Vlog #14 | Boredom, apathy, & confessions of a weirdo

A vlog that I started in March. And never edited. But I finally went back to it, not because I thought it was good and needed to be shared, but because it was a moment I needed to remember.
For a long while now I keep having the echoing thoughts of boredom and restlessness, of which I've mentioned several times on videos or instagram posts. I keep going over the same points, emphasising how creativity and being in nature always helps me, yet I never seem to be able to break out of the cycle of feeling stagnant, bored and simultaneously restless. I feel like I've become a can of mixed beans, the beans being a mixture of these contradicting emotions, but I've lost the label and I don't know which bean is which... (Perhaps one of my weirdest analogies, maybe?)
The editing of this video is a little different also. In my attempts to use KZbin to document these little nuggets of self discovery, I decided to keep in the parts that don't flow, that seem a little off topic, that seem a little boring, along with comments from ‘present me' jokingly judging what I consider to be past me's idiocy. A lot of my life feels like this.
In fact, I often look back and comment on myself and my words/actions like I'm reviewing another person; I feel like life is sometimes rehearsed and I'm forgetting my lines and reading the script wrong. I often repeat my sentences correcting my grammar or answer my own questions out loud. In my head I have a constant stream of conscious thoughts, an everlasting flow of words and sentences (apparently this is not the norm I recently discovered)... but as such, my spoken voice can be just as constant and my brain and mouth move at different speeds, with the odd pinch of my dyslexia making me use the completely wrong word just because it had one syllable in common, resulting in plenty of stumbling. I’m a stumbling bumbling stuttering mess sometimes.
This here video is a reminder to me that I'm a mess, and I don't have the answers, and I'm a weirdo for being SUCH a daydreamer but it is also here to remind me that I can still make something of it (even if it is just random KZbin videos).
Thank you for watching!
Lots of lovely love,
Lilian ♥
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♥ Connections:
Instagram: / ladylilian13
Old and new (revived) blog: lilian-moore.b...
Wattpad musings and other links: linktr.ee/lady...
♥ Equipment:
Canon EOS 200D
iPhone14 Pro
♥ Music from Epidemic Sounds
Our Secret Universe by Alan Ellis
A Temporary Solution by Infinity Ripple
♥ Edited with Davinci Resolve 18

[@soulscombined]

This video is so real, and love the editing of it! So proud that you did break out into nature! Just came across your channel :) new subscriber! ❤️

[@darrinyhearm4240]

Nothing wrong with having a world of your own.

[@_jordux]

just came across your channel. keep going :)

[@chris21443]

The decision trap of the perfectionist daydreamer who plans everything meticulously in their head first, yet is always left grazed with the bite mark of a universe that just won't comply to our perfectly choreographed expectations. One often wonders how anyone ever managed to get anything done when the universe is so.... uncooperative in the face of our efforts. You have exposed some innately personal aspects of yourself here, it is nice to know that it isn't just me. From a fellow daydreamer, at least, one who was cruelly forced to pseudo-reform, may I offer you but one piece of advice: don't ever change. You are richer for your inner world and in its absence, your soul will never find the freedom you might imagine it will. Chinese dumplings? Always better fried than only boiled! I guess we'll see you in December... you realise that when they say that you have to post regularly for the KZbin algorithm to kick-in, 6 months wasn't quite what they hand in mind, right? 🤭🤣

[@Toronto_Golfer]

We are old souls.

[@jasonpikachu7091]

I love your life 😊 can I share it with you ❤️🙃 I found you on boo x