Was Dr. Ramani the a**hole?

[@Juniperus_Godegara]

This is why Dr Ramani is so different from other professionals because even after all these years being well-respected and everything, she still thinks about her own behavior and practices self-evaluation ❤️

[@Juniperus_Godegara]

@@Khd387 yes, I thought that too. But still. Others wouldn't have handled it like that.

[@nancymcnulty2595]

Dr. Ramani, you are a blessing and and inspiration to me.

[@hilaryhutson8647]

I believe we all have our difficult challenges when we are in HALT, hungry, angry, lonely, and tired or troubled. It sounds like Dr Ramani was acknowledging that she was in HALT. In all the videos I've seen Dr Ramani speak in she has been forthright in regards to her own actions and behaviors and that she is sharing her experience honestly. The best way to defuse ruminating is to share what happened, what we can do to change our behavior, and make amends when we can buy owning our part in a situation. Thank Dr Ramani for the reminder that we are all human not perfect. I have done the same thing in a similar situation.

[@That_Handle]

Devin Townsend Project - Grace (Kinetic typography / lyrics video)

[@chjf353]

How unresponsible for a business to deliberately book a reserved car, when they pretty well know that there is none to rent out. Also.....how cruel to let people wait out in the cold knowing that there is no car to be handed out. Mix-ups may happen but this is a deliberate miscalculation hoping things will turn out to their advantage. They would probably also let you wait in the pouring rain only to find out..."oh well, we're out rented". THEY are the culprits. Honestly.....with all that was going on, especially going to say your "good byes" to someone leaving this life... Of course you should ALWAYS treat others like you yourself would like to be treated. The best thing though is that you acknowledged that you were not true to your own principles and will do better next time. I think with all of the pressure you had....cold, freezing, not in a familuar place, over-tired, not knowing what awaits you, betrayed by a company that didn't keep their end of the deal and didn't seem to care about it... all in all, it could have turned out worse. I thank you for your wise helpful insight and hope that you can stop ruminating. You have soooo much empathy for others, please have some for yourself. Take care, ❤

[@AS-tz3gv]

Some of the most healing things about Dr Ramani are her honesty, vulnerability, wisdom, and kindheartedness-and this episode shows all four.

[@peshahamer4078]

I think most people would have reacted in the same way as you.

[@405OKCShiningOn]

Yes I love your comment!! Dr Ramanis trying hard despite cold temps, uncertainty and stress. Dr Ramani is not the a hole, she's a earth angel with a tough day or two. It's ok to be frustrated with dismissive staff in a strange new place plus it's rattling to not have a rental car then there are other options arrived later but it's cold and uncertain. Blessings to your departed one. I'm sorry for your loss doctor. Love you and thus channel for so much goodness and purity of spirit to talk things thru.

[@td838]

thousands of Turkish people are under buildings waiting for help in freezing weather due to one of the biggest earthquakes, please share the ‘’ahbap’’ organisation ( this is not government organisation but public help organisation). Government left people to death please I’m begging share this to your followers 🙏

[@pwbreb]

How would you counsel someone else who was in similar circumstances? I bet you would tell them to have self compassion, to not define themselves by one incident, and to reflect in ways you just described. I bet you'd also say that we have times when we act like a jerk, but we are not a jerk; we are human. Not all of us would have the courage for such transparency. 💚💚💚

[@405OKCShiningOn]

@@pwbreb yes. Love what you said. I friend my jerk side or the moods or sides at times I feel so powerless against mean words and I'm supposed to be near my 50s. I didn't know I needed to hug myself I thought my life was cleaning and cooking for others and maybe I'd be allowed to paint when I was allowed. Then my own mental health stole my life. Dr Ramani s work and track record of successes and education heals pple. She's so passionate about healthcare and in this case mental health/dsyregulation/narcissism recovery. We have a gift , it's Dr Ramani.

[@vashtidances]

There’s a difference between being an AH and Having a moment. Having a moment = feeling bad afterwards and wanting to work at not repeating the behavior again Being an AH = feeling justified and repeating the behavior again You. Had. A. Moment. That is all. 💚 I’m glad you made it to your family in time. 🙏🏾

[@lovelylinda8891]

Nice distinction! Thanks for clearing that up.

[@ttsea8050]

This /\

[@mimimoungovan9238]

how could you NOT be affected in those circumstances? you did all due diligence for a precarious situation - travelling which is a tremendously vulnerable circumstsnce - and “in reliance of” what they told you you could count on, you proceeded. i landed solo in manhattan once withhotel reservstion printed on their letterhead and was told from 9 pm to almost midnight i didn’t have a reservation. (i called them before flying out that morning to confirm the reservation.) There was zero assurance ie “we will get you a room and sort this out in the morning.” i didnt have cash to throw at another hotel four times the price. i asked if i shouldgo out in the sidewalk eith a sig asking if someone could out me up. “that’s your decision.” thedesk clerk said. FINALLY he said they could give me a room for the night but slightly more expensive and only for that night. inthe morning it was sorted out. that was 2015 and i have to say its sffected all travel since KNOWING that no matter how much care and diligence i practice, im putin a zone of absolute dependence where ANYTHING can happen no matter how much attention to detail i practice. (the hotel on 23rd Street was and is run by the Catholic church.) so no. you were put in a position of “bring nice” and acting like what wasreally happening wasn’t, or responding appropriately to the circumstances of a stranger in a dark cold strange land having gone on reliance of a company seeking your business in a field they “specialized” in. no. i am really sorrythis happened and dude - it’s not you who’s the asshole. you responded appropriately and realistically to an insane situation.

[@TVVENCH]

Precisely!

[@karenk2409]

Excellent, Vashtidances!

[@kyandiegyal]

It's so refreshing that the most calm and educated people still have bad days and react. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing this experience. I pray for your terminally ill family member and send you comfort.

[@karinchristensen220]

This came at the perfect time. I did a similar thing last week. I accused a company of ripping me off and not shipping something, when it turned out it was the post office losing the package. Once I realized my mistake I sincerely apologized and the company owner was very understanding. I felt terribly embarrassed. It was not like me at all. After ruminating I thought maybe it was a panic attack of sorts. While typing the email which admittedly was not very nice, my hands were shaking, my heart was pounding. I keep wondering why I didn't just stop, delete what I wrote and calm down. I was also feeling entitled, like everything should just go right for me because I wanted this thing very badly. I did feel like they where out to get me. Old trauma showing up?? Not my best moment.

[@izawaniek2568]

No, you are not dr Ramani. You are a beautiful human being❤❤❤ Thank you.

[@blydnhvghn]

It cannot be overstated how much exhaustion, grief, hunger and just travel in general effect our state of mind and behavior. Forgive yourself. You are gentle, kind and patient in nature. It was only one moment. I am sorry to hear you have family suffering from terminal illness, my heart is with you both.❤

[@ceilconstante640]

And in the freezing cold!

[@blydnhvghn]

@@ceilconstante640 right? frigid air when tired is almost painful!

[@sandeehigby1284]

Your complaints are valid. No need to apologize. It is not the way to run a business. Period.

[@jameslewis6259]

They're a wonderful, friendly people, as long as their bellies are full and their holosuites are working. But take away their creature comforts, deprive them of food, sleep, sonic showers, put their lives in jeopardy over an extended period of time and those same friendly, intelligent, wonderful people... will become as nasty and as violent as the most bloodthirsty Klingon. -Quark from DS9

[@goldenviolet]

We all have our days when everything goes wrong. But car rental places are not the most charming places, "We don't have cars!" I have been so busy with my stalker, he keeps on his damn path of making my life hell. I am tired of being alone and broke and not believed because of this miserable situation that goes on and on. Today l discovered stolen dry cat food, peanut butter, milk, sour cream dip was down to 1/8 from 1/4. Same with my Schuler 's Bar Cheese. Eventho l have been treated like garbage because I am a nice person, and he parties with all the lawyers, cops and medical people. Why do I have to pay all my bills, when he steals from me constantly from my bank account to pay my bills? Why does he win when everyone is paid for by him, and his buddies? Am l an ahole to expect a win when l am doing the best l can, and way better than my stalker. Oh my thyroid pills were stolen again. He has done everything in his power to fight underhanded and he bans my comments and my rights. All this time I have been trying to release myself from this place to get away from him. Who knows if l will be famous ? And if l stay here , the neighbors steal, as well as my family and his family to beat up on me. Everytime l win they take it away from me. I took my so called antique coins to the coin shop, only to be told that they were not worth anything. He just keeps bullying me and constantly stealing. Who cares about me and how does it feel to me? I don't want him around me or my family . Yet he is watching my daughter's house too. What am l too do? I am tired of living in fear of him. He has hurt many people and his wives are not interested in helping me out after l paid their dues for years years and years. It is so important for me to win because l will finally get justice. My whole life has been stolen by this group of vultures that fallow me everywhere with gadgets to record everything l say. I don't want to fight with these people, because I won't win. He has a lawyer on payroll. He can't be that poor, and he owns Sciencetic Games that runs our state lottery. He is lying about being poor, and it's more than a bump of coke. It's every upper made in our pharma indusy. I had real good experiences at being straight faced during attacks for the last years of my life. How can I get help from anywhere in Michigan if the rules keep changing and l never get to see what or who is judging me? I don't deserved this punishment because my whole life has been destroyed by his stupid group . I am so disappointed in how he uses his position to kill my chances at getting out of here and getting a job that pays me, not my stalker.

[@umishizuku5860]

I find that often those who ask “Am I the asshole?” aren’t one. Narcissists will not ask that question because they do not have the capacity for self reflection. Thanks for your honesty Dr. Ramani. This tells me that a healthy individual should aspire to always be self discerning.

[@celestejones6315]

Exactly, lol. And I feel like even if they did take a second to try to ask AITA just for the sake of validation, as in they feel sure they're not but ask anyway to feel "fluffed up", they still might hesitate to ask just in the off chance that they'd feel afraid of being criticized even still. (Or, if they do ask and post it on Reddit or something and get feedback that has them experience their narc rage, they'll probably just delete it altogether or something and tell themselves how wrong and dumb that person was for criticizing them, likely also after bullying them a bit first). Not to mention they immensely fear any sense of vulnerability and admitting of wrongdoing, so yeah... I definitely agree narcissists are more likely to steer clear of asking in the first place.

[@jennifermilan6467]

That was my same thought

[@susansauls3707]

exactly

[@joob40]

All of us are "the" asshole sometimes. But if we're reflecting, we're probably not "an" asshole. ;)

[@TheMaysoliman]

What I got out of the video are two things: 1) Always give people some grace, because you don’t know what’s happening in their lives at this moment. 2) More specific to people who were on the receiving end of narcissistic abuse, I think situations like this activate that feeling that I’m not heard or being ignored, and from then on, unfortunately defense instinct takes over a bit. In myself, I recognize that many times my anger was more about the hurt that I received before and the sense of helplessness that while has nothing to do with this specific moment, has similarities that triggered a bigger reaction. It took me work and trying to be present in the real moment to identify and keep that trigger at bay. But that is what makes the difference between someone who recognizes when they’re not acting in a most reasonable manner vs those who take the easy way of blaming everyone else for their hurt feelings. So I applaud the recognition and the effort to make it better.

[@proudmoon3]

🎯 Well said, May!

[@BobbiGail]

Oh my goodness, yes! Well articulated. Spot on.

[@bluecannibaleyes]

Nah to #1. No one ever gives me excuses for anything going on in my life, yet I’m always expected to do it for everyone else. And many things are just plain unacceptable no matter what your sob story is. I’m tired of that crap. People use excuses and sob stories to get out of responsibility for their actions way too much, I’m not buying it anymore.

[@BobbiGail]

@@bluecannibaleyes I promise I would give you the "benefit of the doubt" once, and "grace" after that. Mess with me 3 times? Maybe not. I'm learning.

[@bluecannibaleyes]

@@BobbiGail I suppose if I know them and their character well, then I might once. But at this point, I’m just really tired of people constantly trying to make ‘what if’ excuses for complete strangers and imaginary people. What if your imaginary scenario isn’t the case? What if I don’t care about their super special circumstances anyway because it still doesn’t excuse their poor decision? What if they’re just stupid? I’ll give them THAT benefit of the doubt, that’s about it. LOL

[@birthdaycakekefir]

❤Not an a**hole, not by a longshot. You’re a human being who was under a lot of stress, while on her way to saying goodbye to a terminally ill family member. Lots of love to you, Dr.Ramani! You’ve been a life line to countless people and I hope that our responses will bring you comfort and assurance when you need it. Thank you, Dr. Ramani.

[@WakeyWakey1111]

❤️ I wholeheartedly agree with every word you wrote to Dr Ramani, my Friend. Well said!!! ❤️

[@birthdaycakekefir]

@@WakeyWakey1111 Thanks, Mona Lisa. It's so heartwarming to connect with people here.❤️

[@mariomontessori2129]

She has definitely been a life line....absolutely...so rightly said! Thank you Dr. Ramani and thank you Hylda for saying everything I wanted to say ❤

[@TruthFirst005]

This is a good reminder to not judge someone as being a narcissist on one interaction. We all have bad days. I'm usually pretty calm but that much anxiety and the absolute anxiety of being somewhere I've never been would have sent me over the top.

[@MsSheilaC]

Yes! Ive been so quick to narrate others bad behavior to myself😅, like when driving, that instead of saying 'what an idiot move' Im trying to replace it w "maybe they are in a hurry trying to help someone" and that feels instantly better.

[@usernameisunavailable8270]

@@MsSheilaC Yeah, when we jump to negative conclusions about others, it can actually be a bad habit. Life isn't black and white, and not to mention our perception of other people could be tainted forever, by never giving them the benefit of the doubt and assuming everyone is a bad person based off of one experience. It also makes us put up a defensive wall and make it harder to be vulnerable with people.

[@MsSheilaC]

@@usernameisunavailable8270 yes! Benefit of the doubt

[@LettersfromLou]

Absolutely- it’s the repeated consistent behaviours time and time again that should bring up red flags. Not a moment of stress when someone is feeling genuinely overwhelmed and being human for a moment - big big difference

[@That_Handle]

I'll add that even not being quick [to judge] isn't due diligence enough in assessment because, not unusually, there can often be long-running underpinnings like (chronic partial) sleep deprivation, etc. creating what one perceives to be the baseline of someone's behavior over a sustained period of time of observation. That's why I always ask if someone can describe to me the quality of their sleep and duration (not, atypically, met initially with frustration at the onset of a question that seems out of their frame but then eventually down-regulating when realizing upon reflection of comparing ~better days versus worse days.....) if they're waking up at typical circadian rhythm multiples and not in the middle of one of the many cycles at a minimum we need to wake rested so we aren't so easily overwhelmed by what we'd otherwise normally execute / manage without a second thought.

[@theirishfairy6281]

Girl! That doesn’t make you an asshole it makes you a human. Quiet frankly it makes me feel relieved that you reacted this way because it is exactly what I would have done in those stressful circumstances and then remuneration for hours if not days later. Love from Ireland . Your great, thank you for all you do. ☘️🌈🇮🇪

[@mschenandlerbong8539]

Assholes are human too. Yeah she was, though. I've been there, myself. I apologized profusely when I realized. Just because our feelings are valid doesn't mean that our actions are justified. Interestingly, the time I acted the same, I was also dealing with a family issue with my mother and at the end of my emotional rope. But you do own it and you apologize and yes you acknowledge you were an asshole.

[@sandyedwards2681]

@@mschenandlerbong8539 yes! Good reminder that when we are out in the world, we never know what burdens someone else is bearing. Kindness matters.

[@malinichandra6953]

Exactly!!!❤

[@PatyTheWitch]

Well said :) I love real life stories. And I am glad to have listened to this one.

[@denisemorrison6331]

Expecting service you were promised is different. It’s not like you jumped ahead of everyone and said, “Do you know what I’ve been through? Do you know who I am? I demand a car right now!” That may have made you an as*hole. But this was momentary and not like the stories of people who never apologize and continue to act like this daily. Everyone deserves a pass in trying times. God bless you Dr Ramani. You’re the best! ❤

[@joshuaanzalone2060]

You are never an asshole for putting your needs first. Narcs better get over it cause I owe them nothing.

[@timothydrummond3097]

Agreed. Had she not Had a reservation for one that they took away, then it could be considered the ah. Yes not handled the best way But she had a right to be upset in this case.

[@shahadah1451]

@@joshuaanzalone2060 You MIGHT BE a NARCISSIST. Sometimes it is more appropriate to put another first. jmho

[@nodozhit]

Well said.

[@iasked-cl8mz]

I got the notification to this video and for a second I was shocked. I cannot even believe anybody would be able to ask you such questions or say such things to you, but I have to say: Dr Ramani, you have saved my life. As a young South Asian generational curse breaker, you have helped me a lot in my journey. (Because so often abuse in my community gets swept under the rug and fully accepted without being questioned.) You are like a mother we all needed but weren't fortunate enough to have. ❤

[@debracurry612]

Truth!

[@bobbybloomer5266]

100%

[@The_Becomings]

💯🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

[@One_and_Justice_4_All]

Amen ❤️❤❤️

[@wendyb.serendipity6517]

100000%

[@PrettyGirl-un3qh]

The only thing we learned from this video is that you are not just a great professional but a wonderful person, and all of us who were helped by you one way or another embrace you in your human complexity. Feel the love and put this bad experience in the past, Dr Ramani xx

[@PV-yl7br]

Hi Dr. Ramani, your honesty, vulnerability and self awareness is really powerful. DO nice people lose their temper sometimes? Absolutely! After all, anger can be helpful in some situations. My anger helped me to put boundaries in an abusive relationship because there wasn't any other way they could hear me. Do I use my anger to take advantage of people and situations often? Of course not. I think what makes a toxic person so destructive is their chronic use of anger, rage and manipulation. Self compassion, dr. Ramani , you did the best you could in this situation. I applaud your honesty.

[@brynne77]

Well-said. I agree with your points.

[@danlee4706]

Been there, done that, and on retrospect I realized what got me so mad was the dismissiveness and the apathy of the employees. It's something in our current society that is so infuriating, especially when you know their "I'm sorry's" are so disingenuous.

[@bellaluce7088]

You hit the nail on the head. The not caring adds insult to injury.

[@helenlauer9545]

a company that can treat its customers like trash -- e.g. taking more reservations for car rentals than they have capacity to fulfil and then getting caught short, meaning F-U for the customers, comparably treats its employees like trash, so the disregard by customer service reps is just more of the same lowbrow business practice. It may not be on the employees at all. OR: some of these companies outsource their customer service unit and you're talking to a topic-neutral call bank somewhere that has little or nothing to do with the service you are complaining about. All they are supposed to do is to deflect heat. A cold demeanour and impassive reaction is the programmed response they are paid to supply. It ain't personal for the person taking the complaint. So from that position the situation is morally neutral. A Buddhist take on this seems helpful: getting frenzied about the customer service doesn't make any difference at all, but it hurts YOU.

[@maxsmart9116]

@@helenlauer9545 what's your point?

[@Lesbean_Burrito]

The point is that the workers at those companies are overworked and mistreated. Be mad at the higher-ups, not the worker.

[@rmzang]

Dismissive behavior is definitely infuriating. Customer service seemingly no longer exists. Too many people think they're too cool (lots of social media to fuel that fallacy) or good to sincerely acknowledge their wrongs, not to mention the deterioration in the people who are supposed to LEAD with professionalism, we also don't have that anymore.

[@enggelina9631]

You're not an a*****e, Ma'am; you're just a human being. Growing up in a narcissistic family system often made us think+feel that we have to be good and patient all the time, no matter what happens, or else we're a toxic person ourselves. We even find it hard to be angry when we're supposed to be angry for the injustice happening to us. Sending you a big hug and lots of love.

[@MsYogiCat]

Yes, you are absolutely right 👍

[@AlikiBee]

Yes!

[@AshleyD333]

Can we not have empathy towards someone having a bad day ? I think anyone would behave that way. We ALL behave different ways given the circumstances . You are NOT an asshole , YOU ARE HUMAN 💕 We love you and appreciate you ❤

[@ava-chan235]

This is not being an a**hole. This is being overwhelmed. You are the opposite of an a**hole. And always doing our best can sometimes become overwhelming. This difficult day and the reason why you were travelling were also overwhelming. I'm sorry all this happened to you 🙏🏻 The good side of the story is that it shows that it can happen to everyone, as long as it's not a usual pattern. This will help people, included myself, to feel less guilty about it, and hopefully, to notice when it's happening. 🙂 Thank you for sharing your story 🙏🏻

[@sharnjohnson8392]

Thank you for being so honest. I had a similar experience the other day when I just got so overwhelmed and frustrated. I felt completely unheard and it kind of broke my brain. After the incident passed and all was resolved, I was mainly upset with myself and questioned if I too was the asshole. But I had to step back and remember that I am only human and cannot be perfect in every situation. Your honesty in this video has made me feel so much better. The kindest and most empathetic people have breaking points too. At least we can admit that we are human. I think you are lovely and especially lovely because you can admit when you find things hard. Thank you.

[@shelley7975]

You are human. You were pushed to your limit. No, Dr. Ramani, you were not an ahole, you were just stressed and pushed to far. Love from Michigan :)

[@NursissisticOfficial]

You are absolutely not an a*hole. You are a lifeline to so many of us. We all have moments of weakness but the fact that you're out here owning yours in a very public way speaks volumes about your character. Thank you for your transparency. It helps to know that we all have human moments where we mess up.

[@malinichandra6953]

Exactly ❤ Thankyou Dr Ramani for all that you do

[@MJ-qb5ph]

Totally!

[@boohere2]

Agree. She is not the asshole. Especially when she said the customer care and all the staff at the place were dismissive. Actually I would separately asked the person at the counter or manager if they would give me a ride to the hotel & I would pay them. Usually people like to make a little extra cash on the side. With the cars all being sold out , means they are probably going home anyways.

[@assassinvishal007]

mate u r very hard and straight auch.!

[@NursissisticOfficial]

@@assassinvishal007 Pardon?

[@melissaearley8999]

I've worked a lot of retail and service jobs and people reacting as you described have brought me to tears of frustration when I've been on the receiving end of their anger and I was NOT the person responsible for their frustration. The person at that desk was probably not the reason they ran out of cars, and was absorbing all the consequences of someone else's actions or some situation out of their control. That said, large companies like this should expect a few things at airports: 1) travel is exhausting and stressful and many people are traveling because of family illnesses, deaths, stressful job responsibilities, and other challenges, 2) people using their services are likely not familiar with their surroundings so they are also anxious about driving in a new place, 3) people just getting off planes may need to use the bathroom, may be hungry, have fussy children or frail, sick people to sooth, have inappropriate clothing for the climate, and a hundred other stressors. Therefore, they should be adequately staffed and they should manage expectations. They knew you were going to show up to claim a car but they allowed earlier demands to ruin that most basic expectation. They knew that as the line grew people would become more and more agitated and yet they let everyone stand outside in sub-freezing temperatures at least long enough for you to make two calls to their customer service line, therefore making their inevitable difficult announcement seem pretty cruel. They also had your phone numbers, so they could have texted an apology and attached a voucher to use at a competitor pretty easily and saved you the trip to their desk altogether. In short, they not only broke your rental contract, they were callous and inefficient and dismissive of their responsibilities...I'd say you had every right to be upset and voice your anger. Just remember that those employees in front of you or on the phone may not have had any power to prevent the problem and they will greatly appreciate a simple acknowledgement of that...something like, "I realize you are probably not to blame for this situation, but I'm angry and upset and I think...." It's a way to recognize that something is very wrong and I'm being treated poorly, without accusing someone of intentionally hurting you if you don't know that they are specifically responsible for the problem.

[@rhokesh4391]

Well said!

[@RolandPihlakas]

Though there is a gray area between being unable to be responsible and just being a passive enabler to a sort of narcissistic company. Unfortunately this is a very typical "setup" with customer services whose main job is to politely dismiss the clients whose rights have been violated. It cannot go on like that. The client is made feel guilty for standing up for themselves, since the poor customer service will suffer then one way or other. There are also other similarities with narcissism. If the clients are not outright dismissed then they are given vague and generic responses, optionally with long delays. Like in future faking. So that the case is not moving anywhere over a long time. Which just makes the client exhausted and run out of free time, in the end causing them to give up. Especially when the manager stepped out the things should have changed. Managers should have the authority to make changes. And the customer service should have the authority to delegate relevant things to their manager instead of just dismissing the clients. Many atrocities of the world would not happen if people had more courage to stand up against uncaring "rules". Is it acceptable when a big company, that is a stronger party, says that they do not have a "procedure" in place for fixing their own mistakes and therefore it cannot be done? Like "sorry, just drop it and go away now"? I personally find such situations depressing, discouraging and ultimately sad with regards to what to hope from the human civilisation in general.

[@imapandaperson]

Very well said!

[@happydillpickle]

@@RolandPihlakas Exactly. Reading your post reminded me of a very bizarre moment in my life. I went to my local shop to buy some groceries, as I had been doing for years. When I came to be served, I was told that I had been banned from the shop. To this day, I don't know why: not one of the staff could give me a reason. The manager couldn't give me a reason. They all blamed "the area manager", whoever that was: he was never there when I went to try to find out why I was banned. I'd never stolen from the shop, never complained in the shop. They must have had me confused with someone else. I asked the guy who worked there if he knew why I was banned. He said no. I asked him why he wouldn't serve me. He said that serving me would be "more than his job's worth". He didn't want to risk losing his job by serving me, even though he didn't see why I would be banned. I told him, be careful: people do very cruel things to other people just because they're following orders without question. A few weeks later, I saw the same guy who had originally told me I was banned, when I was in the queue in the shop across the road. He was complaining to the shop keeper that he'd been sacked unfairly. He said they'd told him the ID of someone he served alcohol to was fake. He told them, how could I know it eas fake ID? He looked 21. How do you know it's fake? I said to him, hey I told you not to follow orders you don't understand or feel are fair, just because you've been told to do them, but you insisted that I was banned. Now they've lost you your job. Now do you agree that they're a horrible company? He laughed and apologised. How could he have known the ID was fake? It probably wasn't. The boss probably just got a power trip out of playing mind games.

[@Mike-sj9si]

@@RolandPihlakas Agreed! One of the biggest issues I had working in customer service at some companies was that I was the one who interacted most with customers and yet I had almost zero power to do anything if a customer did not get what they were in fact rightfully entitled to. I remember a situation where I had to deliver bad news to numerous customers. Those customers were rightfully disappointed and most of them were actually very kind in the way they expressed that. I was the lowest-on-the-totem-pole employee at that time yet I was the one tasked with delivering this bad news that the company was responsible for creating to all these customers. I was not okay with what was happening, so I went to my manager. This was the hierarchy from lowest-highest: me, one group of employees, another group of employees, my manager, her manager, the owner of the business. So I go to my manager and I say, "These customers are rightfully upset due to this bad news I'm delivering to them because of this situation we're responsible for. What can I offer these customers?" The manager literally just shrugged and looked away with an arrogant look on her face. Some of the other employees who were higher up than me were close by. They heard me say what I said to my manager and they knew about the whole situation. They also did/said nothing. I literally couldn't do anything. The environment of the company was (of course) extremely toxic. I could've come up with innovative ideas to try to fix this situation or prevent it in the future, but as a low-level employee in a toxic company I knew no one respected my ideas and I would've just been laughed at and "put in my place" for voicing them. I knew I risked getting fired on the spot and losing my much-needed poverty wages or at least becoming a target of bullying if I pushed my manager to do anything. This was around the time that I made a safe exit plan, quit that job, left and never ever patronized that establishment again. Some companies really do suck and some customers really do have the right to be really, really upset. Those customers that day did a great job of modeling classy human behavior by expressing their anger in a way that still preserved my dignity and theirs as well. That led to me actually wanting to help them even more. They were being kind to me so I wanted to fight for them even harder. At the same time I would've understood if they'd had an angry outburst, and being on the receiving end of that anger would've been emotionally difficult and unfair for me to deal with as someone getting paid poverty wages to help generate wealth for a company that didn't care about anyone. But I don't blame the customer for that, I blame the company. That's why I don't like working for those types of companies. It is at the same time worth noting that some customers are simply unhinged. There've been issues that I saw customers be really upset about that were small, such as Splenda accidentally put in coffee instead of the Stevia that they asked for. I apologized while immediately and efficiently pouring another coffee and grabbing a pack of Stevia while refunding their order - "I'm sorry Miss, it's on us." This was not enough for them as they cursed me out and another customer joined in annoyed that it was taking a few seconds longer for me to get to them because I had messed up this other customer's coffee. Situations like that just aren't fair for anyone. Small honest mistakes will happen and it's really better to just stay calm and ask for that Stevia. We'll gladly remake your coffee. Depends on the situation but I definitely see how you're meaning situations that are actually unfair, and I completely agree. *I hated the powerlessness that I felt as a low-level employee in toxic companies where I couldn't push someone higher than me to do something or state new ideas for improvement without getting fired or bullied. I was with the customer in those situations, as hard and unfair as it was for me to be thrust onto the front lines dealing with customers' anger while employees getting paid double to even a thousand times more than me sat back and did nothing - and you never know what's going to happen. Hot lattes get thrown at low-level service workers more frequently than you think.* Also I agree with Melissa's comment and I think it's well-said.

[@bumpyroad3251]

It's amazing how always when handicaps and unexpected problems are raining over your head there's always that critical person to side eye, making your day

[@summertime9963]

Exactly! They are probably the Narc waiting to make someone else look insane instead.

[@ImagineWavesCrashing]

This reminds me of my decade as a hairstylist. It’s easy to pass snap judgments on a person who you only see for 20 mins to a few hours. But most often when I decided not to take on clients upset, irritability or impatience, personally, most people calmed down and some would explain why they were feeling shitty. And I’ll guarantee that they had things going on in their day that were hard or upsetting. I think momentarily some people in line might have thought you were rude, but I think you’re just a human being who was experiencing a very difficult set of events. And now, you are gracefully and humbly showing narcissistic relationship survivors how important self forgiveness and self compassion is. Thank you 😊 I really appreciate all you have given. You have been a guiding light in my life and I aspire to be more like you. I see you as one of my personal hero’s.

[@margoriebrodie2303]

Your story reminds me of something similar I did. I was staying at a hotel near where my kid's psychiatrist. I snapped at the hotel clerk over something relatively trivial because I was stressed out. As someone who prides themselves on basic decency, I was horrified by my behavior. I ended up effusively apologizing to the woman at the desk. Because we would stay there whenever my son had an appointment, a beautiful relationship developed with "my new friend" at the hotel. I have especially tender feelings for her, and her willingness to accept my apology. Makes me happy. xo

[@sandyedwards2681]

I think you’re right, conscientious people put a lot of pressure on ourselves to not make any mistakes. Sometimes it’s unrealistic. We may have set much higher standards for ourselves than anyone else. We have to get better perspective on the so-called offenses and not stay stuck in guilting ourselves. As Maya Angelou said “when you know better, do better” and don’t dwell on past mistakes that you wouldn’t think twice accepting as normal if a friend did the same.

[@ai172]

Wow! Thanks for sharing your experience with us Dr. R! The fact that you reflected on your emotions, actions(past, present and future), the effect it probably had on others and your courage to bare open to us asking our opinion definitely DOES NOT make you a narcissist. You simply had a human moment and kept it real! You were tired, hangry, helpless, cold, hurt, sad, angry, alone and probably scared even. Lots of love and hugs♥️

[@lovelylinda8891]

very well stated!! The entire atmosphere (physically, mentally, emotionally) were all high stress and conducive for such a response. I specifically related to the part about being in a cold, unknown environment with the floor snatched from up under you (creating a psychological unsafety and physical one), and finally having people be dismissive to your suffering adds another layer of distress.

[@tinabrooks4397]

No you are not. You keep it real and have helped so many.

[@lynnhilding3200]

Not an asshole. I wonder if you had included being outraged on behalf of the other people waiting as well as yourself your advocacy which you deserved would have been even more poiniant. Passivity is just as toxic as overly unregulated rage. I must thank you for all the help I receive in viewing your videos every day!!!

[@deadprivacy]

This.

[@danasobus9446]

I was just talking to my son about this.We all have these traits and at times put under so much pressure it’s very difficult for us to control our emotions. I feel the difference between someone that is narcissistic and angry in general and someone that is just genuinely nice and in a difficult situation is remorse. At the end of the day you questioned your actions and even thought about how you could be a better person the next day. Even though you were under immense pressure you still felt some empathy towards others from your actions. This is why you are not an asshole😊

[@toni-leeblair5869]

You are not even close to being an a hole! You Dr. saved my life!!! I sincerely mean that, with all my heart. I for one will be grateful to you for the rest of my days. Wonderful days! Thankyou ❤️

[@maryoconnor9166]

That sounds like a healthy emotional response to an unendurable situation. Sometimes we need to release our emotions as human beings. I'm sure other people there were grateful to you for expressing how they felt also!

[@nathankinman7753]

My thoughts exactly.

[@charleneremillard574]

Perfectly stated. You needed to offer yourself some compassion. It was a behavior not a pattern. Besides you were grieving. You were not being entitled, but appropriately angry about being mistreated by that company.

[@bonnsterthemonster]

Yes.

[@enbusquedadeperlita3133]

It's a "you have to be there" moment to understand. I always tell myself there are three sides to every situation... Mine, his/hers and theirs. I try not to judge. Given all that you were dealing with, it was a given that you'd snap under the weight of varied emotions. You are human and shit happens. Everything good and bad is temporary Dr. Ramani, I'm sure you know this. Hugs🤗

[@liorakohan2619]

You are NOT an asshole. You are a human under tremendous stress and your reaction is totally understandable and also justified. This only shows your humanity. You don't have to be perfect!! YOU ARE ENOUGH. We ALL have those moments, and hopefully we won't judge on 1 incident. We love you ❤ I never lose it in front of people. However similar circumstances to yours happened to me so I feel your pain. I ruminated and felt terrible despite almost immediately apologizing. Forgive yourself and practice self compassion. Thank you for your transparency. Hugs to you.

[@suzannegittins9574]

This is a great example of the fact that we don’t know what is happening in someone’s journey each day. Dr R. I’m thankful to know that you are human. 😊 I have so much respect for you because you cared to evaluate yourself. You generally treat everyone with kindness, sometimes we just have a bad day. We need to give everyone grace. 🌻

[@ellasladek3124]

Injustice is the first thing that came to me , you experienced injustice , and so do we when being abused by our narcissistic mates,or family members. It does make us act a little crazy , I probably would have done the same as you ! I feel compassion for you , maybe you can be compassionate with yourself , and we will all learn from it , something narcissistic people can’t do !

[@l.kaniewski1196]

Yes, injustice.

[@mathildecitronnier9738]

This is another story that proves your humanity ! Not being an asshole ! But sharing one of your biggest insecurity, vulnerability... It takes courage. And it helps me accepting my own little moments of assholeness (witch, I finally get to understand, are obviously less frequent than my trauma brain wants me to believe). Thank you ❤

[@kav1t4]

OMG no doc., you're definitely not. I was getting angry for you and screaming at my phone here. You're human, and we get overwhelmed at times. The fact that you immediately reflected on your behaviour is more than enough proof that at the core of you, you're a kind and compassionate human. And you're allowed to feel what you feel. I truly hope you at least get your money back. And thank you for sharing this ♥️

[@marcanderson9211]

Agree with above… you’re only human, and only saints and angels go through such days and remain in good cheer. When you combine life stress, work pressure, anxiety of being in a new place, poor sleep, freezing, and one problem after another - what do you honestly expect from yourself? EVERYONE has those days, and everyone breaks, in one way or another. This day was just your turn. The people around you would be wise to remember their own “planes, trains, and automobiles “ experience before they judge. Happy to see your sanity and good cheer are intact!🙂

[@privatejen3590]

When we're experiencing less solid ground--i.e. hungry, tired, cold, impatience, discomfort, etc, our inner child can often show up and disconnect us from ourselves and those around us. In your hotel room, you gave yourself compassion (soothed your inner child) and in time, you felt a steadiness to move forward with grace. Learning is an ongoing process and your vulnerable share is inspiring and encouraging. Dr. Ramani, your authenticity is beautiful!🙏🏽

[@MM-gk5of]

As you were recounting your experience, I felt such compassion for you. It was like hearing one of my grown daughters telling me about their horrible travel experience. My eyes stung with tears, thinking about what happened.

[@pamelawissinger1838]

Thank you for telling us your thoughts, anxiety, and anger. You are a hero to all of us who find navigating new actions in the cold an emotional upheaval. You are loved.

[@shayshaymann113]

Absolutely not! You’re human, we all have moments like this at some point. It’s not like you’re this way every time something goes off track. It was a combination of other factors, definitely don’t be too hard on yourself just for this. You are a 💎 that helps thousands of survivors every single day!!

[@kayshogren3497]

I felt such a sense a calm when I watched this video. I am always trying to be the best person I can be and when I mess up I am hard on myself. It was wonderful to see someone I respect have a moment of weakness (a moment of vulnerability) and a great reminder that no one is perfect. And we can learn from our mess ups. Thank you for sharing.

[@tonianderson4105]

Dr. Ramani, you're human, that's all, and deserving of grace. You were physically and emotionally drained, it was late, cold outside, and the worst possible time of day to be unexpectedly confronted with a travel snafu. Everyone has a breaking point . I'm just glad you were able to get a car from somewhere else on such short notice. I had an experience like that at 3:00 am in Salt Lake City in December. It was about about 10 degrees outside. I totally get it.

[@laurengrippaldi7424]

Thats exactly what I was thinking. Everyone has a breaking point. That does not make you a bad person. Now if you did that on a nice day for no reason, middle of the day, no line and people were willing to help? Then absolutely. But circumstances made your feelings valid and warranted. Arguing just to pick a fight or yelling just to prove a point would make you an a$$hole. But you were just being human. 💜

[@tonianderson4105]

@@laurengrippaldi7424 absolutely right!

[@Mariah.B11]

Glad you told this story. You are human. There's nothing more frustrating and consequently emotionally upsetting, than having someone be dismissive of our need. Perfect teaching example to us, of how to practice self compassion. Kindness to your self. You were under extreme pressure. Don't blame yourself for someone else's incapacity to de-escalate a situation... and go the extra mile, to intuit and address your need. In short - problem solve. That's the essence of it. Have been in similiar circumstances myself in recent year. It's partly the world going mad ... Take care 🙂 💕

[@roxannebyrne2626]

Thank you for being so vulnerable and recognizing that everyone has moments where they are not their best.

[@j-ak8545]

This was so necessary for me to see. I’ve had many moments recently where I haven’t behaved the best, under what I would consider quite intense stress, and lead me to heavily reflect on myself and try to do better. Even I came away wondering whether others saw me as entitled and narcissistic, where I then became so upset I’d withdraw. As you said, if they did, I completely get why, but seeing this video really does reassure me that we can all fall into this state of mind where we simply can’t tolerate anymore of what we’re already trying to tolerate, and that there’s always a bigger picture to look at. Thank you. 💜

[@betsbullins9442]

No, Dr Ramani, you aren't an a**hole. It was a unique, very stressful situation and you responded as you needed to. Sometimes we do have to get upset and show ourselves in an unkind light, unfortunately. The fact that you are able to self reflect and continue in your usual calm way, only shows your excellent character as a good person. Allowing yourself the grace to not be a doormat to someone, is absolutely not being an a**hole. You're wonderful and I love your honesty and kindness even more after this share. Elizabeth from NC ❤️

[@suesilva5252]

Thank you for sharing your vulnerability with us. We love you ❤️

[@w0lfgrl]

My thoughts are with you and your family member ❤ Thank you for this! Every time I watch one of your videos I learn something so valuable and each time I feel recharged and comforted. Assholes can not have that effect on people, SWEET Dr. Ramani 🥰

[@mirandamccoubrey1714]

Not even close. You're a human and I think that is a response most people would have in such an awful situation! Love you and your honesty💗

[@roshanrahealer]

Dr. Ramani, Thank you for sharing this! I'm still working through shame of being human, as religious trauma may have induced a lot of other traumas from my past. By sharing your darkness, you're sharing your humanity. You're more relatable to people like me, who struggle to know if they're evil when angry. Valid anger even scares me, yet I find comfort in creative expressions that show the anger as a healing tool. Keep sharing your stories when the inspiration hits. Your reactions made sense to me. Even non-assholes can have asshole moments.

[@AmorYMigas]

Oh man….. I put myself in your shoes and I was almost crying before you said you started crying. I feel so bad for your troubles, for the circumstances of your visit, and that now you’re going over it. When I find myself having been “in that space”, if I can’t sorta repair or reconcile, then I try to look for opportunities to be kind and forgiving. Sounds like that’s what you did. Most of us are not a** holes, but things can sometimes get to even the kindest of people.❤️🙏

[@joelvrc6286]

Dr. Ramani, I wanted to say thank you for sharing with us your knowledge and experience. I am a mental health counselor in training in my last semester of grad school. I've been married for 15 years, and something has never felt right, but I could never pinpoint what it was. 7 years of college, including 3 years of grad school, led me close, but YOU, your videos, made me realize what it was, my wife is a covert narcissist. I am deeply trauma bonded to her, and am trying to gain the strength to leave. Thank you for everything you do.

[@Askalott]

You’re not an asshole. I’m sorry for your loss. Thank you for being so vulnerable, it really helps.

[@Liciablyth]

I suppose there is no excuse for belligerent, aggressive behaviour because how we react is our choice. There is great compassion for the stress you were under and no judgement for the position you found yourself in. I am so sorry for your loss. What an epic journey you had to undertake! Long, lonely, isolated roads in the ice and snow, to say goodbye to a family member. It would make a great movie! Sending warmth and comfort to you and all of us in our human journey into consciousness and responsibility.

[@maureenleier5381]

Dr. Ramani, this video is a short master class on how a fundamentally kind, self aware, humble, empathetic, growth orientated, wise, mature, accountable, and compassionate human being behaves after an unfortunate incident. Thank you for normalizing all of our collective “one bad” moments, and role modeling how to unpack, learn, and move on from them. Sending much care and love your way … no one is more deserving.❤️❤️❤️

[@zaftigninja2908]

I think you hit the nail on the head at the end of this video; everyone has moments like this. Not even considering all of less than ideal circumstances leading up to standing in that line, it sounds like the people taking your calls at the customer service center certainly didn’t do their job with any empathy or care beyond the scripts in their book. The step that some people don’t take after succumbing to circumstances like this is the part where you took the time to break down what happened, spend time thinking about it, and making those mental notes to try to be less reactive and more mindful/empathetic in the future. That’s not an easy thing to do… assholes don’t do that, in my experience. I’m sorry you had such a trying trip!

[@kaijam5428]

No you were not, you were just human. But it’s unusual with such honesty and humbleness that you have. That makes you an even better therapist! ❤

[@amandagarland-barnes1429]

The hardest part of living with mind f***ing narcissism is crippling fear of ever being like them. Which you are not. Your frustration was valid, their behaviour was not ok. You are not an arsehole you are human. Thanks for being such a badass truth teller Dr Ramini ❤

[@mr.picklespublishing1709]

Thank you for being real. This is why I love you and feel comfortable learning from you.

[@artifundio1]

No, never! If anything, you keep it real always, but you're not a narcissist. Remember narcissists will treat people badly without provocation or reason. You had a reason, they didn't. The rental company was building up all this anger by their own irresponsible behavior towards clients. We can almost always be more graceful, until we cannot. Sometimes we are not in our best behavior, but if you can forgive yourself, everyone else can forgive you too.

[@geoninja3631]

@Direct Text +③⓪⑤⑧⑤①⑤⑥⑦⓪ r u a scam?

[@ERIN478]

I was amazed at how, in this case, "life" or maybe "inharmony" was like a narcissist, throwing nonsense and wrongness at you over and over, and you were like the survivor who's being driven crazy so that she isn't acting like herself. And some around her are looking at her like, "Wow, you're the crazy one."

[@Wishpool]

@ERIN478 - well said!

[@edwardcorrigan4479]

You are only a human, and testing your comfort zone, and I am thankful there are ppl like you, willing to speak up, when an injustice has been done. Much love for you Doc, please never stop doing and being who you are that has changed, helped and saved so many lives, including mine. You are a beautifully imperfect person, and you gotta balance out all that greatness sometimes and a car rental agency sounds like the perfect place ! Thank you!

[@kathleenhansen8862]

so nice to know that you are a human🙏🏽💚 just had this conversation today with a friend of mine who’s a big-time calm meditator… And after a moving company held her personal belongings hostage for three months… She found herself dropping F bombs in her driveway when they finally delivered… We have breaking points…🙏🏽💚 self kindness, and self forgiveness… So good when we can practice that.❤

[@arabians57wyo]

Dr. Rama I is a wealth of knowledge and support. I have been trying to deal with an adult daughter who is a narcissist. Dr Ramani has saved me with her genuine advice and caring. I will never be able to thank her for all her help and support. She is an amazing woman.

[@lauraschmidt7858]

The thing about entitlement, I think, is that there are some things we are entitled to, like other people keeping their commitments. When they don’t we react as human beings with anger, disappointment and sometimes outrage. I guarantee you that wasn’t those employees’ first rodeo with their company not keeping its commitments. That’s why they were so emotionally shut down with you. There was a narcissist there somewhere running that company so poorly but it sure wasn’t you. Please keep after them and don’t let them get away with that. We all still love you human and all. 😊

[@rllght]

I remember I often had to talk menacingly, spoke in vicious tone, using rude language or even shouting like a mad person when dealing with toxic narcissists in my life. Those are definitely not my best side, and the expressions on my face must have looked horrible and maybe even detestable to those around. These are just a small part of the heavy toll it takes facing narcissists and their toxicity.

[@whereisyourhumanity7557]

I'm glad that you had those resources, and you were able to call upon them. They have served me as well. And I had to learn how to put those tools down again. That wasn't easy, either.

[@deadprivacy]

I straight up smashed a few narcissists noses in to be fair. Bosh. I know better these days. No regrets either. Often the rage you show them exposes them wholly. I had a brother who copied my fathers behaviour and tried a manipulation technique he used, then when i didnt bite he got angry, waved a kitchen knife at me as he did so, i dont think he realised he had it in his hand, pointed it at me as he berated. Bang. Broke his nose. He never did it again.

[@MsYogiCat]

@@deadprivacy Love this story!

[@deadprivacy]

@@MsYogiCat Dont , iwas as bad as them at some points, worse because unlike a narcisissist? I wasnt in control ,didnt care whatever what people thought of me , and was the scapegoat amongst two parents and 5 siblings , with one other brother who isnt a narcissist. He is now trapped ,as the golden boy..playing along with the snides and the sarcasm..thats my biggest regret. And when you are outnumbered 6 to 1? Maybe 5? I dont really know my younger sister... For these very reasons... There was an incident qhen i hoofed a banister amd one of the pieces flew out. My little sister was in the room.. She was grinning in any case... Only a 7 year old But for years afterward ...the story was exaggerated to the point yhat " i nealy killed her" " She was terrified".. Just bullshit...bullshit so pernicious i think she actually believed it in the end... Im away from them all now thanks to the advice i found online...from dr ramani et al. But that disconnect of immediately being worried i had nearly hurt her or scared her...looking straight at her she grinned at me... Just a day or two later im being told "you really scared your little sister you know" Which was pure fantasy, just nonsense. There qere other moments too that were so expository i will never forget them. My brother had his first child... I went to see them... And my brother is feeding his kid ... My mum and dad are there ... And i look at my brother, hes sitting there,in a manner that hes "protecting" his kid, a feigned worried look on his face... Completely fake... Amd its not for me to see... Hes desperately looking to my mum and dad to notice this show...and we are all chatting and joking along with his missus who doesnt even notice....he keeps this up ages, i caught his eye amd just smiled... My mum and dad have me pacified, im genuinely there to give the kid a football. I dont know his kid and his kid dont know me, hes like 4 and hes fully focused on his food in any case....my brother has this pained and terrified look om his face the whole time im there... And i keep catching his eye? All quizical amd every time he sees me watching him he looks more worried as though soon my parents and his wife are going to notice how "scared" he is of rhe threat to his kid... Truly bizzare.... My folks are too busy to even notice him... He looked so disappointed by the end of the visit... But i know when i left of went out for a coggie hes laying it on thick hes scared for the safety of his kid.. Amd i know they were like... Oh stop it you knob when he did try and sell it. Fast forward to last year. Id made friendly with my folks a bit ,kids now 12 ,big fanily gathering where its small talk only and my parents can watch interactions for any sign of betrayal... And im kicking a football back and forth with my nephew all playing nice... But the looks my nephew qas shooting him? I rmemeber that feeling toward my own dad... This puzzled diagruntled rage , way more than just teen rebellion...as my borther scoffed his picnic food amd dismissed him at every turn with a note of "you are inconvenient to me right now" in his voice ... Like something out of a movie

[@Nutritioneats]

She’s the best of the best with a good heart and a real intention to help others in desperate circumstances. My salute to you being human with a purpose and do self reflect after that incident that is part of being human but definety not an asshole:)

[@stephanie3848]

Thank you for sharing this Dr Ramani. I think it took a lot of courage to share this. It helped me realize that we all have meltdowns sometimes. I had a meltdown years ago after a year of stress and I felt embarrassed about it. But this reminded me that everyone gets like this, good people, everyone. Thanks.

[@SELFTalkNarcisismo]

Hi Dr Ramani. I think you just were human. We all have bad moments. We are humans, not robots. And stress affects people in many ways. The fact that you are examinating and ruminating about it makes you more kind and aware rather than people who go right to sleep in the same situations. And the fact that you share it with us makes you more humble than any other author out there. There are people out there who speak about narcissism that seems that they never make any mistake. That’s not a good message for their communities or even realistic. So, yeah, I am glad and thankful that you show up like a normal human being, with values and moral code that it is difficult sometimes to achieve. And yeh, we all can have harsh responses in an stressful day. I think that the fact of reflecting on it, it’s a good sign ;-)

[@costelloandlizzievolk2233]

What a nightmare! You’re not an a**hole, you’re human and allowed to have limits and breaking points. A good reminder to me as I’ve been through severe stress, trauma and abuse and frustrated with myself when I lost it a bit or wasn’t my best self. Doing my best to forgive myself, heal and grow. Have to give ourselves grace. 😊❤️

[@Catawomb1]

This video makes me feel so much better as I always feel so much guilt when I am under stressful circumstances and not at my best. It shows me that it is human, and what matters is what you make of it on the long term. Toxic people don’t have these introspections and don’t go telling themselves that they had a toxic-ish moment. You are so not the asshole, thank you for everything 🙏🏻

[@yasmeen66]

Dr Ramani your teaching is precious beyond words You are saving lives 🌻 May God protect you and surround you by lovely people 🥰❤️🤲

[@LoriLCPC]

Grace to you! And Grace to yourself!!You are an amazing woman of integrity, strength, and courage! Thank you for sharing!!❤

[@suzannelehavi8414]

Firstly you are a wonderful kind extremely smart apathetic person, I’ve been following you for a few years, your a humble soul. Absolutely not a difficult person the opposite, spending all your time helping others and you sure do it with passion. Dr Ramani you are human, your were traveling for extremely heartbreaking circumstances. To go through that ordeal makes you even more human, we all have all these feelings of stress, exhaustion, overload of work and a clock ticking. Your a human it’s happens to everyone at some point. Cut yourself a break. Sorry about awful grammar and errors. Thank you so very much for all the support you put out.

[@edelweiss1389]

All of this tells me that you're as human as every other good person out there. Your experience just made me feel even better about myself, and to all of us who were made to feel a single stressful moment that caused us to react is/was our defining identity. You're amazing Dr. Ramani, and no one can take that away from you. This experience would've caused most of us to respond this way. When someone's able to reflect on their actions, take accountability, it speaks volumes.

[@dominiquelizarzaburu]

Doctor, I admire you profoundly, for the way you aknowledge your own vulnerability. Maybe it's not just rumination, you made a deep introspection about something that affected you and that is one way in which emotional intelligence works. That's what makes someone different from a narcissist: knowing that somehow we acted badly, assuming our mistake and doing the best we can after. Nobody is perfect, and that's what a narcissist won't and can't stand. I'm a psychologist and also been through narcissistic abuse, and I find beautiful that you assume with love that bad side of you. Self kindness and compassion is really needed, because we are used to people pleasing and, when we explode, we feel really guilty and project the narcissist blaming on us (it could happen in any aspect of life, as it happened in this car rental situation). You are not an asshole, you are just human ♥️ God bless you.

[@stephs8277]

I feel this to the core. I grew up in a Mexican household in the US. My mom is the one who takes on a majority of the planning and finances of the house. My dad rarely helps. My mom since I can remember has asked me to help her with customer service calls, paperwork and finances because she doesn't speak spanish. Keep in mind I am a shy anxious person and I have two other brothers but they never help (if anything they gave us more things to do). Anyways, I have definitely broken down and I have felt so dismissed. Sometimes I have dealt with rude employees that have left me feeling very angry, I either didn't speak up for myself or got totally dismissed. Then I get defensive and then hate myself for acting that way too.

[@cheemontoohema4804]

The fact that you realised you did something wrong and tried to make amends is awesome. Bravo to you 😊

[@michellejohnson390]

Maybe in that moment but never in general. We all can be assholes. Dr. Ramani is the angel a lot of us need. Thank you for sharing!

[@meganclark-hutchings7464]

We all have asshole moments, just like we all have sad moments, happy moments, scared moments. But one tired, overstimulated, burnout episode does not an asshole make ❤️ Thank you for also sharing how you learned from and made attempts to turn the situation around. We all get do-overs!

[@toniblodgett7775]

We all have those moments. Self forgiveness, sister! Thank you for this awesome post.

[@in8hope617]

Pure GOLD, everyone has been through this, and Thank you for sharing this story. It is the wrongness of how the people working were not doing their job, or just phoning it in, that gets me in these situations. I think of the other people that have been treated in a similar way, and the wrongness of it. Your comments on learning why we are upset, even beyond the situation, is key. Doing our best is all we have, and we can always learn how to do things better the next time, or understand why and what exactly got us going!

[@bjtaylor4191]

You are wonderful. I chuckle as I imagine your being "overly nice" the next day to make up for frustration. Humanness is appreciated--we have all been there.

[@ladyburke2803]

The fact that you can look back and self reflect and learn from it means you’re not an asshole. It shows you’re human and it was just a bad day. Happens to the best of us. Thank you for all you do!

[@blee9304]

When my ex made me exhausted both mentally and physically, sleep deprived, I would easily lose it. I would remind myself not to react, but it's very difficult when your basic needs aren't met ( low energy, tiredness etc).

[@pambelcher2857]

We always question our behavior. This is what sets us apart from the real toxic people. We aren't saints!! Thank you for all the help your videos provide me. Rest assured that you are not a terrible person, just extremely stressed in an unfortunate series of events. Thank you for sharing.

[@kkso3318]

I absolutely love this video! I love it because we ALLLL have days like this and it gives me a HUGE breath of fresh air to hear this. I believe it will make many survivors feel seen and heard! But I also love that you are owning that your behavior wasn't at your best in the face of a very difficult and extremely triggering situation. I love the conversation about needing to both understand that sometimes our behavior wasn't the best but also that we need to have kindness for ourselves alongside making reparations for our own behavior and also holding others accountable for their poor behavior.

[@momikal2238]

Dr. Ramani, I appreciate this post. I would’ve probably cried. We seem to think- when we see someone who is angry-that they go around like that all the time. We need to realize. Some are literally at end of their wits. I will try to remember this. I’m sorry to hear about your family member. I’m glad you made it to see them. Take care and be kind to yourself, dear heart. ❤

[@anngraziosi7504]

Everyone is entitled to be an ahole once in a while. I don’t know anyone who is perfect. Good for you! Sharing your imperfection and teaching the importance of self love and forgiveness. 👍🏼👏🏼♥️

[@lilijagaming]

I am really glad you made this video. It shows one thing that is kinda common among survivors - trying to control own behavior at all cost... not letting yourself to have moments of weakness... not letting yourself to show anger when we were wronged. I know for how long I did not want to behave towards other people like my father treated us. But that meant I've buried my anger and only had those moments of blow ups when I couldn't hold it in anymore (and I have gotten damn good at holding it in). The bottom line is that if someone asks themselves if they were an asshole that means they most likely are not. Assholes don't even take taking responsibility into account. In general I really try my best not to judge people's behavior as when it comes to stranger I really have no information to do so. But I admit, being raised in a household with a lot of shouting and blaming, my body reacts automatically when people behave that way around me even if it's not directed at me. So it's not like I wanna judge them but it's like my mind is automatically building all kinds of walls possible. Anyway, it is something I am still learning, that it's ok to be angry. And one cannot be sure that our anger will always be graceful. Sometimes emotions look ugly and that is life.

[@beingilluminous]

This highlights why mental wellness is so key... the tolerance/strength it takes to maintain kindness (as a skill set) is intense, especially in an "unkind" world... feeling unsupported/no one being able to "share the burden" (of the travel/the experiences) drives us all to be a bit of an "a*hole", and having that shared compassion is a key to personal evolution. Thank you for sharing.

[@gypsysoul4994]

Thank you for being vulnerable with us! Your honesty is genuine and what makes you our favorite role model! Big hugs! ❤️❤️

[@vanessabirrueta6972]

Thank you for sharing this. I think had i seen you that day, I would’ve assumed you were completely an entitled person, but I think anyone in your shoes would’ve felt similar and many (including myself) would have acted that way. I won’t say it’s justified to ever be rude to someone or yell at anyone, but in that sense of desperation, tiredness, and one small thing after another, I can definitely understand how one can be pushed passed their limits to this reaction. Again, thank you for sharing. I think most of us have experienced something like that at some point in our lives, and it definitely makes me want to remember to not be so quick to assume.

[@chrisspina6745]

Dr. Ramani, your a guiding light for so many. You are also human. Good people have bad days. Sometimes bad weeks, we always want to be our best thats what makes us good intentioned.

[@juliechen8710]

Thank you for making this video. It shows how much people who have been through abuse ruminate and feel guilty over the times we were not on our “best behavior”. It makes a lot of sense because we’ve seen too much of that narcissistic entitlement and anger to ever want to associate ourselves with them. However, I think in situations like yours, it’s understandable to be frustrated and angry. It’s okay, you don’t have to blame yourself or judge yourself harshly over it. We cannot be calm and nice all the time, but imo the difference is that we reflect on our outbursts to understand them and try to be compassionate to ourselves and others.

[@erockfreedom6399]

Absolutely not the a**hole. Your willingness to walk through every aspect of it, to get to that point, and ... You're human. It literally happens to me every day as I live in a hive of narcissists and I feel infected. And I feel like an a**hole, and sometimes I will say thing.... and also feeling like there's no way out. Long story. Sometimes your videos get me through. A lot of the time. That is something I feel very grateful for. It's your willingness to self reflect publicly and gratuitously. I tell ya, I was right on that journey with you. When you explained the context and the first two things happening.... Yeah, I got a way to go. Thank you for being you and helping me and so many others along this journey.

[@stephenbaldwin7165]

You're great. This helps me so much. You really know your stuff yet you are still human and willing to tell the world about it. Thank you for all the real world help you are giving to everyone.

[@Sirbeaufield]

Dearest Ramani…I think you’re human. Thanks for reminding us to be vulnerable and to own our stuff when we are not always a super hero. Although you are still one of mine. I learn so much from you. Thank you for being you and for being authentic. 😘

[@naanna90]

Dr Ramani, I applaud your vulnerability and honesty. Ugh, being human is a tough task. Good to know that even the experts have their human moments. Wish more people were so self-reflective!!