Unpacking 4 HARMFUL EXPECTATIONS of survivors of narcissistic relationships

[@NarcSurvivor]

Don’t expect anyone to understand or validate what you went through. Don’t expect the narcissist to care. And don’t expect anyone to be there to assist you along your healing journey. But be grateful that we have these online communities. We’re all in this together.

[@privateprivate8366]

Yes, if I listened, to the people who were enablers or who just didn’t understand, wittingly or not, in the short few years I’ve had to deal with the brunt of my family’s narcissism, I’d be dead and I know it. And those people would simply feel, “Well, yes, that may be the cost of helping your mom. Good riddance.” I am sooo glad, that when things started becoming ridiculous and I had epiphanies about how ridiculous, predatory and abusive, it had actually been, for a long time, I turned to the internet and YT. The sad thing is that, now that I’ve left my family and my mother has passed, I know there are people who feel, “Shoulda been you, instead. Doesn’t matter what she was doing to you.” But, I’ve become rather accustomed to the fact that most people live in darkness regarding this topic.

[@Andrea-HeIsKing]

My psychopath neighbors are so nasty that I'm surprisingly getting quite a bit of support. But this is not a personal relationship. I barely know these creeps and the sons 12 and 14 were reporting to me all kinds of covert abuse last year. I got threatened so bad I got a protection order from the court, I'm putting up a 6 foot fence,cameras ,self defense, and surprisingly people seem to actually get it. But again,this is a neighbor not a family or spouse. I'm going to throw a lawsuit at these creeps. Cost me $5g this summer just to feel kinda safe. And I'll be so relieved when the fence is done.😮😮😢 Psychopaths!!!!!

[@privateprivate8366]

@@Andrea-HeIsKing my situation is a bit similar, with a former sibling living just doors away, who doesn’t care about law enforcement and the court and who feels her house and my house are hers, one and the same. I think she just feels she’s kicking me off “her” property. Security cams up (caught stealing mail), broke in and changed the lock. I hope she works her way into jail and she’s certainly tried, with SS theft.

[@ChristianCroom]

Yeppers once you open up outside of safe spaces you open yourself up to survivor envy. Which I have found that when that happens people I opened up to used those experiences as a way to tweak it and scale it up to see how much shit they could put me through till I just walk away. Which it's honestly kinda crazy to do to someone. Cause then eventually you start to go further into a social freeze. Aka you just leave the blinders on with everyone. Just ice em out. So that they just eventually stop being a thing because trust is basically 0% so you start only dealing with interactions only on a need be basis.

[@marysisak2359]

So true!

[@deborahklinkner1730]

I am so grateful I left & started the 2nd half of my life over. Every morning I watch the sun come up over my woods (bought a 10 acre farn 2100 miles away) I feel so wonderful & happy & have a peace I never experienced in life ever before. My life makes me happy, I don't need someone in my life to make me happy (my crazy animals are all I need)

[@JasonGoldstein78]

I have also learned how to love myself. I no longer feel like I need someone in my life. Her abuse eventually lead me to a spiritual awakening. I've also changed my life drastically. God bless you, And your crazy animals

[@pennyrico8723]

Envious of your beautiful woods. What peace that must bring you!! Good for you!!❤

[@lt827]

“Patience is a scam.” Luv it

[@jrhc3827]

Compassion for self when I finally get angry or yell: I WAS exposed to FREQUENT anger and terrible yelling and screaming several times a week throughout my growing-up years. Thanks for that reminder. Makes me cry.

[@demigaines5644]

After Being Horribly Abused Emotionally And Psychologically By A Malignant Narcissist I’m Dealing With 1/. Overwhelming Of Sadness 2// Very Low Self Worth Self Confidence Self Esteem. 3/ Feelings Of Loneliness.4/. Severe Anxiety Panic Attacks Being Extremely Paranoid..Completely Isolating MySelf This Person Has Destroyed My Life,

[@Musicandfilms7]

Same here but with both of my parents, I'm trying to rebuild my life at 45, stay strong, hugs from Argentina

[@sonia12rmbr23]

I'm currently in your boat right now but, I'm still in the relationship because I have nowhere to go with 3 dogs and I can't find it in my heart to rehome them. All I'm doing in recording the verbal abuse until I can afford an attorney.

[@youngblood8540]

"Patience is a virtue" was intended to help the narcissist to buy time so they can get away with their BS.

[@kiv_daniels]

Right, humility as well. It only benefits them.

[@OnielMendezIrizarry]

grateful for people like you! please never stop doing what you do! it's helpful in so many ways & more than ever before people need to hear people like you because so many people may be manipulated without them knowing a thing & it is so much better moving on from people & stuff that's not good for anyone

[@dk5755]

I can finally enjoy being grateful and appreciative of things in “my own way”! The ex used to criticize and demean me for not broadcasting my gratefulness for him to hear. I felt I was expected to list off moments of gratitude I felt throughout the day just so he could judge the things I should and should not be grateful for, and criticize me for things he think weren’t “right”. I was expected to see the world exactly as he did, or else I was wrong and/or crazy. I tried explaining to him that gratitude is a feeling and doesn’t have to be shared in order to “prove” it exists, or that I felt/feel it. 🤦🏼‍♀️

[@ericawarren]

"After throwing up in your mouth..." yes Dr. Ramani! That literally made me lol! Thanks for that belly laugh.

[@mariehughey5390]

My narcissistic sister has never wanted to hear my feelings unless I was tearing the man in my life down. She triangulated my entire family of origin against me 20+ years ago. I didn’t understand what was happening until early 2023 thanks to KZbin doctors. But I did something right a few years ago she was hoovering, acting like nothing ever happened. She stated not wanting to blame but live peacefully in gratitude. I replied that I thought that was a great idea and that we could do that quite well completely independently of each other. And I meant it.

[@lt827]

One of the finest combinations of videos. Worth watching a second time.

[@NorinneWong]

Thank you for your dedicated research & sharing actionable wisdom so the abused may wake up to heal positively. Please take good care of yourself through all of this giving out consistently.❤❤🙏

[@devorahrose782]

OMG the commercials on your channel are so much more frequent than when I started listening a couple of years back... I'm glad you're more popular than ever and I share your videos so often because the free value is a life saver. AND, the commercials so frequently make it more difficult to listen while washing dishes etc etc. Mostly I'm grateful for the lesson in recognition of this pattern

[@lorenebaxter-e8c]

Waiting patiently for a narcissist is like waiting patiently for H&LL to freeze over.

[@donthateonblake]

Love your work ❤

[@soniajunkfood7946]

Exactly you aren’t their shrink and me I saw psychologists and psychiatrists. Contrary to my whole family. I tried to understand. All they did was destroy.

[@lizsanchez2416]

This is a great podcast Dr. Ramani, thank you, this allows me to see things more clearly.

[@marysisak2359]

Narcissistic abuse victim: Kind of like "Beat me, beat me, It feels so good when you stop."

[@TheoSwinford]

Why is it that I still miss my narcissistic mom? I’ve worked so hard to distance myself and set boundaries, and yet now that I’m away from her I miss her.

[@Andrea-HeIsKing]

Dr Ramani, peppers will live and produce indefinitely.( Most, I think). Plants have feelings (sense energies) just like every living, miraculous thing on our planet. Now that IS AMAZING.His creation is something to be grateful for. Thank you Dr Ramani for ALL you do. We ❤ you!!!😊

[@VirginiaHartwick]

Your book is life changing. Amazing. Thank you thank you 🙏🏼

[@lesliejoyce1944]

It is such a service how Dr Ramani keeps reminding us of the web of ways we blame the victim. Including self blame. When we blame the victim we do not have to help them, and victims know not to ask for anything or they’ll be punished. These days the stakes are super high. Some kinds of narcissistic abuse will leave victims unhoused and destitute with no way to survive. There are no services available. We can’t “gratitude” our way out of that.

[@ChristianaBonelliSmith-mo1ox]

I live in my car now as a senior with my husky dog of 12 years but I do look at the ravens who come up to visit and I feed them. The birds that gather my dogs hair off the grass and fly off to build nests. I'm grateful the sun is shining today as I drive through the mountains. I'm grateful I've survived excessive heat with no air conditioning in my car for me and my dog. I'm grateful winter isn't here yet as I will have no heat. I'm grateful for nature and the beauty so many ppl don't see as life is so stressful for them rushing here and there to pay for all the things they have. Mortgages, Car and Boat payments etc etc. think you for this video because yes some days I just look at the beauty I'm surrounded by when I want to cry for a home I don't have.

[@privateprivate8366]

I do try to be grateful about these small things. I know we’re moving to a more narcissistic and spartan life of, “You don’t need anything, but 5 jobs to scrape by.” Its part of the reason I have pets. They help me keep in touch, with the small, almost unnoticeable and beautiful. The warmth and tenderness, so many of us have to relinquish to abuse.

[@maevebutler4641]

Thank you, Dr.Ramini. I needed to hear your video today I am so very grateful to you. ❤

[@cellohood]

Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for posting this excellent and very helpful video and thank KZbin!

[@marysisak2359]

10:35 "There is no virtue in being a psychological punching bag for another person." Sometimes I used to think "You do not need to hit me with that club, hand it to me and I'll do it myself." Said like a true scapegoat.

[@ThanksHermione]

In high school I told my best friend about how my dad treated me. She responded, "Well at least he isn't beating you." What a low standard for behavior.

[@jrhc3827]

I find myself being less nice to the narcissist, which backfires cuz then I ruminate. I just have less patience for her; less time; less kindness in my voice. I just don't like her very much! And I'm a straight-shooter, so putting a fake smile on my face or in my voice is nearly impossible. I don't want to end up feeling guilty for less than upstanding behavior. It's all such a viscious circle, and I am exhausted. Compassion for self. Yes. Trying that. ;) Feels icky, though. Feels like I'm boo-hooing about being a victim, which is a narcissist thing to do. Yuck.

[@susanbradleyskov9179]

I get it, but you’re on your way. Maybe you can learn to think about something that makes you feel good, smile at that and let them pretend it’s for them. They are good at that. Just don’t tell them it’s nothing to do with them. You don’t have to be honest with them.

[@sandyfarrow7752]

Doc. I dated a narc on and off for 5 years. Me trying to get away from him. Causing me so much anxiety, my family doctor sent me to a psychologist Who couldnt actually diagnose him but showed me the proof. He told me to get him out of my life, said it wouldnt be easy.. He has numerous prison times that he lied about. He was using me to clean up his reputation. Whenthe shit hit the fan, he new I had told my family what he was doing, so if something happened to me, he would be suspect #1. This causes PTSD. I finally told him I had hired an attorney and if he ever contacted me again, we would file charges.

[@TheRater3]

I found out mine also had a criminal past. He also did unethical things with his job and falsifying documents. My therapist said he may also have ASD. It sounds like yours could be the same.

[@CJbrieflittlecandle]

When it’s not a conversation, just a lot of people talking about you behind your back

[@sueanncrawford6217]

My saying is don’t pray for patience or God will give you something to be patient about

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

I will whisper my gratitude because I don’t want the devil to hear me. Ty Dr. Ramani and group.

[@sharicoburn5475]

Patience is only a virtue in heavy traffic, the DMV, and any waiting times. NOT with problematic people!

[@anitarotheram1993]

Dr Ramani has helped me “rescue” my life. 🙏👏

[@andron967]

I think that we are awakening. And there is something much bigger than what we acknowledge as ourselves staging our growth. My life sucks as far as what most people seem to value. But growth, big or small is what I want. Sometimes I feel like I've slid backwards. OK . But I wouldn't change my past path. Not one step. And I'm trying to choose my steps now and in the future far more carefully.

[@JasonGoldstein78]

Sounds like you have begun a spiritual awakening.

[@GinaRogers-cb3sg]

Love you Dr. Ramani!

[@sushmayen]

Proverbs doesn't apply to narcissist. Wise sayings weren't made keeping them in mind.

[@rwilliams638]

When they speak of “fools” or “foolish men” in Proverbs. Replace the word “fool” with “narcissist”.

[@darlenesmith7487]

“ Than an interesting twist” “ finally fall from grace” “get their karma” “The rub”. “Revenge fantasy” “Revenge on schedule”. “Pinnacle of indifference”. “You Got Out”!!! Dr. Ramandi, Thank you for your depth of experience on this topic and sharing original content with vulnerability and love. Stay safe. ❤ ❤

[@nelnelS.nelnel]

After being mobbed at work my boss kept saying "Just be patient." and "Hang in there." I stayed long enough to almost get sick. Almost a year later she said "Oh, I don't remember. Maybe you were the mobber."

[@KristaAnderson-ex6jz]

In my experience forgiveness was perceived as weakness…as ‘you don’t have the guts to leave’. He worsened his behavior each time forgiveness was given for a large issue

[@Ozy-te1rr]

I did all my best to change my mom I’m54 Today and went no contact for a year thanks to D Ramani

[@KathieMihindukulasuriya]

What is frustrating is that the person who is causing conflict and harming others is excused, and their behavior minimized, while others are held to unrealistically high standards. If both were held to the same, reasonable standard, the narcissist would either control their behavior or not participate and everyone else would have a healthier environment.

[@wdavidmills]

I was far too patient.

[@sparkygump]

I waited 10 years, trying to fix things. In the end, it was euphoric recall and it was never going to change back. Of course, she discarded me after I lost patience with her act.

[@deborahcaron8841]

In a relationship with a narcissist if you don’t praise them and act grateful they attack you as unappreciative and uncaring. 😢

[@michaelgarrow3239]

I had to deal with psychopaths; they hurt me. They are gone; the damage is done. FTW

[@TheMmiguelito]

Okay Doc,flash that latin knowledge, we see you lol🙏🏿🙏🏿😊

[@BillyJupiter]

👍🏽💪🏽 "One day. One day. One too many days." Songlyric from Citizen Cope's - Bullet and a Target. Funny enough, the song might feel spot on for those having dealt with schmucks!

[@karenwalkowicz785]

Thank you, I am grateful for these videos.

[@KillTheFear]

Can you talk about how the Narcissist (I was married to an abusive covert) plans the story they want and baits you to try and make it play out? I have noticed this with Overts and Coverts. You can even spot what they are going to do I'm hopes you respond how they want. (My ex wife tried for years to get me to say "Your feeling dont matter". In 2021 when she was talking about her feelings on how physics works I fell it. She smiled a huge smile and immediately got rid of it with a fake angry face and the next day blasted me all over Social Media about how her husband who should love and care for her said her feelings dont matter. She didn't tell them the context was about quantum locking and she didnt like that particles could do that. Just that I said her feelings didn't matter as physics will work they way they work despite if we like it or not.

[@susanbradleyskov9179]

This is almost funny. I hope you can roll your eyes and smile to yourself when she can’t see it.

[@skachor]

Karma is a great equalizer. It takes the rules someone follows in life and weaponizes them right back at them.

[@wildhorses6817]

Definiteky not forgiving them, I did that and the Betrayals were even worse. Just stay away. They are very Damaged creatures.

[@ChristianaBonelliSmith-mo1ox]

Absolutely I'm suppose to forgive now that I have nothing left. Yet I am still happy for my children. What I've learned is if something really good came my way my lips are sealed. Don't tell anyone what your plans are.

[@OnielMendezIrizarry]

so many people get it & pretend they don't

[@jamescureton]

Disengageing works..

[@ChristianaBonelliSmith-mo1ox]

Lol absolutely and I've heard all the excuses. I enabled my mother. She had an awful childhood. I enabled my ex-husband. I enable my children while they yell at me, disrespect me, minimize my knowledge, wisdom, education all the behaviors, actions and attitudes they learned from their father the diagnosed narcissist but the one with the money, the job opportunities, the travel opportunities etc. The first winter in my car I woke up to ice all over the windows while he called all of them to cabo to discuss his "WILL" toasting to margarettas and showing me the pictures but not one called to see if I was ok. Yould think I was a crack head but I don't do drugs, I rarely ever have a drink and I've tried to get my dreams and went under attack. I got money to do what I wanted to do well in part and went under attack. Games played on me it was awful.

[@deborahslocation]

I need an understanding attorney who can relate to this type of issue

[@CTCAL]

Patience is a virtue. Be aware though that anyone with ulterior motives will use any good thing as a weapon to use against others. That's what the evil doers and the devils minions do. Jmo.

[@DENISEASTUNO-ow1qz]

❤Thank you ❤

[@steveobaby6048]

Hi doctor so here's my situation I'm in a relationship right now and the other day I was going for a walk and I've seen my ex-girlfriend's mom I used to date her daughter and when I told my ex-girlfriends Mom that I'm in a new relationship now she told me that the girl that I'm dating now has a boyfriend and when I asked my girlfriend about it she said the reason why she told her that we're not dating is because of that they can get off her back I've also asked her is she still with her boyfriend and I still haven't gotten an answer yet so my question to you is do I deserve an answer or should I let it go cuz right now I don't know what to do

[@PenninkJacob]

Question. I am somewhere in my healing and I have come upon a new problem. I am tired of being SAD, and every single thing I look at I think "Oh I should have done more". If I look at a cup, or my yard, I think it is so sad that I never played catch with my son (even tho his mother kept him hostage to exploit him from me). Or I look at my son's empty room and I think I should have done more... But you know I was PREVENTED from "doing more". I was exploited... So, I don't want to feel that crippling sadness when I look at my son's empty room anymore. But I also don't want to lose my empathy... Can you explain this and/or give me some words or phrases to describe this feeling? I just can't do it anymore. I can't keep feeling agony over and over uselessly, for things that were not only out of my control but done deliberately to hurt me (and my son). What is the word for this??? Thank you so much 👍❤❤❤

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

Look into parental alienation- it won’t lessen the heart break but can help you understand what happened. I’m so sorry

[@shellysawchuk1190]

I waited 30 years

[@EmpressScarletSmile]

Looking for a replacement family, no toxicity ❤ based in FL. ❤

[@neptunelove8534]

Thankyou.

[@randallblanchard4534]

Should I tell my narcissistic abuser, that he is " really not THAT important, in the scheme of things " ?

[@skachor]

What would you hope to gain?

[@randallblanchard4534]

@@skachor satisfaciton ? -- closure ?

[@garethbryant2183]

& longer & longer

[@OnielMendezIrizarry]

Grateful to Jesus Christ for people like you!

[@Ruth-ul6rw]

I love to read the Bible,I am one of the Lord's sheep and He is the Good Shepherd.

[@merlinwizard1000]

23rd, 22 September 2024

[@ambershaw4769]

19:30 Gratefulness notes