What Does Dissociation Feel Like?

---
Follow me:
/ complextraumaqueen
/ cplxtraumaqueen
Support the channel:
patreon.com/kelela
Donate at posttraumaticvictory.com
Music: special thanks to BenSound (bensound.com) and DJ Quads ( / aka-dj-quads )
Disclaimer: I am simply sharing my experiences and my opinion. Please do not take any medical advice from my content, and please speak to someone if you're struggling or have questions about your health

[@khigher]

Impossible to describe isn't it? It is like autopilot. To me it feels like being drunk, you can't focus on anything fully.

[@maddiepeyton]

khigher Yep, same here

[@qwertyuiopasdfghjkl9879]

Exactly it’s impossible to explain

[@theresamischeski71]

I use to call it la la land ie im spacing out,I thought it was normal honest I did,However the flash backs freak me out because I am actually there watching.

[@sarahc561]

I like to say I had a 'turn', it sounds old fashioned and strange.

[@starlet12321]

I tried to explain it to two seperate doctors on two different occasions and they were both kinda lost. Its so frustrating describing something thats so indescribable. They told me that it might be some weird type of migrane. Weird because during these episodes i dont have any pain what so ever. But i dont think either of them were confident in that diagnoses. They told me i should see an eye doctor and then after go to a neurologist. I hope i have answers soon because i was a freshman in college this past year but this thing is getting worse and its impossible to concentrate on school when I'm pretty much "switched off"

[@fleurwebber2206]

for me, it feels like i’m not actually there, but my body is moving or whatever without me even thinking about it - like my body is carrying on but my actual self is not there. it’s kinda like floating and i can’t see anything/ focus on anything, it’s so overwhelming and it’s such a weird feeling

[@DannyLarsTV]

I’m 14 and I think I have it I have no idea how and this exact thing is happening to me right now and it’s really scary

[@patglennon9671]

Floating in space sums it up, people think I am nuts.

[@icyan393]

i feel exactly like this a lot ;_;

[@cissikk628]

Exactly how I feel

[@LaceBlood]

I have problems with dissociating in grocery stores and stuff like that. I walk in and it’s so much stimulation I end up wandering around. For me, it feels like I’m in a fog. I can also have someone tell me an entire story and just not absorb a single word. The issue that bothers me the the most is forgetting words, or forgetting what I wanted to say. I get super frustrated (PTSD)

[@GlitterEnby]

Oh yes! Me too. Dissociation is my first response to large groups of people and overwhelm. I once spent basically an entire concert just staring blankly at the stage because I was too overwhelmed. And the forgetting words is so frustrating. In essence, I talk for a living and sometimes I'll just blank out on common words or sometimes the completely wrong word will come out. Ughhh

[@LaceBlood]

Jane Mays I just wander around and can’t remember what I’m there for nor do I even THINK of stuff. Just wander and stare at shelves of stuff. And when I forget words my husband will try to offer what word I might need but it makes it worse.

[@Beauty_Queen94]

toronto.quinn that happens to me when I dissociate too! Not much when I go into a store but that’s how I feel! I feel like I’m in a fog!

[@LaceBlood]

Alexis Sabia it’s soooo weird !

[@AndyStarrr]

I relate to this so much! I can spend hours in a shop and it can feel like 5 minutes. My partner tells me off often for not listening to him or not taking an interest because I zone out when I'm really trying not to. I also forget words and end up having long pauses in conversation because I can't find the words.

[@AhsetofAtum]

My dog buddy isn't a service dog but it's interesting that he seems to notice when I'm dissociating badly and often sits in front of me and starts barking. He is way more observant than people are. People are pretty oblivious in my experience.

[@Beauty_Queen94]

Charlotte Holmes yea I agree! Dogs r much more observant! What breed is your dog?

[@AhsetofAtum]

Alexis Sabia He is a mix of hound and rottweiler. I got him from the local pound when he was a year old. He had a name when he was brought in, but didn't respond to it at all so everyone there just called him Buddy because he was so friendly. 🐕

[@Beauty_Queen94]

Charlotte Holmes that makes sense hounds r very observant 😊 and super cute!!!

[@AhsetofAtum]

Alexis Sabia 😊

[@Kitsaplorax]

My Pekingese Wu will sit next to me and meditate when he senses this.

[@austiiee1953]

I think one of the worst parts of dissociation that no one likes to talk about is when you experience the other side of the spectrum. those brief moments when you're hyper-aware of your being-ness. The extreme deafening clarity of the reality around you. Where the feelings both physical and psychological just feel like they're all the way on and over flooding. It's so overwhelming, especially if you spend a majority of your life desensitized and turned off to feeling most sensations.

[@MyAccount9600]

Finally you described what I get often, it's like im "too present " and it's soooooo creepy, suddenly aware of everything

[@VirtualEHO]

Dissociative states are scary as fuck. However, I find things either foggy or incredibly bright. Either or. Sounds can either fuse together or sound incredibly loud. Depends on the level of dissociation I guess...

[@maddys6369]

yesss! like for me (i’m in middle school) i’ll only hear other people talking and it’ll be really loud.

[@popcorn.piglet808]

“I’ll just nope the heck outta there” I love it

[@WayfaringFoxCreations]

I think I remember Dodie calling it 'the most boring form of time travel' and I completely agree. This video was so informative, it helped me realise that when I'm faced with pressuring conversations, there's a name for my brain basically turning to jelly. Weird that I never made that link before. Thank you always Kelela

[@eliza3986]

FreeHearts125 oh, another dodie fan?

[@SunnySideUp393]

lol before i figured it out i would just think that my brain is scrambled eggs and i wasnt there enough to question it until afterwards. jelly is good too

[@shawnhinton68]

I have memory loss as well, big chunks just gone. Stupid things like visiting a certain mall with my wife, who swears we were there, but i have no recollection of. Thanks for letting me know I'm not the only one.

[@sophiadavenport3959]

My disassociation lasted for six years after my father passed away from cancer, I constantly felt a floating sensation and my feet felt numb.

[@ToxicFruitSnack]

Patricia the booke hope you’re doing okay

[@patashnikelroy]

Patricia tha bibliophile I’m not sure if I’m dissociating but sometimes I just like zone out for a couple minutes and then it like fades back in and I feel like I’m in a video game. Is that dissociating?

[@Luna-ft8yh]

Yes that floating feeling I get it a LOT. Like I'd just leave my body and leave it all behind

[@ralfwashington1502]

@@patashnikelroy same not sure if it's just zoning out or not. I'm definitely ADHD so it could be just that. Are you diagnosed ADD or ADHD?

[@LochiumFunis]

I dissociate a lot when I get triggered or overwhelmed. Most of the time it happens either right before or after I have a panic attack.

[@marz3013]

It feels like a panic attack without the panic huh

[@saranox7319]

Same. I noticed the first time feeling weird (didn’t know about dissociating) I forced was myself into situations where I get scared and I learned to dissociate. I‘ll feel the panic attack and I‘m like nope I‘m outta here this is too much.

[@caprisunlover4732]

Yeah I went to a mall and the floor was so white and shiny and the lights were so bright and intense. My legs started to tingle and I felt like my soul was leaving my body

[@mimiwiwi9210]

i used to think this was just a me thing and it was so scary so i’m very relieved that this is actually a thing other people go through

[@jasonfenton8250]

4:05 Wow! I've never actually heard someone bring up this specific thing I thought I only did. I rub my fingertips together and examine my hands. But they're not *my* hands, you know?

[@tahleasinparker3660]

Sometimes I feel like my skin on my limbs like arms or legs feels kinda like pins and needles or sensitive but they feel like they aren’t mine, and ARENT really connected to me. Almost like you could cut them off and not feel it or it be real?

[@TeaCup1940]

@@tahleasinparker3660If you pinch yourself in such a moment, do you feel any pain?

[@GB-vk4ni]

I am disassociating watching this video I keep having to rewind.. I just want to understand myself

[@Drewcooks24]

I've been dealing disassociation most of my life. This video came at a perfect timing for me. Today I had a major trigger happen and I instantly started zoning out and I've been trying to explain the feeling go my wife

[@ToxicFruitSnack]

I feel this in night clubs, bars, empty spaces like parking lots or unknown structures etc it’s just weird and i don’t like it lmao

[@sadsnail4274]

I've been dissociating for most of my life, it's hard to really imagine anything else.

[@TeaCup1940]

How does that feel like? Do you remember things of your childhood or your past?

[@swavez23]

I've been struggling with this lately, and I had no idea what to call it except I'm in "la la Land" but now thanks to you I can tell my psychiatrist that I think it's dissociation. Thank you! ❤

[@maxhamlin636]

“you should duck out for a minute” Me: quack I was in my class and it was dead quiet...

[@Leo-kf2wd]

These comments are really helpful, so here's my experience! *Tw: detailed description of dissociation and breakdowns* For me my body feels numb when I dissociate. Also I'm not sure if this is something completely separate but sometimes (it's getting more frequent, unfortunately) I'll feel like an entirely different person with an entirely different, or no, personality and it's REAL inconvenient sjsj. Also I'll feel like I just left my brain in the other room sjsj or like I'm just entirely out of it and am not real, sometimes my sense of size (how small my hand is, how big that house is) gets wack. A general feeling of reality being distorted. Also I've been getting these ~super fun~ breakdowns or shutdowns where I sit in the upright fetal position and stare into space while everything in my brain feels numb, dead, or plain gone. By body will move (shaking, rocking, head shaking) but it's like I'm not doing it at all. These last about 40 minutes to 2 hours (that was the longest I've had). So uhh yeah I really gotta talk to my mom about getting some therapy lol hope my over sharing helped

[@breakfastbear239]

Im going through the same exact thing rn and I feel like I'm losing my mind. I dont know how to explain this to my therapist. If you figured out what was happening and feel comfortable sharing, please do.

[@maddys6369]

for me it kinda feels like i’m tiny and everyone else is like huge and i’m dodging everyone. then when i find something to bring me back to reality, like a locker (this happens a lot at school) i’ll realize i’m not dreaming. i’m just a kid :(

[@hiraethsystem3001]

I was diagnosed with DPDR (although I'm not sure if I still have it or not) and I've recently realized that dissociating is a lot more of a problem in my life than I thought. When watching TV or KZbin or reading books, I will get so engrossed in the story that my brain goes into a dissociative haze and makes it hard for me to interact with the real world or remember my own life as opposed to the life of whatever character I'm reading/watching. And that's not even counting the times when I get triggered and dissociate. So, gotta talk to my therapist about that :/ Really thought I might be getting better with the dissociation but nope.

[@brittanystrebeck993]

Is. Is that not how everyone feels with stories? Also, do you physically feel things/emotions happening to the characters?

[@gwenpomare5093]

Thank you so much for clarifying this for me, I heard this word for the first time today, It’s my granddaughter that has been going through this for a lifetime for her, she is only 12 and it finally was explained to me today, I just kept referring to it as Zoning out, when she found herself in unsafe circumstances. Thank you so much for this, I feel I understand her even more as I have been trying to get her help for years. I have medical help in place for her, and I will continue to help her be all she can be.

[@bellella_6926]

I lose time too. I have chunks of time where I can't remember where I've been or what I've been doing. It's frightening when I've found myself wandering around at 7pm in a different suburb, when the last thing I remember was leaving the grocery store at 1pm.

[@ToxicFruitSnack]

Oreo damn that’s scary

[@theclanplus1]

Yeah I have D.I.D. Was programmed to meet up with abusers at night, so sometimes I'll come to in a nightgown down the street and not know where I am for a little while. You're scared at first, and then angry you're there AGAIN. There's ways around it though. Service dogs can be trained to find home, or find your car for you. I've noticed a big issue with losing time is also not remembering roads very well.

[@naomimansour5436]

I’m not sure if I dissociate but sometimes I feel like I’m walking around in a dream. I’ll start saying a sentence but then say the wrong words that make no sense or I’ll just forget what I’m saying. And my vision gets blurry very easily, I can re focus them but then my eyes go automatically back to being blurry. Sometimes I walk around in school and forget what floor I am on (like on the stairs). And I feel like I am kinda in my own bubble and everyone is walking around me. Recently, time has been feeling irrelevant and I have to constantly remind myself what time it is (numbers) and what time of the day it is. I don’t really think my therapist knows but that’s because I haven’t figured out how to describe it. How do I describe this?

[@swavez23]

Naomi Mansour I'm in the same boat. You could just explain it like you did here 😊 that's what I'm gonna do.

[@rosalieslater2947]

Same !!

[@blushfaerie]

I sometimes feel like im talking but im not aware of what im saying and when im done talking I have no recollection of wtf I even said or if it made sense. It scares me because it doesnt even feel like im in control, it feels like I checked out and my actual body was doing what it was used to doing while im in a corner in my mind kind of lounging... its really stressful and nothing makes it better. I just wake up with it gone or wake up with the feeling there..

[@somebodyyouknow5813]

that vision blurry thing happens to me as well and i don't know how to describe it

[@lizzjaxn4926]

Thank you so much for sharing! It helps a ton to hear someone explain what you’re feeling! I recently started accepting this term, after a car crash happened, I disassociated while driving and ended up crashing, I don’t remember a thing! Even the sound on of the impact is a blur, I didn’t really feel either. It was terrifying. But that definitely confirmed those feelings i though it was “day dreaming” . Do ever feel like you disassociate while driving ? It’s really a huge struggle for me!

[@dainabrewer1779]

Mine can be like everything is covered in fog, sometimes I just space out like I just stare off at nothing and I am not there, just frozen unresponsive

[@Vyn_REALITY]

i cant remember a time that i haven’t been dissociated , there are times like once every 6 months that i snap out of it and i get a jolt like “oh shit everything’s real ?” and i get creeped out by myself but i’m used to it. it feels like i’m in a cloud , there’s a pressure behind my eyes and everything is a blur , i get amnesia all the time and it freaks me out sometimes but it hasn’t harmed me yet 😂

[@catflower2018]

I have the pressure behind my eyes too and bad memory & fogginess

[@TeaCup1940]

When you are in a dissociative state, are you able to hold a conversation? Do experience any feelings? Or does everything feel numb? How do you remember to do chores at home or at work?

[@DabiToyaTodoroki1]

im sharing this my grandmother traumatized me my entire life and iv been trying to explain it all to family in the most informative way about how she has cause me to feel thru my life

[@rayy__7630]

My grandmother was awful to me and my siblings and traumatized me, ruined my life. It’s great to know I’m not alone in this boat, and you’re not alone either.

[@DabiToyaTodoroki1]

@@rayy__7630 iv actualy taken steps forward with a investigator to see if she can be held responsible for my mothers suicide i even got a few to listen and im getting a copy of my moms death cirt sent to me

[@rayy__7630]

@@DabiToyaTodoroki1 that’s great, you keep going and keep pushing for action. I’m completely powerless and unable to do anything to legally punish mine for what she did but I’m glad you are.

[@DabiToyaTodoroki1]

@@rayy__7630 thanks and after all is completely done im thinking i might make a vid to share my story

[@iamyvonnee]

I’ve been binging on your videos recently. I was doing EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) therapy with flashing lights and vibrations. Pretty much forcing you into detestation but in a controlled environment with a licensed mental health counselor. But, in a healthy way so you can try to reevaluate situations that cause anxiety and PTSD. My first few sessions were absolutely terrifying. I actually ended up stopping for a while. But we kept going back to smaller, not as intense traumas and it’s helped a little bit so far. I still have my triggers multiple times a day and freak out, but I’m more in control in the sense that I can remove myself and try to be in a quiet place to (what I call) reboot myself. It can take minutes to hours. But I’m able to try now. It’s so hard though. It’s a lot to talk about publicly but I’d love to discuss things like this with you more if you’d like!

[@naomistein6621]

Oh, I love Molly, she's amazing! And so are you btw, for making this. I suffer from similar things. Especially depersonalization and feeling detached from my body sometimes. Grounding helps. I thought of getting a service dog, but it's expensive and complicated where I live.

[@RushtheFort]

This video couldn't have come at a better time, I was just researching more into dissociation yesterday. For me it feels like my brain is completely static and my whole body is numb, and it FEELS like tunnel-vision, but not exactly? It's as if my body has shut down everything but what it needs to get through the day, and I only exist in my thoughts. The worst part is when the brain decides to let the body go on autopilot in order to play flashbacks over and over.

[@matthewdhewlett]

I have DPDR as a result of C-PTSD. I have had several pretty severe episodes, especially over the last year. When I'm not in a distinctive episode, I seem to be in a very mild constant state of it as my baseline. I do not remember "normal" and I doubt I would ever recognize it as such. In my severe episodes, I feel like my mind is being ripped apart on the inside. Think about the scene in Doctor Strange when the Ancient One knocks Stephen into the astral realm, but imagine if Eli Roth directed it. I scream at myself on the inside, and I don't know which one, if either, is the real me. My nightmares resemble daily life and my daily life resembles my nightmares and I can't tell them apart. Time goes wonky, like I'm slow in a fast world or fast in a slow world. I feel like I am an actor wearing myself as a costume and playing a character of myself on stage, and I don't know my lines and haven't rehearsed. I feel like I'm playing a first-person video game of myself and the controller is lagging. I have extreme déja vu and jamais vu. I will forget the beginning of a sentence by the time I finish it, and will repeat words and phrases out loud to the confusion of others. I will cook dinner twice and get angry at the food itself when I see the first dinner taking up the space where the second needs to go.

[@simanthajones]

This landed. Feeling like an actor wearing myself as a costume.

[@annewelch2134]

Wow... I've just seen my teenage years (especially) flash before my eyes! You've made me realise how much of my life has been lived with depersonalisation. (I only knew I felt "out of it" and was always "watching" myself like an outsider) Scary... I really appreciate your attempt to explain it all. Such a disconnected way to live. Quite surreal. Definitely possible to recover though.

[@TeriAnderson]

I really want to thank you for this video. I have C-PTSD and it wasn’t until recently I realized the overwhelming things that have happened in my life have put me in a dissociative state where I just run. I feel like I have nails clawing my back and it’s not that I’m running from anyone except life had become too overwhelming and fleeing seemed my only option. I’ve never been in a dissociative state and realized it until afterward. No one seems to even try to understand when I attempt to explain what’s happened except my docs. I’ve done several videos on my PTSD, panic attacks, using tattoos as an alternative to self harm. I just turned 58. I admire you for being able to recognize this at a relatively young age. Thank you again and I wish you the best. 😊

[@lindsay2181]

Like you said I have had dissociation in childhood, I just didn't know what it was called back then. I just thought something was wrong with me and I was weird. As an adult now that I'm in therapy and was diagnosed with PTSD I learned about dissociation and derealization and depersonalization and it answers so many questions. I've had this as far back as I can remember which would be about 4 years old.

[@allisonmeows__]

It’s so good to find someone that goes through the same scary sensations and state of mind I do. Whenever I open up to people in my life they think I’m crazy. Thank you for letting me feel less alone :)

[@kennahdeee]

Thank you for this video! I didn’t even realize how much disassociation affects memory. My life makes so much more sense now!

[@mamabear8565]

It’s a very hard thing to describe. You did a great job! I think it’s kinda like the well known “fight or flight” defense mechanism. It’s a way for the mind to “flight” because you don’t have a choice but to be in that situation. It’s very scary. I always know when it’s happening. It’s never happened since I’ve been on my own other than in public. Had to go to Walmart today. Sensory overload from hell. I hate Walmart. Definitely subscribed. 💕

[@sadiedrake7771]

I was recently diagnosed with PTSD and dissociative disorder and nothing has explained how I feel better then this video. I've used this video to help my family, boyfriend and friends to understand so thank you!

[@cyborgpunkmonk]

Thanks for explaining this the way you did. I've spent most of my life dissociative, it's actually my comfort zone, but could never form words to describe the experience because no words felt right. All I could say was that it felt like I was dreaming. And sometimes like I was floating. Thankfully most of my dissociative experiences are happy and calming. I saw beauty in many things and would often drift off into thought. But when it's mixed with bad emotions or experiences, that's a different story. Feels like I'm in some action/horror film. Music usually helps me the most to keep positive, or adventure in more action or apocalyptic-like imaginary scenarios, but I can control it with the change of song if it gets uncomfortable. It's more difficult staying in good mindstates now that I'm an adult. I can't drift off and just observe the beauty in life as much. So I'm researching and looking for tips & methods to help me adjust. I would go to my doctor or get another psychiatrsit referral, but I need better words to describe these things first. Because they all just spend a few minutes and then say "it's just anxiety and depression". But I never feel depressed or anxious when in these states. I feel at peace. But it still does get in the way of being able to function properly and focus in society. I also notice my feelings of things not quite being real leads me to sometimes feel like consequences don't matter. Which obviously isn't good. Anyway. Thanks again for sharing this video. It helps.

[@nabii7118]

this is really comforting to hear someone say they experience this - im pretty sure ive experienced this a few times and it freaks me out so much when it happens. i thought it was panic attacks but after talking to people that experience panic attacks i''ve realised that its completely different and im trying to find answers haha

[@lindsayrose874]

Just found you and now I Looove you 😂 I seriously had to watch this 3x because I was dissociating so badly 😒 You are quite lovely though and I am now a subscriber 😊😊

[@beckers4765]

I do...I’m terrified, I often won’t remember anything and am told basically that I take on the role of the abuser and say and do horrible things. I’m terrified. I haven’t been to therapy in a long time because leaving my home or talking on the phone can make me panic but I’m starting it now with someone I hope has experience. Your videos are very helpful it’s great to see someone speak like they were talking to a friend (or themselves, I talk to myself a lot 🤷🏻‍♀️) your videos are a blessing so thanks for making them

[@willowmoon7173]

Thanks for this, I think I'm in it right now but Im not sure. It's comforting to listen to you as we're of similar ages( I think, I'm 25) and have similar traumas (I think lol) family and other stuff. Its just so reassuring and affirming to listen to someone that faces the same things and is cool af! Go you and thank you 😊🤘

[@rebeccablackburn1805]

Described it perfectly in my opinion! I feel crunchy too

[@RaeCarson]

I've been in therapy (and out but mostly in) for the past 30 years. I can't recall ever having been told this term. The phenomena you've described so well in this video are things that have affected me for years and years. Some symptoms more than others, of course. I appreciate your openness and sharing your personal experience so that those like me might learn more about our illnesses in our own time. I'll have to discuss this with my counsellor next week. You've got a new sub from me too. I'm intrigued to watch more vids of yours too. Keep up the good work! ~Rae =)

[@akehapkap6143]

I'm like, old. I've had dissociative periods on rare occasions that I recall, but the problem is that I don't remember a lot. Obviously from my early years. Problem is I can't recall it. Other people told me. It's not been so bad that I couldn't hold a job or take care of my family, but now I at least know why I got these weird holes in time. Thank you for sharing.

[@songcentral3110]

First of all, I love your makeup!! Also, I experience dissociation quite a bit these days. I actually don’t remember the time I felt fully present in my life. For the last several months, I’ve just felt extremely out of touch with reality and my own body that it actually scares me sometimes. I’ve never had a trauma before (at least that I know of). But my therapist and dietician said it was a result of starvation because I’m recovering from an eating disorder. But I’m not so sure because I’ve started to deal with this barely before I developed the ED (about 4 years ago). It’s just intensified in the last month or so... now it’s constant every single day. It scares me the most when I’m driving and I am not present enough to be a safe driver. I might not be attentive and it terrifies me.

[@fawnfrancis3404]

Omg! I feel like I just found my REAL family! I do wonder what a "Normy" would think about your explanation. But for me you're really spot on. I'm not getting the treatment I need. so I feel like I'm constantly getting worse if I'm not fighting my diagnosis then I might be having an alter that's finding out that we're sick for the first time one day and I'm starting to realize all this but I don't know what to do with it and I'm just becoming exhausted. As far as like talking and losing your memory or having to slow down I feel like I'm Dory from Finding Nemo quite often and it's getting worse I'll be in the middle of talking and all the sudden I have no idea what I'm talking about like blank and then tried to cover up with so and yeah anyway but it's frustrating to say the least. I'm so excited to find some people who understand. I believe that we are all heroes every minute of every day that we make the decision to keep fighting we are heroes. I'm glad to have found you thank you all.

[@lukasshelton3725]

I’m experience dissociative symptoms. I also used the car/passenger example with my therapist! Thanks for this video.

[@Galactic_hippie1111]

I’ve had dissociative episodes where I end up somewhere and I don’t know where I am, and catatonic episodes which is not good when I’m out doing things. I feel it as feeling blank, empty, gone, lost.

[@forkykitty1888]

Thank you for actually explaining something I have never been able to explain myself. I have struggled with C-PTSD for so many years I don't even know what it's like to be 'normal' anymore. I have never been able to fully describe dissociation. I usually auto pilot through most of my days and describing something that I cannot remember or put my finger on it was driving me mad!

[@finch4870]

I’m actually crying you just explained what I’ve been feeling for months what do I do now

[@reverendmothercheryl2276]

I know that this was published about two years ago, but it expresses a lot of the experiences that have happened to me over the years and has become part of my awareness since being diagnosed with DID a little over a year ago. I’m lucky that I have a spouse who understands and fills in the gaps.

[@mycotian]

Your explanation helped me bc (with the help of my therapist) i figured out that the amount of stuff ive forgotten from my past is way beyond a normal amount to forget, and she said it couldve been from trauma from a major event in my life, and then recently i kinda...'blanked' for around a good minute while driving in my neighborhood and crashed my car? into my garage door? and my therapist said dissociation could be the culprit for both these things...

[@andyway2101]

Normally i can dissociate around men/ loud noises and my vision starts to go like a camera that can't focus properly and my hearing starts to blur together and i just all in all lose my ability to think

[@UnknownUser-xp1dp]

Dissociation/depersonalisation/derealisation is different from psychosis. It is a detachment from reality, however the sufferer is aware of the detachment and can recognise that it is a symptom of anxiety as opposed to a reality. Those with psychosis, however, are unaware of their condition and conflate fact with fiction. They bring two separate realities, merge them into one, and in turn, find themselves unable to isolate one from the other. Good video!

[@brookedietzmann5572]

Holy shit. I have BPD and I think I’ve been doing this for years!!! Going to my doctor today and going to let her know. Everything you said, made 100% sense to me!

[@leen894]

I’m floored! You are amazing! Been looking for a video like this for years. Need the examples in a clear explanation.

[@patchtheservicebear5325]

I wrote an essay while I was in an episode...basically it was a recipe for disaster. I was immediately sent to a behavioral health center and had to get a letter in order to come back to school. It sucks and it’s so scary. Luckily I have Sophie❤️ she is so helpful. So are your videos :)

[@Sarah.Riedel]

I don't experience depersonalization much, but during periods of severe depression I get _very_ derealized. I was in lower Manhattan on 9/11 and I think the dissociation began around that period of time...I think because the situation _was_ actually so incredibly, incomprehensibly unreal. (I was eventually diagnosed with CPTSD, although not until many years later.) The feeling is kind of like the feeling I tend to experience in the "uncanny valley" - it's like a sickening, subconscious malaise. One of my most vivid memories...the first time I saw video footage of that day I was so taken aback that the noise of the whole thing was so loud because I distinctly recall thinking how strange it was that everything was so quiet.

[@luigispaghetti3125]

I had experienced this today with a very stressful experience that triggered a part of my ptsd, and this helped me figure out what my reaction to it was. I started to get super tired and my body basically went limp, I couldn't stop shaking and it felt like I was slipping into the back of my brain, like my actual self shrunk down while my body just said N O and my vision was Hell. Everything was sort of fading black and my line of vision felt like it could wrap all around my head.. it really scared me so this explanation of it really helped!! Tysm!!

[@teegeeah]

I have Complex PTSD, PTSD, Major Depressive Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. My wife sent me this clip and asked if I thought if I disassociate. I do have some of the same symptoms eg: poor memory, but I didn't seem to align with out of body type behaviour. I think that the medication mix that I am on has is a factor in my memory loss. Thank you for posting this thought provoking clip. I think that is very important to "test" all my behaviours so I am able to establish how I am going in my recovery. Interestingly, being covered with a blanket is something that does help even if it is unweighted. I am also considering a service dog to assist me with my CPTSD and PTSD. I am currently in hospital and a patient has one. The dog came and laid at my feet one evening and the patient asked me if I was feeling stressed as the dog does lie on people's fee when they are in distress. Very interesting and again very thought provoking.

[@evelynburke6821]

Omg thank you so much. I've been trying to find a good explanation of it for a long time now but never really found one!

[@faeryn3162]

You described it very well! For me personally, it’s like I’m dreaming. Everything is dull and blurry, and I can’t focus my eyes on anything. I can look down at my hands, and they don’t look real, kind of like Im looking through the eyes of another person. And sounds are kind of dull and echoey. I can try to touch my fingers or something, but it just feels numb. Then afterwards I don’t remember what happened while I was dissociating. Anyways, I’m glad I’m not the only one who experiences this.

[@luckythelucklesswolf1419]

I kinda learned that I (possibly) have dissociation about an hour ago after a deep talk with my mom and now everything feels more real and it's amazing, music sounded better and tea tasted better, I don't really know how to describe it but everything just felt way better than they used to. I would say depersonalization (I think that's how you spell it) felt for me like: I would see my body and think "is this really me? How I look?" And it got worse and mixed with derealization it felt like fantasy and reality were slowly switching places, everything felt fake and I hoped I would just wake up from this "dream" and be in a different body and world, I would daydream and it felt more real than reality. I don't really know what else to say so I'll leave it here.

[@sydneyedwards4488]

I sent this too friends who don't get it, and it has helped so much cuz I can't do words well, so thank you!! (Also, I'm sorry I comment on so much of your stuff😅)

[@whatsthestorymorningglory61]

It feels like not waking up properly. No matter how much I drink I feel dizzy and drowsy. When I turn my attention to sounds they are ten times louder than usual. I have cool tickling sensations on my back. I feel overwhelmed and disoriented. I have no connection to reality cause I‘m wrapped up in a spongelike, cloudlike thing that distances me from everything thats happening outside and inside.

[@featurecreeper6603]

I found out last year that I had a problem with dissociation most of my life. It doesn't really bother me most of the time, but then my therapist mentioned that it could easily get me trapped in toxic relationships: Because I have a harder time deciphering my own needs, I tend to put other people's needs first. I guess that gave me the motivation to fight this and focus on getting better. Thank you for this video!

[@GlitterEnby]

Oh man, so. much. dissociation. It isn't as bad as it used to be, but it makes it really hard to concentrate. I think one of the worst parts in realizing that I'm suddenly confused about doing something I've done a thousand times. Or there's these moments of shock were I realize all of the sudden, "Wait, this thing is real!" and I had no idea I was even thinking they weren't. Dissociation, though a typical response to trauma (disclaimer there) is enough to make a person feel crazy.

[@streamoflillies2345]

I used to have episodes of de-realization. It most often happened when I would be doing something that allowed for a certain amount of "autopilot' like walking to class. I lot of people in these comments talk about it happening when overstimulated, but it happened for me when I was under-stimulated. The best way I can describe it was that it felt was like I was playing a video game. The world would feel separate from me, like if I reached out to touch the signpost nearby I would hit a screen first. I haven't had any episodes (that I can remember) in a while though. I also was talking to a friend about it one time and she told me "that's not dissociation", I think because that's not how she experienced it herself. We weren't friends for much longer after that.....

[@lugomez8084]

Shit, I think this is what has been happeing to me for years and I had no idea

[@feliciawilson2756]

For me it's more, feeling like I'm walking on a cloud. Very disoriented causing me to trip and fall at times. There's this one time when my uncle asked me to give him a key and I gave him my lunch. I was that dissociated. Things feel dream like. Like when I'm crossing a road, I might accidentally be run over because I find it very hard to pay attention to my surroundings. It's hard to concentrate during class and I retain 0 at times and my spaced out expression causes me to be picked on and I don't even know what class it is. Once I had tunnel vision and the world lost its colour and I couldn't feel my fingers. I just sat there like a vegetable for a couple of hours until I came out but I was texting a friend during the whole time so I knew it happened for sure. The history says so.

[@dazdogs]

I am so glad I've got someone else to follow, I love the weighted blanket idea, I don't have one, desperately want one and instead I do a heavy eiderdown and throw rug and a snuggly soft blanket and for me, it's like if I get past what I call the point of no return, I have to keep getting where I need to go b4 I can come back, it's like I'm floating away on a train but it's not a 'whoo, I'm going' happy kinda thing, it's an 'oh man, again, are you kidding me?' thing, it used to be a 'whoa, what is this, why can't I just stop and go back' thing, I hope this makes sense, it's like I can see what's ahead and it's a huge problem and I can't get out of it until I at least get to the station and get off the train... it's hard to deal the quicker I switch and more frequently, if it's more than 3 times within say a 2 hr period of me not being around, I feel like I need a 3-4hr nap afterwards and sometimes after a session it's all I can do next, b4 I start my car and go hydrate with anything liquid, usually it's gotta be sweet though...

[@OffTheLineFox]

I wandered across your video and it made me laugh, not in a bad way. Just some of the ways you described things were spot on. You seem to approach many things like I do. Grasping onto the small positives and laughing at what we can along the way. I look forward to watching more of your videos.

[@emilyh8687]

After the traumatic experience(s) from my past relationship I felt like I was not me not myself and I felt crazy and did not know what it was or how to describe it to anyone without sounding crazy lol.. (I also remember experiencing this a few times when I was a kid, I would look in the mirror and feel this overwhelming fear and think for a second I didn’t know who I was) I smoked so much weed daily for years and felt completely dissociated from myself and it got a lot worse. I learned what it was and felt somewhat relieved that I wasn’t crazy or alone in this. I stopped smoking but I still experience not as strongly, unless I smoke weed or am in a stressful or triggering situation. A few months ago I got second hand high with some friends, we were playing a card game and I literally could not remember what was going on or what we were playing I went right back to that place I was in before and felt so scared but trapped.

[@SamirCCat]

I've never been through any type of trauma, however I dissociate with depersonalization and derealization a lot when my brain gets overstimulated. If I'm in a noisy environment, trying to be social despite my social anxiety, or just browsing too much and intensely at the computer at home! However, I've come to accept it and I'm not scared anymore. I'm grateful to get detached in social situations, I don't have to worry and have anxiety about talking to the people, because I'm not really there. My body just walks around down there like la-la, while I'm chilling back here in my mind. It's a relief. I've asked people and they can't tell I'm dissociated, so I don't have any fear for that. My dissociation comes from having too many bipolar episodes in combo with lots of medication changes, and that has damaged my brain a bit. Now when I've been better for the last 6-8 months it's decreasing and my brain's cognitive abilities have slightly improved. It can take more stimuli before it detaches. I wish people would not be scared of dissociation, it's a protective mechanism and a lot less scary if you just go with the flow and let everything happen. Allow yourself to lose control, when you relax the dissociation will go away sooner. But, we all dissociate differently and for different reasons. I never have memory loss for example. But try to not be scared! Be in safe environments and take care of yourself as well as you can!

[@tatatatia2422]

I had this today, I had to go around abusive relatives and they said some things that triggered my complex PTSD, so now it is the day before a final and I was supposed to study after said event ended around 3 but it is now 11 p.m. and I'm just a shell losing track of time. Hopefully it goes away by tomorrow.

[@dennisf.9222]

I've never experienced severe trauma, yet I still dissociate during/before/after social interactions (social anxiety/avoidant personality). I think sometimes little distressing experiences can stack up and cause your brain to wanting to avoid that stress.

[@hollywinslett7097]

Just found you, love you, love the channel, and I love your sarcasm LOL! I love it thank you.

[@xii-dollface-iix9644]

That car analogy tho. You described it so perfectly.

[@Day-hn5bs]

I never linked dissociation to why I cant navigate, but that makes so much sense. I hate going to new places because I cant think on the fly. I know my town pretty well yet I still miss turns when I shouldn't.

[@twihhn]

Currently I’m in a time period in my life that I’m questing if I have D.I.D or O.S.D.D so I’ll share this and see if people agree this is dissociation: For me it starts with me just looking away or fidgeting with something. I then slowly start to stare into the distance. My mind is blank, my feet always feel numb in a way and I do have the ability to talk but I feel like I can’t. Usually the only things that move are my hands which I feel. My vision always gradually gets blurry and then comes of the end of either me blinking furiously to wake up from that or my vision becomes clear again but I feel a wee bit tired/sleepy. I also come back feeling like someone else but still me so I have no idea what this is. This also happens when I have headaches or cry.

[@dianewhitlock1917]

I've had that happen many years ago after Trauma and my experience happened as I was driving, very scary!

[@breakingbacktogetherkylee2726]

I absolutely love your videos. I as well have PTSD, as a result of historical childhood trauma. I saw you are from Calgary, I am actually from just south of there- I have some ideas for a photo project, and I am wondering how you might feel about collaborating? PS did I tell you I think you seriously are so brave for doing this!

[@dilansimseker7068]

I'm jumping on a bit late, sorry! But, for me my memory started to go bad. And then a couple of days later, I woke up one morning and I felt not present. Like I was talking but it wasn't actually me talking. Kind of like I was like a robot and on autopilot. Now, I feel a bit better but still detached. I know this is my body and it is me talking etc but I don't feel like I am here. Also, my memory is literally shockingly bad now. It may be because I am not focusing because I don't feel present and am not paying attention 24/7. It is also hard for me to retrieve old memories and requires me to think really hard to remember them.

[@darioncooper4989]

When I Dissociate bad I ramble and talk very fast then snap back into it but I'm still talking and I come.to and I'm being watched by the people.im.talking to and it freaks me out just having their eyes on me while.coming to and not even knowing what was said or what I looked like during the Dissociation. Sometimes I'll be on my phone at night and my heart will race and I'll get light headed so I lay down and I usually look at my phone well I completely black out , like I know that I am somewhere but I feel.likd I don't exist. Sometimes I'll get a sick feelings and all a sudden super tired and can't stop yawning and wanna take a.nap and zone out then like a few minutes or half n hr later come back to fully energetic, and like different

[@quazymodo3648]

Yes i do this!!

[@filmic1]

My head just feels like it's been smacked by something, without the pain, it's just a dazed numbness and I'll just stand and stare into nothing. At home I get away from it by going to sleep. Can't socialize.

[@ladyjoy3484]

Yeah that's how it feels for me. I tend to zone completely out and not even hear what's going on around me at times. Or if I'm talking it's like my mind can't come up with the words or I veer off into thinking of something else. It happens when other people are talking to me too and I have to ask them to repeat certain things. I've had the outer body experiences where I just felt numb and couldn't express any emotion in my body and that was around the time I found out my mother had 3 months to live. That was 12 years ago but I've been dissociating since I was about 4. Most times it's just really foggy and I will notice because one day all of a sudden I'm just aware of everything of how I feel, the wind on my face. When I was little I zone out for hours and at a times whole days, rocking, in my head.

[@ladyjoy3484]

Sorry if this makes no sense by the way.

[@itsv1p3r]

i would zone out in class for very long periods of time and often times even when i snapped out of it i would feel like i was in a dream state for hours and sometimes days. it honestly feels like you have a head high, your mind is just on autopilot. i will find myself watching a movie one night and the next night knowing i watched the movie but now having any memory of the actual movie. i don't really know why this is the case i cant experience reality in a normal way at all anymore, i haven't felt in my own mind in so long :(((

[@ToonzThatAreKrazy]

You did great explaining this. I needed someone to tell me what I was feeling was real

[@rosedionne5003]

I'm concerned cause my Dissociation never goes away it's like my mind thinks everything is a threat .. and for me it feels like either I'm in a dream or like my life is a flash back after death and I'm re living it . Found out that I had it after I saw a psychologist and got an assessment done and it's all from years of childhood trauma and I never came out of the dissociated state . And continue to have it , and the anxiety and depression are 100%there as well .. and the smallest things can trigger me .

[@ninayee6361]

The analogy about the passengers seat is exactly what I used to describe it. The memory thing is also awful. Im a music student in college and there is so much pressure to perform. I remember there was a time period of 3 entire weeks were I could hardly remember anything and I couldn't practice my instrument because I was zoning out. I could have been zoning out for a minute, or 10 minutes, or zoning out for the vast majority of an hour. This was really rough trying to be able to do well and perform my best and feeling like I lost several weeks of practice and my life.

[@sp5457]

Earlier it used to happen to me even without me knowing.. it went without me noticing.. but now that I know what I go through i have realized that its difficult for me to actually control.. I dissociate during meetings, while speaking to someone, while watching a movie.. damn.. this is difficult..

[@lindabarrios180]

I believe I suffered with dissociation for 5 years. It was complete hell. I felt like i was on auto pilot for 5 years, the whole entire time was terrified.

[@Violinchick2.0]

Wow you explained that incredibly well.

[@wayward_clique9309]

(rambling warning) the wait times for mental health services is about 175 days where I live so I can't see anyone but I've been having similar feelings, I have the feeling of not being real or the sudden crushing feeling of "i'm a real person, people can see me," but also a kind of feeling of "am I real?". I often have a feeling of vertigo related to it. I often rub my collar bones without realizing. it only really happens in public or when i'm not actively talking for a period of time. it almost if not always leads to the worst panic attacks of my life with the feeling i'm going to faint.

[@marq6929]

Well described and thanks for the note on what service dogs can help with, because I've been researching exactly that and now I have a key phrase to help!

[@hopeless9975]

I just recently realised that I do this sometimes. Maybe not often enough to seem like a problem but it bothers me a lot because I just don't understand what is going on. One way to describe how I feels is that I'm underwater and everything else is just grey and it all blends away. Sometimes I peak out of the water but a new wave drags me back under. I never understood what was it or how to call it so during highschool I used to say that I was just stuck in a loop. And it could go on for just hours, days or as most recently for months. I only realise that I "went missing" once I'm back. Usually I feel lucid and it's like snapping out of a dream and I feel disoriented and I want to catch up with what I missed. I can't go to therapy so I can only rely on KZbin videos of professionals or just regular people experiencing same things. Recently I could finally tell my parents about this all mental health problem (my dad is a doctor and my mom is a stay at home mom but she has a PhD in psychology even if she had never worked as a psychologist) and they both agreed that I have depression and it's probably caused by some sort of PTSD. I also suffer a lot of insomnia. I don't understand what is this state of autopilot bc I go underwater and I can't tell which one is the direct cause. I'm just guessing that I dissociate but I don't really know. If someone reads entirely this comment can you please give me some advice? I feel lost..

[@nathan4478910]

I honestly feel like I’ve been dealing with depersonalization. For some reason it gives me really bad anxiety when I’m out in public or around a large group of people. It’s like my mind goes blank and then i have a difficult time communicating because I can’t come up with a clear reply and really have to think about it. It’s so frustrating. As a kid I was able to communicate perfectly fine but after high school is when I started to notice. Now I choose to lock myself in my room and be alone because simple communication can be a hassle sometimes. It really sucks it just feels like there is never anything going on in my head