Values Exercise - Sweet, Sour, Heroes

Recovery from mental illness is all about learning how to accept the stuff in your head and not engage in compulsions but instead do the things you value, the things that will help you be healthy and happy over the long-term. But what if you don't know what you value? This exercise can help with exploring some personal stories that can point you in the direction of what really matters to you.
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Blog: www.everybodyhasabrain.com/
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[@dickeyumbre362]

keep continuing your work to make mental health treatment more accessible mark. the world needs you

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Thanks! :)

[@1Kilili]

MY initial reaction to this method video is : "Wow that's amazing. I first jneed to read 5 books about this sweet sour method to get started because otherwise I'll be doing something wrong. "

[@annienothing]

You are my hero Mark! Haha. Thank you so much for continuing to make this content available!

[@ElectricWarior]

This helped me alot,took me out of some dark places that i'll do everything to not go back, no matter what my mind say.

[@ninalamentina5510]

Thank you! You are a great person, your videos help so much!

[@RobCollins]

Interesting technique. I think one of the most valuable prominent parts of ACT is it's emphasis on values and on a holistic approach to life and distress. While it's not unique in taking this approach, it's certainly among the few therapy techniques that place values so prominently. Finding our values can also be one of the hardest things we need to do, so any extra ammo can assist with this!

[@everybodyhasabrain]

+Rob Collins Yes to all of that!

[@bier255]

Mark Freeman you’re my hero

[@Ashleyiza]

Thank you for this video, Mark! You are one of my heroes for recovering from ocd and helping so many people with the knowledge you have gained along the way. You've shown me that life is worth doing things and adding things to it. Also, I started reading the happiness trap. I wanted to tell you lol.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Thanks so much, Ashley! I hope you're finding the Happiness Trap useful!

[@marckarouz8785]

Mark you re saving lifes man...

[@everybodyhasabrain]

I'm glad you're finding these videos useful, Marc!

[@rezator]

Greetings Mark. I must say yours video changed my life. it was first thing that helped me with overcomming OCD! From that moment it goes realy on bether and bether. Thank you for all! You are realy good person for doing that. i have a question now. can you please make a video how to make decisions in life? i think that we ocd people can make decisions to hard in life. it is allmost imposible to make big decisions for me... some time i would chose one way, some time other, and so i am spinning in circle in my head. there is alot tehnics about how to overcome compulsions and rituales but i didnt found any about how to do decisions whitout stress and easy. and i know i am not alone. and thank you again, you saved many lives. for one i am shure you did :)

[@Kikuye]

Part of this, with the "sweet" almost seems to backfire in a way because it just has me think of times when in the illness where things felt awesome and that if things were just like that again, then it would be okay. I think that shows me two things though: I relate that feeling to being a certain way, weight, etc. while the two don't necessarily have to be connected. Secondly the fact that I still see those things as positive in some way shows me I perhaps need to reconcile things in a way; because while there are those highs, there are or were also big lows. Of course my brain says those wouldn't happen if I just gave up all other desire and only did what it said without a fight. What I have started to notice or perhaps put into word more now is the fact that pain actually hurts less, or seemingly not at all when you drop the belief that it "shouldn't" be there and just move on anyways. Of course this can be used/seen both positively or negatively depending...

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Yes! That's a great point. The highs of any addiction might seem like the "sweet" points. There is still an important critical reflection on whether things were really going well in a way that leads to long term health and happiness, or if things were just going well in that way that compulsions always feel like they "work".

[@mmlaycock23]

Hi mark, I have had two lots of CBT therapy in the past that were really helpful. I would like to say thank you as I have really taken to all of your videos and have been taking a really holistic approach to my OCD, identifying compulsions in all areas of my life, hugging uncertainty anywhere it comes up and realigning to my values daily. I feel so much better and it has taken my recovery to another level :) one thing I have struggled with for some time is existential thoughts. I am not engaging with them but I also don't want to run from them. Do you think some basic ERP exercises would be useful such as sticky notes, recordings etc.? I am doing positive things but my intuition is telling me a bit of ERP with the thoughts could be useful. Could you suggest anything as it as not as simple as touching a toilet seat or holding a knife like other ERP? Much love x

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Thanks, Matthew. I'm glad the videos have been useful. The benefit to existential uncertainty is that you can practice ERP with that any time it pops into your head. Whenever you have any uncertainty, you have an opportunity to accept it and not try to get rid of it. You can sit with that uncertainty and just soak in it :)

[@laxmandas5252]

U r my superhero more than God ....

[@silverdust7058]

hi mark I have question 1.in morning I feel terrible thoughts of sadness and anxiety wat I am I supposed to do just get up and do meaningful work or my therapist say I can motivate myself by saying 2 positive things and then take a deep breath and start my day ! wat do u say....? 2.my therapist says tht I can replace a negative thought wit positive one when it is not releted to ocd and anxiety for eg I am a sad, or I am useless she say it is part of CBT just saying positive thing improves my self confidence?wat do u say?

[@juliacarvalho9283]

hello, Mark, keep up your great work! I realized I value having relationships. How can I invest my time and energy on creating more of those?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Well, if they're relationships with people that you'd like to build, then scheduling more activities/events where you can meet people could be a great way to start.

[@juliacarvalho9283]

Well, I've scheduled some, but it's difficult to me to make friends. I'm shy.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Julia Carvalho but those are the compulsions. being around new people gives you an opportunity to cut them out.

[@juliacarvalho9283]

Oh, I see. Thanks for your help

[@favianlopez1432]

Good vid

[@greenJoker8]

What if I have contradicting values? 1) Peace, rest, safety, security, relaxation, clarity, certainty. 2) Joy, adventures, achieving goals, expansion, flow, going out, discovering new situations.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

It can help to dig into values a bit and understand the actions they translate into. As well, it's useful to recognize that values can't be compulsions. Values are about adding things into our lives and taking us places.

[@greenJoker8]

So...are you suggesting that values can't be about getting rid of discomfort/urgency? If discomfort/urgency is to be ignored, then where does it come from? Isn't it crying for our attention to take care of something important? Wouldn't we be reckless if we ignored it completely?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Values help us move through challenging experiences. Trying to get rid of experiences is what mental health issues are all about. It just ends up turning into any addiction: do things to get rid of a feeling you don't like, feel relief, then the brain gives you even more of that feeling you don't like so you can chase more relief... and that just continues until you're left with nothing but the experiences you hate as you constantly engage in compulsions to get some sort of relief. It's not a pattern I would recommend. One thing that can help is recognizing that there's a big shift that takes place when we build our lives around values instead of anxieties. We still take care of our health, for example, and can take care of it much better and be much healthier because we're no longer acting based on problems. Avoiding an illness isn't the same as being healthy. You can spend your entire life trying to avoid illnesses and that wouldn't mean you've done anything healthy. So it's about asking different questions in life. Instead of asking how we avoid anxiety, we're asking how we do the things we care about in life.

[@greenJoker8]

What exactly do you mean by "trying to get rid of experiences"? Isn't getting up from bed trying to get rid of stress ("I have so many things to do, I need to get up!").

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Confusius I'd only suggest using stress as fuel to get up in the morning if you want your life to be full of stress. It'd be like choosing to fuel your car with plutonium and then spending hours everyday driving around in the car looking for a place to get rid of all the radioactive contamination on your car caused by fueling your car with plutonium so you can drive around looking for ways to get rid of the contamination caused by the plutonium...

[@billymurray7817]

Hello, I have severe/debilitating OCD and have been fighting it my entire life. It's recently gotten to the point where I have not left my home in a really long time. Traveling to doctors visits involves counting traffic lights, panic attacks and the emotional distress that occurs in getting to the appointment is beyond painful. Today I had a doctors appointment at my psychiatrist. I called early and told him that I could not make it to his office and if he could do our monthly consult over the phone. He refused. I'm so appalled that a mental health care professional would deny treatment to a patient seeking help. I don't know how to handle this situation because I thought there would be a level of understanding. They informed me that I would be billed, of course. I've never gone through this before. I'm completely bewildered as to what I should do next. If you or anyone has experienced this, please let me know. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you. p.s. Your videos help me so much.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

+Billy Murray Hi, sorry to hear about the situation. If you're struggling to get to appointments, and you were able to previously, the first thing I would look at is: why are things getting worse? All of those compulsions you listed, that interfere with getting to appointments, are things that therapies like ERP or ACT are well-designed for dealing with. Are you able to access a psychologist that's experienced with helping people recover from OCD? What the psychiatrist's office did is normal for most services in the world. There's likely a policy in place about how much notice is required for cancellations. That's also to protect other patients that are waiting for an appointment. There are also numerous reasons why the psychiatrist might not be able to do a consult over the phone, especially if that's not something you've agreed on together in advance. If somebody is not trained in providing consultations over the phone, they might be very anxious about that. Or they might simply not be insured to do it. So instead of focusing on the psychiatrist, it might really help to look at next steps that might help you with accessing an evidence-based treatment that could help with recovery.

[@billymurray7817]

Thank you so much for responding to me. I really appreciate it! I was able to travel previously because it was before my doctor changed my medication from an SNRI to an SSRI. He switched me to a medication that is specifically for the treatment of OCD. It has been a difficult month. I had to go through SNRI withdrawal which brought my OCD to a whole other level. When I started Luvox I was told that my OCD thoughts would get considerably worse before the meds begin to kick in. I’m at the point with my OCD recovery where I’m starting from the beginning again because of the fact that I’ve been in a bed for 3+ weeks. Where I live, the OCD specialists are in the larger cities which again, require travel. The receptionist said my doctor can do phone consultations, she said he specifically refused to have one with me. I spent today looking for OCD specialist who can do home visits but of course, they don’t accept insurance. Oh, it’s so frustrating but what can I do but get better on my own. Your videos are extremely helpful and I watch them daily and practice ERP multiple times a day, even if it’s just walking from my house to the mailbox, or getting in a car and having someone drive me up and down the street. Thank you again for listening and responding; helping me to refocus on something other than a really poorly handled situation and pointing me in a better direction.

[@1Kilili]

How do you deal with rejection. I feel like I have been rejected because the woman I talked to always was nice to me saying hello until I talked to her today. And she didn't say goodbye and I said something I regret saying. My inner critic tortured me the whole way home, so much so, that I actually moaned like a tennis player because it hurts like knife stabs. What do you do against the critic when you get rejected ? Do you simply listen to the thoughts and look at the pictures it shows you, and accept the pain over and over again ?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

It sounds like you spoke to a person and you're judging them and yourself. You can label this as "rejection" and that might cause lots of anxiety if you believe that's a bad thing, but the way you're judging this experience sounds very wrapped up in compulsions. When we talk with somebody, we don't control them. If you want to control what somebody does and thinks, then it's only natural to experience lots of pain. But that starts with the desire to control the other person and making assumptions about their actions. When we're interacting with anybody, it can help to keep the focus on what you give that person. When you approach somebody with compassion and kindness and you give that to them with no intention of trying to control them or get something in return, it can be a very enjoyable experience.

[@1Kilili]

That's a wonderfully fitting response ! My therapist could not have said that ! Thank you very much ! I'll copy it !

[@arkapratimbanerjee6323]

hello mark,my question is that:I a suffer from OCD.Ok ,so i have this confusion in my head that whether i love engineering or play cricket.Which one is my first love.Thoughts pop up that if i start playing cricket now i will not be able to play at my best because of the ocd,so engineering should be the way to go.But i like both.Sometimes i think cricket is my first love.I end up having confusions in this matter about my career which i love more.I get confused with feelings .Like whether i am feeling happy or i am really not happy.So what to do with this?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Arka Pratim Banerjee Chasing certainty about this is the problem, not the solution.

[@arkapratimbanerjee6323]

is there a specific time period you can tell that i can get over ocd in this amount of time?is there any specific time?or does it depend on me.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Arka Pratim Banerjee OCD is all about trying to be certain. Trying to be certain about getting over OCD is just a compulsion to practice OCD.

[@TheTerminator317]

The problem is that as the problem is in the brain anything you try to think is not very clear sometimes. I try to find what I value and I don't get clear answers. My brain or OCD just throws more shit. Only perhaps once or twice out of 10 times my brain has clarity.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Checking for mental clarity is something I would consider a compulsion--just another attempt to feel right and certain about things. We don't have to feel "clear" or certain about values. We can just pick some and try them out.

[@TheTerminator317]

Mark Freeman ok Mark I understand. It's great.

[@kilifischkopp1442]

What idea helps you deal with the injustice and arbitrariness of life (soccer stars earning 30 million while others starve, animals getting disgustingly mistreated etc)?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

I invest my time and energy in doing things that I think will help make the world a better place. There's no benefit to spending time judging things I don't like. It would only take up time and energy I could spend doing something valuable for others.

[@kilifischkopp1442]

+Mark Freeman thank you ! It is probably true that these thoughts only have meaning in close connection with loving kindsness meditation etc You are very stoic , especially for someone who suffered from an anxuety disorder :)

[@makaniistorm8664]

I’m confused with the sour part. Confused how to find the value. I assume it’s similar when you talked about flipping the direction for transforming fears video. Like for my example, I get stuck ruminating and analysing questions or what someone said trying to understand, like your videos sometimes. It’s because I want certainty and don’t want to miss anything and lack understanding, I hate when I do this. If I wasn’t doing my compulsion, I would just get on with my life. Is that the value? The way I was understanding from the video, you can decipher the value from your fears?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Enjoy getting on with life instead of chasing the uncertainties!

[@makaniistorm8664]

@@everybodyhasabrain Yep yeah. I have a massive tendency to do that. I need to learn to just live my life

[@everybodyhasabrain]

@makaniistorm8664 It can help to not see it as a "tendency", as though it just happens to us. We need to choose to check on this stuff and write out message searching for reassurance, and read through stuff doing the checking compulsions to try to get things right. It's a lot of work! We can practice doing that work OR we can practice being lazy when the brain gives us those unpaid overtime tasks.

[@makaniistorm8664]

@@everybodyhasabrain I understand that and it’s probably the way to go, to choose not to engage but at the same time, I’m not convinced not to seek reassurance. “Well what if you need to know?” pops into my head and I know that apart of the problem but it lingers. I know this is part of it and seeking to feel at ease just justifies it but still.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

@makaniistorm8664 that's the same as any compulsion. People that want to wash their hands do fear they'll actually be dirty if they stop. It's classic brain