What if We’ve Misunderstood God’s Intent for Boundaries? | Lysa TerKeurst

Is it unloving, selfish or un-Christian to draw boundaries? Sometimes the whole process can feel unkind or even like we’re violating verses on how to treat others. But what if we’ve simply misunderstood God’s original intent in giving us this relational gift?
Lysa TerKeurst has wrestled with these hesitations. But she’s uncovered common misconceptions about boundaries and learned they are one of the most powerful, God-honoring tools we can use to protect our relationships.
In this teaching, Lysa walks through the first mention of boundaries in the Bible, three crucial words we need to embrace in order to understand God’s intent for boundaries, and more. Grab a pen and paper; you’ll want to take notes on this one!
Related Resources:
- What if all the emotional energy spent on saying “yes” to everyone else, walking on eggshells around people we love, and trying to manage delicate relational dynamics is bankrupting us of our capacity for living obediently to who God has asked us to be? If you’re ready to gain the biblical wisdom and confidence to finally set boundaries you can keep, let Lysa TerKeurst’s new book, “Good Boundaries and Goodbyes,” be your new go-to guide. Order here: www.p31bookstore.com/collecti...
- If you liked this video, check the new Therapy & Theology series with Lysa TerKeurst. Lysa has teamed up with her personal, licensed professional counselor, Jim Cress, and the Director of Theological Research at Proverbs 31 Ministries, Dr. Joel Muddamalle, to bring you a podcast to help you work through what you’ve walked through. Start listening today! • Therapy & Theology Pod...
#lysaterkeurst #boundaries #goodboundariesandgoodbyes #therapyandtheology

[@sandranovakovich688]

In God’s economy our pain is never wasted. Lysa’s pain is being used to help the women who are open to learning about boundaries. Our churches have failed us, ladies. In my experience responsibility is put on the women to make relationships better. Boundary setting is denied.

[@fayray9544]

Boundary conversations won’t work with a narcissist. I’ve been trying for 33 years. Hmmmm. Time for some serious boundaries

[@DJH97]

Right there with ya. Same situation here. They don’t listen and my ex came right out and said he didn’t believe in boundaries.

[@terraloft]

So hard! Praying in this moment for your knowing Presence and Protection and healing.

[@sherryclark8121]

Please see Kris Reece Ministries. She shows us Biblical Principles in what our part is in our responses to keep it in the proper perspective...

[@DJH97]

@@sherryclark8121 Yes. I’ve watched several of her videos. However she kind of has a pro doormat aura at times. I was that doormat for so long. It just makes things worse.

[@connie10000]

I have started using the phrase~"You Need To Get Over Yourself" to the narc or other unkind persons. Say calmly then walk away.

[@LOspiritual]

Too often folks weapon-izing, Boundaries. "Boundaries are not meant to shove others away. Boundaries are meant to help us to be self controlled. Boundaries are not about leaving people, boundaries are about loving people well, without losing the best of who we are. "A boundary should never be used to control or manipulate or punish someone. A boundary is not something we place on another person to try to force them to change. A boundary should never be used to shirk our responsibilities or as excuse to tap out on a difficult relationship. " :"There is a huge difference between a difficult relationship and a destructive relationship"

[@DST2003]

So funny. My little sister was just talking with me about how i need to do a better job of setting boundaries and here it is, 2 hours later, see this video on KZbin 🙌🏾

[@sherrymckinney2753]

I sure do wish I had realized long ago that setting reasonable boundaries actually IS a godly thing to do. I think Satan tries to dupe us into thinking we are unkind if we have them. (Satan wants to divide relationships and wants us to be burned out.) If we allow people to use or abuse us (regardless of their motivation), then we are enabling bad behavior and possibly sin. We are supposed to "speak the truth in love." Sometimes it goes well, sometimes it doesn't, but we are only responsible for ourselves -- not the reactions of others.

[@angelflower176]

This is actually such a vital topic. Even to have boundaries as a single christian with conversations online on Facebook messenger or instagram with the opposite sex or over serving at church. Or worst trying to change another christian..!

[@xelamom8]

Reduce the access we give, to meet the level of responsibility the other person demonstrates. It makes sense. But, Lysa, how does this apply to intimacy in marriage? I feel that physical intimacy should be a reflection of the spiritual and emotional intimacy between two people. What if one is incapable of being spiritually or emotionally intimate? What boundary should the other partner draw?

[@RM-qq5rj]

1 Corinthians 7

[@fabiennepdt4898]

That's the first real KZbin video I've ever watched dealing with boundaries. Many thanks for explaining it that clearly. Be blessed!

[@Saint.questions]

This woman has sense!

[@fayray9544]

Thank you Lysa. When you speak of boundaries/access/responsibilities it confirms a “suspicion” that I’ve had about “heaven”, really the new earth. It seems ver very likely that in eternity (also based on God rewarding us) there will be limited access for those who were barely faithful with what they were given. I cannot comprehend what God has in store. Yes everyone will be overwhelmed with joy but those who were faithful repeatedly over the small things will be ruler over much.

[@faithhopelove7286]

Thank you Lysa. Thank you.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thanks for watching, friend!

[@sharmacampbell6342]

Thankyou Lysa, that was so valuable, informative and so well delivered... 💗💐

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thanks for watching!

[@cindypoole9595]

Thank you for making this clear.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

We're so glad you enjoyed it!

[@sarahlantto8913]

Listening to this is so refreshing! 😊

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thanks for watching, Sarah!

[@Kiai808]

So good! Praise god and thank you for sharing these biblical teachings

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thanks for watching! We're glad you enjoyed it!

[@Parentingwiththefutureinmind]

This was soooo good. Thanks for sharing ❤

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

We're glad you enjoyed it!

[@ameliagagliardi482]

Thank You ❤

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thanks for watching!

[@kellyhiller3977]

So good! Ty

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thanks for watching, Kelly!

[@jennypstryker401]

Amen, & amen! I'm a Subscriber, now! Great words of truth, Lysa!

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thanks for watching!

[@glennavelilla156]

🔥🔥🔥

[@marcy7105]

Access, Responsibility, Consequences.. ARC..

[@jefftube58]

Misunderstanding a boundary that has been set won't be possible if the person making the boundary makes the terms crystal clear.

[@jenniferwyatt8945]

We must not make up our own boundaries for our relationships- when people decide to judge others it doesnt work

[@joynkindness]

Been saying it for years. Many use boundaries to abuse people they don't like. M arr

[@vaughn7130]

People use boundaries to abuse people they dont like?

[@lindamcadarra402]

How I wish I knew about boundaries, my life would have turned out so different. 😢

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

It's never too late to learn more about boundaries, Linda! Check out our website at proverbs31.org and search "boundaries" to find more helpful, free content related to this topic.

[@marcy7105]

Unattended anger turns to bitterness, and bitterness disorts you into a selfish, self-centered self protector who cares about no one but self.

[@annabanzon313]

I'm pretty bad at boundaries even in my marriage

[@DJH97]

I disagreee. Boundaries are for self preservation. Limiting access to people is putting a distance between us and them. That will be seen as pushing them away. Narcissistic people do not allow boundaries nor will they pay any attention to them.

[@robinsmith4499]

Boundaries in a narcissistic situation are not boundaries you set for the narcissist. Set boundaries for yourself. Boundaries I set to protect myself from a covert narcissistic individual… 1. I will never be alone with this individual. She verbally a abuse me. I will nicely walk away. 2. I will never share any information about anything. She abuses and or manipulates info. So I don’t feed it to her. It’s called Gray Stoning. I even hold a small stone in my hand when in her presence. Good reminder. She knows what I am doing. But it works. 3. When she is manipulating I don’t defend, speak, or play the game. Learn to say no, excuse myself, or have as little contact as possible. She married into our family so no contact is not possible. Normally I would have no contact. Self boundary’s for ME have been blessings. I survive with dignity, respect for me.

[@DJH97]

@@robinsmith4499 I have them in my family. After 50 years of them not paying any attention to boundaries I removed myself completely for my own emotional health. A shame I didn’t even know what was happening for 30 of those years.

[@creativechristiancontent]

@@DJH97 struggling with this, how did you remove yourself completely? Do you block them or just ignore calls texts etc…?

[@DJH97]

@@creativechristiancontent I’m so sorry. I struggled for years He made it easier by walking out after 26 years. I had started counseling and made that a boundary if he wanted to come home. I had begged for counseling for years. He wouldn’t go. So when he left he couldn’t come home until he got in it. It didn’t last though. As soon as he heard he needed to do some work he bailed on the counseling. I had a legal separation agreement written up because I own a business that he worked at. He signed it and I started looking for my own house. What the final straw was he was so secretive and kept secrets. Well. He knew that my son had an argument with his wife and took off and was out of state. He didn’t tell me about any of it and my son died. That is what pushed me to divorce. I had warned him many times that he was going to hide something from me one time and something bad was gonna happen. Of course he never listened to me. He hid so much from me during our decades together in never knew what was up. So in all it took me about 1 1/2 years to plan it all out because of finances and legal stuff but my sons death is what made me go for the divorce. He moved to FL. I live in PA. Our other son blocked him from contact. I didn’t but I ignore any texts for birthdays or Mother’s Day when he sends them. I just don’t respond. Him moving to FL was a God send.

[@DrPhilGoode]

Is it Christian to have boundaries? That’s like asking if it’s Christian to breathe. And why does it matter if boundaries are biblical or not? Boundaries are a necessity and an important building block for every mentally healthy human being. Boundaries in relationships and for psychological reasons are self imposed for our own protection.

[@reneela3471]

So greyrock is a form of manipulation? Communication should be in love loving manner instead of coming dull boring and non-responsive

[@DJH97]

That’s not what I learned in counseling. Grey rock was a way of interacting without going deep with people that cannot possibly go any further than weather and schedules.

[@letmework6254]

Renee La; greyrock is not a form of manipulation unless you want it to be and do it for that purpose: it’s usually done so the abuser loses interest and leaves us alone.

[@TableForOne1976]

@@letmework6254 Thank you for explaining it that way. As a survivor of emotional and verbal abuse, I often feel guilty about grey-rocking, even for my own well-being.

[@leonapietsch4367]

I Loved my Husband and did everything he wanted. Still didn’t stop him from having affairs. He cheated on me with married Women.

[@LoneStarLady-]

I’m so sorry this happened to you. Praying for your healing, Leona. Don’t let what you husband did take away your joy and please get godly counseling to help you heal (not a counselor who shifts blame to you or guilts you to stay in a marriage because that is what a “good Christian wife” would do).

[@kellyhiller3977]

💜

[@g.siporin4000]

You set a boundary and separated from someone. You got a divorce.

[@sandranovakovich688]

He was unfaithful over and over again. That is breaking the marriage contract, therefore the marriage was over.

[@g.siporin4000]

@@sandranovakovich688 therefore a need for a boundary

[@terichastain4179]

The boundary of being faithful is already established for marriage... in the Bible, & the bride and groom make a vow before God to live according to the Bible.. everyone attending the wedding is considered a witness to this covenant & the vows they make. Unfaithfulness is breaking the marriage covenant & the other is free.

[@WifeyMamaGrandma]

Yea she did the wise and biblical thing! He broke the marriage contract (or boundary!) and the consequence for adultery is often a divorce. If a couple chooses to work it out, good. If one doesn’t then the other must remove themselves.