Fair or Foul: Should You Keep Your Child from the Other Parent to Protect Their Mental Well-Being?

[@mrscwhite18]

Please don’t come after Loni for laughing sometimes hurt memories are hard to deal with so you need an outlet. Great conversation ladies well done

[@faithfo7255]

And you can tell that Loni was getting emotional at the end

[@lissetsanchez5316]

I am glad she pointed out to Adrienne, sometime laughter keeps you from crying. Spot on!

[@Thesilentvoice...]

I do the same thing and I've just noticed it. So I understand her.

[@normielovesalot3538]

Honestly the story she was describing about her little brother happened to me! A few times and I STILL LAUGHED! I truly believe laughter is okay sometimes to allow yourself the opportunity to not hold on to closely to the past.

[@joycecunningham8785]

Loni is right, it's sad for the child. It build trust issues when he's older.

[@unini90]

I’m glad Loni brought it back to the actual situation. It’s not about the mom being sad or mad.

[@UjuNduka]

Oh my goodness, I know. The girls got completely off topic with respect to the initial situation they presented.

[@lopeznayeli69]

Made me mad they used that. Wasn’t even the scenario. Felt like not much experience from them to understand the question fully. They kept getting off track

[@twentysvn]

Shout out to all single dads. We out here showing up for our kids everyday ✊🏽🙌🏽 my lil boy is my best friend. I can’t comprehend what goes through these absentee fathers’ minds.

[@MsRose00]

I don’t understand how anyone has a child and then doesn’t know if that child has eaten, are they sleeping in a warm bed, is their shelter adequate and clean, so they have proper clothing and shoes for the weather, etc? To all these men (and some women) why do you have to be dragged to court to financially provide for your child? Why do you not want to see your child as much as possible? What else is more important than a human being you brought into this world?

[@sammierose1150]

Big props to you! 🙌 We need more good examples like you in the world ❤️

[@luvbuglenise5275]

I love too see it

[@TonitudeDude]

Yup!!! I'm a child from a single father who raised 4 girls ❤

[@allthingsbeauty9175]

I have the outmost respect for single dads out there.

[@sxfany]

My mom never forced me to hang out with my father. As I got older I got tired of his inconsistency, I was 14. I am now 20 and I have no problem having no relationship with my father. My mother stepped up as a mother AND father, she’s all I need. I understand that people need their fathers but not inconsistent fathers. As you get older you see that inconsistent people are waste of time, a waste of space that someone else can uphold.

[@kimberlygonzalez3384]

Thank u! U took the words out of my mouth.

[@yparker02]

I totally agree!

[@AltaMay11]

Exactly. I tell my single parent friends that all the time. Kids KNOW.

[@tori8134]

Yes!! People push this narrative that you "need" a father but if we did the world wouldn't be so fatherless right now lmao a MAN is needed to make a baby and it may be a beautiful privilege to have one BUT we NEED mothers all kids need a mother and some kids aren't so affected by not having a father

[@terynb4407]

I didn't see my father often when growing up most of my time was spent with my mom however when I was little he meant all these things to me but as I got older when I was in high school and middle school he kind of just turned into this toxic and vile man and honestly I wish my mom wouldve protected me from him when he started to become this way. But she was so focused on me trying to have a relationship with him again that a lot of people in my family fail to realize how much of his presence had an effect on my mental health. I shouldn't have to walk on egg shells to keep him from not getting mad over the smallest things. I shouldn't have to change who I am as a person so it can benefit him and have me conform to what he wants me to be where it turns to verbal abuse then sometimes physical. I'm in my 20s now and I'll text him on hoildays and birthdays. But the trauma is seriously there and its worse because my mom let me down because she thought she was doing the right thing by letting my father have an "active" role in my life. I don't blame her or anything but I just feel like she didn't want to be one of those women who kept their child from their father not really realizing how bad it was getting for me mentally

[@rahola3279]

Any parent that feels like it’s okay to be absent, should not be able to have access. It’s such a horrible feeling to have a parent that doesn’t see you important enough to come through for you. Then you grow up having no boundaries and letting people take advantage of you, all because you crave that love you never got. The mother is absolutely right.

[@aloushinorris]

It has been scientifically proven that inconsistent “feedback” causes anxiety and low self esteem. It is even worst than getting constant negative feedback. So props to the mother, she did the right thing.

[@godsgirl7201]

🙌🏼

[@godsgirl7201]

It's better to keep the child away until the parent gets himself together

[@godsgirl7201]

@@Lina-fk6dc a child is very sensitive Alot times they don't know how to feel as a parent we have to protect there heart mind and feelings from pain

[@tsvarakadengabuhle7549]

Can we acknowldge Adrienne's growth? When this show started she was the least empathetic of the entire crew, she just couldn't understand how anyone could see it differently but now, wow! The woman is acknowledging the pain suffered by a mom while focusing on what's best for the child! I mean!!!!

[@shannoncarter1864]

She really has blossomed into a grown woman and is more open.

[@thobimakama3745]

It's her spiritual growth that has manifested in all areas of her life.

[@jordiem8059]

Adrienne is extremely active on social media and I can't help but think about how in the last few years I have not once seen Israel spend time with his younger children, Lily and Sonny or the children he had out of wedlock. He even moved to New York with her and even in quarantine I've only seen him with his older children, Jordan and Mariah... I know she says he's a phenomenal father and of course I don't know the situation but to me how could you be a great father if you only see your kids a couple times a year, if that. Seems like he's closer to Adrienne's nieces more than his own babies

[@ArtsyIslandGirlJamaicanVlogs]

@@jordiem8059 What you see on social media is a snippet of their life though.

[@jordiem8059]

@@ArtsyIslandGirlJamaicanVlogs Very true

[@FlwrPetalsOnVenus]

I understand what they’re all saying HOWEVER as someone who was in this exact situation I’d rather never have met my dad than have this messy, aloof, estranged, toxic relationship we have now. Wondering what ur parent could’ve been (a positive image) is better than ur parent walking in and out of ur life inflicting trauma on u. But that’s just me 🤷‍♀️

[@jessicamazeya3626]

I understand your feeling but there are people who never met one of their parents and are still hurt and crying about it 20, 30 or 40 years later because of the unknown. I'm not sure which one is worst

[@agathachris9722]

It's not for your mother to decide that. It's just for you to deal with

[@RoseKitty26]

@@jessicamazeya3626 and there also people that are manipulated , used and abuse mentally by their parents

[@sammierose1150]

@@agathachris9722 but the child shouldn’t be forced to see a parent they don’t want to - that is abuse. If one parent is abusive (father or mother), they need to be kept away until they can seek help.

[@UnpopularAdvisor]

It is so important for parents to allow the chips to fall where they lay and many fail to do so.. I will act accordingly to however the other parent is showing up or not showing up for the best interest and healthy of our child. Parents should allow the children to develop their own relationship with the other parent whenever the children feel like it.. if the parent is absent or non existent that IT IS WHAT IT IS.. why parents force or chase the other parent for a relationship with the child is beyond me unfortunately they're not interested in being an active healthy parent at this time get over it... some parents are delusional and ruin their kids lives by forcing toxic relationships when the kids would probably be better off without.. I think as long as the child knows who their other parent is and has spent enough time to see what kind of person the other parent is, then that's good enough and the child can decide if they want a relationship or not

[@manifestingme6504]

Thank you Jeannie & Loni for staying on topic 👏🏾 it’s NOT about a woman being bitter or heartbroken because of a failed relationship! It was about a MAN NOT being there or inconsistently, for their child/children to the point it is mentally damaging the child. That’s harming the child!! Adrienne has to stop making excuses for men. If her and Israel divorced after having a child, and he stood up their child every time he was supposed to pick them up, she would NOT be okay with that. Seeing your child break down because they feel like they aren’t good enough for their dad. I don’t like how she switches the narrative like that

[@honeymoney23]

🎯🎯

[@lateshashampree]

Your the example of her point your message have all kinds of feelings tied into it LET YOUR CHILD SEE THEIR FATHER SIS

[@manifestingme6504]

@@lateshashampree are you not supposed to have feelings concerning your child/children’s mental health? Are you not supposed to protect your children when someone is the cause of the mental trauma? 🤔

[@annasetlhake3674]

That thing of waiting for someone and they don't show up is PAINFUL especially for a child! I get her distancing her child from the dad, if he's serious he will make a plan. She's the one who has to pick up the pieces at the end of the day.

[@mileyroe4877]

This happened to me my entire childhood with my dad. I'm an adult now and it still hurts sometimes because he never changed, his words have no value.

[@annasetlhake3674]

@@mileyroe4877 I'm so sorry. I'm wishing you healing and an abundance of love ❤️

[@dr.braxygilkeycruises1460]

I just want to shoutout my Daddy. He was a single father who made sure I had Jesus and him as my model of what a man should be. I honor my Daddy and I love that I'm in my 50's and he still treats me like I'm his precious little princess. You have no clue how often I wish other Black and Native people without a strong and loving parent in the home could have someone like the King God gave me. 🥰🤴🏽

[@kaywisseh]

Amen!

[@shaylaahava6413]

Wow, such a blessing indeed!

[@gabrielladiaz1661]

If the parent doesn’t care to bond with the child then it is not the job of the child or OTHER parent to force a relationship! Especially if you got time to socialize, do drugs or hang out at bars and restaurants.

[@relaxwithme__]

🎯

[@Sparkle132]

I disagree with Adrienne. A child only needs a dad who actually wants to be in their life. When your dad goes years with no contact that’s harmful to the child. Why force the issue with someone who doesn’t care? My dad was barely there and to be honest had he been in and out all the time that could have caused a lot of damage. Sometimes out of sight out of mind is better!

[@sammierose1150]

I completely agree 🙌

[@Malyahlania]

Exactly smh

[@huldah1605]

I think adults forget kids have emotions. Adults wouldn't accept a inconsistent partner because of the toxicity so why not do the same for a innocent child

[@Sparkle132]

@@huldah1605 my point exactly!

[@joiathomas6982]

As long as their is no underlying intention behind keeping the child away from the other parent, and it’s solely for the protection of their mental health. Then by all means protect your baby, bc those childhood traumas can be hard to get over and heal from. Moms protect your babies…dads protect your babies!!! Yal talked about the absent dad, but some of these mommas are just as toxic!

[@YanaSoRandom]

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 my son has been diagnosed with ptsd because of trauma he experienced from his bio dad. He has been physically and mentally abused by him. I have been fighting him in court along with his therapist and other professionals because of the his mental state constantly being compromised whenever the judge tries to push his his dad on him. He has also threatened to self harm. My son is 12! This has been extremely hard on him and in turn hard for me. THIS is one of those instances that the father should be kept away from the child. We’ve tried trauma therapy, supervised visits etc but nothing works. I tried everything and I’m to the point where I just want him to leave my son alone.

[@essie420]

I couldn't agree more! It's about intention, but I agree with this mother, it was way damaging having an inconsistent father

[@mercyvalentin8236]

I disagree you don’t “need” your father or mother if their mentally hurting you by constantly be absent and abandoning you with false promises than the other parent has every right not creating and escape goat by covering for the other parent to continue that behavior what it came off was almost justifying toxic abusive behavior that mentally scars children

[@Malyahlania]

Exactly. They totally were justifying it and it makes me sick

[@jclyntoledo]

I agree as someone who had 1 parent who constantly abandoned them and the other who was emotionally abusive and emotionally absent the majority of the time. I had to significantly rewire my brain and I am still undoing the harmful core beliefs and shame associated with this level of childhood trauma. A lot of ppl act like if it's not physical or sexual abuse it isn't bad or long lasting but that is not true at all.

[@pinkstar9430]

Please use periods I’m struggling to read this smh

[@TheOnly1LadyJ]

I was raised by my dad and I wished that he'd kept me from my mother as she was truly emotional abusive to my siblings and I. But, because there were no physical scars a judge never denied her rights. It wasn't until I was a teenager when I was able to push back to avoid seeing her. The best thing about my dad allowing her to visit with us was that he laid the groundwork for us to learn forgiveness and compassion and be able to set boundaries as an adult.

[@1loveeu]

I hate how Adrienne and Garcielle kept emphasizing the need to have a father present and maintaining that relationship. Or the importance of having a father. I feel that it can send the wrong message to some people without a father or having a father who is toxic. You can be happy without a father present and be at peace. Don't push kids when they don't feel comfortable. Loni made the best statement in my opinion.

[@essie420]

Thank you! They're also making the assumption that the father that left actually thinks they're in the wrong

[@TEDRACAKES]

Overall, their are too many parents who aren’t emotionally stable but they are finically or just don’t take care of their responsibilities. We need parents who actually wants to be parents in healthy relationships together or not.

[@mirb2093]

This is important. So many people become parents for the wrong reasons. A child is an. entirely new person you bring into this world. Inconsistency can leave LIFELONG effects.

[@MsRose00]

@@mirb2093 YAAAAAAAAAS!!! I say this all the time. I believe 70% (maybe more) of people become parents for the wrong reasons and that’s why we have such a need for therapy now. This is not shade on therapy because we all need it and it is beneficial to self improvement. But I’m talking about those who need therapy due to the scars of their parents.

[@UnpopularAdvisor]

They are just having kids throwing materialistic things at them, money superficial tangibles but there's no emotional connection

[@alextroy9202]

Same. You don’t have kids with just ANYONE

[@alextroy9202]

@@MsRose00 people be having kids for the “aesthetic”, etc….so many WRONG reasons

[@PollyLove92]

Kids waiting for their parents to show up is heartbreaking 💔

[@frenchvanilla7109]

It's emotional mentall abuse getting someones hopes really high and then dropping it low to the ground. Especially when it's a parent. You should be able to trust your parents.

[@ThinkingLikeAVIRTUOUSWoman]

I’m so glad Loni brought them back to the actual topic. They started talking about something else when the woman was speaking about a father who was causing her child mental distress by consistently breaking promises. I understand how that could be traumatic for a child

[@lovindatJoan]

Come on Loni wheel her back in. You have to protect your child’s peace!! And Jeanie is trying to set boundaries. Good 👏🏼 and Thank you to all the good dads out there!! Those that even father other peoples children thank you!

[@livinglachandra3120]

I'm with Loni, I'm protecting my child's peace and mental health but in the most mature way.

[@sammierose1150]

I think everything is very situational. Context matters. If one parent (I don’t care if it’s the father or mother) is being abusive or neglectful, physically or emotionally, they need to be separated from the child until they can seek counseling and help for their own issues. It doesn’t mean that they’re never going to see their child again, it just means that they have some self-improvement to do on their own, before it’s a healthy situation for them to be fully involved in their child’s life.

[@theresalor]

My dad was inconsistent and in and out of jail. We used to wait around on Saturdays for him to show up too. My mom made it to where she encouraged a relationship with him. In hindsight at 27, I wish she hadn't. That ruins the kids more IMO.

[@1876babyface]

My ex...has the same patterns as your dad. When my daughter told me she didn't want to speak to him while he was in jail, I honored her wishes. I did however make her tell him so that he would respect her decision and hear it from her himself. He would have never taken it as truth if it came from me. Inconsistencies definitely damage humans, especially when coming from a parent. Thanks for sharing your truth, it helps me know I made the right decision by honoring her wishes.

[@Tan87ful]

Wow :(

[@TheWallaces]

What Garcelle is not realizing is her ex wanted that relationship too. If he were a parent that did not call/show up and really wasn’t present in their life then why force it. My girls dad has seen them 2x in the last 6 years and rarely calls them at all. I tried having them call and talking to him but he never would call them. I think it depends on the other parents intentions and if they are a good example for the kids. If he wants nothing to do with them then don’t force it.

[@camarojai6832]

This is the story of my life. Going through this with my son. I did like Jeannie said. Had a conversation with his dad “match your effort with your words. If you love him so much, protect his mental and emotional health.” I left it at that. I have provided several bridges like Adrienne said, so at this point, somewhere he needs to contribute effort.

[@lstarsabb]

Exactly! I'm not a mother but have toxic family members and it gets tiring being the only person considering the child. You are not responsible for making a deadbeat parent look good. I think the most toxic thing you can do is tell a child that they still have to love a toxic parent because that is their parent those are the people that end up in toxic relationships.

[@camarojai6832]

@@lstarsabb I believe children will be able to make the own opinions without extra input. I make sure to not bad mouth or allow someone to bad mouth his dad. Regardless how I feel.

[@lstarsabb]

@@camarojai6832 I agree that as well as well. If they are as bad as they seem the child will eventually see it. I just don't agree with telling kid that you aren't allowed want more from a parent when they are the ones that choose to have them not the other way around.

[@carmalestra]

I truly believe that a male figure should be said instead of their dad. A male figure is what is important.

[@antwanpena171]

A child needs a loving support system the gender doesn’t matter

[@carmalestra]

@@antwanpena171 you right.

[@ksanetmehari7202]

Exactly.

[@Nash0303]

@@antwanpena171 yes it does matter

[@wilsh]

@@Nash0303 why does it matter tho? If you have two moms or dads to teach you how to be a good person why does the gender matter?

[@fireesaphh9918]

I got teary eyed when Adrienne was talking bc I can relate 🥺🥺😢😭

[@jnaispencer7562]

I agree with the mom. Inconsistencies hurt more than not being there. You cannot want to be in and out your child's life. Children need consistency. Period.

[@hashtagnappycurls5029]

This hit so close to home for me. Not too long ago I completely cut my dad off because I was tired of the drama. He did me the same Loni's brother's dad did him, and her hurt like hell. It's just easier to deal with not having him around.

[@nivyrivera]

All stories are not the same. If they are toxic and hurt the child then our job is to protect our child from the person.

[@Badbarbiepr]

I wish my mother would’ve just kept me from my dad, because the heart break I endured every time my father promised to pick me up and I would sit by the window all excited just for him to never show it. I had so much emotional damage and trauma that I just wished my mom would have kept me from him.

[@magansopinion9497]

My daughter is nearly 3 and she's never met her dad because he doesn't want to be a father. Hasn't contacted me once after a 6 year relationship. And getting someone else pregnant and has a relationship with that child. Complete Dheads

[@nirvasimeon6880]

Sorry that happened to your child! Be strong. Everything will be okay!

[@magansopinion9497]

@@nirvasimeon6880I know. My daughter doesn't need a dad that doesn't want her. When she has me and she will never have to go without anything she needs.

[@MsRose00]

I am so sorry that this is happening to your little girl (and you) because situations like this are even worse once your child is old enough to become aware. Her sperm donor is capable of being a father, he just can’t be a father to her. And how the hell does any human being justify loving one child and completely rejecting another? What woman chooses to build a family with someone like that? I have so many questions for males who behave this way! I do hope that your child does form a relationship with other males in the family. Hopefully uncles, godfather, grandfather, etc. a male that you trust to step up and provide that paternal love is still so beneficial. It doesn’t have to be a father, but just someone who wants to have a fatherly role.

[@magansopinion9497]

@@MsRose00 Thank you. And my daughter has all boy cousins and they treat her like a princess and my dad and Stepdad are in her life she has boys and men around that care for her.

[@MsRose00]

@@magansopinion9497 That’s great. She still will know a father’s love, just not from him. And when she gets older, explain that rejection is God’s protection. I say that often and I’m not even religious. But I do believe that if something has been removed from your life, it may be the best this for you. Because he could be in her life, being toxic!

[@mubianawamuwi3855]

I love how Loni brings everyone back to the topic when they go on and on and we forget what it was (not that what they were saying is not important)❤️

[@meghanator1229]

When a dad doesn’t come around after multiple and multiple times of two years begging to come around and he doesn’t. Then no. He only comes and sees them like once a month for a couple hours and it destroyed my babies. They were hurt. Sometimes we need to take so much pressure off the moms to do right and never hold the men accountable. You came MAKE a man do what they want. So thankful for the man in my life who stepped up and is being that father figure.

[@carenasmith7]

Sometimes having that other parent in the child’s life is toxic. I have personal experience with this. At the end of the day I have to protect my child’s peace and overall well-being

[@marykay7878]

it really makes sense now why adrienne would go for someone 12 years older, and ignore ALL the red flags, especially the 6 kids from 3 baby mamas, and only telling her about 4 of them....it makes me sad, but i hope he treats her better than the other ones. she deserves all the happiness in the world. i am amazed how loni did not try to fill that void with toxic men, she really seems to stand firmly on the ground. love to see her and james.

[@triciacharles8022]

Speaking as someone who once had an inconsistent parent, Inconsistency is worse than not being there.

[@MakeaMarie]

They don't even understand the questions they ask. My mom did what Adrianne said do and let's just say I didn't like her covering for his mishaps because when you realise they just don't show up and your mother is lying for them it angers you more. I would have rather my mama kept his ass away instead of me always getting disappointed.

[@xlpzten9274]

OMG I love you Loni!! That was me waiting for my dad who promised he would come and then never show up, it was heartbreaking

[@MajesticMyronn]

I think there are instances where if you notice a shift or a pattern with a certain parent the best thing to do is talk to the other parent and see what could be changed so that way the child doesn’t have just one sole parent they feel comfortable talking to about anything… cuz when a child has a specific parent to go to that they feel more of a connection and transparency with its good but it also sets the tone of how that child may resent their parent that they are that emotionally connected to ! So I’d say have an adult conversation with the other parent

[@AltaMay11]

My mom just never told me and if he showed it was a surprise and if he didn't I didnt know. BUT kids know. My mom never said a bad word about my father. You learn who to count on and who to keep at arm lengths away 🤷🏽‍♀️

[@shayjones2311]

This hits hard for me cause I’ve dealt with this and I still deal with it. My dad never kept his promises and always hurt me emotionally since I was little. I’m 24 now and nothing has changed. I’m glad my mom has been there for me since day 1

[@itzmenene1286]

I have 3 boys whose Dads choose not to be there at all and I got to the point where I processed that and do it myself. And I had to remove their dads privilege to see my sons there were no results on the dads part Not going to play with my kids emotions and I’m the Only one who has to deal with it. I’m sorry . I’m a mama lioness for mine 💙💙💙 I will protect them at any cost.

[@shannon_cf]

I love the dynamic between all the ladies, especially love Garcelle's perspective on things - such a nice balance! Loving this season so much ❤️

[@nicolejohnson5604]

I agree with them all. I grew up without a father and I want my kids to have a relationship with their dad. But it's hard to see a child hurt because of the father

[@sister101lol8]

I feel Adrienne where you feel your mom is here and thats all i need but there comes a time where you feel an empty space in you heart, personality, and just life where you feel like something is missing. For me, its that connection and me taking the time of day to learn the struggles that my dad and mom went through. Because we dont know what they went through as a young child to young adult. So i want people to hear it from me. To have heavy enriched conversations with the people that are special in your life. Especially the people who made you.

[@Reah_Letisha_]

I was in this exact situation with my oldest sons father. Every week he would say he’s coming to pick him up and my son would be sitting there ready to go and he wouldn’t even call to say he’s not coming. I was constantly making excuses for him. My son was really affected by his fathers inconsistency.

[@lindajohnson8118]

Having children by several men is another issue. Especially when you expect the responsible dad to fill in for the other baby daddies. Both men and women should take control over whether they want to have a family or just be somebody's baby moma or daddy. Real Talk. You are not a good mother if you weren't' emotionally, financially or mentally ready to have children.

[@mellowmel8645]

Would this be a question if the parents were together and lived in the same home? Some 2 parents homes are extremely toxic yet they still have to live with the good and bad. I believe it helps you see your parents as multifaceted and flawed, like all humans are. It's easier to empathize with your parents as adults when you see them as human while you are a child. I feel like there are alot of missed moments in parenting to have some real conversations.

[@alexpress5375]

Uh...the lessons and conversations can't happen if the other parent isn't showing up.

[@Powersdidit]

I truly respect & appreciate this perspective

[@mellowmel8645]

When i read the question I interpreted the question of showing up as being there emotionally. I wanted to explore the fact that many 2 parent homes have 1 or both parents checked out. These are the homes that end up in divorce. How do you proactively protect your child from these circumstances. You have abusive parents that verbally abuse their kids. That is what I am speaking to. While the ladies focused on single parent homes, I believe the question is much broader. Just an opinion 🤷😌

[@khensani_m2282]

This is a great point that you raised. Something to think about.

[@alexpress5375]

@@mellowmel8645 okay, I understand what you mean now...yeah I think the ladies only focused on one aspect.

[@Teetee_joliee]

I love Adrienne with this hair and her wardrobe has matured too

[@TiffanyRayneOfficial]

Only in certain instances. If the other parent has proven to be unstable, unfit, or harmful to the child's mental, emotional, or physical well being, then I don't see any reason to keep them away.

[@TrulyAGhost]

their is no dad in my kids lives and its the best choice i ever made. no drama.. no stress.. organized life both physically and mentally. and thats a fact

[@TrulyAGhost]

@Amanda Michelle they dont know them like that. Left their dads when they was born. I told them the truth... I had them for me. See... I knew their dads was losers. I just wanted their sperms for my kids . Sound crazy yes but its the truth. Now they got the father they deserve my husband I met later on in life.

[@TrulyAGhost]

Lol. Its ok

[@Nash0303]

@@TrulyAGhost you made a really selfish decision twice. You're part of the problem.

[@TrulyAGhost]

@@Nash0303 your opioin means as much to me as the ish that I just flushed down the toilet.

[@TrulyAGhost]

@@Nash0303 and take off that cheap as s outfit . it makes u ugly x3. Lol. The first nature did on its own. So stop helping the already sad situation. Lol

[@naiiiim]

I have a similar story to Adrienne’s. When my dad left when I was 14, he would try to contact me and I wouldn’t pick up. Because why? You left my mom and I in a situation where you knew we couldn’t fend for ourselves, we were barely hanging on with two salaries, and now you leave? So it almost felt like I was betraying my mom if I answered him and kept having some kinda relationship with him.

[@mshannon06]

As a child from divorced parents … I wish my dad had the ability to take me away from my bio mom … unfortunately the courts need to catch up that mothers are not the only good caregivers. Abuse comes in many forms - not just physical. My dad fought tooth and nail to take me away from her, but the court kept rejecting. He even went so far to say that he’s keep paying her child support to have me. Now as an adult, I’m addressing my ptsd and all that comes with it.

[@Carlyon100]

I applaud parents especially single moms who protect their child's mental health more so than follow the courts order for visitation or partial custody because what deadbeat no show Joe is not going to do is to take our child to a trap house, his side chick's or momma's house when he is out running the streets. So, no, I don't subscribe to the view that a bad parent is better than no parent at all because he is not going to have junior out here looking stupid waiting around on empty promises

[@movi3srock]

I have a narcissist father. And it was actually helpful for me to have a very minimal relationship with him. I see him maybe once or twice a year. And maybe talk. On the phone 3-5 times a year. It has made me so much happier to not have that manipulative toxic treatment in my life. And actually our relationship is better now (still not great). But only having minimal contact there is usually less fights. Am I still sad I don't have a great dad in my life all the time...yes! BUT, I would rather have this relationship I have with boundaries and keep my sanity then deal with emotionally abusive parent. And I am able to surround myself with other family and friends who love and support me. You have to set up boundaries or else toxic people will consume your life.

[@brannray]

My daughters father has been in and out of her life all of her life until I got sick of seeing my baby cry. I also stopped telling her when he claimed he was coming, the last straw was when he stood her up on Christmas.

[@melindahmkhwanazi]

Yeah nothing breaks a child's heart like their dad not keeping a promise. Nothing. It still hurts and I'm approaching 30, guys don't do this.

[@LiveByDesign]

nope if the parent or ANYONE is a threat to a child's physical and or emotional well being then protect your child. Don't keep them around to please society

[@bmarie5509]

I have a relationship with my dad but he was abusive towards my mom and me and I wished my mom would’ve left him because he was disturbing my mental peace ! And my mom would always say “I keep him around because you need a dad” and I low key was upset with her at the time for believing that’s ok

[@chandlersampson]

Another tough topic handled with grace. Love you ladies!!!

[@dhanameetsnao]

Yes Loni. I can relate to you and your brother’s story. It happened to my son. His dad told him that he will give him a playstation when he graduates elementary. My son kept talking about it the entire year. He was so happy because he reconnected with his dad and the promise of a playstation. I already know what a disappointment it would be but I did not say anything to my son. After his graduation, there was zero communication. We sat and told him that sometimes people will tell lies, keep you hanging and disappoint you. I told him believe someone when they show who they are. Also, remember that action speaks louder than words. I felt his heart broke and he never talked about him ever. I always make sure to stay neutral and protect my son from him. Stay strong to all the moms and dads out there!

[@stephaniel6867]

All of the women referenced the women being the parent and dad not showing up. I guess they don't realize how many single dads there are out there, where mom lies and doesn't show up.

[@isabellacappellieri2010]

I was exactly like Adrienne as a teenager especially from 12 and now I’m 22 , I never took my dads calls , I didn’t have a good relationship with him , there were things I’d seen that I couldn’t let go of and I was all about my mum even though she wanted me to have that relationship with him aswell. I wish I could take those years back and change the way I did everything because now my dads passed away and I have soooo much regrets. Your parents are only here for a short time and knowing what I know now after losing my dad , it’s important to maintain that relationship with them, it’s important to not have any regrets and it’s important to hold them close.

[@bluebird4815]

Protect your kids. I wish i had never known my deadbeat mother. To this day, i'm still struggling emotionally. Don't be scared. Talk to your kids, be honest about the other parent but do not trash talk them.

[@tlou6658]

Sometimes you've got to laugh to keep yourself from crying

[@beckywilliams4941]

Loni serving looks ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥my gosh

[@stephniek]

Yes... Protect the child's peace.. do not mess that child's mental health.. Loni and Jeannie are right.. that child will meet other kids, kids talk too, and imagine how repeatedly the child gets hurt that their parent is inconsistent in promises, visitation, birthdays, provision etc, and the other kids have their parent being the best they ever had.. you can't keep allowing it... Children's happiness and mental health comes first. Plus, teach them positive values. That when you say you're gonna do sth, do it. Don't be dodgy, lying or flanking..

[@joycecunningham8785]

My great-grand mother said don't let your children catch you in a lie. When you promise children, they catch you in lies.

[@julianne9303]

I don’t agree with needing a father. Some parents don’t deserve to be “dad” unless you act like it

[@joselineorellana7568]

Loni at the end to Adrienne “what we’re talking about this is what we’re talking about” 😹😹😭😭😭 cus wtf was all that Adrienne she takes up the most time talking but never contributes anything good or substantial!! They all just nod and mhmh like please shut up

[@melissajacksonmenny8515]

Yeah I cringe when they get off topic.

[@milesjohnson7423]

If it gets to that point, then yes. Not only can that affect their mental health, but the child could pick up on it and repeat the pattern into their adulthood. Sure the competent parent can teach them not to do it, but at young ages they can be impressionable and not see the consequences immediately, esp since one parent is doing it yet they don't see them being held accountable.

[@bellastarz5481]

Adrienne grew so much and I love seeing it.. 🥰

[@teresanaranjo8548]

I had a similar situation with my mother. Long story short - I grew up with a single dad and my mother would visit me. She would often call me and promise to show up, would leave me waiting for hours and then call the next day with an excuse. It hurt until I was around 8-9 years old. I realized that she wasn’t someone I could rely on so I no longer waited. I’m not a parent yet however I do know that I could never put my child through that.

[@maeflower522]

In my opinion, I say let your child decide if they want to have a relationship with that, lack of better term, absentee parent. As much as parents want to protect their child, sometimes we need to hear from them directly. I know ages can vary, and it’s hard to ask them when they’re very young, but having that conversation with them can give the parent more clarity.

[@cammik2229]

I absolutely agree, the child has to ultimately come to their own conclusions. The last thing you'd want is for them to grow up resenting you because you cut them off from their other parent.

[@mayasquaw2254]

Dont procreate with men with no credentials and has lack of commitment and responsibilities. The red flags is there don't ignore it or else it will be tragic for the child. Women be having any mens child and thats an issue.

[@kgomes1126]

Yep because then the parent who sets the boundary is going to turn into the bad guy. Children need to see their parents in their own eyes.

[@EboJ13]

I feel THIS, especially what Loni said. Now my case was different from this but still relate. Unfortunately I had to make this decision due to abuse (all types towards me including in front of child; emotional towards child). I was being attacked not just as a woman, but as a mother. Forbid if he'd done something to me (yes there were threats) and my child had ended up with dude. I do NOT regret this decision one bit. Just wish I'd done it much sooner.

[@essie420]

Great convo, key thing here is intention. As long as the decisions being made are in the child's best interest that's all that matters. But from experience, having an inconsistent father was very painful and mentally draining. Like Loni's mum did best to not tell the kid, and as parents figure out how to create a healthy process for your kid as long as the parent is not being harmful or abusive to the kid.

[@Mustangchik2007]

I didn’t know my dad growing up. My mom kept us from him until I was almost 15. My mom and I have a really strained relationship now because of her actions and attitude. I’m a lot closer with my dad. Also not necessarily can he get visitation especially if they go to court and the mother uses manipulation with the judge to keep him from the kids. That’s what happened with us.

[@shannoncarter1864]

I love that Loni is being so open in this season

[@shaecarter1837]

Wow the real has definitely been eating me up

[@CrystalSicily]

I was raised by a Single Mom. After the divorce he Split. I grew up GREAT! Yes its better to have Mom and Dad. But no Dad is better than a Toxic or Narcissistic Dad.

[@kishajones841]

I always said if I ever found myself in this position I wouldn’t tell my child their father is coming and wouldn’t allow him to keep making broken promises…it would just be a surprise whenever he did show up. There is no excuse to keep making broken promises…it’s so unnecessary and cruel.

[@sabssads]

follow kemi y’all. they are so intelligent and insightful!

[@alexismum]

Yo! I straight up left with my daughter when he tried to physically harm us. Almost 2 years, he's never tried to see or contact us. Heard he's trying to remarry and I'm relieved. I'll tell her he loved her (so she won't develop daddy issues) but we couldn't live together as we were not happy. In my instance, yes it's good to distance her from him. When she's older, she can decide if she wants to meet him.

[@beckywilliams4941]

You shouldn’t keep you kids from the other parent, the other parent’s actions will speak for themselves

[@christinalewis3635]

Yeah but how much will effect the child its most definitely a disservice to the child

[@Truther1903]

Jeanie ages like wine 😍 her hair, outfit, makeup, composure is EVERYTHING this season!!!

[@GoldenGlam95]

I’m sorry I grew up without my father and at 26 I don’t care to mourn him! Kids will eventually work through the hurt IF they go to counseling and have supportive family to work through their emotions! I’ve had other male role models in my life! In a perfect world would I have preferred to have a relationship with my dad yes, but we aren’t in a perfect world and the man is a womanizing bum! Now I don’t agree with a parent keeping the other parent away if it’s HEALTHY because it didn’t work out between them! A child should and deserve to have a relationship with BOTH parents, if there’s no harming being done! But, if you are affecting my child’s mental head space and I’ve talked to you about repeatedly and NOTHING changed, you will no longer have access to my child! I will talk to my child to get an understanding of where he/she is mentally before I make the decision of course. It is a parents job to PROTECT their child! Now when they get to a certain age and are asking about their dad, I will NOT stand in the way, I will even try to help connect them! But, I will not sit there and just watch my child continue to get hurt over, over, and over again! I will protect my child even if it’s from their dad🤷🏾‍♀️.

[@anetihernandez28]

I have to keep my daughter from her father. My husband & I have been dealing w/my daughters mental health. It has been hard & her father is at fault for all that she's going thru. It sucks bcuz I look like I'm doing it 4 me but she's in & out of centers due to her father's horrible environment.

[@mar69storm]

Hell I lived in the house with my Dad and he still didn't show up for me. So I'm biased. I applaud all Father's who do the job they signed up.

[@rainbowcharcoal4315]

Thank you Adrienne, as a young adult with a single mom who im very close to, i feel i dont need my dad and hardly answer his calls or texts, but i really do need him and will realize it very soon 😭

[@Mizfashionablylate]

I’m doing that now. My daughters father every chance he gets tells her all types of crap about child support and because of it he can’t be around her as much as he wants which is be because he barely pays it lol She also said during extended visits he barely talks to her and treats her older sister better and it’s not fair to my daughter. The inconsistency with visits and contact is damaging to them and sometimes it’s better to just not have them around at all

[@leahswenson7776]

I think unless there is physical abuse or sexual parents should not keep children away from the other parent. Not having a father in my life was devastating but he made that choice. My mother never kept him from me and knowing that makes me love her even more. She never talked bad about him to me even though she had every right to.

[@deestevens2883]

Loni!!!! 😂😂🤣🤣 Laughing at her not the topic...that is truly hard for kids😔

[@sweetcaramel4750]

I agree with Loni sometimes You have to laugh to keep from crying I Love that saying

[@LiveByDesign]

ladies dont cover for the man. The child is going to grow up and eventually come to find out for themselves who they are and I can testify to the fact that produces such a shock, identity crises and betrayal that years of therapy might not even fix. You have to protect your child's mental health in the moment but also have enough common sense and foresight to understand that your child's emotional health as an adult is also important!

[@iyinoluwao3393]

Being inconsistent to a child can become emotional abuse very easily. That's dangerous. If the absent parent wants visitation that badly and can't get it, go to court. In many of these cases, the absentee is complaining online but refusing to adhere to visitation rules or go to court. There are of course exceptions and safe relationships should be fostered as much as possible. However, in an effort to not be seen as evil, some present parents often feel they have to expose their child to nonsense like that which is emotional neglect and abusive.

[@iyinoluwao3393]

You have to be careful not to teach your child that inconsistentcy is fine in a relationship. They should be encouraged to appreciate/ accept their parent for what they are/ give but also be taught that they are deserving of more.

[@QuellyQuell]

I went through this as a kid and it has definitely affected my life as an adult today !!!

[@juliejames4230]

This topic touched my heart because coming out of a relationship which was toxic at its best with a baby and I wanted the guy that promised me when I was pregnant that he will help take care of his son to do so instead I got the total opposite. I don't trust him around our child because of his alcohol abuse.

[@1992Fabulous]

Adrienne and Garcelle went off topic and focused on themselves 🙄🙄

[@cecesorio4733]

It's sad when the Dad is bitter over mom had moved on after being in a very abusive relationship then the court system doesn't help with the matter. When the father tells his child threatening words towards the mother and her family. So my question is how can you protect the child from the father but yet you don't want to take away the relationship away just because the father has some mental issues? By the way the father have not provided for the child and moved to a different state but refused to provide his location.