What Grief Has Taught Me About Empathy and Supporting Others | Andie Huff | TEDxYouth@Conejo

[@brittc8836]

"You can't fix me, but you can hold my hand while I fix myself" This is exactly what grieving people need...just someone to hold their hand through these waves.

[@2ndflash]

As I read somewhere during my grief journey, "What I have learned in getting over this is an understanding that you never get over this." May God bless each and every one of you suffering through loss. My wife passed away a year ago. Each day brings reminders and unrelenting waves of sorrow. Thank you for helping people realize just how important empathy is in reaching out to those in need.

[@hazwani730]

"You can't fix me,but you can hold my hand while i fix myself"

[@marychiquita123]

Heartless People say heartless things....😥 And they make it harder, instead of better for the grieving Person 💔

[@ItisMoody]

I'm watching grief videos while my mom is in the ICU. I flew from Canada where I live to Jordan where my mom is, I had been with her just 4 months prior, my brother was with her a week prior, she was totally fine. Now we're watching her die and there's nothing we can do, and it's so difficult. I'm watching these videos to make sense of my feelings. If you haven't experienced grief, know one thing about it: its process makes NO sense, but as a full puzzle picture it makes perfect sense. It does come in waves that sometimes don't even add up logically. And yes, Andie is right: we need hugs; big, warm hugs, and we need people to ask us how we're feeling and actually mean it, and not try to comfort us using a barrage of words without truly knowing what we're going through. Thank you.

[@The1morningstar]

The one thing I learned about grieving is that people can be so heartless. Sadly I have been bombarded with the darnedest questions and comments. For that now I'm choosing to be as distant as I can from a lot of people. I lost my husband 50 days ago and I'm completely broken, I just pray everyday when I wake up that I have the strength to make it through the day.

[@michelerabbetts8811]

My husband died 2 1/2 mo ago and I gave no family and people are not there to support me I’m so scared

[@The1morningstar]

@@michelerabbetts8811 where are you? I also don't have family here, I'm alone with my five year old daughter.

[@The1morningstar]

@@michelerabbetts8811 I'm so sorry for your loss.

[@michelerabbetts8811]

@@The1morningstar ny

[@The1morningstar]

@@michelerabbetts8811 I'm in NY. Brooklyn

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

I hate it when people tell us we are strong! And then they leave! When I lost my son everyone just looked at me with pity. We don’t need pity, we deserve understanding! Let’s teach people how to support the grieving!

[@michelerabbetts8811]

its true ive been told im strong and then no one wants to help with even conversation

[@dawnwoods3368]

This is so true. No one wants to listen to your story, they just talk about their losses. People will say please call me and they never have time to reply. No one says I am here for you let's talk. Most of the time you are on your own.

[@revn9203]

I share this experience too. People have no time to care with compassion, don’t have time to actively listen and help provide solace just by listening. They rather stay away, stop communicating or become judgmental and give advice on what they think I should do and feel.

[@thuha4205]

I lost my 12 years old son 2 weeks ago. I know how you feel because i’m feeling the same. Sometimes all we need is just a hug. We can’t move on but we can move forward with grief. Live a meaningful life, make them proud of us, I think that’s what we need to do.

[@philaman1972]

"Grief doesn't have an expiration date" --- but people do. That is the price we pay to love and be loved and is ultimately the cruelest bargain of life.

[@hankpatel5531]

i lost my mom a week ago and i have to say this is beautiful

[@MrMontonman]

This sums up loved ones up hill battle through loss and the loneliness that goes with that battle. You are an inspiration.thank you.

[@kerrymartin8927]

Very well said!!! Thank you so much for these amazing insights. I lost my son almost 2 years ago, and experienced much of what you said. I pray comfort for you and your entire family. Be kind to yourself and your dad. May you find positive help and love surrounding you.

[@marywinter8216]

@Chris Johnson ❤️ You are a kind and generous person to reach out like that. I believe your wife would be proud of you . I suddenly lost my 38-year-old son in 2019... and I am trying to live a life that would make him proud of me. I feel very alone.

[@stevenh83]

Thank you for this video greif is so hard and never goes away we will always who we no longer have people do not realize all they need is that support from someone take the time to genuinely care how you feel. I feel we just need to listen and empathize. Well said!

[@Yoginiams]

Very well said. A big hug to you my sweet girl.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

I love that you feel empowered by your grief! I’m a hugger now too!

[@luckysol7486]

I STILL GRIEVE FOR MY EVER BELOVED BROTHER WHO WENT AHEAD OF ME LAST 2010 AGE CLOSE TO 40 YEARS OF AGE . THE WORSE PART.WAS HE URGENTLY WANTED TO TALK TO ME IN THE PHONE AND I SAID A FLAT " NO." , BECAUSE I WAS TOO BUSY 😭 AND I REGRET WHAT I DID FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE . IT'S 2019 , I STILL GRIEVE . I CHOOSE TO DO WHAT I CAN TO DISTRACT MY TORTURED MIND . I SUCCEEDED THIS , STILL DEEP DOWN , I AM DEEPLY HURT AND I SEE HIS SHY SMILE EVERYWHERE I GO AND HOW I HATE FOR SAYING NO TO MY EVER BELOVED BROTHER WHO SEEMED TO KNOW HIS TIME WAS UP AND WANTED TO TALK TO ME ONE MORE TIME . HE HAD AILMENT . HOW I WISH I COULD GO BACK AND CORRECT WHAT HAPPENED 😭

[@ouzturan]

you couldn't know at the moment of his phone call. you are not alone with this pain, be patient, be outside, be alive thats all you need. never forget the love you shared, not some incident at his last moment.

[@rharvey1110]

Wow - such a beautiful and deeply meaningful and honest talk. Thank you for sharing your story. I agree that real deep human connection is a magical power that can help us through our most profound suffering... with something like grace or peace. Nice job. And thank you.

[@jyotsanadang7203]

i relate to it badly. i lost my mom a month back and everyone said to be strong. and then they left

[@peternorthrup6274]

I will always remember the day I came home from work. My wife was sitting in the living room. She waited all day for me to come home from work. She then told me my brother hung himself. I was numb. Never do that to your family. Ever. It's the most selfish thing you can ever do. My family has never recovered. It killed my mom and dad. Please don't do that.

[@jenniferg.6741]

Condolences. There are no words to express when we have this type of loss. The way the death happens makes a huge difference. Everyone has their own unique situation. I did not get to say goodbye to her. Can't get over it

[@MugmaDays]

Thank You 🙏

[@nancyschaefer9748]

I understand

[@Listening4n0w]

Can relate 1,000,000,000%

[@sarahdukes8579]

Thank you

[@moizawajid3346]

Loved it

[@jaycharles3121]

I lost mom on Xmas 1972 I was just 10 yo, dad passed 4 mo later.

[@VladyslavKL]

🕊

[@lucymagee3654]

Yip.. people disappear after a few weeks. Men crack jokes mostly??? Friends say “I can’t imagine bla bla bla” & honestly everyone you know who hasn’t experienced this just doesn’t know how to deal with you! You embody their worst fears! The ONLY people who understand are people who have also lost a loved one.. just talk to these people and also get a grief counselor and join a grief support group. In California where I am leaving in a week thanfully to move back to Ireland I cannot tell you how many times I have been told to “have a good day!” Even by the mortuary!!! Why is there a need to be positive all the time?!? I don’t take any drugs or medication, I don’t smoke and I rarely drink.. but I know that I am in one of the most heavily medicated countries in the world! People numb their pain here ALL the time! I don’t! But yet I am the one being told to have a great day?? Are the people saying this even happy?! It’s so annoying!!!!! The whole thing is very isolating, it’s as if it’s a test that God wants us to walk alone. My solution: find your joy and passion and love in life! Mine is art and I thank God that I am an artist every day of my life! It is my tether to this life, my sanctuary, my reason to be, my everything! Noone can take this away from me. Find that for yourself lovely girl.. find your true talent and do that. I am sending you a big cuddly way too long hug 💖 I understand how you feel and I will hold your hand 🙏🏻 thank you for your wonderful talk xox

[@temp-6262]

Hi

[@Grogster2007]

Don't be so self pitying.....even if people don't know what to say, or plain say the wrong thing, it doesn't matter. They reached out to you that's what matters. You are young you will learn that you have to deal with things yourself and take personal responsibility. Everybody has felt pain and the source of it hardly matters so the 'you don't understand because you haven't experienced exactly what I've been through' doesn't wash. We will all go through this. The young don't have a monopoly on feeling things deeply.

[@chantalgreen9035]

This is not self pity it is grief

[@revn9203]

Grief is personal and every person experiences it differently. There are so many aspects to grief and so many factors that affect its intensity. Sudden loss, young age at death, pain and suffering, regret, guilt. Some go through grief without too much difficulty, others may suffer intensely. And for those who are suffering, it is only compassionate to reach out and offer continued support. This young lady gives good advice and she seems to be managing quite well. I didn’t see it as self pity.

[@Grogster2007]

@@revn9203 it's not something the self pity...ots the 'I'm special' and if I don't like what I hear im going to be hyper critical of people even though their intentions are good

[@mostlyvoid.partiallystars]

Yike. You sound like you are in pain and in need yourself. I’m sorry.