Was I abused? Childhood PTSD Info And Questionnaire

[@liv5477]

Me: *answers yes to every question* Also me: “I’m just being dramatic.”

[@zootmoe]

30/30 Me: "I'm actually good at something!"

[@theundyingcat]

*how do I know if I'm just being dramatic I'm scucjchhc I'm the worst mmsmsmsm*

[@jennarobinson4922]

Omg me too!! Smh...

[@mingakinsgibayuxds7542]

😏 exactly what I think

[@MrJodela]

Feel yah sis :( same here

[@calliet019]

I got 100% on this test! Hopefully my parents will finally be proud of me

[@holyheckinheckohheck]

Please seek help, hon.

[@safiabethune7976]

am i not supposed to laugh bc this was funny

[@darinasa4428]

Put 'er there! I got a 100% too yayyy

[@suryanarayanpadhi7591]

I can feel your pain. I am also on the same boat.

[@lghths]

💀

[@markmalinowski5951]

The moral of the story is: Get your life together before you bring kids into this world.

[@meganreesor6576]

Isnt that the Moral of every mental health story?

[@tapijtteef]

why even have kids

[@markmalinowski5951]

@@tapijtteef Don't.

[@Deeznutsin]

Rlly tho

[@prisma6799]

If people actually understood or knew about the psychological responsability of bringing someone into the world, the birth rates would reduce drammatically in a world wide scale.

[@ThisFragileBrain]

“I misinterpret everything.” “I’m overthinking it all.” “I’m being disrespectful to my parents.” “This is all in my head.” Amazing I can score 26 yes’ and STILL wonder if this is all true, or if it’s just me.

[@billyb4790]

Same here. Or like “oh everyone goes through this stuff”

[@Accyber]

"any more than five" //whole comment section starts to sweat

[@poop1004]

It just makes a lot of things make sense. I always had that "was it REALLY that bad?" feeling, 23/26 would say it was.

[@glenmarierioss6847]

me with 30: 👁👄👁

[@Indigo_404]

Me being told by a therapist that my mom abused me but still watching because I want to be sure I didn’t accidentally manipulate her into telling me I was abused: 👁👄👁📝

[@kentdi8366]

Funny! I think the same way

[@icefeather1128]

literally s ame

[@audreywilliamson8331]

Oh my goodness- SAME!!

[@nanciee2844]

If this ain’t me...

[@devyn5174]

Me! All the time. I love these communities. Make me feel less alone.

[@jessicaarana7637]

It’s funny how literally all the comments use humor to cope with trauma

[@sandi-midnight-mueller6550]

Sometimes I think it's the only way I stayed half way sane.

[@cocteautwin]

its funny because its the one way we feel like we can cope with our trauma without making others uncomfortable LMAO but u know what we are pretty funny ..

[@JohnSmith-td7hd]

@@cocteautwin Yeah does anyone really want to know how I'm feeling when they ask "How are you?"? I almost get excited because part of me thinks that someone finally wants to listen. But my response would take the rest of their day.

[@mikeexits]

Humor can help. It's a very beautiful thing. But a lot of what I see around the internet is incredibly sad. Partially because I can deeply relate to the hardship and immense frustration of it all, and partially because (having worked through my own trauma enough to feel like a totally different person today) I know there are so many productive ways to work with oneself and one's shadow that the vast majority of these kids/people are completely unaware of, and that a lot of them probably will never find out during their lifetime.

[@mikeexits]

@@cocteautwin It's funny to those going through it or being fresh out of that sludge. But to people who have mostly gotten through it and are on the other side (like me) it's incredibly sad. I went from laughing with it to feeling their pain with no laughter, so I speak from experience. Please don't take this as me talking down on anyone though. That's just how it makes me feel these days; knowing firsthand the kind of excruciatingly slow-burning debilitating pain (growing deeper as time goes on, so the slow burn is sort of exponential as well) that *SO* many souls are going through, knowing things that could potentially give them the tools they need to find their way out, but also knowing I can't help everyone and just see the suffering end. Not to mention that even if I tried sharing what's worked for me (and others I've shared with), a lot of them reject me so hard that it brings back that old pain in me. Watching someone lash out against the sincerely kind-hearted offer of a potential cure is just too horrible to stomach. I've wept for humanity many times and it hasn't gotten any less difficult to experience, as what some call an empath. Often times I just avoid reading these things because it hurts to see and think and feel on it. I love life too much to keep watching people suffer. I wish you all the best and much love. I hope you discover the best system/framework for *YOU* regarding introspection, shadow integration, re-discovering your truest authentic being, and navigating your way through life. You are not, have never truly been, nor will ever truly be alone. Count this comment as proof because I know your pain just enough to relate to, and by extension, deeply respect you. For those who are feeling somewhat lost and are of a spiritual inclination, I humbly suggest checking out some relevant videos on Ryan Cropper's channel. I guarantee you'll find *something* that really helps you. He has covered a lot, and goes deeper than most do. The best channel of its kind.

[@anitanuetzman4688]

After I added my score, my first thought was, ‘my mom would laugh at me if I said I had childhood PTSD.’ I’m 60 years old. She’s been dead for almost 2 years.

[@dogmouth4138]

I mean this respectfully, but was there any sort of relief that you felt after her passing?

[@lindseylowry6655]

Is it bad that my immediate thought to the tricky family was “wait, aren’t all families like that”?

[@Lila17_]

No there’s some good family’s out there but it’s rare. Sadly I don’t got one, I have a tricky family and what’s worse is everyone thinks my family is perfect because it looks good on the outside but it really ain’t.

[@HALEYBITCHELL]

I remember the first time I had this thought when meeting a friends family.. I was 19 when I realized it was possible to have a healthy family dynamic

[@hannanna1004]

its because my mom always tells me "stop being overreactive! every other family is like this!" and my dumbass believes her lol

[@valeriemoore2080]

My thoughts exactly

[@chuckyDLuffy]

SAME EHDHDHSS

[@arbys5896]

Just remember; if you ever think you're faking something, but aren't sure? Then you're not faking it. A faker knows when they're faking.

[@stalbee]

are u sure dho? like i get times where i just think stuff like "what if im just faking being sad" or "what if my parents are normal and im just soft or looking for attention"

[@mus_tard2183]

@@stalbee exactly! I often think that I'm trying to trick myself and it gets hard for me to know what my actual motives are.

[@JohnSmith-td7hd]

I met someone who thought she had almost every improvable disease. She was a weird kind of hypochondriac. I think the placebo effect made her believe that she was feeling the effects of all these controversial "diseases".

[@badgerfern6469]

Huh

[@billyb4790]

@@stalbeeyeah sometimes I think I’m just making it all up and that I’m a bad ungrateful person

[@amethystbangle5302]

“Any more than 5 yeses is concerning” Me with 25: yeah i’m overthinking it and no one’s gonna believe me

[@Void_Dweller7]

Yeah same. I had like 20 something yes’s a few maybes and like one or two No’s.

[@hw5062]

same I got 24 yeses and 3 maybes. nothing that bad even happened in my childhood and if it did I can't remember it anyway so there is no way it could be the route of these issues.

[@acount1]

I literally said yes to all the questions on the questionnaire 🙃 but my parents say I’ll get over it and I’m just a dumb teenager

[@BlazeHawkOfficial]

Yeah I had 28 and I think that exact thing. 🤣

[@chuckyDLuffy]

ME SJDJSJSJS

[@Solonneysa]

We need more examples, and discussion, of what it looks like to NOT be abused. I think a lot of outreach to the abused is great, but I think knowing there are people with actually reasonable upbringings, and what that looks like, makes a big difference. And no, not stupid TV dramas that pretend that families act a certain way. When my nephew turned 3, I had just moved back near my home town, so my partner and I could be closer to his family. His family is amazing, and well-balanced. The thing is, I guess it never really *sank in* until my nephew's birthday party. We were all standing around the cake, about 12 of us, and the kid wanted milk. His dad, my brother-in-law, got him some milk. The boy got excited about his cake piece (it had a huge lump of icing and he loves icing), and spilled his milk (it was "unspillable" cup but...you know. Kids. lol). I tensed. And then.... Nothing happened. Bro-in-law said "Uh oh! Let's fix it, Jake!" then gets up and gets him more milk, and cleans it up. My nephew is more careful with his next milk, and enjoys his cake. In my head I went - wait....no yelling? No punishment? No grabbing his hand and telling him he can't have more milk? ............ Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....!

[@ashtenchambliss284]

Those moments are so corrective. This guy has role plays where things are healthy actually, and he compares them side by side

[@rg1whiteywins598]

Yes, do true. Most of my friends were abused too, so I really have no clue except to say it was the opposite of the abusive junk.

[@zzulm]

Yes I hope we have more examples of healthy behavior one thing that helped me was to work on my controlling issues and in learning to receive this made space to let people with boundaries, compassion and assertiveness be part of my world.

[@billyb4790]

I never got punished but still scored about 27/30 on this thing. Wanna know why I never got punished? Because I was perfect. Wanna know why I was perfect? Because if I made one mistake I’d be kicked out of the house. Punishment would have meant she actually cared.

[@Didartie]

"anything above 5 is concerning" me with 28 yesses: 👁️👄👁️

[@sericarose1828]

Ditto

[@Didartie]

@@sericarose1828 hug?

[@brizzabear929]

I got the exact same number, omg..

[@Didartie]

@@brizzabear929 hello, my sister in pain

[@alexkim3794]

Yeah very close for me as well. I think it's time for a virtual hug everyone👐🙇‍♂️

[@mariamacias3214]

Sometimes I feel like my brain is just making up stuff so I can never really know if it’s true or not

[@mariamacias3214]

ahwwhhzh good advice thank you but it’s just hard to get over that hurt when I don’t even know what caused, I recently learned that it’s because of suppressed memories and that my body will reveal those memories when it’s ready so I’m just waiting again thank you 🥰

[@tapijtteef]

SAME

[@kirstinstrand6292]

We lie to ourselves. Who wants to feel that our mom's didn't truly want us? I'm still processing this reality. Too sad to express. How many will face such a reality? Get strong!

[@sorrybaeix6914]

Can

[@Long-mayshereign]

Me

[@its_me_the_redhead]

It is kind of stunning to me that anyone could have less than 5 yeses... which I suppose tells you something about my childhood.

[@Blueeyedconcubine]

Right thats what I was thinking lol

[@EB-fe2pr]

I had 27…

[@tivadar8300]

Me nervously laughing having no "no" answers 😬

[@bigpapamagoo8696]

Exactly. I was tallying up my yeses thinking ‘oh, I don’t have nearly enough to qualify, I bet.’ I had 23.

[@deebuckley4646]

All of them😢

[@greenpyroman]

Wow, Deeply concerning when I said Yes to all of them without hesitation.

[@itskindofemily]

Ikr some of them, he barely started talking and I was already like "yes" 😂

[@CM-jf1vx]

Oh, I got 29 - that might mean something but I'm sure it's not that b- "If you got more than 5."

[@ronnym.7501]

omg I was literally just about to post a very similar comment...

[@icantstopsparkling7450]

I was shocked. You're telling me most normal people don't have these issues??? They just vide?????

[@hah-no.]

IKR I was like a gotta 27 it can’t be terrible though- AnYtHiNg MoRe ThAn 5. …👀 💀 well. Might be time for sum counseling-!

[@parlinmains]

😬

[@itrashcant7947]

Anyone else feels bad that they scored high? I know my parents mean well but it's still upsetting.

[@aerin5276]

@F Karma thank you so much for this. i was really confused because i wanted to believe that the things my parents did to me was just for my own good but again at the same time, it scarred me emotionally..idk tbh, i should seek out for professional help once i get out of this house

[@sleepy.thehuman]

@F Karma well said. i constantly struggle with this.

[@MarsellaFyngold]

Anyone else low key didnt wanna watch this bc you thought oh i had a good happy childhood.....

[@Deeznutsin]

@@aerin5276 Same

[@Deeznutsin]

@@MarsellaFyngold me

[@RebeccaWhite30]

Not everyone has arguments with people in their heads?! 🤯

[@tlarson1977]

I know, right?!?

[@diane9247]

Lol!

[@Feet247]

That one I literally thought was normal like what?!?

[@TheFMAfanatic]

Yeah that was a surprise to me. I thought that was universal.

[@raine6621]

there were a couple where i was shocked that not everyone does that🤭

[@kilarthmac]

The fact that so many people here scored 20+ yeses and still think they’re being overdramatic really says something huh. Myself included.

[@starfruitdustc2385]

Me: I don't need therapy! Parts of my childhood sucked, sure, but it wasn't that bad! I'm fine! Everything is fine! Also me: scores 30/30 Well uh.... This is awkward.

[@jeremybusbee7799]

25. I feel the same

[@BlurryKnight78]

Wow I feel embarrassed cause me too. Well these next few years are going to get real personal again... but I think it's time lol

[@cloverkarume5708]

This is me with a score of 23 and am like ... I didn’t even know I needed this

[@cloverkarume5708]

@@BlurryKnight78 you will be fine

[@sparkie8278]

Exactly!!!!! I was just having this conversation with a friend yesterday! "My childhood wasn't terrible. It had some bad parts, but I don't blame my parents." And then I answer 27 yeses and 3 maybes!!!!!

[@confettiangelfoodcake]

to whoever reads this... notice how this video isn’t relatively new or anything, yet it continues to receive multiple comments as of today. so know that you and i are not alone and all of our thoughts are valid.

[@bleachespeaches]

Thank you.

[@alphanotmale1847]

ang SO TRUE!!!!!!!

[@ryn.999]

ang ❤️❤️

[@sandascubli3721]

Thank you❤️

[@AikaHanif25]

I got 29/30. My parents will still be disappointed I didn't get top marks

[@gabbylemii3884]

PLS I felt that My mother doesn’t accept a B on my report card. Legit if it’s the middle of the quarter or semester and I show her a 93, then she’ll be like “you should’ve gotten a 95” or something like that I’m sorry-?

[@CM-yb5cu]

Good one, even if its sad

[@ashleyammbo1191]

I see what you did there. Too bad your parents didn’t (and yes, this is an attempt at levity-not genuine insensitivity)

[@-.-8146]

@@gabbylemii3884 DUDE- me too. I had a 93 on my report card last semester and my dad asked why I didn’t have a 100. I have a 94 as my lowest grade and they asked why it wasn’t a 99. It took me a while to realize not everyone’s parents were like that. I blame them for my fear or failure 😗

[@gannjem]

Best comment, totally relate.

[@StoicWallflower]

Scoring high on this test is the ultimate " I won, but at what cost?"😂

[@lykkepilgaard1558]

😆 Thanks for making me laugh myself out of my shocked expression since "if you score more than 5..."

[@tinywalnut6337]

If my dad knew I was watching this video, he would laugh at me.

[@claudias2622]

Man I felt that

[@theredprussian3875]

And then call me stupid

[@thundermarchmello9473]

Oh my god, same...

[@InsertMyChineseUsername]

Same

[@dasbestgirlever]

Then tell me to stop crying while not addressing his own unresolved ptsd.

[@sarahkahle7041]

To everyone saying they got a relatively low score compared to the rest of the comments section: Firstly, people with functional families wouldn't even watch these videos, let alone comment on their low score. Secondly, people with high scores are much more likely to comment or for the comment to get to the top. And thirdly, just because your trauma is less severe than someone else's doesn't mean that you don't deserve or aren't worth getting help. Thanks for coming to my TEDtalk

[@veragirljones8039]

Thank you sweetie

[@astrobogie2096]

@@veragirljones8039 100% trauma is unique to those who experience it. it's not a contest, anyone with real empathy can see the impact of less "severe" forms of abuse, but we seem to have an imaginary scale of abuse for ourselves compared to everyone else, where things just weren't quite bad enough and we should be able to push through it.

[@kekokie]

Also, you can have a low score and the abuse still be very severe. You might for instance only have witnessed dysfunction between parents, but if that is often or severe enough, you really don't need anything else for it to leave a serious scar. And if you are at the beginning of trying to understand why you feel you were abused, you might not even register that your parent's constant small attacks on your other parent really were problematic, or the effect it has had on you. On top of that, you may not consciously remember it, while still having a very strong effect.

[@sarahrios990]

anyone just still in denial? "it wasnt that bad." "maybe i am exaggerating". .. idk. maybe it really wasnt that bad? other kids and people have it worse. 25 yes, 5 maybe.

[@Timblisi]

"It wasn't that bad." "Maybe I'm exaggerating." Technically, wouldn't that constitute gaslighting oneself? :) Mom taught me well! :)

[@annabollig6704]

I know right that's me right now and I got a 27 ☹

[@anoushkasingh2080]

And the worst part is you dont know if those thoughts are right or not.

[@Starrytchi]

i only had like two no's lmao...

[@Starrytchi]

@@Timblisi - ........yep

[@motherbear327]

Thank you for defining a tricky family. So many hidden abuses/neglect that aren't seen. Just "get over it" is what someone from this type of family gets a lot of. It only makes a person want to isolate more.

[@marioweber8714]

5???? 5?????!!!! I call bullshit! What kind of person has a score of less than 5 on this test???

[@peapotfairy]

Lol right? I got 24. No wonder this dude thinks childhood ptsd is underdiagnosed.

[@Thecolonelab]

@@peapotfairy it’s entirely possible I scored 1 on the test

[@peapotfairy]

@@Thecolonelab that's great! I am sure there are a lot of people like you. I just think that 5 is really low. I also think that if a score of 5 can be scientifically demonstrated to be a significant factor in PTSD, then this guy would definitely be correct when he says that it is underdiagnosed.

[@leemartin9156]

@@Thecolonelab Man are you lucky/fortunate!

[@Thecolonelab]

@@leemartin9156 I am! So thankful for my parents for providing me such a healthy and loving environment.

[@rapunzelmane9592]

Top Score: 30/30. First Prize: Therapy.

[@Traveller2016]

yeah me too, this video made a lot clear for me now.

[@nancywutzke5392]

AND.....A big giant box of PTSD!

[@jadaangelina6897]

30/30 Bonus points if you’ve ever had a therapist cry during a session with you

[@madaralivabrigmane7552]

@@jadaangelina6897 where can I get the price? We just bawled together 😂

[@Lina-cheese6788]

I got 26. The worst part is that it feels surreal that people don't reply yes to those. Somehow I still feel all of this is normal in every family

[@keremsozen380]

same here :(

[@tara34952]

Same here; I also scored 26 but I thought all those things were completely normal? Are they not?

[@zetazimmer4769]

Same. It’s hard to accept that no, “a lot” of kids didn’t have it worse than me.

[@jessicaeleanor6294]

I feel like this too. I walked out of an abusive situation last night, my parents got violent and explored in front of my partner and he just removed me from the house in the middle of a lockdown. My brain still fails to register emotion about the situation.

[@Thecolonelab]

@@tara34952 it’s really not normal

[@Writerchick17f]

The first time I went to therapy was because nothing bad was happening in my life (I had recently moved out of my family home) and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I didn’t know the feelings of safety and happiness and couldn’t process them. Know that you will be okay. Get help. It’s so worth it.

[@SquidwardTentacles225]

This video was made 3 years ago but im only seeing comments from a couple hours ago... are we all okay?

[@tara34952]

Idk, it just popped up in my suggested videos. Strange.

[@Rutabega_NG]

Just popped up for me. 29 out of 30...

[@coletrain546]

I think this is reccomended to people who found traumacore and other things of that nature

[@bonthebunnycat667]

@@coletrain546 I am not into traumacore and got this-

[@josefinejepsen1748]

We all survived 2020 and felt like we could do anything, also tackling childhood trauma

[@liljarantala9207]

"Any more than 5 points is sus, get help" Me, sweating with my 20+ points: **chuckles** I'm in danger

[@liljarantala9207]

I want to get help, but I'm scared of trusting people and being told that my problems aren't "severe enough". It's infuriating how only people who have very serious and obvious issues may or may not get the help they need and people with milder issues just get overlooked and told to suck it up.

[@amidia5384]

@@liljarantala9207 i'm so sorry for you, if you want to talk, i'm here *hug*

[@silverb7924]

Oh god I had the same thing

[@kallandracampbell2105]

@@liljarantala9207 I get what you mean. My family laughed off traumatizing events and my friends only want to hear happy news so leaves me without much. I do have a therapist but she hasn't quite caught on to the cptsd. However, I encourage you to try therapy. It's good to finally have someone listen to you, and give you feedback

[@liljarantala9207]

@@kallandracampbell2105 I used to have a really amazing therapist in middle school. But when I got to high school they didn't see a reason why I should ask for therapy anymore even though I told them that I was scared of becoming depressed again because my then best friend ended our friendship. I never asked the staff at my high school for help again after that out of spite. You don't want to help me? Fine, not like I'd want your low quality jpg help anyway. It was a lot of fun trying to balance between mental breakdown due to stress from school and at times downright suicidal thoughts (I don't handel loss of very important people well, I know that. No clue how to work on that). Thankfully, I dropped the fuck out and switched over to vocational college. I am very happy there and the councelor/therapist is really nice (I booked a time with her to half see what she was like and half to talk about a problem I had at the time). I'm slowly working through my issues on my own, so far so good. I make sure to really take my time with it and give myself the time I need to process some things and re-learn where and how to set my boundaries. I'm not as anxious as I used to, I don't focus on all the little things I could be doing wrong (I used to overthink even my own breathing or walking style at one point, now I'm teaching myself not to give a shit and to just do what feels right), and so on and so forth. I know I'll be okay at the end, I'm too stubborn to give up, I just need to take one step at a time and think everything through and figure myself out.

[@boopboop6379]

Growing up I always thought my family was "good" because there were no kinds of physical, sexual or substance abuse and my parents were superficially kind and supportive. Looking back I've realized that I spent a lot of my childhood being gaslit, having my emotions disregarded, having major elephants in the room, and being expected to be unconditionally parental and responsible as the oldest daughter. I was emotionally manipulated and my parents will never be able to see that because they thought raising a child "traditionally" was the right way. It makes me sad to realize how much shit I just accepted as a child, but I didn't know any better than to stand up for myself. Now it's time to pick up the pieces.

[@drumnbasskim]

Exactly the same. All that you just said. I'm 34 now & just given myself a "re-birth" as I call it & shed as many preconceived notions I'd become acquainted with from the parents as possible. It's a painful, chaotic undertaking.

[@sassyb.9928]

Same here...I didn't realize it was so bad till I was in my sixties. And now I'm 72 and STILL dealing with all the after effects. Tried therapy, self help books, etc. and yet I still have so many issues from my narc. mother. They are both gone, but left a ton of scars in the family which has now disintegrated. Oh well, I keep trying. Best of luck in your healing journey.

[@gkotta_kedamono]

Ohgod. I kinda see myself in this.

[@chrisgould101]

Me too man. We didn't know anything or how a family is meant to function. . We can learn now though and heal, from our past to a brighter future.

[@taom9004]

Same story, here, old as time. It wasn't until I had children myself where I looked back and gasped at how my parents treated me. We can't know what we don't know.

[@leothelard9916]

I appreciate adding more emphasis on the "tricky family" dynamic and bringing awareness to the fact that abuse is more nuanced than obvious signs of physical and sexual harm, but there has to be a different way at determining that. I can see virtually everyone answering 'yes' to almost all of these questions.

[@lyss9]

it feels so validating

[@tikusblue]

Yes I would have answered yes to a large amount of these when I was younger before working on my personal growth etc and IMO my family was better than average. I don't think this quiz is very accurate to labeling a family as toxic, or identifying your family as the reason behind the issues. I think many people would answer yes to many of these questions, they're so general and address common issues + beliefs.

[@scrampledegg-nj1bj]

this is like the first test I've gotten a A on

[@JJ-yr7po]

Thank you for making me laugh. I really needed some laughter.

[@scrampledegg-nj1bj]

@@JJ-yr7po :)

[@ladyem5741]

Oh.

[@lyric8529]

😢

[@joshsimms5697]

Ditto A+++

[@hamstersdailylife4938]

Definitely from a “tricky family” and that’s why no ones ever understood me before, glad I finally found this term. You’d never guess how many times I wished i was just beaten up or extremely neglected by my parents just so that I can explain my past to people in simple sentences and people would understand and empathize. I look to all the stories on social media about survivors of those typical abuse types, and they receive so much attention and kind comments so quickly. As a survivor of a tricky family, I envied them all the time.

[@bezetuba]

EXACTLY! I never realized and still can't acknowledge fully that my home was "tricky". Loving parents, great people, and yet still I am here at 16 points. This video helps. Therapy helps. Still, I feel guilty about judging them. It seems almost as it would be so much easier if that neglect was a physical "real" abuse or a complete lack of love, feelings. I feel you

[@hamstersdailylife4938]

@@bezetuba you need not to feel guilty for them. I consider my parents as criminals for giving birth to me when they didn’t have the emotional capacity to care for me. Frankly they were shit parents.

[@badgerfern6469]

Yes, that’s so true, and there’s a lack of resources for ppl like us as well

[@bendingbananas6540]

Omg same !! I found it especially weird that id even wish for them to just do something as simple as beating me up or neglecting me just to make things easier for me to explain but obv thats fucked up and i shouldnt say that...and yet i still feel miserable? Like, my family does not deal with any substance abuse, domestic violence or anything like that. Instead, its the subtle lack of emotional support and the neglect both present and from the past

[@euphoniahale5181]

MN I do get that. Frustrates me totally when I hear comments like “your mom is soo nice”. And I think in my head “that because you didn’t have to grow up with her “.

[@SimplypaperDIY]

No, you are NOT being dramatic if you answered a hell lot of yeses. Those wounds, those scars, those feelings and emotions are coming up to the surface. And it's good because you have just crossed the first stage of healing, i.e., AWARENESS that you actually have suffered. Let's heal together guys. ✌

[@riyasinha8921]

Thanks a lot ❤️❤️ I don't know why your comment gave me relief .... 😔

[@SimplypaperDIY]

@@riyasinha8921 i'm glad it helped!

[@riyasinha8921]

@@SimplypaperDIY 🥺🥺❤️❤️

[@nanytorres1504]

@Paperdiaries Same, thank you!!!

[@SimplypaperDIY]

@@nanytorres1504 most welcome!

[@tenderhearted2886]

The term “Deceivingly Emotionally Dysfunctional” says it all…Thank you for such valuable info. Society needs it.

[@Kimberlytan99]

hey mum and dad i got a full score for once in my life

[@Goldberry2007]

Wow. Your comment got me all teary. I have different issues but sincerely feel for you. Big hugs.

[@pandalorehub]

what the hell. Do I have an actual personality or just a collection of ADHD and PTSD symptoms.

[@fairydreamz]

Me llamo es Panda 😂

[@somerandommusicloverwv8617]

I relate so hard to this! 😂🤦🏻‍♀️

[@Find-Your-Bliss-]

Look at trauma before personality d/o. Horses, rather than Zebras.

[@TRUNDNBLING]

☹ Ikr

[@tuesdaynyx]

Same

[@pandapearl385]

My dad apologized for "All the things I did to you", but I have no memory of him doing things to me. I have big gaps in my memory where months and years have gone by and I dont remember a thing. My teachers at school called a meeting because they were concerned about me. All of my teachers and my parents showed up. My art teacher asked me in front of the whole group if I was being abused. I replied that no, I was not being abused. My dad was grinning from ear to ear. I do remember being on a family vacation and my dad tried to get in bed with me. He was naked. I fought him off and the next day tried to tell my mom. She pinched my shoulder with her fingernails so hard she drew blood and told me that was a lie and never to say it again. My dad was an elder at our church. At his funeral dozens of people stood up to describe how kind and generous he was. I just sat there in disbelief that people would remember him that way. Just thinking about him brings waves of nausea.

[@VengefulPolititron]

I'm so sorry.

[@mri.ana444]

I'm really sorry you had to go through that

[@MrMiles246]

Im sorry you had to experience that.

[@stephanievitale1482]

So sorry you had to go through that. I have huge gaps in my memory also. I always had a feeling something happened with my stepdad but didn’t remember till a few years ago. And new memories come up till this day. It comes up when you start to feel safe again.

[@shroukeladawy4310]

I wish you all the best in life, dear

[@anettevazquez6554]

One time I told my therapist that I wasn’t being physically abused but that they would humiliate me, and say hurtful stuff and that why I ran away at 15, after this she told me “sounds like you’re just privileged, a lot of kids have it worse than you” since then I haven’t reached out to a therapist

[@PotatOstrich]

Hey, Anette I feel sorry for what you went through, it must be really tough. I know it must be hard to keep trying reach out for help when the people who are supposed to offer professional help end up making our situation worse. But here I want to encourage you to keep trying other therapists cause it kind of is a matter of opportunity. The more you try the more chances you're gonna find the right therapist for yourself. And during the process, it could be really scary but also you'll learn more about yourself which will lead you to the right therapist. At least that's what I learn. From my own experience, I will change my therapist once I don't trust them anymore. Before ending therapy with them, I will discuss why I can't trust them anymore with them and if their response can't win back my trust or at least ease my doubt a little bit then that'll be the last appointment I had with them. And now I've been having therapy for more than a year and a half. I think my biggest takeaway is life's probably all about making decisions and seeking explanations. Before starting my first therapy my biggest fear was “what if the tears I cried for what I've been through will never get dry, then what's the point for all of these?”. And now I still cry for the things I went through, but I think I'll be alright with all these scars because I learn that I might be stronger than I thought. Even part of me is really really really sad and that part of me might never change, I'm still gonna be alright. If you keep trying, I believe you'll gradually find yourself being in a better place. Hope this comment can give you some strength.

[@NotBella360]

I blame myself for not getting the proper help I needed because I would say to people that I wasn’t necessarily abused. I like to say I was mostly emotionally neglected but I definitely experienced physical and verbal abuse but I consider it was very very little and not that big of a deal so I think others don’t find my case as serious bc I emphasize more topics of emotional neglect because I feel more comfortable discussing those things but I also think I was misunderstood or lost opportunity to get the help I needed. I left home at the same age. But I also heard similar things from people and mental health professionals because of this. I blame myself for not being a good advocate for myself.

[@itskindofemily]

That's rough. I promise not all therapists are like that and there are good ones out there!!!

[@sylviebaker1574]

im so scared that one day my child is going to be sat at their computer crying at 5am wondering why theyre so messed up in the head like i am now

[@chrislawuk]

The fact you worry about this at all is a very positive sign for your child’s present and future IMO. I’m sure you’re doing better than you think you are. Just remember to communicate and be there for them - whether that means providing active support, or them just knowing they can come to you when they are ready.

[@nebraskamax1476]

This is one of the many reasons why I choose not to have children. It's valid.

[@clairesaunderson3483]

Sylvie Baker, you are probably like me, I worry sometimes I am not a good parent and but no one could love their kids more, I am a very conscious parent, I get accused all the time that I am too involved in their lives, I should ease up now they are 20, 18 and 15 but they are forever my babies. I am apparently hyper vigilant, but I know all my childrens friends, I know their concerns and I have always told them no matter what they can come to me and I will listen, I may not be happy about the situation eg, drugs, gambling, pregnancy whatever but together we can work through it. And my kids are amazing kind and beautiful caring human beings, that I have brought into the world with the help and support and kindness of my beautiful husband. and the only thing they want to talk about is their crush or first kiss ever at 18, thats when I feel I am blessed. Had the usual teenage problems of anger, frustration, defiance and ignorance but on a whole they are really truly good people, who I adore and still love to spend time with us oldies. xxx

[@bsvc]

Don't have a kid

[@sylviebaker1574]

Pyro bruh

[@ryanmalone8563]

“Any more than 5 yeses-“ Me after answering yes to every single one: 👁👄👁

[@troymihoyminoy3889]

uhhh yep me too

[@ellareed793]

Me reading the comments before taking the test: Huh, I probably will have more than 5, maybe 10 or so. Me after answering yes to every single one: 👁👄👁

[@ashleyharrison1009]

I literally wrote my answers down, just in case I had to add them up. Then he said, "If you have more than five yeses..." Writing it down was a waste of time, lmao 🤣 (Considering I had 22 confirmed yeses and 29 yeses and maybes 😆)

[@badgerfern6469]

😂

[@Bubblime]

I never realized I was abused until 5th grade when I first went to a friend's house. Seeing their family getting along and being nice really opened my eyes to the truth of my experiences and that really changed me. I'm still a kid living in my parents' house and sometimes it really does suck but I'm hoping it gets better for me and anyone else.

[@sujanashrestha1055]

I have a big family and its not exactly my parents but my grand parents were the problem and disaster of our family. Constant conflict between my mom and grand mother and mom almost left my dad because of our grand parents. Mom was agressive and would unintentionally take her anger out on me because of everything. My dad loves us but can't leave my grand parents coz he is oldest. Here, Grand parents house are usually their oldest son's house sighhhh the point is i also thought this is normal like in every family but when i saw other's family i was already questioning why is my family like this? isn't this normal?

[@jayp.6145]

I pray that you will be strong enough to be a survivor, and I feel like you are. If you have a negative attitude, that will make you weak and you'd be a victim. Please maintain a positive attitude, do it for yourself. It's worth it, I promise

[@ashleyharrison1009]

I'm in a similar boat. Seeing my friend's parents play a card game with him and me was really bizarre to me, in fact 😅. But stand strong my friend! You're not alone!

[@Bubblime]

Thank you guys so much!! I hope you all are able to cope and survive

[@JohnSmith-td7hd]

I had almost no friends growing up, so I didn't witness any healthy family dynamic growing up. I was like 30 when i finally saw a parent interact with her young child playing without hogging all the legos or criticizing or telling him what to build, etc. I think she just asked what he was building, and sat and watched and my eyes went wide.

[@franzi6823]

I am from a tricky family. When I heard about childhood abuse and neglect I always thought: "It was not that bad in my family". This kept me from seeking help or helping myself "looking in the right direction". Thank you deeply for pointing out, that in our culturally think of extremes and forget about the "little" things that are not so obvious.

[@wheatenrose2340]

The problem with this quiz is the assumption that the abuse is by a parent. We often sideline/forget that abuse can also be done by siblings or grandparents or other family members. I think it should be changed from "parent" to "family member" or something similar

[@taom9004]

He has a video on sibling abuse.

[@didyouwashyourlegstoday3601]

and also by school. bullying is a form of abuse. and teachers as well as the system can wildly affect a student's confidence. they may not be family but childen spend the majority of their time there and deserve to be treated just as seriously.

[@armitagehux8190]

I'm so deep in sh*t that I can't imagine someone having less than 10 yes

[@graver0bbery269]

same??

[@lilscooter93]

on like every other one i was like "yeah, but everyone does this, right?... right??" right???

[@Tiwazzz]

@@lilscooter93 I feel this

[@captain_avery_646]

Right! Some of those things have to be normal! They can't not be normal.

[@darkshadowjoselynedelgadil8671]

i literally identify so much with this, how can we be so fucked up that we can't even imagine someone else being fine?

[@Carols989]

11:51 looking at all the yeses and maybes.... lmao anyone else felt guilty putting to many yeses like you are trying to get the diagnose and is just like "no no, put more maybes, stop lying to the online quiz even though you are not lying"

[@romem1952]

Someone put it into words! I'm always feeling like I'm overreacting or making it out to be bigger than it is to be some sort of victim when I know that I'm not

[@geovanagodoy2038]

I did...

[@Incrypt3d]

Yea

[@sashak109]

@@romem1952 OMG SAME

[@sashak109]

Literally me

[@azalea1404]

I find it deeply concerning that more than 63,000 persons have given this a thumbs up. These generally indicate that Patrick made a great and very informative video, which indeed he did. But it may also suggest that all these 63,000 persons have been subject to abuse and thus find Patric's info relatable. If so, this number is in fact an indicator of how prevalent abuse actually is. That it is a cultural / national - perhabs even a global problem - and it should be addressed as such by education and prevention.

[@amanpreet1111]

i choked when he said “if you got more than 5 yeses talk to a specialist” i got 24😭

[@Thejxns]

Same!

[@hanakoskokeshidoll]

sAME-

[@slgg0818]

SAME 💀💀🙏

[@amanpreet1111]

hahah rip us 😭

[@Deeznutsin]

Njsjdbxjsbs I got 27

[@callmethecoolestduckontheb5358]

I remember having a fight with my friend about what ptsd is, they said it has to be “actual trauma” things like watching your family get blown to pieces by bombs, and I was so fucking pissed cause that’s acting like all the other traumas and things aren’t important or that bad. Please remember that even if you haven’t dealt with the worst of the worst doesn’t mean you haven’t dealt with something that affected you.

[@someundeadtalent2016]

Tysm! A person I know told me last week that I should "get my act together" because I only had depression and some issues with confidence while she was lit on fire and still got confidence. But honestly. Her behaviour kinda speaks some words about her very own and very real struggles lmao.

[@shirleegraham9378]

Hugs and Love I hear you loud and clear.

[@tink6225]

such an ignorant world view😒 it's things like that making me doubt if my trauma was even that bad or make me feel that I'm faking my mental illness

[@noctuaryfahy1509]

sometimes i wonder if I'm even ALLOWED to have trauma, but then i remember the fucked up things my dad used to tell me as a kid

[@agnieszkaaaaaaa]

"I tend to get through things rather than fully experience and enjoy them." My whole life in a nutshell. At least so far.

[@billyb4790]

Seriously. I recall so many times asking myself “is it over soon?” Despite it was something I was ENJOYING.

[@cosmicmuse2900]

Him: "Any more than 5 yes' needs a skilled Childhood PTSD therapist." Me looking at my sheet reading 26: *I need GOD*

[@onlyhuman5669]

Relates in Indian

[@1964_AMU]

Joining the Baha'i Faith helped me to find out what is integrity, trust, love and friendship, BUT did not help me with panic bouts, anxiety, self-isolation, danger blindness and other destructive behaviors. I have done two therapies that really worked on the bigger points. I am going to do another therapy to try to get rid of social avoidance. My Baha'i friends are not helpfull at all with my problems, although I appreciate them a lot. Praying God everyday and trying to elevate your mind is a start, not an end.

[@solarvoid1006]

me with 28, relatable

[@jaytea4390]

@Brady Hastings funny thing is, I was raised in an atheist family, and I also suffered from abuse. When I converted to Christianity, I took great comfort in God as my surrogate father almost. The thought that somebody could love me no matter what I did helped me so much when I was essentially raised to think that all love had to be conditional and earned and that I hadn't 'earned' it. Not to invalidate your experience at all and it makes me so sad to see people distorting God's teachings and breaking Jesus' commandment to LOVE THY NEIGHBOUR. You are valid and I'm so glad that you're getting help and support now. But just to put out there that religion =/= abuse and making my own choice and following Christ has been a huge help for me dealing with my abuse. It's all about breaking free from your oppressors, whether that's a religious family or an atheist one.

[@raine6621]

@@jaytea4390 i’m glad that you were able to find comfort. it might just be that people who grew up religious were shown the harsher sides and therefore leave and can’t do it. me and a few of my friends are like that. it also might be how we interpret what religious figures say, like how in people who were raised religious and were abused know to look for the nagative and brace themselves, but those who weren’t raised with religion and were abused see it as comforting and unconditional love. i find it really interesting and i am happy that you find religion comforting and supportive, because that is what it should be

[@rebeccaemily6294]

Definitely in a "TRICKY" family. Everything always looked great on the outside and I was even told how *lucky* I was to be raised the way I was ( in such a good family), how this is the best years of my life etc,. Which was awful for my mental health as a 12 year old, who in hindsight was, depressed, anxious, had panic attacks, and struggling with my sexuality. I know I've got to talk through my trauma but honestly I just so happy to be an adult, away from my toxic family, and starting to live my life at least partly how I want. I have really bad abandonment issues thought, and it makes it impossible to let anyone get close.

[@whaleyou]

glad u left them im happy for you.

[@kylewilliams8114]

Same here, everyone loved my dad and talked about how lucky I was to be his son. I hated him when I was a teenager. What you described is me as a kid. I hope we can manage to get through it too find the happiness and love we need.

[@ANON_YMOUS1111]

Telling you how lucky you are is a red flag to me.

[@owounkown3808]

I am person in a family with someone Heavily struggleing any advice? For more info just try and find my comment.

[@thatmash2324]

This shows me that many people have to deal with ptsd from their childhood, making me realize that no one really has a “normal” childhood. the standard is the minority, the majority have some ptsd from their childhood because being in a partnership, having a child and being a parent is difficult and there is no way for all people to go through these years with each other without having some sort of conflict or negative impact on a biologically and psychologically impressionable being (a child). If anything this makes me realize how malleable humans are and how despite the extremeties we often fall into similar patterns of behavior

[@TheEmilie1996]

THIS was the comment i was looking for - completely agree

[@scottieboy5429]

Don’t be discouraged by the big amount of ppl scoring high in the comments as if it’s a misdiagnosed trend, we’re here for a reason and it’s the title. We all know, we just want proof we’re not crazy.

[@SicYennefer]

OMG, such a good comment. Yes, we are NOT exaggerating!

[@zvnpek_]

🧡🧡🧡

[@chazdomingo475]

I'm definitely crazy. I already knew that.

[@billyb4790]

The cynic in me says this is just a ploy for the therapist to get more clients.

[@MewenPng]

Show me a human who's got less than a 5 points. I refuse to believe that the person like this exists

[@mercurycure2842]

Frrrrr

[@AlexCruz-fm6fe]

Exactly! Like- Who is this perfect human!?

[@inirafitzpatrick315]

I feel you sis, some of these seem like trick questions

[@ashleyammbo1191]

@kihroudy in fairness to the Author, the apparent intent of the video is to encourage people to look for help with “a skilled childhood PTSD therapist”.

[@CatBarefield]

I’m told there are some people who are... *looks at notes* loved and wanted by their parents? Probably helps? Lucky them

[@laytonpro8655]

Soooo, there are people out there who DON’T have fictional arguments in their heads???👀

[@crispymattu9286]

IDK???

[@caspianhardin7521]

???? How?

[@annideer]

I don't actually but don't worry I have at least 27 other things

[@sassyb.9928]

LOL....right? I've had some good ones and of course, that's when I have great responses to their BS!!

[@ecmelkabasar3928]

I literally stab people in my head

[@gaillewis5472]

Children aren't houseplants and need so much more than food, clothing and shelter to thrive. I'm so glad that childhood PTSD is being addressed with tact, kindness and proper narrative.

[@zvnpek_]

This is so reassuring and the first time I feel understood. I always thought in these extremes but that's also due to therapists who talked in extreme terms. Also I have this deep impression that therapists often don't get how much some things affect me because I'm eloquent and self reflected. But it was always an issue, that I acted too mature to be seen. I feel stupid because I'm 24 and these things happened in my childhood and teenager years. I feel like that I am supposed to be "over it". I'm not.

[@Jess-kn8vl]

Im 41 and just started to process it a few years ago. There is no timeline!

[@bubblysodaa7115]

Same here I get triggered

[@XofHope]

This is so important! Especially the part about what I call "soft" abuse, when a family does seem normal on the outside but still manages to be quite dysfunctional when on their own. In a way that's even worse, because no one understands why the kid's depressed, you're just a stupid emo, you have it all so why are you complaining, etc. You end up even more isolated and alone because there really isn't anyone you can turn to and may very well end up thinking you're the bad person, the wrong one and shouldn't even talk about it. However, also need to point out that a tendency for self reliance, isolation, etc, may be character trait due to deep introversion and perfectly natural for that person. Let's not pathologize introversion, it has been done enough and with results that border on... well... abuse.

[@yavrum22]

Wow so on point thank you 🙏 Things are perfectly clear now. I tend to isolate and keep to myself so very often. But now 2021 with all the current circumstances… Do you know what I mean… Staying home months and months of isolation doing Inner work the breakthroughs are coming daily. Your comment has been extremely helpful thank you 🙏

[@yavrum22]

Patrick Thank you so much for all the information you share with us it has helped me tremendously

[@monochromedream-eatingbaku]

Deadass. People always think that I'm lying or that I'm trying to slander my mom when I talk about the things she does and did when I was a kid (the funny thing is that I often don't mean it in a bad way because those things are just...normal QuIrKy stuff to me, you know?). They say "But she looks like such a nice and friendly lady! She's successful! She goes to the mental health committee meetings every time!". Like yeah, not every jerk looks like a jerk.

[@backup8767]

Yes

[@rhubarbbikini3794]

Has anyone ever had a talk with one or both of your parents where you are telling them how horrible you feel in your head (self harm, suicidal thoughts/urges, supposed mental health issues, etc.) and they start telling you how there are starving kids in Africa (or something) and it just makes you feel guilty and even worse than you already were? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I understand that there are kids that are a lot worse off than others and I care about that, but It always makes me feel guilty and uncomfortable. All I want is some help and support, Mum!

[@idasvensson7373]

him: if you have more than fives yeses you may want to talk to a childhood PTSD therapist me having 25: bitch what

[@thecurrentmoment]

you need to talk to 5 therapists

[@thatswhatisaidCA]

LOL. I had a similar reaction (I got 25 too). I guess we're off to finding a therapist then! Good luck to you! Let's do this. :)

[@idasvensson7373]

@@thatswhatisaidCA haha yeah

[@satvrnofficial]

i got 25 also (27 if u count my maybes)

[@skerethot4680]

i got 20..,. i can’t believe it bc i thought my childhood wasn’t all bad like other unfortunate ppl’s were....

[@nunyabusiness6450]

Essentially if you felt the need to click on the video, you score fairly well.

[@Nick07900]

I thought the topic was rather interesting, and it was on my recommended

[@briannamccray7947]

@@Nick07900 Can i ask what u got?

[@katerinarodo1278]

i am and am not shocked. i pulled up the whole questionnaire. got 56 out of 60... have always been made to feel that my trauma "isnt traumatic enough". i literally have no words

[@liptoncunningham6666]

I had 43 "yes" responses before I started therapy a year ago. I'm at 14 now. I will continue working on my past for the rest of my life. Wish the folks who treated me badly were in a place to pursue change like this, but that's on them. To the rest of you trying to get better; keep watching videos like this, keep journaling, pursuing talk therapy, meditating, whatever it takes to heal your mind and spirit. The work will pay off. It'll be so gradual you won't even notice it, until something happens and you react in a better way than you did in the past.

[@t-bonesteak3283]

"When things are going well, I don't trust it" hit me deep

[@hejiranyc]

I'm 51 and I think I'm finally grappling with the non-existence of my life. For the longest time I thought it was normal to have parents who beat up kids when they were misbehaving and having unemotional, distant, disciplinarian parents who never showed or gave affection/affirmation. My sister, who was killed when she was 34, similarly failed to develop a life and was a chronic underachiever despite having graduated law school. All arrows point to childhood PTSD, which was there in the family the whole time, hidden in plain sight. When you have food, clothes and a warm bed to sleep in every night, one tends to assume that everything is okay when it really isn't.

[@jennyargyropoulou4911]

This was very therapeutic to validate my childhood experiences because my family wasn't "that bad" but as i m growing older and seeing other people's families i m realizing that it was great either. My score is 26/30

[@morgynlau]

I almost cried when it said “medical issues” with a wheelchair. My older brother got cancer at the age of ten. I was neglected as his needs and issues were much more important than mine. I was alone majority of the time from age 7-10. I had to take care of myself because my dad worked 2 hours away from home and my mom stayed in the hospital with him. I grew up quickly and actually preferred being alone than with my family. I knew that my brother needed the attention, and that it was very serious and scary for my parents. I understand. So then why do I feel like this? Why do I, to this day, resent my brother? It wasn’t his fault, he doesn’t understand why I treat him like shit. But neither do I. I feel like I can’t breathe around my family and I never understood why. We’re a close family now, but we’ve fallen in and out in the past. I never thought anything was wrong and that it was just “me being me”, but I got a 19 on the test. I never questioned anything until now, I just thought I had depression or something. But now, I’m not so sure. So, do you think you could help me? And if you read all that, then thank you for listening to my problems

[@mirimiriela480]

Even if your parents had good intentions, they were not attuned to your emotional, developmental, and physical needs, and that's neglect. Even if there is a reason for it that seems like a really good reason, neglect is still neglect. And even if they had been attuned to your needs--it can still be very traumatic for everyone involved when a close family member has scary experiences with poor health. I'm sorry that happened to you. You deserve healing.

[@waywardplanet]

Me: I bet 24 as a total is going to be just barely below the criteria range “Any more than *five yeses* points to it being worthwhile-“ UH OH

[@jackquinby6810]

I got 23 and that was my exact reaction- shit.

[@sjhddhdhs]

25 👁👄👁

[@mistkitty88]

“I can have fights or arguments with people in my head.” Me: Doesn’t everybody? Turns out, no. Looking at the comments I see some people answered less than 5 with yeses and maybes. It feels surreal to know not everyone answered yes to that question.

[@naomiminame6855]

I'm feeling very uncomfortable about how often I casually talk about this thinking it's universal.

[@fallenlotus9572]

It's painful. Sometimes the arguments from past conflicts are replayed in the mind on an endless loop, and we reflect on what could have been said at the time. Mental scarring is real.

[@-Etsu-]

I can’t fathom getting 5 or less yeses and maybes. I didn’t get a single no.

[@sleepwalking3345]

@@fallenlotus9572 yeah ive cried myself to sleep more often than i would like remembering past arguments that constantly loop

[@sonja5058]

News to me! There's so many posts online with people talking about hashing out past arguments too. It is very hard to fathom that there's people that don't do that.

[@janicehoff2865]

I knew I didn’t feel loved as a kid, however I answered 26 yes’s. My childhood was f’d up. No wonder I’m a control freak (with myself although my kids say it doesn’t end there). Always feel responsible for the mood of others. I was an overachiever in school trying to get attention without luck, so at the end of 6th grade I quit giving/or sharing my grades - they never asked not even at HS Graduation, which they didn’t attend. I was on the Honor Roll, taken advance College classes at UC Berkeley without their care or acknowledgement. Whew - That feels better

[@Amabadam]

You should be so proud of yourself! You deserved for sure parents that acknowledged and appreciated your effort and intelligence.

[@jinxinvixen]

I usually stay out of the hellscape that is the KZbin comments section, but I had to say this: THANK YOU. Thank you for this entire video, but more importantly, thank you for elaborating upon the nuances within the ACEs test, and for stating what I wish was a more widely accepted FACT that *corporal punishment is child abuse.* So many people I know are either in denial of the fact that they experienced physical abuse (because "it was just punishment, I deserved it" or "spanking doesn't really count; it has to be harder than that") or the fact that they're in very real danger of becoming child abusers themselves, i.e. "I was spanked as a child and I turned out fine!" If you were hit as a kid and you think it's okay to hit kids now, *you are anything BUT fine, and you need to acknowledge that before you hurt young ones that shouldn't be anywhere near you.*

[@SceneNerd]

On god my mom would beat my ass with a wooden spoon or if she didnt have it on her and she wanted to vent her anger immediately she would just hit me wherever is closest to her. This is the exact reason why i dont ever want to hurt my children when i have them. Id rather find a healthy way to tell them from right and wrong.

[@moonchild6352]

Idk what to think about that comment oh god My father used to hit me when I was younger and I still get nightmares over this But for some reason I can't see it as abuse, like he never hit me without any reason (even if they were stupid) so I kinda feel like he just didn't know how to raise a child or idk I still hate people who do that and would never do it with any kid though

[@sameenshaw9670]

Any more than FIVE yesses???? Who in the world is THAT emotionally stable!!!???

[@anechkagee5372]

lol! I was wondering that too. I assume that everyone is more or less similar to me, but... I guess not? But I am still wondering if that could go up to 10 or something, 5 is a low threshold.

[@patriceq_18]

As I was answering “yes” to almost all the questions all I could think of was my mom telling me “I don’t know why you’re (me and my brothers) so depressed and sensible, if you had a relatively good childhood”... now everything makes sense.

[@manyfrogs]

Sounds just like my mom too!

[@MadEyeMitja]

That's so relatable. I love my parents to death, but they should've gotten their shit together before deciding to start a family lol

[@joannafinley7362]

Same

[@robertpepper5256]

The moral of this story is people are people and you cannot choose your parents. My partner and I, in the healthiest relationship of our lives, struggle with the results of childhood trauma but we are also really good for each other we met each other later in life. Btw we yessed 30 and 28 respectively, and with tears in my eyes I am grateful that someone has taken time to put words to these experiences for me.

[@katherinestahl7641]

This was really validating. I think it can be easy to minimize or invalidate yourself when you've dealt with a "tricky" family experience because it doesn't always match up with how we are taught to view "abuse." I really think this just speaks to how prevalent trauma is. The fact that dealing with a "tricky" family can feel normal speaks volumes.

[@raymieblue]

Here's a point a lot of people miss. Childhood PTSD sometimes has nothing to do with the parents. Or the adults. But the siblings/cousins/ and people your age behaving in a psychologically damaging manner. Putting it out there. Because It took me a long time to figure it out considering I have the BEST parents in the world with an amazing amount of support from my mom especially.

[@chrispham4347]

I never thought of it this way, but this is a good comment that should be seen more

[@Rumico]

"I can have fights or arguments with people in my head".... oh no... I thought everyone did that...

[@JJ-yr7po]

me too. Is there anyone that stays calm in his head? Oh, my god...he is in heaven!

[@karla31092]

This questionnaire actually helped me see how far I've come in my healing. 18 year old me would've answered yes to most of the questions, but 32 year old me has healed 75% of them. Thank you 🙏

[@ericray7173]

The test everyone passes.

[@catie5939]

I've known for so long that my family wasn't healthy, but I have a low ACE score and a lot of therapists won't take me seriously bc my abuse stems largely from religiously motivated trauma and extreme emotional neglect. But damn, I got 29 Y's and 1 N. Your terminology around tricky families is so fucking validating I don't even have words for it. When you were explaining the difference btw blatant abuse and a tricky family, I couldn't believe you pinpointed fundamentalism as a cue towards trauma. It feels incredible to see therapists recognizing these things. I'm really grateful for your channel. 💜

[@yoshistover5881]

It feels crazy that someone can have less than five. I can't even imagine that kind of good life to be honest.

[@mcstarrrrr]

IKR IMAGINE

[@solarvoid1006]

me toooo like, are some people that lucky??? okay nobody can have that good of a life (i have 28 and im 14 and still live with them)

[@TraceLight]

Yoshi Stover isn’t that just normal childhood? The tf has less than 5 yeses, that’s not possible

[@yoshistover5881]

Welp I'm hoping were just the sad small portion of people with pathetic parents.

[@mariekay.]

Man this comment section is so sad. The fact that so many people can't think of a life with 5 or less yes's to these questions is just really sad..

[@fabuloussloth8670]

7:44 Emotions were ”too difficult/too painful” and I was ”oversensitive” (Autism/ADHD).

[@andreaswag2012]

Literally hate when people deny their childhood-abuse because the parents we're doing the best they can. Both can be true!!!!!

[@annerittwage1401]

I had a discussion with a person who has BPD the other day (I too have BPD) BPD typically develops if a person was abused in one way or another during early childhood, and often throughout their lives. Or if you had a parent who also had a personality disorder. This person though stated that they had a good childhood and that they were just a bad person, and that was why they got BPD. They just were meant to have it. BPD doesn't just appear out of nowhere.

[@FergusScotchman]

My takeaways were (1) everyone has an element in their makeup that would make them do something horrible if they knew they could get away with it, (2) life ain't fair, and (3) there is no god.

[@qwandary]

I often say this 'you can love your parents but hate how they behave'. It helped my friend with a very abusive but also protective mom, as often when we talked about it, it'd trigger her guilt to even acknowledge anything her mom did was hurtful and damaging her mental health. But once I said that to her, at least for our conversations, it kinda allowed her to talk about the crap without it seemingly tarring her moms name or ignoring the times her mom is her number 1 protection and support. I actually like her mom, but her mom has done some horrible things and caused significant damage which I hate. I compartmentalise to a fault at times, but it has it's usages, and for people who're conflicted in these cases, I think encouraging them that some compartmentalisation on the parents intent verse impact might be healthy and helpful :3

[@FergusScotchman]

@@qwandary I tried this and found that it helps me. Thank you! The true mom I had was a very giving, loving person who always looked to help others, but her Psychological illness was contained for late night fights with my father. By the time of her breakdown, her Schiz had taken over 80% of her personality, and it was impossible to be in her life without being traumatized - it's like you want to save the person who is drowning, but if you get close to them, they latch on and take you both down. But at heart, she was a good person -- just very mentally ill. For something like parental physical abuse, I'm not sure how I'd feel about that.

[@qwandary]

@@FergusScotchman I'm glad it also helps you! I'm so sorry about your mom, that sounds so painful to go through for everyone involved. I think your analogy is perfect, I imagine an amount of survivors guilt comes with that too. I hope you and those close to you can get the support and healing you need.

[@brycewilson3594]

I told myself "it couldn't have been that bad", then scored a 29. I've been in therapy since I was 4, I'm going back to therapy very soon (insurance stuff). I got myself out of that negative situation and into a much safer and more positive one but I still suffer greatly in my daily life because of some of my childhood trauma. I highly recommend therapy and talking to a professional, it can really help. Sometimes I just like to talk about random things like what I'm learning in school, it's hard for me to communicate with anybody regardless of how close we are so being able to talk to someone who legally can't repeat what I say definitely helps.

[@geometricalpancake3815]

I didnt know the term "tricky family" but that perfectally describes my family. Thats why im so scared to tell anyone about my mom. Im afraid they wont believe me because my mom seems great at first glance.

[@thehardrockhippie7118]

2 minutes in and I feel justified in my lifelong feeling of not having a normal/healthy upbringing.

[@SaraL13.]

28/30. I think maybe 2020 is the year to be brave a get a therapist.

[@ADSBlue44]

I’m at 29 and I feel the same way. I need it

[@Eowyn187]

I did that when I was 29 and it's the only reason I made it this far. "Unlearn what you have learned"... Yoda. I'm 58 now. I thank God I did that. 12 step program for co-dependency all these years. And books by Melody Beatty.

[@SaraL13.]

I’m taking each day as it comes. My job is going well and I have a great best friend and her family have “adopted” me 🥰 My family certainly have their faults, but since posting this ^ I have noticed an improvement. I hope you all are doing well xo

[@GweenOfTea]

As a child, I grew up with parents who abused alcohol and would constantly yell at each other or my siblings and I (though my brother and I were the bigger targets) I wasn't allowed to talk about my emotions without my mom yelling at me so I got to the point where I'd bottle it up and tell nobody. I became that "super chill person" everyone liked in highschool because I just pretended to like everything, while on the inside I was very very sad during my teen years, I stayed at home alone for weeks on end, my parents were divorced at this point and my brother had moved out so my mom took my sister to live with whatever boyfriend she had. Since I became so "emotionally mature" my mom treated me (and indirectly my younger sister) as her therapist, and she still kinda does, by dragging me into her abusive relationship drama. I have the hardest time now understanding peoples emotions, I'm very bad at relationships because of it and I have a hard time communicating. However, I have now had my longest relationship of 2 years now and I'm so happy. His parents love me and it feels so new, I expect to be yelled at so often when we need favors but it never happens. I can communicate with my boyfriend about how I feel and he understands me and listens to me. I hope every other emotionally troubled person can have a new and refreshing experience like mine, and I hope I can get better at being expressive

[@amayaaries]

None of us are okay. I hope you guys have a great 2020.

[@mildoccultism6172]

I never thought I was abused because I wasn't hit. But hearing you say physical abuse can count even if it's threats of violence really made me feel something different. Thank you.

[@angelac.4013]

Do people ever get less than 5 yes's? I'd like to meet these mythical well adjusted people

[@ginaj4043]

I find people have a hard time believing your childhood was bad when you present well as an adult, i.e you look healthy, take care of yourself etc

[@omni8568]

Oh shit the moment you realize that the tricky family situation is exactly like your family

[@hannanna1004]

they look so perfect and normal on the outside but is screwed up on the inside. that makes it harder to define as an abusive family... i hate that so much

[@unknownerror7031]

30/30 I won again! I always knew one day I'll get that perfect score! Are you proud of me now mum ?

[@CrystalDavies-wn2us]

My thoughts exactly with my perfect score 🫣