D&D Players, what's the most screwed up thing you've ever done in a game? #2 (r/askreddit)

[@LaucianoAlmeida]

That fish people story actually made me sad D:

[@danielfisher7016]

Yeah, he was so happy too.

[@JohnSmith-xm4dk]

Fuck those fish

[@anonanon559]

the most chaotic evil shit I can imagine, he played that character perfectly in my opinion

[@yourladbrennen3130]

the whole: push the old man into the mist thing broke my heart

[@incineakechi5197]

That is how chaotic evil should be played!

[@peytonkennedy9987]

First time playing dnd my first action was to eat the dead horse on the side of the road...yeah that campaign didnt go well although there was a dead horse meme in my group now I regret nothing.

[@Damnationization]

We killed several opponents found out one female was pregnant. So one of the players wanted to cut the unborn baby out and throw it at the next guy we meet. Everybody was like what the f is wrong with you.

[@butterflyenjoyer230]

Did he do it?

[@Norinia]

@@butterflyenjoyer230 The big question we’ve all been waiting to hear the answer............ Lmao ether he did and they decided to end the campaign, or he didn’t and they adventured on, keeping in mind what could have happened.

[@skeletonking2501]

So did he…?

[@Damnationization]

@@skeletonking2501 Nope.

[@lucassmith3106]

@@Damnationization thank god

[@bonefetcherbrimley7740]

8:57 … Those monsters, I hope they got eaten by a gelatinous cube.

[@skeleboy333911]

The more pointless murderhobo stuff I see, the more I want a Revenant thread.

[@lsedge7280]

When the real monsters, all along, were the party themselves. TBF it's not a murderhobo party I feel like. Most of them tried diplomacy. The one who didn't know what was happening panicked. *Though maybe did turn somewhat murderous in cursing the place...*

[@skeleboy333911]

@@lsedge7280 We talking about the same story? I was referring to the party that stole the oar from the blind old man that rowed them in, and then nailed him in the head with it. Him being alive or dead is a little in the air, since he's unconscious and adrift in stormy weather, but that's practically murderhobo behavior otherwise.

[@lsedge7280]

@@skeleboy333911 Oof yeah got mixed up. I was talking about the fish people village one. Old bloke party were real asshat characters.

[@youngsnake1008]

So do i

[@walksaselk40]

Artificer uses fabricate to make 10 lbs each of deuterium and tritium and then used tiny servant to make them fuse nuclei. Nukes the spire of the outlands

[@hasta_la_pasta_official]

Another player killed the dwarf bouncer at a seedy bar for punching him, and I failed to get him to apologize if he wanted to live. Absolutely turned him into ground meat with a massive maul. My character killed the other two witnesses, so that the guards wouldn't be alerted. Slit the one's throat when I knew he didn't have any important information (rolled a nat 20), then someone else in my party said we'd let the other live if they didn't have any information. My murder happy warlock followed them back to the kitchen where I stabbed them through the bottom of the jaw and my dagger poked out the top of his head. One guy we let live cuz he gave us the information we wanted and if he went to the guards, he was as good as dead with them. Then the owner of the bar and mother of the bouncer came down to see what all the noise was about. My boyfriend's character was also going "no witnesses" and when she tried to open the door he (his Shadowrun adapted into 5e character) shot her through the back of the skull and blew out the front of her cranium. Then we revivified the mother, informed her that her son and the bartender were part of a cult the guards were hunting down and the business was turned into a sort of base of operations without her knowledge. Also let her know that the guards would most likely find her guilty by association, but we gave her enough gold to skip town and live comfortably. Now our group owns the bar, sort of.

[@xxcringe_lordxx1159]

I once fed an entire village of women,children and men to a horse of ghouls while alive for a vampire lord but he needed proof so while they were being eaten we plucked out all their eyes. And got rewarded by being sent to the underdark at level 4 sooo..

[@capowebfir920]

DM made a boss throw one of my friend's characters ( Chaotic Evil Human Rogue) off a fucking cliff because he wouldn't stop quoting dead memes.

[@SteelFr0nt]

At 2:00 I was drinking tea mistakes were made

[@notproductiveproductions3504]

Now I wanna get into this game

[@genevievenightingale7038]

Okay, We where supposed to find this girl who had eloped before a political marriage. On the way to finding her we stopped by small villages and stole all their spoons. When we found her she said that she was so in love with this guy that she would "rather die than go back." I smirked, looked at the DM and said: "i knock her out, tie her to my horse, we ride back to the fortress, hand her over and get paid lots of money" The DM said, roll D20, got NAT 20. We did this. Our DM then talked of how ugly the guy was and then they got married and after i decided to visit the girl. (DM thought we where gonna free her) and made the girl be like "Help me!, I'm trapped in this wagon! The Baron (her husband) has the key!" and we where like "sweet". Then we watched her ride away with her new husband, waving to her as she cried. Our DM was horiffied at us, especially because we had previously spent 3 weeks of the campaign trying to make a piglet our pet. I still think that stealing all the spoons was the most messed up part.

[@EnbyDaisy]

Killed an enchanted baby we found in a chest, in a wall, in the sewers, under a tavern. That baby was enchanted to have anybody who holds it be enamored by it and want to protect it. That baby is now buried in those sewers under that tavern.

[@haylongwang3002]

That last guy sounds like he belongs in "D&D horror storys"...

[@danielfisher7016]

Sounds like something that could happen with my group. The DM want semi serous campaigns. But we never let that happen lol.

[@haylongwang3002]

@@danielfisher7016 he went all murder hobo and "that guy" lol

[@Alzakielz]

@@haylongwang3002 To be honest, most murders hobo don't even take the time to RP their situation. So yeah to be honest, that's kinda what i was expecting from a Chaotic Evil dude lol

[@TheAnonymousShade]

Honestly sounds like H.P. Lovecraft was reincarnated, and remained a douche afraid of fish people.

[@vahlok1426]

This one time my friends and I interrupted a goblin orgy with a bugbear involved. We all had to roll saves or be sickened for one hour. Most of us passed, but our alchemist vomited and shouted "KILL IT WITH FIRE!" He tossed about four flasks of Alchemist Fire into the small room and ended up incinerating all the goblins. The bugbear attacked us while his fur was singed and he was dragging a goblin concubine's corpse to use as a weapon. Yeah.

[@thetattooedyoshi]

Kinda rude of 'em tbh

[@chinmustache6420]

You could’ve just joined them

[@Da_Lich]

@@chinmustache6420 n o

[@BenjaminIzquierdo-nb6tq]

O h

[@SH-qs7ee]

Most screwed up thing I've done as a character; in an evil stormwrack campaign I played a necromancer. In this campaign you become the captain of the ship by killing the previous captain in one on one combat. My necromancer managed to defeat the previous captain, then took the severed head and animated it, dm was nice enough to say that since it was just the head, it could still speak and such, so it pretty much became his pet the way a normal pirate would have a parrot. This was just the start of the twisted things he did as captain, which included nailing a victim to the prow as a 'living' figurehead (he was alive for a day or so, then reanimated), turning an NPC's skin into their new flag as a warning about failure (literally had it tattooed onto the guys back, then cut the skin off, throwing him into the water afterwards), unleashed a magical plague on Luskan for a slight from one captain, and was putting the finishing touches to his research about creating a beacon of necromantic energy; one that would sicken those nearby and reanimate when they died. By this time the other players were so scared of their captain they ganged up on him, then dumped his ass overboard. Honestly didn't know why it took them so long.

[@butterflyenjoyer230]

Sounds like a good captain

[@NerdyCatCoffeeee]

@@butterflyenjoyer230 * what do we do with a drunken sailor music plays * What do we do with the crazy captain? What do we do with the scary captain? What do we do with the shady captain earlay in the mornin? Way hay and up he rises, Way hay and up he rises, Way hay and up he rises earlay in the mornin'! Poison his rum with a sleeping potion, Poison his rum with a sleeping potion, Poison his rum with a sleeping potion maybe in the evenin'. Way hay and up he rises Way hay and up he rises Way hay and up he rises earlay in the mornin! Tie him with a rope 'fore he's sober Tie him with a rope 'fore he's sober Tie him with a rope 'fore he's sober earlay in the mornin! Way hay and up he rises Way hay and up he rises Way hay and up he rises earlay in the mornin! Throw him overboard and it is over, Throw him overboard and it is over, Throw him overboard and it is over earlay in the mornin! Way hay and up he rises Way hay and up he rises Way hay and up he rises earlay in the mornin!

[@IdioticCanadian]

J E S U S

[@larsjuh13vk]

I was playing a Hexblade Warlock who bought 7 children slaves to sacrifice to his sword to make her happy. He got the children because they were cheapest.

[@masmurdermonkey9233]

Why's that screwed up? That's practical.

[@larsjuh13vk]

@@masmurdermonkey9233 I like your style

[@masmurdermonkey9233]

@@larsjuh13vk Thank you, practicality is very important for sacrifices. They're very expensive, or a lot of hassle.

[@pseudologicaferntastica9224]

@@masmurdermonkey9233 I

[@ChaoticNeutralGoth]

Well I sacrificed my entire party, minus the druid, so you good 😂😂

[@PurpleSnailShaman]

My party used the Cleric's severed and crystallized hand to enslave a race of constructs we has just given free will. For fun

[@asdergold1]

I'm curious, what was their aignment? If it's not chaotic neutral/evil, it needs to be changed asap for those situations lol

[@PurpleSnailShaman]

It was mostly the warlock doing. She was chaotic neutral

[@asdergold1]

@@PurpleSnailShaman explains a lot

[@PurpleSnailShaman]

yup

[@d3ad_w31ght8]

While going through a part of town that had some less favorable townsfolk, my character got pick-pocketed by a poor child. Rolled at nat one for perception so I didnt even notice. My brother however rolled high enough to notice it, promptly took my coin purse back (2000gp worth) and cut off a starving child's hand. Immediately following this event, our centaur PALADIN decided to fart on the child. DM: "Roll to fart?" Rolled a nat one and immediately covered the child with a freshly severed hand in centaur diarrhea, while another party member started rib kicking him. I roll perception again to see if I had any idea what just happened (as a joke roll), and nope. Had no idea. The next thing I know my brother is handing me my coin purse back, and some child covered in feces starts screaming bloody murder. Me: "Oh thanks... What's that kid going on about?"

[@sethrogers3152]

Very epic

[@Fankas2000]

"Paladin"

[@vladimirserpov6773]

Some rolls are really unnecessary. Like... Rolling to notice that child has a bleeding stub in a place where his hand should be.

[@d3ad_w31ght8]

@@vladimirserpov6773 it was a joke roll that i took upon my self to do, just because.

[@k-cat298]

Lmao, poor kid XD

[@funnyblog100]

8:05 I would have made the boat rower a powerful spellcaster. You never know when an old man might have years of knowledge and spell-casting under his belt in dnd and have him return later and wreck all of them. Make sure you give your npc's proper stats. If someone looks old and feeble they might be someone you really don't want to mess with. You have to wonder in a world full of adventure and danger how they lived long enough to get that old.

[@Alex-wi1mx]

There are old thieves There are dumb thieves There are no old dumb thieves

[@07blackhand]

I feel super bad for that old man So i'd probably tried to Smite the party in some way, so yeah, your idea is great

[@gnarthdarkanen7464]

SO... in prep' our GM had put together an elaborate and illusive cult. He was actually proud of them (and frankly, they WERE some of his best "villain" works to date) BUT of course, we've got two Paladins in the Party, so they're both just chomping at bits to do some serious take-down on some cultists... I mean, this cult thing's got everything from murder-for-rank to ritual cannibalism involved, and we're getting horror stories as "victim and witness testimonials" from the get-go. Every session things are sounding worse and worse, and the GM is delightedly laying it on thick and graphic (not that any of us have a problem with graphic descriptions... we DO get really dark on the individual basis) BUT there's a certain degree of judgment one should exercise when laying on the graphic details and adding up the cumulative damages and evils of a "villain"... MEANWHILE, I'm the only lawful evil in the group, and so-far, undetected. Nobody's thought about my proclivity to be "the one swinging d**k" in the party... nor that I'm often the "Contrarian"... SO half-orc rogue-fighter, to boot, and not a lifted eyebrow around the Table. We finally get some "good intel" and end up at this larger than usual village (think just slightly smaller than a normal person would expect to call "a city"...) where there's supposedly at least a temple or "branch office" and a "safe-house" where these freaks are trafficking victims for their sickest ceremonies and sacrifices... (supposedly)... After some investigation, the Elven Rogue has discovered a pattern. I've discovered a probable location for this "cross-roads/safe house" thing down near the waterfront, and suggest we COULD go straight there and take out some cultists... Maybe one would survive long enough to answer questions... NO... The Elven Rogue has found a pattern in the weird destructive "anomalies" around the town, and the Paladins think SHE has the better idea. If we look over the whole map, there are only so many places where direct lines of damage and "anomalies" (okay, things like lightning strikes, locust infestations that don't go anywhere, a werewolf attack here, or someone else just "pfft" vanished there... etc.) BUT there's only about a half dozen places that these lines intersect, and those are spiraling into the a building near the center of town... SO she thinks we should get ahead of the pattern, and question people there... I (of course because "Contrarian") argue, but as is the lot of a Contrarian, relent. My loyalty to the group trumps being "first" in who's plan gets employed. SO even if it borders on silly, I follow and we go off to harass some folks in a two-story ranch-style farmhouse with a couple dozen acres of wilting crops because somehow in spite of an abundance of rain, they've got too much drainage to keep their fields green and lush... (Okay, yeah, kinda weird) The fight (five 4th lvl+ PC's against basically "Maw and Paw Kettle and a couple of older boys) doesn't take long, and we've captured the family alive, except for one overly motivated elder son... SO one of the Paladins heads off to town, while the other stands guard over the family, tied up in their living room. The elven Rogue is on the roof of the place, AND our Ranger is posted at the porch. I decided at first, to scrounge the kitchen for some bread, leftover meat from a pot, and a few slices of cheese with which to make a sandwich, BUT then I need some water which grants an excuse to get outside and check in with the Ranger... Our conversation rounds about that we probably don't have to wait a whole lot for a Sheriff or some guardsman, when we SHOULD be interrogating the prisoners already. Surely, if a half-assed law-man who probably got his position for being a noble's nephew can handle it, so can we... AND the elf on the roof, of course doesn't want to hear it from a Half-orc who'd be better fit as a barbarian anyway... BUT It's not long before the Ranger comes in to check in with our remaining Paladin and echo what I'd spoken to him about before... Only the Ranger is closer friends with the Paladin, and it's more like "Well, what's the harm if we ask a few questions... maybe threaten them a little... Worst they do is clam up, so the Sheriff gets here and does whatever he does anyway..." AND soon the Paladin has ungagged Maw and Paw Kettle, and slaps them around demanding to know where their twisted temple of demons is... They have NO idea what the hell he's talking about. BUT he's having none of it. (honestly, I think the Player was just having too much fun being an asshole)... BUT then I finally pipe up while I'm still milking my entertainment with the sandwich. "Maybe you should threaten the children," I suggested. "Most parents care a lot more about their kids than they do about some ridiculous loyalty to a cult or even a thieves' guild. I've seen that sort of thing go south before." AND that's how we ended up with a fire outside the house, and one child after another being alternatively seared over the screaming hot flames for a few seconds by the Ranger with his rope-works skills (traps and game-skinning)... AND flaying strips of blistered flesh off them... IN FRONT of their parents and siblings, all tied up on the porch. When they let the remaining eldest son die, rather than admit to knowing anything...(of course, authentically they DID NOT KNOW ANYTHING) I suggested, "Well, if the elf was right, and this is a safe-house, that might not have even been their son." AND by now, the Paladin that was in town (or rather, his Player) was just about frothing at the mouth for the hurry he needed to push the Sheriff to get out to the farm... BUT if he rushed it, it would be metagaming (and he was one of those horrible advocates against that sort of thing)... Even the GM seemed a bit tormented with our antics... The Ranger and Paladin with us at the farmhouse were onto the youngest girl of the family when the Sheriff and Paladin from town came rushing (having noted the fire from quite a distance away and being allowed that "WTF" panic move... (finally)... AND I was "off the hook" because quite literally, I hadn't lifted a finger. I didn't do a THING... except pervert both Ranger and Paladin at present to an EVIL alignment on the spot, and lose the Paladin his divine powers until he could redeem himself... The elven Rogue was certainly pissed at me (as was the Ranger, who has some small hell to pay over the stunt, too)... BUT she wasn't nearly as pissed at me as she was at BOTH of them... She'd even argued against the act of actually injuring a child (for gods' sakes)... BUT to no avail. SO... I'm still rather proud of it, but that was probably the MOST F***ED UP thing I've ever done in a D&D game... though it probably only "gives a run for the money" to some of the other "totally f***ed up sh*t" I've had a hand in. ;o)

[@thetattooedyoshi]

That was a thrill ride of fantastic fuckery from beginning to end. I tip my hat to you, friend

[@gnarthdarkanen7464]

@@thetattooedyoshi Thanks, bro'! Glad you liked it. I often find more pride for twisting another PC's ideals all to hell than for creating more f***ed up things to do all on my lonesome... especially Paladins... or Holy Knights (whatever). It generates "those kinds of conversations" around which is more messed up, the sin itself or the corruption of a "good" person into committing the sin. ;o)

[@PixelatedFlu]

Even without knowing DnD The story and logic behind the actions (or even the lack thereof) make this entertaining on its own, lovely share

[@gnarthdarkanen7464]

@@PixelatedFlu Thank you... AND thanks for reading. Glad you enjoyed it... My proclivity to add antics to an otherwise well structured Campaign practically knows no bounds... haha ;o)

[@wastehazey6468]

Old Man: *A single tear rolls from a blind eye. An eye that once knew love, pleassure and respect. Such things now seemed naught but obscured memories, as he slowly drifted ever further from safety and sanctity. Here it all would end. Here on his trusted boat, which had become his only remaining companion. Here onboard on his old friend, which he had built during days long bygone. Days where his bright seeing eyes saw endless wonders and mirth. No, no more would he know the-..* Party: *THROW OAR* Old Man: *DOINK!*

[@chrisdunn8529]

Throw oar BOING(taco bell)😂😂😂😂😂

[@dogeyplays2338]

So, I essentially made everybody die of laughter by doing this. Context: I was a Warlock Half-elf. My character had a pendant that boosted my magic. The DM had decided that it was time for me to be robbed, so a thief slipped into the Inn we were staying at and stole my pendant, but he woke the party up in the process. We all started chasing him and he eventually tried to escape by climbing up a building wall. Big Mistake. The rouge in our party (Another Half-elf) shot the thief's left hand, making it to where he was stuck hanging from a window. I had been listening to the podcast 'Just Roll With It' before the session began, so I'd gotten an idea. I decided to cast mage hand and pull on his leg, making the thief look down. The DM asked, "What was the point of that?" I replied with, "Give me a moment." I made mage hand make an upside down OK sign below the thief's foot. HE SAW IT. I then decided to cast Eldritch Blast. I rolled and got a Nat 20. I rolled the damage (1d10) and I rolled a perfect 10, and if my table hadn't lost it then, they did when the attack hit the thief, causing him to fall and get impaled on a metal fence post. TLDR; I punk'd a thief for stealing my pendant before he got impaled.

[@thedyingmeme6]

Just Roll With It has Slimecicle in it, right??

[@IdioticCanadian]

Okay,that was awesome…

[@NotDuncan]

I liked making bizarre characters and so in one session I was playing a set of armour that a wizard had created in an attempt one immortal. The armour would consume the soul and memory or anyone who would wear it, I had just taken over my scone victim when I met the party. I convinced them that I couldn’t take off the armour since I was on a mission from the gods, and staying hidden was part of it. We go on hand adventures and quests, then one day my party see my ‘character’ die. One of the party ends up wearing the armour and failing his save, I decide to consume the rest of the party. Since the GM wanted me to continue with the character the rest of the group makes higher level new character to continue the game sessions. So there I was sentient full plate armour with the memories and skills of several fighters, two wizards a thief and a bard.

[@mattevans4377]

"So me and my party are on the road, a barbarian, a druid, and me the rouge" Was that supposed to rhyme?

[@ProeliiatorProDeus]

Bars

[@catherinevo6060]

yes

[@dylandugan76]

It does if you spell it right.

[@Sgt-Wolf]

"we where on are way to help a nobleman who asked us to deal with a beast that was troublesome"

[@dxdmasmr9128]

Matt Evans imma bout to write some poetry

[@2chooks]

Worst I did, depending on how you look at it, was get a divorce in the game and IRL

[@damienfinnegan8272]

Oof size: Large

[@CheezMonsterCrazy]

"Roll to see who has the better lawyer."

[@arik_dev]

@@CheezMonsterCrazy Oh you rolled a nat 1, say goodbye to the kids

[@kensoupcan4287]

F

[@TheGroggyTurtle]

Hahahah! The druid turning into a horse. Should have felt glorious alright. He got turned into Loki, the Trickster God. Who know, he might end up birthing an 8 legged demi god horse!! Haaaaaaahaha! xD

[@xaviormckinney5300]

Woohoo I'm not the only one who thought Loki instantly

[@bootytherat819]

In my party our rouge started this thing to collect enemies balls and said everyone, that they are plums. So I had 9 'plums' in my bag of holding (cause of course, the ghoul we killed had only one, cause the other rotted off) we went to a tavern, where the inkeeper said our other party member is waiting for us in an other building. The building was empty, so we went into the cellar, where we had an encounter with cultists and shit. I am a warlock and shitty with dice, so wasted to spellslots without doing any damage, we nearly died so i was fucking angry. Went back to the tavern and intimidated the inkeeper to pay us or i'll kill him. Rolled a 18. Gave me a 100 gold so i was still pissed. Used thaumaturgy to intimidate again, DM said i have andvantage on the roll so i said 'you gonna pay me more, or you gonna eat 3 of these plums!'. I rolled the 2 dice, a 19 and a NAT fucking 20. Thats how the poor guy ate a a human, a gnoll and a ghoul ball in front of me while crying, i was shouting for 1 minute, and we were in a desert, so the band was playing the cantina band song from star wars like nothing happened. Now we get everything free there. Long story short, I cant roll high, when im fighting, but when a poor inkeeper fucks with us, I roll high to feed him some balls

[@someghosthunter]

My grandfather plays D&D with us, and he started doing that after he cut off a Young Green Dragon's nuts. He has a magic long sword called The Castrator

[@AS-49]

My best friend who I have played dnd with many times is... notorious for these acts. If anyone saw my Bog Queen comment on one of the Nat 20 videos you would remember. Anyway some of his actions include: • Sodomizing a vampire with a garlic bread • Harvesting a foetus from a corpse, keeping the foetus in a jar and throwing it at the final boss for psychological damage Need I say more?

[@TheTownGuard]

I left my party alone for five minuets and I came back to a giant crater

[@blizzard3716]

I was playing a Druid and my friend said we were fighting a high level ice mage. He likes to give elemental weaknesses to his bosses. I cast a fire spell (I don’t remember which one) on my spear lighting it on fire and then threw the spear at the mage. Crit. One hit killed the ice mage. Sent his flaming corpse falling down the stairs of his tower. Turns out this was our world equivalent of Santa Clause. And I murdered him. And that’s how Christmas became about nature in our campaign.

[@FlashTheMystic]

Speaking of druid... I still missed that section, can you post the timeline? Example: 00:17

[@lanepucutsie6398]

Frost Bite ÿvuui

[@finn596]

I remember my first time playing as a druid and I decided to use shape water on a wolf so we wouldn't have to deal with him for a while but we destroyed the rest of the pack, so there we were, standing there as I held a crying wolf desperately trying to escape, under water, I forget how much damage it did but it was low, so we sat there for about 5 turns as this wolf slowly drowned, the worst part is the rest of my group started holding it down, they were completely on board with brutally drowning the wolf

[@axolotter4703]

we made a group of all tabaxi's after looting some chests they found one of those cat toys on a string, there was nothing magical about it but they kept it anyway, a little bit later while fighting a basic ice dragon one of them says "i roll and try to distract the dragon with the cat toy" so i allowed it and they rolled a 1, they ended up distracting themselves with the toy and boring the dragon so much that it just left

[@marshallinnocent5275]

It blows my mind how many people seem to think that seduction and persuasion are the same as mind control.

[@dsc3275]

Seduction is mind control in real life. 😆

[@benthomason3307]

that story with the old blind man and the oar was such a despicable act of cruelty that it almost made me cry actual physical tears. and I'm not exaggerating

[@suit-1443]

My 14 year old soldier sorcerer started a communist regime in a major city and executed the chaotic evil rogue then burned down a airship

[@YataTheFifteenth]

Glorious

[@bradpotts1747]

moral: never let your players use physics player fingers=more durable than lich's entire body......physics

[@kingofredleopards]

A bit long, but feel like the context is needed. I ran a session a few weeks ago where the party (Paladin and Rogue PCs) was at a masquerade party (where everyone is polymorphed into their costumes). They were trying to discover which guests were actually devils, specifically they knew there was an imp who was supposed to meet someone upstairs. The rogue used his disguise kit to change into an imp, and went around trying to find if “he” had made any arrangements with anyone. There was a guest who’s costume was a spine devil, while her husband was an ogre (or troll, cyclops, etc. Don’t have the list on me atm). She told him to meet her in the guest house, and proceeded to head to her room. He followed only to discover that she didn’t have any sinister plans and was actually just trying to hook up. The paladin (also disguised as a spine devil) followed to listen in on the meeting. The rogue agreed and tied the woman to the bed and blindfolded her, then went to leave the room. Paladin bursts in and accuses him of sleeping with a married woman and runs to tell the husband. Rogue follows behind and tries to talk his way out of it. The husband seems surprisingly calm and asks if he had done anything, to which the rogue says no. He offers to pay the rogue if he’ll follow through, he agrees. Back up in the bedroom, with the paladin listening on the other side of the door, the rogue asks to see the money first. The husband grabs a bag of gold from the desk and holds it up. The rogue tries to grab it and run, but being an imp, isn’t able to push through the door with the paladin blocking it. The husband (remember he’s an ogre) grabs the rogue and says “we had a deal, and you just took the gold.” Rogue wanted to keep the money, and so was forced to have sex with the spine devil while the husband watched. As he was leaving he overheard the husband say something along the lines of that being another race she hadn’t done before. The paladin laughed her ass off because she was the reason the rogue couldn’t escape. TLDR: Rogue got greedy and I made him fuck a devil since he already got paid for it.

[@UpBeat364]

Damn son

[@DarktheEagle]

My heart broke when it got to the story with the blind old man and the oar.

[@mistergrim01]

I accidentally cheated on my wife in game before realizing my char had a wife.

[@toadofsteel]

I posted this one the last video hoping to get into the final episode, but it was like 5 days after the video went live, I don't think anyone saw it, so.... shameless repost of my previous content. Anyway, here goes: One time, I played a wizard who really liked his hat. During a fight at level 3 against some bandits, one crossbow-wielding bandit rolled so bad on an attack that he missed my abysmal AC by 1. The DM said "You feel the bolt hit your hat, which goes flying off and lands on the ground behind you." It was meant to be a fluff piece, and the DM offered me a single cast of mage hand as a bonus action to recover the hat. I had other ideas. Taking a cue from the "he shot my hair" scene in Spaceballs, I decide on the spot that my character really liked his hat and that shooting it threw him into a frenzy. I use my one alloted "bonus action mage hand" to reach into the bag of the party Barbarian, who was carrying around the head of a bugbear we had killed several sessions before. I summon the mage hand carrying the head back to me, and place the bugbear head on my own head. DM has me make two rolls. First a CON save. Fair enough, I pass with flying colors. Then, an intimidation check. Fail. That crossbow guy shoots me again on his next turn. Another near-miss, so the bolt is now lodged into the bugbear head. Deciding I wasn't intimidating enough, I look down next to me, where the party's druid in wolf form had just ripped off the head of another bandit. I pick up the head the wolfdruid had just dropped, and stuck it onto the bolt sticking out of the bugbear head, on top of my own head. My character is now shouting in Draconic (which he knows), which as a player I interpret for roleplay purposes as "shouting in Hulk Speak". Once again pass a CON save. Once again fail an intimidation check, even despite advantage. The bandit ONCE AGAIN shoots at my head, and for a third time near-misses, lodging yet another bolt into my stack of heads. I'm pissed that my intimidate checks aren't working, so I straight-up charge at the bandit, lowering my head in the process, and essentially make a melee attack with an improvised weapon: the bolt sticking out of the top of the stack of heads. Keep in mind, I'm a wizard, with the requisite garbage strength stat. Natural. 20. The bandit was already at low HP from other people in the party, so the DM has me roll damage as though the bolt was fired normally, and doubled as per crit rules. So I fluff it in my Draconic/Hulk Speak as "YOU SHOT MY HAT! NOW BECOME HAT!" The bolt ends up slicing the bandit's neck and decapitating him, with his head now capping off my tower of heads. By this point, the combat was basically over. Everyone in the party stops and looks at me like I have three heads. The DM flat-out tells me "If you try some stupid shit like that again I'm forcing your alignment to change to chaotic evil." We ended up on settling for a compromise where I would have to roll a Wisdom save if my hat was forcibly removed (DC10 for knocked off accidentally, DC15 if it was downright stolen). Later on we retconned it as being that my hat was my arcane focus, and that I had to be within 50 feet for it to work.

[@smilingknight9866]

LMAO this is great

[@gabrielwilson7050]

8:20 "A poor old man came riding by!" "And we say so, and we know so!" "A poor old man came riding by!" "A poooor ooold maaaaaaaan!"

[@yoitsyou3115]

Oh god! I feel so bad for the old man... 　(இдஇ; )

[@amerlin388]

While orc warriors were otherwise engaging the rest of the party, I convinced the non-combatant members of the rampaging orc tribe that the wall of fire trapping them in a cave was actually an illusion. When I told them to take their young and flee...they did.

[@vexile12]

Cooked bacon?

[@karlez7664]

I remember my 2nd session ever. I was playing cliche destruction mage, my friends were goblin rogue and chaotic evil cleric of some evil diety. The plot was to get to some magic tornament or other shit. However in the first tavern we went to our goblin stsrted a bar fight. Fastfoward that, we've won, tavern ceased to exsist and cleric was unconcious. So we cut his Bards Pride off. On the tornament we used it to create a potion which DM described to "smell cheesy". We tricked our cleric into puting his face into it. That caused him to grow new meatsword on his forehead. We took some of it. Then some wild magic shit happend and we ended in the dungeon with a troll guarding the exit. In combat rogue threw the flask with the dickpotion right into trolls mouth... We ran out of the dungeon while our enemy was choking. It was the end.

[@Sophia-vk5bq]

Um. That stallion needs to make a grapple check before he rolls for penetration.

[@pikabrook3724]

I have never had to stop myself from laughing so hard at work before, I nearly died at the horse story and almost hit a customer from not paying attention

[@emmichaelis2310]

This is a long one so TL;DR: We bluffed being a guard's family so well he killed his real family and then himself. The kid's memory continued to haunt us. Oh God, this was a while ago so I may have fudged the specifics but... I was playing a changeling bard (named Fam) and myself, and two rogues went to steal from a safe in the town warden's office. The rogues were there to pick the lock and sneak around while Fam was there to cast invisibility onto them. Well, the one failed their stealth check and awoke the sleeping warden. In a panic to protect them, Fam ran in, shapeshifted into the warden's wife to tell him everything was okay, this gave the one rogue the chance to escape and the other to use 'Disguise Self' to change their appearance into that of the warden's son. Well, our bluff was failing so badly that the DM had the warden's real family walk into the situation... however our luck turned and we bluffed our disguise so well that the warden believed his family were the imposters... he promptly shot them. This was obviously a shock but the rogue started to take it to the next level with illusion spells that made it appear he was phasing in and out of existence (still in the form of the son) and I thought 'what the hell' and joined in- both chanting 'You killed us, warden! We only wanted love and you killed us' or something along those lines. When he realised what he had done, he killed himself. This had caused some commotion but we had time to finally pick the lock on the safe and take the contents, which included a family photo album... we also found out the kid was called Charlie. Queue the next day, we avoided being caught and were in the market where a young boy had set up his own stall selling several items (including a 'sick pair of shades' which, of course, I bought). While conversing with the kid he casually mentioned 'I was supposed to be running this stall with my best friend Charlie, but he didn't, make it today, I wonder why?' Absolutely broke me, and needless to say, Fam changed her ways a little... Charlie, however, became a bit of a meme within the campaign and his name or likeness popped up every so often.

[@toodlesyes9687]

I tea bagged a sentient goblin head as my ranger and barbarian kept his mouth open, he died from choking damage

[@vexile12]

... wtaf

[@toodlesyes9687]

@@vexile12 What can I say I was -chaotic- petty evil

[@TheLikenessOfNormal]

Anyone else find OP in the fish story seemed like he was a murderhobo/"that guy" but was just smart enough to try and disguise the murderhoboing with weak roleplay.

[@anilin6353]

He was chaotic evil that is what ce is supposed to do.

[@TheLikenessOfNormal]

@@anilin6353 Chaotic Evil does not equal chaotic asshole. The CE gods don't literally go through there existence murdering everything. Dude was a murderhobo with weak roleplay skills. Because even if you were chaotic evil you are aware that there are consequences to your actions that could prevent you from achieving the other things you want due to increased scrutiny from being a petulant child and killing someone who bruised your ego. CE people plot to overthrow civilizations, cast the world back into darkness. They're not concerned with the pettiness of literally knifing everyone they come across. Chaotic evil doesn't mean that all you do is on an individual basis murder people, if that's all you think you can do with the chaotic alignment is play a bad roleplay serial killer then I feel bad for you. CE just means that you do not care for what the law says about you achieving your goal. the Evil part is that your character's goal, whatever it is could/would be considered evil, or something that with a healthy mind they know is bad but will bring results they wish into fruition. Someone who just murders people who piss them off is more Chaotic Neutral then anything else because those people are the literal embodiment of "I DO WHAT I WANT!" Like CE would be a human choosing to make allegiance to Lolth for the power to take control of their country at the cost of corrupting all the elves in the country and turning them towards Lolth or selling them as dark elf slaves.

[@elliotdixon8444]

Not my story but my friend was running a campaign where one of the players encounters a goblin and well this player decides to stick a bagpipe up the goblins ass and begins to play the bagpipe a story to go down in dnd history

[@NXNDR]

im early for once. i have yet to play a dnd game, but a fun story a friend of mine told me - his dm was his older brother's boyfriend, who was a real dick. He seemed to have a grudge against my friend. who was a dragonorn bard. So, when the opportunity arose, he actually fucked a dragon, making the dm go into so much detail, you'd think he was reading the script of a very strange porn scene. The dragon had eggs, which were 3/4 dragon and 1/4 human, creating the new dragonborn^2 race in this world. DM quit after that session, so the new race (which he named The Dragon Hearted) were lost.

[@mochagoat1998]

Fish guy would have likely been murdered by my playgroup after a stunt like that. Even by the evil characters. Such needless dickery.

[@jakesine2471]

My favorite is the game where the party(including me as the mastermind) mugged a poor gnome in a tavern and sovereign-glued his arm to the underside of a bar stool. He went on to be a recurring enemy with the stool top as his shield

[@AnoNYmous-bz2ef]

"...and that's totally fine, it's totally great-- a little worrying... but totally great." -Matt Mercer

[@tecroach]

NAT 1 rolls for comment

[@invalidfuture2692]

We were in a casino... simply put we broke the economy with nat 20’s and accidentally killing the person who owned the casino my D&D group doesn’t allow casinos anymore (only reason why I don’t like nat 20’s) instead of doing something messed up I got a stripper... stripper had aids and you know the rest disadvantage on every roll

[@Ofxzh]

I’m trying to get into dnd more but I have a character idea. Grog the Orc monk. He would shout “IM GOING TO STICK MY FINGERS IN YOUR EYES!” Before running up to a enemy and sticking his fingers in their eyes.

[@rhf-uj3ho]

Burned down a building and as the population was fleeing, our artificer cast fabricate to herd them in between 2 walls. I, the druid, then cast tidal wave.

[@thestraywonderer]

In assassins creed 1-revaluations poison was my favorite method of death i wuld just poison people to see them spaz out and have a good laugh untill i realized how much there suffering i never used poison ever again unless the game called for it

[@XalconKugelBlitz]

7:35 I feel very very sad for the man rowing the boat, I know it's not real, but I just feel bad....

[@aenwynonymous1958]

I mentioned one story on the last video of this series, but it has since gotten worse. To summarise the previous, already bad story, Nia, my Goliath Cleric whose only goal on life was to have her death mean something, died the first time we faced the BBEG at level 6. It was an introduction to this monster and we were all already pretty banged up, to the point where I had a back up character despite my attachment to my first ever character. She saves one person, breaks two people out of a dome of ice and then drops to the ground, dead. Long story short, three aoe attacks were landed (by our party) and all were within proximity of her. So I sigh and pull out my next character, the only person who had the ability to revive her wasn't able to get to her despite his best efforts, and feel my face drop, then I grin evilly. I have always been a theatre brat, I am not shy and once I found out you could play your character like you might a role in theatre, I did. Which was great because our whole, very shy, party quickly followed suit as the silly, caring, stupid Nia came to life before them. The party had totally fallen in love with her and her big heart, she wasn't smart, but she cared for everyone regardless and the players had grown more confident in themselves and their abilities. So when I was told I could enter my next character into the combat (the DM and I had been planning this character for some time now, though we didn't want to see him this soon) everyone picked up on how I changed very quickly. I went from playing a neutral good Goliath Cleric, to a chaotic evil (homebrew) Quickling wizard with a level in rogue. Glyph, my new character, upon being introduced to the combat, runs around the arena and steals all the shiny things he can find - including Nia's holy emblem from between her fingers. WHICH IS BAD ENOUGH! But, of course, it didn't end there. We had some new players in our campaign and at the end of the fight there was an argument over how to bury the bodies, Nia had very specific preferences thanks to her upbringing and religion. Whilst our Lawful Evil bars argues to at least be allowed to cremate Nia so he can carry her back to the surface (we were in some kind of underground fey stronghold) and bury her properly, someone chopped her body into thirds and tried to eat her because he was out of rations. I don't know who it was because I had gone to the bathroom. I came back to our Bard and the Rangers of our group killing the PC and the session ending.

[@professoroak7545]

Try wording the last part differently. "While we where deciding how best to care for nia's body i stood up from the table to go to the toilet. And well talking about shit storms i came back to find nia's body chopped into thirds and one of the pc's dead. Apparently they had made the executive decision to replace they're diminished rations...with nia. Needless to say we ended the session after that." Maybe :)

[@aenwynonymous1958]

@ProfessorOak, my grammar and cohesion is shameful in 90% of what I write on my phone, sorry about that. Thanks for the tip!

[@enderskunk7515]

ate dwarf meat... the party was starving and a grilled dwarf was the only edible thing we found the goblins, who thought raiding our camp was a good idea...

[@TheShadowFaust]

One time the party was traversing a forrest where noone could die, they just get reanimated. We followed a female NPC that had doublecrossed us on a major quest in the campaign. She triumphantly exclamed that we could not kill her in this forrest and to leave her alone as she was pregnant (whole party thought the pregnancy was bogus to get some sympathy). She severily underestimated the vindictiveness of my warlock as he slices her abdomen to 'see for himself' if she was still full of lies. Then he strung her up a tree with the umbillicalcord of the baby (turned out te be true...), to choke and reanimate over and over again.... we were evil bastards

[@snosibsnob3930]

Not mine but a friend’s campaign. So they have a group attempting to take down a league of assassins. What do they do? Light the front gate on fire, climb up to the air ducts on the roof, and fucking mustard gas the whole building.

[@shockingraichu4578]

The most screwed up thing I've done was when I the Rouge convinced the Cleric to help me burn 4 children to death and the father came back as they were dying so I killed him too (with my dagger). I poured oil on the children and the cleric set them on fire knowingly.

[@neudson9131]

"never let your players use physics", better than "I will create a geyser (boiling water) below me to climb to the top of the fortress (boiled alive)"

[@DadAndMonkeyMan]

So in my first game ever I played as a fighter and our group was clearing out some caves and we ended up getting into combat with a group of unarmed kobolds. I rolled low in initiative and was towards the end of the combat order. By the time my turn comes up the last kobold is almost dead and I roll a nat 20. My DM tells me since the kobold is so close to death I can choose any way I see fit to finish it off. So I ripped it's head off with my bare hands and shit down it's neck. We came across another room full of unarmed kobolds so I blocked the only door in with my spiked tower shield while our barbarian proceeded to slam each and every one of them into the spikes killing them all. We later found out the kobolds in the cave were being held prisoner and were going to be shipped off to be sold as slaves. Later on in the campaign we ended up making it to a city full of necromancers and my fighter decided to buy all the elderly slaves from an auction that he could afford, stuck them into his bag of holding to smuggle them into a dungeon, and then used them to set off any traps the party came across. Somehow he ended up as lawful good at the end of the campaign. Best game ever!

[@paulblankenship8344]

The one with the poor blind ferryman actually made me sad. I can't tell you why but that hit a chord in me

[@sethkunert9196]

"What kind of armor is the guard wearing?" Breast plate "Cool, so I walk up to the guard and say, no homo" What? "Then I cast mage hand to grab him by the balls."

[@georgekal9726]

I need to know what happened next

[@sethkunert9196]

Roll for success, roll for intimidate with advantage. Proceed with interrogation. No effect on "alignment".

[@sethkunert9196]

A good condition is for it to only work on humanoid males of normal size

[@LmaoMeowz]

I’m binge watching these while i try to find a campaign to join lmao

[@_sceptic_9643]

My friend was in a town and saw a dead body behind a building, a child ran behind and saw him, he then proceeds to chase after the child, killing him, after he killed him he sawed off his head and planted it on his trident where he then tried to where his face as a mask

[@NakedBandito247]

That poor blind man :(

[@geromarin382]

After losing a horse race, the party went to the champion's house and procceded to kill him by spitting acid in his mouth (draconian fighter) then steal his stuff and finally raped his horse by the fighter

[@danielfisher7016]

The fuck?

[@k-cat298]

All of the following characters are chaotic good (to my memory) So this first one isn't as messed up, (for the most part) but it was pretty chaotic. A new campaign with a new DM, and we had gotten into a time-loop as soon as I had officially entered. (I had fallen asleep the previous session, because of allergy meds taken due to a huge amount of fluffy dogs. And I had barely slept the previous night) Every time, multiple bombs would go off and an undead horde would attack, that is unless we changed something, which we did, although every session we still died. I was playing an eleven-year-old human fey adept who had recently gotten an upgrade in the illusion department. Now, in order to figure out how to stop this time-loop, we ended up going to a fancy party slightly further away from where the undead would attack. My friend had a character mimicking Inosuke from Demon Slayer pretty well, and it was pretty much just his version of the character. He ended up getting into a sort of food-eating challenge with a random stranger, and I happened to be with him. This dude he was up against DEFINITELY would have beat him, but as I said, I was an illusionist eleven-year-old ready to get chaotic. I basically made this buff little short dude into a beast with my 10ft illusion range, and he picked up the entire table and (it appeared as this, I'm actually not quite sure what happened) ate EVERYTHING. They became besties for the night, I became drunk hanging out with them, and, at the end of the night, I vaguely remembered another character's mention of making a dragon, and so I did before dying again. Ah, good times. This one was meant to be screwed up, and was done by the same one I had helped win an eating contest, although this time the character was a sub-species of Undyne come from a distant island, and thus we had ourselves a stupid wise whaleman cleric. As the story goes, he went into a pet shop for whatever reason and immediately went for the rarest, most exotic fish he could find. He bought it, held it in his magical water, and ate it in front of the shopkeeper. At another time he half-drowned my thief Catfolk with a tidal wave after I had gone to pick-pocket the pirates we were fighting without telling anyone. Oh, we also had a child Gnome mage that ate tiny bites out of EVERYTHING. I love my group.

[@joshprice4855]

Once we were asked by a mother to retrieve her son's body after his execution, which involved getting it away from the town guard. In order to transport the body I tied it to my back like a backpack (I was playing a minotaur Barbarian). I then made the argument since the body would probably take hits I should get bonus AC for meat armor. +1 for one and a half sessions.

[@QuickSylverFoxYT]

I had made a Homebrewed Crossover DBZ and Naruto character who was specifically made to break the game. DM Friend just rolled with everything in a 1 on 1 screw around Campaign. He led me into a dungeon where I quickly dispatched the enemies and found myself in a room full of prison cells. Each cell held a different member of a dying family, crying and begging for help. After destroying the locks and letting them out, I rolled Deception to convince them to join hands with me in prayer. Success! After they closed their eyes, I dual-casted Chidori to loop the circuit back into myself and heal with Affinity for Lightning. NAT 20. Turned the entire family into piles of ashes. Promptly after leaving, I rolled to blast a fireball from my mouth. NAT 1. My OP character vomited lava and HEALED from the flames that burst from it hitting the ground. TL;DR, OP Weaboo Character disintegrates family and has beneficial Lava Puke from a NAT 1 roll.

[@ZephyrusAsmodeus]

As a centaur, there's no funnier line than 'roll for penetration' xD

[@colnz1233]

god the poor blind old man, i actually felt those tears and the feeling behind them

[@michaelboruta655]

I was DM in Strahd (sure you can read this from the player perspective) long story short players had a "sentient" Dagger that after use had to "drink the blood of the innocent". They bought an orphanage to "milk" orphan children of their blood. When they thought they needed more orphans... they made more. This lead to a horrible search history with googles such as "how much blood is in a human child" and "do fatter kids have more blood"

[@Hoovy00]

Evil campaign Consentration camp's. Nuff said

[@jamesbao1111]

we stole a dog. It was our first campaign and our 3rd session.

[@TuppencePies]

The... recurrence of rape stuff in here is really concerning?

[@dragonboy1824]

This was another player in our party. We were fighting what the DM called “the mother of all dragons” and we were doing pretty good (mostly because we were all level 20 and had 2 legends on our side.” Midway through the fight, our skeleton rouge decides to go behind the giant beast, and use a spell that makes tentacles come out from his hands. But the way he uses it is just horrifying (HEAVY emphasis on the horrifying). Because he is behind the dragon, he decides to stick the tentacles up the dragon’s ass and rip out it’s intestines. It did damage that no player should be able to do, and paralyzed the dragon for a few turns (we had 8 players and 2 legends so we killed it pretty easily from there).

[@DemonAngelSakina]

The horse story gets me every time I watch this. XD Literal tears of laughter

[@ZanderSabbag]

For me it was having my CN warlock wait for the rest of the party leave, in order for me to kill an NPC we were fighting, the chief of a prison, as revenge. The evil part is that I then went to the cells, asked a prisoner for some sort of payment to free him and did so. I also trashed the chief's room btw. Basically, I was framing the poor prisoner.

[@anthonyelie4700]

The last story is actually a repeat. I remember hearing it in another video.

[@cageybee7221]

one of those dudes straight up gaddafied a troll

[@TheSpencermacdougall]

l feel sorry for that fish lady,not only is she now a widow,but she is also childless.

[@danielfisher7016]

New BBEG

[@alucardthespy5539]

In a current DnD game, me (Rogue) and Warlock, broke into a tavern after it closed for the night and stole food. But I was like, "Where's the money?" The DM says it is upstairs. We manage to roll successfully to not make noise as we entered the bedroom of the keeper of the tavern, with his wife and child in the bed with him. So Warlock jokingly suggests we should sacrifice them to his patron, but I suggested we take the girl with us. First things first, get rid of the parents. First I take the child from the bed and make sure she doesn't wake up. Then the warlock wakes up the dad, and uses command word... auto-defenestrate. The man throws himself out the window, and from the dmg passes out. Then the warlock uses burning hands on the wife (who was cowering in the bed at this point) and lights her, and the tavern on fire, and because of how close he was to the building the father caught on fire too. We got the money, the food, and the kid, but before leaving we made it look like a local cult had attacked the building. We got back to the rest of our party and the druid asked us what we did. Warlock rolls a Nat 20 and convinces everyone that the rogue and warlock being good Samaritans happened upon the tavern as it was being set ablaze by cultists, ran in, and could only save the girl. Now she travels with us. I even bought her armor, and the warlock got her a dagger, which the druid requested we blunt, which we did...unfortunately. This is simultaneously the worst and best thing I've done in DnD, and I know the DM is going to make me pay for it.

[@toonezon4836]

Really the horse story: In Amerikka, you ride horse! In world of D&D, horse rides you!

[@ReFriedNoodles]

I'm going straight to hell. The fish story had me in tears laughing.

[@anthonykluzak9206]

Hey man! I just wanted to say thanks for the awesome content, I play dnd with my students with autism who struggle with social interactions and it helps them a lot and I use the stories from your videos to dm stories for them. Much love brotha

[@skechiisun2970]

Bard in undertale *Frogit attacks* Act=>flirt

[@skechiisun2970]

Proceeds to do it again and again and again an- you get my point

[@bconfetti2786]

One time I was playing a session over discord, and we were in the basement of a possessed house. We had just ventured down the stairs, after being chased by a screaming, ring-esque demon child. Once we got down there, we had looked around, only to discover a loose floorboard. After pulling it up, We discover a very small (2 inch tall) hallway, so we send the rogue (who had somehow gained the ability to shapeshift into a skeleton-rat. We sent her down there, and discovered a small, glowing red box. The warrior had rolled a nat 20 to destroy the box, and we discovered an odd necklace (might I remind you that the house was possessed. My highly intelligent cleric character had suggested that he roll perception or arcana first (or he let me read by big book of satanic rituals, that was written in infernal that only I could read), yet he didn't listen. He placed the necklace on his neck and triggered a sacrifice ritual (this turned out to mess up the campaign, as the DM had to have a monster "carry" one over there, and she later admitted that even she hadn't anticipated that level of stupidity). Anyway, he had been caught, and was slowly being killed. At this point (he had been spamming me earlier) I was fed up with all his bullcrap, and simply tossed my holy symbol to the rogue and left. I only came back about a session and a half later, after having done nothing meaningful.

[@sillydeerdudeiguess]

I was playing with my friends and we came across this house, and my friend and I decided to rob it, little did we know, as soon as my friend killed the man inside of the house, against my consent, our DM told us the backstory of this man. He was a brilliant scientist who dedicated his life to helping people, and he was THIS close to FIGURING OUT THE CURE TO CANCER after his wife died from it. And my friend killed him :(

[@drannelthegoblin6389]

Our ducking bard (half-orc) named Killethan Frawn seduced an NPC that is essentially Baldur from God of War after Baldur beat the snot out of our other half-off Jeffery B. Dohmar (monk), don’t know if this counts but I mean a bard seducing a god that CANT FEEL SHIT is kinda messed up

[@Kilthan2050]

In one adventure, i was playing a middle aged farmer turned cleric of a storm god. I managed to use lighting to lethal effect twice, both times unintentionally. The first, i torched a ranger's owl companion who ambushed us, the second, i was interrogating a prisoner, accidentally rolled max damage. The Ranger and I had left the camp to do this because one of our group didn't want to witness the questioning. So there we are with a slightly singed corpse and no answers. The ranger has no idea what to do. I decide that the best solution is to shove the body into the river and let nature take its course. When return to the camp the other member asks, "Where is the prisoner?" "She escaped..." "YOU KILLED HER! HOW COULD YOU! SHE WAS OUR PRISONER!" "She was a cleric of an evil god of disease, death, and the undead, i just helped her to meet her god, accidentally." "YOU'RE A TERRIBLE CLERIC!" "My god doesn't think so, they sent the extra powerful lightning, i just wanted to lightly shock them." That character and mine had, by that time, because an unintentional comedy duo, as he was also the one with me when i accidentally fried the owl.

[@masmurdermonkey9233]

101 likes 1010 views. Nice.

[@houseofmartok4518]

In a Star Wars RPG, my Jedi needed to get away from some unbeatable foes in a hurry. In a panic, he used his lightsaber to cut through a blast door (or so I thought). It turned out to be the airlock!! According to my fellow players, I was the only one not aware that it was the airlock. I got sucked into space. Another time in the same campaign, we had with us a disembodied protocol droid head. We were tasked with transporting it on our ship & had been told by he who handed it over to us NOT to tinker with it. Just basically DON'T TOUCH IT. Maybe it was secured in a container. I don't recall. One of the other players got curiuos & tinkered with it, anyway, without consulting the rest of us. The head exploded & more or less blew up the whole ship. I don't remember how or if we survived. To add insult to injury, the GM was counting nat 1's on every d20 roll (skill checks & all) as FUMBLES. So the entire campaign was plagued by dire f^ck-ups. I nicknamed the campaign Star Woops in a custom birthday card I made for the GM, my best bud of 25 years.

[@fenrisdaigon9417]

We were playing a no magic campaign based on the old horror survival games: Silent Hill. With a home brew crafting table of resources to create a variety of amazingly fun items. 5 players in the campaign: Monk: Open Hand (call him N), Fighter/Monk: Battlemaster (call him C), Monk: kensei, Barbarian: Bear Totem Warrior, and me: Fighter (Archer) Battlemaster. On this specific occasion, the barbarian was away and unable to attend, so our first Monk (N) got separated from the remainder of the party. He decided to follow our trail to reunite with us and do some looting. He attracts the attention of a creature which will easily kill him and runs for his life. He hides in a building, only to find two NPCs which the party had saved without him the previous session. The creature finds all 3 of them, obliterating the npcs, tossing N out the back window knocking him out, and demolishing the building. Our Party: Me, C, and M were finishing up a long rest and heard the commotion. We decided to investigate. So N wakes up, battered and bruised, to find he is in a fenced yard surrounded by a family of curious Deer. 3 Doe, 1 Fawn, and a Buck. Being a gentle soul, N roles animal handling with the intention of making some animal friends. He roles high and the deer like him, cautiously approaching him and lining up around him. The rest of our party come through the remains of the building, and see the family of deer through the broken window but we don’t see N. So in this home brew world, gold isn’t a type of currency. Valuable resources for crafting are accepted but overall there is one resource more sought after: food. We had just unlocked a type of gun ammo called explosive rounds. A bullet that does standard damage plus hits targets within 5 feet of the target with force damage and a knock back effect on a failed save. So our C sees a family of walking currency in a world devoid of most resources right in front of us and lets loose a volley of explosive rounds… it was carnage. His first shot attacks the deer in the northwest section and follow up attack hits the ones in the northeast. All of the get knocked back and 3 out of five are dead. He then uses his action surge to finish off the last 2. Effectively knocking the Fawn THROUGH the chain link fence and turning it into ground venison. All of this in front of an unnoticed N. Within seconds he was permanently traumatized. (TLDR… Monk regains consciousness, becomes a Disney Princess making friends with a family of deer, and watches them explode in front of him within 6 seconds)