Grim0]

The biggest plothole is that Jughead dies to the curse of the first born when he has a older half brother and the show lets us know half siblings count otherwise Veronica would have also died

[@rhinopoley]

The JROTC is usually (at least in my area) made up of kids who plan to go into the military because they have veteran/serving family members or, alternatively, just kids who need certain credits. It doesn’t really have a big point and a lot of kids who go through it don’t actually go into the military.