What Happens When You Date Lower Than Your Status | Jordan Peterson

What Happens When You Date Lower Than Your Status | Jordan Peterson
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[@snookums999]

I met my husband when he was 278lb. He was 26 with no concrete career goals. I was size 2, very fit, finishing my undergrad and was offered a position at the internship. When we met we instantly felt the great pull towards each other. I can't rationally explain it. It wasn't lust for sure. Yet when his eyes met mine I didn't wanted any others eyes looking at me. We have been married now for 16 years with 2 beautiful boys. He is now 200lb and he is an associate vp in the same company that I work in. Building together and making each other the best versions of ourselves was and is everything. Seeing him evolv and being there for that makes me love him and adore him so much more.

[@yta23xp]

💜

[@dgkryptok4361]

Sounds like your gamble paid off cause it easily could have gone the other way an just cause you were a size 2 doesn’t mean you were attractive but i will agree that us big dudes are the best lovers an ussaly very humble an love eating tha booty arghh

[@leapaz1983]

Nothing like building and evolving as a couple 💑

[@cavanaughh1490]

The anima is a wondrous thing. Often men will rise because of it. I’m glad you two are happy.

[@goldstein10493]

If it wasn't lust for him, I'm afraid that it will be lust for another man. See, this is why I'm skeptical about my own self worth, hence why I've been single for so long. There will always be better men out there.

[@melaniel7263]

My childhood best friend was an absolute stunner. She was a typical sun kissed Aussie beauty ~ golden tan, tall, slim, blonde hair and blue eyes. I on the other hand would be a solid 5 on a great day. I had no problems with boyfriends and yet she struggled immensely and could never figure out why (nor could I especially as her personality was the sweetest). She used to get so upset that her single mother scored more dates than her! One day, she met a guy who was very average in the looks department but they fell madly in love. They’re still together and married with children. At some point, she spoke to some male acquaintances who acknowledged that most guys were simply too afraid to approach her because they thought she was way out of their league. Honestly, I could see how they could’ve come to that conclusion but it personally made me see myself as obviously being viewed as the ‘easy’ ‘too desperate to say no’ type (although neither was particularly true) to the general male population, which completely screwed up my self esteem. I guess there’s pros and cons to everything after all…

[@Wingedmagician]

Sometimes I see a girl whos attractive but not “too attractive” so I feel the impulse to try and talk to her. Then I realize that’s kind of insulting to her so I freeze and overanalyze my own psychology and morality and end up talking to no one. Lol I should be able to express myself to everyone not just who I think is in my league or “below me” again I hate that my brain does this that I even think in these terms but I’m just saying how it is.

[@foggyfrogy]

Any kind of selection is insulting to people if you really think about it and you yourself probably participate in it, like we all do. I wouldn't break my head because of it. If you got a lot of dates you can see it, as negative -> I was easy. or you can see it as positive -> Guys are comfortable around me. It depends on what you fixate.

[@achatwithgoitse]

No1 viewed you as the 'too desperate to say no'. They could just easily relate to you as another human being and thats a good thing. That you just spoke the same language as them thats all. ❤❤❤

[@melaniel7263]

@@achatwithgoitse I love that! Thank you ♥️

[@lmiller1413]

Or a woman or man enjoys being single for so long he/she waits to get married. By the time he/she is ready, the good women/men are already picked over. It's like buying shorts in late August in the North. Yes. It's depressing. A "low score" person isn't just about looks, but also about how people live their lives, how they treat others, how well they maintain their house. Squalor is disgusting.... physical looks are nothing.

[@frenchie_at_heart7387]

For anyone that may be “less attractive,” I just want to say that what Peterson doesn’t mention is how personality affects attractiveness. I have seen an 8 drop to a 2 in my eyes because of a horrible personality. Physical appearance is only PART of attraction. I dated a 6 but was so proud to be with him because he had the personality of a 10. And, I usually refrain from putting numbers on people, I’m only doing so because Jordan Peterson referenced numbers a lot.

[@ClaireCraig]

totally agree

[@dinos9607]

Numbers are of course an aid to know what we are talking, they are an abstract concept. The terms alpha male and beta male are also abstracts that aid us in pinpointing what we are talking about. In reality alpha-beta is a behavioural continuum while the 1-10 scale is also a descriptive device. Said this, for men when evaluating women it makes a lot of sense precisely because men, of all ages, all cultures tend to statistically categorise female attractiveness at 90%-95% because of her looks and only the rest 5%-10% for her whatever other merits. When we speak of attractiveness we always refer to sexual attractiveness. Marriage/LTR is something different and men there have other standards, foremost virginity or at least a low past lovers' count. It is rather when it comes to women to rate the attractiveness of men where things are more blurred as women indeed categorise more than 80% of men as "below average" which of course is absurd in mathematical terms but not at all seen from the point of view of female hypergamy. Women too rate high the physical appearance, it is just that they give more importance to height than face. For younger ages up to 22 appearance is 80% and "personality" (= mostly related to how social and socially-adept the young man is) 20% while as ages progress above 22, appearance drops to 50% or below and "personality" rises up, this time having mainly to do with finances and societal position. THIS is why women can't pinpoint if a man is attractive enough unless they have the overall background of him. There are experiments where the same men were shown to successive groups of women in alternating settings with expensive or cheap cars (supposedly their own) or in expensive or cheap houses (supposedly their own) and they were rated by women with discrepancies of more than 2 marks out of 10 which is enormous. At the same experiments the men rated the women in alternating environments with a discrepancy so small it did not matter really : men will just look at the female beauty, not how rich or poor she is. Men have grown wiser to know what women mean by "personality", i.e. the man who can open up the most expensive champagne in the up-market restaurant to grant the good mood to the company. I suggest you check "The Tinder Swindler" to get just one bright example of that. Not to mention female attraction to sociopathy. It is an endemic female illness the attraction to the sociopathic minority among men. Kind of sad as well, but one should not feel pity once the women do the chosing, not the men.

[@frenchie_at_heart7387]

@@dinos9607 My reference to "personality" has nothing to do with the ability to "open up the most expensive champagne." I was speaking of a person's morals, their views on the world, their confidence, their emotional intelligence.

[@Just_a_Lad]

I have seen not just once or twice that horrible personality was ignored, because the men was a tall macho.

[@m.k.8352]

Not to forget the ppl., who are very attractive till their 30ies and are then later overblown. And what is with educational level, intelligence, health? The measurement of JP is far too simple.

[@honeyball6741]

Beauty captures attention but Personality captures the heart.

[@ng429]

completely agree. no one gives me a chance to show my personality because I'm nothing to look at

[@Mourningdove8784]

We are all valuable!! Young and old...diferrent skin ton...It does not matter..God created you in His image meaning ..two eyes two arms and so on...but the most valuable is your soul your spirit inside of you...it is so valuable more than this world can offers...You were created with a purpose in His mind....to love Him and love others as you love yourself....in that order..do not forget to love yourself You have a gift inside of you...maybe you did not notice it yet but you have it..we all do have it...We need take notice of that special gift. Remember you are beautiful. Make things right with God our Creator and Creator of the Universe...His name is Jehovah.His Son Jesus and His Holy Spirit. He is our only Hope for everything in this life and eternity. God bless you ...with wisdom and revelation of His presence. Love you neighbor.

[@roxiefransway-greening7909]

A smile and sense of humor can really make a difference.

[@Relayzy1]

Change personality too money and your right...

[@Wingedmagician]

@@Mourningdove8784 we’re all valuable to God. not necessarily to the world and each other. The worlds approval is conditional, not bad or good just is what it is ✌️

[@denisesauer7287]

Successful people don't become that way overnight. What most people see at a glance wealth, a great career, purpose is the result of hard work and hustle over time. I pray that anyone who reads this will be successful in life

[@tinawanda741]

You are right, to be a successful person in life requires hard work, being focus and committed

[@mariluguerra8139]

@Emilia Shelby I would advice cryptocurrency, On my own side it's been very profitable using my tactics, I call crypto the future

[@santiagojuan3195]

I totally agree with you it has been an eye-opening experience for a lot of people.

[@pauloluiz4082]

Investment is the key to achieving success with the current pandemic slowing down so many businesses

[@anthonypompliano8120]

Talking about investment and being successful, I can categorize myself as one since my investment has been going well with the help of Mrs Grace Anthony who has been handling my trades

[@alifewithluna4134]

All I know is my husband isn’t what a person would consider to be handsome; but he has a heart of gold, he’s noble and just and wise. Disciplined and determined and doesn’t know what it means to give up. All I see is a 100 on his worst days. It’s been like that from the very beginning. His personality blew me out of the water and I knew I was done for 10 minutes into our first conversation. I am so deeply attracted to my spouse I haven’t even recognized the opposite sex in ages- nearly 15 years (basically as long as we’ve been together lol). I can’t imagine it changing. I feel like I’m a lucky one.

[@AlexandraVioletta]

My boyfriend and I are going to have our 7th anniversary in April 2022... I feel the same for him. You described it very beautifully. I'm still in love with my bf and my whole body is still tickling when I look into his eyes. It's like on our first day. I know he's my Mr. Right.

[@AlexandraVioletta]

I wish you all the best. 😉

[@bostonjackson9384]

I would venture to say that it is your personality and attitude that make your relationship so good. I have seen situations where one person is as you describe your husband, while the other doesn't appreciate those qualities and turns the relationship to crap.

[@marz9676]

But I find this a common dynamic. Women being more complex, mature, and thoughtful in love, yet men NEVER return the favor. I see even the healthiest relationships as a normalized double standard in favor of men. Bad deal for women.

[@marz9676]

@Mary Morris This is all fine and good IF IT WAS MUTUAL. It isnt. I hear woman after woman share these thoughtful preferences. How does it make you feel that many, many women mature in depth and develop a complex ability to find attractiveness towards the less than ideal man, BUT these men dont even try to return this kindness. Men love this double standard to looks and age gaps that are skewed in their favor. Dont expect it in return. Male privilege and entitlement excuses them from ever veering outside of frat boy objectification and shallowness for even the most wonderful woman. Sometimes being nice is enabling really toxic behavior in already spoiled men

[@higherpowerlifting5065]

I went through a phase where I lowered my standards on dating apps just to be able to hookup with women almost on demand. It wasn't good. I had a realization that there's no way to be intimate with someone without it affecting you in all sorts of unintended ways. Now I'm willing to be patient and go through a lot more effort to be with women I actually want to be with. There's no cheating the system. Dating sucks, love is a crap shoot, and even if you luck out, then you have to figure out how to make it work long term.

[@Tommy-yo3dh]

I heart a good pig fk

[@supernova2897]

Well put! I'm curious, what were some of the unintended/ unexpected negatives?

[@melliegotsoul]

@@supernova2897 good question. i’m wondering too

[@jennyjones4875]

🧐

[@mhlengindlovu8450]

Thanks for sharing that bro. I don’t use dating apps but I did the same in real life. I got a lot of hook ups but I wasn’t happy with the women as I didn’t find them very attractive.

[@butn0tyet]

As a black woman, I was sure I’d have to marry a guy I wasn’t attracted to in order to have a productive family. There was also a strong possibility I’d need to go outside my race. I’m on some other shit and owned my own successful business by 26, another at 32 and so on. Somewhere I picked up that attractive black men are also awful people. When I met my smoke show husband, I decided to evaluate my assumptions and see what happens. Here is what I will say about this topic... If the two of you can realize that you can create whatever life you want and support one another, even if you don’t always agree, differences can be a blessing. He’s been my husband for a decade now and I am a lunatic. He never imagined someone like me would say yes to him. His character is impeccable. He’s an amazing father and he’s made an amazing sacrifice, home schooling our boys. I want them to be just like him in every way. I’d live in a box with this man. He’s a dream to look at. Raise your standards, we all want to have a happy life. Very little is needed to achieve this. High standards is the baseline. Invest in what makes you happy.

[@maxdirnfeld2233]

Thank you i somehow needed that

[@ARS-fn6px]

Beautiful, thank you for your comment, and wish you the best ✨🙏🏾😃

[@JuliaShalomJordan]

Amen. That’s so encouraging to so many.💞

[@dinos9607]

"High standards" from what you say sounds very vague. In female ears "high standards" means dating an 8-man when you are merely a 5-woman or dating a man 10 times richer than you when you are an 8-woman. The rest are trivial. Happy that it works for you this soccer-dad thingie, but reality is that in 9 couples out of 10 where the wife brings the main earnings in the family, the wife asks for divorce. Exceptions exist but men should stick out of losing situations where the probabilities of failure are as high as 90%.

[@josmclove4426]

""A dream to look at"" Meaning he is more handsome than God himself?Coz successful women only roll with super attractive "ordinary" dudes

[@christinagrinstead1123]

For me, 95% of a man's attractiveness is his personality. Give me a guy who is passionate about SOMETHING in his life ( not money ), who is disciplined enough to pursue it, and who is strong of spirit yet humble enough to share that strength with others, and BAM you're attractive. Regardless of looks, or where you stand on the social ladder, strive to become the most POTENT version of yourself and you'll have it made!

[@PecktheTownCrierVideos]

That's inspiring. Thank you.

[@vaevictis1697]

So... If he's passionate about money and he's good with it, and if can and does provide for the family you maybe got, he's not a good one? whats wrong with being passionate about money? plus if he's passionate about cars for example, working on them, or writing, he publishes stuff cause you know you gotta make money to be alive anyway, he is still making money off of it or whatever, to provide. I get your point, but its funny you say not money like thats wrong or like your childs or you yourself wont be pleased to benefit from the money

[@vaevictis1697]

like a get that you probably mean you want him to be there for you and your family, not to only care about money, but at the same time if he's passionate about another thing which most likely will become his business, theres again the posibility that he will care too much about it and not so much about your family and he still can make much money by it. I get that you wrote something different, but the fact that you said "not money" to me changes your other than that lovely comment

[@Fred-zt5ky]

So basically you're disqualifying any guy that works in finance? Doesn't sound like you have a great personality either lol

[@kevdeboss1]

w mindest

[@maximyles]

Just realised that I'm ashamed to be around certain family members. And this couldve have a strong impact on how I see myself.

[@jeannewilliamson7805]

How so ? How do you see yourself ?

[@starshine6321]

I'd love to know as well!

[@TT-sr4mu]

☝️

[@MayaMaya-lt7zf]

@@jeannewilliamson7805 feel the same and I agree as I've never taken anyone home to meet with my parents. Also true when it comes to how you see your self if you come from a toxic family. Questions is as an adult is that relevant for the partner and if so why?

[@Alexandra832]

I felt that all my life

[@aphroditeg2712]

Don't you know that a man being rich is like a woman being pretty?-Marilyn Monroe

[@waggawaggaful]

yeah, but she was famous, and famous means wealthy, which made her high status. there are beautiful porn stars and drug addicts who will always be low status no matter how sexually attractive they are, because they are poor. i'm sure some of the porn stars make pretty good money, but if they do not have the unique fame of a kardashian or marilyn, then they will not have the status or extreme wealth.

[@abeautifulcountry9353]

I remember that quote, she used it in Gentleman Prefer Blondes to justify being a goldigger. And the truth is her husband in the film would never have married a woman like her if he wasn't rich. That was her point.

[@laurabarber6697]

Yes if all you want is to trade sex for money.

[@reimixo]

@@waggawaggaful pornstars have 💰💰💰

[@robnelson6545]

@@laurabarber6697 it is what it is

[@alid0228]

I met my husband when I was fresh out of a toxic relationship and wanted to be ALONE. He perused me even though I insisted I did not want a relationship of any kind but platonic- we were working on music together. He's stubborn and knew what he wanted but he almost gave up because I kept turning him down. I was not physically attracted to him, not because he's not attractive but because he wasn't my "type" I wasn't attracted to him as I dated men who looked a lot different than him. He was shorter then I was used to, brown eyes and dark hair. Completely opposite of my exes. However we connected deeply on an emotional level. I was intrigued by his emotional intelligence and self awareness. The more I got to know him the more I couldn't help but want to be around him. He had no job and was pursuing a career in music. He didn't have a car in his name and lived with his mom. I fell in love with his mind and none of that mattered. I was a mom already from another relationship and that pushed him to succeed further and his life changed with the need to provide for us. He now runs his own business in marketing and makes content on tiktok and has almost a million followers. In the first year of us dating he bought a car, we bought a house two years later, we got engaged after a year, got married and we have a son now and he's the most attractive man I know. It's weird how things start out and how they can evolve.

[@covfefe_drumpfh]

Be careful babe! You’re on your way to be a _starter wife!!!_ Do some quick research about _starter wife._ He’s seeing he did all good when he was a nobody, then you came along to _build him up._ Now that he’s all built up, he may feel (either sooner or later, but it will most likely happen someday) that _he can do better,_ and dump you for a shiny new model. So you better get involved in your own hustles before he drop you for a new one.

[@alid0228]

@@covfefe_drumpfh There's so much more to our relationship I could never fit it all on here. His heart is beautiful. He is the most honest and integral man I've ever met. He amazes me every single day with how selflessly he loves me. I'm not worried at all. We connect on a deeper level than anyone we have ever met prior to eachother. Humans may not all be monogamous but I know myself and I'm programmed for monogamy. Can't believe it could only be me. There's many like me. We both don't want to ever be with anyone else. We were searching for eachother in everyone we met.

[@dguy117]

Big catch here that usually when men find a good partner/wife it’s a huge assister and motivator in achieving success. It pushes guys in all the right ways It’s totally worth pursuing the right one cuz it can literally change our lives lol Nature/God knew what they were doing when they put men and women together 💜

[@dguy117]

Big catch here that usually when men find a good partner/wife it’s a huge assister and motivator in achieving success. It pushes guys in all the right ways It’s totally worth pursuing the right one cuz it can literally change our lives lol Nature/God knew what they were doing when they put men and women together 💜

[@matth.3286]

A beautiful story Alisha, thank you for sharing. I find these real life stories uplifting. I am happy for you and hope that your love lasts a lifetime.

[@GuppyPal]

That last bit about your serotonin going down if you take a status hit is so interesting. I've seen it play out right in front of me with someone at work. For years this person was the office bully, and there was no one there to challenge her, and then someone new came in, stood up to her, put her in her place, outclassed her, etc, and she became depressed, anxious, even erratic, and far less social, and years later she was still down and a different person. She went from being a happy, smug bully to a depressed, insecure shadow dweller. It was really incredible to watch.

[@beingintrinsic]

Good story! Well, gotta appreciate that collapse of the mask and source of power - she likely meets her needs from a victim place whereas before a bully. The secure person was centred in their enoughness they didnt have to resort to dominance or submissive states to get their needs met.

[@AlxndrHQ]

The bully already had those underlying negative emotions. The more secure person just took away the bully’s false sense of security 💯

[@marciasloan534]

Did THE OFFICE FOLKS discuss Driving a stake thru her heart ?

[@ClaireCraig]

@@AlxndrHQ facts!

[@bottlewaddle6677]

that isn't new, trust me that was already there lurking beneath

[@FoalanAzrael]

My greatest sin was that I believed I was locked into my status for so long and was unaware of my own value. I allowed myself to be taken advantage of by people because of my own naivety and good will. I believed that I was only worth how people treated me.

[@mesopotamianprincess]

Exercise, take pride in your appearance and hygiene, be socialized, have purpose and goals that you set out for, and you cover the basis of finding a perfect match!

[@daianepiucco2441]

Indeed. I love myself and I take really good care of my physical and mental health. I had to break up from a 5 year relationship because the person didn’t do any of the things that would make him a better person. I was feeling lonely in my journey and I truly desired a partner that would aim towards the path I was in. Unfortunately, I waited too long and resentment kicked in. When I decided that enough was enough and the reasons why, I was accused of being controlling for wanting someone with the same health habits as me. I confess that made me think of myself as a horrible person who has no compassion and patience to help a partner to grow, but I guess 5 years was long enough. I got fed up.

[@TechWiz1983]

@@daianepiucco2441 Never start a relationship with someone if there is something you desire to change about them. Ever. Only start it if you can accept them exactly for who they are. Took me a lifetime to learn that. ✌🏻

[@Blake4625kHz]

I just vomited

[@Dan-cn2rj]

I prefer sweet honey to bitter truth but truth has more utility.

[@mandysimmons2769]

My husband went to high school with a tall awkward girl who got teased for being an "ugly giraffe" and being too pale and having dark hair when malibu blondes were in vogue. I think she wore pigtails and a retainer in her HS annual. It was lost on the other kids that she also had blue eyes under her thick glasses. I've run into her a few times ( she's back in town living in a mansion ) after spending 30 years in NYC and Paris and Milan as a fashion model. She still does that work when she wants to. And she's still pale it's better not to sun yourself if you're gonna be a model. That shows ya how stupid high school kids can be.

[@CarmenBelcher]

Being unique is what people find attractive in major cities. Being natural is what I find most attractive. The darker, the paler, the whatever that makes someone stand out for their own natural look is so cool to me

[@mandysimmons2769]

@@CarmenBelcher well that's very nice, I wish more people felt the same. In the late 70's there was lots of pressure to get suntans.

[@dancole2994]

I see it with intelligence too. You get called a teacher's pet or boffin or whatever for doing well. I mean, how stupid does one have to be for mocking a form of intelligence..

[@mandysimmons2769]

@@pennytrue2741 so True Penny! ( LOL ) I have been more or less of a very ignorable blob my whole life as far as men are concerned and I preferred that since I was super shy as a young person. I also never looking close to Pamela Anderson or anyone like that LOL. But over time, I grew into self confidence and became a productive business woman in spite of being so shy and not wanting to be looked at. Now thanks to "cougar moms" and MILFS movement young men try to talk to me sometimes like I'm going to "teach them" something. Inside I'm still the shy blob young girl that I was back then and I'm also Catholic married ( to the guy who went to HS with a super model and didnt notice her lol ) so I don't take the bait. Who knew a woman in her late 50's would suddenly be thought of as sexy ish? Ew. Lol

[@McLovin-ko3ff]

Sounds a bit like that episode from everybody hates Chris. How the turns have tabled my gs

[@l.rongardner2150]

When you're only interested in hot sex and meaningless relationships, then dating below your status makes sense.

[@jamierodriguez3554]

Someone of the same status wouldn't give you anything but heartache in the long run

[@MaryHernandez-jh2yo]

Yeah, pick on the less fortunate! What a high status person...

[@nemesis91101]

@@MaryHernandez-jh2yo it sounds like OP hit home with you in his comment.

[@nemesis91101]

Agreed. It's the reason you go after women who are 7s or less... for a more developed personality.

[@freshdumpling]

Amen to this

[@ayPersonality]

I had this happen to me. :) I loved my ex, but I also knew that a lot of people saw him as unattractive and a weirdo. People would humour themselves with the fact that we were dating, a thing I always got upset over. It was unfair, because he was a sweetheart. But I do recall feeling embarrassed at first when we dated. With the years it disappeared, but I think thats because I somehow settled in my mind. I dont see myself as higher in the status system anymore. :/ When we broke up, people always got surprised when they found out he was the one who broke it off. Almost like there had to be something wrong with me for being the one who was broken up with. So, I dont tell people about it anymore, because it does mess with my self esteem.

[@VanityDivined]

You probably have self esteem issues

[@richardm7181]

The right partner will make you... the wrong partner will break you.

[@daianepiucco2441]

You become resentful, especially if the person has little desire to move up. It happened to me. Before resentment kicks in I would say to everyone just be honest with yourself about what you really desire in a partner. Lesson learned.

[@fanichita]

I lost about 40 pounds in my early twenties and it was a real eye opener. Men who had never looked at me twice started to call and pursue me. It was really strange. I think I went from the bottom of the pool to the top. I remember one of my friends even got mad at me because a guy she previously had been interested in and which was not reciprocated was now interested in me.

[@dinos9607]

Female attraction is based at a rate of 90% on the pool. For good or for bad, it is what it is, and a woman should not be blaming men for being so superficial when it is biology that decides on such things, just like for the case of women dating up in the socio-financial hierarchy. So you losing 20 kilos in your early 20s was a present to yourself, you did it in the right age, before losing your value (your sexual market value I mean, not your value as a person). Women need to remember that their personal value is one thing, their sexual market value is another and the latter is at 90% dependent on their looks.

[@followmeintofitness5578]

Yes losing weight is such an eye opener…can be disheartening also. You’re only good enough to date/speak to if you’re slim (same thing happened to me)

[@dinos9607]

@@followmeintofitness5578 Wait a minute. Waiiiiittt a minute. You claimed that "you are good enough to date if you are slim". Oh really? Tons of fat men out there. I did not know that fat men are so strict in terms of female weight and they demand from the woman of their interest to be fit? LOL! It is what people say a Gotcha-moment! Just shows the amount of female entitlement and how the vast majority of men are invisible to female eyes. LOL! Listen I am not berating you here, it is just that I find it amusing how predictable is female nature. It is not just you, it is all fat women who are protesting at "men not looking at them" when in reality it is not men who do so but precisely themselves when they reject the 100% of fat men and about 80% of the rest of men to focus only in trying (in vain most of the times) attracting the eye of the few coveted men. Because that is what it is all about. Slim or fat, all women want the same few men. So next time you want to criticise men for having "such high standards"' first look at yourself. It is women, not men, who have the unrealistically high standards. Men, including even those highly sought after men, have particularly lax standards, they will sleep with anything that has no balls and a pole between legs. Men of a basic value and above, of course, will have only standards when it comes to LTRs/Marriage, that is all. And this is what is painful for women, they are not willing to abide by male standards, they want it all here and now and for free. Again, not scolding you for doing so. On the contrary, I congratulate you for having worked to improve yourself and lift you up. Not that many women do so. Love yourself and "sell it as best as you can do" but not on the "sexual market place", rather on the "relationship/marriage market place". There is a difference between these two. And men have different standards in these two.

[@goodintentions1302]

As a woman in my 70s I've received a lot more attention regarding my being slender from women than I ever have from men. Not positive attention. I've never greeted, or even thought to greet, another person with "You're so fat!" I'm sure that's rude. Yet entire groups of women have backed each other up when one or two of them greeted me with "You're so skinny!" Being even a few pounds from registering as overweight I've been called skinny. More than one (overweight) man has told me I need to gain weight when I was on the brink of overweight. I finally learned to distance myself from those people.

[@followmeintofitness5578]

@@dinos9607 not sure where all that came from I was just sharing my experience. I never criticized any man in my comment and I’m not selling myself lol I’ve been married 10 years. There is absolutely a hard line that if I’m over a certain number on the scale I’m treated completely differently regardless of if the man is big or not.

[@thomasholland6334]

The last 45 seconds reveals more wisdom than most day's of our lives.

[@aoconnor2933]

I could never wrap my head around this obsession of status. If they have a good heart and make you happy, who cares?

[@xixi3148]

Jordan Peterson cares. His grandchildren will yell "fleas" at your children, and bully them at school. Because Jordan Peterson finds this highly educational. And so the cycle continues.

[@alinebaruchi1936]

Peterson comes from American culture. This is something alien to me. I came from a Brazilian city. I live in here. I never asked anything about money, never changed a partner's appearance or anything. Never cared for cars, looks. All I asked was "be nice and I'll be there for you no matter what". I was raised this way.

[@matthewharbour6276]

Im so glad to hear you say that. I live in Dallas Texas and have always thought about it like you. Good to know there is a culture that puts treatment so high.

[@alinebaruchi1936]

@@matthewharbour6276 texas is very similar to us. But you know... more friendly.

[@alinebaruchi1936]

@@matthewharbour6276 I used to be nice. I became crazy white lady. Fascism does that to you. You become crazy white lady. I know guys that became the crazy white lady.

[@monie3558]

He’s Canadian

[@Blake4625kHz]

@@monie3558 😂

[@ainsmas361]

This is changed the way I look at my ‘standards’ For a while I thought my preferences had been skewed by media.

[@rubyparchment5523]

When you date lower, you become the Parent, the Know-it-all, or the Show-off. The other party ends up cheating on you with their own kind (or lower yet). Men say they want a real Lady, hate "drama," then accuse you of being "boring." He then meets someone at a gas station. She uses drugs, sleeps behind the 7-11, but she's EXCITING!!! This happened to me twice, back to back in the 90s.

[@AdamRogers]

you pick bad men

[@Agrillot6]

That explains a a lot! My ex husband was good looking but below my status. We had a great sex life but he would sext trailer trash type women.

[@roguewxves5534]

I never fully understood the 'too boring' mentality, honestly. As long as they're loyal and caring, what's wrong with being settled/comfortable with life? I guess people got ambitions and the like, but I don't see it as a negative, just a variation. Honestly rather have a 'boring' partner and live our lives quietly in peace than participate in the ol rat race

[@roguewxves5534]

@@i.b.640 yeah bro perhaps, it's sad to see.

[@charged.393]

To whoever may be reading this, just know you are on the right path for becoming successful. Take it one step at a time to reach your goals. Manifest your dream life, anything’s possible. ❤️ Charge your life

[@arturosanzmorale107]

manifest this, anifest htat. change your life.

[@Blake4625kHz]

Really? Awwthanks man, cuz I smoke crack and rob liquor stores..

[@peytonturnerrock]

It's how someone makes u feel. Chemistry and connection are game changers💯

[@Gaeisok]

But someone who is interesting/hot/rich/intelligent makes you feel so much better than someone who is not

[@chris432t6]

This is a wonderfull example of what a creative genius does when lighting that beautiful fire in the hearts of every open mind. One word...priceless!

[@capriodyssa]

I dated a guy in high school who made fun of a community college (I ended up going there, and broke up with him). Status with attitude was unattractive. But, let’s just conclude that arrogance never wins, but neither does poverty or sorry me mindset which someone of lower status may have.

[@theworldofideas8038]

yea we get it you're really picky aren't you my little princes. you know what you want.

[@thesanfranciscoseahorse473]

@@theworldofideas8038 "Really picky" and "baseline standards" are two different things.

[@bigneiltoo]

So you left a man with status to go on a student loan, paid by other men? Liberalism in a nutshell.

[@capriodyssa]

@@bigneiltoo no student loan, I paid my way through college and had zero student loan debt 3.5 years after graduating.

[@capriodyssa]

@William well to be honest and I think Jordy has gotten to this before, but it’s certainly “safer” especially historically for women to be with a person of status, so that might be why some choose status over personality (arrogance as our example). I can’t speak for men, but today, I honestly don’t know if there is a purpose to romantic relationships, except for procreation, and especially, there’s not a lot of reason for women to be in them when their is available security through a job or career. Careers are generally safer and have more benefits for provision. If we lived in the 1800s again where you linked up to farm or the home itself was a business things might be different.

[@anthonyiacobucci3652]

As much as I like Peterson, this is far too reductionist. First of all you have to be AWARE that your dominance has taken a hit. These theories work well for neurotic individuals. If you have good self-esteem rooted in solid infant attachment and a loving childhood, you do not care who is judging you and you don't care about hierarchies. You are pretty happy being yourself. These theories apply to the 95% of people who are emotionally unhealthy. They go out the window when discussing emotionally healthy people. Emotionally healthy people are fairly immune to the nuances of "status" in society. They don't need that to feel good about themselves. The problem with his theories are that they are all outer-focused and focused on social psychology. If you follow this, you will always be looking outside yourself to feel o.k. and trying to constantly control your environment. This is basically the opposite of good, sound mental health.

[@mabururozu5954]

interesting, thank you

[@so981]

Thanks

[@kali11123]

So what to do instead, if one was not raised in a healthy household?

[@realSimoneCherie]

Right on all counts

[@yta23xp]

Great!

[@adrianolechowski3444]

you watch this and you go no wonder this man went through hell and back, he was under so much stress ALL THE TIME and expected to perform and he was doing it. Respects

[@liannemarie2504]

I married waaaaaay up! He's such an amazing man and challenges me to be a better woman, everyday, just by being himself. He's strong, intelligent and kind and I can't imagine raising babies with anyone else❤️

[@ozguraydn8407]

Good for u

[@ThatGuyz82]

That is because women marry up and across and men marry across and down.

[@liannemarie2504]

@@ThatGuyz82 you could say that🤷. I'd say it all depends, though. I always say I married up and my husband tells me that's not true. Some people are clearly ok saying they settled. Either way, I'm glad I married up because it forces me to constantly work on myself and keep myself striving to be a better person just to be worthy of him

[@Jtanman93]

@@liannemarie2504 Think yourself lucky we live in a society which affords women that chance

[@liannemarie2504]

@@Jtanman93 or he fell in love with me and what society thinks can kiss my ass

[@Wolfhound03]

I couldn't begin to imagine putting a number to my wife. We were childhood crushes but both way too shy to actuallyake a move and then she moved away. I was the last virgin of my friends, 19, and I let myself lower my standards to fit in and that is my one regret. 10 years later she found me on Facebook. We both had nicknames back in the day so I didn't recognize her name and she had gone from a chubby kid to the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. 3 days into talking we both said I love you. I can't explain it but I had never used those words before, not even to my mom or grandmother. We've been together for 7 years now and we have been through the biggest ups and downs and I don't know what she sees in me but I do know that it's more than I can see and I feel like the luckiest person in the world.

[@AndrejaAndric]

There are as many hierarchies as there are values people hold. Someone who appears low status in one group of people may be high status in another group of people. So, attractiveness, if it is linked to status, is likely very relative, and different for different groups.

[@davidh6300]

Great point.

[@goncalobaia1574]

"I'm not saying my daughter has genocidal tendencies" "AHAHAHAHAHAHA" "Although she probably does because she is human" *crowd goes oh shit*

[@jpjp9111]

When I was a teen, apparently I was a guy 10. I didn't know that at the time. I was socially awkward. Many would do favors for me but I just thought it was normal and people just did that for everyone. However.... I couldn't get a date to save my life. I was a model but no one would date me for some reason. I grew up lonely.

[@CT--jv2ur]

Interesting.

[@SaltAndSeeds]

Yep. Thanks. Alpha 10 here and couldn't care less. Get me outta here. Society is sick

[@coolcat6341]

People or girls would assume you already taken or they are below your standard.... Humans are strange.

[@brookealiasemeraldfox8192]

I was a pretty attractive girl myself and I just had no idea how to get a date or talk to men. Guys didn’t approach me. Probably saw me as standoffish. I was extremely lonely throughout high school and college (at least in the dating world). When I finally left home I was self destructive, thought I wasn’t good enough, and seemed to throw myself at the bad guys for attention. Fast forward a few years- I met a guy through an online dating app and we are in a healthy relationship. I’m 31 now. He tells me he never thought he was attractive but I think he is. He also brings a ton of other stuff to the table. As long as people balance each other then I think it turns out well 👍 (I couldn’t understand why he couldn’t get a date either, btw)

[@xabhinavvijay1151]

Wow I would never have the nerves to say I'm 10.

[@russhall1414]

I asked my almost adult daughters about their social media. They asked if I was feeling well, cause "social media is gross" and were concerned about ME doing social media 😋😎🤗

[@itisfinishednowtimetoclean2723]

Too Funny, the Tinder comments I am going through this with my own daughter and yet have reminded myself she is wise. So true about contamination mentality, absolutely accurate. The old adage, “she/he, has a nice personality applies”! JP is always profoundly accurate.

[@itisfinishednowtimetoclean2723]

Regarding bullies; my new favorite adage: “underestimate me, That’ll Be Fun”! 😂😂😂. I No Longer tolerate BS or bullying behaviors Anywhere nor with regard to Anyone. Stand Up and and Stand Your Ground, be heard is what I say! Bullies are taught to be who/how they are because they get away with it! Don’t let them get away with it, it’s non acceptable behavior. I don’t give a darn who the heck you are, all they (bullies) are is a fading memory…

[@psyclotronxx3083]

I can relate to this lecture. In my twenties, I was easily in the top twenty percent of handsome men. Little did I realize that a shitload of other men were jealous of me and did everything they could to knock me down. And they did which lead to horrible panic attacks and years of wasted potential

[@latoyah9628]

I would love for someone to make a video regarding this topic. You hear of females knocking down other females. But from men it's never heard of. Would like to understand this phenomenon.

[@psyclotronxx3083]

@@latoyah9628 I'm much wiser now and take no prisoners.

[@MrCompassionate01]

You'd like the Count of Monte Cristo

[@tanit7741]

Ok me too throughout my entire life ppl have been jealous and have done things to try to sabotage me even my own mom as she was jealous cuz her husband was nice to me and she used to tell my real dad things to make him reject me and be mean to me cuz she was jealous of his love for me and she even turned family members against me and if I bring a guy around her that I’m dating she will try to turn him against me. I’m actually healing from that. The first narcissist was my mother and all the while I was blaming other ppl but I really needed to heal from her mind control, mental abuse etc. She was the reason others were treating me badly. It’s hurtful and I’ve isolated myself from everyone.

[@TheObsci]

It’s hard to settle in your conscience how somebody (even “friends”) could have so much malice for someone who had done nothing wrong but to exist. I like to think they’re not really conscious of it. Cutting their heads off publicly (metaphorically of course lol) is pretty effective but I’m not sure is a sustainable method. Perhaps this all sounds like something similar to “first-world problems” but dam it really hurt my trust in other people.

[@VS04]

This status issue also happens to women as they age, especially into the 40s. Men tend to want to date younger, more attractive women, yet men become seen as a sophisticated “Silver Fox”.

[@laurabarber6697]

Lol many are a legend I'm in their own minds! Florida us filled with older guy that have nothing to offer personality or financially yet think the deserve some young hot female😂😂😂😛

[@shanialee7361]

The younger women dont accept older men out of love, they accept them for the money they can provide. If you are a wealthy woman in your 40's or 50's you can still get the same privilege as well, look at Jennifer lopez, Halle Berry, through botox and expensive treatments these women look super youthful and they can bag any younger man they want (obviously they would have to lower their standards and date below them) or they could date young good-looking sugar boys and be their sugar mama but I dont think many women can do this but Men are capable of dating women who date them for money only, they dont care so much if they are loved genuinely or not but women care about being used for their money so there is that. So Yes a wealthy man can bag a 20 yer old, a wealthy woman can bag a hot 20/30 yr old guy too. Money speaks, you want the same privilege as a man, get money and you'll be in your 80's dating 30yr old hot guys, that’s assuming you dont care if they are using you for your money of-course .

[@SpiciestBee]

Yes, but this can all change if women have the “balls” to change the negative connotations between age and beauty. Internally and externally. Ladies, lets be honest and take our power back here. This idea only exists because we LITERALLY buy into it. If we associate age with beauty and wrinkles with wisdom like we associate dimples with youth, all of these fears and feelings we have will cease to exist and be perpetuated for future generations. On a capitalistic level, as well as a spiritual level. Men who date young women 18-21 wealthy or otherwise often lack the (mental) capability to entertain women their own age. We don’t want them, anyway. Stop caring, stop caring, stop caring. Ill be damned if I’m going to keep perpetuating this mess for myself and future kids. Age is beautiful. Study aged faces until you can begin to notice the beauty, I challenge you. I’m 26 btw.

[@unapologeticanti-feminist3205]

You forgot about the disparity in status in younger years where most younger women are considered attractive and have no problem getting attention and dates, and younger non-Chad men have to work very hard to get attention, dates, and sex. Older women simply experience what dating is like for younger less attractive men. Now, I know, a lot of women, especially nowadays, would insist, "Oh no I had such a hard time dating because the guys I wanted wouldn't commit to me and it was hard for me to find other guys that I was actually attracted to." I remember this feeling well before I met my husband, but it was very much based on the knowledge that many of those guys I put in the 'not attractive enough' category would have been eager to have a relationship with me. Many of these guys were only slightly less attractive than I was, but I, feeling at the top of my game, wanted to hold out for one of those guys I was really attracted to (wouldn't you know it, the guys who were 10/10). I had options and I knew it, although I'm sure this frustrated a lot of guys who wished I hadn't put them in the 'just not attractive enough' category. Older men go through this same experience because for the first time in their lives, they hold more cards than women do. They have options and they know it, and they're going to hold out to see just how high they can go.

[@michaelokoro5651]

@@isaura-22 a pedophile manipulation? are you kidding me?. so men should not date women younger? men should not have preferences? what a twisted view you have of men.

[@parvinmustafayev6507]

Don’t even consider to go with any relationship unless the other side accepts You who You are at the moment. Of course attitudes, mindset, and eager to improve flaws and shortcomings is a part of it. Again status can be freaky like any other biases.

[@cannotlivewithoutrice]

I think potential and how the mind of someone works would be the greatest factor in dating.

[@MrBrentgoodall]

In our age of pathological narcissism, this is all true more now than ever.

[@josephochenge476]

Inequality in taste, and likeable things make us different. Each person is moved by what he/she likes.

[@brookealiasemeraldfox8192]

He isn’t telling us to not date below our status I don’t think, it’s more of an observation of what happens to the psychology of a human being when they date below status and why. Something to think about.

[@kimberleerivera3334]

The Bible (says) the first will be last, and the last will be first. Don't follow the "world."

[@titotarantula2090]

this is absolutly acurate, I went through that due to circumstances. everything goes down hill

[@Fijidummo]

When he said I’ve seen my daughter go through tinder I lost it 😂

[@skycarter5761]

The biggest mistake I made in my life was marrying a man that was below my status. Not only did it ruin my personal life it broke up my family and put me into poverty. I would never give advice any woman to do this no matter how much in love you are. Think logically first and you can grow in love later.

[@communismisgarbage]

You are part of the problem, why are you preaching hypergamy when love is supposed to be the foundation of growing together and uplifting each other. You just chose a 💩 man , take responsibility for your own actions and downfalls.

[@jocko1283]

That is hands down the shittest advice i think I have ever heard god help anyone who dates you

[@yomomshouse100]

How was he below your status.

[@m.k.h.2718]

Definitely why women also need to be emotionally and financially healthy and independent before marriage. Regardless of the outcome, you will have the security and self assuredness to weather any storm!

[@xTwinVipersx]

This is correct! 👆👆👆

[@vwcanter]

This is JP’s great contribution to understanding the modern world. Once you understand the is material, it helps you understand your situation and how to improve it. Because it is timeless knowledge, not just the latest fad. Most of our values our crafted by this process that goes back billions of years. If we learn to understand them accurately, we can take aim at our challenges in life. If we never understand them, we labor under false beliefs that keep us from ever improving our lives.

[@degraham9198]

I'm glad I validate from within and choose whoever I want in dating. This is fear of not-status is just sad.

[@vb1816]

You get markled when you date below your status… don’t do it…. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

[@justjosie8963]

lol! I had to look it up, couldn't agree more.

[@ShaareiZoharDaas]

That is only true if you choose a narcissist.

[@Chesterr379]

Markled?

[@millan5549]

@@Chesterr379 could be Meghan Markle.

[@MsCaryopteris]

I was thin and cute, but sickly with an undiagnosed condition. I had low energy. I didn’t want to have kids because that would be exhausting. So I married a man below my status, thinking he’d take care of me. Nope; I’d have been better off alone. I didn’t realize he wouldn’t love me more than himself. He would work, but spent all the money on himself before bills. Once I got diagnosed finally and improved my health, I was strong enough to walk away.

[@Portia620]

I had grave disease and was super thin and very sick too. Why did you marry somebody just because you were sick I mean no offense not the judge just that doesn’t make sense to me? Did you have family

[@MsCaryopteris]

@@Portia620 yeah family judged me instead of helping me.

[@rickgauden]

Depression?

[@brent9359]

you say he didn't love you more then he loved himself, but did you love him more then yourself?

[@glutenousvector1153]

@@MsCaryopteris hold on marry down so he can take care of u financially? Clearly ur a user smh u deserves it

[@coffeeperson1461]

When I was in school one time I decided to sit at the back of the bus which is always reserved for high status important kids to see what would happen. Everyone looked at me in silence thinking "Oh my God!!". Of course they turned up and kicked me off. Really I see no reason to respect silly ideas like status. If someone sees me as not good enough for them I often can't help but play with them in the same way

[@Papagajidomitas]

Like it or not, it’s a cold Darwinian world. People will not be with you because of kindness.

[@maxkrut9943]

To the girls who are saying they find the most important is a man who's driven, I think a lot of men find their motivation in the woman. It makes them confident and it makes them more relaxed in life and confident that even if they fail they still have the woman who will be there for them. They grow into their motivation for life through you because they think about living with you, showing you things, stuff like that. However, girls want them to be highly driven beforehand and if the boy knows that if they stop being driven the woman won't like him than they won't have that relaxed support that actually does motivate them, and if they keep being unmotivated the woman will become like a parent and complain and they just want someone non judgemental who they can just be themselves for. It's a paradox. I think the women more than the men should be patient and make it their quiet mission to energeyse them as much as possible but if worst ever really does come to worst and they seriously give up, they should just try if they can to accept it. I know it's particularly hard for women, but still they should try to look past that if they can

[@safina1253]

It's not easy at all. Especially you had a great Dad.

[@davidp2847]

Wow tbh this video really hit home with me. I was dating someone a while ago that my friends would call a 3 or a 2. And they think I’m an 8. I could tell they were questioning it a lot and when I was in public with her I could sometimes see people staring as if to say why you with her? Lol. Buuuuut all in all, we got on quite well. But as for the serotonin levels Jordan Peterson mentioned I can relate to that as bad as it might sound. I used to get a bit irritable when I was around her and I never really understood it much but I could still feel that I was always wanting to find someone else “higher up”. Makes me feel bad saying that about her but that’s genuinely how I felt. There’s a lot of truth to this, at least for me anyway. Nowadays I think people in general rely too heavily on the dating apps, which I think are unfair for men and inadequate for women. Too many men vs women on there so men feel like they really don’t have an option but to choose some less than them in order to get someone so they keep settling for lower all the time. And women probably find it unfair in the sense that they want to know the ins and outs of them but find it hard because men don’t really show who they are that well on their profiles. For me, these apps have made me really messed up in the head, I have low ish confidence in general anyway so it makes it worse when on there. But when I’m out having a drink in bar I tend to have no issues in at least attracting someone or just having a better time. That’s why the new Metaverse (Facebook) is going to be so bad in my opinion.

[@Gaeisok]

What age are you now and did you find someone more on par with your status?

[@seancurtin5131]

Now all of you may laugh at this but please forget the status nonsense and remember the words of the great 'Stan Lee.' When ever you do something to help others or yourself to be able to help others, your a hero. Simply helping someone who's struggling represents the people who are true heroe's. We all possess the ability to be heroes and that should be what we look at over status each and every time. When I was a child there were 2 posters that hung in my room. One said: 'A Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed.', The other said: 'An Eye For An Eye and a Tooth For a Tooth, that way the whole world would be blind and toothless.' If you date someone who isn't what others consider your status but you love them and your relationship works, that's what really matters. That will be there when the status isn't and don't think status is forever, it can change on the rise and fall of the stock market etc. Is that worth risking your life over?

[@annibrowning868]

How contagious is contamination? Haven't we all been asking that living through the last 2yrs

[@autumnmoon8459]

What happens? They cheat on you because you gave them too much of a big head about themselves and in return you get suicidal thoughts.

[@mayalherek8263]

I have experienced this myself! Dated below my status because I wanted to be safe, wanted to make sure that I am with someone who cannot even dream of a girl like me in every aspect (not just looks, though looks included), and he ended up breaking up with me and breaking my heart

[@autumnmoon8459]

@@mayalherek8263 Yep, I was trying to play it “safe” too because I know my heart is too sensitive to be played with. I was trying to give myself a sense of security by dating lower. Kind of ironic that it backfires that way.

[@mayalherek8263]

@@autumnmoon8459 Oh yes, same here! and now I do not trust guys anymore with my heart! I am too scared to fall in love, but at least when I date now, I look for guys who are actually a catch! my logic now is that if they are gonna break up with me and hurt me anyway, I might as well be super picky

[@markoperic5023]

I feel like Im this below status guy, one girl that showed interest in me. Used to be a 10 in my eyes. But idk anything anymore. I asked her out 3 times, she rejected me 3 times then I went out with someone else. And apearently Im the bad guy for cheating and not beein patient enough with her. I wanna ask her about that, but then I feel like Im not allowed to complain. Im the manipulator I guess, if I try to express to her my emotions. But if I walk away, then Im a coward and not patient enough.

[@autumnmoon8459]

@@markoperic5023 It’s only cheating if she was actually dating you. Three times rejected doesn’t sound like you all were dating or that she had interest. Don’t beat yourself up. We are talking about guys that we were actually seeing not rejecting.

[@sivasun8599]

Simply said, you are who you are with. Take the lowest.

[@michaela-dv8li]

"you're not gonna respond to their email" 😂

[@rosieHolliday5887]

....you get very worn out, depressed & you'll slowly lose the will to live. I've only ever dated lower (cos of my crippling lack of self confidence) & I've been nothing but disappointed in love. Aim higher!

[@bramvalkenburg5655]

It is probably important to understand that Peterson talks about attractiveness as a concept which is not just appearance, although appearance is one of the factors. The ratings (I am a 5 and my wife is an 8) is probably due to your own concept of what attractiveness is. I would give myself a 3 but that does not mean that a woman would give me a 3 as well. Noting that I have 3 kids and a decent well paying job increases my attractiveness to women (to a certain degree). Back in highschool I was a pretty awkward socially, and sometimes I still am. For the people that did not know me, I was always chosen last when playing pretty much any type of game or sport. Little did they knew that I was actually quite good at games and especially sports. My status would improve dramatically after gymnatics. When we had to wrestle I also took down my 'bully' quite easily. Even girls started to like me (which by the way I could not comprehend at the time). What constitutes attractiveness is not for everyone the same, but there is definitely a hierarchy

[@christophekeating21]

At 6:51 he names four factors: (physical) attractiveness, socioeconomic status, hope for the future, and likeability.

[@mjgabor1528]

I couldn't get a date until I received my acceptance to medical school

[@robertpirsig5011]

Does anyone find this stuff a bit depressing? I mean I kind of gathered most of the points made here before unconsciously, but hate really thinking of people like this. Like he says " you don't want to be on the bottom of the hierarchy ". But what if you are? Do you just go crawl in a corner and die? I think this stuff is all a bit too primal. I think there is ultimately more to humans than boiling us down to being animalistic. I think this is were art comes from.

[@alhadidi1]

But why are you implying that you cannot climb up your way higher in the hierarchy? I agree with you that this might be too primal. But that’s exactly why it matters. If you work against a need in you that is too primal, you are working against nature. And that, I believe, is not wise.

[@vb1816]

Still to this day, women invest in making themselves more attractive so they can hook a rich and powerful guy. Markle diligently worked her way into and through Harry’s friendship group plus studied every detail of his mum, and even wore her favourite perfume, to hook herself a Prince. WAGS the world over make themselves look like Barbie dolls to snare their a list sports stars. While we like to think the world has evolved, this tried and tested practice will never die.

[@dionmcgee5610]

Thanks for bringing art into this. I agree with you on the unfortunate analysis of the human condition. Unfortunate, because I can't disagree with the overall truth of what he's saying. Egalitarianism and altruism are high ideals that some of us aspire towards- but the foundation is the mud, evolutionarily speaking, and everything begins down there. ( which can be beautiful with the correct perspective, but beautiful mud is still mud, even if it is encased in glass inside a museum.) With all the things science has revealed about the actuality of how the human brain works- memory isn't a recording- its fundamentally flawed dictation. The eye doesn't see everything our minds "show" us- blind spot fillers. We as people don't believe what we see- We see what we believe. Literally, and in several different ways that make understanding "reality" impossible. The imperfections of our evolutionary journey can make understanding "truth" feel less than inspirational- until we bring art into the world. Art lifts us higher than our physical limitations have allowed.

[@MTere-jc4wq]

A mí me deprime terriblemente este concepto tan materialista de las relaciones y del amor en particular. La vida es otra cosa. Desde Madrid

[@robertpirsig5011]

@@alhadidi1 Becuse you largely cannot. You're genetics are fixed and therefore you cannot work on having a beautiful face, or become naturally intelligent etc. These things to a large extent cannot be altered and so therefore naturally some people will be low on these points. I find this to be a sad outlook, but I do not agree with him that their is no hope. I think we all feel like this in one way or another and through art the suffering can be expressed and we can all relate and share in that suffering.

[@normag6769]

Peterson is so right about this politically correct thing. I am from a different part of the world, and yes, children can be cruel and pick on someone that seems too different or odd. That happens everywhere in the world. Some children won't be cruel at all, but there are always those who initiate the cruelty, and there are always the followers. Has nothing to do with upbringing, or culture, seems to be just human nature, some are naturally more kind or conscious, others are not.

[@jambononi]

Well not nothing to do with upbringing or culture. That can quite quickly be disproven. But more to the point that the capacity is very much alive in every human. For instance, when I was at school, a holocaust survivor came and did a talk in front of assembly. Not only was it an incredible account, he raised an interesting story that relates to what you're saying. He was a school boy at the time that Jews were labelled as a lower class human. He said within days of the teachers administering segregation, his friends at school became aggressive, he was mistreated and people kept their distance. It was almost instant. But what that shows isn't that upbringing or culture has no impact, it shows the exact opposite. Just like a dog that is kicked becomes aggressive or meek, a human will be the product of their surroundings. A child who isn't shown love or is abused, won't develop the capacity for empathy and may become anti-social (or sociopath). Just like the gun crisis in America where they are the only country with so many school shootings, why is that? Presumably something to do with the culture and the upbringing. In many Arabic countries, women are considered a lower class citizen than men, and therefore what westerners would consider bullying, is simply a normal response to the lesser sex. It's within human nature to create such hell or peace, but it's the culture and upbringing that decides which direction our nature is taken. So yes, you will see bullying all around the world in every school, but the reason for that is in the upbringing and the culture.

[@normag6769]

@@jambononi I agree, it's multifactor: upbringing, culture, human nature, individual conscientiousness, environmental and collective group influence... It's complex... I guess nothing in nature and humanity can be oversimplified.

[@bendubois54]

If you settle for less you get less! Learned that the hard way. Will pay for it the rest my life

[@erindeerhart5538]

Very, very true.

[@Gaeisok]

True but if you think you're worth more than you are you'll end up single

[@bendubois54]

Knowing your worth is pretty simple. Don't put up with someone that doesn't live within your moral compass. Don't give someone more chances that can't meet the morals. If lieing, stealing and cheating is ok in their eyes or as J.P. puts it "Intentional Malevolence", one should run like hell and separate themselves from such evil. Knowing your worth is far more important than settling for a loser.

[@Gaeisok]

@@bendubois54 what if they're a great person morally but you don't love them? You just get on well and see them as a best friend?

[@erindeerhart5538]

@@Gaeisok It's perfectly okay to have female best friends. Most of my best friends are girls.

[@antonia6059]

Oh my! Early on in the pandemic I was sitting in my patio watching some neighbor kids play. They were playing a version of this game except it was with Covid. They would tag each other and everyone would yell you’ve got COVID!!!

[@_unfiltered]

Him watching his daughter on tinder😂😂

[@victorialockheart5213]

It's very superficial. I was 19 when I found my spouse. Things that were important to me: someone my own age (he was 20), similar cultural and ethnic background, belief in biblical principals to be on the same page raising future children, approval of spouse by his/my parents.

[@One-ud3ij]

💔 We would not be attracted to damaged people unless we are damaged ourselves 💔

[@millertoyal]

As an opposing theory, if the "8" dates a "5", by association, does the "5" experience increased levels of serotonin and dopamine within the brain, thereby increasing life's trajectories?

[@KrummyProductions]

Annnnnd does that lobster then become the dominant lobster?!?!?!

[@ozguraydn8407]

Yes If the 5 is a woman. Men get their serotonin and dopamine with other stuff usually

[@buggeyed139]

Status hit is so real. When you know you’re associated with somebody you really really like, but you just know they’re so many tiers below you, and others will see you as that same tier too, it’s depressing. It really lowers your self esteem too to believing you were that tier all along.

[@avalanche9142]

Women mainly date across or up. They hardly settle for a guy who has a lower financial/social/physical(including height) status than them.

[@bigneiltoo]

@Eli Lis - 90% of women today have two men. A 22 year old F-boy who lives with mommy and is way better looking than her, and a 70 year old Sugar Daddy who was often never attractive even in his prime. Tinder girls are WAY worse than strippers EVER were. They are like the men at strip clubs. Trying to trade up, only instead of cash they offer easy V.

[@Fairisfairhg]

There is a reason why they do that, because men who feel like they are lower status than the woman tend to be more insecure than woman in the same position. Social conditioning I guess.

[@coolcat6341]

@@Fairisfairhg true...

[@dolabellajr]

Avalanche: "including height" Napolen Bonaparte: Hold my croissant

[@qpixelthree80]

@@bigneiltoo 90% of women? 😅😅

[@jasonrocksvegas]

Nobody wants to date down unless they are desperate with no other options.

[@maxinesobers2606]

Guys do it all the time.🌹🦋💕

[@chalanttracks4668]

@@maxinesobers2606 that’s their own fault

[@bigneiltoo]

It's a zero sum game. If women are trading way up, men are trading way down. The average girl on Tinder is sharing her man with SEVEN other women ON AVERAGE. Imagine being so desperate that you have to basically admit that nobody you ever met in your life could stand you, so you need a hand held app. But women do it because unless they have a guy so hot that all her friends masturbate upon seeing his photo (and then demanding he be faithful or he's a pig), women feel they can do better.

[@annyvee_]

or unless, like me, you have trauma from upbringing, thinking that you deserve less than what you are..

[@robertm.-certifieddaytrade4939]

Sadly, lots of guys date down because in their minds they think they’re NOT GOOD ENOUGH, yet most women stand their ground when it comes to status, does that mean they feel like they have more choices then men??

[@ElainesDomain]

The full lecture is worth watching. Thanks for posting.

[@oracleforman7189]

Where can I find the full lecture??

[@ElainesDomain]

@@oracleforman7189 In the description.

[@ConcreteRose32]

If anyone in the comments has watched Love is Blind on Netflix you would agree that when you remove looks it's either a game changer or an eye opener (especially about yoursellf). Season 1 has at least one of the couples still together and thriving. They also have a KZbin channel. In short the participants get to know each other by meeting in these pods for a week or two where they have only tone of voice and conversation to go by. What's interesting is when they finally SEE the person they chose it's either hit or miss. But once they go on their getaway you get to see that either they made a really good choice or a not so good one. Watching season 2 now.

[@apocryphalsubfusion]

The ideas Jordan talks about in this video are interesting ideas. The idea of hierarchy and how there's completion for mates has lots of scientific evidence supporting it. That being said, it is only one part of human social interaction which is way more complex. In fact I would argue that most human interactions are mutual (win win or lose lose) instead of a pure dominance win lose scenario. It's likely that Human societies which worked together flourished and those that didn't stagnated or perished. Even with chimpanzees the top chimpanzees in the social hierarchy aren't ones that are purely dominant physically but they are ones that have a mutually beneficial social relation. I think Jordan talks about this in later lectures but just wanted to point this out

[@NadaAlawadhi]

For me I realized that it’s not about someone’s status and how much they earn. It’s about them being responsible and doing something no matter what it is. At least they are doing something. When it comes to that I don’t compromise. The last thing anyone needs is someone who depends on other people and you and not have the motivation to do anything because they can’t handle a 9-5 Job.

[@daianepiucco2441]

Absolutely agree. Spent 5 years of my precious time with a stoner. Towards the end he had made some improvements, but again too slow to be considered significant. I was becoming resentful and bitter, and that’s hell. As painful as I was I had to forgive myself for trying to change someone who had told me from the beginning who he was. I will never put myself in that situation again, things are what they are and people tell you what they are if you really listen. Lesson learned

[@arevchick]

Oh my gosh!! I wish my dad was like him 😂

[@a1enterprise405]

I literally was thinking this 30 minutes ago and boom! This pops up on my recommended. 🤔 🤔 interesting

[@Drew-ce9ce]

This has just hit me in the face like a ton of bricks. Now though I’m questioning myself as to what gives me an entitlement to see myself as above others ........dilemmas dilemmas !!,

[@maximyles]

Nothing. I guess ?

[@andrewtrip8617]

Innate wisdom.we are all born with the ability to see our place in the hierarchy.

[@robertpirsig5011]

Could you imagine going around all day judging everyone and by extension yourself? No. because it's a pretty horrible way to go through life. We all judge in our own way to ourselves but constantly seeing yourself in a pecking order is sure way to be completely and utterly unsatisfied and unhappy with your existence. Don't take yourself too seriously. JP is talking about this on a primal level. People don't talk about this stuff openly because it's grotesque to do so.

[@andrewtrip8617]

@@robertpirsig5011 most of it operates at a subconscious level .without the use of intellect .we and most animals are constantly signaling and responding when in any social situation .It's what makes us who we are .Why should discussing it not be ok ?

[@robertpirsig5011]

@@andrewtrip8617 If you read the context in which I am responding. The OP is talking about seeing himself as above or below others on a conscious level. As I have said already, it is something primal and animalistic that probably cannot be controlled. What i am saying here is it is not a decent way to conduct yourself as human being. For instance if I gloat about being intelligent than someone else, I am in danger of behaving and alienating people I seem less intelligent. This is not a good way to lead your life as no one likes people who are full of themselves. Plus the fact that it is short sighted. Who's to say you would not be treated similarly because you find yourself being not physically attractive. That's the level I am talking about here.

[@SuperGospelGangsta]

Anyone ever seen the movie “Can’t buy me Love”? It is about everything Jordan is speaking about in this video

[@aleneziak1975]

It would be a good idea if a smart person can capsulate this genius’s great ideas into a shorter, simpler and more condensed version. I think it’ll attract broader audiences .. Sometimes, I lose track of the first idea we started with 😩. Dr. Peterson has a valuable and tremendous knowledge in the field that should be shared with the rest of the world and benefit from. I wish one of his fans would do that one day

[@jamierodriguez3554]

He speaks quite simple and clearly., you must lack intelligence or the Mastery of the English language

[@aleneziak1975]

@@jamierodriguez3554 When I point at the moon, the imbecile examines the finger

[@mellowyellow532]

@@aleneziak1975 someone will certainly do it soon probably. That way his wisdom would also more easily reach even more people, also people not perfect in english.

[@theworldofideas8038]

If you summarize it you will siimply realize that a lot of his ideas arent that profound imo.

[@ToniAnnBarandon]

It's a great idea. And you had the idea! You are the perfect person to do it.

[@alexabee2562]

The guy I'm currently dating is attractive to me but even more so with his personality.

[@sharisimonehampton5434]

Extremely interesting. It does in fact show where some personal issues may have occurred in my own self image. And yes, along with your findings for the negativity. Thanks for this insightful video. I would very much like to hear more on this subject. I am more hopeful these days, by the way...😉👍❤

[@MightyMonk360]

Never settle for less than your worth.

[@mouthymatt]

Bad things happen. Very bad things lol don't date below your worth!

[@wilwelaltijd]

In this kind of complex analogies you always find people disagreeing with the statistics because they find it cruel or offensive to measure people by numbers. But instead of being offended just listen to the facts cause even though you don’t like the way things work it won’t change the way things work. Instead you can get a better understanding of the issue and adjust the way you approach interaction with people. He didn’t mention personality and attitude because he was using tinder as an example. You can’t judge a person’s personality based on a picture. When you’re swiping you go for the looks and hope that that persons personality is one that’s compatible with you. The numbers don’t lie. And maybe you’re someone that’s very intuitive and don’t care about looks and can judge someone’s personality just by seeing a pic. But that makes you an outlier. The exemptions won’t change the rule. But more power to you. And if you disagree with me its okay too. Just don’t attack me cause that won’t change my opinion nor the facts no matter how wrong you might think it all is. And succes on the dating scene 🙏🏾

[@CBfrmcardiff]

"That's what destabilises the belief hierarchy!" Well, now I have to find out what is meant by the "belief hierarchy" and how it relates to stress levels.

[@Achcautli69]

I know I'm a 100 and sometimes I date lower numbers for fun and boredom, and I ended falling in love. However, I would like to marry a women who is 100 or higher.

[@ST-yc7uj]

🤣

[@angelakilcrease1448]

Very depressing out look on relationships in this video. Thankfully my dad, grandfather choose love and hearts as priceless who were high in status ,very secure like God or Jesus ❤️ 🙏 There are many salt of the earth people out there who aren't as shallow as this video message especially in Texas.

[@marciasloan534]

A DIAMOND AMONGST THE COAL

[@wintertontoday]

I believe in God & Jesus, only thing is that neither of them will live with you and give you a hug every now and then. Just not how it works. So ...?

[@joshy0369]

Good stuff 👏 👍

[@OhNoNotAgain42]

Luckily, several women (including my significant other) I have known were ok dating well below their status

[@steve19811]

not really. you attract what you vibrate at. Clearly these women weren't as high status as you presume....

[@skyinuri8868]

I met this guy 2 years ago, he attracted to my religion. Then gave my appearance rate 5/10 or bit up to 7/10. He said 7 is fair good and he still there after me until today. We have different beliefs and we regularly practice our beliefs well enough...as it says 'religious people'..it is just how our eyes meet and we understand more than wat we could tell

[@blakesharette26]

My ex broke up with me 6 months ago, and my confidence really took a hit. I’ve tried to get back into the dating scene, but girls either ghost me or find an excuse to back out. I wish I could feel more hopeful but it’s tough.

[@htran5058]

Focus on becoming the absolute best version of yourself. I know right now some days will be harder than others, but this will ultimately give you that clarity of purpose which people are attracted to, especially women. You can do it!

[@roguewxves5534]

You'll get there king, look after #1 first🔥

[@Tasha.rose.therapist]

Haha this was informative and hilarious XD Peterson is ace haha!

[@shanecargile8539]

The conclusion of this video just blew my mind