5 Lessons Lady Gaga Taught Me About Unmasking as an Autistic Adult

In September of 2023 I had the pleasure of seeing Lady Gaga’s jazz show in Las Vegas. After seeing her perform live and visiting her fashion exhibit, I realized just how much she had taught me about the art of unmasking and embracing your true self. This video details my experience and explores 5 concepts Lady Gaga taught me through her bold forms of self expression.
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[@Fer-De-Lance]

1. It takes courage (2:45). 2. You can unmask by masking (4:00). 3. The Art of Improv (5:23). 4. Commit (8:15). 5. Don't apologize for who you are (9:31).

[@cammie49]

The thing about unmasking is that you repel people you wouldn’t want to be friends with anyway while, at the same time, attracting interesting people that you can easily get along with!! But it has to be done in a place where there is some potential for attracting the neurodivergent. I am 61 and I go dance like a crazy 30-year old at a few places with fun live Blues bands. I have made actual friends which has not happened in 20 years! But if I behave like that in any other setting…say, outside at a free concert in a park.. I mostly repel people (maybe they think I’m drunk or on drugs). Also, blues jams (ie no set list, musicians just having fun and experimenting rather than just plodding through a performance) seem to attract a neurodivergent crowd!

[@beatlebrarian]

I have decided to do Burlesque and disclosed that I'm newly knowing my autism at 38 and needing community. Everyone has been so wonderful. We are all going through something so vulnerable together. Some are dancers and a lot of us are not. I make a lot of jokes to break the tension and I love that people laugh and am fine when people don't! It's great to be myself and also love creating characters and exaggerating versions of myself.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

💯👏👏👏👏👏 Keep going!! I love to hear it.

[@wolfdreams2000]

Lady Gaga is amazing ❤ She's what my mom used to call a "true showman" which is a real art

[@MomontheSpectrum]

DEFINITELY a true show woman. It’s like she wrote the book on how to captivate an audience. So much confidence and joy radiate from her!

[@nryane]

Unmasking by masking! A lot of my life, I’ve intentionally “masked”, putting out a part of me that seems to come from deep inside. Instead of “pretending” to be someone I’m not, I’ve put forward someone I AM! Perhaps not like LadyGaga, because I’m not a performing artist, but more like a “weird, wacky, silly” person. And lately, since my diagnosis in July of this year, I’ve been experimenting with enjoying my “oddness”. Thanks, Taylor. Your enthusiasm over your Lady Gaga experience in Vegas flows into me.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

I love this so much!! Thanks for sharing.

[@GuyG.KTalesOfAnimals]

Thank you for sharing as a newcomer this is really inspiring for me to read 💚

[@peterbelanger4094]

All this "masking" stuff is an issue that seems to be mostly with female autism. I would also argue that "masking" is a neurotypical trait and people who "mask" a lot are LESS autistic. As a male with autism, I am unfamiliar with this "masking" behavior. You girls are faking it, you just want to be more sympathetic to your children. I'd even question the level of autism in anyone who has been able to be a parent and get toan adult life like that. Y'all are faking it. Most of you ladies are quite NT.

[@villanelle7219]

omg!! as an autistic who has been obsessed with gaga for years, i am so happy you made this video.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

💓💓💓

[@virginiaturner3978]

I saw some interviews with Lady Gaga and I'm just drawn to her... she captivates me.

[@gemmawatts2234]

Same

[@JoeJoeTater]

Yeah, art is a really amazing way for ND people to connect. It's like a secret language. If you know, you know, and the NTs can just write it off as "weird art" and not attack you for it. Like, I can listen to a symphony by a long-dead composer from the other side of the world who spoke a different language and just know that it sounds the way happy-stimming feels. Like, music history and harmonic analysis be damned, I know what that song is about! (I'm thinking of Beethoven's 5th, if anyone's wondering.) I've been a fan of Lady Gaga for a long time, and had a hard time identifying why her and not some other pop star. Like, I'm not particularly gender-queer. After figuring out that I'm high-masking autistic, it makes a lot more sense why I'd gravitate to someone who uses art to pry open the envelope of socially acceptable weirdness. I think that's why I keep coming back to creative/artistic endeavours in my own life; they give me an excuse to safely be myself, because if an NT thinks I'm being weird they can just dismiss it as "avant garde".

[@vivianstewart7523]

Great comment, JoeJoe! I agree 100%

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Love what you said about "it sounds the way happy-stimming feels." Yes!! Thanks for sharing

[@monicadillon5511]

I was bewildered when I saw the title of this video. I myself and self diagnosed autistic (I have my assesment coming up in about 5 months.) Anyway Gaga has been my special interest for the past 15 years. And a part of me I feel always realized I was different which made me gravitate towards her. She flew her "freak flag" high as she would call it. Hahaha She made me realize from a young age that my differences are to be celebrated and loved. I'm so glad you see it as well!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

yess your differences absolutely deserve to be celebrated and loved ❤️ 💛 💚

[@steveschweickert6623]

Wow… this was so uplifting! Thank you for “putting YOURSELF out there” too! I don’t know if I’m on the spectrum, but my neurodivergence ADHD was diagnosed a very long time ago and now at age 71 I’m finally coming to terms with it thanks to people like you who form such a positive community! 👍

[@MomontheSpectrum]

You’re so welcome!! Thanks for your comment. I’m so glad you’re here!

[@cammie49]

I call #2 Flying my Freak Flag…because if people see you confident and happy while being weird, they are more accepting of it. It’s like “being very weird on purpose” is better than being a tiny but weird accidentally like when your weirdness leaks out around the edges of your mask.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

yesss!! i love this 💯

[@memyselfandchristina]

Only partway through the video so far but I'm loving this energy, spirit, and ideas! There's so much beauty and magic in pure "autistic joy"...thank you for sharing with us :) Not sure how to communicate this idea in a small comment, but in college I took this class called "The Philosophy of Improvisation" where we read philosophy and thoughts on improv while doing improvised activities, music, dance etc. My biggest takeaway is that improv requires structure...if you tell someone "Improvise something" they'll be frozen, but if you give the boundaries "Improvise a dance without moving your arms" then suddenly the possibilities open up. I think that message always resonated with me - maybe is my ASD + ADHD selves combined :)

[@JoeJoeTater]

I studied music composition briefly in school, and this notion of "balancing variety and consistency" and "arbitrary constraints are your canvas and the way you violate those constraints is how you create meaning" was very core. I ended up going into engineering rather than art, but I was surprised that the concepts still applied to design engineering. It's actually really frustrating how many engineers don't get it. It's a very treasured lesson for me, since I'm pretty sure I'm auDHD. Like, the balance of order and chaos plays a big part in my own mind.

[@vivianstewart7523]

@@JoeJoeTater I always considered art and engineering to be the same thing. 🙂 My favorite people are ones that understand both.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

LOVE THIS!! Great perspective. Thank you!

[@katieyoung7271]

What a beautiful and uplifting message. Your joy and inspiration were palpable. Thanks for sharing your experience. Gaga is an amazing human!

[@whitneymason406]

Thanks for sharing your interests with us! Love Lady Gaga! 💞

[@MomontheSpectrum]

so glad you love her too 😊

[@majickalstar]

Thankyou for sharing xx

[@lisabmpls]

Love Gaga!!! Born This Way is my hype song! She is an amazing musician and a bold soul! Love the 5 lessons you gleaned, too! They click into places like legos fitting together. Soooooo satisfying!!!!! 🎉❤🎉

[@MomontheSpectrum]

oooh good i'm so glad to hear it! 🧩

[@bluorb]

I'm so glad to see the fire / life back in your eyes 😻 I felt that burnout recently for about 3 months, and that was about 2 months ago. It is pretty awful to have no energy to do anything... but so great when you get it back. Very happy that you got yours back 😺

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thank you ☺️

[@SowAy]

The mask part really speaks to me ! For years, way before getting diagnosed, I've been drawing and sharing drawings about characters dealing with heavy stuff, it was me hiding behind this character, and it allowed me to unmask. As a creative, I love seeing videos like this, thanks.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

You're welcome! And I'm so glad to hear you've been drawing AND sharing your work!! So cool.

[@AnneShirleyMarshall]

Also a classically trained pianist, I invented a way to learn improv which is to play the chord progression to pachelbel canon in every key until it becomes easy... Then you can go on to jazz, blues, etc.

[@AnneShirleyMarshall]

Another trick I learned was play every scale (key) with the same (C) fingering...

[@TomiSimatupang]

Hi! This is so interesting and reminds me of Ted Greene. He was an autistic Jazz guitarist who had a knack for improvising in the baroque style and he couldn't even stand playing anything in the same key very often. Maybe you would like his teacher's archive here on youtube.

[@StephanieMarieTGSouthernBelle]

As a trans woman who has recently come to a realization of being on the spectrum, I can relate to number two. I often tell others that when I put on the makeup, I take off the mask. I am being unapologetically the authentic me. There's no more hiding. I am truly out and able to grow and become the best version of myself. It is so freeing.

[@keyc.1109]

Born this way is the best song ever

[@DJTripleRRR]

Thanks for another great video thanks Taylor :D

[@Bee-gl2dy]

Love this so much!!! TY for sharing! I love how there is no one right way to be autistic. I've felt too "neurotypical" to feel authentic in my ASD, but it's part of me. We're all figuring it out!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Same!!

[@thelostnarrator]

Thank you. I needed to hear this. I've been really taking chances in terms of my own content, and Gaga has always been one of my biggest inspiration. I always had a hard time expressing that to others, and this video pretty much encapsulates exactly why I love her as an artist.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

so glad to hear you love her too and draw inspiration from her work :)

[@sophiesullivanofficial]

Im in love with gaga! Thanks for this video - you are fab x

[@kimsobbe37]

I love this...thank you❤

[@benjaminvoss7987]

Very much enjoyed your thoughts on improv. It’s such a humbling and rewarding experience (I am a musician as well) and can teach you so much.

[@Baszihter]

Lovely video. Thank you!

[@astrologylover1184]

Rewatching this to inspire me not just as an autistic person but as a performer myself. Thank you.

[@TheNoxar311]

i just discovered your channel.I was diagnosed with ASD way into my adulthood. I've been in therapy since the diagnosis and made great strides; my quality of life has increased. yet, "Masking by Unmasking" is a GENIUS thought I never had and has never come in therapy. I already can tell a few examples of when I've done it and now I have better sense of how to foster it. Can't wait to see all your content!! T H A N K Y O U wholeheartedly

[@MomontheSpectrum]

you're very welcome! Thanks for your comment. Glad to have you as part of the community!

[@TomiSimatupang]

5:46 The thing is, there is nothing better than consistency and routine to get into musical improv! It's totally methodical: There are 12 notes ind standard western tuning and 5 musical parameters. By using only very small portions at a time, it will become as scary as ad-libbing your warm-up moves before working out or something. We like to take methods to the extreme. Well, create tension and release using only one note. Adding one note at a time, by the time you are using just 4 notes, you will have learned to apply many rules of rhythmic and melodic improvisation. The same logic can be applied to harmony. Then melody within harmony. Little steps, theory discipline. Oh there's another route: Copy paste what you hear until failure. Tom Waits said that he is a failed attempt of copying Harry Belafonte and Ray Charles.

[@markshepardsongs]

as a kid I often got shamed by my mom when I was exuberant and in "performance mode" so it has helped over the years to perform for kids.... just now at age 62 starting to commit to living my music "out in the world". thank you for your inspiration and encouragement!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

YES!!! I am here CHEERING YOU ON!!! Your comment makes me so happy. Keep going!

[@markshepardsongs]

@@MomontheSpectrum thanks 🙏 you’re making a serious difference in a lot of lives!!!

[@timothywalker4563]

Gaga and Jazz, nice bucket list 🤓

[@jennieforsberg4415]

MY GOD YES! You nail it completely in this video!❤

[@GuyG.KTalesOfAnimals]

ON SPOT

[@harrietholmes8580]

Thank you for this. It was just what I needed to see today ❤😊

[@MomontheSpectrum]

I'm so glad!

[@autie_kniggit]

This was beautiful and well said. ❤️

[@MomontheSpectrum]

💓

[@laurenjb7]

I love the concept of unmasking by masking. I feel like little by little I am doing that. I've always been told my style and interests are an enigma because they contradict with each other, and for a while I kind of felt fraudulent, like who am I actually amongst all this, but I've come to realize it's all of the above. We are complex multifaceted creatures that have the privilege of so many mediums for self expression, we can be a dark poetic goth one day, a whimsical flower child monday, a put together scientist at work tuesday. We don't hide behind the costumes, but rather use them to reflect all the different parts of us.

[@SweetStuffOnMonarchLane]

Love your excitement about Lady Gaga... she is one amazing person! I just loved her and Bradley Cooper in A Star is Born! There's just something about true expression through art that gets me every time. I know I'm in the presence of it when the nerves at the back of my neck do that tingling thing... it's an uncontrollable physical reaction to something beyond the physical. I get that when Gaga sings. The older I get, the more of that 'I don’t give a sh!t what people think' attitude I aquire, but... you know... in a nice way. 😊 I don't want to have a bunch of regrets when I'm on my death bed, especially from letting others have control over what or how I express ME. I have had many people tell me that they appreciate how "real" I am... people that I had no idea felt that way about me until they said that. It's only through unmasking and being your true self... showing your vulnerabilities... that others will feel safe to do the same around you. I think a lot of people know when something is 'off' about a person, or if they are full of BS, but they're too nice to call the person out on it.

[@msjostr]

While doing research About a grdaughtr I realized both my mother & daughter is on spectrum thank you for your content and sparking conversations that are causing understanding and healing.

[@jolinewitsen3925]

You're so right, I've been of the opinion for a while now that part of unmasking is just creating a mask for yourself that feels honest and fun, like the person you want to be. Rather than hiding in the background like I used to I'm intentionally a bit weird, overdressed and affectionate. It kind of enforces a more equal ground where I'm taking the step to adjust to others and they are also forced to adjust to me

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Love this so much! Thank you for putting this into words.

[@gracefulkimberella]

I appreciate the insights you shared about what you learned through your experience. Truly. Very thankful. It helped me realize how I can step up my relationship with God

[@oooosala]

Excellent articulation of the amazing ways we can use masking to express ourselves. Yes, since we are masking on a daily basis, why not use it to shine?! Brilliant. I think we do this subconsciously, but it’s time we exploit the method! Thank you! Your observations are so helpful. You are a treasure.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Of course! I'm so glad the video was helpful. Thanks for your comment.

[@Darcy83]

Hit the cry button here but why am I laughing my head hurts gut hurts on this one again but I am good needed it 😅😊 you just so good at your expression coherently thanks

[@cowsonzambonis6]

LOVE the idea of embrace improv! Also, taking up space…I need to get to the point where I feel like I should…but I want to get there. So many great messages in this video- thanks so much for sharing!!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

You're welcome! And you will get there - one baby step at a time!! You've got this. :)

[@Johnnyvicious1313]

Can we talk about Billie Joe armstrong of green day green day in general? They have so so many quotes. Billie himself has actually been diagnosed with an anxiety panic disorder, but sometimes I wonder when they get misdiagnosed since there's some traits that seem to line up so well to the criteria. Will we ever know probably not. I try not to really speculate, but Billie some things just different about Billie. The fact that I've seen autistic women get misdiagnosed with an anxiety disorder before they're even diagnosed with autism. The fact it's just so hard to even get diagnosed with it now. It's really sad. It should be made easier and more Exccessable.

[@bobtheburger1984]

Gerard Way of My Chemical Romance also

[@Johnnyvicious1313]

@@bobtheburger1984 yup I've always suspected Gerard and Mikey way too. It's sad like more people are going undiagnosed and misdiagnosed.

[@Johnnyvicious1313]

I have a page where I actually talk about the scene community on Instagram and a lot about autism. I've just changed my username to he's the son of rage and love after greenday.

[@Johnnyvicious1313]

When I'm on Instagram I'll usually try to post about autism awareness as much as I can, and along with my main topics of interests. Right now I'm thinking about making separate accounts. If I can maintain them even.

[@olenick9590]

It could be cptsd or spd (sensory processing disorder)

[@freshfishism]

Thanks Mom (o.t.s.), I really heard the message and I needed that right now. Bless.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Sending autistically appropriate hugs 💓

[@scrapshappen]

She is amazing...

[@MomontheSpectrum]

🙌

[@catcraddle65]

❤️💙

[@oakenadams3844]

I feel like this about Aurora ✨️

[@ilubuuhehh2773]

heee i love her so fucking much

[@MomontheSpectrum]

saaaaaame

[@IllyDragonfly]

As somebody who fell in love with cosplaying and went from never wanting to be noticed or even to have their photograph taken I think I'm on the path of senpai Lady Gaga, at least for the 'explore with fun' with lierally all the fictional characters I bring to life XD If I keep going I'll reach lik 100 different masks worn in 12 years.

[@i3ignorantidelweb43]

I have a mask because it’s like that when I’m myself I have to apologise like that other people are not happy with what I am and they tell me that, it’s not like I can escape because it’s family and school. And I don’t want to be mocked/scolded in my own environment I can’t escape for now

[@MomontheSpectrum]

There are people out there who will love you for you. I have hope you will find them!! And they will find you!

[@i3ignorantidelweb43]

@@MomontheSpectrum Saturday I came to a great conclusion but i can’t unmask just yet because i have to heal my inner child and I can’t wait to heal it

[@s0cializedpsych0path]

Oh thank God! You scared me there for a minute! I don't want to be associated with that woman, in any way. I'm glad you could take what you did, from her example...... sadly, I believe she is actually more towards HPD. She has A LOT of Cluster B traits.... she always comes out as a crazy visual "Characters" but there doesn't seem to be much "her" their. To people like that, it isn't courage. They don't know "who they are", and are often neglected or invalidated in some ways as a child.... probably from her parents. She's still seeking that attention and approval. They aren't "battling shame" to do it..... I, on the other hand, am an autistic singer/guitarist/once upon a time trumper, I had to battle that fear.... in fact, I found a great trick for it. See, when I first started singing live, I hated the stage lights shining in my eyes..... but when I went out suddenly, in front of 1,000 people, at the Bodog Battle of the Bands, I got my first instance of stage fright. But then the lights came on.... the brightest stage lights Id ever experienced. However, this time, I just let them blind me, and found a spot right under the lights, where if I stared off there, it appeared I was facing the crowd, but I only saw a black void..... as if we were rehearsing. Immediately, the nervous claws my hands had curled into, released. It was one of our best performances. Just a pointer I picked up through first hand experience. After that show, I used to work with the light/sound guys to get that same effect before people would show up. It really helped.

[@pjkr123]

As an autistic male who LOATHE pop music, I think Lady Gaga is a good musician, especially with her collab w/ Metallica, so I respect her. The problem is rock music (not electronic rock, not Coldplay, but true instrumental band) NEVER again getting the reputation they deserve, which dragged to a snap perspective of me when I hear Lady Gaga as a pop artist, I immediately felt irritated. So I get the lessons, but her commitment toward pop music maybe is just not my taste. Would be nice if someday Lady Gaga make a rock/metal dedicated concert with her songs probably someday.

[@jcrosslin8]

I can't go anywhere in my meat dress without people giving strange looks... They probably realize I'm autistic 😂

[@vivianstewart7523]

LOL

[@StillGamingTM]

🤣

[@vivianstewart7523]

How do you see it fresh?

[@jcrosslin8]

@@vivianstewart7523 Just use it as you go! I'd just try and make sure to save enough Brisket to cover your biscuit ;)

[@Kali_Yugahhhh]

🤦‍♀️ 👁️ 🌊🖤

[@BachBeethovenBerg]

I’ve heard some of her jazz stuff a long time ago and I thought it was really good. I’m not really a fan of her pop stuff

[@virginiaturner3978]

If a doctor tells you there is no benefit to finding out what is something you could say or think about to help you not shut down and be able to "explain" myself???

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Connecting with the autistic community and hearing from others who have been invalidated. You are not alone. There is a reason you resonate with the autistic community. Focus on your own experience and remember no one else can ever truly know what it feels like to live your life. Trust your intuition and your own reality. You are important and your experience matters.

[@Maria-ei7zt]

It is so old fashioned to be introverted and sensitive, today you have to be autistic. So cool.

[@lilacscentedfushias1852]

I could be wrong because I’m not interested in celebrators & the vast majority of music is like red hot skewer in my ears… but I think she has EDS Ehlers Danlos syndrome too, they’re very common comorbidities, why is that such a horrible ugly word that makes is sound like a really terrible medical diagnosis. Eds is now classed with hypermobility spectrum disorder too.

[@GothicBookLover]

Lady Gaga is the last person I would listen to about how to live life.. but she's very talented