What are some of the most memorable quotes from your sessions? #2 (r/askreddit)

[@theTheoryofEvil]

The best quote of all time was “I enter Jerry” Jerry is a gelatinous cube that doesn’t disintegrate people and was used as our transportation

[@spartanhawk7637]

Oh myyyy...

[@whyuhatan]

I'm guessing it was pretty slow transportation

[@theTheoryofEvil]

whyuhatan My teacher had home brewed him to be fast bc we were a school club that could only meet once a week for two hours. He wanted us to get through the campaign.

[@gnarthdarkanen7464]

We had a few similar lines around a "pet" dracolich named "Sue"... ...and if it makes you feel any better, you CAN blame Johnny Cash for that. ;o)

[@mathybrain8]

Was someone in your group a fan of CaptainSparklez? 'Jerry' is the name Sparklez gave a slime in one of his earlier Minecraft LPs and it's been a thing on his channel since.

[@thebestcupcake]

"So its a chasm full of orcs right?" "Yesssss?" "So would you call it a... Orchasm."

[@gnarthdarkanen7464]

One of the worst Character Concepts of all time at my Table was (ashamedly) my own... "Tentacle Tom"... Who fought with his fly open. There have been many MANY HORRIBLE ballads as a result of Tentacle Tom... AND I've grown to despise the type of person who willingly Plays a Bard in 2e. ;o)

[@kittusteele5924]

im gonna use this

[@thedeserthawk2093]

First one and all I can think of is Monty Python. "That's no ordinary rabbit! That's the most foul, cruel, and bad tempered rodent you ever set eyes on! That rabbit has a viscous streak a mile wide! It's a killer!"

[@whyuhatan]

Good thing the villains didn't have a holy hand grenade on them 😅

[@bronsonpatten7188]

That scene was literally the first thing that popped into my head

[@michaelpomato45]

I nearly soiled my armor

[@Blue-Pheonix455]

YES! 💛

[@kristinadelfierro1320]

"YES WITH THE LITTLE POINTY TEETH!" and also "We are the knights who say 'NEE'"

[@christophersanders3252]

Best quote in my group was my DM to me: "You take 12 points of bread damage." Matter of fact, deadpan delivery. The group couldn't stop laughing for a solid 2 minutes. Context: My warlock was using flight boots to stay out of range of giants in a massive kitchen. DM had one of the chefs chuck a loaf of bread at me as an improvised weapon, and he beat my AC. My courageous L11 celestial warlock, is now canonically afraid of bread.

[@pal1d1nl1ght]

Eventually your DM is either going to give you Resistance or Vulnerability to bread damage. Or give you a spell that does bread damage.

[@LordOceanus]

Special bread related cantrips are in your near future as well as a single use spell where you turn INTO a bread golem and become the freshly baked tank ultimate tank

[@christophersanders3252]

pal1d1nl1ght protection from evil and bread spell? I love it!

[@centric3125]

@@LordOceanus unfortunately, the bread tank has several natural enemies: anything sharp, hungry vagrants, and milk

[@martycontestabile9607]

@@centric3125 you need to watch out for the variable grease spell: butter!

[@jakelewis7083]

“THEY’RE WITNESSES, THEY COULD HAVE STOPPED US AT ANYTIME! THEY DESERVE TO DIE!” -My Dragonborn Paladin, who had just broken his oath of Devotion. That was a weird Thursday.

[@MrRipper]

How's the vegan life treating you?

[@jakelewis7083]

I had, uh, hope you had forgotten about that.

[@martyhoskin2421]

The bunnotaur haunts my dreams. Reminds me of Monty Python and the Holy Grail

[@ZesTofthelemon]

i knew i wasn't the only one to think of monty python :)

[@zuggy1231]

What bothers me though is it wasn't a quote but a short story.

[@martyhoskin2421]

GoldStarH-Gamer 🤷‍♂️ still a pretty fun story

[@fiend-off-the-grid]

@@zuggy1231 well, the original reddit post said "most memorable quote _or experience_"

[@martinaromerov.1342]

Nice likes

[@smilingknight9866]

Rogue: “I cut off his nose and release him. He will be my archenemies.” Now a noseless goblin with one pinky is doing everything in his power to kill this Gnome.

[@zacharylandes5109]

I guess you could say that the Goblin is the rogue's Archnosemsis

[@abadidea5984]

Explaining the Morality system in Hunter the Vigil: "No see bad morality would be burning down a whole apartment building just to smoke out two vampires inside." Eight sessions later, with most of the party down to a dwindling 1 or 2 morality, they set fire to an apartment to smoke out two monsters inside. In the same game, one of our character is an insane woodsman with the uncanny ability to Macguyver any combination of mundane tools and items into deadly weapons. At some point he filled a yoga ball full of hair conditioner and stuck a grenade inside with a pullstring that could remove the pin in order to create a giant napalm. While the party is fleeing from a house full of weird flesh mutants, our woodsman reaches into the back of his truck, pulls out the yoga ball, rips out the pin and hurls the giant napalm at the house while quietly saying: "Namaste." Two of our party have snuck into a hospital to get information out of a known convict. "Who the hell are you two?" "Uh... we're cops. WAIT NO FUCK--" In a game of Waterdeep Dragon Heist, the warlock says to the Outlander monk: "Okay, how do you feel about putting on white-face?" From the same game, the party is speaking with the Zhentarim's moneylender Warlock "Do you know anyone who might have a solid bar of adamantium?" GM: She reaches into her robes for a small pocketbook. "I have a few contacts who might have that item for a reasonable price." Warlock "No I mean, do you know anyone who would have a bar of adamantium that you wouldn't mind if they got robbed?" GM: She puts away her pocketbook and reaches for a different pocketbook.

[@kaneconqueror6560]

That last one is just perfect.

[@ceilyurie856]

I love the last one as well.

[@addisonwelsh]

Fighter: You've gone mad with power! Warlock: Of course I've gone mad with power! Have you ever tried going mad without power? It's boring, and no one listens to you!

[@sprogdragonhisbisbisginsjd972]

This is a beautiful quote

[@ocean7889]

My DM got annoyed at us asking him everything, so he said: "I'm god, not Wikipedia!"

[@davidwilliams1949]

What's wrong with asking God something to make sure you don't offend them with your actions

[@ocean7889]

@@davidwilliams1949 True XD

[@gnarthdarkanen7464]

SO he demoted himself then? At my Table, I introduce myself to new Players as the GM, and assure them that I don't "play God"... I even tell Him what to do in-game. (for context) ;o)

[@ocean7889]

@@gnarthdarkanen7464 lol

[@superd8826]

I'm wheezing holy frick-

[@michaelpeace8128]

I was the DM. My barbarian at the start of an encounter looks at me and says “So the paladin currently has a smothering rug around him?” (Me) “correct.” (Barbarian) “ do I know how long he can hold his breath?” (Me) “roll a medicine check” rolls a 18 “You got a pretty good sense that he’s a stocky dude and he could probably last a couple of minutes.” (Barbarian) “Cool I loot the chests!” Best line ever!

[@chrisppx]

Recently I had a dnd session over video call, we are playing a Lovecraftian campaign. We were working on a ship, swabbing the deck, navigating, etc. One of the days, a large storm hits the boat and puts the party in danger. Me (Aarcokra Fighter) and my friend (Halfling Bard) came up with the genius idea to ask the clouds to go away. I fly my friend up to the clouds and (drumroll) NAT 20. After a debate with the DM we come to the conclusion that the storm just walks away.

[@Z4ifir]

Just because you roll nat 20 doesn't mean it has to work, but good for you if the dm was on ok with it.

[@raymondc7303]

"I GO MACH 1" Our goblin monk who after being hasted, used his homebrewed staff to increase his speed temporarily and unarmored movement to dash and cut off an enemy NPC off from escaping the room (ultimately moving about 100ft per second). “There’s a big squid coming. I’m not going to tell anyone.” Said out of character by the Goblin Monk player who got a nat 20 on a perception roll and saw a big figure underwater coming towards our boat and being told it was the kraken we were looking for. "Hello horse. Hello other horse. Come with me." My Paladin upon successfully convincing two wild horses to pull our wagon after the Ranger and Bard failed to do so. “I’m a paladin! Why would I lie to you?” My same Paladin character lying to the leader of a town of assassins and thieves who later turned out to be the BBEG. “This is my ship! The Honda Civic!” The DM after he realized he forgot to name the pirate ship we were on. “You have a library? Or a private library? A private library in your bed maybe?~” Our warlock trying to seduce an important NPC who was the head of a magic college. “No, I WILL stay in the brig.” Our Gnome Fighter who was in the brig when a kraken began to attack the ship. “I’d like to cheat.” Water Genasi Sorcerer when playing his first game of cards. DM: "As you're brought into the fort bound by chain, you see a Minotaur halfway across the encampment barking out orders." Human Fighter: “Is he a STANDARD Minotaur?” DM: "Here's Betty the Dagger." Player: "Cool! What kind of stats does it have?" DM: "It's just a dagger." Player: "What? It isn't magic?" DM: "You said you wanted a weapon with a name. You never said anything about it being magic."

[@sprogdragonhisbisbisginsjd972]

I can only imagine how this campaign went.

[@tigerwarrior1787]

@@sprogdragonhisbisbisginsjd972 Odds are, things went full Tilt really fast.

[@Kittymouth]

"This is my ship! The Honda Civic" legit cracked me up.

[@ceilyurie856]

I would 3enchant Betty to talk and be sentient and make solid projections of a petite halfling woman out of spite for the gm.

[@twistedolive516]

I have one for you... At a LARP (Live Action RolePlaying) game during a combat someone called out "hide behind me, I can dodge bullets!"

[@houseofmartok4518]

DOH! Brains left in his other hat!

[@SleepyFailer]

"I stand my ground." My brother, while the party was fleeing from the BBEG they met too early. He stood his ground for 6 turns against the end boss and some of her minions. Never seen so many great rolls in a row (some nat 20 in the lot).

[@gearavien2784]

I can't stop laughing, seriously the bloody bunny is soo cool and funny, the unreadable book being read and the unexpected surprise! 😂😂😂

[@carlmoats8673]

Hippity hoppity I'm coming for your blood and property Easter Bunny Goes On a fucking rampage

[@zemorph42]

How do you top that!? The very first story is that epic and funny? Lol! What's next, or did they put the best up first?

[@martycontestabile9607]

Where behind the rabbit? No it is the RABBIT!

[@chrispy_cain]

Marty Contestabile fetch the holy hand grenade of Antioch!

[@alarosebaster2626]

I'm getting Monty Python vibes from that story.

[@levisallade1976]

"I want to buy a child" *whole table face palms* Our barbarian who only had about 30 words he could use to talk with walked up to a woman who looked distressed because of her many children and proceeded to try to sell her gems for her oldest son so he could have a squire, essentially. At first it wasn't clear what he was asking, because of the aforementioned lack of language, and he told the dm, "I want to buy a child" or something along those lines. He is the champion of a super chaotic goddess so when she noticed she summoned him up and started yelling at him for making her look bad. Also, every time she summons him, my character is also warped away. I play up the awkwardness to the extreme as the goddess only does it to talk to her champion, and he just does caveman speech that she can understand. It is basically a typical caveman having a shouting match with a goddess while a kenku slowly slinks into the corner wishing he was literally anywhere else in any universe, he wouldn't care. The time with the attempt to buy a child amounted in him telling her that he wants, and I quote, "a little me to carry my things." So that is EXACTLY what she gave him. He now walks around with literally a 'mini me' carrying his things for him that shrink down to the mini size upon holding them. Barbarian named Utae and his tiny twin Ut.

[@isur4k]

Reminds me of an episode of SAO Abridged. "WE'D LIKE TO BUY ONE CHILD PLEASE" "I don't think you know how an orphanage works."

[@lilyg.2205]

“Does mean I’m a magic item now? Does it count if my friends decide to throw me at something again?” - Halfling Monk at 6th level. “You’re a cleric, what are you doing in the front lines?” “I am the front lines!” - My battle cleric. “First a disappearing doppelganger, and now I have an evil brother? This is a terrible day!” “Why do you piss off every god that sees you?” “Once again, I can’t breathe in lava.” “Roll persuasion against yourself.” “Detect thoughts doesn’t let you see whether I’m gay.” “How can I make these Mind Flayer tentacles stay on my head? They’d probably make a nifty hat.”

[@rougemochi429]

i think there has been a lot that has stuck with my party but the most recent ones are 1."brandon has 0 wizdom, he is the wiz-bum." -after looking at everyones wisdom for some kind of check 2. "your a druid, just be like 'hey buddy-man, dont bite me' "- us trying to get pass a literal fluffy from harry potter 3. "everything is 120% off!" "we pay you to take it!" "please, get it away from us!" - Tyli, a gnome who was cursed to work behind the counter of a necromancy store for enterity. 4. "snob-elry" - the party talking about our gnome wizard party member about how snobby he is. and last but not least 5. "i drank a pencil." i dont even know how that came up but its something someone said and now we say it a lot lmao

[@rikitikki3688]

"Can I tame the can of beans" - Gun the orc

[@melkiorwiseman5234]

"You can try" - every expert DM ever (on a nat 20, the orc is convinced that he succeeded in spite of the can of beans remaining unchanged and on a nat 1, the can of beans falls on his foot, convincing him that it can't be tamed. On anything else, the can of beans ignores him) :)

[@sprogdragonhisbisbisginsjd972]

That sentence is wild from start to finish. Also, as a DM myself, "You can try" is a tool that always creates a hilarious situation, regardless of the task at hand.

[@funkkymonkey6924]

The first one is strait out of Monty Python

[@cultpony]

"I learnt goldfish in my years at the academy" - My druid trying to talk a beholder into letting me talk to the goldfish. "Years of academy training wasted" - Minutes later, when the beholder went berserk over his dead goldfish

[@sighko]

We are playing a campaign set in the Moonshae Isles and early on we fought a pirate ship and was able to capture one of their crew members. He joined our crew and we named him Gerrick. Now me being a bard/warlock with telepathic abilities, I started to mess with Gerrick, pretending to be a voice in his head that could help him escape. A couple of sessions later, our boat is being chased by some kind of sea monster. Our DM lets us roll a History check and we find out that villages and towns are known to sacrifice people to this monster if it appears. I start talking to Gerrick again and with him still thinking it's a voice in his head trying to help him escape, I convince him to jump overboard and into the mouth of the monster. DM: "One sacrificed party member later, the day continues uneventfully."

[@trentunderwood8744]

I am playing "Grug the Joybringer" a rock gnome life cleric, and he serves the deity Llira. He ended up sleeping with a Tiefling and the next day our rogue asks other party members what they're "type" is. Grug did not say anything, but later that night he finds out that the Tiefling was part of a team of bounty hunters to bring back the rogue....as soon as he realized who the Tiefling was, he leaned over and told the rogue, "Apparentlly, I love bad b*tches that's my f*ckn problem!" 😂😂

[@destroyer50055]

My favorite was YOU THINK TALKING TO GODS IS NORMAL in a game where this guy regularly talked with gods

[@beepboop9712]

Busted out laughing at the "Don't give the DM ideas!!" segment.

[@festusxiii5724]

The cleric shouting “oh is it mayonnaise” during a stealth mission

[@cloudstrife9188]

Beset quote was probably about our dirt golems. We have a few guarding our fort and my DM asks, "Do you go towards the screaming dirt babies?" I reply, "I go towards the screaming dirt babies." We both just collapse with laughter.

[@IAmMerskichu]

I've got two! The first is from this one player that was extremely paranoid about their characters and would always play someone that could do anything, especially sneak or disappear away. This player was convinced that DMs were out to get them and thus the phrase "perceiving as we go" was born. They said it every time our character did anything, travel, look around a room, walk down a corridor, you name it, they said it. We asked what it meant and this is usually what happened - Player:"Previewing as we go!" Everyone: "what?" Player: "keeping an eye out for dangers". DM: "so you mean making a perception check?" Player "no just perceiving as we go" DM: "that's your passive perception, it happens automatically" Player: "I know, we can still perceive as we go" DM: "then you'll need to make a perception check" This would go on for a while and got so annoying that we banned it from all our games and if it was ever said it put the whole party at risk of rolling perception every five in game minutes! The second was a story I was told by my dad. He was playing in a campaign where the characters had skewed morals so to say. Anyway, this hero guy comes up and starts talking about how great he is. How he was powerful and could do anything. My dad decides as the hero guy was still talking, to shoot him in the face. He gets a crit and kills him instantly. The rest of the party, confused and mortified, shout "what did you do that for!?" My dad simply responds "I thought he would regenerate"

[@houseofmartok4518]

IAmMerskichu, regarding your 2nd story: I don't blame your dad. It was the braggarts own ego that killed him. Sounds like Dad just made an honest mistake, which in itself sounds utterly crazy in comparison to reality. lol

[@thegodofallakira6349]

Ok not dnd but recently on a roll20 campaign Yugioh “You second rate duelist with a third rate deck, I’m about to end your entire career!” “That doesn’t make sense you still only have 8000 attack on your cyber end dragon and I have a 4000 max chaos dragon, and I’m still at 5000 lp.” “I active limiter removal” “FUCCCCCCX-“

[@GreenflameExplains]

From the GM: "You've learnt a lot about talking to women" "You hit some low-hanging rubble" "I'd let them tell you themselves, but, I don't really want to, I like talking" "He's a dog, he'll be fine" "You just ate mould, you can't get away with that" And from the players: "+1 to not doing that again" "Step 1, I'm going to go find some boneless chocolate" "Is he scared of the blood tornado?" "I'll join your religion if you buy me a bush. Also I'm lying." "I will shoot you if you play me an encouraging tune" "I lean out the window and play my kazoo at him" "Fortunately, I have 10 shovels" These all from the same short campaign.

[@FedoraDog13]

2E: Character with 19 strength, having successfully grappled an undead skeleton the previous round. "Would a skeleton count as a bludgeoning weapon?"

[@martinaromerov.1342]

"Can we take the food? I'm hungry, I'm a millenial." "I take the lamp!" *laughter from the party and DM* "Can I name the lamp?" "What should I name the lamp? Guys, got any ideas?" "Behold Larry the Lamp, official mascot of the Legion of the Lamp! (LoL for shorts)" -My 27 year old tiefling bard Larry is currently sentient thanks to my bard's care and affection.

[@strongarm852]

I used to own an LGS and I communally became the DM for probably 50 players over the years we were open. On one module were the party was going to war against Drow City that had been conquered by one of the named Demon Lords. These characters were 11 to 15, two Wizards and a halfling fighter were the party. The players had plenty of downtime prior to the start so they could make preparations. So one of the wizards summoned and then Planar Bound an Earth Elemental. The Elemental said "Hi my name is Hurgusburgus!" In a loud excited voice. It was the only phrase he could say, like Groot. Hurgusburgus went threw hell that adventure. While he did eventually go down in the final battle, the road leading up to that was full of multiple instances where Wisdom saves were required to avoid going insane and Hurgusburgus failed them all. For the fun of it I kept track of the permanent derangements gained by this poor elemental. Hurgusburgus became recurring character. Sometimes a player would summon an Earth Elemental and he'd be there forced to obey PCs. Sometimes he'd be an enemy getting revenge for his mistreatment. Earth Elementals can punch well above their weight class in certain circumstances. Imagine being in an underground cave surrounded on all sides by stone and the enemy can glide threw that stone at will with full movement and no penalties.

[@marissa2563]

"So, Xander, you're good with your hands right?" "So I've been told."

[@dextertek9536]

I remember a player who played a Bugbear. He died 3 times in the session, all times because he was stupid and proceeded to roll terribly. First was a failed sneak attack against a ghoul and was ambushed by a couple of skeletons, the second was from a magic, living carpet who suffocated him to death after almost being rolled up by the Bugbear, and the third was from simply trying to jump across a raging river.

[@Amanoob105]

"I pull another one". Our last campaigns rouge about 10-15 times in a row after we found the Deck of Many things. Somehow he managed to avoid pulling any bad ones right up until his last, which turned him into a statue in his own castle. Hence why it was the last.

[@artysus]

best quote evar. my husband and i were playing with a group of friends.. he had a warrior type with a decent intimidate score. we had a nice round group. casters, rogue, ranger, bard, etc. we get into a fight with a bugbear, and as we're all very low level, it's kinda having it's way with us... most notably pummeling one of the casters into pulp in the first round of combat while we were all still scattered. my husband is too far a way to hit the bugbear, even if he charged, so he decides to try taunt, which went as thus.... "i run as far as i can, and when i stop, i shout at the bugbear..." and as he says the words of his taunt, he at the same time lifts one arm in front of his face, fist pointed toward the sky, and the other hand reaches across with pursed fingers, as if grabbing a small item on the cuff of a long sleeved shirt... and he shouts "HEY! UGLY! I heard you had a small set of BALLS! I wanna make a pair of CUFFLINKS out of em!" the group LOST it. the DM managed (by God i have no idea how) to keep it together enough to portray the bugbear making an angry grunt and turning toward the offending warrior... the taunt was wildly successful, the bugbear charged the warrior, we all got AoO, and we killed it quickly... once we all stopped laughing about 10 minutes later at least. XD

[@flibbernodgets7018]

Just fought a dude who had replaced/imbued his hands with magical creatures to allow him to fight with two weapons effortlessly. He had even escaped us once when we knocked him unconscious and the hands activated a wand of invisibility and crawled out of our sight. So after a pitched battle he's dead and we discover his hands are still alive and kinda freaking out that they're attached to a dead guy, and the thought strikes me: "So, do they play rock-paper-scissors to see who has to wipe?" Everyone was laughing for a while, and the GM adds a nearly used-up wand of prestidigitation (which is listed in the communal inventory as "poop stick") to his dropped loot.

[@monolithranger2950]

"Can the dead consent?" -Sorcerer trying to dimension door away so the Cleric could revive the dead Paladin, since dimension door would only work for willing creatures. "'Trust me, I'm a wizard' was probably the most untrustworthy thing I have said in my entire life." -The Wizard

[@crate23]

“I hit the man with my dead goose.” -player attacking an assassin sent to kill him. Yes, I did allow a player to carry a dead goose as a weapon. No, I do not regret it.

[@ma76em49]

"I have Viagra, but that can't heal him or recreate his balls either." -My mage to our vampire party member when he supplexed him and the Vampire started crying out of humiliation.

[@anthonydicrecchio6547]

One group I'm in, one of our players is a Half-Elf Rogue by the name of Galaphar who hits on anything even remotely female that crosses his path. This has become a great source of annoyance for the rest of the party (in character, I should specify. Out of character, we find it hilarious). So when we walked into an old library and found a beautiful woman sitting at a table inside, the Rogue's player got the biggest, most lecherous grin on his face and I knew what I had to do. Me: I roll to punch Galaphar in the nuts. DM: Roll an unarmed strike. Galaphar's Player: (quietly chanting) Botch, botch, botch.... Nat 20 DM: Galaphar, you take one point of damage to each testicle. Turns out the pretty lady was actually a succubus who almost killed Galaphar later, so my instincts were on point.

[@BlackRainRising]

In 2nd Edition Ravenloft I played a human wizard, 3 quotes I can think of from that was... 1. "That looks like fun" - when a person came out of a sword... Ravenloft put my wizard in the sword... 2. "Let's do that again" - when our shapeshifter was in dragon form to transport us, we crash landed because he was shifting back mid flight, wizard sat up and said this, Ravenloft put us through like 30-40 replays of crash landing until deja vu hit our fighter and he backhanded my wizard before he could say it with a "I don't know why I did that, but it felt right" 3. "Don't you need fire" - we were in warewolf territory so we made cold camp, well my wizard had failed his save to keep his spells but his FIREBALL spell was inate (wild). In camp he says "for camp don't you need fire?" waving his hand at the sky, fireball shoots up and detonates 50 feet up and shortly after warewolf howls in the distance...

[@davidwilliams1949]

My favorite was before my campaign even started my group was discussing some of the rules that we could have in our d&d campaign same as it was a Homebrew one. My brother wants his character based off talion from Shadow of morador as our group was discussing the classes my brother shouts "I want to be a pal-age" (paladin/mage) the whole table burst out laughing because to all of us it sounded like he shouted pillige (it sounded like he wanted to be a land pirate)

[@LanUltra]

Party where all the names where decided by a ramdom name generator and everyone was going by a title(names where important in the story so keeping it a secret would be helpful). Party manage to capture a evil wizard who has the peculiar ability to see people stats. They all start to bully him become of his failures, and its goes a little too long, them i finaly notice that everyone in the party, by cheer luck have the names of Jojo characters(and none of us particulary like it) them, in my best spur of the moment voice in the wizard voice:"at least my name is not a fucking jojo refence" party procedes to loose it for 15 min and they finally reveal their names, and kill the wizard, in the most painful way they could find.

[@st4ne4rmthevill63]

My brother-in-law was playing a Death Cleric who had to "bless" everyone killed by the party in battle by saying "death will always find you" & doing a quick hand motion. Party kills a small group of orcs & they can hear reinforcements coming thru the trees. Death Cleric scrambles to every body hurriedly yelling "DEATH WILL ALWAYS FIND YOU" & quickly doing his hand ritual barely getting away. It was so funny.

[@silverstar4505]

Not from DnD, but a freeform rpg based on Cultist simulator "Good evening, everyone. I'm delighted you could all come to see this painting slowly destroy me." "I have planted the occult equivalent of a biotoxic bomb. yeet." "Have I mentioned that I essentially own Scotland? I essentially own Scotland." “Keys don’t grow on trees, they grow on legs.” Proceeds to kicks down the door. "(Character name) is confronted by the guards of the first floor. One of them charges. (Character name) is no longer confronted by the guards of the first floor." "Basic idea= Very dangerous but also useful. Eg: Australia." "Human Trainwrecks: The Game" "isn't it amazing that the most feared character on this roleplay is a child" "ok but can we romance him" "So, I sort of sold (character name). But I think it was worth it!" this one requires a bit of explaining, but basically a super-human being adopted a 12 year old, and the babysitter is also a bit super-human. Babysitter: Hye um- Father: Yea you can go home now Babysitter: There is a little problem... Father: You want another secret? Babysitter: I had to cut off your sons hand- Father: YOU FUCKING WHAT I LEFT YOU FOR ONLY A DAY

[@cerouluxray6394]

Can I get a clip of the "Don't give the DM ideas!" please? That would make a perfect ringtone XD

[@anonymouswritings5626]

"Can I put the dragon in the bag of holding?" "You know what, fine. You always ask this and never even roll above a twelve, go ahead." "Um... will it fit with a Nat 20?" "..." An exchange between our DM, and me running an oath of revenge paladin with a homebrew prototype bag of holding. The closest second to that is when we're finally returning to the first village (I joined in late for this campaign) and I hadn't been there yet. The NPC which had guided the party from this village died early on, and was well known in the village. So we're returning in a cart from the opposite direction, and there is a new member (me) and no guide. My character hadn't even given his name to the party, even though they've been traveling together for a month. The villagers come out ready to fight, and our bard tells them everything that's happened. When they ask who I am, (Same aforementioned character) the bard turns and says, "Oh, him? He showed up a little while after the murder and dragged us out of danger. Still don't have a fucking clue who he is though."

[@ugan2]

Playing a Christmas One shot. Group gets transported to the Feywild where an archfey named Jack Frost (yes, that's his name) brings people there and charms them into believing everyday is Solstice Day (world's version of Christmas). Our characters play some festival games including a guess type game. Jack Frost has several chests and several mimics. You pick a chest between 1 and 12. You could get a chest that gives you a boon or a mimic. Our warforged figher who didn't know much about human things such as drinking until the realm allowed him to do it for the first time and he tried out hot chocolate with an AC high enough that a Mimic had to get a nat 20 to do damage picks a chest with a mimic. Mimic futility tries to bite him. Fighter (as the mimic is gnawing on his arm): "I shall name you...Joseph! Come Joseph, let me introduce you to the wonders of hot chocolate." Next my paladin/warlock picks a chest and also gets a mimic. Mimic rolls a nat 20 to hit and does good amount of damage: "F**ck!" Fighter (as player): Hey, language, there's kids in the area! DM: You do see some parents covering up their kids' ears.

[@ayamehimura9482]

One of the Quotes my Friend (whose name is Krin), said: “Krin is my brother... uhh. I am Krin, father of Krin, brother of Krin!”

[@ayamehimura9482]

Then one of my other friend said, “The family’s curse is that their name could only be Krin XD.” Then he murdered all the guards who was interrogating him.

[@houseofmartok4518]

That one-ups the sit-com "Newhart.": "I'm Larry. This is my brother Daryl, & this my other brother Daryl."

[@catfoy8888]

Not from my campaign but heard it from another group. So there was this group that had a lot of characters from pop culture and there was a NPC called El Torro Fuerte and one of the PC s believed he was Jim Carrey from the mask. So the PC kept trying to remove the mask and El torro Fuerte kept saying “El Torro Fuerte never removes his mask.”

[@dist0rted320]

My DM and 2 of my other friends came to my house one day to play some D&D, one of the friends had never played before and we decided that he would just be making a single appearance in the campaign. So we were in this frozen tundra known as the Frostbite where it is EXTREMELY easy to die in the cold. We found a body that was frozen in the snow (my friend who had never played before). Now, my other friend that had played in our campaign with us since the start was a very loose cannon and would say the funniest shit without realising it. So when we find the body in the snow, he says: "I abuse the body." He clearly meant that he would kick it around a bit, but we were (and still are) juvenile kids who laughed at the slightest sexual innuendo. So the DM, the friend who had never played before and I just smiled at him with huge grins. My friend realises his mistake and we all start to crack up.

[@jamperkins9108]

in order "how do i activate her portal?" "do i need consent?" ""who needs consent!" this was from my party's barbarian as he was talking to the party about a women who controlled a portal in and out of the plan they were in.

[@princeofrain1428]

So we had a (very low int) half-orc barbarian named Jeff in our party, and we were walking up to the first tavern of the adventure. Turns out they were hosting a special challenge: drink 3 of the house special without being sick and get free room and board for the night! So Jeff walks up to the bar and just asks for whatever strong alcohol they're serving. The bartender slips him a house special, says it's the finest grog they have. He makes a constitution check to see if he can keep it down. Nat 20. Jeff's response? A very disappointed "This no grog...this water..." We still laugh about it to this day.

[@Eddiember]

Ok, well, heres a few from my table Bard: "I want to roll to comfort the gnoll." Barbarian: "You mean suduce." Bard: "No, I mean comfort. I am not the stereotypical bard. He went thru a lot, maybe we can help" *Rolls nat 20* Me (DM): "Well, the gnoll is now sexually attracted to you." Bard: "Ok, I am stabbing the Gnoll thru the head."

[@ceilyurie856]

I woulda went with it, took the gnoll on a date.

[@archmagetyler]

Dude. Y’all suck.

[@spookyegg9303]

Even have a real recent one, this time. Not D&D, but a 40k tabletop game so it's kind of close enough. "I charge the Bloodthirster!" - The party's formerly-in-one-piece terminator.

[@faylinnmystiquerose2224]

Memorable moment in a D&D session, go to goblin cave with 'friendly' goblins, find two hungry trolls in the back of the cave, I think 3 of the 5 characters in the group failed their wisdom saving throw upon seeing the trolls the first time and had to run away in fear, Cleric and Necromancer succeeded, and my drow rogue managed to succeed on the next round, but the two tanks, a Barbarian and a Fighter spent the next 5 rounds or so running away and cowering in the bushes.

[@DJCJ2013]

All Hail the Rabbit of Caerbannog!

[@Kittymouth]

"We don't have to respect the dead. They certainly don't respect us!" I want to play Curse of Strahd with these people.

[@PKyoshi]

"A prison? Luckily I brought my Bum of Holding!" -Our Bard

[@doom7ish]

The bloody Bunny. Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Look at the bones.

[@THEGRUMPTRUCK]

"Bahamut, platinum god of the skies, I ask forgiveness. Bahamut, whose gaze pierces darkness and deceit. Bahamut, cleanse the sins from them and guide them safely. Bahamut, their souls are pure, but beset by doubt and uncertainty. Guide them to where the traveler never tires, the innocent never suffer, the warrior never dies. Guide them, Bahamut, and they will be companions to you as they were to me." It was, ehhh.... mostly just a changed version of Thane's prayer. In the heat of the moment I had NO preparation for my cleric to die so when he did, I had to improvise. That was what I used, and I took Tiamat's champion with me.

[@sprogdragonhisbisbisginsjd972]

A DM I saw decided to let their bard player actually make a song to sing IRL for bonus inspiration. The bard, during a tough fight, starts off with "Oh there once was a hero named Ragnar the Red, who came riding-" and at that point the rest of the table told him to stop.

[@rayanderson5797]

"My relationship with 'being alive' is somewhat... Complicated." -My tiefling, then later ghost, now currently a little of both necromancer.

[@goosle]

Ok so I'm a dwarf, and my companions are a dwarf named hidden and a elf names legilos. We were guarding a blacksmiths shop while it was robbed. The elf tried to shoot the theif with the longbow from three feet away. It misfired and he takes 7 damage. I attack the thief with my warhammer from 4 feet. 13 damage. Hoften attacks with his mace. Nat. 1. He falls on his mace and takes 17 damage. He had 7 health. He was so lucky it was the first session.

[@3xm-draconic676]

the most funnest quote from my group is when we where playing curse of strahd and he kindly asked my derro [basically an insane dwarf] sorcerer to "pleas for the love underneath...PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON!!!"

[@nekospaw]

"i throw the nazi at the t-rex" "Steel reign is dropped from such a height, he drives the time travelling villiain through the metal platform and deep into the permafrost, what do you say to him before he dies?" "Take this archeology!" "we're heroes so we don't kill" "but maiming is ok right? how about crippling?" "I tie a goblin to the end of the pole and stick him through the doorway to see if he gets arrowed" "could you not taste test the evil relics?" when I was one point off accidently discovering the BBEG by using my robot butler (started out as ultron, ended as bender) sensors to determine what someone would like to drink "I use hypnotic pattern to make the dragon fly as high as it can then stop and fall - repeatedly" "the price is some virgin tears - oh where will you find them?" *monk proceeds to take a vial from his pack and cries into it* "so, mecha-churchill crushes the martian army with a mere sweep of his arm and a deep pull on his mechanical cigar" "Oh snap, I recognise this man as my missing, presumed dead father!" says the half martian engineer, "you mean my missing uncle" interrupts the questionably sane trader, "you're both wrong" spits the fake noble, "he's my brother!" - and thats how we derailed a campaign into suddenly being family, with a small militia & a mansion. a mansion we'd kinda wrecked trying to kick this guy out for mistreating his workers. I have so many more...

[@princealigorna7468]

The kid in the first one literally turned into the bunny from Monty Python and the Holy Grail!

[@whyuhatan]

I know it must have been glorious to behold!

[@Opal_Dragond]

Your videos make being stuck in quarantine not so bad

[@johnwestensnorris6391]

I had my first real D&D session today. I can't remember exactly what I said but it was something like this. I was interogating a goblin and said "We are not goblins, so it won't be cannibalism if we eat you.

[@houseofmartok4518]

Brilliant way to begin an interrogation. Fear of being eaten probably trumps simple pain-inflicting torture in most situations (& funny, to boot!).

[@nighthorder6542]

Magical door asking a riddle that was something along the lines of "What is your most precious possession that others make trite?" (paraphrasing because it was a while ago) My 5-Int Barbarian: "Triiiite... Terite... What is most precious, but termite...? Termite!" Me to the DM: "I bite the door."

[@ozzy760]

I have a fairly large group, 7 people (including the dm) and there are 7 characters as one of the people is playing two at once. Anywho, the last campaign we had before this whole virus struck had quite a few... stupidly funny moments. And some that were from other meetings. "Hah, your covered in poop rope" "Oooo, savage kitty" "Just flirt with the god damned box Shadow, the rest of us have already tried!"

[@scyphozoa]

more of a memorable moment- we found a deck of many things in an out of the abyss playthrough that was supposed to be stolen from us by an NPC. we instead drew through the entire deck by expending npc companions that it gave us and generally getting really lucky draws. we ended up cheesing our way through the entire thing without suffering any consequences, getting the three casts of wish. we decided to retcon everything barring some items a couple of our characters got, deciding to never put a deck of many things in any of our campaigns again. it was a day of lots of yelling around the table.

[@justincarrel7930]

"For the love of god, don't encourage the bard."

[@croatiancowboy]

Not anything particularly special, but a memorable one nonetheless. Skipping a lot of details of the story for the sake of just getting the point across, basically we were not only on the run from a huge army of orcs, but also the entire forest was burning down, like fucking Avatar style (blue people movie, not airbender lol) and we collectively decided to disengage and get the fuck out as quick as possible, having small skirmishes with the orcs on our way out of the forest. After one fight loaded with lots of particularly bad rolls, most of our party was very low hp and our high elf wizard reaches into his bag for his scroll of Erupting Earth. Our party is obviously like "yo what are you doing buddy", and, in character, tells us "No time to explain. Now run you fools!", so we disengaged from the combat and as we get a good couple hundred yards or so away, it's his initiative turn in combat and his character turns to our party and says "A small price to pay for salvation" and proceeds to cast the spell on the area immediately around him, bringing all of the surrounding trees on top of himself and the orcs. Sadly this player moved out of state and no longer plays with us but that last campaign we had with him was easily my most favorite campaign ever; lots of laughs, lost of amazing roleplaying moments, and very excellent DMing.

[@owensoto1373]

The party was leaving a dragons hoard we looted with our pocket dimension pack-donkey (undead preserved donkey with a bag of holding in its mouth and a teleportation mirror in is butt, dont ask) my cleric says looking at the setting sun "Hey guys I think I know where that dragon we stole from is." Them: "What do you mean?" Me pointing at the red dot in the sky coming towards us very fast: "Hes probably on his way home so i suggest we hide." Wizard: "Where?" Me: "I suggest get in the zonkeys ass."

[@houseofmartok4518]

LMAO! That one takes the cake!

[@naturalnidiots9620]

“I cast message and say “Get everyone from our crew off the ship and at least 30 feet away, don’t worry about me.” Then once they’re out of the way I cast Fire Bolt, then as a reaction I cast absorb elements.” Let me explain. I was a Water Genasi Wild Magic Sorcerer, and we(the group) were pirates, and I was the Quartermaster of our crew. I was negotiating on the gun deck with the captain of the ship we were supposed to hunt down to get an artifact from. Long story short, he called for his guards, so I shot the gunpowder on the gun deck with fire bolt, and gave myself resistance to the explosion with absorb elements. After getting dropped to 0HP I began bleeding out as I sunk with the ship, I was eventually found unconscious and stable by the rest of the group, we found the artifact and got out of there, alive. I was absolutely expecting that to be my end, but I got lucky as hell and ended up surviving to tell the tale a hundred times over.

[@lalalaula200]

So.. we are in our first D&D campaign ever and the following happened: We were tasked to deal with some Rust Monsters that lived in a cave. So our party (Mage, Sorcerer, Thief and Barbarian(Me)) We enter the cave and our Mage decides to pull out a iron-dagger and scratch it against the wall while we were going deeper and deeper into the cave. Some moments later, we find ourselves in the lair of said Rust Monsters and our Mage throws his dagger to one side, which naturally attracts one of the Monsters (Yum! Food!). As soon as the monster is distracted, our Mage decides to attack it with flame arrows. Nat 1. Monster notices him, screeches (so that at of the other monsters notice him too) and then proceeds to knock out our Mage, while the rest of us were standing there doing nothing but watch him die. As soon as he was 'dead', the monsters looked at us, but did not make any attempt of attacking us. So I (the Barbarian) go in, take the corpse of our mage, pull it out of the lair and shove a healing potion into his mouth. As soon as he got up, he wanted to do the same thing again as before. So I stopped him. Mage: WHAT?! Barbarian: Can you please wait, maybe we don't have to kill them? They are kind of cute, you know? Mage: The Chief told us to kill them, so we will kill them. Barbarian: No, he told us to deal with them, maybe there is another way? Mage: I don't think so or do you have a plan. Barbarian: No. Cause you didn't give me time to think about one and I'm not very good at thinking! Whole party laughed, including me because I didn't realise what I was saying until I said it. Dm gave me some extra experience for 'self reflection'. In the end, we managed to deal with the monsters without killing them and my Barbarian was extremely happy about it.

[@benjibones3596]

Strap in, kids! This is a long one! The important players of our epic tale are as follows; The dumb as dirt half-orc Paladin, Fengs' (yes that is how you spell it). Our on again off again tiefling bard, Nemia and the smarter than you Elf Wizard, Ja'lian. So! Our first 5e campaign and my first long running dnd experience was Hoard Of The Dragon Queen. We saved Greenest (most of it). Followed the cult, our dm killed Leosin (Important NPC) in an epic chase scene and things were mostly on point with the book. DM goes off the rails after Leosin is peeled like a banana by Rezmir (Black half dragon and mini boss) and has no interest running a murder mystery. So, he centers our questing around a seek and destroy on some black dragon eggs which were supposedly going to be used by the cult to help summon Tiamat. So, our party catches one of the "Egg Caravans" and after much party infighting (Our bard wanted to raise it, our Pally wanted it dead cause God says so) our Paladin walks through a dagger cloud spell dices it and I (The elf wizard who is making a Monster Manuel) dissects the embryo and takes notes. Flash forward; we have infiltrated a major city and a high society gathering involving the cult. So we're in a mansion with the guys who want to kill us but no one will draw first blood because the hosts are important to the cult and won't disrespect their home. So! Paladin is showing off his sword (The one that gutted the egg) to the chief of security, I'm talking with some nerd who can actually keep up with my big Int and our freaking bard decides to dance with Rezmir and in the throws of being the bubbly PC we know and love; apologizes to Rezmir on behalf of our party for breaking the egg. "What Egg?" The room goes deafeningly quiet. Our Paladin attempts to exit stage right and bumps into more cultists. The rooms is locked up and our bard is tripping over her words. No one leaves till the Mini boss knows what egg. So, with the brassiest balls ever seen on an elf, my wizard hands over his monster manual for the cultist to see in gruesome detail the notes on a bisected baby black dragon embryo and when Rezmir asks for the killer in question. I answer honestly (cut to the Paladin sweating bullets) that I didn't know. See. I was looking at one of the guard drakes when the Bard and Pally had their scuffle so my Elf didn't see who dealt the killing blow. Although he was more than intelligent enough to know it was most likely the Pally. But, that wouldn't have been "scientifically accurate". So, on a technicality we were escorted off the premises having pissed off what we thought was the biggest bad of the whole book. Got a neat claw print in my book tho, so totally worth it XD. To this day "What egg" lives in infamy as a near death experience for much of our table. Honorable mention goes to the before mentioned Pally who came in screaming; "Re'mir!" Like an idiot after realizing the mini boss (Rezmir) was right above the floor we planned on holding our final stand in, after triggering a castle full of bullywugs. Good times XD.

[@Allantitan]

"Don't GIVE THE DM IDEAS!!" every dnd players mistake at one point or another apparently XD

[@jacemysteries4100]

My best quote happened during a trial. I was playing a rogue and I had tried to rob a mining institute and the DM didn't want me robing a ton of places since I had just robbed a whole town so she set it near impossible. I was cocky and I went with it and failed, then I was arrested. We had a sprite friend and he was trying to fight my case and I am asked for my reasoning and I said: "I've stolen a lot of things but this is the first time I've been caught bitches and bastards." Yep, the sprite left me locked up but I illegally got out.

[@aregularpersonsopinion9172]

The first story is definitely one of the best things I have heard in ever really and as always love the video #kindaearly

[@movespammerguyteam7colors]

Stop giving the DM ideas! He can and will destroy us all if he feels like it.

[@OmegaUberDeathbot]

Love his voice acting! 🤣

[@Tankdestryer1]

One of the newest ones seems to be "I jump out the window" Context: We are in an Inn and someone sets it on fire. Monk sees the person and jumps out the window. Followed by our barbarian. Me (Wizard) and our NPC paladin go down the stairs. and The one I do: "I use Dragons breath type *insert type. Usually Ice" to *Insert problem*" Yes. I've used it to put out fires (like the one above) patch a hole in a ship, damage people, catch people. My group is...weird. And that isnt even the craziest things we do.

[@chrisnewfield4853]

Best out-of-context quote from one of my games: "Do I have to roll a stealth check to cry quietly?

[@BuffaloBaymax2187]

I had a couple memorable quotes from my first ever game. My first time playing DnD was at a comicon and I was given a pre-fab character (halfling rogue but I played more as a ranger) for the session. My brother was DM and the party consisted of my best friend, DM's wife, two of their friends, myself and a rando. Since this is my first time playing I don't know what I can and can't get away with, plus knowing the sense of humor of all but the rando I decide to just goof around (since my pre-fab was chaotic neutral I could also make it work for the character too, muahahahaaa). We start the adventure and wander into a town beset by an army of kobolds. Upon entering we hear a civilian crying for help so we investigate and find some townsfolk (a family consisting of a mother, injured father and a couple kids) being attacked by a pack of Kobolds. We defeat the kobolds and, having rescued the townsfolk, offer to escort them to safety. The townsfolk reluctantly agreed to let us escort them to safety but didn't really trust us. Time to see what shenanigans the DM will put up with. I jokingly saw: I want to cheer up the kids. Do they know the "pull my finger" trick? DM: "Ummm....Roll for fart" I don't remember exactly what I rolled, but it was a loud and boisterous fart! DM had the rest of the party roll constitution and those who failed to 1 - 2 points (poison?) damage. While the fart did cheer up the kids it annoyed the mom (dad was too injured to notice the fart) and also attracted the attention of another pack of kobolds. Oops Later in the same adventure we were walking single file down a narrow tunnel, with me 4th in line. We come to the end of the tunnel and find a door. The lead person inspects the door and finds no traps and it is unlocked so we open the door and decide someone should scout the area outside. I volunteer to sneak out the door and scout the area, party agrees since I have a high perception and stealth skills Me: "I move between the legs of the party members in front of me!" DM: "Actually, in 5e you don't need to do that you can just move through them....." Me: "SPREAD YOUR LEGS BOYS, I'M MAKING TEA!!!!" I then proceed to mimic teabagging myself on three sets of nuts. Everyone at the table is doubled over laughing and the DM almost falls out of his chair laughing. Turns out I can get away with a lot when my brother is DM , and I'll probably have some "sure, why not?" stories in the future.

[@spoofsmcjenkins2807]

"So are you guys okay with child murder?' - My NE Bard to the other two party members.

[@PlayfulPancham]

my campaign's most memorable quote has to be "Sometimes you just have to kill your siblings" The context is in my evil campaign we managed to convince a bronze dragon wyrmling to work with us and take a gold mine for the Kobold tribe we were working with. The dragons 1 condition to work with us is DO NOT KILL HIS SISTER... needless to say my blue dragonborn Paladin is now the butt of jokes lol

[@BusterBuizel]

Some of mine: “I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DOOO” -Android who got catch out of cloaking field “BEE REX! BEE REX! BEEE REEX!” -Chronomancer who has time spell fade in front of a giant T-Rex genetically crossed with a bumblebee that breathes fire and can fly “Let’s get some sea turtles, girls in bikinis, and charge desperate singles to surf on them” -My rogue suggesting legal ideas to make money because party can’t make up their mind “SCAARY PUPPIES!” My 1 Intelligence Fallout RPG character after trying to hug TWO deathclaws

[@sprogdragonhisbisbisginsjd972]

Favorite is the deathclaw one. Low INT characters are great sometimes

[@scottshannon9646]

A White Wolf campaign gave me my favourite 'make the whole group laugh out loud' moment of all time. Our core group was a hodge-podge of shape-shifters and other magical types from all around Europe. We were playing in the Dark Ages, not too long after the end of The Black Plague, when all were-rats were thought to be extinct. Then we had a new player join the game, who wanted to be a were-rat. He chose to be a Spaniard, and in many ways, he was basically playing Inigo Montoya from The Princess Bride. We travel with him for a few sessions, and he proves a useful member of the party, and in his fourth session, we finally make contact with some great and powerful person from whom we need to get information. This person keeps staring at our 'Inigo' while my character, a Scotish were-bear, is making introductions. I fall silent when I notice that our hopefully-soon-to-be-informant just keeps staring at 'Inigo'. Not blinking. Not looking at anyone else. Finally, the informant says, "I've never seen one of you before." to 'Inigo'. I pipe up immediately with, "Wha? Ye've ne'er seen a Spaniard afore? They're bloody everywhere! Ye cannae swing a dead rat without hittin' one!"

[@Crimson_Devoss]

A fun albeit somewhat horrific (and stupid death). My buddy (Human Paladin Sorcerer) and myself (Animal hybrid Rogue) were sitting in a tavern and decided to play a few rounds of Blackjack (rigged, lots of sleight of hand checks). We were two rounds in when a nobleman joined and put a fair amout of 15 gold to the pot. We won the hand and he walked off. My buddy tried to stop him to apologize (Nat 20 for pickpocketing the nobleman on my part before I left). The nobleman decided to attack him. The paladin decided to cast Burning Hands, the result went beyond turning the guys face to ash and straight to melting it. The radiant heat caught the alcohol on fire. After grabbing a few culinary items (Don't ask) he ran down to grab more alcohol, care to guess what happened next? He started praying to Cthulu to let him live, didn't work. He died in that basement with a Magic bag full of cutlery and alcohol. P.S. Our DM for that session almost puked

[@deathbludgenner8553]

DM almost puked

[@jakesumner5006]

The paladin had expended every last opportunity and option for life

[@parkedvanproductions8059]

A quote from me (the DM) after our first real combat encounter in which I may have accidentally critted the wizard and he died in one shot from a goblin. Player: "I did not see myself getting knocked out in the first round of combat," Me: "You know what the wizard didn't see? The fucking arrow that shot clean through his skull,"

[@thatguy4996]

My favorite quote from my brother: “That was a stroke of genius, I just happened to be wrong”

[@KorenKorca]

Disabled Fighter: "Channel your inner fighter and kick down the door!" Wizard: "We're in a hall of mirrors..."

[@shadowangel2375]

I vibe with the "c'mon, shit already!" So hard, being an Destiny 2 fan. That phrase can apply to so many raid bosses its amazing.

[@RebelliousKorlath]

"That's no ordinary rabbit! It's the most foul, bloodthirsty creature you ever laid eyes on!" XD

[@GhostBear3067]

That first story was turned into a Monty Python bit and I LOVE IT!!!

[@roningfroggy]

The DM for my first campaign "did you read my fucking notes". I had guessed multiple of his ideas for the plot; I had joked about unionizing goblins against their leader (it turned out to be an option, but we had killed their bugbear leader by the time we found the goblins that wanted to revolt), I guessed that the group that wanted us to kill some bandits had ulterior motives and that there was a cellar under the manor that our warlock had burned down.