The Return to Monkey in Crusader Kings III

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Company of Heroes
Total War: Warhammer II
Crusader Kings III
Crusader Kings II
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#ck3#monkey#chaos

[@Nick-rr4xy]

"When was the last time you were truly happy?" Something about being asked this by a man in a monkey suit holding a lantern really has me rethinking my life choices.

[@approximateCognition]

Wisdom comes from unexpected places

[@bonogiamboni4830]

I mean, diogenes the cynic was a homeless man constantly surrounded by dogs who would piss and shit on the floor while talking to people (i mean diogenes would piss and shit, not the dogs) and he constantly dunked on plato and his philosophy, so this is just art imitating life. In fact, one of his favourite party tricks was to go up to people and shine a lantern in their face, so they would ask him what he was doing and he would answer "looking for an honest man" and walk away.

[@wildgrunt8489]

Bono Giamboni he was a gamer before gaming was invented

[@ZacharyReaper]

Scary isn't it

[@bonogiamboni4830]

@@wildgrunt8489 you're right, he lived in a society.

[@Solll0]

He has finally done it lads, he has finally lost his mind.

[@truewalter4193]

Cheese for everyone!

[@n1thecaptain965]

Dude! Why are you assuming he had one to start with?

[@corneliusmcmuffin3256]

I call it the fabled *Downward spiral*

[@Osirius44]

The rebirth is complete

[@n1thecaptain965]

@@Osirius44 why does an ancient Egyptian god have a KZbin profile?

[@Valefisk]

what the fuck did i just upload Edit: For those asking what happened on Feb 23: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1954

[@germanrect1801]

History

[@promc7318]

greatness, as always

[@DCGMatthew1]

A masterpiece.

[@NovelPond]

mONKEY

[@Goblin_Gaming001]

a documentary of the human condition.

[@nicorozner7417]

"We kill the child, we get the holy site, we become the monkey pope" -Vale 2020

[@anamosamapper7521]

*Harambe PTSD intensifies*

[@Dreigonix]

Hey hey, we’re the mOINKEYSES, and people say we mONKEY around…

[@cr8867]

Vale feed Horatio, he's so thin

[@Freitag570]

Only skin and Bones

[@whatarenames]

@@Freitag570 not even skin! Just bones! (I wish I could make a better joke)

[@TheArklyte]

That bastard deserves it for all the suffering he caused in Endless Space...

[@AftermathRV]

@@TheArklyte different horatio. This one is neither a genius nor herculean nor a fecund fertile rabbit, hes just inbred.

[@nicorozner7417]

See, guys? Vale is supportive of animal equality! He believes animals should suffer just as much as humans!

[@kittycats7186]

PUUURRRRFECT

[@THEMONKEYWITHNOSOUL]

Vale, PLEASE tell us why you chose that specific date

[@Valefisk]

idk what possibly could've happened on that day in 1954 who knows

[@FirstDagger]

"The first mass vaccination of children against polio begins", that is indeed something to be very happy about.

[@Valefisk]

@@FirstDagger no not that, the other thing

[@THEMONKEYWITHNOSOUL]

I think he means the birthday of Ukranian President Viktor Yushchenko

[@Valefisk]

@@THEMONKEYWITHNOSOUL okay the other other thing

[@richardnixonpog9925]

Not even joking I genuinely love this PLEASE UPLOAD MORE

[@DareMurdok]

Need crossover with Spiff's Inbred Dynasty to make inbred MONKEY

[@axelpalais2514]

Please tell me this was supposed to be a promotional video but Paradox "kindly" rejected it when they saw it

[@Valefisk]

i didn't need to be paid for this lmao

[@REX-gq6ur]

losing a sponsor speedrun

[@voxvolhynia5400]

@@REX-gq6ur world record

[@gabem.5242]

"WHY? WHY? WHY ARE THEY SENDING NAKED MEN INTO BATTLE?!?!?! WHAT IS GOING ON!!!!" - Prince Adelchis of Benevento, 868 AD

[@WhiteScorpio2]

And pregnant women.

[@vrabb9030]

@@WhiteScorpio2 *DOUBLE KILL*

[@tomatagamers7110]

@@vrabb9030 quadruple kill

[@patrioticshitstain]

Hey, worked for the Picts!

[@crusaderxt122]

OH NO HE'S HOT

[@deprivalli]

the queen who's pregnant with triplets yet still takes part in the battle is the energy we all should aspire to have

[@BahamutEx]

Isn't that what being a US-citizen is like?

[@Bone_.42069]

​@@BahamutEx LMAAOOOO

[@placeholdername3887]

0:59 "When was the last time you were truly happy?" Oh, about 59 seconds ago.

[@jaeusa160]

"Why are all of my wives fighting in battle while pregnant?" On most channels, this would sound out of place.

[@inf1tyblade967]

Yeah, on most

[@thevoidlookspretty7079]

I don’t know why, but it is inscribed in my brain that it isn’t Valefisk in that suit. That’s Rimmy.

[@ArgandTabletop]

I wouldn't be surprised.

[@approximateCognition]

I can totally see him do that, yeah

[@gold664]

Glad I'm not the only one who immediately forgot who they were watching

[@unitedstatesofamerica4987]

Rimmy is thicc Vale is...Monke

[@sazorjon1343]

Can't be, where is the bulge?

[@jasonpratt5126]

"Looks like the peasants don't want to be monkeys." -- Gorilla Grodd as he uses 'debug mode'.

[@nev2221]

Multiplayer in this game can be summed up in the following. "The Big Chimp has declared a holy war on The Nation of Poggers."

[@thceppur6755]

"Face reveal" he said... "face reveal"

[@elgenerico5453]

What do you mean, looked like a face reveal to me.

[@GaebolIg]

He revealed his face, but it was a monkë face.

[@darkbetterlol]

His human face is his mask, his monke mask is his real face.

[@AM-we1es]

Now all we need is a collab with a Monkey vs Tomboy holy war

[@LolLol-ok4lr]

Con-pope y e s

[@far0145]

What about ฿ɽ₳ⱬłⱠ

[@kennoot7032]

I love how he thanks St. Brigit before he marries his daughter-wife. I think she has something to do with marriage, but I couldn't pay attention to that once I looked at her patronage and realized she was the PATRON SAINT OF DAUGHTERS ABUSED BY THEIR FATHERS

[@charleslathrop9743]

Valefisk used to upload serious content like achievement guides. Now he's a meme lord. I can't tell if it's because his spirit was broken or reborn.

[@ManOfSemantics]

I love how the outro music is just “SEGA Pro Bass Fishing.” Mad respect.

[@WombatSteve]

"Crusader Kings 3 is a brand new strategy game set in the 1950s"

[@predator3299]

i never expected when i woke up today to see a man in a monkey suit phase into reality only to pop open a lawn chair and light a lantern

[@hansologretel]

absolutely enraged that this is the video that convinced me to buy this game now

[@Tizzybell701]

Vale: Marries lady knights, and engages in many wars and battles Also Vale: Why do my wives keep fighting in battles?? Idk man maybe it’s cos your wives are knights 😂

[@kabobawsome]

This video is a bigger dunk on Anarcho-Primitivism than anything other Anarchists have ever made and I'm living for it.

[@lavaavalon]

15:07 whydo you need to censor it? he is so hairy down there, I can't see anything

[@l0lLorenzol0l]

Things that happened on the 23rd of February 1954: The first mass inoculation of children against polio with the Salk vaccine begins in Pittsburgh Huh that's more holesome than I was expecting. I thought you would have chosen 30th of October 1961 or 28th of June 1914 or even 20th of April 1999.

[@TheStargov]

Well, the way he phrased it makes me think that he was happy when Polia was rampant, not that the kids got vaccinated.

[@saintclarus]

It’s actually because of the patent of the Weinermobile

[@favre4ever39]

Italians ending human civilization, yeah that could happen.

[@hikaritsumi2123]

The first 30 seconds of this video: Did I click on the wrong video?

[@fletcher1815]

Man, my sleep deprivation made that intro hit different.

[@bonogiamboni4830]

If you're still sleep deprived and want another surreal experience to have before going to bed i highly recommend meltdown by nick land. It's a sorta text to speech abomination with trippy visuals made by a guy incredibly high on amphetamines who goes in the opposite technological direction compared to all this anarcho-primitivist unabomber stuff, laying the foundations for a political/philosophical/social theory beyond transhumanism called posthumanism (basically we all get replaced by robots) as well as accelerationism. A few choice quotes of this highly cinematic 9mm masterpiece that you just iced a time cop with are "drugs, guns, schizophrenia", "neo-china arrives from the future" and "high on a mixture of nootropics and female orgasm analogue".

[@fletcher1815]

@@bonogiamboni4830 Listen friend, just reading this comment alone was enough to flip my fried brain over easy. You out here trying to get me straight up scrambled.

[@bonogiamboni4830]

@@fletcher1815 yes i am.

[@fletcher1815]

@@bonogiamboni4830 I respect your honesty. I may take you up on your suggestion.

[@bonogiamboni4830]

@@fletcher1815 thanks. You won't be disappointed. It's become kind of my personal ritual to watch this video whenever i am sleep deprived at 5 am.

[@Dreigonix]

“We have determined your people to be too glitchy, therefore we shall slaughter you in a Debug War!”

[@soolop9000]

This is one of the best videos you've made, its got all the stuff that makes you funny while still being absolutly insaine in all aspects. No other video needs to be made to beat this as youve already reached the top

[@jnol9009]

"When was the last time you where truly happy?" At about 29 seconds into the video. Then that thing showed up...the stuff of nightmares.

[@loltank5315]

Medevil society and its consequences by Valefisk

[@Vesdus]

Oh wow. King Louis of the mONKEY... "I wanna be like YOO-OOO-UUU! I wanna walk like you! Talk like you! TOO-OOO-OOO!"

[@thetrexgaming901]

Such clickbait, thought this was CK3, not Ancestors. I wanted medieval combat, not evolution. >:(

[@robotnik987]

I'd say he very clearly displayed regression, not evolution

[@stygian8049]

It's evolution, just backwards

[@unnoticed4571]

@@stygian8049 He speaks the truth

[@WarmishTextbook]

@@longnoseboi Evolution progresses with time to adapt to changing situations. Time progresses in a single direction but the concept of reversing our direction through time has long been a human fantasy. Re-activating genes in order to create a being more similar to an ancestor could be considered a primitive attempt to travel backwards along the evolutionary path we have taken. Evolution does have a direction from a certain point of view. Not as in a predictable path for a species but as in a knowable history that can be followed.

[@No-uc6fg]

1:02 When was the last time I was truly happy? Low blow, Valefisk, Low blow.

[@bonogiamboni4830]

The intro went full "the industrial revolution and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race" and i love it.

[@Da__goat]

“Hey, you, you’re finally awake.”

[@axcelmcaver4009]

I once believed we could still be redeemed by God. Then I saw a man wearing a monkey costume question me about my sense of self and I lost all hope. Cheers.

[@Dreigonix]

The only true God is mONKEY God.

[@Ben-qs9fw]

I looked up February 23 1945 because I was curious and it’s pretty neat that the last time Vale was happy was when a bunch of children received a polio vaccine

[@FirstDagger]

I concur.

[@tomtomtrent]

Ooh ooh modern medicine bad. Monkey never happy again after :(

[@Luci_Diavol]

Also the thing that one american sculpture was based on And a poet died

[@janvanriel603]

This is legit one of if not your best video to date

[@danielt1055]

I was clickbaited into thinking that the rulers would turn into real monkeys

[@hanstragarsky6224]

Me after watching this video: Friendship ended with Christianity, Anarcho- Primitivism is my new friend

[@stygian8049]

Monke

[@HunterIsRad]

“Mamma-Monkey-Mia” ~The Monkitalians

[@drywalldevourer]

I want to see more of Vale in a monkey suit. This was an experience, and I wish for it to continue.

[@maryannedonnovan7985]

I have never cried of laughter three times within the first 10 minutes of a video. Well done

[@kingkiwi4]

Valefisk’s fragile mind has finally shattered, he finally reverted to his primitive brain and ate the red banana. *He has ascended*

[@MrCarodan]

King Louie: "Oh oobie doo. I wanna be like you-o-o. I wanna walk like you. Talk like you too-o-o.~"

[@echomjp]

Good going Vale, I liked the touch of the literal suit and opening bit. May all the world return to monke.

[@TeamMunky]

"My son and grandson" Wait. Oh no.

[@leprechaunsteve8930]

“When was the last time you were truly happy” *HBO Ad starts*

[@georgebrett1738]

I think you've peaked here Vale. Sublime.

[@josephg.1.130]

"When was the last time you were happy?" *Arby ad plays immediately*

[@adivshtein2054]

Nobody: 2020: Do you want to hear about our lord and savior mONKEY God?

[@imperialfist2304]

The crimes and horrors he committed finally got to him.

[@Crick1952]

What am I doing with my life... Do you think God stays in heaven because he too fears what he has created?

[@bugdracula1662]

do you think monkey stays monkey because he too monkeys what he monkeyed?

[@conwaytwittyer2667]

19:34 this sentence is 🤌💋

[@VikingSyndrome]

All the war crimes broke him.

[@yeet_the_children]

I actually think this video was the reason I got into playing crusader kings….thanks for that vale!

[@Dantethedemonkiller]

"I didn't think Monkey's would where cologne." Hey Vale. That's kinda a harmful stereotype.

[@justinmccown2319]

the virgin modern woman scared of an ant vs the chad medieval woman leading a battle while pregnant with triplets

[@approximateCognition]

I have no idea how to react to that intro

[@helpiamstuckonthismanshead3385]

How do i even react to this video?

[@himbalodzodenever]

Now this is the type of content I subbed for.

[@whitenight6114]

What in the ever living hell is that suit

[@lennyward7662]

This is a most perfect video. Thank you, Sir Valefisk.

[@itsabunchofrandomlettersajdtni]

Making Anarcho-Liberalism a religion is based AF imo

[@fidd0042]

I love how Vale is getting increasingly insane in these last few videos

[@worstkiletzplayz7795]

Where r u

[@Wired_User]

Something about seeing a skinny mONKEY boi talking about February 23, 1954 really hits me

[@hazel5402]

monke

[@hoboyoda7454]

I honestly need the beginning where you appeared and said ‘when was the last time you were truly happy’ as like a gif or short clip or something

[@aztecravemonkey4044]

0/10 monkey wasnt from rave

[@friendly_sitie]

15:06 you missed a spot!

[@whtwolfgames7983]

Dude you had me crying, this was amazing, I want to see the outcome of the religion at end game now lol

[@radioactiveriver6718]

Has Vale been watching Jreg? Anyways, a real Chad would know that Technological-Primitivism is the more Based Political Ideology

[@svahn1]

I don't know what this is and I don't know why I love it so much. It's great.

[@eliasredlich3425]

Valefisk's special ability is that he can replicate the weird as fuck side of KZbin perfectly.

[@-Raylight]

As someone that came from Middle Ages, can confirm, this is how monkey invasion begins back then

[@Erthradar]

Imagine the dev meetings at Paradox. Who's the project manager who brings up that it's time to code the degeneracy relationships in. Who comes up with the edge use cases "what if you are marrying your child?"

[@wooloo_vt1980]

Keep up the great content Valefisk!

[@loyalsnowy5912]

15:07 the black bar vanishes just a bit early there. In turn. Praise the leaf

[@Roger_Hardy]

When you captured Rome and had the Pope as your prisoner, you could have eaten him.

[@MasterFief]

“Try the Banana Dear, they’re simply dashing”-Monke 2020

[@AimlessSavant]

15:06 YOUR BLACK BARS WILL NOT STOP US FROM VIEWING!

[@PalaDave99]

I love how quickly this video derived from monkey nation to "i have 11 children" already

[@elbonnybar]

blood for the mONKEY GOD, Skulls mates for Horatio.

[@randombosniancomment4367]

1954 it was a simple time. No social media, no cancer videos, no simps, just a possibble nuclear ww3 between USA and USSR. What a time to be alive

[@15TangerineUSAF]

The last time I felt happy was just before I clicked this video and you kept it going with the intro

[@talisinium.channel]

The first 45 seconds are unironically terrifying. I don't know why that send shivers up my spine

[@swootymedia6398]

-Creates religion called Anarcho-Primitivism -Immediately centralizes church leadership into the hands of one person bit light on the Anarcho there, maybe?

[@ethanos1637]

Valefisk in a monkey suit isn't real he can't hurt you

[@Aellef]

Late to the party, but an easy mnemonic I learned was, "mitosis makes my toeses!" The cells divide, just like your digits from your foot. Good luck on those sophmore bio exams kiddos!

[@empireofitalypsstimfromano5025]

Valefisk: *There Was No Electricity In 1954* Electricity Existing Wayy Before 1954: *Am I A Joke To You?* Valefisk: Yes. *The Wheel Wasn't Inveted Yet In 1954*

[@hyojinchoii]

Osmosis is the movement of water down the concentration gradient from a place of high concentration to low concentration 🧫 Mitosis is a form of cell division in which offspring are identical

[@TheLastSane1]

I love that the video quickly diverted to "What can I do with the debug menu"

[@MrGamezyWasTaken]

This intro is the greatest thing. Not ever. But just... its good.

[@adammullarkey4996]

15:55 "Your son and grandson." Wait a minute...