What if you truly hate being gay? | Specialist sexuality coach advice

[@notdefining]

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[@Triumvirate888]

What if you hate being gay simply because of the evil involved? I've known so many gay people who were horrible, vile, loathsome, evil people. The suicide rate is off the charts. The drug addiction rates are off the charts. Almost every gay man I've ever met has been sexually abused. Nearly every lesbian I've known beats their partner or commits domestic violence against her. People often try to claim that this isn't because they are gay, but that seems to be a lie they tell themselves to avoid taking responsibility for the evil they do. And that doesn't even get into the problem of the fact that sexuality is de-humanizing you, by taking an infinitely complex person, and reducing them down to some kind of label or "identity" based on who they have sex with. If that "defines" a person, then maybe they aren't a person at all. Maybe that's why so many gay people act as if they have no soul or humanity. They've lost it, cast it aside for some identity that de-humanizes them and makes them into a category, rather than a person. I don't see how a decent person can identify as "gay" or "LGBT". Why would anybody do that? Straight people don't go around identifying as "straight", they're just people, not categories. But what do I know. I'm nobody, just some random person on the internet. Don't mind me.

[@matthewchlebda3181]

It's SO HARD for anyone first realizing they're queer, bi, pan, fluid, gay or anywhere else on the LGBT+ spectrum. I remember how hard it was for me as a young boy realizing I was not just attracted to girls, suppressed a lot for so long. This is only my third year being fully out as a bi guy, and I don't care what people think, but boy, did I put too much value on other's opinions, which made it so hard to come out. I am sorry for anyone who is dealing with psychological hurt or pain with this, you are SO seen, heard and loved!

[@steveorr94]

Wow thank you so much. I really relate and appreciate your comments, as I am feeling the pain

[@PokhrajRoy.]

I’ve always seen it as others making me guilty of being myself and hating myself for it. At my core, I was very happy about who I am.

[@toms5996]

I see you commenting in most youtube channels I follow😆 It's cool since you always come across as an intelligent guy and a guy who is also very much present in the current gay culture and who always comes with various points of view. (I especially like your commentary on booktube.)

[@PokhrajRoy.]

@@toms5996Ok that’s so sweet. Thank you so much!

[@toms5996]

@@PokhrajRoy. ❤🇫🇮

[@notdefining]

Loving this chat. PokhrajRoy is my #1 follower. Most beloved and special.

[@jamesnovotny8643]

I dont hate being gay, I just wish I could find my place in the oversexualized community. I went from feeling like I didn't belong in the straight world to not feeling like I belong in the gay one due to having such different morals and values than what is common. I was raised in the 'it gets better' era and unfortunately we're 16 years into adulthood and still haven't felt like I've made it there yet which sucks. I'm one of the few queer people who actually enjoyed their high school years and living in suburbia and would go back in a heartbeat just to feel connected to something again.

[@caleblegacy2303]

I'm in essentially same boat as you. I just don't share what ever that gay hive mind is where everyone has sex right away and value you only on your sexual offerings and nothing else about who you are.

[@kaseyford1490]

I came out to myself as Aromantic about 3 years ago but didn't really want to join the 'Pride people'. I then discovered I was Asexual and 'officially' came out to family and friends as Aroace about a year and a half later and now I'm so happy to be here 😊🏳️‍🌈

[@johanvanderwesthuizen5292]

You are love by lots of people who don't even know you Love yourself and things work out itself . Don't forget you are doing well I am being gay for 6o years and still going strong . People of different walks of life like you or not like you . Life your life to the fullest ❤❤❤❤

[@apocalypse12345]

I used to hate being LGBT . I used to pray and ask god to make me normal . Now I totally accept myself but still got some internal homophobia but not like before.

[@notdefining]

Hey thanks so much for sharing your story. I’m so pleased you totally accept yourself. It can be hard but you did it.

[@apocalypse12345]

@@notdefining شكرا

[@notdefining]

@@apocalypse12345 عفواً صديقي. معرفتش إنك كلمت عربي ❤️❤️❤️

[@apocalypse12345]

@@notdefining اتكلم عربي واعيش بالمغرب تحياتي . لكرمكم

[@notdefining]

@@apocalypse12345 هاي جميل فرصة سعيدة حبيبي. بلد جميل. اهلاً وسهلاً في "من غير تعريف" 😍

[@PokhrajRoy.]

Ok but I saw a tweet on this topic and then this video dropped. Wow what timing!

[@notdefining]

Alignment 🩷🔥🙏🏽

[@elaiws4834]

Being gay is such a lonely and depressing experience Never having a boyfriend or a real relationship. No friends whatsoever. Just downloading the occasional dating app and endless scrolling until you find someone you find cute. And Eventually I’d hook up with him but that’s the closest I can get to having a connection with a guy. Feeling insecure going on Instagram seeing the gays that look like Greek gods and have it all. Kind of random post here but I just needed to vent.

[@notdefining]

You are always welcome to vent here. I hear you and feel every word. I know it can be so tough. Sending so much love to you. ❤️

[@naahfam]

I never understood why people pressure others to announce their sexuality. Why is it so important for them to announce it? And to whom? You?? Why would they choose you as the first person to tell when they probably don’t even like you like that (as a person, let alone a crush). It clearly has nothing to do with the person whose sexuality is in question and everything with the fact that they want cool points for having the latest “gossip.”

[@notdefining]

Absolutely. Well said.

[@carlorizzo827]

ThankU! Like how you explain. My resistance to self acceptance is astonishing. I hate being bi. We have 2 stigmas. Of being homo. But then in gay environments there's considerable hostility to bi. It would be easier to be monosexual. It would be easier to be asexual. I have no idea what's easier....

[@notdefining]

Hey thanks for saying. I hear you and feel you completely. You’re not alone. It’s okay to feel resistance. You’re doing great. Keep going.

[@panthersworld5587]

My last semester of high school I've actually made a classmate that was gay I heard this back story about it not much acceptance from the family live mostly with his dad he was never afraid to express his homosexuality but this year I've been talking less and less to him keeps on associating with my ex pretty much nearly out of my life at this point

[@notdefining]

Hey thanks for sharing I appreciate it

[@fraggedlocust]

8:00 I've been identifying with bisexual because after looking through my past experimentation and its seeming to continue to later on in my life - I definitely have some capability of same-sex attraction. However I'm also not really engaged or feel like I relate to the community at large or feel specifically attracted to same-sex people in my day-to-day life which causes me to start questioning again. Most likely still dealing with some internalized homophobia, but I can't deny that I don't really care about gender either.

[@JJ_TheGreat]

7:04 What about us having the fear of anyone else finding out that we are anything other than straight? And also, from a mental health standpoint, belittling our self-esteem for ourself - and thinking that we are worthless?…

[@michaeljohndennis2231]

I know that a lot of traditional (Pre-Vatican II) Catholics in particular see homosexuality as being incompatible with their faith and they even regard the homosexual orientation as being mortally sinful, nor even discussing “occasions of mortal sin” even if not acted upon - anytime the topic is brought up, people are told to “grow up” and to do “penance” to “cure” the orientation - some traditional Catholic parents whose children come out as gay to them see their child as being under demonic possession and they approach their parish priest for an Excorism

[@serunaitoni2388]

I hate hate hate!!! Being this way and every other straight guy out their is jst a walking reminder of everything that is wrong with my life. If u ask me wud u be straight for a day hell in a heart beat! if it means to minimize the level of persecution i had to go through all those years. Traumatizing!!!

[@notdefining]

I hear you. Thank you for expressing this. I really felt what you’re going though.

[@toms5996]

I think I might be an outlier(?) since I've never cared. I was happily living in the Uni in a family unit with my then partner. My attitude has continued to this day. Being open in the workplace and everywhere. Perhaps I'm somewhat 'straight-passing'(?) But I've never cared. Granted I do acknoledge that being in the Nordics might have helped me somewhat - but I've lived openly in Utah, Germany and Lithuania as well. Edit: I might've come across obstacles and 'silent' homophobia. I only cared about it once - when a visiting colleague from an Eastern European country laughed at my face when at company dinner I was telling about my fishing pursuits. It didn't affect me but it was such a poignant moment since it showed me that homophobic weirdos exist in this world.

[@notdefining]

Hey thanks so much for sharing

[@wareforcoin5780]

I love being bi, but I'd like to know how to comfort someone else if they feel that way. My circle of LGBT+ friends grows, and I don't know what I'd say if they confessed hating not being straight.

[@chetyoubetya8565]

It's not the gay part I hate it's the way you are treated for most of your childhood and adult life.

[@TheTorturedRaven]

I'm a bi guy and I have some of it too

[@RicardoOlivares-k4w]

Yes its a total disaster. A degraded experience of life. No direction. The object of existence is taken away and there's nothing left.

[@akirahimurakinakiyama99]

I don’t hate myself for being gay. I consider myself lucky honestly being close to men is the best thing I could ever do as a guy in my position, and I see value and beauty in men

[@jummyran]

@@akirahimurakinakiyama99 it’s sad females don’t lol their all bi

[@izach28]

@@jummyranfamiliar should like familiar

[@carinagomezfernandez7473]

I am a transman who is also gay. Before I realised all of this I lived as a gay woman. These feelings are so complicated and hard to accept.

[@moh8809]

I’m gay🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

[@Aroundhere185]

Oppression is bad. Just the thought can hurt you. I used to think I was gay, than bi, than once I stopped caring I found I was straight as an arrow. I had family members that were so homophobiclly abusive that the thought of even being remotely queen of any kind was frightful and caused anxiety. I couldn't imagine if I had actually been bi or gay what it would been like around those people.