What are some of the best out-of-context quotes from your campaigns? #5

[@Rauvi]

“You look about as thick as you’re supposed to.” - My character to another party member, who was wearing two separate masks at once.

[@TheSkeletonVA]

“You are now within kissing distance of Strahd.” “Yes, you can proc sneak attack on the bone golem by head butting it.”

[@olahmundo]

"I would like to buy... something I can use to see" "Eyes? You want eyes?" "No, not that!" *Puts a jar full of eyes on the table* "but I have eyes!" "Why do you have eyes?? No! I want something to see from afar" "Oh, you want glasses! I have glasses too!" "No! I want something to see from reeeally far away!" "Like a telescope?" "Oh, I thought there weren't telescopes in this world" "Darling, we're medieval, not prehistoric"

[@atsukana1704]

Proceeds to continue trying to sell eyes at the counter

[@MattHew-rq8zw]

this one cracked me up real good, by Asmodius, this one had me good - at this pace it could snowball further.

[@NerdyCatCoffeeee]

@@atsukana1704 can you stack eyes?

[@TeamRedWolf11]

Hey you made it into part 6 good work! Now give use more damnit

[@JacobL228]

It was actually invented 150 years after the medieval ages; the medieval equivalent was a spyglass.

[@sportsnut1473]

We had a couple good ones in my campaign. “Can I stack aids?” “Nope I’m going to swallow the cactus!” “Like an aggressive caressing of the chin”

[@ignacioperez5479]

.... what is the context of the cactus one?

[@sportsnut1473]

@@ignacioperez5479 the party joked about a piece of cactus being a garnish for a drink that another party member accidentally created in a desert town. So when the party member that was late to join the group ordered one he didn’t see how other consumed it and his character has low INT so he took a couple points of piercing damage consuming a beverage

[@ignacioperez5479]

@@sportsnut1473 hahahaha. i love it

[@GZilla311]

The worst part is I fully understand that first one, and the answer is probably no (temp HP replaces a prior source).

[@dudethedudedude6690]

"I got 50ft of rope, I'm using it all." The Tiefling Pirate Rogue in our campaign when tying up a prisoner in a questionable way.

[@NerdyCatCoffeeee]

"I paid for the whole rope, so I'm going to use the whole rope!"

[@ShadowSerp-Deo]

Ral: "I'm gonna roll seduction." Zeniba: "And I'm going to watch." Kieshniek: "Is praying a free action?" William: "I know what's going to happen when I turn into a rat. I'm going to have big giant rat balls." Kieshniek: "D'Aw, I can hear Dakra's cat and it's so cute" Osium, in the background: *Loud ass Cat scream* Kieshniek: "???" Dakra, to his cat: "If you don't want cuddles take the damn monkey" Clay: "doing his monkey noise" Dakra: "Thank you all for being the circus in the background"

[@drakemagnus9846]

"Can I roleplay as the orc's diaper?" Player: Steals tent Also Player: "Can I roll to gaslight [other player] into thinking it's been my tent all along" DM: Uh... sure, give me a Deception check *player rolls a 1* DM: "You've never seen a tent in your life, let alone own one"

[@JacobL228]

Gaslighting the gaslighter; that's gold!

[@GymbalLock]

"Geo gives Kishkumen the evil eye" "Kishkumen hands it back. 'You dropped this, miss!'"

[@bronzegears6281]

Barbian Druid: "quick someone slap my ass!" Barbian Warlock: *in OwO voice* "Holy shit... I can see though time..." Sorcerer Warlock: *using mage hand* "Let's see a mimic get me this time!" Monk: *crying in corner* "But I don't wanna be filled with spiders again..." Blood Hunter turned Palidan: "I'm getting the distinct smell of salt water and its giving me a rash." Rouge: "I will stab this mother trucker with my own shoe if I have to." Kobold Cleric: "where's my papoose?"

[@Lord_Inquisitor_William7391]

Artificer: "What are you gonna do? Build a bomb?" Ranger: "yes"

[@chubbyanimalenthusiast70]

“DEATH BY CHEESE” “goats are dirty traitors” “I want to pet the almighty squirrel” “CHEESE BONK” “I want all the hats you have” “I want to feed my snail gold mage bones” “they’re hot and they’re cold they’re electricuted and *dead* “

[@WazaAenor]

One that has become a running thing in my campaign, "I aggressively jiggle the doorknob" in another campaign, "No you can lasso the flesh warped drider and use her to attack the town that exiled you" and yet another, "I smack the maul welding xulgath with the plant"

[@selenamcmahan9234]

Hi I just had my second ever session for my first dnd game. I play a fairy druid named Fern. On Monday we had that session when your characters meet each other for the first time. My DM was super kind and just let us roleplay all our conversations. Here are a few notable ones that I can remember "Your such a Munk mouth" "Do you have any bandages? Becouse I think I scared my knees falling for you" "You just like parallel park your ship" "It's not my fault it was misspelled on the birth certificate"

[@RebootedTitan]

"WHY'D YOU SHOOT MY HAND!!" Session zero of a star wars campaign

[@ramonasawatsky8875]

“I killed your puppy.” - My character to the goblin tribe leader (a bugbear) just before my character killed him, execution style, with my crossbow.

[@Justinius117]

"Shit! I ran out of RAM!" - Warforged fighter being knocked unconscious. "I'm like a Half-Orc Charlie Daniel's when I've got my fiddle in hand!" - Half-Orc bard convincing the Casino talent scout to let him perform.

[@kayleesmith9757]

Got some notable ones: - "Can I eat the child?" - "I want to burn the child" - "I punt the child and run out of the room" - "Whale God? Sounds fake."

[@gary4014]

Whale god is totally fake

[@CodaBlair]

That's a lot of child harm related ones 🤨

[@ilovekitties1993]

What does your party have against children?

[@marohaidh4451]

"Your hand cannot escape from Callamus' ass."

[@katiehughes6432]

My character *heavy fake brooklyn accent: "one child loses a hand and suddenly everyone is up in arms" the Kitsune: "well except the child" my DM: laughed untill he passed out on the floor

[@senor-achopijo3841]

Guard: "What is the meaning of this?" Warlock: "Excuse me sir, we're having a yelling contest. And I'm winning."

[@wschnabel1987]

"I can taste the evil from him and it tastes like grape soda!" Gnoll paladin in a one shot campagin I was in after he used 'detect evil' in combination with a 'perception roll' to lick the clearly disgusted gaurd.

[@pLanetstarBerry]

Wizard: "Bard, can you be a mean girl?" Bard: "Uh... I don't know-" Wizard: "Rogue, can you be a-" Rogue: "Yes, let's drag this fool!" Different Bard (distressed): "Why does everything in the underdark have tentacles?!" DM: "The bandits believe your illusionary rum ham." Different DM: "congratulations, everyone is spitting on the hinges now." Bone Devil: "You are insane. Most people learn their lesson the first time they get cursed and move on, but no- you are too stubborn for that! Get away from the piano and stay away!" (Bone Devil was yelling at my bard after getting caught messing with a cursed piano for the third time.) Edit: my favorite smell is cardamom. I like how sweet, citrus-y and spicy it smells.

[@joshuabarnes9596]

"You see, it's like talking to a mushroom vs talking to a damp paper towel" "YOU WERE SPEAKING BIRD!!!"

[@Night4fingers]

From our GM : "No, I'm not giving a towel an armor rating"

[@MeyerLeah990]

"You perform your raindance by dropping onto the ground and wiggling like you're having a seizure."

[@simonprod1001]

"I turn my bag of holding inside out as I fly over the Druids' Grove." *DM gasps in horror as she has to figure out what 1000 alchemy fire will do to a forest*

[@geraldhobbs1487]

Character to orc: I am your conscious. Orc: UGH!

[@GroPenji]

"Are we really going to crucify him on a cross?"

[@michaelreuter2524]

Playing as the DM getting ready for an encounter later that night, the party was eating in a restaurant. I wasn't paying attention when I hear the Druid say "Why yes, I'd love it if you tossed my salad." and held her bowl out to the Bard. My head shot up for obvious reasons...

[@eldritchblaaa9395]

"Hahaha look it's killing him." *In a serious tone* "Oh god it's killing him."

[@redd3255]

"It's not vinegar damage, now is it?" "Goblin Toothpaste."

[@wolfskinchanger]

"So, basically, he's playfully smacking you with a fluffy club."

[@sonicroze]

"Hallucinations are for the Elephant" - Pathfinder campaign. We were doing a trial to earn a local tribe's aid and our Druid had changed into an Elephant for it. The DM made us all roll a D-20 at one point and the only one of us to ace it was the druid, so, she got the vision.

[@skeepodoop5197]

"You now look like a mind flayer." "Hey Strahd! If you don't come fight me in the next 30 seconds you're a coward!" "Wait a minute... marrying Demons isn't normal!" "I lead them into the other room to make a 'cake' then actually start making a bomb."

[@magenstaffarts]

Curi: "Tell me, what is your name?" Solar: "My na--" Curi: "You know, nevermind, your name is Neal. I command you NEAL!" And then Curi took the Solar's feet out from under him and made him kneel. (DM) Sage: "You find a fork in the road." Lia: "I pick it up." (DM) Sage: "Add one fancy dinner fork to your inventory." Errakus Jr.: "Dudes, what just hit me?" Asteria: Showing up in the nick of time. "The power of the sun seeing as you got nailed by a Solar."

[@askreddit3021]

“ I got an intelligence of 4, how the fuq am I the voice of reason? “ - squirrel through speak with animals

[@mikstock]

I've got a couple to offer: NPC: I can't just watch her die! Barbarian: You can go to the other room Druid: It's not breaking and entering if we don't break anything. Then it's just entering. Druid: Can I bunk with someone who can help me if I wake up not moving? Monk: A mortician? DM: I need a strength check to see if you severed Santa's fingers

[@datuguro9029]

“HE’S TRYING TO EAT THE BAGEL”

[@cashcloakburmy]

From last night’s session. “You’re expecting to invade the capital? Just the four of you?” “We, have- uh, birds.”

[@chescatfalgui3217]

That could work. There was a person in history who burned a city w birds.

[@therunny3201]

"She is senile, in five minutes you can try again" 5 min later "Shit, did we seriously leave the kleptomaniac behind in the living room?" Later same campaign "So a summoning scroll plus a a ring that controls demons plus an unknown artifact. We all know where this is going right?" "He is desperate for a girlfriend?"

[@13thMaiden]

"STOP FEEDING HER DEAD BODIES!!!" The paladin screaming at the pirate and barbarian to stop feeding me (playing as a homebrew "intelligent" Mimic) the corpses they needed to get rid of. Paladin was afraid I'd get a taste for humanoid flesh. Too late!

[@maSkizles]

“I run into the cathedral of nilbogs and shout to the war leader that his minions tried to kill me. I put emphasis on the fact that I’m the victim here…”(proceeds to crit fails deception)

[@kylebeardsley6200]

"Strange bird man, you talk a lot of sense and seem very trustworthy" "You fools. That isn't even his final form. *That's* a corpse." "One of which is Infernal, because 'lawyer.'" "Why did they put the courthouse in the landfill?" "Are you a wizard?" "No, but I'm also not a moron" "And sometimes confusing things...like forks" "May I trouble you for a potion of airship?" "Can I test something with you." "If you intend to stab me, then no" "darn" "Corporeal punishment: the punishment was all the living we did along the way" "We do a little reverse masonry" "Ninja's honor!" *everyone rolls Sense Motive* "He's plotting revenge. Whether or not he's capable of it is irrelevant" "If you put a welcome mat in front of your door, vampires take it as permission to enter." "Is the religion called 'not a cult'?" "I invented middle management" "Didn't he clone himself" "No, that was time travel" "Oh, that's much better" "I was one half of a horse's length, or at least 12 cheeseburgers, or 2 standard keyboards, or 5 feet, or 200 keycaps, or the length of a small person, or 1 Dagon away from DEATH" There are so many.

[@darkmatter9643]

Player: “throw the bottle of alchemist fire on the ground and light it” Dm: “at your feet?” Player: “yes” Dm: “ you do realise this will kill the entire party and yourself” Player: “ oh no I have fire resistance”

[@mathybrain8]

"Maybe Hope just isn't much of a killer." "She is, though." "What's a Tabaxi?" -the Tabaxi "I cast Produce Flame to light my hand on fire and stick my fingers in his nostrils."

[@Jessie_Helms]

I have a whole channel in my discord server for out of context quotes lol. Here’s a few of my favorites: “I don’t shoot things, I pickup cursed objects.” “Your character is now canonically a murder hobo.” “What’s a strawberry?” “Well I’ll have you know I’m an animal _and_ an adventurous drunk!” “Last I checked, Kelemvor has nothing against lying, he just hates undead.” “I don’t know if you’ve seen me, I look like a hobo.”

[@Rinkky]

"Well, yes, but customers asking out of city protection work are quite rarer, and I do not believe we'd be utilizing your skillset to the best extent, unless you'd like, to put it simply, be a replacement wagon carrier." My character to the ancient black dragon that's unable to transform, being interviewed for my mercenary company.

[@CodaBlair]

The context makes that one so much better imo

[@cinna8458]

some of my favorites; “they say the nostrils are the eyes of the soul.” “he stabs himself in the holes” “just because he’s a dark elf doesn’t mean you can be racist” these next three are in chronological order: “i’m willing to shoot grandma at point blank range.” “you’re next, grandma.” “that’s a lot of gramage!! flex tape can’t fix that!!” and also “poverty? what’s so bad about poverty?” “i’m taking a ride on the dumbwaiter to hell!”

[@Bob-hc1uy]

"I rOLLeD a SmOoth."

[@arkron81]

"Your plan both failed and succeeded. Congratulations! You're now pregnant."

[@ericb3157]

"mailer daemon" was great! reminds me of a very silly gag in a fan-story: a Thanos wanna-be snapped HIS fingers. a sign appeared that said: "for sale: one planet. cheap." someone says, "oh, he used the REALTY gem", and everyone groans. he also boasted that he was "vincible"...

[@chriscatizzone4585]

“Wait, did you just draw a diagram for an anti-tank mine, from memory‽” “Your bath in the river causes a biohazard downstream.” “I don’t know; the gnome is roaring, he just does that sometimes, don’t worry about it.” “The masseuse is very gentle around you cannon wound.”

[@weaselundercover481]

DM: "How do you kill the bandit?" Party: *encourages vial deeds after extensive research on brown bear anatomy* BarBEARian: "I will not stab him with my bear dick."

[@weaselundercover481]

DM: "Both of you are now being kidnapped by a horse"

[@weaselundercover481]

Artificer: "What is taking you so long?" Rogue: "it would've been a lot easier if you hadn't taken my thumbs away." Artificer: "Well I only need the thumb and I only have a prosthetic hand to spare."

[@tal-tail1960]

Best ooc line from mine undoubtedly has to be "can we make Big Chungus into a suicide bomber"

[@ericb3157]

3:40 reminds me of an old cartoon where a trainee superhero known as "Misty Magic" held her wand "upside down", which caused her "rope trick" to backfire and tie HER up!

[@otakubancho6655]

These episodes are like wandering around in Sheogoraths mind!😆😆😆😆

[@brycaman658]

"I pull out a slightly larger shot glass" "I intimidate him! He's intimidated!" "How many times can you do that?" "As many times as I want" "SCRIDE! Write this down!" my brother "Mike Tyson is the most dangerous person on the planet." my sister "Oh really? I. am the most dangerous person on the planet." "TUVLO! BLAST HIM!!!" my 4 int cleric "what was him name again? Finkle Dink?" the whole table groans unanimously "Harbin Wester" "I enter my sentry's rest" "Why?" "It says I can do it whenever I want!" "I swear Johnny if you fail this." rolls a 1. "You want to use your draconic essence on his teeth?" Nods furiously "What are your cantrips?" "Uhh Vampiric touch." He's never played a caster before but still???

[@GamingMasterAnthony]

“Oh god… the circus is coming to town isn’t it?” “CALLED IT!” “I push the captain of the guard down the elevator shaft” “So anyways, I started blastin’” “Lick him”

[@DBfan106]

some of the more recent ones from my campaign. "are you asking if you can sell your soul for a sandwich?" "That's why I don't eat. I don't trust sandwiches." "They're bitches, they don't deserve burials!" these last two are together. "What the FUCK is today!?" "I don't know, I think it's a nice day!"

[@juliagoodwin9510]

"Godddamnit, Apollo!" From a Pathfinder campaign I was in, this was practically our rat man's catchphrase whenever our gunslinger did something stupid.

[@kaikoacorvikeiagreen3265]

I’ve got a couple Player “The kids just have to dress different… and sharpen their ears.” The same player, a few sessions later; “Oh my god, it’s Purple Jesus!” Shortly followed by; “Can we kill Purple Jesus?!” And a few sessions later; “Fuck you, dragon! So now I do extra damage, right?” Different player; “Can I summon a striper to distract the orcs while I drown them in Holy Water?”

[@etccte1]

"I bite the dragon", says the dwarf while grappling with a flying dragon

[@scorpioperk1137]

Oh boy lets see: DM: "Pafir has once again drawn agro because he is a rabbit-person." Pafir: "I REFUSE TO BE EATEN IN THIS WAY!" Steldarth: "I was just going down to have a drink." Pafir: "They only serve beer and you know that you wine-junkie, what are you REALLY doing?" Kaz: "Can I roll to seduce the buff bartender?" Pafir: (whispers) "I was just being supportive." Underground Fight Club Champion: "WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT SPEAKING?!" DM: "OH GOD DAMNIT! YOU GUYS FIGHT THE FISHERMEN AND LITERALLY GET BLOWN UP, BUT YOU BECAME BEST FRIENDS WITH THE DINOSAUR?!" Pafir: "In my defense, they heckled us first, and all I did was insinuate the size of their boat was compensating for something." DM: "... you know what? fine. Name a number 1-100, if i roll it, the book becomes primordial instead of celestial." Pafir: "Ok fair, 6." DM: (rolls in front of us)... "You. Cannot. Be. SERIOUS." DM: (heavy sigh) "So, through a brief lull in the blizzard, Pafir catches sight of Kaz, on his back, nearly dead from the blind Ancient White Dragons breath attack... and that for some reason he is extremely aroused while looking at the dragon." While I was thinking up quotes and therefore scenes from the campaign, I have come to realize my character, Pafir the Harengon, is an absolute agent of chaos without even trying.

[@metalclawsteelheart]

2:14 that struck a chord with me, as we made friends with an NPC named tobias when our campaign started, and i was like, "Is that us?" But no, it's not

[@spindacollector]

“No! You killed my new friend you guys.” my character to the rest of the party after being caught and bound while they all were hiding .

[@sophiescott143]

14:07 "Never trust an owl! They're all liars!" "Who?!?!!?" I choked on my drink lol

[@KorenKorca]

My group has collected a bunch of crazy quotes. Let me give some of the best ones. "Ranger, can you come in here? The bard is being a bard again." ~The fighter. "Tweet tweet, motherfeather!" ~The aarakocra's catchphrase. "Yes, the genasi is a half-orc." "Did you just say she has disadvantage on WALKING???" "What is your sub-class?" "My name is Austin." "He's half dwarf, half orc. He's dworcish." "We're in an evil cult's flying fortress, we have every right to be overly cautious." "Because of his intelligence the rogue is a not a flat earther." (Note, our dnd world is flat.) "I don't know what's going on, so I'm just gonna keep throwing magic shit!" The rogue, every time he blinds himself with his own magic item "Long story short we got a cat that is about to unleash an eldritch abomination on us all" "The barbarian literally just broke hell."

[@the_fan_zone8010]

There’s some gems in my campaign -“They look like burnt toddlers” -"I want you to go do something social, maybe with girls", “Are you THAT desperate for grandchildren?" -“chicken is just beef” -“I’m encyclopedia bitch” -“I’m fat-shaming the cat and I’m proud of it” -“a snake with its head cut off is an adolescent frog”

[@SechzigRayner]

"Do you want me to clean behind here?" "It's part of the wheel, aint it?"

[@rebasack21]

The baked bean cult one really made me laugh bc if a bean cult exists Rhett from Good Mythical Morning is 100% the leader of it and a campaign based around that would be hilarious and awesome

[@marcusreading3783]

*Gets resurrected* Oliva: Are you ok? Rosa: I'll live

[@meth_squirrel]

"Damn it nestor! You reminded her to slay me not lay me!" A very upset warlock bard to his wizard buddy as the assasin attacks him

[@Brorca]

"Congratulations! You killed the boss with a rotisserie chicken!" "Have you ever seen four crocodiles explode in one day? No? Well, now you have." "Ronald McDonald, battered, and beaten, casts one last fireball." "Your character is now male, btw."

[@xaidn6019]

Some of my favourites: "Mushed pear is not a suitable adhesive for a doomsday device" "Thinks about it like this: you can see land from land, but you can see stars from water" "Now there's mayonnaise all over the floor" "My entire character's theme is jugs" "Maybe we should lick it until it comes off" "Short People Smoothie" "Stand back and help me piss in the silver chest, Shape Water is our only hope now"

[@epopynot]

"I want to ride the lighting!" proceeds to step into cleric's moon beam post combat.

[@wardenohellmonday5449]

"DM? I want to end this fight" "Right? Whatcha doin" "I wish to violently caresses the last orcs face. With my axe" "Breh-" Also, "why do you want your character want to a cripple?" "So I can make alot of puns. Example; this fights goin' so long that I can't st-" "Nope, f@ck you, your not being old man Gregory." "D:"

[@mr.reborn5518]

Fuji: Hey there little guy, wanna come with me? Me and the other player, out of character: IT IS A MUSHROOM.

[@annie1313uwu]

My friends and i have a group chat dedicated to our weird out of context statements we say during dnd. I have too many to post here, so I'll just leave my favorite: Because I'm blind I see everything using the echo location of my dummy thicc ass cheeks. (If anyone cares, the monk was blinded but rolled so high on perception checks and kept knocking out enemies that this became canon)

[@CheesyKnobby]

"I was told violence was not the answer... I think I have proven that wrong"

[@Aequinoctus]

Our D&D Discord server has a text channel dedicated to memorable quotes. Here are a few of them: "I could write songs about your genitalia" "Bear" "Bear?" "Bear" (This one's labelled as "Highly intellectual dialogue between the bard and a kenku") "He's basically a Kobold that breaks the Geneva convention by using Agent Orange on you guys" "As you get back onto the deck of the ship with your groceries, you see a polar bear burst out of the captain's quarters. He's whining in fear of the enraged Grey Render that soon follows him. What do you do?"

[@Daniel_Coffman]

I totally wasn't imagining a "LEEROY JENKINS!!" after the, "I wasn't paying attention, LET'S GO!" God dang it, Leeroy.

[@theofficerfactory2625]

Favorite sight and smell and sound? The smell of burning coal; the shrill of the whistle; the sight of the iron horse running down the road made of iron.

[@theicebringerlemur]

"In Dwarvish, Yummy Yums." "Rats?! That's only one soul."

[@devidevil888]

"One way or another you're walking out with me." My fairy necromancer who worked as a bounty hunter

[@henryhere]

Me: "I cast thunder wave" Dm: "the civilian goes flying 15 feet out and lands in the snow"

[@dragonkun15]

"So what happened, was the druid eaten by the giant crocodile?!" Takes off glasses dramatically. "He is the giant crocodile..."

[@das_gruuben]

"You see what you made me do!?!?" My druid, leaping off of a slaver's ship as it explodes.

[@VidelxSpopovich]

“I promise to never use Galder’s Tower like that again… unless he survived.”

[@marcusfabela3024]

“You look like you lost a fight with a color spray wizard” that’s all you need

[@Thygone-b1p]

2 druids and a herd of cows enter into the king's throne room. One druid steps forward and proclaims, "We are here for a quest!"

[@TheNoobRapter]

Some that I remember from my games "These people have brass ones" -WW2 vet after seeing a German town not caring about the current ghost and reanimated dead currently attacking the town. "Dame these injens (Indians)"- the Ghost cowboy said to himself after the angel of Thor flew away. "Do gods poop?"- the the orphan to the king. "I have the hard of hearing flaw.","What?","I SAID I HAVE THE HARD OF HEARING FLAW."- the player with the hard of hearing flaw talking to the GM. "...Time travel to the past to help us.","Don't worry guys I am going to...", "Wait a second who was that guy?"- the talking spider who can travel thru time in the worst way possible "My name is Edger", "Oh great he is a monster", "And im the navigator", Oh great he is necessary"- Edger the navigator talking to the rouge trader. "My dark master will send you to a realm of torment", "Bitch, im from Jousy (Jersey)"- a douche from new Jersey yelling at a cult leader. "Looks like we have a good old fashion pimp off"- the player said to out pimp a pimp. "lets use their small intestines to fashion a tripwire to kill those zombie, I'll start.", "Or we can just use their shoelaces", "When was that an option"- two zombie survivors building a trap. "Eh.. its 90% laundry detergent anyway"- The drug deal said doing laundry. "My second language is Blackfolk"- character creation. "Hold on... I can be naked?"- character creation. "Why are you pointing guns at me?", "Why are you in full riot gear?","... Why are you pointing guns at me?"- a literal carjacking. "Their are two hats, one says M.I.L.F (Man I Love Fishing), the other...", "I choose that one"- players in bass pro shop. "I am to dumb for school"- character creation. "How did I get hear, who are you people?"- a wizard found in the belly of a dragon, "How did I get hear, who are you people?...why do I have a bad case of deja vu?- fighter found in the belly of a dragon (same player as the wizard). "So this girl, does is she the serious seashell seller who sells the shiny seashells at the serene seashore shoppe store south of the small showers of the city"- a player looking for hermit crabs (yes they said this without problem).

[@austinbagley6408]

I had become a little bit of a murder hobo (I was talked to after by our DM), and I killed an NPC that had been trapped somewhere and was basically insane. He was no harm to us, but I blew his brains out with my eldritch cannon. The line that I will probably never forget was our gunslinger fighter telling the new players in the group that "It doesn't normally go from zero to eugenics this fast,"

[@shinrafugitives3880]

I DONT WANT EM PUTTING CHAOS IN THE LIMBO THAT TURNS THE FREAKING SLAADS GRAY

[@baconmoop]

One from yesterday’s session that will haunt me for months, “did you eat our marriage cheese?”

[@thegreatbirdman1792]

OH EASY! “Hello little girl” said my Aarakocran Barbarian

[@xBDYKTNxPlaysGames]

"I cast open/close on the closed door" the door is locked "ooooo using my hands, the best kind of magic!"

[@GymbalLock]

"She doesn't want a lot for Christmas. All she wants is HIM"

[@BothanJedi]

“So, nobody was planning to play a Rogue in our HEIST GAME?”

[@jordanertz3034]

"Lying to tuna is easy." ~Our simic hybrid ranger.

[@michaeli5018]

not sure if this will be seen but: it was actually while making characters for a pathfinder game. "does this mean I can have my familiar snort spell scrolls?"