"What Has MY FAMILY Done To ME?" | Family Trauma & PTSD |Psychotherapy Crash Course

#trauma #FAMILY
#tamarahilllpc
Family trauma can happen for many many reasons.
It sometimes can occur without your family members knowing what's going on.
In other words, family trauma can be intentional or unintentional -- but it still hurts and can hurt for many years.
Family trauma can also cause adjustment disorder, acute stress reaction, or PTSD.
In this video, I will be discussing adjustment disorder and PTSD caused by family trauma. I also provide an explanation on how to recognize PTSD.
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DISCUSSED IN THIS VIDEO:
0:00 intro
2:14 Trauma that happens in families
SIGNS OF TRAUMA IN YOUR FAMILY
-chronicity of traumatic experiences
-conflictual family interactions
-intergenerational trauma or "family curse"
-poor patterns of communication
-dangerous and angry patterns of behavior and communication
-controlling of emotions and impulsivity is difficult for generations
-intense competition and family jealousy
-abuse/neglect/maltreatment
-personality disorders
-unresolved mental health and substance abuse issues
-family jealousy (parent-child, sibling, cousin)
10:52 PTSD symptoms
-Adjustment disorder
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DISCLAIMER:
*Videos are provided for exploration and educational purposes only and does not constitute clinical suggestions or consultation for individual cases.
If you or someone you know is having a medical emergency involving harm to self, please reach out to the suicide prevention hotline suicidepreventionlifeline.org/.
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----Contact me-------(BUSINESS INQUIRIES ONLY)
I'm Támara, a licensed and internationally/Board certified trauma mental health therapist, with over 14 years experience. I specialize in helping children, teens, and families with mental illness. I also treat psychological/emotional trauma in children, teens, and adults.
If you'd like to contact me or inquire about my international consultations, you may email me at [e-mail]. *Please note: all consultations are charged a fixed rate fee based on the case content.
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Robinson Township, PA 15244
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[@foodyfunk]

They steal every bit of hope, compassion and empathy and happiness that lies inside of you. They want to break you down.

[@taraarrington2285]

Yes

[@SovereignDirt]

Yep... ptsd.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

I'm sorry. The next question for you would be - if you were seeing me - if your PTSD is acute (short-duration), chronic (impacts you all the time), or unspecified (there is no clear timeframe).

[@SovereignDirt]

@@TherapistTamaraHill Trying to be concise explaining just how profound of a change this has been: (lots of stuff led to this...) After 37 years of smoking I finally realized I only smoked because mother hated me from birth or soon after. My "allowed" rebellion was her justification to smoke. I do not trust her, at all. 3 years ago, we were close. Now, she is the only one in this whole world I actually hate... mostly because she refuses to even look at how she is hurting me by enabling my brother and manipulating me. My brother was only able to do what he did because mother asked me for help. It was all an elaborate plan to make me move out of my late grandmas house which was shared with little brother. Get me out, steal my stuff. Now she thinks I am stuck with her. By allowing this to go on, she is trying to spiritually kill me. I am afraid I will seek retribution before I will feel "normal" again. Also, I'm afraid I will lose any last innocence I may still retain. I came here preaching the gospel, but I'm leaving preaching hell fire and damnation!!! This is not who I set out to be.

[@paulmay1729]

You cover a lot of ground in your videos and are one of the few teachers of this material who has helped me start to break out of the cycle. I believe I've been dealing with a lifetime under someone with dark triad traits. It's tricky.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thank you Paul! I'm very glad to hear this was helpful to you. It is a lot of material in a short time span. :) I don't disagree! And I'm sorry you have had to deal with this. Living a life with someone with dark triad traits is very complicated, as you say. Agree. I might do an updated video on this soon!

[@paulmay1729]

More on this subject would be good, but it's hard to do it justice. Each trait is a subject by itself (and some professionals point out there is a fourth element to their disorder) and what they do to others is at least as complex as they are. I will keep an eye out for you covering this!

[@ruby-qv5bd]

Yes, it's tricky, I agree. These videos give us lots to ponder.

[@shaungreen4756]

I have been through this and been wronged by family, I wish i knew then, what I know now. From my own personal experience, if your family are doing you harm by having contact with them, walk away from them. You're better off accepting it, and look after the people, who look after you, sometimes good friends are better than family.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Very much agree with this "You're better off accepting it, and look after the people, who look after you, sometimes good friends are better than family." Amen!

[@shaungreen4756]

@@TherapistTamaraHill True, you can't force people" to love & resect you", they either give it you, or they don't.

[@foodyfunk]

Thank you sm, at this point I have turned into a hollow shell, I'm numb and don't feel anything, I don't feel connected to anyone anymore, a complete avoidant, I feel like a non existent ghost whose chest is filled with pain and nothing else. The amount of abuse they inflicted upon me is unsurmountable words are not enough to explain about these monsters.

[@nessakara1985]

Sending you lots of hugs

[@dianerose7631]

Cannot relax because of it. Cannot have a relationship or be sexually active and I try. Will keep trying as things will change

[@dnk4559]

I too have had this issue. In my fifties now and I can say that working on and processing the childhood trauma has been immensely helpful. I’m finally more relaxed, less tense, and have so much more peace. I still have my bad moments or days but it’s so much better now.

[@Junior-ts1xg]

Still watching your videos. Really feels good to see these videos. They make me feel like I'm not completely alone.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thank you!! And I'm really glad to hear this. That's why I do these videos. I want them to help. :)

[@tyardovdabulldht2340]

Hi, I'd like to see you do a video on TOO MANY different fathers. I suffered tremendously as both a child and a adult. My mother bore 8 children with 3 different fathers. Not only did we look different we act differently. My Trauma was I had no full blooded siblings and I was the youngest. Couple that with an emotionally unavailable mother. I had a very dysfunctional family. It took me years to get up the courage to just walk away. That was 17 years ago. I haven't looked back. My mother recently passed....🤷I really don't care. Didn't even entertain the thought of attending her funeral, she wasn't worthy. She disowned me because I'm a lesbian. Truth is she wanted to do that long before my lesbianism. She just used that as her excuse. My siblings will never see me again either. Letting them go also was the best move I ever did for myself. Now I'm free.🙏

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

I'm sorry this has happened to you. I have done a video about this thanks to you. That should be coming up soon. This is a topic MANY on this channel have asked for. Stay tuned.

[@tyardovdabulldht2340]

@@TherapistTamaraHill Hi, thank you for your humanity and using your talents to help heal. They are very much needed and appreciated. I'll be on the look out for that video🙏

[@ruby-qv5bd]

Thank you, Tamara for this video. It helped me to see some of the issues I have been dealing with throughout my life that have caused me to have a difficult time because I have always just tried to work it out myself. I didn't know that I could have gotten more help at the time besides just taking meds. It is too bad that doctors don't try to ask you more questions in a way that you feel comfortable enough to say, " You know, I could use some help here, I'm struggling with things." Doctors are not asking the proper questions when you go in. They give a pill to you and send you on your way. I don't want to blame, but when you are crying off and on, there is a reason deep down and that is what needs to be looked at. I sure have struggled and without the help online from people like you, I would still be suffering deeply. Thank you so much for helping me realize I have experienced things that have made me suffer. Blessings to you.......................................

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

You're welcome and God bless you too ruby! Thank you and I'm very glad to hear this video was helpful. I always go into videos hoping to "touch" the viewer in a way that they walk away feeling freed, hopeful, insightful, informed, and maybe even validated. I do agree with you that doctors tend to prescribe more so than they do converse with the patient. It's not a helpful method for those who have complicated family dynamics and trauma. We're medicating the person but not dealing with the trouble that led to the need for medication. So then meds become the Band-Aid. Sadly.

[@blankearth5840]

I just can’t believe that after all of my life of not being with my extended family, after all of my life of not growing up with my brother that they raised, and after having a hard life with my narcissistic dad and being homeless with him, I thought it would make sense to go be with them, I felt like a gift to them when they finally found me and we went through a honeymoon phase, they even said I was a gift from grandma that passed away, but I was only with them for 3 months and I couldn’t take it anymore, their conditional love got totally psychologically chaotic. Like I was treated like a total transaction. I thought I was going to have a new life there in a multimillion dollar home, I thought I could finally have that “privileged life” that I never had growing up, my brother did but I never did, but I guess I just “wasn’t on the same page” and didn’t “earn it”, something that I should’ve had growing up alongside my brother, but I never did. I had no idea that they were only going to love me when it benefits them. I guess it really does take little to gain perspective, but its hard to see over the edge when you never jumped before

[@davefischer2344]

1:04 I love your break down.

[@lmm4473]

Thank you 😊 Very helpful information 🙏🏽💜 Taking notes 🙌

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

You're welcome!! And thank you. Very glad this is helpful to you. :)

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

This video was produced to take the place of yesterday's attempted LIVE chat. I will be in the chat section tonight.

[@katherinemnusa]

I am 71 having depression and PTSD from young childhood. Right now I’m am pretty much estranged from 2 sons and one sister…my husband is teetering on the fence. Right now we are trying to find counseling.

[@fairygurl9269]

Thank You, Beautiful Lady💞

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

🤗Thank you and you're welcome !

[@Meleesha1116]

Thank you so much for sharing…this was very helpful!

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

You're welcome!! And thank you 😊

[@rodfrancis9160]

My mothers personality changed from loving to very evil when i was 7 years old.( I am lucky to be alive and not have brain damage) So my self esteem was destroyed along with my education and believing all women are monsters ,there fore unable to form a loving relationship with a woman because I don't want to be loved by any woman.. I still have regular dreams of being that 7 year old and seeing her and her evil partner. Things are better these last 2 years but seeing her brings it all back and i wish Covid would get her but i know she will live for decades more.... just to haunt me...

[@sarahmaea275]

Awesome video thank you 🙏

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thank you! Glad this was helpful! And you're welcome 😊

[@searching-for-truth]

🤞

[@gillgilroy4366]

I know you can’t answer every question personally but I have been struggling for the past few years with the realisation that my childhood was abusive. The advise you give is very helpful but usually addresses the problems within families of living relatives. My abusive parents are dead but the trauma still remains and I can’t find a way to reconcile the two sets of memories that I have of them. Can you help, please?

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

I'm sorry Gill. I would suggest reaching out to someone who can provide psychotherapy to you from a trauma perspective. Have you tried to reach out to a psychotherapist? Many accept insurance so if you have insurance things will be easier for you. You can also try places like Better Help, Teladoc, and Cerebral just to name a few. I wish you well on your journey.

[@gillgilroy4366]

@@TherapistTamaraHill thank you, Tamara for replying to my query. I am a 67 year old English woman and I don’t have insurance and the NHS mental health services are stretched to breaking point with younger, more in need people. I just wondered if you had any insight into the issues of childhood trauma that still affect older people. When I look back to my parenting of my own children and numerous other times I can think of that I now see how that early trauma distorted my perception of myself and others almost to the point of the dysfunction that I myself experienced in childhood. I wasn’t expecting a personal reply and I’m flattered you took the trouble to write back to me, but I was wondering if you could address the issues that come up for those of us who were taught that ‘sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me!’ from a generation who only recognised extreme physical or sexual abuse AS abuse.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

I will certainly try to address these issues in future videos! I have listed a few things in my notes to address from your comment. I do have videos on intergenerational trauma and childhood trauma on the channel that may be helpful in answering some of your questions. I wish you well

[@donnaparks1919]

Was abused as infant head trauma dyslexic dysgraphia no help town systems all declined me

[@AdamantlyAdams]

❤

[@donnaparks1919]

Moved to place no public transportation can't drive no shops to get things I need to work with no one I can even hire to do things really hard trying see as crafter with one eye my life stopped when I moved here sis knew exactly what she was doing bringing me here there is no family here

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

I'm sorry. That is tough indeed 😔

[@97oxen]

This helps me when I wanna die on and off so thankful for these

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

You're welcome. Please hold on. Your life has purpose, even if you don't see it now.

[@chevellehymans6150]

Hi sis i am trying to sucess my way through trauma

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Hi Chevelle, I understand. It's overwhelming and sometimes feels impossible. But I believe you can do it. I will pray for your strength on this journey. I've been there. My mom has been there. My colleagues have been there. It's more common than we think.