What are some of the best out-of-context quotes from your campaigns? #4

[@sammountford7585]

"The Kraken was a luxury" followed some months later after an extended oceanic war "The kraken may infact have been a necessity".

[@assfuckerthejointpounder5834]

"Imbecile We stole the Kraken from Chuck Norris is aquarium"

[@ThatTexasGuyyyy]

"If crucifying someone once wasn't a warcrime, the second time on the same person certainly was."

[@FUNN1MAN18]

DM: "Okay, so, you failed to assert your dominance in the ballroom." "Wizard to our Warrior: A sword may kill the body but a fireball kills the soul, You gotta make sure they don't come back as a lich." DM: "No, you can't fuck the tree guardian" Our Bard: "BUT THE SPRUSSY!"

[@MRCSANY]

THE SPRUSSY 💀💀💀

[@VoltageTripwire]

Ah yes, the classic RussianBadger reference... I mean they're not wrong though, have you seen some of the people in Ohio?

[@rogerswil97]

Running joke since the very beginning of the campaign “you can ALWAYS stand on corpses”

[@yf-n7710]

"My chicken is broken. Can you fix it?" "That's a duck."

[@drakegabrielvereto8423]

Barbarian: "I yell on the horses broken leg to heal itself" *leg actually heals itself*

[@TotherKoala]

the power of the Nat 20

[@DomyTheMad420]

i wasn't paying attention and then "this eldrich horror is sponsored by Raid Shadow legends" just hits me and i'm crying of laughter

[@MrShinoTheBugman]

the cleric "You're covered in blood!" the barbarian with a calm smile "Don't worry. it's not my blood. "

[@arinomaly]

"It's an armagooseden!" "I would like to grapple the gnome." "BUFF MOUSE NUNS" "I bitchslap him with Spare the Dying." "I roll to yeet my pet mimic." "I give you my bad luck, take it and weep." "Can we turn Goose into a steam engine?" "I take Iliya's bell and put it in my mason jar of holding." "NOOO!"

[@RayPoreon]

"He was going to be my first mate but I thought that was too credible, he has to be an idiot" -Gruk, Orc captain referring to their ship's Kobold bard cook.

[@magenstaffarts]

"I will curb my swearing. Even in Elvish, Celestial, and Abyssal." "That is NOT the kind of longsword I enjoy." "What next, you gonna tell me the third horse is named Peppermint Patty?" "May I reiterate...FUCK!" "Okay three times is enough." "Why does everyone abuse the cleric? I just wanna play pranks on my friends."

[@lordruxlinhogie5912]

After being told "in the name of the King, drop your weapons!" Me: "Wait, WE were sent by the king, so YOU drop YOUR weapons!"

[@Chris_winthers]

"if you think about it, kidnapping the kids is the only ethical decision"

[@Nox-eg3rq]

Wtf are you guys doing

[@Chris_winthers]

@@Nox-eg3rq have you heard of the trolley problem?

[@Nox-eg3rq]

@@Chris_winthers I see where this is going So did you do it

[@burningdisgrace362]

@@Chris_winthers did you do it?

[@bazpire609]

@@Chris_winthers did you do it?

[@kyleward3914]

"To answer your question, no, you can't drown a cloud." "Can ghosts sweat underwater?" "The frogs just wanted it more." "Surprise surgery!"

[@funnyvideoguy3216]

That last one tho ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️

[@kyleward3914]

@@funnyvideoguy3216 The DM gave me an axe that dealt its "damage" as healing. I quickly realized I could use opportunity attacks to hit allies with it as they walked past me. Hence, hitting someone with my axe and shouting "Surprise surgery!"

[@Jessie_Helms]

“Either we kill him or we have a social interaction, and I have a charisma of -3” _Under his breath, standing in the corner of the room_ “Cape billow dramatically, cape billow dramatically, cape billow dramatically….” “What do you MEAN you left the giant ice gate on top of the fortress open?!?!” “Well, we thought maybe… we could use it as an escape…” “NONE OF US CAN FLY!” “Why would someone shit in this tiny wooden temple to the moon goddess?”

[@adamfutch6719]

My wife. "I'm aware that I have a longsword and bow. I WANT to use the shovel."

[@noguy0829]

“Can I get an elite force of battle trained pigeons?” “I tell the otters to throw all their grenades down the tunnel.” “Ok, you successfully absorb the guards and the crackhead otter.” “I’m gonna T-Pose up to the floating island” “Can I murder this innocent pig?” “The librarian shouts, ‘DIE!!’ And throws a dagger, which lands between your shoulder blades.” “Can I kill *anything* with this sword?” “I want to challenge the boss to a dance battle.” “Yes, I want to help the big turtle commit genocide.” “My parents were killed by a big naked orc with a really long beard.” “Yeah, that Axolotl burned down our temple.” “Don’t you remember? My hand is a mace.” “Yeah, so we’re pretty much the same person”

[@jaenotjae6147]

One, don't give me ideas I already need a sword or knife crab 2, DONT KILL AN INNOCENT ANIMAL only kill them if they committed war crimes

[@assfuckerthejointpounder5834]

What about a dragon that for some reason didn't develop an obsession with hoarding valuables had been cursed by a witch to live as a half-orc half elf unless it's barbarian self get so mad that it can no longer get any more mad, in which case it revert back to its neon pink Dragon form. Imagine this thing can summon a femur is that has reached three times the bone mineral density and therefore is equal Mass but three times stronger than steel and falls from so high up that it is bathed in flame due to re-entering the atmosphere. Now how is that for an idea.

[@StarlitNova12]

My favorites out of these are: "Yes, I want to help the big turtle commit genocide" And "Yeah, that axolotl burned down our temple"

[@jessewilley531]

Spock: Your bedside manner reminds me of a medical officer I served with many years ago. My character (the group's counselor) Why thank you, sir. Spock: It was not intended as a compliment.

[@xaldrortenderofthevats8948]

"You cant eat my intelligence, I dont have any!" My Tempest Domain Cleric with 9 intelligence to the Mind Flayer.

[@GearShotgun]

Mind Flayer: “How would an idiot like you know what I can and cannot do?”

[@sniclops15]

"So, to recap... how many chickens do you want for your army?" "5. Will probably grab more later"

[@kayq3231]

"Is there a punch card for this?" I ask as I wake up tied to a chair for a 4th time in the same campaign. or "Um... sorry. No can do. I'm allergic to conversion rituals. Yeah. Doctor is totally against it."

[@marcusreading3783]

We have an entire room in our discord for out of context quotes. Here are some recent one: "I need an UNhorny spell!" - Olivia "isn't that just a bat?" - Rosa "When a GOD goes OOPS" - Olivia points to Guy "Tits!"- Olivia "they're the furry collection!" - Jamie @ Rosa and the Twin Cats kelvin: i am a gentleman rosa: BULLSHIT

[@AjiraCtelin1993]

"Does cancer break damage reduction??" "It's a zero-stress situation. Either you win, or it's not your problem anymore." "None of the people I've killed have been dying." "How many fourth walls do I need to rebuild, ??" "Oh!! One of them has a mouthful of wasps!!" "Godric plus crowd equals fuckshit. I know Math."

[@madamemimikyu1737]

Some hilights from my WOD group: "Not only is it a zombie rat, it's a psychoanalyst zombie rat!" "Are you setting up a proper interrogation room to question the pair of shoes?" "I drop my pants in solidarity!" "I can't be leader, I took off my pants for no reason" "Someone find me a blanket! Dave is being oblivious and i need hands!" "Wait... have these children been fighting off a skinwalker?"

[@NA-zs4xi]

My favorite is still, "death is so dissapointed in you pretending to be dead in front of him that he decides kicking your ass isn't worth it and leaves"

[@bluexdalek1997]

As a new DM, I already have a favorite quote from the opening session. "Oh good, dinner and a show". Yaun Ti to Rabbit and Minotaur.

[@maglag]

By one companion NPC we had for a time: "Less talking, more revolution" On another different campaign, one of the players went: "Ah yes, that's just capitalism for you". Said player's character was a child.

[@StarlitNova12]

Good kid

[@CookiehsAndDreams]

"Always drink weird substances" "Yes, hand me your skull" both said by the same bard; he was great.

[@vforvenom9337]

"DM, I'd like to kill their entire crew." Player says after rolling a nat 20 on a cannon fire roll.

[@bruceman360]

"I use his ass like a table and place my mug on it. It's covered in glue." "HELP! I'm being attacked by a bush! It has a gun!" "You use minor illusion to make the harrengon, who is covered in blood, look like Big Chungus." "With my evasion, I dodge sound itself!" "Using explosive paper and the acid bananas I've made grenades." "I killed a mammoth with a sub sandwich!" "So he's half-inevitable? Does that make him certain?" "The dog's teeth are snake fangs. All of them are snake fangs." "The god of revenge wants to date me and I'm terrified!" GM: "The evil witch picks up and throws one of the children." Player: "I'm six foot tall and wearing full-plate." GM (Laughing): "The child impacts the paladin in steel full plate armor and falls to the floor unconscious! You are angry but not hurt, roll imitative!"

[@alastairp2775]

"The sword falls from the wall, smashing a hole in the floor, and emanating an unusually echii moan."

[@EclipseDoesArt]

Other character: Hey! Quit making sense! My character, a literal twelve-year-old: Well SOMEBODY in this group has to!

[@lechking941]

fucking love the childen who make more sense the adults

[@EclipseDoesArt]

@@lechking941 what makes it even funnier is that I was playing with my dad’s group, so while I was several years older than my character I was, irl, also one of the group babies XDD

[@lechking941]

@@EclipseDoesArt XD now THATS what fucking makes this joke even better this is a event of with context its EVEN MORE gut killer.

[@ltericdavis2237]

“Ingredients Izzy was able to loot: -rotting troll bile -a few still moving mind flayer tentacles. -However much mimic goop you want -The broth from a semi dead dwarf -Glowing mushrooms” “Yeah sure, your vomit counts as a sneak attack” “After seeing this display, the cultist yells fuck this and yeets himself out the window.” “How much damage does the cleric deal?” “Like when he swings his mace?” “No, if I use him as a weapon” “My end goal now is to make god drunk”

[@lowlife1368]

“Alright the guards will be here anime that’s just enough time to teach a cat to throw this axe”

[@moshu9952]

"Milfed" "Which hag has proficiency in tanners tools???" "NFPs (Non fungible pebbles)" "You... youre a donkey?????" "Plant flesh? no, Plesh" "I cant die because I dont wanna" "WHO GAVE THE CHILD THE SENDING STONE?!?!?!" * solemn recorder recital noises * "We're gonna be the sole reason that the Magical cps forms"

[@colleenbuckley4639]

“How did your dad get inside you” one of the players said this, realized what he said, and just walked away

[@NJMiguess]

"Shut up let him seduce the clam" -bottom text

[@StellarTempest]

"Is DMing a skill check?" "No it's a will save." "...I could never live up to the description of an obsessive, schizophrenic dwarf with an unquenchable desire for purple beholder paraphernalia?" "Under the effect of this charm, you will breathe underwater as you breathe on land..." "Oh nice!" "...But you still can't breathe underwater, so you're drowning." "Oh no." *Aggressively screaming in their face* "Did you drink any water!?"

[@HartnellDev]

"I use the wireless magic router to steal the elder witch's bazooka!"

[@somegoodsoup7008]

"ALL OF MY WORK!!!" "MY DRAGON!!!" "Aster get the Mitosis Lizard!" "Zeldrum is now in a boxing match with the Mitosis Lizard in the bag of holding." (I started playing the Punch Out theme during this time) "Aster pops out under the snow with a Santa hat and beard..."

[@TheGentleGiant7]

"Aww Asmodeus really loves his daughter and is actually a good guy." Said by the 13 year-old level 20 monk who also killed a tarrasque in one hit.

[@jacquese.f.m.paganel1530]

13 year old level 20 monk? Aang, is that you?

[@TheManInBlueFlames]

Brian once again proving why he's the best voice actor!

[@RebelliousKorlath]

I'm so glad our quotes made it into the video! QuQ I'll post the last edited addition to the Sylus Hawthorne journal entries soon! And yes, WarCrimes.EXE is still available, and our Cleric is being given therapy!

[@styxriverr5237]

"I regret nothing." *followed by a flame infused slap.* The context is while our kitsune ninja was drunk my character petted her tail, she learned of this afterwards... And was not pleased.

[@lechking941]

were did the slap hit? as if anyplace south of the chest its a problem

[@styxriverr5237]

It was a slap to the face, left cheek right in his blind spot as he was missing the left eye. He completely deserved it as he made a habit of annoying her and her bodyguard because they where too nosy into his own business of trying to die in combat.

[@lechking941]

@@styxriverr5237 so basicly a already existing problem was just drunkenly evelated :P

[@jaenotjae6147]

"I can give her a sandwich from bag lady" "I'm signing my own death certificate here" "We are not killing children" "You are talking to the person who sees a dragon and will put it like a dog" All of these were said by my character in a homebrew campaign, here are some from other characters "Oh no I made mommy mad" "Fuck you I'm quoting that" "You were in my dream. A human? A dog? A furry!"

[@Nox-eg3rq]

Is your caracter an elf bard whose the group's only Brian cell

[@jaenotjae6147]

@@Nox-eg3rq No my character is a cat who is probably the dumbest person in the party

[@Nox-eg3rq]

@@jaenotjae6147 well it would have been funny if I was correct 🤣🤣 I also haw do you even play as a cat

[@jaenotjae6147]

@@Nox-eg3rq easiest explanation is I'm a mix of tabaxi and kahjit from Skyrim so I just say cat,

[@Nox-eg3rq]

@@jaenotjae6147 oh that's haw I was thinking of a random ass house cat🤣

[@romeolautarosimoni9674]

Our wood elf ranger: "I'll drink with the orc woman to seduce her." Me, being the only one in the party that knows how to speak orc: But you can't communicate with her if I already went to sleep... Our rogue tiefling: Sex is an universal language, it has no barriers.

[@Nox-eg3rq]

Nice

[@thatsmuggamer]

I mean the Rogue is right though

[@Konpekikaminari]

"The scriptures may talk about the sanctity of life, but you're certainly taking advantage of their failure to mention kneecaps"

[@EpicHeroes713]

"you even try army crawling, but pebbles still fly in your face"

[@Dozerz]

“Your scimitar now glows a little bit, that’s it”

[@camel_of_the_mojave8772]

Patron to the sorcerer "that's not a mouth."

[@lathandershalberd9254]

“ I take off my armor and jump in the water” “Can I put my javelin in horse manure so it’s poisonous?”

[@coecalmosh9659]

“Litches get stitches… nat 1, f***!” “Wait, adventurer packs have tinder boxes in them, I pull my tinder box out and swipe left!” DM: “okay, what message do you want the spell to convey?” Me, inhales deeply: “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! P.S. mission complete.”

[@lotuswraith]

That crack about the Geneva Conventions had me roaring with laughter.

[@lbpblitz]

"I need to smuggle in some weapons, and this one is a bit to big to pass a cavity search"

[@pugking1233]

"You're a Paladin of FUCKING healing" For context me and my party came across some chained up wolfs that looked kind of hurt I wanted to help them my friend the paladin suggested we kill them

[@GearShotgun]

Question: was their deity a nature god? Because if not, they might not have felt the need. jk.

[@pugking1233]

@@GearShotgun lawful good

[@GearShotgun]

@@pugking1233 my bad, I somehow misread the post and thought the paladin just said to leave ‘em. Yeah killing an in character for a healing pally

[@pugking1233]

@@GearShotgun we did actually talk about this on our way to the next session turns out that is only one of the options he thought of but the only one he vocalized without realizing it

[@LeFisheboi]

13:24 no that's a good idea, while inside the antimagic cone your immune to its other eyes, smart

[@adamagee2674]

“I’m a tortle, we don’t have lips… that makes ‘playing wind instruments’ hard”

[@daemonwolf1]

Not in character but more a player comment: "We killed his mother, and I got some healing out of it."

[@Garurugirl1]

" well, you guys give a fairy dragon a horde and a lair." (we give it a candy shop)

[@diamond_chaos]

“I use a rock to flash bang then awake” Also “is it illegal to eat a elf”

[@travisdeulen6536]

“I don’t think you are proficient in throwing skulls”

[@emmapicott449]

From my very first campaign: "No poop cannon in the melee zone!" 😹

[@Amadmaniac1]

"I stick my fingers in his mouth." "Raise your hand if you think I'm a vampire." followed by everyone raising their hands, me being the first. "I felt sorry because you were attacked, and now I regret nothing." "I ASSURE YOU THIS IS NEITHER SWEET NOR LOVING!!!"

[@nlrexx1]

"Ok, final verdict, undressing is a full round action, except via cast-off armor is one action because it's all Chip'n Daled and shit, Iunno. Stop asking."

[@lechking941]

the fact THAT rule was made says something

[@nlrexx1]

@@lechking941 Our wizard was trying to seduce a princess while the rest of the party was fighting assassins downstairs. He had his own turn in initiative.

[@thatsmuggamer]

“Of course you’re the Atheist.” Cleric to my Warforged Artificer “I have a plan!” *vanishes into lamp and proceeds to bicker with Patron for the next however long it takes for the bandits to get into just the right spot for a Thunderwave to be cast on them in an enclosed space* -Senschal Seelie, Changeling Djinni Warlock The trap is horse ASMR

[@somedudewithaniqof2795]

"why am I the only one taking the failed tiamat clone seriously" "how did we miss a sleeping orc 9 times" "f*** ettins" "we recruited a white dragon and it has done nothing to help us"

[@funnyvideoguy3216]

Honestly the dragon is just a waste of logistics at that point

[@lechking941]

@@funnyvideoguy3216 good house pet though :P

[@somedudewithaniqof2795]

@@lechking941 it is not even a houspet because we recruited it in war and did shit as my Wizard got rushed by a angry devil who was not on team communist

[@lechking941]

@@somedudewithaniqof2795 XD lol

[@JonathanMandrake]

In two weeks, I will finally meet my SW RP group again after almost 2 years of not meeting, to play another session. Wish me luck!

[@deadly6studios922]

“OMFG the f@&king popcorn does more damage than a fire ball”

[@connerkline6269]

Intellect Devourer to his Mind Flayer Boss: “Ayo boss. I think there’s someone in the walls,” Mind Flayer: “No way, obviously something scrambled your senses,” We were in their walls.

[@GearShotgun]

That moment when you get the enemy to gaslight each other

[@connerkline6269]

@@GearShotgun unfortunately it meant that eventually found out and we only got 2/3 done with the Glyphs of Warding we were setting up to super buff ourselves. We still did fine though. We just could have been a bit more demigod and it would have been so cool.

[@frogfriend8733]

friend's character: *rolls nat 20 for animal handling* DM: "these horses are your b!tches"

[@OMsRandomWriter]

"So, in theory, yes, six to eight mastiffs can *indeed* pull a wagon with everyone on it."

[@abigailpulliam6996]

An illithid, to my Warlock:"Tell Dimichya I say hello." My warlock, after listening to the void for a second: "Dimichya says, 'new phone, who dis?'"

[@lechking941]

XD now thats a 4th wall shatter worth it.

[@abigailpulliam6996]

@@lechking941 technically wasn't even a 4th wall break. Dimichya is a being beyond time and space. He uses it exclusively for memes

[@lechking941]

@@abigailpulliam6996 lol noted

[@MysteriumArcanum]

Not mine but this was from a live stream a while back. Player: "am I still pantless?" GM: "yes" Player: "ok, nice"

[@davidkelvon7936]

“So let me get this straight, you want to trick the dragon into swallowing your stones?”

[@Oxygen1004]

"So as you fall down multiple stories WITH a little girl in your arms...you take no damage" -Slow fall moment "Foolish, You never won this even if you win!" -Power word killing my PC who spent the entire fight carrying the time altering mcguffin and baiting the BBEG with it "As you stand, 4 arrows in the general vicinity with only 1 it the actual dragon" -Same PC's first session (Joined in the middle), missed 4 attack in a row against the dragon we were fighting to gain control of a stronghold in the mountains

[@thetwojohns6236]

We definitely need more if these.

[@caolanochearnaigh9804]

3:05 The rhythm's a bit off, but what you're singing there is a parody of "Fucked With an Anchor" by Alestorm, a Scottish pirate metal band. They're brilliant!

[@hollowedmajora475]

thank you I'm glad someone gets this what's your favorite alestorm song?

[@caolanochearnaigh9804]

@@hollowedmajora475 It's a tie between "Fucked with an Anchor" and "Keelhauled".

[@ZAR-Flaxorus09]

“So what does this magic armor do?” Npc: “ it gives 15 strength” This happened about 10 minutes into a campaign that my 10 year old brother is running for me. He never read any of the books so he had a very loose grasp on the rules. Let’s just say that a level 3 Dragonborn ended up killing an adult blood dragon by himself. Some later quotes include: “I’ll enchant your scimitars with sunburst and meteor swarm for 15 gold each” “You better stop selling those bells and whistles or else I’ll killed you!!” “I sell diamonds, you can buy one for only 2 gold.”

[@dashyburd]

"dnd does lay on hands make you sober" Google search my players made me do. They make me ask the real questions.

[@HiHello-nk5mc]

"a perverted owlbear was watching me sleep"

[@GearShotgun]

Yeah I’m gonna need the story behind that one

[@HiHello-nk5mc]

@@GearShotgun my character woke up from a dream where they were in a cave behind a waterfall and just knew they were so far from civilization no one would ever find them and there was an owlbear. When he woke up that is what he said. My DM did not like that because she described it beautifully.

[@silkmonkey]

“Hello, we’re from the tiger trap installation company to install your pungee pit tiger trap combo…yes, that’s a thing you ordered.”

[@kjellizar]

"-could you for the love of God stop eating sentient creatures?!?!?! -corpses aren't sentient.. *awkward Silence*" my lizardfolk gunslinger Scarscake doesn't like to waste meat so tends to eat any corpse after combat. The bard Archibald who has a pretty weak stomach tried again and again to get my LF to ease the meatfeast. no luck as of yet.

[@GearShotgun]

To be fair, if your party is on the road or out in the wilderness, that *would* help to conserve rations, at least for yourself. If the bandits/cultists/monsters wanted you dead, I see no problem with turning them into a post battle snack

[@lechking941]

@@GearShotgun SAME

[@onimenno]

Wait...the storm giant just hit the beholder for a home run with his axe? Dibs on the toothpick!!! The tabaxi rogue shoots you in the left ass cheek. Roll for damage.

[@hastenedsloth2126]

There are two quotes from my last campaign that stick out. "Where did I put my cultist?" - Me forgetting where I put an enemy on the battle map, was a joke between the group for a bit. "We have a Cleric." - Our Fighter's response to the Artificer informing him that the Rogue seems to be getting threatened by the guy he met to try and get information about a cult they were tracking. Fighter then threw an explosive slab of stone at the shady cultist guy which activated his fail-safe, causing him to explode, leveling a city block in the process.

[@GearShotgun]

What happened after the explosive slab blew up the city block?

[@hastenedsloth2126]

@@GearShotgun Players rolled pretty well on their saves, only two of em took a lot of damage from the explosion. Cultists rushed in while they were recovering and ambushed them. Party won, had to explain everything to the guards, thrn they spent some time figuring out where to go next based on the information that got from that whole encounter.

[@RandomInternetStranger]

My favorites, from various campaigns: (from Cleric) "it's not waterboarding, it's a tactical baptism!" "MEGA CUM BLAST!" (what follows is the enemy getting one-shot by said blast, a bout of laughter, and several more blasts) (from a wererat that likes rhymes, living in the sewers) "Fiddle-di-doo, fiddle-di-dee, your piss belongs to me!" "Wait, you did tell everyone in the inn to evacuate... right?" (no, they did not) "Actions are louder than words and this gun's pretty fucking loud." "To be fair, there are two types of stealth: No bodies for the guards to find, or no guards to find the bodies." "It isn't always about how many records you can break. Sometimes it's about being the reason there's an entire chapter added to the rule book" "The only thing I'm surrounded by is fear and dead men." “I don’t need a ride, I need AMMUNITION.” "Remember to check up on the newest version of the cookbook and that there is only 1 rule in warfare- have fun!" "this is what social media thought the Joker movie would do to people" “You know you’re on the wrong side of history, right?” No, I’m on the side that will be around to tell the story. "I wouldn't have started this war if I planned on losing." "Violence was the only language that my oppressor spoke. Luckily, I was fluent." "Attaching a balloon that says 'get well soon' to the ankle of a corpse is not rendering aid!" And, finally, from the (secretly chaotic evil) barbarian: “You’re the last one left!” “Good, nobody’s stealing my kills.”

[@GearShotgun]

Ngl, those are some fucking epic one liners. Im definitely stealing the “actions speaker louder than words, and this gun is pretty loud” one

[@evin_b]

“I mean, it’s an entire school of magic. I’m sure some of them breed.”

[@Panroles]

I like to imagine that the "falcon punch" quote was said by an aarakocra.

[@badideagenerator2315]

seems likely considering that they have claws as a racial trait

[@PiratePawsLive]

Other Player: "We should get some provisions for the long track ahead" Me thinking about something else and not listening: "So DM, how many kittens fit in our cart?" Table horrified and me nervously laughing xD. I call this a win.

[@poyotato151]

A few days ago, I was getting my brother from an in person dnd game because we had to leave. I walk in the room, everyone stares at me. After a good few seconds, the dm says to one of the players "roll your ptsd dice" (they got an 8). I dont know the context even now

[@lechking941]

XD

[@meganthefencer694]

“It’s not the Geneva Convention, but the Geneva Checklist“ ...don’t ask

[@DumbChaoticPhoque]

Ok

[@8boy095]

”I throw my magic fish at the drug wagon!”

[@amberkat8147]

In this week's game I started a turn with "okay, so I'm going to run screaming" after a dragon nearly killed me in one round.

[@cubemaster6707]

"Look at me... I'm a shadow of the snail I once was."

[@danielchristensen218]

"ALL KENKU ARE ORPHANS"

[@angelaoneal5169]

Our cannibal barbarian chef: "I'm making him a meal."

[@sovelissskirata8105]

"I wish for the Red elder dragons flight to go from horizontal, to vertical just above the ground, head down" I bet I can drink the bar keep under the table Hey rookie, we don't ask the cleric what he does with all the bones Do you kobolds know who this is? It's Sorel, Lord of Light, Savior of the Realm, Destroyer of Dragons, AND, if you allow him to bless you, it will extend your life (timing may vary)! I'll paint a lembas bread tree, because she likes lembas and is an Elf

[@harryto4820]

“As a minion, your job is to come up with all the ideas and do all of the work! Meanwhile, as evil mastermind, I will wait on the sidelines to take all the credit, and occasionally berate your failures as necessary.” “Oh, so it’s like working in retail.” Why are there Epithet Erased quotes here!?

[@datastorm75]

"I'd rather burst in to flames than have my eyeballs squirt out of my head." Also "That's nice. Don't touch me."

[@TableVampire6828]

"can I dance down the cliff?" "So we wait for the owl bear to take a shit"

[@ariannemaxwell1985]

Zee, Satyr. this was one of the first sessions of my current campaign, which happens to be my first. i have unfortunately fallen into the stereotype of new players to use sex to solve every problem. our first night in town, we met a tiefling at a bar, made friendly conversation and such. i rolled for how hot he was- relatively high. i rolled to go home with him- 15. got his number instead. a few nights later, i was doing rough on money and couldn’t pay for a night at the town’s local motel. i call up the tiefling and roll to see if he’s in the mood- nat 20. Dm sighs and after a long pause says, “you dont get a long rest, you get a short rest. roll to see if you can walk right the next morning”