What I Learned From European Men

[@KevenTalks]

Sorry for the pixelated video quality! I recorded this in the evening, and thought about re-recording the following day but I prefer keeping these "stream of consciousness" videos candid in the moment, versus trying to replicate later on :) PS - based on some of the comments below - it's funny to me how so many Americans seem to feel uncomfortable with any kind of romance or courtship 🤭

[@gioarias75]

Hey You are you coming to Folsom Fair?

[@KevenTalks]

@@gioarias75 No

[@gioarias75]

@@KevenTalks ahhh was hoping you would make it out here to experience Folsom fair maybe next year you and your boyfriend could make it out here for the fair.

[@williammit1332]

Ok Kevin, I spent to much time at your age and in my South Florida days being insecure and living in my head. I look back at old pictures and i was a reasonably good looking Italian boy. I had a great job and owned a beautiful house with a pool at 24 yo. You are extremely attractive and articulate. Don't let that little voice in your head tell you different.

[@KevenTalks]

Thank you 🙏

[@LarryHubble-m3k]

If you have a problem of "insecurity", then you first need to grow up and stand on your own two feet. No one is going to want to carry you around like a dead weight.

[@edwardbak4459]

Travel is wonderful for renewal and for clarifying one’s perspective on life. Glad that you went on a long trip.

[@RunTravelSleepRepeat]

This video is so spot-on! I only date guys in Europe now, because of the points you’ve highlighted. I work at home in the US half of the month and then I spend the other half in Europe now. European guys value connection and romance so much more than American guys. European guys don’t like bs and they don’t like frivolity and wasting time. If they like you, they aren’t afraid to show it. I just went on a date with a Polish guy in London and he insisted I sit next to him at dinner, so it’s interesting you had that same experience. I don’t even bother with dating in the US anymore. Europeans give me so much more of what I’m looking for. My next trip is in two weeks back to Romania, where I’ve had two great dates so far. This was a great topic you brought up. Thanks for sharing it.

[@KevenTalks]

Funny that we had the same experience with the seating arrangement, lol! Best of luck to you in Romania :)

[@ulrichjahn9975]

Sitting opposite to each other: Looking into each others eyes, feels very intimate. Sitting next to each other: Concentrating on the words spoken, even more intimate.

[@cusimilooking4965]

Good morning, I was on KZbin and accidentally ran into your news feed. It's so nice to hear you talk about your perceptions on European men and that is some ways define yourself as an adult gay man who knows exactly what he wants and is not afraid to show it. Years ago I met a guy who brought me more out of the closet ( gee, as the time I thought I was a secure gay man). In any event I learned to feel comfortable with expressing myself in public and painfully learned that dating a calculating and creative married engineer was not in my best interests. All things said I was able to open up my heard and rescue a feeling that at that time was had been suppressed. There are positive things about this experience and well that chem, that spark, the courtship and those weird feelings were there. I'm thankful that I experienced it at the expense of much hurt for all of us involved. European men: we are romantic, well traveled, caring and loving. We are just like you and like many others here, there and everywhere. We have standards and we know what we like and our fears are also not unique to us. Like you, it's about traveling thru the muck and discriminating what we know we don't like and value. I'm 60 yo now and I'm wiser and maybe to careful. In the end, it's out how we choose to live and who we want placed in our lifes. Thank you for sharing.

[@KevenTalks]

Thank you for sharing this thoughtful comment! I totally agree on this idea of something suppressed getting "released" through your exposure to people elsewhere - an important experience to widen one's scope of what romance, dating, and also just human behavior can look like!

[@haasmanning]

wow.. this is inspiring.. I'm a romantic at heart like you.. I've always had a special place for Paris in my heart, maybe I now know why. thanks for sharing.

[@KevenTalks]

💜💜💜

[@Alan.Endicott]

I got this bit of wisdom from a movie (I forget which one, dammit): We don't date to find The One, we date to learn what we need from one. It sounds like that's your experience, too.

[@KevenTalks]

Love this!

[@lawrenceharris7369]

What a unique experience for you Keven. And thank you for sharing it.

[@KevenTalks]

Thank you for watching as always, Lawrence! 💜

[@williamthomas267]

"We accept the love we think we deserve," - Stephen Chbosky And you deserve a beautiful, happy, the way you want it, relationship ❣️

[@erics1140]

I lived in Miami for a few years and it is the most shallow city in the US. NYC and Chicago may have cooler weather but there is more depth .

[@KevenTalks]

I keep hearing about how great Chicago is...one of the few "true American cities" I haven't been to. I need to go sometime soon! Out of curiosity, where in Miami did you live?

[@erics1140]

@@KevenTalks I lived on South Beach at 14th and Euclid. I'm in commercial real estate and go back for work . To me, it's gotten more detached. For a city with such a warm climate, it's a very cold place. It's interesting because while living there I started hooking up with and dating European men.

[@KevenTalks]

@@erics1140 Oh wow, very close to where I live actually! 😅 "Detached" is a good way to describe it. Beyond the vibe of the people though, I LOVE Miami (the climate, the lushness, the beach...)

[@alexanderpons9246]

Glad the European Tour confirmed that what you want in a relationship/connection it's not off!

[@KevenTalks]

🙏

[@abiezermoyet22]

It has a lot to do with growing up in households with very close ties and strong family values. Not that Americans don’t have family values but Europe is much more liberal and accepting and it is reflected in how those young adults are now going into the world and being genuine.

[@KevenTalks]

Your point on family ties is a great detail to mention! Very true.

[@L-mo]

I enjoyed listening to this. Never seen one of your videos before and know nothing about you at all, but you made this feel like I was listening to a good friend. I think I know what you mean, but I wish you had elaborated a bit more on what you meant by romantic and courtship oriented dating. Is there something more to it besides flirtation/affection? I am guessing humor is what you meant by lightness.

[@KevenTalks]

Thanks for the kind words! I mean a certain warmth, gentleness, and kindness. A clear desire to connect, to get to know someone. It's rare that I experience that in the U.S. It's rare that I even get asked on a proper date in the U.S.!

[@L-mo]

@@KevenTalks yep, that's what I thought. Like it's just hook up culture via apps etc? Everyone deserves a proper date with a handsome, kind and intelligent gentleman! They are out there. You are one of them!

[@AndrzejGajewski-l1m]

Hello, I am originally from Europe living in Florida. You are so right, dating is so strange sometime. It is difficult to read people. And it is so true, European people are different in many ways.

[@KevenTalks]

Out of curiosity, where in Europe are you from and which part of Florida do you live in?

[@AndrzejGajewski-l1m]

@@KevenTalks Hello, I was born and raised in Poland, now I am in West Palm Beach.

[@KevenTalks]

@@AndrzejGajewski-l1m Thank you for sharing! I wonder how West Palm Beach compares to the experience in Miami Beach, in terms of dating, etc.

[@AndrzejGajewski-l1m]

@@KevenTalks In my opinion dating Americans, with all do respect is quite challenging. The reason is different mindset. I don't have much experience in that area. I was mostly dated Latinos. There is different mind there as well hahaha.

[@KevenTalks]

@@AndrzejGajewski-l1m Haha totally! Agreed

[@Tuckerz5d]

So happy it worked out for you in Europe.

[@KevenTalks]

Thank you 🙏

[@CiaraContent]

Such an interesting video. I thought you were just on vacay and not working but if you work remotely you truly can work wherever you want. Good for you for picking yourself up and plunging into something new. I bet you made a lot of beautiful guys swoon over you lol

[@KevenTalks]

Omg I wish I had that many vaca days lol. Thanks for watching, as always! PS did you ever try to go for KZbin partnership?!

[@CiaraContent]

@@KevenTalks you're welcome boo I actually seriously considered it and ultimately decided not to join the partnership. I don't know how safe it is to have my private info on youtube

[@KevenTalks]

@@CiaraContent Oh got it! Keep it in your back pocket in the future ;)

[@CiaraContent]

@@KevenTalks I will. Thanks for the recommendation again 💓

[@trainattendant5810]

Lovely for you to have the experience of emotionally & physically available men in Europe. Polar opposite of the USA. I live in LA & find the men/dating to be a west coast parallel to Miami. Breadcrumbs, mixed messages, game players! Travel to Europe & Latin America frequently find the men a refreshing change. One can't help but to feel romantic in Europe.

[@KevenTalks]

"Breadcrumbs, mixed messages, game players" this needs to be in a song! 😫

[@simonsmatthew]

I had a similar experience in my 30s. I met a French guy and an Argentinian guy in Spain who were just like the guy you described. It revived my faith in love. I just felt the love from them. It must be an Anglo Saxon thing. The English are just like the Americans. Anyway, I am now with a French guy, and most happy.

[@KevenTalks]

Omg Argentinians are great, too. 🥰 Interesting point about Anglo-Saxons...the English are not known to be as romantic but I must say I LOVE the British charm & wit. Congrats on your happy ending ;)

[@nyc1641]

@@simonsmatthew it takes a particular man, to be able to be comfortable to respond to that kind of love! Good luck in your relationship

[@Jennifer-tl1pb]

"At the end of the day, I'm probably most compatible with a European guy." I love this possibility! 💜💜 Although I haven’t been on any dates in a long while. LOL🤣🤣

[@davidbrims5825]

Talking of French men, actor Alain Delon passed away on Sunday, aged 88.

[@MrDavfit]

I lived in Miami ..it's Miami ..

[@KevenTalks]

Yes that's definitely a part of it too (vs. general US).

[@paullewis2413]

From my experience American (i.e. U.S.) guys are generally shallow compared to the average European. If you want to experience how loving and passionate a guy can be I can tell you Iranians living in Europe can be awesome, some of the loveliest men I’ve ever known.

[@ianlongoria6096]

I feel like American culture is more guarded than most countries. Do you think international guys see Americans as more desirable and exotic or do you think it doesn’t make a difference? Also do you think you would be happier living in Europe or just prefer living in your home country America even if potentially worse for dating?

[@KevenTalks]

I do think people exoticize America & its citizens, though a lot of other places and cultures are also exoticized. I do think I'd be happier in Europe honestly - but I'm not complaining - I'm very comfortable and set in my ways in the States so I don't see myself leaving. What are your thoughts on it?

[@ianlongoria6096]

@@KevenTalks honestly I agree totally, and i think even internationally, long term relationships are probably rare among younger gay guys. However, I definitely think social life and dating is better in many countries other than America because Americans tend to be more reserved than most other countries. But I think American life is good enough and that long term expat life might become not as desirable as at the start

[@sylvainhyais8166]

I am new to your channel and I love it. Have you ever travelled to Asia? I am taking a year off and will travel to Fuerteventura/ lanzarote then to Vietnam from February.

[@KevenTalks]

Thank you! :) The farthest East I've gone is Dubai. I hope you have an amazing time!

[@kingsnowman7461]

You should come visit me in Quebec-city then. It's got this European French feel without the attitude, and we're on the same continent.😉

[@KevenTalks]

It's so funny because my friend was just there, and texted me yesterday saying he's never been to a place where people are so rude if you don't speak the local language - LOL. I speak French so I suppose I wouldn't experience that - people say the same about Paris - but I found it hilarious that literally hours later, several of you guys are like "come to Canada!" haha.

[@kingsnowman7461]

@@KevenTalks LOL. Your friend obviously bumped into the wrong people. Mind you, there are rude people everywhere.

[@KevenTalks]

@@kingsnowman7461 Definitely rude people everywhere. He felt it was omnipresent. 🤷🏻‍♂ Who knows. He may have also just been around bitchy gay guys, lol. (it was Montreal pride apparently?)

[@JeanMarc2508]

Hi Keven. I have just watched one of your videos for the first time (this one). I just want to see that I understand so well what you are talking about. I live in Montreal (Québec) ; I went to Paris fort he first time when I was 20 years old ; I was ther for a three weeks vacation but... I stayed for six months... Living in Paris, in France, in Europe was so revealing to me ! My life was so enriched by the relations with other people over there. I had to come back because I did not have a visa, but always wanted to go back. I went in Europe many times in the next years, but always had to come back, for work and other similar reasons... I had a few wonderful relations in Montreal, but communication with my Europeans friends or lovers are so much richer than the one I have known in Montreal for years and years. No need to say that I am so much older than you are. Thanks you for telling your experience. I would have so much to say... but my english is a bit limited.

[@JeanMarc2508]

... I juste want to SAY (not « see »)

[@KevenTalks]

I totally hear you! 💜

[@richard2907nl1]

Glad that your trip in Europe did bring some good experience for you specially regarding your love experience. It is very true, European men are more romantic instead of like American men being too practical. I do hope that your next trip to Europe will be in the spring or fall, which is outside the high season that you will experience Europe more intense en private. And do hope you may reaches out to me if you ever plan to visit Netherland again.

[@Preppie-thirty]

The best date is to have lots of light hearted fun..and that leads to intimacy.

[@KevenTalks]

I agree completely. But what if the date has zero warmth or charm or "spark"? To each his own, I guess. But when a date feels "clinical" - that to me is concerning.

[@Preppie-thirty]

@@KevenTalks Exactly hun, When the spark isn't there I either just move on or offer friendship.

[@smusz]

Even platonic relationships are so different between the states/europe/canada. Have you been to Montreal? You might find it refreshing without the distance.Also, the europeans may be finding you more interesting (for many reasons) because you're the captivating american -not european?

[@KevenTalks]

Your last point is an interesting one - totally possible - there's several novelty factors which may not represent the true experience of living there as a local. That being said, that cultural blend will always exist for me - even if I were to move there vs being the tourist. My brother's girlfriend told him when they first started dating something like "I find you attractive because you have European realism but American optimism." We all knew exactly what she meant by that. Europeans tend to be more practical and even cynical, whereas Americans "think outside the box." There are of course pros and cons to each cultural mindset. To your point, some will always be enchanted by something foreign to them. But I'll tell you that in the U.S., I feel like the guys I meet don't even notice things like this. Even the types of questions guys asked me on apps in Europe - totally different conversations and level of curiosity than here. As someone below pointed out, almost 5 years into living in Miami, I may now be conflating my Miami experience with the U.S. experience which isn't a fair assessment either.

[@nathanielswan909]

First of all, you are very easy on the eyes. With that as a prelude, sitting across the table would allow me to look deeper in your eyes and maybe hold hands across the table, as opposed to needing to crank my head towards you all night. The first guy you mentioned......If this was a first encounter and you were leaving in the morning than he might not want to get all wound up to have you gone the next day.

[@jyd9591]

Safe trip home, Keven! Glad you had a good time. Just an opinion on my part but gay men in America just don't seem to be that romantic, as a whole. I don't know why. I know I sure have been disappointed. Maybe Europeans were raised with more romanticism being the norm and all men there, both gay and straight don't have the "sissy" stigmas attached to it like a lot of Americans seem to..... Also, I'd be curious to know if European men spend as much time on their social media channels as Americans do. An emphasis on putting sexy bodies on display seems to be front and center here in America. Maybe European social media has a more subtle romantic feel to it and men there are just more used to it. I don't know. Just a thought.

[@KevenTalks]

I think you're right. European men are both more romantic and "traditional" (when it comes to relationships, etc). I wonder how much of this has to do with the immigration culture of the Americas. Meaning - if your roots are firmly planted for several generations (in a place like Europe), perhaps you are wired to want the same things you see reflected in your family + community around you? There's a lot of layers to this - the U.S. is also such a capitalist, individual freedom oriented culture which probably also lends itself to a non-committal culture?

[@LarryHubble-m3k]

"gay men in America just don't seem to be that romantic" because life is not a fairy tale (no pun intended)!

[@martinmaynard141]

A friend of mine was at the barber here in Seville and I guy came in and the barber was all hugs and kisses and "mi arma" (my soul - in the local dialect). My friend asked "Is that your boyfriend" "No he is my cousin"

[@grantponciano9386]

Dropin them hints x'D

[@Manuello92]

Wow this revelation happened to me yesterday. Like I have come to peace and acceptance that American men just aren't for me.

[@LarryHubble-m3k]

Good thing you found that out yesterday than 20 years from now. Who knows where you would be? Maybe with an American. Wouldn't THAT be terrible!

[@rory1733]

Did you ever patch things up with your friend?

[@KevenTalks]

Good memory! Nah, that's over

[@rory1733]

@@KevenTalks well you did mention it in this video ...... I think there is a lot of social conditioning to make it seem like friendships are all meant to be forever and it's just not true. It is OKAY and value creating to have relationships END. Doesn't mean they are or were any less meaningful or important.

[@rolandcassar75]

There's a fundamental difference between Europeans and Americans that I only became aware of when I travelled to the States. Americans are very outgoing and friendly and easy to talk to, but it's only a facade. They are locked in a public persona probably created to protect them from the outside world. For all its talk of freedom, the US is a very conservative place with very precise demands on how to be and how to act. You're free to diverge from the norm, but if you do, you are sidelined. The result is that Americans will say what is required or what they think is appropriate in a given situation, but they don't really mean what they say and they know that they won't be held to their words. Europeans generally mean what they say. Come live in Europe. BUT : I like to site across from guys so I can look them in the eyes. You can still fiddle with their hands and connect physically. But I would have said "no, I want to keep looking at you"

[@KevenTalks]

Thank you for this - you expressed it so well. It's a kinder approach than what most Europeans say about Americans, which is that they're "fake." I agree that Europeans tend to be more honest, and less calculated in their behavior. Obviously, I'm generalizing - but there are definitely noticeable differences, and when it comes to dating or courtship, it feels easier & more of an enjoyable "dance" in Europe. Out of curiosity, when you were in the U.S., were you single and open to meeting guys? If so, I wonder how you felt that experience specifically differed.

[@edwardnashen5960]

With your looks, I don't know any guy who wouldn't feel lucky to have you sit next to them.

[@KevenTalks]

🙏😘 No one is required to do anything they don't want to do on a date, of course, but for me that was such a disappointment. Imagine if a straight girl did that - "come sit next to me!" If the guy said no, I feel like most people would think that guy was a total dud for not doing it.

[@stephm4047]

It is time to relocate I guess. 😅

[@KevenTalks]

Haha perhaps ;)

[@nelsondesousa9304]

Hey Kev. I’m happy to see you had a great time in Europe. Broadly, I can see where you’re coming from but do you think that your experiences in Europe reflect your mindset (ie) when you go on holidays/vacation are you more likely and freed up to focus on romantic interactions so you manifest these things?

[@KevenTalks]

Honestly it depends. I've been on trips, and even during part of this trip, where I feel less open or inclined to check out the apps. I really do think it boils down to a cultural difference!

[@nelsondesousa9304]

@@KevenTalks cultural differences are a thing for sure but I don’t think it’s as pronounced as it’s made out to be. Guys are guys no matter where you are. Don’t go ruling out American men altogether :)

[@KevenTalks]

Fair enough ;)

[@jacobhughes8056]

That’s great Keven! it’s so odd how Americans on apps are not as intention based I’ve noticed that too. Question, im a little younger than you but heading to my 30s soonish. Does being in 30s negatively change your app matches or not at all? Seems like doesn’t right?

[@KevenTalks]

I'm not sure. I've become slightly self-conscious about that entering my thirties, suddenly noticing more "no one over 25" type profiles on apps...at the same time, I don't want to attract guys who vocalize stuff like that. I'm healthier, cuter, and also more refined than I was at 25, so they're missing out ;)

[@jacobhughes8056]

Same, and age is just a number, I’ve met a few people recently who said they were younger than me but look like they could be 15 years older easily. But you still match with people of all ages too right not just 30s or older?

[@KevenTalks]

lolll at them looking older. Yeah lately I've had much younger guys show interest which is interesting (!) TBH it makes me feel a bit uncomfortable, probably from my own insecurities - like I feel too old to be around a college-aged boy 😅

[@LarryHubble-m3k]

@@KevenTalks You're so lucky to be God's gift to mankind......

[@stephenburns3678]

Travel changes you. Congratulations.

[@Krishicher]

Sounds like a Hallmark movie.

[@KevenTalks]

😂😂😂 "Elated in Europe"

[@MegaMayday16]

so obviously as an american you are more interesting for euro gays because exotic and wealthy. its funny that you are attracted to the french charm which is romantic flirty and playful.....but yeeet you would not settle down. its juuuuust a phantasy you fancy. and its conveniant for you now to have this mindset that alll the good matches are in europe anyways and far away and now you can comfortably set higher barrs in order for love to never get to you because you are avoidant and you just like to play and to feel the illusion of romance when in france fare away. the utopic distance makes you feel safe :) from real commitment

[@davidbrims5825]

Did you visit Oscar Wilde’s grave while in Paris ? I just watched a documentary about his last days in Paris, you can actually stay in the hotel room where he died.

[@KevenTalks]

lol that's too morbid for me

[@davidbrims5825]

@@KevenTalks it is a bit morbid, anyway it was a fascinating documentary presented by Oscars Wildes grandson Merlin Holland and Rupert Everett. It may be up on KZbin.

[@truerthanyouknow9456]

Yay for flings!

[@naky6]

You Americans are so frustrated, I feel sorry for you. ❤

[@keltus_warrior6491]

"European men operate differently." Of course! They haven't been indoctrinated by the Puritan morals ethic. The built-in anxiety is detrimental.

[@KevenTalks]

Interesting point!

[@brijmsn]

You should move there.

[@enviropediaxr6007]

You must never tell people what they should be doing. Instead, be the best choice, let them have the freedom to decide.

[@LarryHubble-m3k]

You're on exactly the right track.

[@deeringkendrick8388]

Nice is nice. 😬

[@CRYDERSB]

Cutie 😜🙌

[@davidpp330]

Charm they greeted you with lol! Dude, you were undressing the Guys while staring at them and drooling!!!

[@jaimecortez-vignand.63]

Move to Europe dude.

[@stevendaniel8126]

Move to Europe......

[@LarryHubble-m3k]

The problem is, you are NOT very selective. I would NEVER allow a guy sit beside me on a first date. You just don't do that. And you just don't kiss spontaneously the first time you meet someone. It sounds like you are trying to live your life like a movie script instead of the way things really are. I want to get to know someone before I get to carried away or involved in them. I like time to take it's course. And I don't sleep with anyone the first time I meet them. Getting to know each other and just breaking the ice is a very nice first start. You are free, of course, to live your life as to how it suits you. But I have learned that you have to wade through a lot of trash to get to the good stuff. If you cut someone who is nice out of your life simply because they will not sit on the same side of the booth as you, or, you have to ask for a kiss because you think you deserve it, well, you know where I am going with this..... I've seen this record played over and over again, and each week it is a new song. I can easily tell you what your problem is, but this is one of those things you will have to learn for yourself, because if I told you, you would never believe me anyway.

[@johnconstable8512]

he's naive.

[@sweetaznspice1]

Truth!

[@paoloponessa]

It sounds to me like your date in Miami went well, but you expected it to end in bed and were disappointed by just getting to know someone at a healthy pace. I would not be comfortable sitting so closely to someone I barely know when we first meet. You sound like you don’t really know what you want and are accustomed to immediate sexual interaction, while hoping for romance. It doesn’t work that way. And making a generalization on European men after having some hook ups seems silly and reductive. I suggest you do some inner soul searching to understand what you’re truly looking for, and you don’t even need to travel to do that.

[@dalecooper9942]

Midrid? Mildrid?

[@michelleclerc3857]

Why are you plappering to complete strangers about your and other people’s inner experiences? The more you do that the less energy you will have left to put into newer and more profound encounters in the future. Enclose experiences into your heart, nurture their energy there, and allow only the gods to be your confidents. To humans you owe a full heart. All the rest is destruction of your energies and your soul.

[@MegaMayday16]

wow i think you are avoidant you talk about dating since 15 years.... and you always sepeak about dating and relation ship but you lack the ability to connect with someone to comprimise and to suffer. loving is passion and pain. i think you are not deep enough

[@markgillis6356]

Five minutes in and you still haven't begun talking about the stated topic. You just talked about yourself.

[@forceforceforce]

kinda funny and sweet subject