Use this Top Strategy to Avoid Burnout and Overstretching Yourself!

[@Judymontel]

I love your example of the weekly video being in the "nice to have" category. Because I find that a tremendous amount of energy associated with getting myself to do certain things has to do with internal emotional pressure and drama. As soon as I KNOW it doesn't absolutely have to get done, I have all that energy (plus some more, tbh) to actually do the thing rather than deal with the internal pressure to do it. I don't know if that makes sense, but reducing my internal pressure and stresses has been hugely beneficial to my getting things done - mostly in a much more relaxed and casual way, which also suits my nervous system better.

[@Pilch9]

Great video once again Paul. Where have we gone as a culture over the last 100 years? That we have created a society where overstretching is how you get ahead. It’s a ludicrous construct that modern humans have created. I just finished some leadership training, and part of that included strategies like mindfulness. Great, they seem to work for some. But it’s like taking paracetamol for a brain tumour. The tumour in real life is the fact that modern day life has these pointless stressors and a mentality of if your not constantly performing miracles, your a dud. How do we simplify life and society and then we don’t need mindfulness and the paracetamol metaphor… am I alone in this thinking?

[@edwardlulofs444]

Yes. I was summoned for jury duty. I did it when I was younger and it was stressful. Now as a senior, I am afraid that I would have a major meltdown: think sitting on the floor rocking back and forth with my hands over my ears. Maybe being beat up by security because of loss of control of myself. Fortunately, now that I am an older senior, they allowed me to obtain a permanent excusal. It’s been a week, and the process took a week before that and I am still not back to normal. Thanks for your videos and thanks to the commenters who I have closely related to. This is who I am and only death will change me. All of you have helped me a lot.

[@Wizardess]

I hear you, all too well. Jury duty is meltdown territory for me. {o.o}

[@jessaglenny]

I've been called up for jury service in the UK twice. Both times I explained that I'm Autistic and would find the environment very challenging. Both times I was let off. My theory is that it's basically easier for them to let you off than face being hauled up for not making reasonable accommodations.

[@edwardlulofs444]

@@jessaglenny The UK is more civilized in some ways than the States.

[@nuni6158]

"stop overstretching" helps me already, before I've even seen the video. Looking forward to hear what Paul has on his mind about this.

[@WhizPill]

Yeah gotta learn to manage ourselves

[@katharinegates2917]

Love this use of our Autistic brain’s natural attraction to categorizing things (nice to have, must have) to help with managing our tendency to get overwhelmed by things that don’t go as planned or according to our rituals. Flexibility and resilience are ultimately worthwhile goals for personal growth, but they can be hard to attain when in survival mode.

[@ros8986]

and clarity is a great gift to the less-precise-thinking rest of the world (as irritating as it might be).

[@BadNessie]

This is the ONE thing in the prioritizing category that actually comes easy to me. I'm really not good at prioritizing anything, but when it comes to... let's call it... survival mode, I'm really good at choosing for myself what really needs to be done and what can or will have to wait or even be skipped overall. 'Take a break before you break' is a thought I came up with a few years ago, because I have enough fantasy to see clearly where I'll end up at if I keep going certain directions or doing certain things, and I want to avoid that at (probably) all cost. We can't save the world if we're drowning ourselves.

[@lillian2420]

This is very timely for what I’ve been struggling to do recently. I overextend socially or on a task and then crash and struggle to do the more necessary things. Thank you for this video!

[@kensears5099]

Yes, that thing about tricking oneself into getting something done--it's been a major strategy in my life for a long, long time. A real coping method. It developed, you might say, organically, decades before my autism discovery. But that's the norm, isn't it. If you're autistic, you're already managing it, coping with it, strategizing around it, your whole life, even without knowing that it's there or why you're doing these things or that this isn't what everybody else in the world does.

[@consuelonavarrohidalgo5334]

It's so difficult for me to be aware of the moment in which I overstretch. I'm still in the process of unmasking.

[@wattkip]

I really appreciate how detailed your examples are. The world can feel so demanding and it can be so tempting to lump unnecessary expectations in the essentials category. For me, this process feels foggy and unintuitive due to the pressure I often place on myself to be more productive and helpful to those around me. Clarity goes a long way in dispelling that confusion, so thank you for being so precise, it helps me feel like I can finally get a grasp on how to start learning this skill. For anyone else who struggles with feeling like a failure and making large disappointments out of things that, in reality, were not all that consequential: I hope we can all learn to be kinder to ourselves, as it's what we deserve! It's definitely possible so don't give up! We can do this!

[@princessofpeas9026]

“If you’re watching this video and there’s no playlist well it’s not the end of the world”😂 I love Paul - how am I not subscribed?! Been watching these videos for months (because I’m going through such bad burnout), a lot of great advice here - anyway subscribing now lol

[@theaspiebridge]

I reference Paul in my KZbin podcast and recommend him on my Pareon page

[@edwardlulofs444]

Yes, I see 99% of people who think everything is essential and they are so stressed.

[@jliller]

How much of that stress is because so many people they deal with think very little is important? Maybe if everybody cared about doing everything right it would actually be less stressful for everyone?

[@edwardlulofs444]

@@jliller I think this is getting deep into neurology, sociology, and psychology. It’s so different to interact within your family as apposed to interacting with masses of people you don’t know. With family you must take time to be gentle and honest. With strangers interacting becomes much more about rituals: being a little honest but not too honest. And I am sure there are many other factors to consider.

[@joshuadavis8230]

I was raised in a very big outdoor recreation family. "The bare essentials" was the war cry of my child hood. Later I worked as a wildland firefighter where the bare essentials was critical. This philosophy works well but I encounter problems with it. Socialy other people don't understand the value or need for having this outlook. It seems most people live in a life where society dictates that the "nice to haves " are actually absolute necessity. ( the latest model phone, the newest car ect.) I believe that if more of the world took this idea to heart the world could be a cleaner more understanding place.

[@aldencrispin1086]

I do something similar, although I never thought to categorize life things in that way. I think of it more like how much energy does each thing cost, and I check in with myself throughout the day to see how much energy I have to spend.

[@margefoyle6796]

I did that today. I do it when I'm stressed fairly naturally (after a loooooot of years of not doing it), and it works well for me. Thanks for the video!

[@khadajhina270]

my bare essential is waking up tomorrow and nothing else 😂 Burnout hits hard

[@aldencrispin1086]

Yes, essentials definitely move around when you’re already burnt out! 😅 Hope you get all the rest you need

[@spotterofgold]

What a neat trick! Here I was, fussing at myself for not doing some "nice to haves" on a day off, only to watch this video at the end of my under-productive day, reminding me that I am resting because my body is actually sore and was insisting I rest. THANK you!

[@heathermalone]

This strategy is SO incredibly helpful and I will definitely be using it, and really considering what I can put into each category. Loved the bit about the playlist too, that was such a perfect example!! 😄

[@mathildafollend9358]

Thank you. I really needed this reminder. Times have been very stressful this past year because of a move and a full house renovation, so it's almost impossible to see what is essential and was is nice-to-have.

[@beckiwelton9988]

This was REALLY helpful. I am currently going through burnout and this made it so clear how to change my strategies. THANKS ❤

[@cowsonzambonis6]

LOVE this video!! I’m actually working on a blog post about this exact topic- how spoon theory works in my life/where I’m at in my burnout journey, and I plan to link this video. It’s easy to become buried by all of society’s expectations of what we “should” be doing; I will be thinking about this/making a list for myself. 👍🏻👍🏻

[@leilap2495]

I have been spending a lot of my time since diagnosis working on making my environment more conducive to my needs. I foresee that the process will take many years or never end.

[@johnfsenpai]

I think the worst part about overstretching is that when you have so much "essentials", then the awareness that I also have a psychological need for nice things turns them into essential things somewhat. For example, I know I need to hang out with friends every once in a while, but if I have so many essentials I don't have time for that, so it feels like my life is going to be unbalanced if I don't hang out with friends, so I have to do so every chance I get. Meanwhile, with few essentials, I still hang out with my friends on most occasions because I can and I want to.

[@perrinepiperwenn6822]

Thanks a lot for this amazing video! I'm currently struggling with exhaustion and overwhelm, your categorization will definitely help to get better 🙏

[@cecile-p]

This is going to be a very helpful perspective in my life, I'm having too many burnouts, I'll try to not overstretch all the time. Thank you !

[@4lanbalfe]

Thanks I really need this info right now :)

[@cristinagonzalez6591]

Very nice video. It makes me think about what I should prioritize and What I shoudn't

[@lilijagaming]

Absolutelly amazing ideas. I need to save this video cause it will not only be useful for myself but it might be very helpful in my coaching practice since I am planning to help people figure out and hopefully learn how to rest.

[@cherylyoke4872]

It helps me. ❤ Thank you for helping me to not overstretch and to be grateful for what does get done. 😊

[@kylejuve5494]

Love BONUS! I live by attainable goals and appreciate everything else as bonus vs having too high hopes and never feeling a thing is complete ENOUGH!

[@user-lh6ig4wj4v]

I have problems with doing nice things for myself. And this strategy looks like interesting way to discover what things are comfortable for me!

[@junorus]

Nice to have is a good concept, but a problem is if nice to have never happens.

[@itisdevonly]

Indeed. This video, though good, seems to presume a certain level of privilege. In a way, though, that's the only target audience it's meaningful to engage with. Someone without enough privilege to do non-essential things isn't going to benefit from anything other than practical real-world help. If you're homeless, you don't need advice on productivity, you need a place to sleep. If you have to live in survival mode all the time, that's a major problem, but there is no way to think yourself out of that situation. You just have to do what you can to survive. It sucks, and you can be compassionate with yourself, but that's about all you can do.

[@eien86]

Thanks for making the playlist!! One small suggestion for those of us who play your videos audio-only: do a voice-over for the subtitles so we can hear what the next session is about. Thanks again!

[@ros8986]

Yes to More Videos!!!!!!!!!!! PS - I prefer no B-roll unless it is a chart or something that has important content, but I just look away and listen which is fine for me (trying to suggest ways to make videos easier). PS many youtubers mistakenly think viewers even remember the youtuber's posting schedule (let alone are upset if it is irregular).

[@fdfrancisdaniele]

I'm 40. Diagnosed ASD last friday. Thank you for your help in my selfdiscovery process.

[@LeksoPozuaho]

I really liked your strategy. I will start applying it immediately. Thank you!

[@janicetasker1854]

Thank you so much for those thoughts. That all makes sense and i had not thought about it that way. 😊

[@beckiwelton9988]

Don't know if I left a comment before, but this was so very helpful. The way you explain things always really resonates with me and leaves me really encouraged. Thanks so much, Paul.

[@LarmoyanteLamentierlust]

This was really helpful and made me realise that a lot of the issues I have with doing things is not so much the thing itself, but the pressure I build up around it. I have to do it perfectly, I HAVE to do it, if I don't do it today AGAIN then I have failed again ... when most things aren't actually quite thay important, looking at all the time I have procrastinated them already without the world falling apart. 😆 I like your mindset of "nice to have" and keeping the actual worst-case consequences in mind, will try to implement that more in my own life. 🙂

[@saranavarro1880]

Very helpful indeed. Examples are crucial and very appreciated. I think it has to do with thinking or processing ideas as “images”.

[@stasshakirov2943]

Thank you for your work! Keep going

[@gunteer]

Your videos always catch me at the right times in my life, for years now. Dont stop making videos Paul, its a nice thing to have for me too

[@chrisgrain2204]

I loved this video, like I have so many others you've made. I like how you explain intricate details of things and give examples. I love the sound and speed/rhythm of your voice...you're not rushed...I like that. I love the way you think. You so often come up with useful strategies and put words to things which greatly helps. Thankyou for your wonderful ministry. 😊

[@barbarawalker7122]

This makes so much sense, even though I struggle with cutting the essentials list to a minimum. It causes so much energy drain to even have stuff on the "must do" list (even and maybe especially when you aren't getting them done.) A comparison in my own life...I've completed 9 marathons, including 16 weeks of training for each. When out for a long run (up to 20 miles in training) I would remind myself that I COULD walk whenever I wanted. Invariably I was able to run longer and farther, and often faster, for taking that pressure off. So many nice to do things go undone when we're always bashing away at a long "must do" list. And it makes for a LOT of stress along the way! Stress brings faster burnout.

[@chiaratiara2575]

Liked it! Very well explained. Thank you.

[@jolinemunoz1005]

Thank you, Paul!

[@jade5161]

This is so helpful, thank you. I am a support worker and often find myself overstretching when I am on calls with clients. I have realised the only essential thing I need to do is listen and be present - anything else is a bonus. Very grateful for this video and channel.

[@linden5165]

I thought this was going to be about physical overstretching - which is also a video I need 😂 I try and have a rhythm in my day/week of stretch/exertion and rest and tune in to see how I'm going. I have had quite a few years without burnout - the longest time without since childhood. There's a nice glass balls/rubber balls analogy about juggling things in life and what we can drop. When stressed we can think everything is a glass ball. In reality most are rubber. It's googelable I think, for a better explanation.😂

[@chrispasson1940]

great strategies again

[@JoesCaribbeanVanLife]

I found this somewhat helpful. Thank you, man. 🙏

[@flyygurl18]

I always love how intuitive and also incredibly clever your strategies are 🖖🏾😍

[@wandoorose]

Great ideas for reframing activities, & the “real life” situation examples are very helpful . Thank you Paul.

[@hannah-lk3oc]

This is something I needed to hear right when I needed to hear it. Thanks

[@sillysoul3663]

I got a bit anxious when starting this video. But I quickly realized that what you meant by stretching is different from what I perceive for Myself. My biggest issue has been and still is recognizing how different things overwhelm me. Am I physically or mentally tired, or both, or neither?? What's the big picture, how did yesterday affect me, or the day before that? I can never tell, so I just try to keep up with things and I overstretch... while my I make myself feel like I'm not stretching enough! I'm better at explaining my emotions nowadays but physical sensations and feeling tired are difficult to recognize. Okay, now I'll see the rest of the video, but just something that I wanted to share which has been on my mind again constantly this week. EDIT: Yes this hit the nail for me! Thank you, I will definitely use this strategy.

[@sonnenschein553]

So true and important. ❤

[@azu_rikka]

I can imagine your concept to be helpful in finding more contentment as well😊

[@arobinreads]

Very helpful concept and video. I have been applying this more in my life, but could definitely do it more.

[@TheHappyProcraftinator]

About six weeks ago I’ve started online dating (how could I! All this attention!! 🤪 After six weeks I’ve got myself permission to have a summer break from this (-> not essential for my well-being to have a partner). This has taken so much pressure from me that I’m back into quilt making which helps me to deal with the negative stress in my life I can’t avoid. And I’m back to declutter my home. Some things are essential there. Some are nice to have, some can go with a farewell. The problem are the nice to have things. But when I put those all together, I can see which ones will allowed to stay (a bit longer) and which will go. Thank you for making this video and sharing your experience. It’s so helpful! Have a great day

[@sittingstill3578]

Thanks Paul. I think your examples from backpacking are really useful in daily life. I’ve moved a lot in my life and as a result am starting to get a grasp of just how much I actually need. Prior to moving abroad, I choose to learn how to wash with just a five gallon bucket of water and wash cloth. It proved useful because I was in prolonged situations where it was required. Actually, I had an Aussie friend that helped my out with some cash and paid my utilities when I was particularly broke. At one point my toes were going numb washing up in the kitchen sink because the apartment was so cold. To me learning what it means to be content with food and clothing (1 Tim 6:8).

[@baronsengir187]

I applaude the effort to cut every breath but now that i noticed i can't stop looking for it 🙈 Thank you for everything you do.

[@Dorar47]

Yeah it's odd how most times, I feel like it's the end of the world if I don't do something when it's really not

[@VaronPlateando]

I like the general concept as layed out (towards informed minimalism IN life without suffering), but 'the 4th wall' of questioning sense OF one's life per se should be kept in mind.

[@brendamosal8777]

I loved that idea of taking a cold shower once a week in order to experience the contrast and appreciate the hot water when it’s available. I know people take showers for other reasons, but this is a great reason as well!

[@cheyenneliu1346]

where is ur playlist haha in case u forgot ;p i love this video i love ur entire personality and channel :DDD

[@peterwynn2169]

Some of my luxuries are necessities, like my raspberry iced tea and Kez's Kitchen Gluten Free Biscuits, and my core foods.

[@WhizPill]

Thank you for sharing ✅

[@amandachapman4708]

Haha you did the playlist 😉

[@daniellehaythorne7949]

Great video

[@peterdalton200]

What I do to avoid burn out and overstretching, I delegate. I listen to quiet music. I leave some non-important tasks to the next day.

[@peterdalton200]

Paul, would you be related to Kyle Micallef, the Maltese-Australian Olympic swimmer?

[@dmunoz33]

So overstretching is not doing too many things but being incapable of doing the bare minimum. The key is being able to do very little so we can recover when we do too many things, without missing the bare minimum.

[@consuelonavarrohidalgo5334]

The cold shower & skipping a meal examples were too extreme for me. My health wouln't allow me.

[@heathermalone]

Me too. I'm thinking of translating it to things I could manage, like having a day of no internet.

[@andrewmorton395]

Same here I do this

[@LobsterMobility]

Another cool video Paul. Keep it up brother. Andre

[@andrewmorton395]

I really struggle with GADs social and separation anxiety

[@annabelapurva-madhuri4861]

Another helpful vid 🫶🏼🙏🏼

[@rishikakrishna]

brilliant, true

[@peggyerickson2549]

Thanks Paul

[@deeeeeee988]

Hello from sydney Australia . Could you tell me ? How to stop butting while conversation happening with myself and another. or in small group ..

[@efhusoe]

I have a question I am posing to all the Aspie channels I subscribe to. I don't seem to stim or fidget. My question is, do you think smoking cigarettes is a form of stimming? I quit over a decade ago, but thinking about it, the ritual of it all, holding the cigarette in my fingers, etc. Thoughts?

[@joeshmoe7899]

I prevent overstretching by moving between the couch, dinner table, toilet and bed.

[@arianne9645]

How do you deal with friends, family, bosses who seem to think everything is essential and thus guilt you or strong arm you into overstretching yourself? I know what my limits are, I think. I had a situation last month where my job made a lot of changes quickly and just "bare essential tasks" resulted in me working everyday of the week, doing tons of overtime. I rang the alarm at the 2 week mark, that I needed a break and we needed to reduce the amount of tasks, but nothing was done (they generously allowed me one day off, given I completed the equivalent amount of time another day 😒) and I ended up burning out badly and unraveling psychologically and unable to work at all for weeks.

[@deeeeeee988]

I either grossly over pack...or walk out tbe door with my keys and wallet

[@radishraven9]

I like the concept but with adhd and depression as well it is easy to make my executive dysfunction take over in this mindset. Oh taking a shower is not essential? I'll just skip it then! 😂 Oh eating a nutritional meal is not essential? I'll just let myself starve! 😂 Yeah my brain warps these good ideas I'm sorry 🙈

[@chaugulepankaj]

Devide your life between "Absolute Necessary" and "Nice to Have". Focus more on absolute necessary.

[@ethanbowman1319]

This was interesting 🤔

[@bentehove3945]

Yeah .. great slogan : not a big deal (no catastrophising) (btw, is it your different notification sounds distracting in the background 🤔, maybe mute them 🤔)

[@MrJaycrow30]

No one will help me unless I'm officially diagnosed! Help!!

[@mikko.g]

😀

[@theaspiebridge]

I AM an overstretcher

[@jliller]

This video seems to be saying "survival is the only thing that really matters."

[@VaronPlateando]

but is it even, actually ?!? and before anyone continues in throwing in arbitrary bible quotes: that an answer on that question isn't straightforward necessarily seems significantly corroborated by the fact that majority of ASD ppl. is affected by mood disorders, and majority thereof at least latently with su!c!dal tendencies.

[@toothsometofu]

Healthy food is not essential? For me it is, bc when I opt for the easier/accessible food I get terrible stomach issues and my brain fog/depression/chronic pain are exacerbated. I hear what you’re saying in reconsidering the importance/necessitaty of things, but what does one do when executive dysfunction prevents you from being able to decipher what’s actually a need and what’s superfluous?

[@TheGood_LeftUndone]

I'm glad I found someone saying this because I thought exactly the same. I know it's not the end of the world if I don't eat 'right' but it sure makes the following day(s) harder/more painful.

[@2000IX]

This makes lots of sense. But try breaking routine w my wife. I appreciate your videos.

[@divinefemininevibehigh6011]

Were we born highly aware too,?

[@edwardlulofs444]

I assume yes.

[@edwardlulofs444]

It reminds me of a person who their mother said that they were a very fussy baby. Eventually the person realized that a certain fabric was very repulsive. My grandson as a baby and his parents couldn’t get him to stop crying. Finally, they just happened to pick him up and take him outside and then, suddenly, he was happy! Things that don’t bother neurotypical people can drive us neurodivergent people crazy. I think that we are born that way.

[@NorroTaku]

your viedos are always to tight and close up maybe film from a bit more away and with more distance behind you to add depth

[@jabaerga1]

Thank you! I needed that 😊