What does BREAD CRUMBING have to do with TRAUMA BONDING?

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[@l.5832]

I think one of the cruelest things is when a parent breadcrumbs a child, desperate for the love of that parent.

[@glenyshill72]

@I.5832 Exactly

[@valiizajames925]

That part!

[@kriswinters4225]

It seems that's what both parents started doing to my youngest sibling after they were 7 or 8. I stayed the Scapegoat, Middle Child remained the Golden Sibling, and it become very obvious that since the little one wasn't "the adorable looking tiny baby" anymore neither parent felt there was much use in getting to know or spend time with them. Golden Child even asked once why our Dad didn't take the youngest to the movies like he had always taken us, and he said right away not even having to think about it, "Kids movies are boring. I don't like the new ones. They aren't funny like all the ones we took you to." Golden Child asked him if he would have taken them still to all those movies if they weren't funny, and he says, "Well, for YOU, of course." I said, "But not for the one that's still a kid right now. Thanks for clearing that up." Even now, the little one is still The Invisible Child. And to this day her Dad has no idea why anyone was upset with his 'friendly conversation'. In fact, afterwards he repeated it to the little sibling and laughed, "You don't care, right? You wouldn't make me sit through a boring dumb kids movie." From that ridiculous day forward any time a kids movies came out we the older kids would ask would she want to go see that with us because Narc Father of the Year made good on his words and openly refused to take the smallest sibling to any kids kids movies ever again. And he still feels no shame.

[@Golden24393]

And the worse thing is that they be like "I've done this and that for you!" they do that even more with the golden child and they really distort their definition of love

[@BaeBe-tz5nk]

Bread crumbing can be really harmful when hope comes to play

[@suzanne4396]

Yes. Dr.R has a video where she says " Hope dies last." And it's true. It dies. Took me 10 yrs to give up hope. Then, I Detached. Completely.

[@norapeace6526]

There’s a guy at my CHURCH who doesn’t even be in relationships with these women, but he breadcrumbs them in friendships where they hope, even for years, that he will finally choose them as a girlfriend and ultimately a wife. It’s so sad and I’m so glad I got out of it before I got stuck in this disgusting cycle.

[@AFAskygoddess]

I heard great advice: *Don't let the history keep you in misery.* Sometimes, things are over.

[@a.j.walker5729]

All of what you said 💜

[@Mrbeansadog]

I always took pride in needing so little. OMG I'm almost 70!

[@joitach]

You’re not alone in that. It was a point of pride for me, too.

[@dakoderii4221]

Helps explain why I got into survival stuff while living with my dad, even though we were in the city.

[@gorunsko31]

Me too - 75 now, exhausted

[@lorettanericcio-bohlman567]

Almost 70 here too. The peace is fabulous after cutting from a narcissist. Should someone come into my life that is on equal footing, that would be grand. Meanwhile enjoy doing little things for yourself. Days are miraculous with joy. Doing some of my best mountain biking ever

[@gorunsko31]

@@lorettanericcio-bohlman567 👍👏💕

[@maryholton162]

One of my greatest breakthrough in my healing, was realizing that I had a history of accepting crumbs in my friendships and putting in too much effort to keeping the relationship going.

[@yukio_saito]

I can relate to you. I get rid of toxic friends.

[@lauramytunes]

I relate too unfortunately. I was keeping the relationships going. I stopped 🛑 Now feeling all the loneliness and hurt because they really weren't my friends

[@goldalevin869]

@@lauramytunes I know it's easy to be mad at yourself for not knowing differently. The best thing to do is to try and make other friends who are kinder and more giving.

[@vickyelmes3558]

'It's easier to blame yourself...until it isn't. ' It's like waking up and seeing something for the first time despite the fact that it's been the reality for a long, long time. Thank you Dr Ramani.

[@norapeace6526]

There’s a guy at my CHURCH who doesn’t even be in relationships with these women, but he breadcrumbs them in friendships where they hope, even for years, that he will finally choose them as a girlfriend and ultimately a wife. It’s so sad and I’m so glad I got out of it before I got stuck in this disgusting cycle.

[@TheKrispyfort]

Has anyone ever pulled him up on this? I'm a church woman who just wants some friends to friendship hang out with - I'm willing to run interference with this guy for the good of the Sisters.

[@norapeace6526]

@@TheKrispyfort what do you mean “pulled him up on this?” he has a reputation of being “flirty” so most people don’t know how bad it gets. But there’s definitely talks in the work with leadership and pastors about it.

[@REBEKAHJOHNSON-lh6xh]

Wow…that’s sick!! Sadly the church hides a lot of toxic people.

[@TheKrispyfort]

@@norapeace6526 sorry, Australian English "pull him up" - to call them out, to unambiguously address the issue. Being a neurodivergent individual with all the ACEs, I am often accused of flirting - I did not know I was flirting, I thought I was just being friendly, isn't flirting supposed to be intentional? - and other people came up and said "hey, Krispy, these guys think you are flirting with them and stringing them along". And then I "Pikachu?" faced because I thought I was being polite and friendly. My social skills and signals appear to be very different to other people's signals. No-one has ever told me that this word is really code for that completely unrelated concept. Like I said, I just wanna hangout with other people and I'm unconsciously repeating their signals back at them because I have the neurospicey brain and the neurospicey brain is very talking parrot like. People tend to forget the parrot isn't having an involved informed meaningful conversation. It's just repeating the sounds it was trained to.

[@user-vu8pm4dw6d]

​@@norapeace6526she probably meant confront him

[@suzanne4396]

Dr. R's last comment ... " Until it isnt. " And you quit trying, accept that they will Never, Ever change.. Move on. And detach. And its the best I've felt in ten years. !! 😊😊😊

[@GaryStewart2]

Great video, there is nothing like a perfect marriage or relationship, I learnt that in everything there is always a solution, 5 years ago I and my wife divorced because we were having some difficulties in our marriage but we are back together ,it was a really bad phase but we got through it..

[@peterwilliams6361]

there is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things

[@GaryStewart2]

its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is SHELLY RENEE WHITE.

[@peterwilliams6361]

this is helpful, I will look her up. I hope this works for me too, I really miss her.

[@costelloandlizzievolk2233]

Totally learning I deserve more, and don’t have to chase, please, appease, or earn love. I don’t accept breadcrumbs anymore. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤

[@youngblood8540]

When you settle for bread crumbs, you'll always be starving.

[@user-yw5hm4fy2i]

Absolutely agreed 👍. How can anyone feel full with little bits of crumbs leftovers, not even BIrds 😄😆..

[@a.j.walker5729]

Yep! Just famished the whole entire relationship.

[@user-fe1pg5cf5u]

This video is one of the most profound. The thing is, the narcissist does not care if you starve. Then, they will mock you for being too thin. Paradoxically, a lot of narcissists that I’ve known are hoarders. A cruel and traumatic circle.

[@Golden24393]

Well said!

[@danailminchev4685]

Bread crumbing is probably one of the most cruel manipulation strategies because it "cooks" you slowly and steadily. The more compromises you make the further you get from your true self. And that shows how vital is for everyone to be able to set healthy boundaries and, if needed, go no contact with people who gradually degrade and devaluate you.

[@TheKrispyfort]

The frog in the heating water. The frog knows it's getting boiled to death after it tries to escape and realises that the environment has already depleted its ability to affect self-rescue.

[@douglesley972]

Well said , once you feel devalued by any relational issue with a person , it is a sign they do not care about you and your feelings.

[@jimachilles8299]

"The relationship is rationalized on ... the absence of abuse." Ouch. My life for so many years....

[@kathleensmith8365]

So glad you addressed this insidious, cowardly technique. No one deserves this starvation diet. I had a narcissist slither back into my life a few years ago. I was able to see the whole process for what it was. To me breadcrumbing is one of the most insulting, disrespectful things you can do to someone. To me it is a sign it is "Time to go." And I did. No explanation to the narcissist, no goodbye. I blocked everything. Not my problem. So different from the way I used to be. Took me a long time to get here. So grateful you are teaching this now so other people can be saved.

[@skies_have_fallen]

4:06 "The bar moves so low that you basically have to tunnel to get under it." I'm going to write that one down and reflect on it.

[@maevebutler4641]

After years of feeling, I was never enough & settling for breadcrumbs. His worst behaviour, which was often violent, became my final exit out of that toxic entanglement . Inflicting Breadcrumbing in any relationship is such a cruel behaviour

[@TheKrispyfort]

0:03 before we start Bread-crumbing is Future-Faking via partial positive reinforcement (backed up by negative punishment). It's the "near win" of a gambling machine designed to keep you hooked. Social acceptance is the pay-off

[@tabithamuthoni9722]

This is it

[@wangcheng3940]

Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago, The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her

[@wangcheng3940]

Thank you for this valuable information, I just looked her up now online. impressive.

[@glenyshill72]

@wang cheng 39 If she is narcissistic you will be better off by beginning the journey of calling an end to the relationship. It will be better for you in the long run. Wishing you strength, for you will need to try and stay strong now, and all the very best for your future.

[@steggopotamus]

Emotions don't just go away with the snap of a finger. Give yourself a bit of time to change your worldview.

[@massimo7219]

Walk away. Show strength. Make her wonder what you’re doing and who you’re doing it with

[@digitalversatilediscjockey3465]

I feel u tho I jus went thru this. It was a slowburn fade but like the previous replies say it really jus takes time. And try to change the narrative in your head, instead of: "I miss her so badly" think "I'm blessed to have had a whole five years with her". If that makes sense, over time if you manually change your thinking like that it will become automatic but again takes lots of time brother

[@cherrybacon3319]

I found myself accepting friendships for me, that were no better than my Narc, until i realised how i felt when i got rid of everyone who were no good for me, whuch was a hell of a lot better. 🍒

[@TheKrispyfort]

Yes, a peaceful and undramatic existence is indeed a precious thing 😌

[@carlmullerlane]

"It's always easier to blame ourselves. Till it isn't". Wise words that could apply in a number of circumstances.

[@jasnanelson912]

The worst 8 years of my life. Even my best friend doesn't understand when I try to explain 😢 It is over now 🙏 just need to heal.

[@olyabrenner3590]

I don’t even want to say how horrible and so few bread crumbs that can be given without any shame it’s crazy they don’t see it or care

[@millymay0025]

Really well described. Our family are in the frustration of seeing a sibling being sent on a yo-yo of indifference and then a crumb of attention according to her narcissistic spouses emotions. Hearing her justify his ‘goodness’, and ‘love for her’ because he “let her go out” with him and their daughter to the shops, after he’s spent the last week saying disgusting things to her and treating her despicably. It’s the most frustrating and heart breaking thing to watch, and the most confusing, invalidating and traumatic thing for her to go through. If he gives her anything which is the most basic of human rights, she believes she’s lucky……. I think it’s the most wicked abusive and I hate to say clever trick the narcissist has 😢

[@a.j.walker5729]

I appreciate your willingness to educate us about narcissistic relationships. Your knowledge has helped me over the last couple of years. Thank you so very much. May you continue to be successful in all that you do, Dr. Ramani. Peace and Blessings.

[@lotemnagar6821]

Feel the same way about her, well said

[@jeanie5074]

The mental model instilled in us as children must be washed out of our minds again. But, how?

[@aquinas7855]

new habits new rules new standards for yourself and others

[@amberm5626]

I went as far as learning what healthy parenting is and applied it to myself. Reparenting. I'm learning that it's a responsibility that my parents couldn't handle, and I am doing it right for myself. No other adult can do it for me... I, as an adult, owe my inner child a good parent, and I will be that. That includes keeping her away from predators and charmers. Having healthy standards and boundaries and learning that other adults are not my responsibility. 💖

[@dakoderii4221]

Check out Michael Nelhs book "The Indoctrinated Brain". He goes over exactly that. You have to get brain cells to regenerate in your hippocampus. That's where your brain writes information from short term to long term memory. He also goes into how both stress and nutritional deficiencies cause serious neurological conditions that prime people to be used and abused, feeding a vicious cycle. He has done some appearances on various shows where he talks about this, if you don't want to read the book and just get the tldr. He was last on Russel Brand's show.

[@user-qv9nw1dq2f]

True. It’s always easier to blame ourselves until it isn’t! Thank you 🙏 dr Ramani❤ you are saving people’s lives ❤

[@joitach]

I do this with so many relationships, not just my partners. I see it with my boss and friends, too. My boss may neglect their job for months and treat me poorly in that, but then do one simple thing such as ‘liking’ or giving a response to a text message (that would be an expected part of their job). I’m just so glad that they responded that I forget all of the things they’ve neglected. I’m so grateful for a simple breadcrumb response. I’m turning this behavior around but holy smokes, it’s deeply rooted.

[@celestialfortuna37]

devastating for children of these parents. it destroys their lives.

[@stephanieschafer7310]

I know this isn’t the point of the video, but I just wanted to say that you look beautiful and your earrings are a great accessory to your outfit! I like the backdrop as well. 😊

[@klucero2011]

Yes! Dr. Ramani is stunning! ❤

[@David-ki2dl]

Every relationship I was in involved breadcrumbing 🍞 , from parents and siblings to significant others and job supervisors, I've only had 3 true friends in my 65 years of life that where honest and always on the up and up,

[@Wishpool]

I'm 57 and feel the same way. It's hard to realize how little I was willing to accept (and how much I was willing to tolerate) from family, friends, and partners. My walls are up *high* now and I spend more time alone, but it's better for my soul.

[@efdangotu]

These lessons are so valuable, thank you! You are one of my professors in KZbin University of Life. I get free college for the rest of my life, it only cost time to attend. ❤

[@TheKrispyfort]

Group study sessions and some platform presentations are in order

[@user-ti1qp3vf4e]

Subsisting on less and less but hoping for the next 'fix', so when there IS a 'crumb' there is a little peak to get back to the original high. It's like an addiction withdrawal and chemically related; after the intense love bombing - so filled with dopamine then cut off. Such a rollercoaster drain... hopefully once poisoning wears off, the narc's tainted love drug is easier to spot and repel.

[@TheKrispyfort]

It is literally a gambling addiction. Look up research on partial positive reinforcement. It's the STRONGEST conditioning protocol. Coupled with all the brain function around the "near wins", this is why Casinos hire psychologists - keep people deliberately addicted to gambling.

[@TheKrispyfort]

Use Google Scholar instead of Google as your search engine. IF you email and ask respectfully, THEN the authors of the journal articles might email you back a PDF copy of their research articles

[@Wishpool]

"The same people who are candy to our eyes can be poisonous to our hearts. Study their ingredients carefully before feeding them to your soul."

[@An-mei]

Thank you for explaining breadcrumbing.

[@gertrudewest4535]

Aren’t you describing the entire American corporate state that has a stranglehold on every aspect of our lives? Just trying to do a deeper dive here because when I listen to thoughts like this, it reminds me of our broken socio-economic landscape, controlled by the rich and powerful. As workers, we are constantly being erased as human beings in every way imaginable. The things that we need for our survival ( food, housing, transportation, energy and medicine), are being controlled by a few and used as commodities for their enrichment, regardless of the suffering it is causing to the average person. And they keep their plantation overseers around to keep us all in line - the psychologists, doctors, lawyers, politicians, academics, etc. To the point where our voices are silenced by their heavy jackboots on our necks. Just saying.

[@patmills8395]

ABSOLUTLEY

[@aubreyj.tennant1123]

YES!!!!!!!!! Excellent observation ! 👍💪

[@mday3821]

My thoughts exactly!

[@TheKrispyfort]

Read Adam Grant's "Hidden Potential", it has some great stories of real events where narcissists were not able to thwart the goal. An amazing book for anyone who supervises other people, including their own kids.

[@wherethemisfitssing]

Can you please make videos on narcissistic parents specifically!!!! It will be really helpful ❤❤

[@TheKrispyfort]

It will also be really triggering, and not to just us the kids. Those parents are going to go off with all the justifications and the "I did my best" (yeah, well, your best was malicious cruelty) comments. Actually, you're right. Dr Ramani does need to do such a video - even just to study the comments that are submitted.

[@evveh.7270]

Doctor Ramani is so smart, I can't stop being impressed with her wisdom, knowledge and insights. She knows Narcissism so well, deep to all of it's nuances and complexities. Thank you so much for continue educating and advocating about this issue which so common, almost trivial, while being neglected by society.

[@deborahswart1718]

Wow! Yes, this! :-( You're slowly getting emptied out. Depleted from a healthy sense of self-worth and awareness of even the existence of self.

[@laureah21]

Thankyou for your videos. I’m in therapy at the moment for CPTSD . I’ve had what I believed were memory lapses that led to MRI and neuropsych tests. All came back as very very good memory. So I started writing down convos. I realised that it’s actually my husband making things up and blaming me!! I spoke to my psychologist and she went through a diagnostic test for NPD for him. I answered truthfully and she said he most certainly has it at quite a high level and now days my trauma is probably linked to marriage for 20 years. He won’t do any type of therapy though. So I’m learning about it all and she is helping me with coming to terms with it all. We did do attachment style tests and it seems I’m secure type but I have high empathy (I always feel sorry for him and see how he has lost friends et and jobs etc and how his identity is so tied to all these things) she said this could be a disadvantage for me in dealing with a narc . Thankyou for your videos I’m learning so much and I feel in this case knowledge is power

[@amberinthemist7912]

This was my entire life with my dad. Nothing but breadcrumbs and future fakes. Meanwhile I kept showing up whenever he needed or wanted. I realized he has no real attachment to me or anyone, just people he's grown accustomed to using. When his old age finally catches up with him I won't be helping.

[@NarcSurvivor]

Breadcrumbing leads to trauma bonding. Because they give you morsels of attention and validation, which leaves you hanging on.

[@suzanne4396]

Ok, But. He's a Neglectful narc ( with Covert & some Malignant thrown in ) He has been breadcrumbing me since 2-3 months into the 10 yrs I've spent with him; and Dr.R said that it's because the " novelty has worn off & they're not into you anymore." Except, he never lets Me go.. I've (literally!) blocked & deleted him 117 times in the 10 yrs; even after I Told his Wife (!! Yes, he HAD a wife) about us & the 9 yrs we'd been together & she divorced him, not 4 days later - even though what I did resulted in him having to live with his Mommy at 43 & be divorced - he had a new # and contacted me. So, no he didn't lose interest... He's told me when he's had a few drinks that he's addicted to me & can't have a life without me ...( As a Neglectful narc, he only opens up & becomes vulnerable, when he's drinking. So...?? How to explain his behavior? I believe that as a Neglectful narc, that's all he CAN do; breadcrumb. His ex wife & two prior exes told me he was the same with them ( the breadcrumbing, not the part where he wouldn't/ couldn't let them go.) TIA for any input on this. 😊

[@sugarpoultry]

I knew a woman who was bread crumbed for 10 years only to be cheated on (emotional affair at the very least tho), until my husband and I called him out. Even after admitting it, continuing to be around the other woman, and abandoning and abusing his wife and kids afterwards, he still managed to weasel his way back to her with hoovering and love bombing, and the whole cycle is going to start over again soon. We're pretty sure the love bombing phase is ending.... ugh I feel so sorry for her. She should have divorced him when she had the chance. She was far better off without him. It's only a matter of *when* he starts the cycle over again. :( Sadly nothing any of us can do or say to help her see it. She's trauma bonded to the extreme. So sad. :(

[@TheKrispyfort]

The kindest thing you can do at this point is never say "told you so" 😢

[@user-uz8np4iv8g]

Thank you for not just being a bystander, and calling out. I wish I had someone like you in my life, I also missed all the red flags during the marriage 25 yrs, kept blaming myself, Friends and family observed him at his best, BUT kept 🤫 Bless you, shame your friend went back for Round 2.😢

[@sugarpoultry]

​@@TheKrispyfort Sadly her narcissist husband and the other woman (yes they're still friends) managed to convince her that WE were the problem. Still hard to believe.... Eventually we had to go no contact. Not our problem anymore.

[@sugarpoultry]

​@@user-uz8np4iv8g Thank you. ❤ We were the only ones in our big group of friends that wouldn't stand for their behavior. None of them cared about his wife or kids. They then proceeded to turn our entire group against us. In the end it didn't work, only one of them blindly believed their lies, but sadly the wife sorta sided with her husband in the end, and the other woman still got to be friends with her husband (messed up I know). They gaslit her to oblivion. 😢 She sorta dug her own grave at this point. Nothing I can do.

[@TheKrispyfort]

@@sugarpoultry we're supposed to go through difficult times. Not stake a claim and hang a shingle. You did what you could. And the best thing for your marriage. You disengaged. Health in interpersonal relationships is too much a foreign way of being for some to grow beyond the culture shock, and they go back to the dangerous security of comfortable predictability. In some weird way she probably feels less vulnerable 😢

[@denisekoenig9479]

I have never heard of this until today

[@JoanneOmahony-fq1pr]

Thanks for keeping us updated! I feel sympathy and empathy for our country. low income people are suffering to survive, and I appreciate Deborah. You've helped my family with your advice. imagine investing $30,000 and receiving $95,460 after 28 days of trading.

[@BeskeDagmar]

I began investing in stocks and Def earlier this year, and it is the best choice l've ever made. My portfolio is rounding up to almost a million, and I have realized that when a stock makes it to the news. Chances are you're quite late to the party, the idea is to get in early on blue chips before it becomes public. There are lots of life changing opportunities in the market, and maximize it.

[@EcklandEaring]

What opportunities are there in the market, and how do l profit from it?

[@JoanneOmahony-fq1pr]

You can make a lot of money from the market regardless of whether it strengthens or crashes. The key is to be well positioned.

[@PierluigiNosilia]

I would really like to know how this actually works.

[@JoanneOmahony-fq1pr]

All you need is a good capital, and the service of a professional broker, with those your investment will most certainly produce high yields.

[@bob5245]

I didn't know that there was a name for it.

[@SailorGreenTea]

I read this and thought of you. Proverbs 16:28 in the esv. It made me think of a narcissist being sure one group knows one thing while another something else.

[@moniquejackson7741]

Brilliant.

[@user-sp4eh6vj8u]

❤ congratulations 🎉🎉🎉 on 📚

[@pwhite5411]

I used to call my mother on my way to work as a means of setting a boundary where she was getting her “daily call” with a 15 minute time limit. One morning after I hung up I said - out loud- to myself “ oh my god, she was in such a good mood and didn’t blame me for anything today. Now I can have a good day.” 😮 WFT??? That was a huge revelation for me as I had already started to work my way through the toxicity of my trauma bonded relationship with her. I’m no to low contact now. 🎉

[@Prdprude]

Thank you... your videos have helped me. I FINALLY saw thru the BS and so recognized after listening to your podcasts, the love bombing , the ridicule of my character,him wanting to maintain a friendship with me then wanting me to be friends with my replacement 😂😂..aint happening.. told him I need time to figure out what's best for me.. I'm getting stronger been over 3 months. Still have a ways to go but its coming .. thank you

[@miss_fitt_1724]

Thank you for this video. Btw, I love your makeup!

[@PanOhChocolate]

I finally recognized that I have had to become adept at setting my own table so I don’t need anyone’s crumbs anymore. The greatest gift of going through a year long crisis without any support, concern or even awareness was the freeing path of no contact it led to.

[@matikramer9648]

Thank you, doctor You're my life saver Saver of my sanity

[@agapereign]

This describes my last relationship. His father is a narcissist and I recognized it right away. I didn’t recognize it until after it was over. I expended so much energy trying to understand the ghosting and waning interest but still remaining. Now, I know it as bread crumbing, solidifying what I had come to believe…that he was a narcissist, too.

[@ashal1002]

I left a relationship over a month ago for many reasons including breadcrumbing. Dr. Ramani...it was very hard trying to determine if I was dealing with a narcissist or someone who was struggling with trauma and disorganized attachment style.

[@TheKrispyfort]

Why not both 🤷 May the Lady Fortuna smile blessings upon you

[@TheLove1Makes]

Thanks good topic.

[@gayballew8449]

Omgosh...I love the descriptive term if receiving little

[@cherylsibson2529]

Bread crumbing, trauma bonding, son husbands. it's not the wife, it's not you that is the problem, rationalized hope gets lost when he justifies the indifference. When' it's realized it's over, it's over.

[@privateprivate8366]

My comment starts to depart from the topic. But, I think I’ve become better and catching onto when I’m being breadcrumbed. As a result, I have probably been in two or more relationships, where it simply becomes a mutual discard. What I mean by this is that it either becomes a completely mutual discard or remaining connected to that person, on a more disconnected and superficial level, to have needs met, such as on a job. Perhaps, I’m not entirely codependent. Because, when I start to see problems, I like to put some daylight, between me and that person. I’ve learned enough about them and that they’re not a safe person that, at that point, someone else can have them, in that more enmeshed, love bombing sense, unless and until the next person finds out who this person really is.

[@michellemitchell5005]

Breadcrumbs is what I have been accepting from my sister and now she basically has stopped even that. So I called her out and said she was mean and her behavior speaks volumes anshe plays dumb? My mom is out narc. She getting up in age and when she passes it will all be on my shoulders because my sister has washed her hands of my mom and plays the golden child over the phone daughter… there but not there. It makes me so angry because I always said I’d be there for her if she needed me… now she’s moved away and my brother helps my mom.. so I can’t leave him without support. It’s brought us closer together and my sister has all but disappeared from our lives. My boundaries created walls and we are taking a break from reality cause my truth telling brings out the worst in us… so yup time to shut up. This is not the way I thought my 60’s might be… I was hoping we’d be closer now we are farther apart that ever…. It’s so sad 😞

[@bittu-kd7zy]

Dr.Ramani, I have watched your videos about how a narcissist perceives 'love ' but can you please analyze why normal people are able to receive love and give back the same or more and a narcissist is incapable of doing the same? In essence, could you compare the two and why that happens? What went wrong? Thanks for all you do ❤🙏

[@lauramytunes]

I was told by adults that I (as an adult myself) should not have ANY expectations. 🤔 💭

[@Susan-hg3rw]

I understood my Mother. I understood how she got that way. So, I accepted it. I loved my Mom. I saw past her princess Subgroup of Narcissistic behaviors. And because I had been taught as why she could go super bitch sometimes, I let it go I accepted her burden. And even chuckles at her antics like I was watching a cat video.

[@kittycatty5335]

Please talk more about this. Thanks for your videos!

[@Emily-Flowers]

I feel like my Mom love bombs me then breadcrumbs me...She will ignore me for weeks, months or even years, then she will show up from out of state and want to take me to dinner, shower me with praise and gifts, and then she is gone as quick as she came. I always hold out hope she will stay connected with me, but she just bread crumbs me with a few texts here and there, but for the most part, communication just ends...This has made me not even want to engage with her anymore because I feel like she just comes to town to get her narcissistic supply from other relatives, and to keep up appearances. I had a roller coaster childhood, and all I want is stability and a secure attachment from her. I'm definitely trauma bonded. 😓

[@raggaahmed8626]

But maybe this is her way of conection ...especially she is your mum ..she love you and doesn't do that for money or to take advantage of ..We are humans..some times we just have to except love from others ...as a gift ..some give flowers some give cars ..etc .it's breadcrumbs when there is a victim. That's what I think.❤

[@elipotter369]

You are probably spot on and very smart to see all this. For the emotional part, I hope you can get healing and stop hoping for what the can't/won't give. I hope you can find self love or loving from other people to replace that hurt and emptiness. If it was me, I would emotionally detach and just put up with and enjoy her times with me, or if it hurt too much, I'd stop seeing her.

[@glenyshill72]

@raagga But she has said that she 'had a rollercoaster childhood ...................................... ' where was/were her parent/s then ?

[@matthewwozniak9138]

I am quite proud of myself today for not looking at my phone during dinner with my longtime good friend.

[@sjwillis1137]

Thankyou 🙏😢

[@trevorvaz7109]

Have you thought of writing a text book about narcissism? Healing? Interconnections?

[@glenyshill72]

@trevorvaz7109 BOOK: 'It's Not You' written by Dr Ramani

[@-Strauchdieb]

First mentioned to a public by the brothers Grimm, Germany in 1812 (Hansel und Gretel).

[@jojolive4648]

Not sure if this is common but my husband realized I was leaving him after 10.5 yrs and started at stage 1 (love bombing). Now I'm super confused

[@tupouakau8983]

I am sailing I am sailing. The pain in my stomach knowing I might not come back.

[@peterhoekstra2957]

Thank you .

[@sjwillis1137]

I hear you . Seriously.

[@Sundais4freelee]

Could you do a video on narcissists who project and hold be up contempt for your parenting . 😊

[@Obihann]

When considering your videos, and book, will it all work the same if the person is a sociopath rather than a narcissist?

[@irenehurtig266]

Been there done that no more.

[@ishmaeldaniels1944]

Thank u

[@user-us5gs7rv5o]

there is no relationship, period

[@childofchrist]

🙏🏻

[@chaatai77]

Would you mind analyzing "Baby reindeer" series in terms of narcissism? I think you will find tons of analytic material there..

[@TheKrispyfort]

"So long and thanks for all the fish" is what I almost signed out with last local training session. Almost. Didn't. At the meeting with HQ (and HR) I requested a week ago, my resignation yesterday was given with the reason "because I want to Live In Peace before I have to rest in it" LIP it to RIP it people 😁 I didn't tell anyone at the local level, nor any level, that I was resigning - until I had resigned at HQ. And, I have zero plans to tell anyone else that I have said ba-bye 👋 The local level and management is so ☣️☢️⚠️🤢☠️ that it needs to be careful it isn't in the path of a new galactic bypass. Fortunately, I know how to fashion a towel and (outside PTSD) not to panic. People who champion Predator-advocacy and Abuse-apologetics, and consider abuse of authority, influence, and power as a perk/right of the position, will tell on themselves eventually. Someone once shared that you are not the position you hold. You only embody the role. A five star general might be deserving of a green room with all the trimmings while about to speak at an event, but Dave who retired after last year's event he's good with the foldout chair and Starbucks while waiting to touch on more of his points at this years event. Dave doesn't need to scream "Do you know who I am?!" because Dave knows exactly who he is. He is Dave, and he used to embody the role of a 5-star general, and remembers that the quality of the coffee is the important thing and not the aesthetics of the container holding it. Be a good barista ☕

[@elizabethbettencourt1116]

More interested in the lawnmower lol 😂❤

[@user-yl6qg2gf7h]

She has razon muchas veces.

[@BaeBe-tz5nk]

ITS NOT YOU puts me in such a great space i lost my hard copy so im going to get a r copy o loved jotting down the things i like about me because i forget them so much Love you so kuch Dr Ramani

[@user-uz8np4iv8g]

Likewise my hard copy, has so many markers😊, This book will be reread many more times. Thank you Dr Ramani

[@aldelgado9343]

After the lovebombing comes the bread crumbs, i get it

[@bonitobonita9263]

So love bombing, and push and pull behavior can be a part of bread-crumbing? Those are very similar and I don’t get the difference sometimes

[@jocelyndambrosio7794]

⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️

[@SusanMorales]

But what do you do if you are being breadcrumbed and you’re not leaving?

[@20jayabhat]

REALISE THE PAINFUL TRUTH AND LEAVE.. YOU DESERVE BETTER..

[@elipotter369]

What I would do is emotionally detach from expecting anything from them, and if it was the easiest way and if i wanted to keep things smooth, I would just be polite and not reveal i had changed on the inside.

[@YocelinFreitas]

wow trauma it has faded

[@LadySurvivor44]

DoctorRamani….I need help😢😢😢

[@b8akaratn]

4:36 oh wow, yeah... you get SO GRATEFUL for the barest minimum, forgetting that hey... uh, you (and probably others) were entitled to a bit more, just because of this thing called "human decency" (which was probably lacking) 😐

[@cymbolichuman433]

Yeah...this video has me thinking a little bit more about me.

[@AyBe-ov7hr]

What if we have a trauma bond? Is there a way to negotiate and monitor our behavior within relationships?

[@YocelinFreitas]

hold on to nothing all is bad

[@kimcerta8407]

what about when you are breadcrumbed for the entire relationship?

[@caroniquedecius4193]

Hey Dr. Ramani, can you make a video above sex and the narcissist? My narcissistic ex was only concerned about his own climax and would turn to me and say he knew I was fulfilled. Meanwhile my vulnerable narcissistic mother talks so much about having no love life. (Woe is me in a loveless marriage, give me attention while i devalue my spouse). It’s such a difference but I feel like there is a connection I’m missing.

[@user-uz8np4iv8g]

Ooooo good ? My ex Narc, used to say, He needed Sex to release tension....... I wanted Sex to feel Loved

[@BudFuddlacker]

Is it possible to ‘move back’ from going no contact on someone to gray rock? Is that even possible? Or is the toothpaste out of the tube at that point? Might make a good video (if it’s even possible)

[@BudFuddlacker]

@T.el.e.gr.am_Doctor_Ramani I don’t see anything over here Dr.

[@Questavitabella]

Can you be trauma bonded to someone you’ve only seen for 6 months and are not together but is being bread crumped.

[@eupheria3055]

Are narcissists aware of their behavior or is it something they can't control Like would they think ok so i need to breadcrumb this person in order to hurt them Or is it something they find themselves doing just the way they are

[@robinantonio8870]

Excellent question

[@mekalove8174]

They know exactly what they are doing!!! How are they different and treat people differently than they do the ones they so call love, when they are out!! Think about it, they know when to bread crumb you, when they feel your pulling away or your going to leave and there not finish with you yet!! It's all a manipulation tactic!! I see if they treat everyone the same, but they don't!!!They hurt the ones who love them!!! PURE EVIL!! 😈 THE MORE YOU LOVE THEM, THE MORE THEY HATE YOU!!

[@audienceof14ever]

Does breadcrumbing mean they strategically plan out their slow decline of affection and attention?

[@erinward2983]

It's sad when we put on a mask and push forward trying anything to make it work while we're treated in ways that make us feel so insignificant.

[@cherrybacon3319]

I used to feel like an Actor getting into a role and being in character of that role, not knowing what mood he was going to be in. After becoming indifferent to him I found that Mask so easy to put on, but it cost me my true self, so one day I kept it off and stood my ground.