Unmasking Shortcut for Autistic Adults

Ready to meet your unmasked self? This video explores one simple visualization technique for exploring more of who you truly are.
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DISCLAIMER: Taylor Heaton is not a licensed psychologist or specialist healthcare professional. Her services do not replace the care of psychologists or other healthcare professionals. Please note that Taylor can’t take any responsibility for the results of your actions, nor any harm or damage you suffer as a result of the use, or non-use of the information available through her website, KZbin Channel, or social media accounts. Please use judgment and conduct due diligence before taking any action or implementing any plan or practice suggested or recommended by Taylor Heaton or Mom on the Spectrum. Please note that Taylor doesn't make any guarantees about the results of the information you may apply from her website, KZbin channel, and/or social media accounts. Taylor shares educational and informational resources that are intended to help you succeed in navigating life as an autistic adult. You nevertheless need to know that your outcome will be the result of your own efforts, your particular situation, and innumerable other circumstances beyond Taylor's knowledge and control. Taylor is an Amazon affiliate and may receive commissions on qualifying purchases from affiliate links. Taylor is a Flare affiliate and may receive commissions on qualifying purchases from Flare links.
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[@sistahsunshine]

"Masking on purpose". Thats how I created Sistah Sunshine. It made a huge difference in my life (over 15 years)

[@lowwastehighmelanin]

Very cool!

[@pipwhitefeather5768]

Really helpful. A bit like - fake it til you make it. If we're masking anyway, why not choose a more authentically us mask. Brilliant idea. Not that woowoo I thought, more about working with ourselves. Thanks for everything Taylor x

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Yes, working WITH ourselves. 👏🩷💜

[@JasmineBrie99]

This "imagine it, then just be it" is exactly how I've operated for so many years! Maybe it has to do with the power of autistic imagination

[@whitneymason406]

I actually kind of already did something like this with my therapist when I was a teacher. I could work with kids with no issue but once I had to speak with the adults I would struggle, so my therapist would have me envision myself as a successful, fluent speaker in front of adults and it did help! My alter ego is Midna. I got the name from Zelda:Twilight Princess. It's my gamer tag online, too. She's a mischievous little sprite who turns out to be a princess at the end of the game.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

oh my goodness my son would love this. He's obsessed with Zelda. So glad this process has worked in your life!! Midna sounds awesome.

[@NeurodivergentMom]

Midna sounds super cool. YESSS to realizing you were a princess all along!

[@binesart]

I am not sure about the fake it to make it approach, because it has the potential to alienate yourself from yourself as well. I do like the idea to give your alter ego a name, and imagine to be someone else to imagine alternative behaviour and attitudes. I learned a lot from being around people who are like I would like to be, and just getting the vibe and imitating them a bit. But you really need to be careful to not just absorb whatever you think is right right now, and lose yourself on the way.

[@Sarcasmarkus]

There's a variation of this that isn't faking anything. Visualizing is straight up self hypnosis, if you actively practice visualizing yourself being more confident you activate the same parts of your brain that hold those emotional patterns. The more you practice the more you build the neural connections and the more natural it actually is to be that way. It will also trigger off that part of your mind that creates self fulfilling prophecies. There is neuro science that backs this up.

[@vivianstewart7523]

I would say it's a more directed approach than masking, and I am very aware I am doing it. I say to myself, "It's showtime!" LOL

[@jorinde85]

My alter ego is Joy! Carefree and kind 😊

[@MomontheSpectrum]

🤩

[@vivianstewart7523]

I definitely step into another personality when I have to go on an interview or go to a work party. It works brilliantly and now I LOVE going on interviews. It's almost a special interest! LOL I am a freelance worker so that's quite often.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Love to hear this!

[@DaariaaB]

In coaching people who are brilliant/innovative and shy and watching them grow in self-confidence, the experience that seems to help the most is the experience of helping other people and seeing firsthand the benefit that they are triggering or enhancing in the other person.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

This is a helpful perspective! Thanks for sharing.

[@SunnySunshineField]

That’s super interesting and meshes with my own experience. Thanks for sharing!

[@mysoulcalledlife]

Well said! And if you think about it, often times we behave in recurring patterns of behavior based on what’s happened to us in the past. So we’re not even really living in the now, we’re living in the past. But if we desire a different future and we’re disappointed it’s not happening because we keep living in the past as if it’s the truth, how crazy is that? So we need to become the person we wish to be in the future right now because we are only ever creating our reality in the now. So you’re absolutely right! Great video, Taylor. I love it. Thanks!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Yes!!! So well said. Thanks for sharing.

[@lauraburystedmundsyoga8231]

This is so difficult for me!! Imposter syndrome kicks in the moment I start pretending to be something I'm not (even if it's not yet). I feel like I'm acting a role - it's beyond masking even & I feel totally inauthentic. Imagining a future me is just impossible for my brain, although it can create characters easily enough. maybe that's why I have no ambition - because I can't do future visioning?!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Visualization can be tricky for us, especially since many of us deal with aphantasia. I think if visualization is tricky it might be helpful to focus more on identifying your wants and needs over time and taking action to bring them into reality! This also takes some practice but is an important habit!

[@lauraburystedmundsyoga8231]

@@MomontheSpectrum Thanks for replying, Taylor! That's a really helpful tip for those of us who find visualisation difficult. I will give it a try & see if it works for me 💚✊

[@nataliesirota2611]

Alter ego, Chava. It is my Hebrew name and means "life"! Also, yoga pants for me 9 months out of the year, under skirts, dresses, etc. = personal comfort!

[@vawkwardbat]

My name is Vida, which is "life" in Latin. Sorry, I just wanted to share. Chava is pretty 😊❤

[@nataliesirota2611]

So cool!@@vawkwardbat

[@PaulaZF]

Chava is my Hebrew name. I converted as an adult so I chose that name. Isn’t it also the name of Eve?

[@nataliesirota2611]

Yes, Paula and i too am an adult convert.@@PaulaZF

[@stupidsminkle]

Whenever people ask what I envision for my future or "where do you see yourself in __ years" I have a hard time picturing anything concrete, or I picture SO many possibilities. But one phrase that I do try to keep in mind is "What kind of person do you want to be?" and I have an easier time answering that. But I might try to think on this tool and see if it works when I'm in tough situations!

[@actually.amanda]

That's always been an impossible question for me 😂

[@charlottekylin4169]

You've given me a new way to look at something I've done for years, but what I thought of as masking. My older sister is very outgoing, good at talking to anyone and successful. I never felt I could be like her so I didn't try. One day I was getting ready for a job interview (cue the sweaty armpits) and I just decided to channel my sister. It worked. Didn't get the job but I felt I held my own. I see now that it was my way of acting as-if. After I tried it a few times I realized it was starting to feel like mine. I realized I'd always been able to be that confident in situations where I knew people and had a defined function, but now it was easier in situations that weren't like that. It's still not second nature, but it happens more often without having to think about it. The times it fails is with new people who I'm afraid are judging me, or when I'm overwhelmed. One downside is that it still makes me feel separate from others, so it's harder in situations when I want to make friends. So maybe it's still masking after all.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thanks for sharing this! I love hearing your take on it

[@NeurodivergentMom]

I'm so excited about this idea! been wanting to do something like this... rebrand myself somehow but didn't connect the dot to the ALTER EGO. It's brilliant! (p.s. I have a feeling that @tamkaur stepped into her alter ego which made her YT channel blow up and I'm inspired by her even though she's like 15 yrs younger than me) OK... here's my alter ego name - - - "Franklin" after Aretha FRANKLIN. Because the name is masculine and helps me break out of my "non-threatening good Indian girl" mask and because of the song Respect. It's time!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

👏👏👏

[@malapropia]

This is really weird that you are talking about this right now. I’ve been thinking about this non-stop! And it was a new way of thinking about this for me. I love this! Thank you for sharing. It’s really validating and I like how you frame it. Super helpful. (No name yet!)

[@sallie4str]

This won't work for me. I would just make another ego persona that I would then need to let go of later... seems like a dead end. But I can see why someone would think they needed to do this in order to have an interface with the world that worked better than the last mask. But I think it is best to work on realness and feel all the awkward new feelings that go with it.

[@bryonyvaughn2427]

Huh. New paradigm. Definitely going to try this. Thanks!

[@funniful]

I don’t have an alter ego name. But, “acting as if” has gotten me through lots and lots of my life.

[@user-bt6id7ql2n]

I believe it must be Mr. Jones from the song by Counting Crows. Mr. Jones represented the mask I was building in my 20’s. So long ago.

[@mumushroom286]

My "alter ego" name has to be Mu Mushroom 😂

[@MomontheSpectrum]

🍄🩵

[@TheCimbrianBull]

You really put the fun in fungi! 🍄😁

[@mumushroom286]

@@TheCimbrianBull Thanks 😆🍄

[@user-yc6ts6br8w]

I'm not sure about this. It feels like abandoning yourself the way you are for something that is "better" and what you think is good. This might be what is actually not good for you, you're just thinking right now it is. It is almost like losing your authentic self on purpose.

[@CheekieCharlie]

Not if youre doing it true to yourself. Not blowing smoke up your bum, but stopping yourself from letting air out of your balloon at the same time as youre blowing it up

[@melissamoore9709]

I think it's really helpful to reframe "who am I really". Because you shouldn't be dropping anything that is authentically you. It's not about how I can be better - it's about how would I act differently if I was not limited by fear. And then, whenever I choose to do so, I can imagine how that unlimited me would act in the current situation. If I want to, I can do the same thing. I'm not very social. Even if I wanted to be, that isn't me and cannot be part of my alter ego. But where I freeze, or lose my train of thought, what would an unlimited me do? Regular me would usually spiral and end with "ummm so yeah" and feel uncomfortable. Unlimited me might instead just say "whoops I lost my train of thought! Well, I'll tell you when it comes back to me." And maybe unlimited me would redirect the conversation. Or more likely, unlimited me would have her hands busy already and be comfortable with a lull in the flow of conversation. I'm not abandoning who I am by choosing a path that I feel better taking. And the alter ego concept is just a way to look around and notice other paths that may be suitable for me.

[@quirkycoolfam]

I love the idea of naming your alter ego !

[@lindaT82]

Thank you!!!💖✨

[@simplesimonhadapie]

Taylor stop being so helpful and so godamn beautiful x

[@leishabgc]

Love this! ❤ I am uncomfortable about having an alter ego (again!) and different name, and will adapt this advice to become my true and best self! ❤

[@johnpoynton4193]

Kat so helpful, person to person !

[@SunnySunshineField]

What a great idea! I’ve used this! Took a new type of job. Daily interaction with strangers, managing team, and had to be an energetic extrovert. All outside of my comfort zone. It took a bit but I just faked it. I grew so much - confidence and skills and loved every work day. I think the change was what you said. I chose to believe in myself. Also my manager was the best - super nurturing. I believe in you Taylor & think your channel brings so much to this world. ❤

[@rodmcisaac3]

I am reminded of the expression: Fake it, until you make it. And yes, it is inspirational following along with you as Mom grows. Role model you are.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

💕

[@krystalestrella9098]

Super cool idea 😊!

[@anamaria-thecreativenerdd]

Now you gotta watch part 2! ❤❤❤

[@vivianstewart7523]

This is brilliant!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

glad it was helpful to you! thanks for watching

[@capriquarius9861]

Sage. ..... My therapist had me do this a couple years ago, but I've been through another very depressive bout since then... come out on the other side just recently and so grateful to run across this reminder! Seems as though it's time for Sage to come back to life & light!♥️✨️ thank you 😊

[@KarenNightbird]

It's Nightbird! Lol, been adopting Magical personas (and names) for years. Helpful videos, thanks. I am not diagnosed, but am newly researching.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Love nightbird! Awesome

[@Inseparable724365]

Great video, great advice to gain the confidence that will be so richly rewarded. As far as going back and looking at the videos I did a couple of years ago .. funny and Oh my God !!! .. I have to take that down and redo them !!! (talking about the Music videos with Lyrics .. just a hobby). So by doing we gain skills we didn't have at first ...

[@TessaCoker]

Having been through 12 Step experiences I can honestly say that fake it till you make it (act as if to a lesser degree) was anathema to me. What I did not know then was that I am autistic and my whole life was an act! Even though I qualified I never fit in in AA and OA. Alter ego name um MsAuthenticity

[@starfoxloves]

I asked my Great Dane if I had an alter ego who was the baddest version of me possible and her look clearly said "Khaleesi" (those of y'all who are dog people will understand this conversation). And it's perfect because I'm a dog trainer and behaviorist, it definitely sometimes feels like being a queen of dragons, even as hard as I struggle to articulate it to the humans involved. Love this whole video and concept! And you have evolved so much and will continue to! 🩷💛🩷✨✨✨

[@hollieverafter]

I love your excitement about this. Oh, and it's Lulu. My alter ego😉

[@RyansChannel0203]

Great video as always. ❤

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thank you 🤗

[@sayusayme7729]

Wow, I wish I could see myself as clearly. Thank you, I’ve done this without knowing.

[@Mercuryandmoonpisces]

I love this video. I totally completely get it. Thank you for sharing. I don’t have a name but I do envision and “hear” certain people. Oprah for her courage to put it out there and providing a platform for others. Taylor Swift for her use of metaphor to talk about deep archetypal patterns and Maya Angelou for her wisdom.

[@lilacscentedfushias1852]

The thought of having to go through loads of videos makes me want to go into bedroom in the dark and read or snuggle under the duvet and procrastinate, check my emails, business emails, mass delete them, do online orders or my happy place, alone in the dark listening to something interesting on here while playing mahjong pairs on another screen.

[@juliecox6601]

Love this. I'm seriously unmasking in my 50s, having been diagnosed at 50 and a chronic people pleaser. My alter ego is Harley 🎉like Harley-Quinn baddas but not so violent! In real life I'm more Miss Honey😊

[@MomontheSpectrum]

love the name Harley!! Thanks for sharing

[@leilap2495]

Perfect timing! I am at this point in my life that I want to become open with others, but there are so many reasons (many valid) why I was so scared and too overwhelmed to do so. It feels so fake and even attention seeking (???) when I imagine what I would say. Planning to try your tips. Thanks

[@MomontheSpectrum]

I hope they are helpful to you! Thanks for your comment.

[@melodymsg]

Huh... I'm currently in the realization and research phase of figuring out autism but I'm realizing that thus is literally what I do with my DnD characters, which in one way or another are idealized aspects of myself that end up building confidence in those areas in real life. Maybe thats why I'm so obsessed with the hobby

[@KellyRobinson-zr7uz]

Thanks

[@MomontheSpectrum]

You’re welcome! Thank you! 🙏🏼

[@acutedimensions]

Luce Gripp (loose grip) - that's my "alter ego". I like to paint miniatures and I often find that, if I am not paying attention, I end up holding the paint brush and miniature with a very tight grip. It doesn't take long for my hands to get tired, so Luce Gripp was born. They even have a birthday, 10 days after my own, the day I acknowledged my autism. . Thank you for making this video, and all of the work you do😁

[@joycebrewer4150]

😊 My alter ego name for many years would've been FloraForager. I would practice as possible. Now, I am in a place that dream is literally out of reach. I don't know what I would aim for now.

[@StarGazeroftheMultiverse]

Hi Taylor thank you for sharing another great video! You're the bomb! My alter ego's name ..... never thought about it before, but its' Matt Martin. A name my wife suggested

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Love it! Thanks for sharing

[@nOkay986]

My name in video games in Riku... Does that count? Lmfao

[@merbst]

You go mammas!!

[@OGTimeBandit]

Yes, you are correct. I have lived my entire life like this. Picture it, replicate it. Isn’t that what we do best? It feels a bit like autistic “Inception”, though. Am I replicating a picture of the real me, or the vision an autistic me would have of the real me? 😅

[@MomontheSpectrum]

haha yes autistic inception!! i feel this way too :)

[@sharonvaldez9059]

I would love to take your course Unstuckify Your Life!!!!!! I haven’t been able to work for over a year, and don’t have the money. I’m embarrassed to ask, but am desperate to not feel so alone and “what to do with all this new info I’m just now uncovering”, at 50 years old…does anyone ever “gift” an extra seat for people who can’t afford the class?

[@MomontheSpectrum]

I have scholarships available! Email me [e-mail]

[@lowwastehighmelanin]

I don't do an alter ego. What I do is I put the anxious, shaky me into a box. And whatever happens happens (this is after 2 decades of customer service work and mistakes)*

[@jayrpep2524]

I’ve hear others talk about this also, more so when it comes to setting intentions and then learning to slowly work on embodying what those intentions mean or stand for for you, and as it gets more comfortable and feels more authentic more confidence is gained as you hold yourself more accountable with the intentions and then your inner and outer self gradually become more embodied. I get it and can agree to an extent that it can be helpful, but again like to an extent. It seems very situational and honestly could be detrimental if not done carefully and just add to more masking, disappointment and burnout. So again, like maybe, yes, maybe no, maybe just something to keep in mind with the right people and situations because I’m not sure if it would always be helpful and just a mindset tool to use with caution

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Definitely! With all things, nuance is an important thing!

[@TheBananakatt]

Thank you for posting. On a channel for people trying to accept and get to know themselves for the first time, pretending to be someone else is very off-putting advice.

[@stillnotstill]

Oh my god Thank you

[@MomontheSpectrum]

You’re welcome!

[@stillnotstill]

@@MomontheSpectrum I may be interpreting something differently here cause honestly I stopped at the part about imagining what you want then acting like it (stopped in order to absorb) but I imagined myself flappy and other stuff. I had a meltdown later, cause it's been a bad couple of weeks, but I handled it with flapping and rocking and I got out some fidget toys and it was so much easier that way omgggggggg? As opposed to just angrily crying like I always do. I think it was over way quicker and easier! Self-diagnosed in my late 30s so even though I know about stims and do them sometimes I don't often even though I'm in my own house all the time. So this was a huge step in the journey to like, learning to handle stuff in ways that actually work for me. I'm so grateful!

[@shiny6123]

I feel like I already do this… but I guess it gives us a new way of looking at masking? My other name is shiny . I never thought of it as an alter ego and I actually don’t know what that means but shiny because I always felt like a kettle about to boil over because I didn’t know what was wrong with me but since Ive discovered that I’m audhd now I’m a shiny kettle and I can shine! Might seem silly to others but hey I’m Autistic.

[@KNRK379]

I've used the "act as if" approach a lot in the past before I realized I was autistic. It's just another mask you can put on. It didn't help me grow my own personal TRUE confidence, though. If anything, it made me feel less confident. Because it was just another fake way to show up in the world. Looking at the comments, it seems that others have had a much different experience. Perhaps the knowledge that it is "masking on purpose" (as someone else has said) is what gives it positive power & not undermining sense of self. 🤷‍♀️

[@Kitofthearts]

Hi Tea, My original name is Christopher. For some reason, people have always called me Kit. So my nickname is Kit 😊

[@towzone]

Sounds like masking.

[@tellmesomethinggood.]

This is very quantum! Check out Dr. Joe Dispenza’s work. ❤🎉

[@Standridge.System]

I have mixed feelings about this, to be honest. I also have DID, so instead of alteregos, I have what are often called alters. Just like you, I pretend to be someone I'm not, so I can manage my daily life. The difference, it seems, is that I have to find opportunities to hide and just be myself for a while. Sometimes, I try to imagine what it would be like to just be me - and so I pretend.

[@willowrainwinchester3419]

I don't have an aspirational alter ego yet, but I did come up with a name for the snide, overly-critical voice I've developed in my life. I was simply calling it She (I'm cis-female) and decided she ultimatejy needed to be banned from my psyche. So I call her Banshee. Since she's always screeching...

[@crichard1815]

I've always, oddly, gotten in trouble for actually living IN, the moment and appreciating what I had, no matter what that is. So I don't feel the need for excess, or "stepping on other people's heads, to get what I want". Could someone make sense of that please? My alto's name is, "Ma brain".

[@caseyj1144]

Same. I’m not fond of this purposeful creation in unmasking-it feels like a different mask. I want to get better at listening and responding to my own body not a top-down concept

[@crichard1815]

@@caseyj1144 Thank you for replying. I think I may not have been specific enough? I meant more, how people for jobs and other stuff, will push others down, or step over other people's heads to achieve what they think, they deserve.

[@caseyj1144]

Yea it sounded like you were saying you didn’t use a mask bc you were at peace with what you had- no alter ego needed.

[@crichard1815]

@@caseyj1144 I am at peace at home, never with people. I usually just shut up and do, cause anything else is pointless. I always mask.

[@brianalanofthenorth]

Understood. I want to be rich so I just bought a yacht on my line of credit. That’s what you meant right? Jk, love the message, thanks Taylor!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Pretty much! 😝

[@aleah3119]

But… isn’t this… masking? I mean, I guess “masking for yourself” rather than “what do other people want me to be” is an improvement of sorts. But putting your internal resources into a different form of masking in the pursuit of unmasking seems like delaying the process. Confused and perhaps politely disagreeing/trying to foster discussion

[@wianbrits7521]

Vanity

[@CheekieCharlie]

I was named Randi at birth, but now outside of the house i go by Charlotte, or Charlie! That kind of counts i guess, when people call me Randi it just feels super wrong

[@MomontheSpectrum]

I think it totally counts! Thanks for sharing.

[@CheekieCharlie]

@@MomontheSpectrum of course! I got bullied a lot for the name Randi because Austin Powers came out around then. 😂

[@_Redtailhawk_]

Jonnie Sky

[@livw940]

Vivienne

[@aj_us]

I try to do this but I’m scared it’ll create multiple personalities or worsen my masking and avoidance of who I really am

[@brandonthetinkerer]

sure... "act as if" "fake it til you make it" the whole Beyonce's Alter Ego Sasha Fierce...

[@s1monstar23]

So you’re saying put the mask on you WANT instead of the one you thought others wanted you to exhibit?! Paradoxically, masking as yourself is unmasking? The task is to be sure you’re being true to yourself…

[@Brutuscomedy]

Brutus 🤷🙄

[@way-cute]

Oh interesting... for some reason this made me think about drag queens though, haha

[@andrekaasik]

whats wrong with you? 2 min in and you say nothing about the topic

[@OldTimer1970]

I've had the nickname Shadow since I was knee-high to a grasshopper. I'd follow my Grandfather everywhere. Later in life that changed to ShadowFX my online gaming persona. Alas, he's a highly trained rogue, specialising in stealth combat. I miss him, I hung up my daggers just over a year ago to start building games, but I digress. I'd love to have his persona in really difficult social situations, however, the way he deals with things is frowned upon in the UK. But I get what you mean. P.S. Feeling much more on track this week.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Love the name Shadow!