What is the most useless magical item you've ever given your party? #1 (r/askreddit)

[@MySqueezingArm]

The boots of quickstep ending seemed like the end of the ring of teleportation story. Hope it helps!

[@BrianVaughnVA]

I thought that too! But because the script had it at the bottom, I figured I'd leave it in that way for the giggles of it.

[@awkwardukulele6077]

Imagine taking it to a wizard to get just a minor buff: two actions are gained when you click your feet, but you have to move each foot independently, thereby taking 2 actions to click.

[@justabigbuhckdontlookatmeb8080]

@@awkwardukulele6077 2 actions gained but heels get stuck together needing an action to pull them apart

[@calebb4145]

They are a reference to the wizard of oz

[@bobwilson679]

Brian Vaughn Thank you for being such a great narrator for such a great channel!

[@Eddiember]

I gave my players a Stone of Purpose. The purpose of this stone is to tell the last person who touch it it's purpose telepathically. This led to an endless circle of this stone telling the Barbarian "The purpose of this stone is to inform that last person that touched it that the purpose of this stone is to..." And so on. The Barbarian begin chucking this stone at everyone he hated: The BBEG, the Rouge, the barkeep. This stone was beamed at so many people, and the Barbarian just scooped the Stone back into his Bag Of Holding after he did so to avoid touching it, cursing the person who was last smacked with it with an endless voice in their mind stating "The purpose of this stone is to inform that last person that touched it that the purpose of this stone is to...", until the Barbarian decides to throw it at the next person who angers him.

[@benn454]

If that barbarian wasn't already evil aligned, he is now.

[@dominiclarratt9968]

That's Brilliant

[@NathanielPayday]

Don't mind me *furiously taking notes*

[@umbraloctavia5349]

This is why i love dnd, find something useless and make a use for it, i have a cantrip in a homebrew game that allows me to create origami creatures using magic so i use it for communicatiom when words wont do

[@nucleus5044]

@@umbraloctavia5349 Do you think there is a way to use oragami as weapons and stuff in D&D, or do I have to homebrew that up?

[@darienb1127]

"hold on, i need to check something." (throws Rock of Gravity Detection into the next room DM: the rock floats WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE ROCK FLOATS!?!

[@medallion2836]

It seems that overuse of the rock has removed it’s magical ability

[@dogf421]

interestingly it could have an ability to always fall towards real gravity as i know there are some high level spells that alter gravity using magic. also might have unique uses in limbo where gravity can be inconsistant

[@KnakuanaRka]

@@dogf421 k Yeah, something like that might be interesting.

[@crowbar_the_rogue]

No gravity in the room?

[@NathanielPayday]

"Pillow of Building Forts;" A simple, unadorned cushion that, when left in an enclosed space (max 100ft^2, so basically 10x10ft) and being given a command word ("Sleepover"), slowly (~10 minutes) slowly spawns additional pillows, cushions, sheets, and blankets to convert the space into an impromptu pillow fort. It had absolutely no stat-value, but my players still fought each other for the privilege of using it almost every long rest. Actual hit-points were lost in contests and fights to determine who was allowed in the fort that night.

[@sorusalachite1451]

This is great can I use it?

[@NathanielPayday]

@@sorusalachite1451 You have my blessing ;)

[@NekoYuki]

I'm not a Tabletop RPG player, but I can tell you as a player of FFXIV and PSO2... Fashion/glamor is the true end game. This extends to your resting quarters. It's no wonder they fought.

[@waltbriggs1821]

10x10 can definitely fit multiple people? Unless you had over 20 people in the party, I don’t see why everyone couldn’t fit in there

[@MrJJandJim]

@@waltbriggs1821 there can only be one true king of this fort! *Wildly flails pillow*

[@jinxtheunluckypony]

My favorite useless item was the Holy Avenger. My Evil Paladin attuned to the sword which turned into a -3 longsword as the blade actively fought to prevent my evil deeds. It made for an epic moment when I renounced the dark god I was fallowing after seeing the world he’d envisioned and Holy Avenger started to glow with magic as it deemed me worthy to use it.

[@anthonyrowlodge5357]

Dude, that's pretty awesome.

[@MrBlorp-sf9ye]

That's actually a pretty badass weapon, and its name really fits what happened in the story.

[@Rezim942]

Gives me FF4 vibes where Cecil renounced his way of the dark knight so he could become a Paladin

[@skellysniperyt3210]

The Ring of Frogs. Told this one a few different times- it'll always be one of my favorites. Our DM got tired of us constantly asking for some unique magical item, so he ended up giving us a Ring of Frogs. When activated, it would create 1d4 small, useless frogs with no attacks, that had a low enough int/wis that using them as remote cameras through spells was useless. So we got creative. There was a lot of things we did with those frogs. We threw them at people as a distraction. We cast spells on them. We even modified a crossbow to launch frogs, then enlarged them as they shot, making a frog cannon. We cast Explosive Rune on them. We had an explosive frog cannon. It was glorious.

[@WufeiLord]

I'm going to just go out and say that your enlarging frog cannon doesn't work. This has been brought up before in an oft posted DnD story, of a gun that fired cannonballs shrunk by Shrink Item through a Ring of Antimagic (anything that went through the ring was affected by Antimagic Field). Long story short, if you do the math, your frog would probably just land about a foot ahead of your feet.

[@michaelfoye1135]

Instant frogs legs generator. Good for a meal.

[@MrShukaku1991]

You can't launch explosive runes(Assuming Glyph of warding Runes) because if the rune moves more than 10 feet from where it is cast, it breaks harmlessly.

[@noahdukat1968]

This is amazing. Just great.

[@DraconicDuelist]

No frog legs for dinner?

[@doko239]

Our GM once gave us a "Wand of Raise Dead". You'd think a wand of a 5th-level spell should be fantastic, right? It cast Levitate, but only on corpses. Literally raised the dead.

[@SylvanasWindrunnerResurrected]

I once gave out a "ring of lesser invisibility". It'd make the wearer invisible. But only the person. Anything they wore or carried (including clothes) would still be visible.

[@funnyvalentinedidnothingwrong]

Does that include the ring? Because if not that'd be a pretty good spy tool for a rogue with no shame (I.E. All of them)

[@noahdukat1968]

Oh they could do some ghost shenanigans with that ring

[@Fyreflier]

@@funnyvalentinedidnothingwrong or a bard always the bard

[@DanielLCarrier]

@@funnyvalentinedidnothingwrong Even if it does include the ring, a floating ring is much harder to spot.

[@bobiboulon]

I knew a DM who gave his players a ring of invisibility which was not what they excepted: the power of that ring was to turn invisible when worn. Yes, the ring was the only thing turning invisible.

[@walksaselk40]

"wand of red dot" is basically a laser pointer

[@DustyTheKitty]

''I tape the wand of red dot to my crossbow~''

[@VulpisFoxfire]

...Sounds useful against Raksasha and other feline foes, actually. :-)

[@WufeiLord]

"Wand of Red Dot?" Did you mean "Rod of Blindness?"

[@MrBlorp-sf9ye]

Very effective against felines!

[@emberfist8347]

Just use it like as a weapon for intimidation. It is a laser pointer, but you use it to threaten people as if it were a sniper rifle.

[@xanderteasdale2165]

I think the thing at the end is referring to the ring, if it teleports wherever without you, you could report it inside somebody's brain and kill them.

[@voltsiano116]

I agree.

[@ninetailedhollowfied]

Was coming to the comments to say the same thing

[@DoomsdayR3sistance]

You could also teleport it to your party as a distress signal.

[@voltsiano116]

@@DoomsdayR3sistance That's clever. I was about to say "so long as you know where they are," but they'd also have to know where you are in order to come to your aid (unless you somehow have enough time and skill to carve a message into the ring), so it'd probably work out just fine - maybe if the ring's wearer was scouting ahead or something.

[@phantom6014]

Due to shunting rules it'd only deal 1d6 damage.

[@MysticWolfy7]

I recently gave my players a mug “enchanted with Evocation magic” that they took to be identified. The wizard student who cast Identify on it was an immature boy who begged for one of them to drink from it without explanation. The cleric caved and agreed. They found out it was the “Mug of Moaning”. A mug that, when you drank from it, would moan and sigh like it was REALLY enjoying the whole experience.

[@grayfox6930]

Was the mugs name darkness? Lol

[@whats_it_worth]

hey guys thanks for getting me coffie sips *moaning intensifies*

[@benstekar]

My DM had a shop full of curios that only cost 1 gold and among the items where several decks of cards, some weapons, and a "Box of Tears." My character purchased a deck of cards with only one card in it and my friend bought a weapon called an "Axe of Lightning," which strangely seemed to do nothing special. While my friend was sleeping, I drew the card, had to roll a d100, got a 46, and a lightning bolt shot out and hit my friend. The card was a homebrew item that had the same effect as Wand of Wonder, so my 46 meant it cast Lightning Bolt, which would have dealt 8/d6 to my level 2 friend. Needless to say, my DM changed the Axe of (attract) Lightning to reduce incoming lightning damage to 1 point so I didn't accidentally fry my friend to a crisp before we could turn in our first mission. The "Box of Tears" was just an enchanted box that would always be full of freshly chopped onions and people nearby had to pass a con saving throw or start crying every time it was opened.

[@EvilPaladin11]

A box full of delicious player tears.

[@Kartoffelkamm]

What if you took the onions out of the Box of Tears, closed it, and then opened it again? Unlimited onions?

[@benstekar]

@@Kartoffelkamm exactly, so it is also an unlimited food source, hence why my character will be stealing it the next time we play.

[@Kartoffelkamm]

@@benstekar Ah, nice.

[@sorusalachite1451]

Hey cool I am making a similar type of shop

[@Ziabetus]

OH BOY my time to shine! Here's my list without even watching the video yet: The Murder Dagger On picking up, summons a flock of crows that act on their own free will. Ring of stoneskin Turns wearer into stone as long as they wear it Notebook of memories Anything written in this book that is forgotten by the writer disappears Horders wand It doesn't appear to do anything, but you strongly feel that you'll need it later in your Adventures Bottomless canteen All liquid falls through it's visible but incorpereal bottom The unmatch Box of matches that when lit, slowly drip water and shrivel away. Boots of blinding speed User moves at double speed and is blinded while wearing. Scroll of polymorph When used, turns into a random beast Sword-proof shield Any sword of any kind passes right through the shield as if it wasn't there. Rod of renewal Has a single charge. When used, it creates a new wand of renewal at a location of your choosing within 30 feet. Magically disintegrates when out of charges Cowhide boots While wearing, all cows are invisible to the wearer Rod of forcasts Screams whether or not it is currently raining. Has 4 charges that you regain when it rains. Scroll of feather fall When used, transforms into a feather that falls to the ground. Amulet of Attunement Grant's you one extra Attunement slot while worn. Requires Attunement. Gloves of Fire Protection A perpetually, slightly moist pair of regular gloves. Wearing for too long could cause a fungal nail infection. Ring of fire detection Becomes warm when placed near fire. Range: touch.

[@The_Custos]

Does the swordproof shield only apply to swords?

[@ewjo03]

Give the amulet of attunement to an artificer, they won't complain.

[@Ziabetus]

@@ewjo03 yeah that +1 at level 20 op lol

[@Ziabetus]

@@The_Custos uh, yes? I mean, arguably it could also be a dagger proof shield. they are just shorter, smaller swords if you think about it. You could also make an arms-proof Shield. The name implies it would be immune to all armaments but in fact it is just immune to being equipped to a person's arm.

[@graham1034]

@@Ziabetus Would be useful to be able to swing your own sword through it in combat. Enemies would not expect it. If it was a large shield (e.g. a tower shield) you could hide behind it and stab enemies from full cover. Of course you couldn't see through it, but it would be very useful in a formation melee engagement. Just make sure your enemies are using spears or axes, etc.

[@MrTehPuppy]

Ring of Firre Detection. Range: Touch

[@fadinggrin4700]

*take 1d6 fire damage* "You are correct. The house is in fact on fire."

[@jacobp.2024]

If its effects bypass illusion magic and the like, it could have a use...

[@melnewdemon4873]

@@jacobp.2024 You could also tell if illusion fire was fire or no by just touching it without the ring too don't get burned must be an illusion.

[@jacobp.2024]

@@melnewdemon4873 that's the thing. Depending on how the illusion worked, you may perceive an injury and feel yourself be burned, but the ring would bypass this. Imagine a very powerful wizard cast an illusion spell to make you think and feel as though you were on fire. I mean, you would still feel as though you were burning alive, but you'd know it's not real with the ring.

[@waltbriggs1821]

Jacob P. Oh yea, isn’t there a spell “phantasmal force” or something that creates an illusion and if the illusion can hurt someone, they take psychic damage

[@barbatosmcmurderton4209]

Okay, that Wand of Rogue Trolling is amazing and I would like to see more of them.

[@BYERE]

I definitely might have to include that in one of the one-shots I'm planning XD

[@csturgis]

There was a corrupted priest, who would bless anything for a price. However, he would only bless things once for a group, which they did not know. So, they blessed a boar's tail as a joke, and it gave +1 luck. They then lost their ability to get him to bless anything, and were stuck with a +1 Boar's Tail.

[@lordofshades9852]

It's like a rabbit's foot now

[@emberfist8347]

Just use disguises.

[@ToxicMynd]

I gave them a lightsaber, or more accurately a sword of light. Being that it was made of light it couldnt do any damage to enemies as light in and of itself cant hurt anyone. They effectively used it like a torch and the bard used it as a prop for plays.

[@MitruMesre]

poke them in the eyes

[@patheronaetherson2860]

Does the light produced by the sword and/or the sword itself count as sunlight?

[@ToxicMynd]

@@patheronaetherson2860 never came up oddly enough.

[@frock3229]

This actually has a lot of potential

[@housekey.]

Dragonborn fighter played by my friend who fancies himself a comedian. He (the PC) was constantly flirting with everything around him, I’m talking *everything* (mostly because in session zero I made the mistake of telling them that they could do just about anything as long as the dice favored them). Dragonborn fighter, at last, rolled a nat 20. When he was flirting...with a door. Not even a full door, it was like those saloon swinging doors. He seduced the door so thoroughly, that it gained consciousness and for the rest of the game, he had a pair of magic door shields with mean jealous streaks. Good times. Good times.

[@D_1_O]

That's actually hilarious. Does that mean that the doors were yandere?

[@housekey.]

Leodegan Ens Oh totally. They were very protective. Nothing better than being a bandit, minding your business one moment, the next you’re getting your brains bashed out by yandere saloon doors wielded by a bright red dragonborn.

[@Forsakei]

I saw the item somewhere so I thought it would be great. It's called a Potion of Create Potion. When used another bottle of Potion of Create Potion would spawn within 5ft of the drinker. The previous bottle would shatter and disappears. And, no, it doesn't quench your thirst. It was a great gag item.

[@WufeiLord]

Step 1) Throw potion Step 2) Pick up the new potion Step 3) See Step 1

[@suracha8130]

@@WufeiLord how do you throw a potion after drinking it if even the bottle disappears afterwards, let alone the potion itself

[@WufeiLord]

@@suracha8130 You throw it with the potion still in it. Potion breaks and is 'consumed', supposedly, and then a new potion appears in your hand.

[@suracha8130]

@@WufeiLord consumed literally means ingested tho.

[@WufeiLord]

@@suracha8130 Well if you wanna get all rules-y about it then this Potion isn't a Potion at all, because Potions only work on spells and effects that have a valid target of 'self'. Create Potion doesn't target Self. So I say since its primary effect is to produce a clone of itself, breaking it (or anything that makes the liquid leave its container) would count as consuming it.

[@dilsoncamacho4100]

I have 1 event, once the party was deep inside a mage's tower, they found a hidden room inside the main bedroom and inside there was a locked chest and, once they opened it, there were 6 horns and one long smoking pipe - all magical ! Turn out there were 6 horns of bubbles capable of making bubbles of different colors (instead of sound) once blown and the pipe was a magical pipe of unlimited smoke, a pipe that you can always smoke out off but doesn't have any especial smell or taste, it's really bland vapor. The set was used by the old wizard that owned the tower for "vaping tricks"

[@Kartoffelkamm]

You know you're powerful when you can afford using your magic for vaping tricks.

[@dilsoncamacho4100]

@@Kartoffelkamm hehe, I really want to talk more about the dungeon I made where they found this. I call it the tower of invisible spiders and the most irritating thing is that it's a puzzle abandoned mage tower where 3 of the 6 (plus roof) rooms are puzzle rooms full of teleport to entrance fake exits. Plus, the 5th floor of the tower is THE boss room, being a big room with nothing inside, but in truth the room is enchanted so that EVERYTHING that steps in the room is invisible. This includes the walls, the adventurers once they step on the room and, most importantly, the giant spiders and their webs... and while the players can't see anything, the spiders have web sense AND 10ft blindsight. And if you try to climb the tower or try to fly (thou it's made for lvl 3/4 party so you probably shouldn't be able to) you can get hit by the giant spiders web attack, it's ranged and causes grapple, making you fall. Man that whole dungeon is made for trolling my players.

[@CornMenStudios]

The most useless item ive ever given my party was a bone rod that, when used to hit someone bleated like a sheep. It had 3 uses and I made them use one on their own party member to figure out what it did.

[@sirbill_greebi3811]

My DM gave me a shield of endless foresight that could only communicate with me. My character was mute and had the intelligence of the average bundle of sticks. Edit: this character came up in conversation between me and my friends and one of them recalls my character punching their character off a railing into a fifty-foot fall to save them from a singular arrow that they could easily tank. I don't remember this, but I don't doubt it for a second.

[@luckyclover6403]

Makes me think of Bardock from DBZ. Knowing the future but never being able to change it. Must really suck lol

[@duncanjala]

The anti-divination blade. It was a sword that divination magic didn't work on. They noticed a void with detect magic and so cast identify and when that failed they were certain it was super powerful. Best part is the divination protection only works for the sword. This resulted in them constantly trying to use it on big scary things in different ways hoping something would happen. It never did. On the bright side I let it count as a magic weapon for damage resistance so it was occasionally helpful. Overall just a fun prank to pull as a DM.

[@NewLaw_MK3]

I was given a button for an army one-shot, we didn’t know what it did for a while and at first I thought it would set off the nuke we found (unfortunately the party didn’t let me test the theory). Eventually my friend and I was going to enter the enemy base using explosives as a distraction on the wall. The explosives didn’t initially go off, so we decided to press the button. And the result...”Nut”...I was given a damn nut button (got a laugh out of us though).

[@Lothmar22]

Someone asks about the budget/ common magic items and so 'A cup that will never spill.' came up. Player 1 immediately pours some water from their water skin in the cup, picks up the cup and tosses the water in the face of the vendor. Vendor: Why would you do that!? Player 1: "Im so sorry, I thought you said it couldn't spill!?" they say appologetically at first but a smug look creeps onto their face. Vendor: "I tHouGhT yOu SaiD iT CouLdn'T SpiLL?" the vendor says wiping the water off their face. "No, I said the cup would never spill. You threw the contents. Now out of my shop!" They put twice the coin of the sticker price down and left with it.

[@DraconicDuelist]

@ Nice.

[@johnmilius3031]

That item came from 'Dexter's Lab' episode 'D&DD'; a cartoon from 1997!

[@Lothmar22]

Wow it's been awhile since i've thought of Dexters Lab. **chuckle** Oh yeah dee dee gave the 'it will never spill' property to the holy grail but nothing else.

[@noodlesgamebox5903]

I once have a rubber duck that squealed when you poked it. They ended up using it as a distraction.

[@AlexWithington]

Sounds like the latest hitman games with the explosive ducks that qauke until picked up by an npc

[@swedisheek]

for a campaign i dm’ed for (and wrote in its entirety!), i created a weapon called the Enchantress’s Scythe. it crackled with purple electricity, the blade was razor sharp, and it in general looked like the most op item out there. the gnome rogue, who didn’t have much in the way of good weaponry, bought it immediately, despite the fact that i didn’t tell him what it was enchanted with. (remember this) fast forward to the first fight of the arc. they’re in a crystallized cave, fighting an ooze, and he tries to chop the ooze in half with the scythe. immediately, the enchantment drops, revealing that the scythe is made out of cardboard. always remember to ask your dm for all the stats of the weapon you’re getting.

[@KnakuanaRka]

So what was the enchantment, an illusion that made it look cool?

[@blechtic]

Oh. I thought it was going to be that it would pass through everything but wheat or something. Extremely useful, but only if you're a farmer.

[@dandew1072]

That was actually a pretty good Rick impersonation.

[@xLionsxxSmithyx]

It wasn't D&D but I gave my party members Poisoned Health potions that would poison you and heal you for the amount of damage the poison dealt.

[@Sumguyinavan_]

A rather large wrap of bandages that essentially was an item of "Spare the Dying". It could stabilize a dying character to 1hp once combat was over since the party was 3 dps, no tanks, no hearlers. But when it didn't just cast Cure Wounds spells like they thought it was doing, they took it back to the shop keeper and demanded their money back. So they got the money back, and then had ZERO sources of healing for the remaining sessions. It didn't go well.

[@KnakuanaRka]

🤦🏻‍♂️ MEEE-DIIIC!

[@christmas6666]

Defective Sword of Warning: "I tolddd you!"

[@Ian80525]

The No Eat Spoon. Most likely crafted by a fey entity with a fondness for pranks, this normal looking iron spoon has a penchant for spilling its contents onto the one who uses it. Although the spoon can hold food as normal, as soon as it gets close to the holder's mouth, the head of the spoon becomes intangible and drops its contents into the holder's lap. It grants advantage on Slight of Hand checks that specifically involve eating with the spoon. Probably only useful if you thought someone was trying to poison you. My group's Gunslinger used it at any available opportunity. He was level 12 at this point and had a +9 CON save. Poison was never an issue.

[@WarriorTRZ]

Might have been a reply and about the Ring of Teleportation.... The most useless (and useful) Magic Item I've made is.. the Buff Jacket of Three Enigmas. Take a trench coat.. make all it's pockets act as Bags of Holding (with near infinite storage) and make it so that's it's been used to much that your not actually sure what's in there... Pulling something out of it could get you lint, money... Weapons... or a Whale. The Pick pocket was surprised....

[@aaronm.7267]

There's a D1200 Trinket table out there that works well with that.

[@alexkuhn5188]

Wait, they got pickpocketed and the thief pulled a WHALE out of the pocket!? I’ve heard of whaling on Gacha but this is ridiculous!

[@WarriorTRZ]

@@alexkuhn5188 Yup. It was silly, but also hilarious.

[@zipcc]

"Left Handed Glove" Makes the user left handed (or right if they are already left handed). Actually, used it well to sacrifice their dominate hand in a ritual, put glove on and was able to sacrifice their left hand instead of their right. Worked out well. I was surprised they remembered they had it when it happened.

[@shootymcshootfacekoff7972]

Mythrel pipe of never weakening explosions. party made what’s essentially a 4inch hand cannon. pipe was 6inches long

[@shootymcshootfacekoff7972]

Also had a staff of infinite fireball . it’s a 3’ tall gnarled oak staff with a 8” whiskey coloured orb embedded into the top, and at the bottom there is a cap with the fireball whiskey logo on it. party used this to bankrupt the whiskey-funded state of Ивановскогорот (ivanovsgorad) .they basically crashed the entire economy of Imperialist Юровский (I can’t remember the English name of this nation)

[@perigrin6]

@@shootymcshootfacekoff7972 This is fantastic! Mind if I use this?

[@shootymcshootfacekoff7972]

Ryan "Raucous Hearthstone" нет I don’t mind

[@atomsorcerer8356]

9:20 This gave me an idea for a reverse to that. A Rock Of Gravity Detection that, upon activation via intentional dropping, will hover in place if it is under the effects of gravity. If it is not under sufficient influence of gravity, then the rock will immediately “fall” towards the nearest source of major gravity. For example, let’s say the players are in orbit around a planet for whatever reason, and one of them drops the rock. A normal rock would just stay in place relative to the player, but this rock would instead careen into the side of the ship, in the direction of the planet. Or let’s say the players are in deep space with no stars or planets or black holes anywhere remotely near them, and one of them drops the rock. Well hopefully they’re wearing thick suits because whoever had the most mass is about to get a rock slamming into them at high speed- Details like “can the rock be moved while hovering” or “what acceleration will the rock have in low-gravity environments” are really up to you.

[@headman2476]

Had a player who everytime he lit a cigarette at the table regardless of what his character was doing or in the middle of would say that his character was also lighting a cigarette. He insisted that his character stock up in every city and would spend hours in a session pursuing his nicotine addiction. So eventually I just had him find a constantly refilling cigarette pack that would never run out of cigarettes. Completely fucking useless for anyone else. But he was as happy as could be.

[@KnakuanaRka]

Oh, I love utility magic. Simple things like that add a bit of flavor to the world that fireballs and lightning bolts just don’t.

[@blechtic]

Yeah, but I bet he looked cool.

[@Jenny-sq2pr]

Lol, I learned swing dance a few years ago and I was taught the 'quick step' which was really more ballroom dance than swing. The mental image of someone doing that back to an inn or in game in general made me laugh.

[@silverfox8018]

Made a potion/ magic bottle simply called “open for service”. It was made by the local crazy alchemist, and one of my players favorite npc’s, Alchemy Jim. It’s his so called magnum opus of potions and all it does is once per day it can suck you or anyone else into the bottle, the person in the bottle can then either get out on their own, or be pushed out by opening the bottle. Inside the person is transformed into a liquid and in a puff of smoke that’s color is dependent on their race (red for tiefling, tan for human, brown for dwarf, etc,) appears before your eyes. the name comes from the fact that ole Jim used it on himself and waited for who knows how long for them to come and open it and bam! There he is ready to serve your alchemy needs

[@chrisppx]

Once had a magic barrel, basically a bag of holding, but you could toggle it. Led to lots of fun experiences!

[@voltsiano116]

*"Get in the barrel."*

[@chrisppx]

Volt Siano actually had to do that once, lol

[@ZesTofthelemon]

This was from my older brother's first(?) campaign, and I don't know much about the lore there. Also this may not be that useless, but funny nonetheless. At some point my brother's character got a staff that could summon 1d4(?) geese that lasted for [i don't know] turns, although he had to roll a check for each individual one (i think) to see whether they would follow his commands, otherwise they would be controlled by the DM. I think he rolled a nat 20 on one check and ended up getting an infernal goose familiar that didn't disappear like the other geese. Here's the funny part, though: Eventually his character died, and while he did get resurrected, he felt as if this was cheating somehow. He put his hand on Fatso (that's what he named the goose) and kinda just faded away. Then, the goose spoke: "Wassup, bitch?" Man sacrificed his character so his pet goose could learn Common KEKW I also think that his new character is related to the goose in some way, as if he was looking for it or something.

[@notabot3236]

I just made a magic item that when attuned you can speak any language that you and everyone around you speak(you do not understand what you speak) and you grow a magnificent beard

[@adamschank7703]

Reminds me a little of that ear fish (I forgot the name of the fish) from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

[@LordThomasPassion]

@@adamschank7703 Babelfish

[@adamschank7703]

@@LordThomasPassion Thanks

[@teilzeitbernd]

Worth it, just for the beard alone.

[@crowsenpai5625]

Man “Sword of Ogre Saying” ruins any caster who picks it up. Farewell any spell with Verbal components.

[@aliciacordero7436]

Actually verbal components are confirmed by sage advice to be the particular pitch and cadence of the sound, not particular words - this is why kenku can still cast spells (it also in theory means that some mutes could learn to utter verbal components - if they can still make noise with their mouth and just can't form words - and that you could create "verbal" components with instruments instead of with your voice). So they would be able to cast but the verbal components would all be variations of ogre OOOgrrre oGRRre etc.

[@ThornMu]

@@aliciacordero7436 I would rule that a caster would have to practice for a few days at least to be able to make those adjustments for their verbal spells.

[@ThornMu]

@@aliciacordero7436 I don't think it would work at all, actually, since the Sword of Ogre Saying forces the weilder to shout Ogre, not just limiting their vocabulary, but also their volume/intensity options.

[@KnakuanaRka]

@@aliciacordero7436 Pokemon Speak? Also, that’s priceless. xD

[@jabenwood2105]

My favorite was the cloak of tongues which you would expect to give you languages but instead makes you taste everything in a 30 foot radius. The rogue looked at the gnome and said you taste terrible.

[@internalscreaming6490]

the DM gave my elf with a traumatizing backstory a sword that inflicted emotional wounds. he never used it.

[@The_Custos]

Stoic fighters may be able to handle it.

[@DoomsdayR3sistance]

The DM of the party I am did this one today, the Fighter wanted to roll for magical items and they found a gemstone that appears like dull black coal to anybody else that sees it but to the fighter it appears like a very shiny gemstone.

[@rachelleharper3006]

Not a dm, but a player, my dm gave me and my party a ‘pole of collapsing’ we gave it to our monk, later we were in a one off against a halfling rouge who was a priest of Loki, then our monk used one of his actions to attach 4 mimic teeth to the end, (which we had obtained earlier in the campaign) and used it to impale the halfling, killing him instantly

[@gamebomb8352]

The Book of Dads. It’s a book that every time it’s opened everyone within 20 feet need to make a Wisdom save of 20 or Laugh at a terrible dad joke.

[@thegreatderp1234]

I think it got mixed up with the ring of teleportation

[@BrianVaughnVA]

That's what I thought too my dude!

[@Row.]

Probably the edit teleported in the wrong section

[@casmere9964]

I just started a D&D group, this is my first time DMing. My brother is an experienced DM and I have been talking to him for ideas, one of the things he suggested was some legendary/magical items. The next time my party got together I asked them what they wanted for their magical item, one of my members said he wanted some rubber bands, so I now have a bag with infinite rubber bands in it which I will gift to him once he is a higher level. That same party member also wanted a spell that turned stuff into orange juice.

[@SophiaAphrodite]

A druid who has ranks in "use magic device" Sounds like something a 3.5 player would do.

[@SpitfiretheCat16]

I made a magic item like the Stone of Gravity Detection. In fact, it includes that, and several others. They're called the Diviner's Stones, and include the Stone of Gravity Detection, Stone of Weather Detection, Stone of Illusion Detection, Stone of Trap Detection, and Stone of Lie Detection. Such powerful items are immune to the Detect Magic spell as a means to disguise their presence.

[@patheronaetherson2860]

How does the Stone of Lie Detection work?

[@SpitfiretheCat16]

@@patheronaetherson2860 "After an Insight check, you may wield this stone and attempt the check again, this time also adding any advantage you would receive with an Intimidation check."

[@melkiorwiseman5234]

I can figure out how most of them work, but I'm not sure about the last one. Stone of Gravity Detection: You drop it. If it falls, you've detected gravity. Stone of Weather Detection: Dangle it from a string. If it gets wet, it's raining; if it gets hot, it's sunny; if it swings back and forth, it's windy; etc. Stone of Illusion Detection: Throw the stone at an object and if the stone passes through the object, it's an illusion. Stone of Trap Detection: Throw the stone where you think the trap might be and if it's a trap, the stone should set it off. Stone of Lie Detection: You brandish it while threatening to come back and use it on the person you're questioning if you find out they lied to you...? ;)

[@jackmack4181]

Quick question, based on the size of a bag of holding being put inside another bag of holding, does this change the size of the ensuing wormhole.

[@matan8074]

No

[@2_-_449]

I think it's a specific size RAW but you can always homebrew that

[@rarhawkydude9605]

If you put any magical item with a subspace inside another, so a bag of holding in a bag of holding, anything within 10 feet is transported to the Astral plane. There is a schematic where you have an open bag of holding and a portable hold in a rig and fire it like an arrow. Can kill a Tarrasque with that.

[@thatguycolor]

A sword that gives enemies extra health when you hit them with it. To this day, my players just think I randomly give out extra hp to enemies.

[@michaelfoye1135]

You really should give them some indication that a magical transference is occurring. Otherwise its just mean. Also is the sword meant to be a cursed item or is it meant to prevent sparring injuries during training? There aught to be some sort of clue.

[@ronnycook3569]

That would be such a great item. Attack each other with it between fights. Free healing with no resources used. Just make sure to give it to somebody with a negative modifier to strength to heal them even more.

[@leviputnam5678]

Your pickle Rick impression is scarily accurate

[@ChrisWonder2]

Turns out the rock of detect gravity makes many turns through these

[@CornMenStudios]

I love the narrators voice, keep up the stupendously great content!

[@BrianVaughnVA]

Thank you! I try my best!

[@CornMenStudios]

@@BrianVaughnVA Well your best is absolutely stunning!

[@cardinalhamneggs5253]

02:25 The Cloak of Billowing is actually a magic item in the D&D5E Essentials Kit’s included campaign.

[@olerisager1976]

The video quality is great The “POTATO RIIIICK!” Was godlike though. Top off to that!

[@BrianVaughnVA]

I could tell you stories about my Rick Sanchez voice...

[@hyrummiller2909]

One of my friends played a wizard who made a magical hat that whenever he reached into it he could pull out a boneless, skinless chicken. The chicken was still alive, just boneless and skinless. That campaign was full of garbled chicken noises.

[@Pocket678]

Oh my God the spoon is also fork it’s a Sport

[@brucesanborn8527]

Oh no it's wross is a fork that looks like a spoon

[@michaelfoye1135]

Spork.

[@the_multus]

Thank you for your soothing talking in the end

[@RuSosan]

I ran a one shot where the players were an all-Alchemist party delving into a ruined laboratory complex to seek out a legendary potion created by one esteemed gnome Artificer by the name of Humbert Ruprecht Fogledorfy of clan Fogledorfy. This potion is said to contain within it the secret to creating potions out of thin air! After many perils and trials, they finally gain their coveted prize: *The Potion of Create Potion!* They gamble who get to drink it by dice, and the snarky Firbolg Runa wins. She drinks the potion with a single mighty gulp, and... Another potion of create potion appears in her hands. She drinks that one. A new one appears. They are perplexed. They test the brew extensively with their field kits, thinking there has to be a final test to unlock it's secrets. The tests are conclusive... As they realize that all these potions ever do is create a new Potion of Create Potion upon the previous one's consumption OR destruction, they can almost feel how the restful ghost of one Humbert Ruprecht Fogledorfy of clan Fogledorfy is laughing at them from beyond the grave. Mostly because the GM (me) was laughing his ass off. Good times.

[@Anmatgreen]

Additional info on the sandwich: you'll get killed by it's rightful owner once he finds you with the sandwich which is the Hoovy from TF2

[@dekkard4982]

The best one i gave my party was a "Rock of gravity detection" upon dropping the rock it would fall towards the closest source of gravity. It is useful in space but it did almost nothing on ground.

[@beeftastesliketoenails94]

"It was useful in space" care to explain?

[@ricogamesita2498]

@@beeftastesliketoenails94 He is saying the rock would fall to the closest source of gravity, in other words to the closest planet I guess.

[@KnakuanaRka]

Someone else in the comments suggests it could be useful if it fell according to “true gravity” and thus could detect magical gravity alteration in fantasy settings.

[@bodaciouschad]

This man turned himself into a potatoe. Second funished thing I've ever seen.

[@f4fnir9]

I think the last comment was meant for the story of the ring of teleportation

[@BrianVaughnVA]

I figured, but I thought I'd leave it like it was just for the giggles of it.

[@tigocostavisser9768]

Your videos are awesome, they’ve helped me sit through hours of school, editing and just life

[@drejohnson2064]

The last part was in reference to the ring

[@BrianVaughnVA]

Figured it was, but I left it in to make it funny cause - Ripper has been known to miss a bit some days :P

[@carterrollins1712]

A dysfunctional ring of invisibility that only makes the wearer invisible to their self

[@WildBluntHickok]

Even better: GM: "you have become invisible but your clothes haven't. You'll need to remove anything you're wearing to be invisible."

[@CurlyRibbon]

WHOOOO MISSED MEEEE (ive benn on a bieniss trip and with all the stuff thats been hapening i havent had the time to walch these) so i welcome my depresed sorry ass back HELOO

[@MrRipper]

Glad your back!

[@CurlyRibbon]

@@MrRipper :)

[@hunterchewning6725]

Hello :). Welcome back.

[@JooJingleTHISISLEGIT]

a 'bieniss' trip? i get spelling things wrong as a style choice, but that's waaaayy out there dude.

[@CurlyRibbon]

@@JooJingleTHISISLEGIT dislexia

[@NixityNullt]

0:46 now I really want a plotline with a Hitman who's really a disguised dragon compelled to assassinate the political enemies of the bbeg using an orb of control dragon

[@jakelewis7083]

It is I, the Vegan Warlock, here to spread my wisdom with you filthy omnivores!

[@Alex-kp5pq]

Ah yes, I have heard of your patron and am in the process of induction.

[@whozak479]

Brand new here and wow that ending was so goddamn wholesome that I actually started feeling all warm inside. Not exactly expected from someone called "Mr. Ripper". Keep it up!

[@Emraldilian]

I once got a cloth that when worn turned invisible, to the wearer only. I won a lot of bets against NPCs by doing stuff "Blindfolded".

[@themspaintwizard3584]

i gave my players a necklace that when put on everyone within a 5 mile raids can here a narrator that will narrate your every move and thought.

[@elzorro5706]

Only funny if the narrator was either Morgan Freeman or Samuel L. Jackson.

[@nemooceansoul1137]

Or the narrator from stanley parable

[@CidGuerreiro1234]

@@nemooceansoul1137 The narrators from Bastion or Darkest Dungeon too.

[@Molonlabe2378]

Long time listener, first time caller. I don't have a story but just wanted to say thanks for making my days a little better and an extra you are amazing for the outtros you are a good person Sir.

[@Dimencia]

It's so nice to have an actual narrator instead of the robots reading these, and I really like the extra commentary, laughing, etc. Great channel idea

[@snosibsnob3930]

For our game, the DM gave us a rusty short sword that had a 1/100 chance to deal a tetanus debuff

[@fuschiaknight1991]

My first big D&D campaign was through my university's tabletop game club. We met every Friday, but because I was a research assistant at a lab I always had to get there later, which meant that I would hop in on whichever session had room for more players, because we were essentially several parties in a larger storyline about the continent under attack by mindflayer-type monsters from the outer planes. The first few times that happened, the DM usually had the party find me tied up, manacled, and gagged screaming impotently. Through repeated use of that plot device, the DMs decided that that would be my magic item, which would allow me to teleport offscreen to a random party in what was essentially our guild if I shackled and gaged myself. We used it to essentially turn me into an artillery round, by handing me explosives and pitching me into the mouth of whatever big monster or eldritch ghost ship we were fighting at the time, having me set off said explosives on a time delay, and having me teleport to another party whereupon I'd just stand up and walk over to whichever party seemed to be having the most trouble in their encounters. It was also probably the only way I would do good damage, because I built a barbarian with INT as his highest stat and STR as his lowest and proficiency in engineering but not all that many weapons for the kicks.

[@wolfman8838]

"The Hammer of Dwarven Throwing" I had a Dwarf barbarian who used war hammers named Fjord. So naturally when I got this item I was like "hell yeah, a magical throwing hammer that returns! Now I'm like Thor!" To my surprise when I went to throw the hammer, THATS when I actually *read* the item. When thrown, the hammer stays stationary in the air and the Dwarf attuned to the hammer flies, end over end, hits the target and returns to the hammer. Made for some interesting situations and was *almost* never useful. I threw myself once in order to cross a ravine and grab a rope on the other side for the party to swing across with. Literally the only time it was useful.

[@thecrazedchef7278]

I gave my players a +1 spoon of scooping. They took it a much darker way and used it for eyes.

[@Xn7000]

3:30, never before has my inner dad been more disappointed. "A rope that couldn't be tied (not even for a second)" Whoever wrote this is the most uncultured swine I've ever had the displeasure of being internet-adjacent to.

[@aquila16222]

Once was in a 5e game where the dm gave everyone a magical item, I was playing a Triton so you guessed it I got a trident of fish command. Which would be great if we weren't in a game set in a mountainous region where all water source are frozen and there are no fish....

[@otakubancho6655]

That wizard with the useless lock wand is the ultimate troll!😂🤣😋

[@aidans.8455]

Gave one of my players an "amulet of the bonz-chai tree" It was an amulet that she could pull loose leaf tea out of with no limit other than how fast she could take it out. Basically just infinite tea.

[@dominiclarratt9968]

Spiff noises intensifies English Intensifies

[@BusterBuizel]

The holy grail: you can drink from it and it will never spill

[@WufeiLord]

I can see that as useful. Does this mean if I turn it upside down it won't pour out?

[@BusterBuizel]

@@WufeiLord It's a reference to the DnD episode of Dexter's Lab

[@WufeiLord]

@@BusterBuizel Oh FUCK that takes me back. I actually remember that, and Dexter being a halfling. Holy shit. Thank you.

[@gecko2.617]

@@BusterBuizel in germany we have a comedy-show that stated "The holy grail has to be filled with liquid and once filled the liquid has to be drunk or the grail would lose its powers" in addition to what you said... Nd one of the characters was feeling sick and weeell I think you know what sort of liquid went into the grail first 😂😂

[@kylebeardsley6200]

Variant Ring of Teleportation: when activated as a bonus action, the ring teleports randomly to a different finger on either of your hands.

[@wesleythomas7125]

"Seriously, Rick? You turned yourself into a potato just to get out of Party Therapy?"

[@TheSpencermacdougall]

The teleporting into the brain to kill someone thing was part of the ring story, duh.

[@penned_dragon]

My DM gave the bard the “Collapsable Cup of Continuous Clammy Contact”, which was basically a normal collapsable cup except the outside always had condensation on it for no reason. It did nothing else. I love it

[@ElenorTheDark]

I once had an NPC in my game with the powerful "Stick of Doom" and "Feather of Death". Both items looked like a perfectly ordinary stick and feather. The NPC would wander around shouting at the top of their lungs about the "Stick of DOOOOM" and how if you touched it you were doomed. Made a huge deal out of it. Thing was, the stick was a perfectly ordinary stick. It did nothing. The feather on the other hand, if you touched it you would die.

[@l33tster]

Omfg the fucking cursed spoon, that was hysterical. You really make the stories come to life.

[@PhilRoggan]

That was one of the best Rick impersonations I have heard.

[@harmonicaman4782]

I plan on adding a bow that has the soul of a lg paladin in it, that’s a +1 weapon for anyone he considers good but always crit fails for anyone evil. The party are basically gangsters so that should be fun.

[@pinkapetdesigns]

That spoon is an amazingly creative idea

[@carlsmith1932]

Wand of fish summon They made multiple bosses and mini bosses by making them choke of sammon and cod. They also assassinate people with fish down the gullet. I now have no fish in my games

[@therealmikswagger6714]

One of my players asked for a bouncy shield. Just a shield that when it starts to bounce, it just won’t start. I let him by it because the idea was fun

[@Elfmain]

My DM gave the party a doll of talking as a throw away item from looting a hut and my PC loves it and uses it to try and record EVPs of his dead mom who sometimes pops up around him. He hears her voice but the party members hear demonic growls and other spooky noises. Its perfect.

[@cormorantcolors]

I tried to stay strong and not laugh like a maniac, but the fireball wand broke me.