Unsure who you are, what you believe, and your unstable self-image

Order The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook by Dr. Fox: goo.gl/LQEgy1
Dr. Fox's latest (research based book): Antisocial, Narcissistic, and Borderline Personality Disorders: A New Conceptualization of Development, Reinforcement, Expression, and Treatment: www.amazon.com...
Do you find you seek diagnosis to determine not only "what is wrong with me?" but to try and define a sense of self that tends to change based upon who you're with, what you're thinking or dealing with at that time, or where you are at the time. This is due to that unstable self-image most folks with BPD experience. It's the WHO AM I? question. Today we're going to explore it and help you find some answers.
Research shows that BPD patients tended to describe themselves predominantly as helpful and sensitive but also typically reported emotions are sadness, anger, and anxiety. Many of you watching this may be surprised by the descriptors helpful and sensitive. But I agree with these descriptors, individuals with BPD do want to help others and are sensitive. I think this desire to help others gets derailed by sadness, anger, anxiety and other emotions and BPD symptoms due to unstable self-image paired with sensitivity.
It's hard to maintain your role, especially when your core content gets activated. This can drive you inward to self-contempt or to cause you to isolate. BPD causes self-esteem and affect instability related to not knowing who you are because it always feels like it's changing.
Without insight into this, the Who am I issue impacts all the relationships in your life and causes others to misperceive you, and absolutely causes you to misperceive yourself. Well, let's get a handle on this. First and foremost, recognize that roles change in different situations. As roles change, they don't have to change your perception of who you are, your beliefs, and how you see yourself. This is where you have to do some self-work. You have to know your roles and those motivators that keep you in those roles. Then explore what are the obstacles that keep you in those roles. I explore this in my Narcissistic Personality workbook b/c this issue is common in both NPD and BPD.
First, think about how you define your role with the following people and situations: Family, S.O., friends, coworkers, strangers at home, work, online, etc. Are you a daughter, son, mother, hero, scapegoat, etc.
Next, define who you think you are using descriptors. Are you kind, patient, fearful, etc. Be careful about using too many negative as we want a balance between both because we all have good and bad things about ourselves.
Now, what can you do to enhance your positives and decrease your negatives? First off, I want to encourage you to look at yourself while you're brushing your teeth and say a positive descriptor to yourself every day. Sounds odd, but it works. You've conditioned the negatives for so long, now let's do the positives.
Next, what behaviors help define your descriptors? Engage in those behaviors you want to enhance and think of replacement and adaptive ones for those you want to decrease. Do this on a regular basis across situations. This is laying the groundwork for a stable self-image. Situations and people don't change who you are. You are you, so go do you.
Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and a multi-award winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 15 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice. His specialty areas include personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, and emotional intelligence.
He has published several articles in these areas and is the author of:
Antisocial, Narcissistic, and Borderline Personality Disorders: A New Conceptualization of Development, Reinforcement, Expression, and Treatment. Available at: www.drdfox.com...
The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook: An Integrative Program to Understand and Manage Your BPD. Available at: goo.gl/LQEgy1
Antisocial, Borderline, Narcissistic and Histrionic Workbook: Treatment Strategies for Cluster B Personality Disorders (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Gold Award Winner): goo.gl/BLRkFy
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Toolbox: 55 Practical Treatment Techniques for Clients, Their Parents & Their Children (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Silver Award Winner):: goo.gl/sZYhym
The Clinician's Guide to Diagnosis and Treatment of Personality Disorders: goo.gl/ZAVe9v

[@tsholofelomakete5587]

You're the 1st person I can listen to because for some reason your tone isn't preachy or judgemental to me. And you just sound like you care. Thank you for that.

[@tanishalewis7591]

Additionally, he always speaks to the fact that we can be helped. Many other videos outright say its unlikely that we can improve/change.

[@MabelRD08]

💯💯💯💯💯💯💯 His tone and the way he speaks is so soothing and calming.

[@vickyauger2576]

I agree, this man seems to have so much empathy.

[@lilgorgo]

@@luticia Have you found someone else yet? Wishing you luck. I believe some people out there actually do care, I think and hope Dr Fox is one of those people imo. But unfortunately I've had a fair bit of experience with professionals who do not.

[@laurzee]

Agreed!

[@BobbieLovesBobbie]

I’ve described my life as being a supporting character in everyone else’s movie. I didn’t have my own story. And I feel like you just explained that to me. Thank you.

[@WildandFree4]

This!!! BTW love your name its beautiful. Sending love from a bpd chick in the UK ❤🧡

[@kubolor1234]

Are you related to Scott?

[@BobbieLovesBobbie]

@@kubolor1234 no lol he’s just my favorite artist

[@queertati]

I have said the same years ago to my therapist and still think of it as kinda true but he explained it so well.. I might think a lot about this video today.

[@BobbieLovesBobbie]

@@queertati videos like this definitely helped me. I think the main problem is that I was hurting and everyone around me acted like there was no reason to be. I had to learn that I am also a person with needs, and it’s okay if other people don’t understand. The better I understand myself, the better I can advocate for myself and communicate in a way that is effective.

[@fee_beezz]

I finally was diagnosed with bpd after many many years of chaos. I have always struggled with talking to a psychiatrist because I don't know what to say, as I might feel differently half an hour later. I find it hard to talk about myself. When they ask me questions I don't know how to answer them. Your videos are so helpful.

[@marcelusdarcy]

I really struggle with this too. How have you dealt with it? I try to just write everything down when I'm feeling it but then I look back when I'm not in that mood, and don't believe i ever felt like that

[@AURORAFIELDS]

I've had 5 therapists in my life so far (and I'm still a young adult too) and only really with the last one I've made *any* progress, exactly because of those reasons. I want the therapist to ask me stuff because I find it easier, but it's not like they really have any idea how. I've tried to force myself to tell about things and really still find it very difficult to do. I've told about few things that happened that were out of the ordinary and because it was really apparent, so it's been small amount of progress

[@iamyou8416]

I have the same exact issues!

[@iamyou8416]

@@marcelusdarcy Ugh! Me too!!

[@leahflower9924]

Your name reminds me of Fiona apple who I think might have BPD also because I really related to her lyrics lol

[@user1607987]

It's almost scary watching a video of "someone talking about me". Thank you so much!

[@gwenwatson8339]

I agree. I’m so happy I found Dr. Daniel Fox. If only I could go see him in person.

[@hotspothawkins6453]

Every time I find myself lost one of his videos pops into my feed and I remember “who I am,” feels like a mini ego death every time

[@pennybunny]

BPD is the most chaotic mental health problem of them all.. it's like emotions are amplified by 1000%.. diagnosis and videos like this make this condition so much more manageable. Thank You Dr Fox

[@wesleywells7374]

Brushing my teeth is usually the first thing I do. My issue is that I have a difficult time looking at myself in the mirror. Almost like I feel some type of shame

[@sassyslsgrl]

Omg me too

[@nettle8605]

Big mood.

[@titaniumexpose6365]

I know what you mean... but please know that you deserve a better life and I encourage you to work to achieve that, step by step, there's no need to run. I'm doing just that as well ❤.

[@wesleywells7374]

Oh wow. I forgot I commented on this. I feel the love ❤️

[@1diana1995]

Me too! I am hesitant to call it shame, but it’s so weird...

[@outofthebox183]

Idk who I am I just copied everyone and everything my whole life.

[@jordsupp]

My older sister was my 'model'. Early on, I figured that whatever she achieved is what I would also do. Leave school, get a job, travel, find a partner, marry, have children, live happile ever after ... well that didn't go the way I thought it would.

[@outofthebox183]

@@jordsupp my brother was my model and your comment is very true to what I thought was going to happen and it didn't. I moved from my home town to the big city to be like my brother. I just never found my way in life and it's frustrating.

[@amynaddra7230]

Your BPD WORKBOOK helped me more than 3 years of therapy and emdr!!!

[@titaniumexpose6365]

I just bought it and it's been such a great help. I'm still reading it and can't wait to get better!!

[@amandapreece1364]

You are literally saving my life

[@stevemarino2766]

Hi if anyone is reading this comment then I will be very grateful ? People with BPD lack self respect , so how do they build self respect, does self-validation skill in DBT build self respect? Please reply. Thanks.

[@Julia-lo3sy]

@@stevemarino2766 Hi! People with BPD tend to lack self esteem* and self validation in DBT can help with that :)

[@KateBates22zabu]

@@stevemarino2766 it probably can't hurt but when I'm having an episode I can never remember til it's too late & I take my anger out strangers then feel guilty til the next stressor. How can I self validate 💩a loser like me?

[@warmandpugly]

Need this 🙏🏼 so tired of feeling alone, questioning my sanity daily and having absolutely no idea who I am. I thought by 33 I’d have an idea. I have none. Thanks for all your work on such a misunderstood diagnosis 💚

[@Chihusky177]

Sweetheart I'm 55 in a couple of weeks. I'm still not there. I Just keep up the work. I do hope you success much quicker than me. X .

[@MabelRD08]

Im 33. Was diagnosed on nov,2020 after 10 yrs seeing several specialists and noone could diagnose until now. I finally got a diagnose but its scary af.

[@PaoloTrepiccione]

I am fighting tooth and nail to get my BPD diagnosed after a hospital flagged it as a concern about ten years, I am 38 and my life feels like it is falling apart. My cat died and I lost my job a few days later.

[@stevemarino2766]

Hi if anyone is reading this comment then I will be very grateful ? People with BPD lack self respect , so how do they build self respect, does self-validation skill in DBT build self respect? Please reply. Thanks.

[@warmandpugly]

@@stevemarino2766 I’m afraid I don’t have an answer for this but at a guess I would say that yes, self validation would increase self worth. Kind self talk is a huge one. One thing that I find helps me every time I commit to it is my spirituality. I am in a place now where very few BPD symptoms are showing through which feels incredible. I’ve been connecting to my belief that we are all part of a higher consciousness and that feeling brings me a sense of wholeness as well as self worth. This may not resonate or help you in any way but I thought it was worth sharing 🙏🏼 I hope you can find some comfort within yourself.

[@Anna-zq1zw]

“Helpful and sensitive but also reported emotions like sadness, anger, and anxiety” that’s literally how I’d describe myself. Every time I learn more about bpd I find myself wondering why it took so long for me to be diagnosed when I fit the criteria so obviously

[@gwenwatson8339]

I’ve never been diagnosed. But I know by my behaviors I at least have the traits. Mom, husband both NPD’s. And me I have “self loathing.

[@KateBates22zabu]

@@gwenwatson8339 I'm diagnosed. All that's offered for borderline is DBT. Sure it's great but my mind wanders & it seems so childish. Imagine you are a lush green lawn & rain is falling -- all one can do is accept the wet n cold. .that's DBT for me & it helps but usually can't remember it when it's nèded

[@lesleygore5106]

I’m a different person when with a different group of people. I am a liquid of different colour and temperature. 🥺😤😄🤪😭

[@serioussam209]

same

[@melinaburkhardt421]

Me too

[@jordsupp]

Yep - social chameleon. It can be useful.

[@donnaroachdonna65stars37]

Me to. I am who I need to be to fit in.

[@nettle8605]

I change my hair color every month or so. I can barely relate to the person I was a week ago, and I have a hard time remembering how other people (friends, family, coworkers etc.) are “like” after a few days of not seeing them, so I soon forget how I’m supposed to be “like”, which is especially frustrating and anxiety inducing when I see them again because “I don’t know you/you don’t know me/I’ve already rewired my brain and now I’ve had to mentally rearrange everything! Again!” It’s like I cease to exist when I’m not interacting with those I know/knew and who know/knew me.

[@CanadianDrifter777]

Wow, thanks for sharing that. I can really relate. It helps.

[@anupriyamoudgil6881]

HARD relate.

[@yailinreyes2755]

“No one is on the dark side all or on the light side either; it’s a balance, ” I loved that phrase; thanks a lot, Dr. Thanks.

[@mebeasensei]

If I see a BPD video by a BPD specialist I am 100% sure I have it. If I see an Attachment Theory video by an attachment theory specialist, I am avoidant this or that . If I see a video about Bipolar Disorder I am definitely type two BP. If I see a video about ADHD I am absolutely ADHD. Conclusion? The BPD specialist can say, ‘Well, it’s because you don’t know yourself that you can’t decide’. The BP doc will say, as you go up and down you can’t see the picture level headed...That said, thank you. I am 57 and have been ‘wrong’ in the head since my mid twenties.

[@zey1966]

This is so true... it’s so confusing

[@amandaoleary7024]

I can't help but feel like I need to see how others see me to be able to appreciate who I am. Ive heard people say some nice things that are uncommon to bring up in casual conversation that I would appreciate being more mainstream. If they hadnt said that, I would have no idea that I was special in such a way. Damn memory loss has me forgetting the combination of person, situation and thing said. But I remember how it made me feel. That's what counts...

[@pandorachaos9369]

I'm going through a lot of what I personally call "shadow work" right now and I just want to say, it's a very messy process that requires a lot of self forgiveness and undoing what I've been told all my life. Thanks to your videos and your workbook I've been able to remind myself that it's okay to be this way as I learn to build myself up again. Thank you so much for reaching out to those of us that are outright rejected by other therapists because of our BPD diagnosis.

[@itsjessguys7005]

Same! I would recommend it to anyone wanting to take that “big” next step , certainly isn’t easy

[@ABB14-11]

Sounds good, keep it up!

[@stevemarino2766]

Hi if anyone is reading this comment then I will be very grateful ? People with BPD lack self respect , so how do they build self respect, does self-validation skill in DBT build self respect? Please reply. Thanks.

[@roshanrahealer]

I've become addicted to shadow work! When the intense emotions arise, I still get the urge to run away. Then, they amplify because I'm a Gryffindor, so I dive in. Writing dark psychological fantasies has helped me, too. :) I hope you find a compassionate therapist to help. We all need support from people who don't judge our emotions as weak or fake.

[@TKO-qj5zx]

I sometimes wonder if relationships are just going to be impossible for me. It’s pure torture attempting to have any kind of normal relationships

[@laurenlexa8915]

thanks so much for this❤️small things such as choosing a favorite color, food etc or being asked "what are your hobbies" can be so overwhelming because I have no idea what I really like.

[@jennifergodwin29]

I get overwhelmed at those questions too

[@gwenwatson8339]

Yes!

[@lemat579]

At least here I am not lost... Purple and Pizza. (only purple is kind of indefinite colour, and pizza can go with almost everything). Are you crazy too? I have like 10 subpersonalities - Franciscan Monk Pater Familias Savior of the World Hasidic j.ew Cossac of Dnieper Polish noble from XVI century Ploretarian from 1900 Small pusher from slums Antisistem warrior Good boy Bad boy Intellectual Idiot .... ....

[@itsntok6071]

“what do you do in your spare time?” I DONT KNOW

[@ikevinalex]

If you ever find yourself contemplating, I want you to know you are making a difference. It really means something when someone can just sit down and explain who you are and why you are, when you've struggled with this question all your life.

[@zey1966]

This is so fucking weird. I’ve been watching all these videos about Borderline as I’m going through a depressive episode and I feel like the the pieces of the puzzle are coming together... All my life I’ve felt like an alien, always questioned “Who am I? Why am I here? What’s the point?”... For quite a while I thought it was just me being a teenager or lacking experiences, not yet knowing life in general. But I’m in my early twenties and the feelings of isolation, emptiness and alienation are still very much present and they don’t seem to be going away anytime soon. But the thought of me having a personality disorder just makes a lot of sense, or I just want it to make sense. It eases me in a sickly way. Because then I can say, “Oh, that’s why I’ve been this way since I can remember”. I know it’s not reliable to even try to self-diagnose. And I’m questioning myself as I’m writing this, but I feel like it would just be a lot easier if I had a name for all this...

[@belle3055]

I feel the same way. My therapist says I only have depression and anxiety, but I know there's more.

[@samantha-pd5mq]

Thank you! I struggle with this - a lot of the time it seems that my depression and BPD symptoms are the only constant in my identity and so I'm scared of moving past them.

[@snorlaxgender]

Identity disturbance is so scary, I can never think of myself as a good or even decent person, even when I'm doing something nice or productive. The tip about affirmation when you're brushing your teeth is a good one, definitely going to try that. Thank you. Also, I love the canvas prints of the covers of your own books. That's the kind of confidence I want someday.

[@thereisnosanctuary6184]

We are sad creatures, but we are special. It's society and its falseness, ingratitude that make life unlivable. I don't know a single honest human. Not one.

[@ryanlawliss1140]

I am in the midst of coming to understand this as what I have been doing for ten years with my wife. I am co dependent and I have been so hurt for so long and it gets worse and worse. I was pushing her out . Because I literally ran out of breath trying to get the same few points across.. finally she said.."I feel you never really loved me" my jaw dropped.. we have 4 year old twin boys that I spend every minute with. That was the point I said that I can't scream anymore trying to make you understand the same 4 points I have been trying to make for years. I became so exhausted I could not even perform in bed. She assumed that it because she had gained a few pounds. Once again I could not make her understand that i LOVE HER AND HER BODY! the more I said the worse it sounded to her..I tried to explain I feel dead I could not feel my emotions... literally.. the word I found to express it was I felt GONE! I was ready to make her leave and she obviously would take the boys. I told her I felt like I was DYING! She was gathering things to leave acting like whatever this is"your choice"...I broke. I ask her how do you think I have done this for this long hard as it's been and not love her. And explained I feel like she never understands a word I say and when I try to explain feeling she ALWAYS takes it wrong in the worst way. I said I don't want her to leave but can't freak out trying to explain the simplest feeling.. that's when I thought about looking on you tube and came across a video about borderline. I was amazed at the accuracy. I saw that it's literally a communication error...I just felt remorse..I felt so bad for not understanding this person that I care and love so much. And have been losing it on her and she back on me for so long. And now I found out that she didn't feel loved. But she still loved and took good care of me even not feeling loved..I asked her to stay and lose ALL my anger. I am on a mission now to get therapy and pray we can begin to understand and communicate... we are working on it and my patience has become unlimited...I did not even realize the gravity of suffering she goes through... she is an amazing inelegant woman and caring mother I AM SO GLAD THE YELLING HAS STOPPED AND MY BOYS ARE STILL HERE..I learned how important mental health is.. these types of videos saved my spirit. Anyone reading this take her feelings seriously. And your own also . The people like this have already been mistreated and nobody deserves to be yelled at and nobody deserves to be misunderstood.. I'm happy and gaining strength back and dark cloud is alot smaller....I can't believe how close I came to things being done and visiting my boys instead of curling up with all 3 of my loves on the couch..I wish I had tried to find this sooner... this was all just days ago and I have showed some of the things about thedisorder and she doesn't think it's her..I said no is both of us prob and I'm not a psychologist so we need help.. she agreed! We deserve to be happy and healthy including our sons. God bless anyone searching for understanding. You deserve to know the one you love!

[@DrDanielFox]

Thank you for sharing your experience. I think people will certainly benefit from hearing it and I wish you all the best.

[@aura420.]

I just quit my therapy again. Can not listen to nobody but Dr. Fox. Thank you for being here for us, appreciate it.

[@ryk6207]

I have a problem thinking no one would genuinely want to help me, because obviously I’m unworthy of it. So I suspect ulterior motives and tend to reject offered help. But it’s stupid because I know should be accepting some help anyway, even if the person isn’t totally devoted to me. And I know it’s beyond unfair to both parties for me to be practically crying out for help only to withdraw when I actually receive it. Confronting this shit sucks. I hate knowing I’m abusive and the past can’t be changed. I’ve been fortunate in many ways and I’m ruining it all.

[@sassyslsgrl]

It does suck. Healing is hard. Don't forget to give yourself credit for doing such a hard thing.

[@ABB14-11]

Same

[@ryk6207]

I’ve been practicing a little more mindfulness and acceptance recently, learning how to help myself again. I feel better, but the past is always there. This shit is killing me. It’s got to stop.

[@fee_beezz]

Still don't know

[@Art-zp1qg]

I hope you and your loved ones are doing well with the current Texas situation, doctor. Your videos have helped me quite a lot and I hope you're doing well through this.

[@blackness123445]

Dr.Fox, could you please talk more about depersonalization and derealization and how to deal with it? Thank you.

[@britneyspheres7yearsago11]

My journey started with realizing I’ve had Depersonalization disorder since the age of 15 from non-drug related issues, probably anxiety. I’m 25 now and recently I read about BPD. Out of the 9 symptoms for BPD Derealization is the strongest, like I never met anyone who’ve had this for so long and 24/7, not simply triggered from time to time (even though I helped dpdr sufferers online before) Is your story similar?

[@jennifermaxine2453]

I get angry because people treat me like a psychologist...I end up over sharing & then a toxic friend doesn't reciprocate it is one sided...I'm always the mediator or the listener, i mean both parties need to listen. I always end up giving too much & then there's lots of people who need help...I need a friend too....then boundaries are lost & I end up having this person talk my ear off....when I need to be treated equal...too. im not just here to be a slave...There needs to be balance. Those friends tend to be selfish or two faced. That is a user not a friend.

[@itsjessguys7005]

Hope you and your Texas residents are staying safe and warm through this winter freeze ! 🥶❄️ Praying for you all 🙏🏾

[@MyMachineWorld1990]

I’ve been working through your BPD workbook that I bought on Amazon. I’ve been absolutely miserable lately for this reason in the video. I have no idea who I am and so it’s hard to get a footing on what I even want or what will bring me a sense of purpose and peace. Or how to behave consistently in life.

[@jennylynnculbertson9086]

It's hard to do the book if you don't know what you believe about yourself I jyst got to that page today. But I bought 3 journals for this. One for the good stuff about me like you told us to do. One for regular jurnal8ng One for workbook I've filled out 8 pages trying to do the beliefs Behavior thing I'm figuring out my beliefs this way though I've gotten 2 beliefs so far. Ty so so so much for your intelligence Dr fox

[@bpdwoman2564]

Thank you for the video Dr. Fox and I hope you’re doing well. ❄️One thing that I’ve learned along my recovery line is that there’s a huge difference between changing who you are fundamentally for someone else in order to be accepted and loved because of low self-esteem. And quite another just to have your interests change by them being introduced by other people, or changing over time as you age with life experience. Which I think is human, and healthy! I think it’s important that people see the gray zone area of this aspect.

[@jennifergodwin29]

Thank you!

[@bpdwoman2564]

@@jennifergodwin29 welcome 🙂🏵

[@lindsayhardin5161]

Great insight! I so wish I knew my struggles over the years were BPD, relationships and sense of self are very difficult. I’ve been married 22 years and we have 4 daughters, all I can do is acknowledge the pain I’ve caused, and tell them how sorry I am. I’m hoping to find new ways to be in relationship with them. Thanks so much for sharing this.

[@jennylynnculbertson9086]

Please know the apologies mean the world to them I'm bpd But also daughter of a denial Bpd Mom All I ever wanted was an apology still I believe it'd change everything

[@taylorthatwriter6865]

I feel this overwhelming urge to become whoever I think the person around me wants. I feel like I have absolutely no agency--like I'm a puppet and someone else is pulling the strings. This even makes it hard for me to eat sometimes because I feel like I can't figure out how to even function whenever there isn't someone else around me. I cease to exist whenever I'm by myself. So I ache and search for SOMEONE to define me--even if its in sexual encounters / dating apps or pornography. Because if I'm a BAD (according to the worldview I try to hold) person then at least I'm SOMETHING. Even if suddenly afterward I'm overwhelmed by the guilt and the shame and the self hatred of doing those things. At least I feel something.

[@nikiyoussef55]

sorry to hear your condition it must be painful to feel that way i did not know borderline people are suffering that much i thought they were similar to narcissist

[@AnonymousUser-ss2qr]

Create imaginary people.

[@KpopManiac4Life]

I love how u vividly describe our perlis then give us steps for solution. You have such a kind, understanding n compassionate aura emanating from you!!

[@willf.h6951]

What about the inability to maintain interest in anything?

[@Kathrynlove]

Oh I KNOW!! I've had over 200 jobs because I get so board....and 200 boyfriends because they get boring too...

[@kyleglassman237]

@@Kathrynlove thank you for posting this! I lve had over 60 jobs 60 to 70 vehicles 50 motocross bikes or so (the 1 hobby ive kept over the years) and roughly 75ish girlfriends etc. Ive never seen anyone else claim the same

[@lemat579]

I thought I was extreme with my 15 jobs...

[@lemat579]

@@kyleglassman237sincerely how it is possible to have had 75 girlfriends, what you even mean my friend?

[@kyleglassman237]

@@lemat579 its not by choice! I always tell people I wish I knew what it was like to live in 1 town go to 1 school grow up in 1 house and 1 gf 1 car etc. I just lose interest in everything and everyone so quickly.

[@namjesussssss]

Omg thank you. I can't afford therapy. This is so helpful, been doing it for few days now and already feel the difference.

[@ABB14-11]

Stay strong ARMY💪

[@krystalweight3275]

It's so interesting to realize why I have a hard time saying good things about myself or accepting compliments is because growing up my parent made it very clear that even if we feel good about ourselves it's "tacky" to talk about. We keep our good thoughts to ourselves...what?! I see how absurd that is now but so hard to change that thought process! Being self aware is a blessing and a curse 🤣

[@sparkitspirit]

I just was diagnosed at 60, thankful for your videos they have been so helpful!

[@jennylynnculbertson9086]

Please enjoy your years. I feel late diagnosed is extra hard I am 49 But atleast we know We weren't making it all up. Please be kind to yourself

[@chloecarter8446]

For decades I've asked these questions, still blows me away hearing you describe me so perfectly. Very overwhelming that I didn't make it through my childhood as unscathed as I hoped I would, and I hate upsetting and confusing others and not being able to understand things. But knowing there's others like me, who aren't bad people and are just trying their absolute hardest to get through the days normally is so comforting. I am not alone. So grateful to have found this channel, has finally given me the courage to get help. Especially now I'm confident I have a diagnosis! Thank you soo much for the videos and all the work you put into helping us. Pretty sure you've changed my life for the better. Forever grateful.

[@willtopower2158]

I was brushing my teeth (and looking in the mirror) when I was listening to this talk. I said to myself, "You are a great guy'. Certainly the opposite to the negative self talk I usually hear. This statement gave me a boost right then and there. Thank you for your generosity in making these videos!

[@rhobot75]

Hi, Dr. Fox!! Hey, congrats on 106k viewers! WTG ^5! Hey, other day I had a vision of the inner me and it had a lovely ribbon spanning the gulf of nothing. It was so beautiful! And what I've been super lasering on the last month or more is actively reintergrating the Inner Child of me from about 9 to 12 years old, a me that's been a bit lost in the fun remembrances of high school and college and My Life- I dug out a couple photos of me from 7th grade and about to turn 13. The ribbon like weaving over the well is to me feeling like starting to if not "know who I am" then be healed and making myself whole. I got the image I'm sure b/c I saw this silly lollipop like toy thing in the Dollar Store that was actually a ribbon dispenser on a stick, all in soft rainbow pastels,, and I have no use but I wanted it. .. And Then! Yes, exactly, I had a DREAM after that with the ribbon in it, and the feeling of peace. Coolio!

[@teebaby29]

My daughter has BPD she is super loving until she's "activated". Then she's like the Tasmanian devil.

[@tanishalewis7591]

That's me also

[@melinaburkhardt421]

@@tanishalewis7591 I can relate. And I Just stumbled across the fact that you have the same user name as @ Tanita Hammond. Nice names.♥️🙋

[@tanishalewis7591]

@@melinaburkhardt421 lol yes. Thanks.

[@WhitePelicansareReal]

She can’t help it.

[@teebaby29]

Oh I know she's unable to help, I don't blame her I blame her last therapist. She gave her a diagnosis and then sent her on her way without the tools to help her understand what she was dealing with. If I hadn't stumbled upon this channel I'd still be doing things incorrectly.

[@belle2496]

My single mom was like this and I ended up becoming like this.😢

[@carter9543]

Need this video. Thank you in advanced

[@fallon7616]

I look forward to your videos. Helps me a lot, especially during these difficult times. Thank you, Dr. Fox.

[@heatherllewellyn6039]

Therapy time with Dr Fox, yey. In my opinion,Dr Fox is a flipping genius, the bloke doesn't know me, heck I don't know me, but he can tell me everything about me, down to the time I go to bed?! Hes awesome! Any chance of a video I can show my teens about bod, they have questions like how I got it, what's it like, do I wish I didn't have it etc, be awesome to find a video that would explain to my kids (13 & 15) what's it's like for mum to have bpd, Thanks for the video Dr Fox,. Awesome as usual! Xx 💞

[@georgieeve2026]

There might be some extra info on "Recovery Mom" in her KZbin videos or on her page directly :)

[@heatherllewellyn6039]

@@georgieeve2026 Thank you ❤️

[@jackiegrice714]

Thank you for this video. It’s been hard for me to take in for some reason. I tried a couple days ago but I had to stop watching because it took me to a dark place. I don’t have a BPD diagnosis, but there is so much that I relate to in your videos about this subject that I’m starting to wonder if there might be more to it. I’m 44 now, I think I’m my 20s I might have qualified for a diagnosis. I can check off so many of those boxes even now, but I have some striking differences too. I’ve never feared abandonment-I had to work really hard at not picking some random thing to feel threatened about and kicking everybody out of my life. Did that a few times, isolation wasn’t good for me either though....anyway, I wasn’t trying to write an autobiography, I was just letting you know that I appreciate the work that you do, that helps us to question and change ourselves.

[@jreavis1964]

I have had a big life change for the better thanks to your videos and my desire to know who i am. Thanks

[@DrDanielFox]

You are so welcome

[@blackness123445]

The more I watch BPD videos the more I have questions

[@KatieTantrum]

You’re a godsend.

[@giscottusa]

Dr Fox, could you talk about the 4 archetypes of borderline mothers: the waif, the hermit, the queen, the witch?( individual video for each one) I would love to hear your explanation on each one. Thank you!

[@froggo7215]

After watching an older vidoe of yours about having a sense of self I've managed to accept myself and see who I am. And the world is much less scary when I know who I am and what I want. I Don't know how to thank you doctor. I'm a painter and I would love to send you a painting as a present but I don't have your address :( you helped me a loooootttt. I can't thank you enough

[@WhitePelicansareReal]

He does have an office in Texas, just Google his name you should find him.

[@froggo7215]

@@WhitePelicansareReal tnx *.* I will

[@WhitePelicansareReal]

@@froggo7215 Your welcome, if you can’t find him, they are not supposed to accept gifts. Although if there’s a will there is a way, yes?

[@froggo7215]

@@WhitePelicansareReal oh that's unfortunate thanks for the info. Well I'm not American and I didn't know that and certainly I don't want to get him in trouble in anyway. I'll do some research about it for sure.

[@WhitePelicansareReal]

@@froggo7215 Although, I did look into it further, since you are not his client it would be considered more acceptable. I cannot speak for him, but it were me, I would be honored especially after what you said to him in the post. It would go to his office, not his home, so there would be no boundary breaking. If I can also say well done for being able to accept yourself! That is wonderful! I am very happy for you, stay safe, and let me know if you need anything else. 😊

[@alphadog3384]

DBT skills help with self identify.

[@alphadog3384]

Dr. Fox has a book & worksheets..

[@alphadog3384]

@@AlanCarson726 Dr. Fox has a book & worksheets

[@dawnfriesen8993]

Thank you for another great informative video. I have BPD and have been watching many of your videos educating myself. Also, have ordered your workbook, can't wait! I don't feel alone with this disorder anymore.

[@Mel-gz9gb]

Thank you for all of your work. It’s helped me begin to understand myself so much. I appreciate you! Hope you are staying safe and warm over in Texas

[@RoopaDudleyPaintings]

A Creator. I don't know if that is even a role. I create beauty, chaos, and concepts - most of the time all at once. If you ask my mother, I create problems, as per my sister, I create a mess, and if you ask my husband, I create pain. My daughters will beg to differ and say that I create a loving environment with solutions whereas my friends would say that I create fantastic realms of possibility. It all boils down to the perception of the beholder and could be said about anyone. I am everyone and no-one.

[@ladyixchel]

You are incredibly wise. Your videos and and work sheets have helped me tremendously. Thank you

[@Chrismyrick01]

This is the most insightful video on explaining my #1 problem in life! Thank You for this! Now I have a MUCH MUCH better understanding of myself and why I struggle with my personality changing so much depending on who’s around and what I think they expect of me. Even though I don’t want to play those different roles much of the times. I go from being confident in my abilities and skilled at my job. To an incompetent nervous klutz. This has held me back so so much from what I’m actually capable of accomplishing in my career and life. I’ve even starting believing that they were right about me. Simply because it has gone on for so long… Again, Thank You for making these insight building videos!

[@c.d.7943]

I'm watching these videos non stop. I really went down the rabbit hole and I am going back to therapy. But the problem is, as the patient you aren't taught about your BPD like this. It is often talk or learning skills (DBT) therapy. I wish there was more of a conversation about the disorder so we can break down what is happening in each situation I am problematic. I'm scared to go back. I'm scared I won't get better once again.

[@yunami599]

Perfect timing of this video, as my current therapy homework was exactly that: exploring my roles with different people. I noticed that they are not balanced at all, and very black with family and significant other ("the crazy and manipulative gf"; "the rebel teen") and white with work and me being by myself ("the successful career woman", "the creative soul"). I try to balance the discriptors more now. Thanks for that!

[@murphymystical1220]

Thank you .....we all love you....I hope I'll live enough to meet you....

[@mystrose333]

I've been searching for a long time for answers. This is the one trait I denied having until recently and although I need to watch this a couple more times to grasp it completely, it's starting to make sense. This is the first time I totally see myself in this trait. It's almost like I take on whatever role is needed for that person or group etc. I joined a support forum a week ago because I needed it and after my first post I turned into the role of support for other people. I feel like I can't ask for support now. Now, I know why filling out the About Me section for anything is so difficult. Anyway, I've learned a lot from Dr Fox. Thanks!

[@LinYouToo]

Do you have any statistics on the percentage of those with BPD who have experienced assault in their lifetimes? Are you opposed to exploring content in upcoming videos that address the issue of assault, and the effects it has? Fear, confusion, not knowing why we are the way we are, like some of us don’t like physical touch, other challenges… No one seems to really look at the contributing role that assault plays in exacerbating maladaptive coping mechanisms. If upcoming videos are not appropriate then could you recommend reading resources or materials? Thank you.

[@thereisnosanctuary6184]

I've been injured by another human at least 7 times.

[@rhyestripes6059]

@@thereisnosanctuary6184 weirdly I feel this. My home life was peacefull but neglectful, but school was literally just beatings

[@christopherforde7527]

I would like to know too. Ive been knocked out quite a few times and have been in so many fights throughout my life. I wonder too. I also wonder about CTE my rage is getting worse in my 41 years. I have separated myself from my girlfriend and her kids and am sticking to it. I impact their lives so much. I want to find answers and an affective strategy before i place myself around them again.

[@deborahbain9915]

You make sense Thankyou for helping me feel human again

[@linda9726]

Thanks for the video and all the comments that made me feel less alone! I'm having a date tomorrow and am so anxious because the other person will be waiting for me to show who I am when I so badly need something from other people to show me how I'm supposed to speak/act :(

[@GD-eh3mj]

Your channel has helped me gain perspective and understanding of myself over the past few weeks.👍

[@MilitiaHippie]

I FEEL like "why should I say anything nice to the guy in my mirror, he's always saying mean things about me". You know... "The demon"...

[@amyh9554]

thank you so much for making this video. It's so good to find someone give concrete actions to overcome some of struggles of bpd, instead of just describing it.

[@JoJo-qg1yt]

Dr Fox all I know is that the nightmare and wow you are the best ever I swear because it's hard it's the hardest thing ever thank you for all your time and effort and everything thank you so so much

[@leslee7059]

This is a very important video. Thank you.

[@alenakoba]

Thanks for videos, Dr Fox! Is there some online support groups/chats for people on BPD spectrum?

[@WhitePelicansareReal]

I hate looking in the mirror, I avoid almost at all cost, IYou triggered me with that and heard nothing after that, I can’t say nice things to myself, but I will watch the video again, THANK YOU! 😞

[@WhitePelicansareReal]

Thank you Dr. Daniel Fox ❤️, right back at you. I laughed when you said, “Look in the mirror when you brush your teeth. “ The second time around, I have been working on just being in the bathroom, a trigger for sure, thank you for the heart.

[@jennylynnculbertson9086]

Dr fox im so sad im 49 and just now knowing My diagnosis. Ive been processing the diagnosis. For a few months. I just started ur workbook I couldn't answer- I believe i am............. So im stumped. Ill figure this out ty so much for alll of yoyr work i probably wont die by my own hand now because of knowing and because of your work

[@DrDanielFox]

You’re welcome. Insight is a powerful thing. Use it to help yourself develop adaptive strategies to achieve your goals.

[@singinglawnchair]

Thanks for your videos, hope you and your family are safe and well right now!

[@CorpusKristieTN]

I really Like This and Where you were headed with it.. i feel I suffer from Cptsd which sometimes look like bpd .. childhood trauma, chaos, fathers rage and egotistical mother who Loooved to rise to the occasion.. and even provoke them

[@d-resmin]

You just described Anakin Skywalker from Star Wars. Many people pointed out that Anakin has BPD. He always wanted to help others, but Obi-Wan rerailed it. In my own case of BPD, people always derailed my sense of self.

[@DrDanielFox]

It's interesting how we can find relatable characters in movies and connect them to our own experiences. Anakin's journey and struggle with BPD resonates with many people. Hang in there and stay strong!

[@JennyLynn-x9o]

Ty Dr Foxx I want to be there for people so bad I feel so horrible that this is whT kind of friend I am. Especially a mom doing this

[@hannahhecklof]

You have such an amazing aura, thank you for your videos it's nice to see how much you truly care.

[@theeternallowlyoutcastrn]

Thank you Dr.Fox. your videos have been helpful

[@Xaxtarr_Neonraven]

This explains exactly what happened when I tried to reconnect with an old friend who was having difficulties with many members of his family. He tried to be helpful by pointing out my flaws and I did not want to be placed in the role of having to defend my behavior. I bristled at being placed on the receiving end of lectures, and I began to question the assumed implicit roles in our restored relationship. When I shifted the roles and questioned his behavior, he disconnected the call. I feel sorry, but everything is a learning experience. Most people have to deal with conflict and repair, but I got the sense that recovery and repair weren't available options in this situation.

[@stefss6833]

Hi! Could you maybe give advices on how to break away from having a favorite person?

[@KpopManiac4Life]

HOHOHOOOO. 20s are alr hard by default for most people but for ppl like us it's way friggin worse haha. no idea what to o w my life rn cz idk who i am.

[@willf.h6951]

Wait till you get to 50 and you still don't know who you are!!

[@melinaburkhardt421]

@@willf.h6951 Thank you for that comment. I feel I could contribute a lot to the commentary section but do not have the right to so because of my age. Officially, Borderline is supposed to heal by the time you get thirty and leave most individuals struggling with severe depression. But my BPD ist still there, every night and day.😰☹️Moody, eggshell ,rage, emptiness, fear of abandonment, hatred...guilt and shame and wishing to simply live in peace with at least myself and my family. No way to escape.

[@laamaly]

Thanks dr fox, I've followed you since 2018 and your work truly helps me

[@DrDanielFox]

Thank you for supporting the channel and I wish you all the best.

[@Sameoldfitup]

When I was six years old my stepmother left me in a doorway with a note saying not wanted ....

[@jayney6176]

.... 😧.... speechless! 😣😠 I guess it’s a good thing you didn’t grow up with such a terrible woman...

[@johanjansson2723]

What?? So cold! If i had a time machine the stepmother would have a crumbled note in her mouth. Mind, how much fun stuff one could do with a time machine. Stay safe.

[@gloriag6731]

I am so sorry that happened to you. May you find the peace & love you deserve.

[@wayaca47]

Life changing Insight and wisdom. Shared in a soothing voice, which has a relaxing effect. Wow!

[@DrDanielFox]

Glad you found it helpful.

[@soangiewrites5639]

I know I'm late to this video as it was posted three years ago, but I needed it right now! I learned a lot. Thank you!

[@DrDanielFox]

It's never too late to learn something new! I'm glad you found the video helpful.

[@BrandonTabin]

Could you do a video on the overlap between schizotypal and borderline?

[@rahafmazahreh7641]

Can you please make a video about dealing with therapist leaving?

[@britneyspheres7yearsago11]

Not exactly this but he has a video about I think DBT and he mentioned one of the hardest things about working with people with BPD is keeping a good therapist relationship, and how there are multiple tangible measures for this such as seeking guidance from a supervisor and what not

[@pcavesnana]

Good question!!

[@sarahcotton-vb3de]

Looking forward!

[@rahafmazahreh7641]

CANT WAIT !! NEED THIS WAY TOO MUCH !!

[@gabrielpolak6308]

I really enjoy watching your BPD content - it's extremely clear for me as affected myself. Thank you Dr. Daniel

[@MNAZ480]

Dr. Fox thank you for making these videos. You’ve helped me to understand so much about my mental illness Thank you for being non-judgmental and caring.

[@DrDanielFox]

I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.

[@JPinthe719]

I even changed my name a few years ago, which I now see was part of the quest to figure out who I am. I have a tattoo that says, "God only knows who I am". Some of my behaviors are better than they were 20 years ago and some are much worse. Still working hard on self-awareness....

[@ick567]

You always post the right video at the right time 🙏❤️

[@roshanrahealer]

I subscribed after listening to your video! I've watched others, but emotion mind kept me from focusing. I write dark psychological fantasies to discover who I am, through my alter-ego, Kala Skaggs. I've struggled with mental issues my whole life and it's taken me nearly 38 years to feel stable in myself. It's a shaky stability, but there nonetheless. I cut off my mom 2 weeks ago, so the shame combats the confidence for making the decision. People pleaser and scapegoat no more. Now, I'm me. I'm happy-ish. I'm healthy (aside from migraines and fibromyalgia). And I am a biz woman, self-publishing my second novel by next spring at the latest. I recommend Dialectical Behavior Therapy and Prolonged Exposure (mine's through writing and meditation), which helped me grow as a person. Tons of habits to change, but I'm assessing myself before I regress myself. :D Thank you for your video. I'll watch more, to see what I can change to be a more helpful me.

[@katielillian-wg8ct]

Very powerful for Mr Helpful. Starting from square one feels like.

[@DrDanielFox]

Glad to hear that

[@RAVENMoonTarot]

You really really help so many thank you. Its family's and people going through this 🤗❤

[@futonhime]

thank you, this vid finally helped me understand the difference between cptsd n bpd. good luck in your work 🤍