Viewer Question: Should I, the Betrayed, Be over It by Now?

[@mikeyswatergirl6695]

Thank you. Hard truths in there I needed to hear, and also got me thinking about how my choices have contributed to lack of healing. My eyes are slowly opening to how over the past 4 years I’ve gone from victim to basically abuser (but still imagining I’m the victim). Anyone reading this who thinks you can DIY your affair recovery, you are 99% likely making a mistake. I still have a loving marriage but it’s nowhere what it could be. We are starting the Affair Recovery boot camp.

[@tayyjo]

I struggle a lot with the issue of 'should I be over this by now"...especially lately. I know that my spouse (the unfaithful) and I have both slacked on putting in the work to fix the problems. I remind him here and there and he does not seem to take it seriously enough to put in the effort. He would rather it all just go away and start over. This video was helpful for me to hear that it was okay for me to work on my healing regardless of my spouse and our marital healing. I appreciate your videos and your serving as a great resource.

[@samshealingpodcast]

so glad I could offer some kind of help my friend. means a ton to get that kind of feedback. thank you. press on. take care of you. you can do work for your own healing and mental/emotional health.

[@arpal1076]

Nearing 3 months. Having great difficulty finding an available marital/infidelity counselor/psychologist in my area. PTS continues.

[@samshealingpodcast]

i hope the site is helping you heal. there's a ton of safe support and insight there for you.

[@Jeradactile]

Try searching the EMDR directory and for EFT counselors. Helped me find a good one after a year of looking.

[@arpal1076]

@@Jeradactile Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing and Emotionally Focused Therapy?

[@hereskrista1161]

I too am having problems finding someone in my area. I've been to 2 in the last 2 weeks. Ugh😒

[@samshealingpodcast]

you can reach out to [e-mail] and ask them to push it to me and i'll see what i can find for you.

[@chet5862]

Thank you. I wish we were further along. First d day 6/18/2019 and last was 12/19/2019. I am so tired of fighting when he isn’t. He is so defensive. Knows what he needs to do apologizes for not doing it but doesn’t stop doing it. He doesn’t make me feel important in his life. We are in week 10 😱😱😱 of emso. Wish there was an infidelity counselor nearby us thank you for your videos

[@arpal1076]

You are not alone.

[@Jeradactile]

Yesterday was 2 years since the first dday. It was a good day. A few triggers, sure, but I was able to deal with them with the tools that I have learned through AR and the books I've read. Seeing a new counselor that is infidelity focused with EMDR. In the past I have seen this as a bad thing. "Why am I here?" "What did I do to deserve this?" "What's wrong with me?" Now I am starting to see it as new opportunities to heal, to become a better husband, a better father, and a better man. I don't want to see myself as "The Betrayed" anymore. I think there will be a part of me that will always hurt from what was done. But with counseling, openness with my wife, and a TON of gratefulness, that part is getting smaller. I choose to feed the good, and starve the bad. My book is just starting and I have a lot more chapters to go ! I am going to be ok !! Thank you God, and thank you Samuel, Rick and everyone at AR.

[@samshealingpodcast]

so honored to be a friend and help brother. proud of you.

[@AffairrecoveryLLC]

If you are interested, reach out to [e-mail] to talk to us about how you might be able to give back to other betrayed men!

[@Jeradactile]

@@AffairrecoveryLLC I think I will do that. Thank you sir !

[@kenwickcook8413]

First to comment. I should be over it by now. But better than ever so far.

[@terricain5937]

Sir, first let me say thank you for this video. Second, the need to heal is so terribly strong, and you just want the nightmare to come to an end. It is hard to make progress when your unfaithful spouse is not forthcoming, remains untruthful, and seems reluctant for progress. While we are only four months in, looking forward to a two year mark seems like an eternity to be trapped in a nightmare. The pain is real, the wound is deep. Maybe some wounds don’t ever heal. Maybe healing from this mess just isn’t for everyone. Maybe it’s only meant for some. Thank you, again, for this video.

[@samshealingpodcast]

hi there. i'm terribly sorry for the pain you're in. fact is, it's not for some....it's for any and all who wish to do the work. it appears you're in a terribly tough situation. it could be longer if he refuses to get serious about his own work. perhaps these two resources can be of help in drawing boundaries with your spouse: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founders/how-get-mate-cooperate www.affairrecovery.com/survivors/samuel/they-get-say-no-life-going-change it may be time to stand up for yourself and no longer tolerate these behaviors. what you tolerate you can't change my friend.