Unlikely things to hear on a news programme | Mock the Week - BBC

Subscribe and 🔔 to the BBC 👉 bit.ly/BBCKZbinSub
Watch the BBC first on iPlayer 👉 bbc.in/iPlayer-Home The performers suggest unlikely things to hear on a news programme in Scenes We'd Like to See.
Comedy show combining the best elements of panel show, stand-up and improvised games with two teams of comedians taking a satirical swipe at the news and world events.
Dara O Briain and Hugh Dennis examine the events of the week.
Mock the Week | Series 13 Episode 9 | BBC
#BBC #MockTheWeek
All our TV channels and S4C are available to watch live through BBC iPlayer, although some programmes may not be available to stream online due to rights. If you would like to read more on what types of programmes are available to watch live, check the 'Are all programmes that are broadcast available on BBC iPlayer?' FAQ 👉 bbc.in/2m8ks6v.

[@thesurgeon6473]

"Here, you'll never guess who's dead" always gets me

[@XxcarreyettxX]

First Name Surname I don't get it?

[@kjamison5951]

Xx Carreyett xX It's the way in which the line is delivered. When a death is announced, there's a touch of respect for the person who has died. Rob's delivery sounds like a bit of juicy gossip.

[@OlliWilkman]

@@XxcarreyettxX It's like older ladies gossiping while having tea.

[@xtheamazingax]

It’s Dara’s chuckle afterwards that really puts the icing on the cake for this one. 😁

[@kjamison5951]

0:45 " 'Ere, you'll never guess who's dead!" LOL!

[@isobelstrevens3693]

We will now attempt to communicate with the victims of the cliff fall... U ALRIGHT MATE??

[@jaggass]

''The defendant avoided a long sentence because he's dyslexic''

[@faisallewis5902]

"And now over to our foreign correspondent. DO YOU SPEAK ENGLISH?" lmao

[@bryrk]

2:50 That Holly Walsh joke about Andy is critically underrated I couldn't stop laughing for about 10 minutes 😂

[@Tralby19]

Is there something I don't get

[@thehootsforce4201]

Drama at the origami world cup, more on this story as it unfolds.

[@SuperMarioDWfan]

Mock the Week never ceases to get me!

[@gabe9388]

You alright maaaaaaaaatttttteeeee!!!

[@TheRealXboxNerd]

My entry: "A recent report has revealed that 6 out of 7 dwarves aren't Happy"

[@AmberTheFangirl]

+TheRealXboxNerd Hey it's cool to see you here

[@Lord_Skeptic]

TheRealXboxNerd at least 6 out of 7 dwarfs are not grumpy

[@rlinders9972]

Your thumbnail matches the comment.

[@Larakinerd]

You have caused confusion and delay!

[@P0lkoli]

"A recent study provides evidence that"

[@FooBarBash]

Rob Beckett is on fire! And Milton

[@BedsitBob]

Dublin hospital has just opened a special ward, for unwanted twins. They've named it the Jedward.

[@MedievalGenie]

I liked that.

[@musefan12345]

I definitely read that in Milton Jones’ voice.

[@carlisroy6666]

Isn't that Chris Addison's joke?

[@stephenmurphy2212]

My entry: "Right, sorry I took so long!... Hello. Welcome to the Late News!"

[@gooscarguitar]

Why is the buzzer so deep

[@aisey100]

Because it's had therapy.

[@kieranhughes4090]

Gooscar it’s got a cold

[@TheTruthKiwi]

That's what she said

[@kieranhughes4090]

"And Caroline from Dagenham has got a terrific pair of norks"

[@eclectica1]

K J To be fair, that could have been something that Prince Philip could have been reported as saying back in the day.

[@JamesS805]

It’s real simple. I see Milton in the thumbnail, I click.

[@jetfire851]

Could they just make Milton Jones one of the permanent panelists? He's easily the best person in the most recent seasons.

[@peterjoyfilms]

Doug Glassman He's great but there are equally good and better

[@jaggass]

''Liam and Noel gallagher have pledged their alliance to the so called Islamic State by going to Syria and forming a new band called OAISIS''

[@dancingwithnature5303]

🤦ohh dear! Quick note: I am chuckling though!

[@angeredasha9959]

Romesh's side just slaged each other off!

[@Tralby19]

What

[@PsychoEdits]

@@Tralby19 Romeshs team basically used each other in their jokes.

[@TheTruthKiwi]

That long range weather forecast though

[@kjamison5951]

My entry: “Local news now … that snobby prat from number 42 has had his kitchen all done up.”

[@musefan12345]

Beckett on Fire 🔥

[@leodb3894]

Welcome to the ten o clock news and now our main story, it's been three years since my voice last showed any signs of enthusiasm and soon the wrinkles on my face will render me useless to my media overlords.

[@Phyrostyxx]

"Donald Trump best demonstration of strength happened today, this heart-warming moment when he said : "I'm sorry, I was wrong, please forgive me.""

[@Lord_Skeptic]

we will now attempt to talk to the survivors of the cliff fall. i have told you once.

[@FirlowXD]

The Al Jazeera joke is legendary lmao

[@missgfaulkner]

Best SWLTS in a while!!

[@nicholasseaks95]

An American schoolteacher was arrested today, charged with providing her students with hallucinogenic drugs. Investigators would have never discovered the ploy, had it not been for one student who described the many outlandish adventures he had, on Ms. Frizzle's Magic School Bus.

[@abee2557]

"today we have no stories about brexit"

[@agaetisbyrjun]

Rob was on fire for this one

[@Nulono]

What does "gone strawberry" mean?

[@theyorkshire1]

It's a reference to Romesh's earlier piece about helping his child learn to read

[@oldmanc2]

One of the best!

[@reevethomas1083]

3:09 Romesh is thinking “to better watch what you say here”

[@FlameAdder]

Hahaha, Andy's reaction

[@glowstickcosplay]

My entry: Britain has successfully had a peaceful brexit

[@TheMultiGamerOfficial]

And now, some actual positive and good news!

[@edwardkinsey5680]

My entry: Philip Schofield has died. He was Born 2000 years ago in Egypt and went on to star in the west end between 94 to 97 under the stage name Joseph.

[@gennybaratta2460]

My entry: Donald Trump has been silent on matter

[@jaggass]

''Several McDonalds employees have gone on trial in Nuremburg. They claim that they were only following orders''

[@TomFynn]

Any chance of a link to Caroline from Dagenham's terrific pair? Asking for a friend.

[@jameswilliamson8847]

Was literally watching this on BBC 2 just now Ahahah

[@jaggass]

''a woman says that the death of her husband has left a huge hole in her life that hole should be filled as soon as she finds another boyfriend''

[@dodge10111]

I almost chocked at Romesh's peanut joke

[@aaronhurst4379]

The Al Jazeera joke was great haha

[@jaggass]

''Apologies about the comments i made earlier about the golf player and his handicap. I was referring to his average strokes during a tournament not a disability''

[@janemazurek2517]

Gotta love Rob

[@chrisgarton4225]

A man who had been swallowed by a whale escaped today, by running all the way to the end until he was pooped out.

[@mattdickie4696]

Colin Mocharie? Is that you? And why can't I spell your name?!

[@deeya]

oh that Manchester United crack... If only they knew back then that it was only the beginning of the end.

[@niallh4194]

"Good Morning, I regret to report that Michael Jackson has reportedly died in the early hours of this morning.... well he guess won't ever get to "beat it" again...if you know what I mean"

[@KatieB-pd3tf]

They should do unlikely things to hear on mock the week 😂😂

[@Tralby19]

Was Andys about ramesh at 3:05

[@Tiger516funny]

Earlier in the episode. Romesh made a joke about someone reading a sentence but replacing the last word to make it weird, he gives the example of "Jack goes strawberry" Andy Parson's sentence is a reference to this

[@ItsThatVogue]

Rob and Romesh were on fire in 2014

[@ItsThatVogue]

@Alan Cogan 13 years later? No

[@jaggass]

''I can't pronounce the names of the 2 Chinese men that were found dead so ill refer to them as 19 and 134''

[@kaylanparekh6494]

Who is the guy in the gray suit at 3:35

[@JaspreetSingh-bj2rt]

I like her

[@aminahmed-df8ik]

Assallamu Aleikum, welcome to BBC world service. 😊😊

[@oliverjroebuck]

1:04

[@DannyWonder]

Rob is hilar

[@Spencerinio5]

Oh god, whys Dara's darts gotten deeper?

[@Algahiem]

My antry: "A quick look at the papers now and here we see the Garield has eaten all the lasagna in the house while Andy Capp berated by his wife for lazing on the the couch."

[@NateSean]

Today on Fox News, "Everything Obama did that we agree with".

[@jaggass]

''Everything that Donald Trump says makes perfect sense''

[@HereticDuo]

Today on Fox News, *the truth*

[@jimbo6519]

Here’s one “Here I am in wonderful Blackpool”

[@elaineb7065]

The United Nations decided to crack down on billionaires...

[@dwaineturner3776]

THE TRUTH... 🤷🏼‍♂️

[@epicskipper2489]

As you can see from scenes behind me, the situation is dire as radicals are starting to slaughter every Syrian nationalist in sight. BBC news, Grimsby

[@Thenextworldwar]

The sun is not actually going to go supernova, according to current research.

[@LordAaronus]

if they really remove page 3 tho...

[@robertwoods7663]

And as you can see here we have footage of the school shooter being taken into custody by the police WAIT IS THAT MY SON?

[@aagg6124]

You almost forgot about it: brexit

[@sarcasmo57]

Norks.

[@sempiternal_dysphoria]

why is this slowed and pitched down?

[@Baileycake92]

Can someone explain the strawberry joke? Idgi :(

[@davimurph]

It's a callback to an earlier part of the show when Romesh talked about teaching his son to read

[@borednow]

non uk here: what does "gone strawberry" mean?

[@OwainCynanRoberts]

uk here: I’ve no idea either.

[@Tiger516funny]

Earlier in the episode. Romesh made a joke about someone reading a sentence but replacing the last word to make it weird, he gives the example of "Jack goes strawberry" Andy Parson's sentence is a reference to this.

[@josh-gt9fm]

the buzzer...

[@jessicaesmewilliams2764]

jvoji What does the buzzer mean?

[@DS-op5eu]

❤️🏃🏼

[@crissy4445]

Don't get the strawberry joke?

[@henrikhyrup3995]

+crissy4445 It was a reference to a joke, Romesh made earlier in the show.

[@kiranash472]

crissy4445 it was a reference to what romesh said in the news reel one

[@chazzybara]

Earlier, Ramesh describes teaching children to read is the most annoying thing ever. He says that when they see a big word they look around the page and pick out a word at random: "Jack. Went. Strawberry?" "How can it be that. How can it be jack went strawberry? Tell you what, if he went strawberry how about you do it to! Go on! Go strawberry. Stop crying and go strawberry. Go kiwi then! I don't give a shit!" Also links with the vegan part. At the start of the show, romesh mentions he is a vegan twice and dara tells him to open every part of the show with "as a vegan" he does so on the wheel of news portion. Milton implements the vegan thing and the jack went strawberry in his wheel of news routine, claiming his grandmother wrote the book "jack went strawberry" and he hasn't been popular with his family as a vegan.

[@1969Kismet]

Halimations UK Gosh, you're good!

[@garethdebeer8827]

I don't get the vegan joke?

[@Munki]

Gareth de Beer one of Romesh's stand up bits is about his son "going strawberry".

[@jonathancooper4914]

Unlikely things to hear on the news... Truth.

[@BlueEyesWhiteTeddy]

Unlikely things to hear at a news programme: This is Fox news and water is wet.

[@GenericUsername-qp1ww]

*looks at CNN* "the truth"

[@iball310369]

It would be Natasha Kerplunkska not ski. Ski male ska female. Just saying

[@cyndersparadigm]

It's a play on the name Natasha Kaplinsky, who is (among other things) an actual newsreader. Just saying

[@cirrustate8674]

@@cyndersparadigm As well as a play on the game Kerplunk.

[@chrisgarton4225]

Vhy are ve speaking English?

[@ep4everlegend317]

Hugh Dennis Milton Jones and Andy parsons are always great... Rob Beckett just not funny

[@mitchellsmith2469]

has Milton ever told a single funny joke

[@BadWebDiver]

Tonnes!

[@cirrustate8674]

Only every time he's out there.

[@_reuben_.]

The guy in the multicoloured shirt is so annoying

[@perekorangiherewini-teawa3839]

Man that guy in the lime coloured shirt is just plain annoying! Not even remotely funny! Get rid of him!