What an Autistic Meltdown Feels Like (ft.london trip 💂👑)

[@hayley.honeyman]

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[@grodjigoli9509]

Sad.😢😢😢😢

[@Xnvasxve]

@@grodjigoli9509 fr

[@cherrypotpi791]

It’s amazing to hear people talk about meltdowns normally. I have gathered skills to prevent them, but once in a while I ask myself “why do I feel so out of touch with reality to the point I want to escape existence” and it’s nice to know it’s normal for my neurodivergent brain. I NEED alone time or else I have no concept of who I am. Mixed with my ADHD I end up feeling manic. My eczema my intense physical reaction to my meltdowns which is NOT healthy.

[@jessicaraewood5016]

When I am melting…. I immediately have an uncontrollable urge to move out of my house and live on my own. I have come very close to going to a hotel for the night because I can’t handle the overwhelming stimulation that comes with being surrounded by people all the time. Ahhhhhh just thinking about it is triggering.

[@EmotionalSupportChaosDemon]

Undiagnosed likely AuDHD bean here ✨I don't think I have meltdowns, but I 100% have autistic Shutdowns, where everything becomes just super overwhelming and you just kind of shut off completely from everything. Suddenly every little thing becomes extremely overstimulating and the smallest things feel like a boulder trying to crush you. I can be a little hotheaded, but when I hit a shutdown mode, or just feel very overstimulated, I go from my regular happy self to sudden blind rage if I get slightly too triggered while already overstimulated.

[@evelienzeilstra9237]

I love your video's, they teach me so much about being neurodivergent, and how to be kind to myself. Thank you.

[@hayley.honeyman]

Thank you for being here!! 💛💛💛

[@rainbowpeapod2796]

i agree :)

[@Jay-ql4gp]

Yes! I'm also AUDHD. And yeah. It just comes out. I had a meltdown last Friday that my coworkers witnessed. I was so embarassed with myself, and so fed up with work, that I made up my mind then I was taking the day off today. I have to remind myself that I don't have to take on things that I don't need to. And I don't have to make things personal that aren't. As an aside: it doesn't help that I have a coworker who micromanages everything and if he sees me (trying to regulate-in which I'm not immedeately doing anything) he'll give me something to do like all I'm doing is fucking off. No one else says anything. Including supervisors! But he's like, "Uh here...if you need something to do..." and gives me work. And I have to stop from wishing he would accidentally fall down the stairs. And there are parts of the warehouse were the bells don't work. So their solution was to turn the rest of them up all the way. Even though they're mounted on the ceiling in a warehouse, it's still nearly 90 decibels on the floor. And it goes off 32 times during my shift. Loop earplugs keep me from feeling physically abused at the end of the day. Thank you Haley!

[@Sosiques]

I also love traveling! It's a huge interest of mine and I love to do research ahead of trips to learn all about where I'm going (even if it's just a different city in the US). To my surprise, one of the best places for me as an AuDHD girl was Tokyo! Well, most of Tokyo, most of the time. It came as a surprise to me considering how populous of a city it is. I figured most of the city would feel incredibly busy and packed, but it didn't often feel that way at all. I studied Japanese language as my minor in University, so I felt I knew quite a bit about the culture but still did a ton of reading before going, as I was going to be there for a month. The subways are SO quiet, people mostly keep to themselves, and rules/schedules are actually prioritized there! There were plenty of places for me to go off and have some quiet time if I needed. I especially appreciated how I was able to do so much on my own, like ordering my food on tablets at restaurants and not having to interact with a server if I didn't want to that day. The trains were also amazing and how many stations there were was incredible! It was so easy to get anywhere and coming from the Midwest this was just mind boggling to me. I genuinely miss good public transit every. single. day. 😔 Ofc, there were places like Shibuya that felt a bit more overwhelming and were more full of tourists who weren't so keen to keep to themselves or be quiet, but I still had fun in those areas and found ways to regulate my emotions. I honestly cannot wait to go back 😪

[@Sosiques]

Sorry for the rant 😅 I just love talking about traveling! But I just found your channel at 4am as I couldn't sleep and I love it! You have such great, informative videos! I subscribed after the first one I watched! 😊

[@breannawenke7168]

I had a pretty intense meltdown the other day. It was raining but also humid and my clothes were all sticky and the cars on the road were louder because of the rain, and I just lost it. I was hitting myself and stated screaming and I fell to the ground hyperventilating and crying. All good now. I just want to share how I sort of Visualise meltdowns for me, especially as I often don’t really remember the feelings involved. I explain it like I feel trapped, like you said about the staircase. It could be mentally (like an emotion or thought), physically (like it’s too hot, or I’m on a train. I can’t really escape the situation or environment physically), or socially (like stuck in a conversation or you’re in a meeting where physically you can leave, but you’re socially obligated not to). Even just perceived trappedness can be enough to trigger a meltdown. It’s something to deal with a lack of control and stability to the situation too, which is another way I can sort of visualise it. I like having a way to explain it to myself and to others. It’s really important to me that the people around me can understand and be better able to accomodate and advocate for me when I’m not able to. This is also how I explain why I might run away; I feel trapped and I need to escape. Some common triggers are change in routine, sensory overload, feeling overwhelmed or frustrated, or even difficulty communicating. Things that cause a lack of stability that make things feel uncontrollable. Hope this helps someone :)

[@syndean]

Felt this pretty hard this morning. I'm glad you are better after that but also I give you my internet hug in hopes that you keep making it through any future meltdowns. Also wish there was a better word for these things. Meltdown to me sounds like a word adults use to describe a child's temper tantrum. We need one for AuDHD adult meltdowns. Anyways, I do find myself more angry and dysregulated when a change in routine happens. Becoming overwhelmed due to having to get off autopilot, start making dumb mistakes (even as small as forgetting to put my sons water bottle in his backpack for school and so now I think he has no water all day even though I know the teachers would provide him whatever he needs), etc. Then the day is effectively "ruined" according to my brain and won't let me get back on track. I might take a little advice from Hayley's vid here and do the heads down, headphones on, eyes closed to regulate and change the mood back for the better. Here's to hoping! Good luck to you, friend. We are not alone in the world!

[@emmapalya1682]

So sorry to hear that but glad you're doing alright now. I struggle with that trapped feeling, and lack of control/stability as well. Wishing you lots of support, strength, and love on your journey navigating these things!

[@MorningsWithSunshine]

Thank you so much for making this video! I am 40 and recently learned that I am autistic AND ADHD. I was diagnosed with ADHD as a kid and recently realized that I have a LOT of autistic traits that I just attributed to me being me. I never realized that my strong emotions and feeling like I'm possessed sometimes is a meltdown and most people don't feel that. Thank you so much again for your videos!

[@giulianosider123]

You should start a travel vlog, honestly😂! Very relaxing and entertaining to watch

[@hayley.honeyman]

So glad you enjoyed it!! I had fun filming it!

[@giulianosider123]

@@hayley.honeyman I thought the cuts between the travel vlog and your commentary on it gave a nice cadence to the video. And the details, down to the RPG-esque soundtrack during the travel portions, make me want to strap a selfie stick to my arm and venture out onto the road myself. I can also relate to the neurodivergent aspects you discussed, but I think in my case it’s not so much a matter of exploding into a meltdown state, but rather imploding into a state of zombified mental paralysis where I don’t feel myself in full control over my own body and my own destiny. This is a state that I’m still trying to understand. And I think your videos are part of this journey of understanding.

[@emmapalya1682]

Thank you for this one Hayley! The other week I had a meltdown in public for the first time since trying to conquer my agoraphobia the past few months and I tend to feel so much shame around meltdowns. It's really nice to hear someone else talk about what meltdowns feel like and it's a good reminder that it's not just being overdramatic.

[@tyttihalme8526]

This is me traveling. I love it but it get so overstimulated and tired so fast, and the travel companion/s are always pushong to continue because they dont experience the same issues. Then i cant anymore and i get anxous and angry and start crying and they say I'm being overdramatic and digficult. But the truth is that my brain needs a break, my brain is overheating from all the sounds, people, details, smells, my shoes, the heat, the food I didnt eat at lunch... My brain needs to reboot. I dont need two hours in the morning, but i do need two hours at least couple of times durong the day.

[@yasminh]

we will get through this together

[@Bekk28]

Love your honesty and thank you for taking us on this journey with you ❤ you’re a light!!

[@uploadingjess]

You've really helped me understand myself better ❤ I am now able to notice when I am getting overstimulated and take action to prevent a meltdown. One of the things that really helps me is wearing hats. It limits brightness and visual input and if needed, I can kind of 'hide away' under it. It feels really empowering to have tools to make yourself feel alright!

[@drsloan]

My food hack for London is to buy from a local market or grocery store, where you can get premade things like sandwiches pretty cheap. Then maybe one outing per day at a pub or fancier spot. Also, if (when) you go back, try to see the Tower Bridge at night. It looks cool all lit up, and there are tourists everywhere even late at night so it never feels unsafe. Thanks for taking us along around a bit of London. It’s my favorite city to visit and was great to see.

[@Jakesdaysvlogs]

Hayley giiiiirl I absolutely freaking love the Ted talk mixed with real experience explained by a vlog. GENIUS! You are such an inspiration and keep up the good work.❤

[@lashadi1445]

I am going to share this with my mom. I had a melt down in front of her last night, and i explained the best i could. I think your video will say it better. Its not choice really whether or not we are having a meltdown once its there but we can acknowledge the meltdown is coming, and do things to allievate the stressors causing the aura of symptoms the best you can (though i love your term, "edging" a meltdown 😂) I will be sharing this with her, i hope she watches it 🥲

[@EternalLunar180]

Once again, love these casual type videos. Also love the vlog we got of your trip to London!

[@hayley.honeyman]

YAY!! Love this feedback 💛💛

[@prudenceilyse]

amber at 24:25 is so me just doing random word association with songs all the time

[@BuckeBoo]

Travel is a huge challenge that easily triggers meltdowns. For the first time in 54 years I took a trip this year and had ZERO meltdowns. My family called my meltdowns 'Hulk moments'.

[@shainaalexander78]

As a neurodivergent mom with two neurodivergent teens, you have me in tears and I love you so much for this video!!

[@rainbowpeapod2796]

this is super helpful :) i can relate in many levels, ive also had meltdowns my whole life and the way you explain them helps me feel less broken :) thank you ~ whenever i travel i like to wake up before everyone else and practice yoga :) also traveling with safety items always helps like scents, tea, stuffed animals, crystals, books, cozy soft cotton clothes :) i also feel trapped often, like on the telephone or other social situations. it's cool hearing others experiences 💜💜💜

[@BOABModels]

21:47 I'm a Brit but not a fan of mushy peas. A lot of places will substitute them for normal garden peas though which I normally do.

[@Megan-vb9ze]

can confirm not an expensive burger, cost of living here is just fucking mental especially with restaurant prices compared to most other countries.

[@nurmr]

Also the price on the menu is the price you pay because the UK has VAT (not like in the US where you still have to add sales tax)

[@laikacons]

London! My favorite city. Second to my hometown of Abergavenny, Wales, UK. I’m so glad you enjoyed your trip to London

[@gillrobinson3517]

I'm surprised you didn't bring snacks and water in your backpack. Essentials for me anywhere. Although I don't always remember 😊

[@RemyJustice97]

I'm writing an autistic character who really struggles with regular meltdowns, so this kind of stuff is really useful for making sure I portray them accurately. I tend toward shutdown myself, so I don't have as much experience in regard to meltdowns, but they ultimately feel very similar I believe, just all that chaos is going on inside and outside, you just get perceived as cold and standoffish

[@BetterNeurodivergentTravel]

Great video of the London experience! I worked there (living in and nearby) for 8 years and I don't miss it! I def prefer walking buses or Tubes. And overland trains over tube. Anything but the Tube.

[@tapzilla2k]

It's not much cheaper in Oxford for a burger at various pubs in the city (£15 and up). If I visit London on my own then I get a meal deal from a supermarket to keep the costs down. I haven't been to London in a while as I find it far too overstimulating, especially around the Palace of Westminster. All I will say about Oxford is, it can get as busy as London around the Colleges and other Oxford University buildings like the Bodleian Library. There are quieter side streets and a few parks for those needing somewhere calmer. Those have saved me from meltdowns a few times.

[@Moonyeyedmeteor]

When I hear this? No one knew about autism. We learned communication. Communication changes everything. It opens doors. Keep opening doors, plan for tomorrow(force yourself)or? You’ll not have a tomorrow. Did you know that we cannot create habits? We can create routines, but not habits. You can see where habitual activities are stored in the brain. We can’t do it. That is why everytime we do something like shower, brush teeth, make spaghetti ? Every time is like the first time. My spaghetti is never the same. I hate showers, love bathes. Everything I do is like the first time, new plan, everyday.. that is why we run out of spoons daily. We need more spoons. Are you tired??

[@LieingCostsYourSoulTellElders]

Another major issue world pasta contanimates thatn right!!! Iron or ferrous added metals from underground. Reverse all lies ever told and be a food servant for the homeless it's very important for us. Beautiful u r

[@NotThatJamesMartin]

Love the video Hayley of you travelling my small island. I ummed and ahhed for ages as to whether to say what I was thinking which is 'I always find it really funny and endearing when you burp in videos' - but then I decided I wouldn't be following the lessons of your unmasking course if I didn't! Would you ever consider a fan meet-up when you are travelling? Totally get if it wouldnt be your thing, or wouldnt want to spend your holiday 'working' as it were. But if you were down I for one would be bang up for it. Oh and yeah, everything everywhere is expensive in the UK, we are also the highest taxed generation in our history, yet nothing works properly - ain't it fuuunnnnnn, living in the real world 😂

[@lunarose9042]

The bit I hate the most is being told I'm abusive and bad and too much when I have meltdowns. Thankfully I have them a lot less now due to learning my accommodation needs. The mental shame is still there so heavily, 😢

[@syndean]

Great video & vlog! London is a bucket list of mine. Super jealous. I do have a question. At around 29:17 in, you talk about thinking of going to a pub but were satisfied with the day's activities. When I'm somewhere I haven't been, I can't balance between wanting to experience everything so that FOMO doesn't make me regret anything when I head back home and wanting to just sleep due to jet lag/time differences, go back to the hotel/airbnb to relax/recharge. Usually the former wins because trips like these are relatively short for me either for work trips which means 8 hours of my day is taken up by work or personal trip which means I have maybe a maximum of a week due to expenses. So I guess my question is: when you got home, did FOMO hit and you wish you did more? Therefore a bit of depression might kick in? It could mostly be the excitement of being somewhere else other than home and then "back to the routine/grind" hits and that's what causes the depressed mood. The FOMO might just be depression talking. Just curious your thoughts on it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[@hayley.honeyman]

I have come to a place of such acceptance that I know that this was all I could reasonably do AND enjoy the trip! It feels impossible to feel FOMO when I understand that anything more that I would have done would have hurt me more than helped me! So focus on acceptance if you can (HUGE task and easier said than done!)

[@syndean]

Acceptance is hard, for sure. That is something my therapist and I continue to work on. Thanks for the reply!

[@LeaMiyaArt]

What if you have to be in a place M-F that always triggers you? How do you manage not melting down in that kind of scenario? I’m really loving the way you are describing the experience and tools you use!

[@lisa_in_space]

20:14 Thats just the London upcharge unfortunately, its why us northerners dont visit that often, its cheaper to fly fo Europe than get a 2 hour train

[@Ellpep]

The face i made when you said it was £20 for a burger and chips!😅

[@ThyCandyRuler]

I was like WHAT? REWIND £20 FOR THAT! ADHD rage probably for me.

[@nurmr]

oooooohhhhh, that explains a lot about my childhood (~35 years later)

[@SassyYazzy1212]

I instantly love Amber!!! As soon as she walked up to you. Can we find her online somewhere ?

[@autisticstreet]

Hayley I hope you don’t mind me saying this but you are so brave and courageous! 🌸💪 Thank you so much for sharing these moments of your journey with us ! It was so fun to see how you both navigated the city and I love the way you interspersed it with commentary at home about autistic meltdowns-that was so interesting, I really relate. You made me realize those claustrophobic feelings are also a part of my autistic experience. I got some angst thinking of that staircase even before you showed it haha! 😱 It’s truly inspiring to see how you’re leaning into your boundaries and communicating them so clearly, setting up your day around your needs and not the other way around. I try to do that too, and when I do, it’s really satisfying! Thanks again for sharing this with us and being the brave badass you are! By the way, I was curious about your vlogging setup. The quality of your vlog camera is amazing-great sound, wide-angle, and the aperture looks so crisp. Is it the same camera you use at home, or do you switch between different setups? I’d love to know what you’re using. 📸 Thanks for another great video! Can’t wait for the next one 😁 Sam

[@hayley.honeyman]

You are so wonderful!! Thank you for the love and support!! I actually film EVERYTHING with my iPhone 15 :)

[@autisticstreet]

@@hayley.honeyman You’re absolutely welcome! I wanted to say that the format of this video, with the cuts to the vlog segments, is extremely ADHD-friendly 😄 dynamic pacing where you alternated between different sections-whether in the city or at home-really drove home the underlying message of the video: communicating and understanding and embodying your needs and developing as a person. It was super effective! Now, I’m curious-did you use the front camera of your phone when you were vlogging in London? If so, I’m blown away by the quality; I’m ready to buy an iPhone 15 right now! 😂 Perhaps once I get that KZbin green 🤑Do you use a tripod, and if so, which one? Also, do you have a mic for your iPhone, like a shotgun mic, or are you just using the built-in mic? I wasn’t sure if they make shotgun mics for iPhones. Lastly, I’m assuming you use Final Cut Pro for editing? Thanks so much for sharing all of this! I love how much you’ve been posting lately-keep up the great work, but no pressure, haha. Don’t want to activate your PDA!

[@JC11118]

THAT IS EXPENSIVE FOR A BURGER. ... It's Central London, not surprised. Swear our prices are getting higher, as for our living expenses do not match up. ... fun times!!

[@havardhenriksen8890]

There's a low bass sound in the video, one that I don't think is supposed to be there, sort of like a chopper at a distance. Specifically in the parts where you're in the red chair talking about everything.

[@hayley.honeyman]

Heck, I didn't notice but now that you've pointed it out I hear it! Gonna figure out how to fix that for future videos, thank you!

[@robink9577]

Yes I heard that too

[@jessicaraewood5016]

To me it feels like nails on a chalkboard or just skin crawling discomfort… the rage is wild.. I have kicked holes in my wall and injured myself unintentionally by beating my hands on the table or wall. It’s disturbing and the feeling is awful. And people think you are crazy

[@guera18cpt]

Ive had three meltdowns in two weeks. I had one an hour ago and omg, my head still hurts from the hitting. I’m so stressed with work and angry about it, so it’s been so overwhelming. I wish I didn’t have to go through this. The pms is making so much worst. One day at a time.

[@jenniferporterfield7259]

Love you honeyman❤

[@hayley.honeyman]

LOVE YOU MORE

[@Al.531]

Can I get a copy of that BINGO card great inspo for my next trip!!

[@as_cole_as_a_cucumber8106]

Near a tourist attraction like that its probably not bad, i wouldn't pay those prices in my local area, more like max £15 for an evening meal (theyre typically bigger than a lunch) and a soft drink (non alcoholic like a soda). I would love to be able to put me first when travelling but i am so bad at internalising it until its too much and before i know it its meltdown town.

[@malinpegenius7945]

Hayley i can not find your email on your website and i can not have facebook or instagram. It is like a drug addiction to me so i had to stop. I got so depressed sitting there for hours .. my adhd really got me hooked on that. I just wanted to ask if you take medication for adhd? I am going to try it again. ....sooo nervous

[@thebonecone]

Well done for trying the mushy peas, they aren’t for everyone!

[@hayley.honeyman]

They were ROUGH hahaha

[@jenniferjuliana10]

£17.50 for a burger without a drink is expensive :( ahahah

[@yeahokay...actuallynah]

going to get checked for adhd... maybe I should also mention autism since I related to this so much

[@mirandaosmelak480]

Hayley, your videos are so helpful and I love them, and sorry for only ever commenting with criticism. I don't know how strong the perfumes that you use are, so maybe it's not a problem, but unfortunately when travelling I personally struggle a lot if I am near people who use too much perfume as it can be very overwhelming. It looked like you sprayed on quite a few sprays. Again, maybe it's nothing, maybe the ones you were using weren't that scented, but maybe you caused another autistic person's overwhelm... :( and then you advertised it on this channel.

[@russelllopez4171]

What triggers your issues with texture? The adhd or autism?

[@findingaway5512]

I wonder if the fact that the UK doesn't put artificial dyes in their stuff helped. 🤔 I am mentioning because my ADHD kiddos are sensitive to food dyes and so are lots of people with autism. Just mentioning incase it may be something to note. I am only mentioning due to the location of travel and it popped into my head and my family who have sensitivities.

[@ThyCandyRuler]

Well i am very dramatic You wanna see my science class? Yeah.

[@T.K.P.]

There's a 19 y.o. new youtuber called carlotta veto , and she looks so ADHD to me, can you compare yourself to her at 19? She's from north-east italy.

[@eddiemartinez7555]

Nice video dear 😊🎉🎉🎉😂❤

[@bluepie-p5i]

No sadly, 20 pounds can be normal.

[@jude985]

I love your videos, but genuinely confused by the advertisement for scented products on a video for people with autism and adhd. Like no one should really be wearing scented products because it's actually disabling for people with scent sensitivity. And many ppl with scent sensitivity are autisitc/adhd

[@jude985]

like when I sit next to people wearing scents, it's kinda feels like the equivalent of someone screaming nonstop + headache.

[@mirandaosmelak480]

Hayley, your videos are so helpful and I love them, and sorry for only ever commenting with criticism. I don't know how strong the perfumes that you use are, so maybe it's not a problem, but unfortunately when travelling I personally struggle a lot if I am near people who use too much perfume as it can be very overwhelming. It looked like you sprayed on quite a few sprays. Again, maybe it's nothing, maybe the ones you were using weren't that scented, but maybe you caused another autistic person's overwhelm... :( and then you advertised it on this channel.

[@hayley.honeyman]

Hey! Interesting thought. I want to challenge you on this, not because I don’t care but because I do! Autistic people vary so much. I LOVE perfume and I know many other autistic folks that love smells as well. If your needs require less smells, then voicing that to your close friends is a great idea :) but I won’t stop wearing perfume - even tho the scentbird ones are fairly light and not overwhelming! Accommodate yourself and perhaps try not to expect everyone to accommodate you without knowing you. I hope that makes sense! This is similar to how I am a very very loud individual, I experience intense autistic joy and can be loud and excitable. I would love to experience this everywhere - but some other autistic folks might be overwhelmed by my volume. I would hope that THEY would remove themselves from the stimuli bothering them instead of asking me to be quieter (though I obviously manage my volume for friends that voice this to me directly). I hope this makes sense! 💛💛 and it comes from a place of love! I’m so happy you understand what sets you off and I’m sure that’s a huge challenge - I wonder how you might support yourself in spaces where you can’t control the smells around you?