What Is An Autistic Meltdown?

What is an autistic meltdown? In this video I talk about
- The difference between an autistic meltdown and a tantrum.
- What causes autistic meltdowns.
- What do autistic meltdowns look like.
- How to prevent meltdowns.
-What to do when someone is in meltdown.
-What to do when you are in meltdown.
Related topics:
Do you have sensory overload - • Do You Have Sensory Ov...
Autism and sensory processing - • AUTISM AND SENSORY PRO...
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A little bit about me:
Hi I'm Purple Ella and my family is an autism family with three out of five of us on the autistic spectrum. I also have a connective tissue disorder (hypermobile Ehlers-danlos syndrome). So life can be a challenge but also a lot of fun.
Helpful links
The National Autistic Society - autism.org.uk
Hypermobility Syndromes Association - hypermobility.org

[@maryeckel9682]

And there's nothing more poisonous than being told you're being manipulative when you're shattering into pieces and feel like you're losing your mind.

[@seanmcguire8474]

What one of my roommates has done to me and it got so bad that they try to kill myself because of it

[@kathleenmaryparker8662]

Especially when you are told by school Child Study Team psychologists - even though they tested me at a socioemotional age of 11 at age 17 - exactly what you would expect for an autistic ....

[@cloverbird5785]

But she IS dammit. My 8 year old will flip out and act like a total whacked out mess crying and flipping out and screaming and then her brother says something to her and she just says 'what?' like nothing is happening.

[@alexfennecfox5985]

@@cloverbird5785 she’s just trying to relieve stress! You are a terrible parent.

[@cloverbird5785]

@@alexfennecfox5985 then you try parenting her and tell me how easy it is when any time you make a simple request you get a giant fake tantrum.

[@melaniewantsabeer243]

Last real bad meltdown was at an airport. Worst thing was this man looking at me in horror and made me feel worse. He didn't understand. To him I was a grown women overreacting over a flight cancel. Finally there was this young girl and she sat as I rocked and cried. She whispered my brother has autism. I'm going to just sit here with you. We need more of these people.

[@roadofblue2.074]

My worst meltdown was back in school a few years ago before I was diagnosed my gym teacher refused to believe I had a learning disability he enjoyed humiliating me and went out of his way to hurt me one day I couldn't take anymore i had a massive meltdown in the bathroom when I eventually left a girl in my class saw what happened she comforted me and calmed me down thanks to her help i made it through that day.

[@dabordietrying]

that honestly warms my heart. (the last part) we do need more of those people.

[@Giubarchetta]

I had one at an airport recently too, I'm glad you had someone supportive with you

[@mariedevine8102]

Aww yes we do need more people like the person who helped you

[@luisafmendoza360]

I totally understand how you felt . I had the same experience over a flight canceled 😞

[@YoSamdySam]

This is so good. I don't have meltdowns very frequently but when I do I spend most of my energy desperately trying to control myself. Then I'm wiped out for days.

[@lwentz5510]

I worry a lot about causing grief and annoyance to my wife. Yeah, trying to "control" the melting process is itself extremely stressful. Just a HUGE tangled knot of emotions that I cannot identify, cannot describe (other than a HUGE tangled knot of "stuff") and cannot escape. I HATE them! Ugh...

[@alifmuhammadchicago]

@Matt Lock Nope. First, she's British, and she lives in the Netherlands where citizens invest in each other's wellbeing instead of letting them suffer in stigma. Second, parents don't know what neurological issues they will have, so unless we want the government to take people's kids away from them just because they cried for few days, I think we probably should let social programs keep our citizens stable. 😉 Also, grandparents are a thing. And she's married. So... yeah.

[@bvfckyou]

slash WEEKS

[@bvfckyou]

fyi thanks for your channel! life changing for me especially because we look alike for some reason lol

[@1234kingconan]

Relatable :/

[@silverdoe9477]

I hardly have them anymore, but so was stressed out & had a meltdown at a train station at age 30, when the only train home before Christmas was cancelled. I stood there with my guinea pigs & no solution. But a young girl walked up to me & gave me an orange, she said “I see you’re hurting, I hope you’ll feel better soon” & gave me a hug. I found someone who helped drive me to another train station with seats left.

[@LittleKikuyu]

Omg, imagining you and your piggies is so heartbreaking 💔 I’m so glad the story ended so beautifully 🙏❤️

[@v3ru586]

The worst about my meltdowns is that my parents "knew" they were tantrums. I was tested for autism when I started school, it was ruled out as my symptoms aren't severe enough. So each time I did have a meltdown, I got asked repeatedly for the reason, when I couldn't come up with anything but the trigger I got called out for overreacting and I've been told to just grow up. I have younger siblings, I shouldn't cry over minor things. I got a preliminary diagnosis when I wanted to get my adhd treated, now I'm working on finding an autism expert, able to handle me being female, adult, multilingual, independent and whatnot.

[@jaakkojauho5211]

my mom laughed at me when i was having meltdowns as a kid because she thought i was having a tantrums. It really left a scar and im still so afraid of people laughing at my feelings

[@a_little_demon]

I'm so sorry, please know and remember what I'm gonna say to you : you didn't deserve to be treated like this. if you feel guilty, let me tell you that the only ones who should feel guilty are the ones who mocked and laughed at you. you're an amazing human being and people who says the opposite are stupid. you are loved. a lot of people out there loves you, supports you and understands you no matter what. now, keep on shining like the beautiful star you are !

[@SimonFrewin-kl5ms]

I know she is your mum but as a brutality honest man II am telling you that she is a very bad mother and should be ashamed of herself! As she knew full well about your diagnosis! And a a patriot for the mentally sick and disabled! HOW DARE SHE!

[@SupposedQueer]

I literally cried while watching this video. The fact that this stranger is so supportive, is able to hit things so close to home with my emotions, and the fact that my family has never bothered to research this at all and instead villainizes me for my meltdowns is insane. Not even a week ago, I had a particularly bad meltdown. I was frozen in shock, couldn’t stand, and all I could do was hyperventilate and cry while I pretty much just drooled all over myself. My family completely ignored this until people started staring. They dragged me out to the car, gave me some napkins, and left me there on my own while they finished eating (we were in a restaurant by the way). They never bothered to comfort me. They saw my agitation prior to the meltdown as me “being a brat”. They even made me apologize once we got home for having a meltdown and having a bad tone while talking to my mom. I wish I had parents that were more like you.

[@raindropsonroses3919]

I got diagnosed when I was 17, so as a kid my parents assumed that I was a “bad kid” who had tantrums. Relatives would suggest that they use “spanking” or other forms of corporal punishment to stop the tantrums. This did nothing for me and honestly I think my meltdowns in adulthood have been worse as a result

[@kathleenmaryparker8662]

I , like many children, developed the same psychological problems from spanking that are seen in sexually abused children… no one should ever spank a child - if the victim was 18, it would be a case of sexual battery - why the laws are different for children is beyond me …

[@liesdamnlies3372]

I got the same treatment, and I can’t even bring up the damage it did to me and is still doing to be in my family’s presence. When I’m shutting down, or even having a meltdown inside, quietly, they demand I sit still, stop making repetitive motions, make eye contact, and so on. Honestly I don’t know how I haven’t thrown an entire table at them yet; I don’t want to hurt anyone or be destructive but my god, the rage simmering underneath at being prevented from using any outlet or getting away from the situation…eugh.

[@dianeibsen5994]

@@liesdamnlies3372 I under stand the rage. Vacillate between anger rage frustration.

[@robokill387]

@Matt Lock you're terrible if you do that to an autistic child, they genuinely are in distress, treatment like this is why so many autistic people have ptsd.

[@sarayoung9395]

@Matt Lock And back in the day, the same happened with wives. Children are not lesser beings they should never be hit, much less with objects. Gross.

[@MiroslavHundak]

I once threw a game controller at a desk and it accidentally bounced and broke my monitor. Since then I had learned to: a) not throw expensive things at very expensive things b) when all else fails, try to at least aim better

[@CrumbsDM]

Lol 🙂

[@sable4492]

I keep my hands empty if I'm feeling it coming. I will put anything breakable or harmful aside.

[@a.534]

I had to throw my blanket over my monitor when I was gaming at night or else my father would see the light coming from my room Once took it away, pulled the monitor with it, fell down and broke From there on I've just dimmed the light instead

[@AYouTubeChannelwithNoName]

Is this a joke??

[@merleugeen]

😁

[@Giubarchetta]

Thank you so much, Ella. Especially for the double reminder of not beating yourself up. I had a meltdown at my sisters wedding this weekend and there was no one in my whole family who supported me (in fact I was yelled at). This information is necessary and it saves lives.

[@Alien_at_Large]

Last time I had a meltdown, I kicked the recycling bin all over the house and then went on the back porch and cried. My wonderful sons kindly picked up all the recycling.

[@butterflygirl8870]

My meltdowns start with my voice getting louder and louder until I’m screaming. During the meltdown I scream, swear and throw and slam things. I lose control completely. I sometimes pull my hair out too. The worst thing you can do is touch me. When the meltdown starts slowing down I cry and cry. I’ve had them all my life and I’m turning 49 this month. My family referred to them as my “dramas” when I was growing up. They never understood that I had no control over the “dramas”. I was only diagnosed earlier this year, and while I am so saddened to know that I could have got help as a child had I been diagnosed earlier, I can at least now show grace to myself.

[@andgate2000]

Yep...the screaming and swearing...its hard to regather trust from others once u yell at them.

[@Tech-cy9yo]

Before I couldn’t even get into non heated argument without a meltdown lmao... The tears were so embarrassing

[@delilahhart4398]

I often feel exhausted after a meltdown and sometimes have to rest or sleep. Does anyone else?

[@lozj2900]

I’ve had both and can tell in some ways. Meltdowns occur for me with sensory overload as well.. I never get teary on an anxiety attack. I’ve lashed out and/ stimmed.

[@Mistyiplier]

Yup

[@angelagarcia7093]

Yes

[@anabelle1508]

Yes, meltdowns are really exhausting.

[@rozalinenelhams8307]

yep have to do that to.

[@luigifan4393]

It’s nice that multiple people share some experiences, so that I am not alone with this.

[@archiecook55]

I don't break things or hit myself or anything like that, I just shut down and cry when I get overwhelmed. I'm definitely better at controlling my emotions now than I was as a kid so it doesn't happen nearly as often anymore, but every once in a while it still happens. Most recently I broke down yesterday at my dentist appointment. I usually handle them ok, even though I don't like them, but this time was just particularly stressful for me because of the way my hygienist was talking to me. It's funny to think there was once a point when I rejected the idea that I'm autistic even after being told so by my mom as a teenager. The more I learn about it, the more various aspects of my life start to make more sense.

[@whimsii-7173]

Yeah I don’t like hitting things or myself in school since people would think I’m over dramatic or looking for attention lol

[@Mistyiplier]

Relatable! I was so confused why my mum told me I had autism when I was like 13 or 14, I hated that, but now because of this video! I needed this video! Afew days ago! I had a meltdown and my mother didn’t understand and said some not nice stuff

[@YautjaSpacePirate]

Mine happens more internally. We usually outgrow it as we get older. But I still feel it as times.

[@JadeAislin]

I also don't throw things. I rarely get angry. but I do tend to shut down and sometimes cry. It's funny, I couldn't cry when my brother died (and my mom's horrifying scream is one of the worst events in my life. Even being told by the fireman that sh was gone doesn't compare to when we were told in the middle of the night the My brother was gone. So, I was unable to cry when learning of my families' deaths, but I started crying when phone was stolen.

[@JadeAislin]

@@coloringbunnies1273 I had something similar happen at my dermatologist. My old one had left and I was transferred to someone else. I made the appointment to get a refresh of the Humira I had been on for few years. At the appointment , the nurse assistant brought me back to a room then left. When the assistant came back she said the provider refused to see me because I was taking a pill for my arthritis and the assistant said the provider said she would prescribe the Humira to someone taking the other prescription. Then the assistant told that being prescribed Humira didn't need a skin check every six months. So either my old dermatologist was lying about being more sensitive to the sun so my skin had to be checked every few months Or the nurse assistant of the new provider's assistant told me lies. I now refuse to go to that dermatologist office.

[@raniwasacyborg]

I had a meltdown just this Sunday, and somewhat embarrassingly I burst into a bit of unexpected tears at “don’t beat yourself up, you didn’t ask for this or cause the meltdown” 😅 I needed to hear that more than I realised! (Two days later and I’m still feeling wiped out from it btw!)

[@ulthea]

I didn't realise my "moodiness" and "overreactions" weren't normal, as in that they weren't something every person experienced. For years I thought it was a normal female trait, but around the mid 20s I learned that this wasn't the case. Seeing obvious differences in my second child led me to information on ADHD, where I realised I could most relate. However I was around 35 before I managed to get a diagnosis which, in our public health system requires me to be very well informed and somewhat assist my psychologist with the relevant information. I provided this in the form of school reports I managed to find and a very long letter detailing anything relevant in my life I could think of. My third child, a son, was diagnosed with ASD in kindergarden, high functioning but very obvious apparently. I began to learn more about it and again that overly familiar pang of knowing hit me. Being logic and science minded I struggled with the subjectivity of it all, and to this day (now 40) I have not received a formal assessment. Not only does it take months to get into a professional, but there seems to be only one in my city that doesn't charge a fee. I've now been stuck in what I consider a severely deep depression and don't see how I can overcome it. I believe my partner may also be undiagnosed ASD, and have found we tend to set each other off with our meltdowns to the point where we're seemingly stuck in a vicious cycle. My middle daughter has been really struggling for the last few years but I'm not able to help myself let alone be consistent with offering support, because the second I enter meltdown mode it seems to overwrite everything else and I may need a day or two to recover. At that point it seems inevitably another scenario triggers meltdown and it's now been around 2 years I've been stock in this cycle. My self worth is absent thought I'm a naturally optimistic person and able to bounce back quickly once my meltdown feels appropriately addressed. I am struggling to control impending Doom and finding reasons I should be alive. I've seriously considering fostering my kids because this had significant impact on their own mental health. And the worst thing is I can reason perfectly to myself about how and why this is, I can acknowledge now that despite having no control of these meltdowns I can at least understand and explain them. I feel less of a shit person knowing that at least I'm able to cry every day about how shit I am, which has got to mean something about my intentions? But every day that passes I feel less hope that I will be able to master myself despite being deeply thoughtful, open and honest to myself about the areas requiring change. I need a job but cannot get past the cover letter stage. I finally let one go that I was still not happy with and received job interviews, but failed to complete a pre recorded video interview in time due to struggling my entire life with being photographed, especially if I have to view it or hear myself. I hate myself, yet I am very clear on the things I'm good at. I don't have the balls to call and talk to anyone, and avoid meaningful relationships with family or friends because I'm always worried about annoying them or disturbing them. And especially that I know I'm not consistent in my ability to catch up with others due to regular meltdowns and severe feelings of inadequacy. I need help but there isn't any. I would have ended my life long ago of not for my kids, and I'm now barely hanging on. I want help, but there doesn't seem to be any. Thanks for sharing, I need to watch more and find something to cling to. I need to be better.

[@Sarah-by3fb]

I hope you are doing better - it sounds like you're going through a lot of very hard things & have intense, difficult emotional reactions to them. Realizing that your not overreacting, just reacting is a good step! If you are still worried about your children, try talking to them & ask what they think about being fostered.

[@seededstories]

This sounds like me exactly, where i am. Two years and I can't break the cycle and I feel hopeless to help my children. I don't know what the answer is, no one, therapists, doctors, seem to get it. Truly get it

[@ulthea]

@@Sarah-by3fb thanks so much, appreciate your comments :)

[@ulthea]

@@seededstories I'm sorry you're having a similar experience. It's hard because it isn't anyones fault, and I take some solace in the fact that humans have been dealing alone with their troubles for most of our history. But frustrating to see so many amazing scientific advances that we take for granted given the lack of funding and progress in neurological wellness. Labels are great but we need our individual imbalances addressed in the same way that other physical medical conditions are. With mental health disorders being a significant factor in almost every negative societal statistic (violence, drug use, homelessness etc), you would think better understanding and prioritising solutions would be a no brainer for most governments. I hope you are able to stay strong and love yourself despite your bad days. I try to remind myself that I don't owe the world anything nor do I have to meet unrealistically set standards. Keep trying to find my own way that causes the least amount of hurt to others, and remember to let my inner child out to play. Good luck my friend 🌈

[@cricketj467]

@@ulthea you think you are?

[@teresabourns8838]

Thank you for this video, Ella. There seems to be a terrible misconception that as adults, we can/should become "less" autistic, as if that were possible. As a result, meltdowns are often ridiculed and criticized, and we may be shunned or shamed over them. Just this week, I had a rather troubling experience during a visit with my doctor. Appointments are one of my biggest triggers, so it was no surprise that I had a meltdown during the visit. It consisted of me speaking breathlessly at an elevated volume and crying, along with exhibiting a few stimming behaviors. It was far from one of my more severe meltdowns, but nevertheless, my doctor reacted by becoming angry. He said that since I had not found out that I am autistic until recently (at age 40), my autism should therefore be mild (which it is not), and he said I should be able to stop or control my meltdowns. Instead of treating my dangerously high blood pressure, irritated by my meltdown, he left and did not return, refusing me medical treatment. This sort of thing should never happen due to the archaic beliefs of a poorly informed practitioner, but, unfortunately, it did. This video helps me to better understand my own behavior and provides excellent tips for coping with meltdowns as well as anticipating and averting them. It also brings me consolation by allowing me to feel less alone in the world -- knowing many others experience meltdowns, too. And equally important, it provides me with a link I can give to my loved ones so that they can watch, too, and hopefully develop methods for providing support. Thank you again for making this awesome video.

[@kristadunkers2294]

I'm so sorry that happened, I hope you're feeling even a little better now.

[@teresabourns8838]

@@kristadunkers2294 Thanks so much.

[@gracecowden9819]

Please get a new doctor

[@lozj2900]

I know this is 6 months ago. I hope you were able to complain and find a new doctor?? I was pushed into picking a sick note from a surgery by the doctor- even though I kept saying I’d already had a meltdown there.. they don’t listen!

[@maryeckel9682]

That's malpractice. Report.

[@wisecoconut5]

I had a meltdown today. The first one in over a year and the first I have had since recognizing I may be on the spectrum. Watching this video has been really helpful. Today during my meltdown I noticed exactly what Ella said I didn't want to talk or be touched. Both made me feel guilty at the time but now, it just makes sense. Thanks Ella!

[@nicolette1598]

Take a test at least: so many ppl want to be autistic these days not knowing what it is. Meltdowns have little to do with autism and are usually brought on by change. Autism is a lot more than simply…meltdowns. Mark zuckerberg is autistic and I highly doubt he has nonstop meltdowns

[@bethgreen3926]

This was fantastic Ella I didn’t realise threat my circular thinking could be a meltdown or the start of one 👍🏻

[@theluckyegg3613]

endless loop.....I feel you

[@ulthea]

@@theluckyegg3613 you just said in a few words what I tried to say in many. Like life is a conveyer belt filled with items to prioritise, but so many coming at once that most end up falling off at the end and now there's a mountain of undone things that seem impossible to pick up and allocate. I can't fathom how others manage to catch all those things, and doubt I ever will. At the bottom of the pile is a relic of the good mum and friend and person I was before the conveyer belt started carrying too many things. I hope there's help, I hope you both find it too xx

[@robynheff3424]

Om.g I have a hard time w circular or obsessive thinking, fear based. I have a hard time getting out of it.

[@wdlovesthee736]

@@robynheff3424 i too have struggled with this. i started utilizing a funny interupt-er word - for me its "pockets". i say pockets out loud or in my head. my brain stops & says 'wait...why pockets?' & then i laugh & can move on to other topics of interest that feel better to think about. i really love pockets & they have no negative stories with it. the word is fun to say & sometimes i will start rhyming with it. pockets rockets don't stop & lock it, i get silly. & then i have stopped the flow for a moment. & it works for a minute. its a brain trick. i don't know if it will help you, tho i certainly hope so! best of luck !

[@Susan-tr9rh]

I have been known to shout, swear and throw things in meltdown - it is a relief to know that it is not just me. Thank you for sharing and the strategies that you have developed. I shall use this video to educate my neurotypical family and I hope they will realise that it is not just 'appalling behaviour' on my part but a result of me being in extreme overload, experiencing enormous anounts of stress and is not something that I have control over. Thank you for this.

[@sarahcarry4037]

When I’m in meltdown or “overload” as I call it, the one constant is always a sense of confusion and an overwhelming feeling of I DONT UNDERSTAND! It awful.

[@koszek18q18]

Managing stressors was really easy peasy for me and I went through the first years of adulthood with only a few meltdowns (mostly caused by school, relationships or family stuff), but since I have children I experience meltdowns pretty often, because it's usually not possible to escape the stressful environment for me since I need to be with my baby and toddler 100% of the time. It usually happens to me when it's their bedtime and for some reason they don't want to fall asleep as they usually do. This means: I don't get my unwind time I was waiting for the whole day. After a long, stressful day it's mostly the last trigger that makes me explode. I always feel so bad afterwards, but I am looking up autism and see lots of very interesting links. It would be so comforting if I ever get a diagnosis, because sometimes I feel like I'm a freak... Thanks for the video!

[@belenisabelbarnausmendez8104]

Would it be possible for you to have some assistance in the middle of the day so you can decompress for a couple of hours?

[@LordSamuelJ]

I have had several meltdowns at work and I can't believe that I haven't been fired yet. I am sure its because I am the only one able to fix the robots when they malfunction

[@rabbitbunny136]

I used to walk away so many times from high school. I had a meltdown almost every day and nobody on the school understood me. The students hated me and were always angry at me, thinking I did it on purpose and they scolded me saying I had to ''act normal''. Luckily my parents understood it more and I then went to a special education. Nowadays, I still suffer from many consequences this school caused. Delusions, paranoia, social anxiety, possible bipolar mood swings, and more.

[@claudiaavila5245]

You have no idea how much your videos are helping me. My son has severe stimming and non verbal. I was becoming a super cop and will now stop. I feel terrible. Thank you

[@calebbrasher7928]

I have autism and I know how to control my meltdowns when it comes. I learned how to control my anger when I was 22. But I can’t control it around much people. I go for a walk, workout or just think of what’s causing it.

[@grassgeese3916]

I've been wondering for weeks, and now I know for sure for sure for sure, I'm autistic. Fucked up, I always thought I was just bad at controlling myself.

[@angelagarcia7093]

Exactly the same, now I need a diagnosis noone is going to give me cause I am an adult woman and I look normal or something

[@oaschbeidl]

Holy shit. That first bit comparing meltdowns to tantrums hit hard. I never understood why people wouldn't help me as a kid when I was so very clearly in major distress. They acted like I was doing it on purpose which of course just sent me further down into chaos. This video just put things in perspective. I still think it's fucked up that nobody ever caught on though (I'm 28 and have just found out I'm probably on the spectrum, specifically in the asperger's section - no official diagnosis, but I tick most boxes and can relate to most of the common experiences and the online tests all put me in the "probably autistic" or "almost certainly autistic" range)

[@butterflygirl8870]

People thought I was doing it on purpose too when I was a child, and I was ignored, punished and shamed for my meltdowns.

[@peterwynn2169]

I remember I had a meltdown two and a half years ago and these were the circumstances. My father had to unexpectedly go into hospital with a skin infection (he's diabetic) and I was at home with my mother, who is challenging. My brother came over and my mother wanted him to take my father's regular medication to him (as my brother gets on better with my mother than I do, it would have been more logical to say, "Okay, you wait at home with Mum and I'll take Dad's medication up to him," but my mother insisted the opposite) so I went to find Dad's medications. My mother was unhelpful, so I had to make a list of the medications (my way is, 1) make a list of the medications, 2) take a card each, 3) check them off on the list and put into a bag. My mother kept on talking while I was trying to concentrate, and then had the temerity to suggest that my meltdowns were rubbish. THAT was the trigger and I lost it with her! I had another in a doctor's waiting room when I was 12, following a stressful day at school, and we had an appointment to see a doctor who I thought was okay (there were three doctors there (one or two in the afternoon) and I had specifically asked her not to make me see one doctor (doctors are human, some you'll connect with, some you won't) and my preferred doctor was running a little behind schedule, and the receptionist, to my annoyance, asked MY MOTHER if we'd like to see the doctor I'd specifically asked her not to to make me see, and she unhesitatingly said yes! Needless to say, I left that doctor when I was legally old enough.

[@devotedmaggot6511]

I literally laugh, cry, laugh, cry, laugh, cry, anger, cry, laugh, panic, cry, laugh, sleep.

[@stovepipe9er]

Thank you! This could explain a lot about why I get overwhelmed and melt down when people talk too much. Same thing in math class.

[@sabinemarianneangelikaboss8307]

Ella ... absolutely brilliant and so helpful. Our teenage daughter was recently diagnosed with ASD and she is suffering particularly with enormous meltdowns and us parents and her brother felt so helpless. Now we are getting great help and learning how to help her and how to deal with these situations. Your video is extremely helpful. Thank you so much. 💝

[@cricketj467]

they are sensory meltdown?

[@SandraLemenaite]

I just got my diagnosis not too long ago. I’m watching this because I’m having a meltdown. And I kept punching the back of my neck. And then to hear you say “hitting yourself” is one of the symptoms … wow :( I’ve been doing this secretly all my life.

[@soulTraveller144]

Its horrible i get so scared as ive hit my own head so many times. I was diagnosed with bpd but now i realise its probably not correct and waiting for tests

[@surlespasdondine]

@@soulTraveller144 I do that as well! I thought I was the only person who does that.🥺

[@cindya9572]

I had a meltdown last Monday. I realized I had forgotten to put on my watch, while driving to an appointment with my counselor. I always have to wear my watch so that already was stressing me. When I got to the office I could hear voices from inside so she was with someone. I stood out in the hallway with my back hurting, not knowing what time it was, and panicking and stimming. Then from somewhere came this loud crash that scared me and I started yelling and crying. That brought out my councilor and another person who led me to a room with a couch where I could be in a quiet pace and comfortable. When I was a little better my counselor led me to her office but I still couldn't communicate for a while and just sat stimming. I've been feeling wiped out ever since. I have had them all my life and sometimes throw things. One time I threw my glasses against the wall. I'm only being treated for depression and anxiety and am a self-diagnosed autistic. I'm considering talking to my counselor about seeking a real diagnosis. This video really helps me to understand myself.

[@crumblebreadpie2933]

I don’t think I’m autistic but I did have awful meltdowns when I was little. (Even had one recently) When I was little I would get so upset about either being yelled at or multiple people talking at once or being forced to wear a scratchy outfit. I couldn’t stop crying even if I wasn’t made to wear the outfit or if the argument was over. People talking all at once felt like nails on a chalkboard and made me very irritated. I still get super stressed and upset when people talk too loud or the tv is on and someone is talking. I get so irrationally angry! in my meltdown recently I punched a drawer and started screaming. I didn’t even feel as if I had a choice or that I was in control. I felt like I was watching myself explode and was helpless. It scared my mom really bad :(

[@dabordietrying]

it could be possible you have autism. i didnt think i was autistic for the longest time but ive realized a lot of stuff about myself and things that i thought i did or didnt do but actually did the opposite if that makes sense?

[@DavideStiff]

Totally autistic

[@fungustheclown666]

I acted and still act very similarly to this and I think that I could be autistic. I was diagnosed with severe anxiety as a child, and am having a hard time determining if the meltdowns I had were because of my bad situation at home or because I have some underlying cause.

[@cindyh303]

@@fungustheclown666 same here ☹️

[@nicolette1598]

That I believe…is called being a kid 😉

[@barbarradevlin9111]

I had a bad meltdown while in the army: I was out in a field exercise with my unit. I had been up most of the night due to being on radio guard and roving guard (roving guard is where you walk around your campsite to report anything off that could potentially be an attack by the enemy). The night before, our location was under an attack (this was all practice with blanks), and the intensity with lack of sleep was a bit too much for my senses. Well, the next morning our platoon goes out to practice evacuating patients onto Blackhawk helicopters, and I was at our tactical command on the radio managing the entire exercise while still listening for 9 line medevac requests and the other companies. A soldier in my platoon kept using my call sign which confused everyone in the exercise, leading to my higher ups to start yelling at me to fix the problem. My meltdown was me throwing a spare radio at my rucksack in the tent, storming out of the tent yelling “I need a d**n smoke!” I couldn’t calm down till the next day. It wasn’t the situation that made me mad, it was just the overwhelming feeling of loss of control and that situation was the final straw. I’m going to see a specialist soon to see if I am autistic because my diagnosed autistic boyfriend and I are highly considering that I am. I’ve been researching into autism in women, and it all seems to connect the dots that I noticed was different about me. It’s not going to change very much other than how I understand myself and what my needs are.

[@soulTraveller144]

Wow ffs this is intense stuff! X

[@DwarfWife]

My daughter (8) and I are watching this video to help us learn how to help little brother and other autistic people in our lives. Thank you. ❤

[@YautjaSpacePirate]

I used to have physical meltdowns when I was younger. Now it just happen more internally. If I feel it coming, I began to swear or I just walk away before it comes out.

[@theresamorley14]

So I have all the symptoms of autism in women and I'm literally having a meltdown over it

[@rrrrrfffff]

I just had a big meltdown last night. I'm really new to the realization I *may* have ASD, so I'm trying to soak up all the info & encouragement I can. Your final thought that "you're perfect & I think you're great" made me smile and feel a bit better, thank you

[@rrrrrfffff]

Also, coming to this realization has been very overwhelming for me, and funny enough, has caused more frequent meltdowns than I normally have, in the last couple weeks... I feel so tired

[@kirstinvincent85]

I nearly had a meltdown today at work. I really had to bite my tongue. I went into the classroom to clean when I saw the teachers in there who I like. I spoke to them about other subjects, and it took my mind off it.

[@PendingGB]

I’ve just been referred for an assessment for autism and oh my for years people kept telling me I’m bipolar and odd this has given me so much insight ! I thought I was having mental breakdowns but maybe it’s been meltdowns all along thank you for this info!!!!

[@Andrea-rw9tf]

This was me Friday night, I’ve been in training for a new job, the schedule keeps changing, hadn’t been able to get sunshine or sit outside. My glasses made me feel out of sorts, I had to do back to school shopping, and then to top it all off Auntie Flo showed up.

[@purplemind93]

It's tough and embarrassing when the meltdowns occur in public spaces. I remember having one on the way to the subway. Don't remember why exactly but the mass of the people must have been the last straw that time. I lay myself on the ground and cry-screamed a while. Another time was also really embarrassing. My relative from germany were visiting and we took him to Old Town. It happened shortly after we arrived there and the christmas market had closed up and ruined my plan. And I lashed out at and blamed my dad and then fled. Fun fact: I had been holding in grief from a breakup from just the week before and the irony is that I wanted my relative to enjoy himself so I made myself look happy... it worked up until that point.

[@TokyoTigger]

Thank you so much for this video, it clarifies a lot of things for me! All 3 of my kids are diagnosed and I'm self-identified. I thought my loss of control and crying/yelling were just being immature and failing at controlling myself the way seemingly everyone else can, I didn't think it "counted" as meltdowns but from this description it absolutely does. The no touch thing isn't always true though, I mean yes when it comes to most people touching me, but my husband just silently gives me a firm squeezy hug for several minutes which really helps. It works because he's my person though and he's just offering comfort not trying to force me to stop it. I wouldn't want other people to touch me.

[@1234kingconan]

I get meltdowns or panic attacks sometimes when I’m out walking my dog I get fearful of people outside and break out into a run to get away. I imagine normal people don’t do this.

[@liasavvi6475]

I really only have meltdowns when there's too much information to handle or when I'm super stressed. I don't usually have sensory overload tho.. I also can't handle even friendly debates in person or even online sometimes because it's so scary. Especially if it's not as friendly.. I never realized why I would burst into tears when me and my mother were having a debate once. It wasn't to get my own way, but because it was too stressful for me.. I'm rlly jealous of people who can have friendly debates an just fine in the end.

[@abbyrosehammond]

Needed this especially today , a 5 year old boy at my alternative provision is constantly winging and his teacher from his normal school is claiming it’s probably autism (he has no diagnosis) but he does it when people say no to him , and it’s very quick and attention seeking

[@abbyrosehammond]

@Dr Yuching Lee um what? Are you aware that’s a scam .

[@abbyrosehammond]

@Dr Yuching Lee well ther is no such thing as “normal” and it’s not a disease it’s the wiring of a brain which you can’t change I feel awful for your child it’s abuse to try and change him instead of help him

[@vickyalberts6716]

I get the circular thinking too, right before a meltdown. The advice of ‘don’t touch me’ doesn’t apply to me though. Deep pressure calms me during a meltdown. Like a bear hug or sometimes I get my bf to lie on top of me.

[@vickyalberts6716]

@Dr Yuching Lee WTF? Autism is not an illness. It does not need ‘cured’. I pity your son.

[@krissyk9767]

I've never been diagnosed with autism but I definitely have meltdowns 😫 One time I came home from work, where I have to keep my emotions in check all day, and I realised I was missing a vegetable I needed to make the dinner I wanted. I just got so upset and starting crying and yelling ! My mum was like "stop overeacting." I think it was because I get super stressed being at work and I just wanted my dinner to be perfect ! Now i live alone so my parents dont have to put up with me. Recently I had a meltdown when the neighbour in the apartment above me started playing his music loud. I just was yelling and hitting my head because the noise was upsetting me so much. Now I have bought some noise cancelling headphones to block out noises in my apartment 😩

[@Roseberry711]

You always make me feel so much more confident in being able to explain such things to others. 💖 I'm always hyper aware that people are staring when I meltdown and it can feel excruciatingly embarrassing. I always watch your videos and play them so my boyfriend can hear, so as he doesn't feel as hopeless when I'm distressed ❣

[@1234kingconan]

This explains a lot about how I get freaked out when I’m out on walks in the big wide open space at the park where ppl have dogs. It scares me and freaks me out and I get panic attacks and have to go home but I stay upset for a long time after. It’s just too much.

[@susansaunders249]

I needed this today. I knew I needed to stay home from work today but, with some outside pressure, I went. After half an hour, I walked out without telling anyone bc I was having a meltdown. I’m home, safe, and in my bed now but unable to speak or explain. I don’t even fully understand. But thank you for this. I forwarded it to my boss.

[@autumnhiggerson6355]

I was Dx'd w/hyfunctioning autism in the last two years. I am 27 to put this context. I recently had one of my worst meltdowns. My family keeps placing me to neurolotypical standards saying you should have controlled yourself and making comets. I have beat myself up so much this last week cause no one understands or will listen to me trying to explain I blacked out. Which I have never had happen before. My father even threatened to beat the s**t out of me cause of it. I have cried and cried over what happened. But this video... you said words I needed to hear and I have cried because I really needed to hear them. I have also shared it with my family. They struggle to understand that I have limits.

[@summero-my5in]

I'm so sorry you have to go through that with your family... allistic people can be the worst when they aren't understanding. You're perfect how you are, and please try not to be too hard on yourself. It isn't just a matter of "controlling yourself" when you're having an autistic meltdown...

[@neurodivergantinkstains3074]

I once threw my phone on to my passenger side seat so hard it bounced up into the windshield, cracking it. The trigger was that it wouldn't connect properly to my car.... 🤦‍♀️

[@krystami5789]

I love in the worst environment for managing it. Always subjected to repeated meltdowns, multiple times a day each day, never a break.

[@anoushkanoller6909]

i become hyper aware of what others think of me in a meltdown. but helpless to do anything. it makes it so much worse constantly worrying about others

[@colin101981]

Thanks for your content. I'm an NT happily married to ND (ASD) for over 40 years. I've found your content one of the most accessible and easy to understand. Diagnosed only about 4 years ago, it's been life changing (in a good way) for us. Very best wishes.

[@MsBauerdog]

I would add to the list of things to do after a meltdown: if you're lucky enough to have a partner that saw your meltdown and was able to help, thank that person. Make sure to tell them what they did that helped.

[@AllGood_Thingss]

Yes 👏🏼❤️❤️

[@yamimartina]

Absolutely! Well said.

[@tiarrasmusic]

This sounds like something I deal with. I do not have autism, however. I have chronic stress and anxiety. When I get a high-end enxiety attack, I may throw something, rock back and forth, tuck my head in and lash out. It just depends on how stressful the situation is. My boyfriend has autism, but I've never seen him with high level of a meltdown. I'm pretty sure one day I will.

[@nicolette1598]

It’s rare. I have autism and the only people who have frequent meltdowns as adults were the people who had parents growing up that allowed them to give in to all of that as a child, which unfortunately is the case for many people with autism. Sadly having all my quirks, and weird behavior made fun of has taught me to control it so idk

[@candidlymish]

"The Frappuccino was the final trigger" = relatable

[@Will-yk6qr]

You're a beautiful person these things helped me identity some panic attacks I wasn't aware of...

[@alanguest1979]

I think I have experienced meltdowns in the past, all I'm aware of is I just "freeze", I'm still aware of the world around me, but I can't think or act. It doesn't last long, but I have felt upset afterwards.

[@rainbowdrops6869]

Thank you for sharing. I know that I tend to throw things, as well. And when I look back, it was always happening after many other things or some other things that were stressful happened before the final event happened. And yes, I might cry, I might lay down and curl up somewhere, I was as well running away when several circumstances came together and people around me, not all of them, but some completely reacted wrong. So when I reflect my self in past situations where I might have „overreacted“ like some others say, there were more than one thing building up until I couldn’t handle it anymore.

[@alexandriaadamsonmusic-aut4575]

Hey @purple Ella! Thank you so much for doing this video as it’s given me a resource to educate family members about the difference between a generic meltdown and an autistic one! A lot of my family have caused a lot of trauma and cut me off, because they will not tolerate when I have one and don’t have the knowledge of what to do when I’m having one! Dorset Council, as ableist as they are had me arrested for having one, and this nearly lead to me taking my life, but so blessed that my faith and some friends helped me through that ordeal! You are such an inspiration! Let’s connect!!

[@simonb9253]

Hi Alexandria, have you heard of the hidden disabilities sunflower lanyard scheme? Police and other authorities are increasingly becoming trained to check if people they encounter in various situations are wearing a lanyard, and approach the situation in a different, slower paced way to avoid escalation to arrest (or potentially an even worse action)

[@alexandriaadamsonmusic-aut4575]

Yes and I have a sunflower lanyard, but the council and police completely disregarded it land said it’s just bad behaviour!

[@BilliesCraftRoom]

Thanks so much for this. My meltdowns were panic attacks but its got a lot worse, like u say there are warning signs but if its a sudden 'ninja cat pounce' situation, then there isn't much I can do about it. Need dark room and silence for as long as it takes to settle again. Im hyper mobile too, exhausting and so much pain isn't it.

[@gruenkariert]

Thanks for the great video about such an important topic! Peculiarly, the recovery period of some of my meltdowns in the past was cut short by me getting distracted and literally forgetting what happened. Not just on a cognitive level - my body seemed to forget it was in total fight mode just an hour earlier! I guess this is my ADHD being a superpower for a change.

[@nusagrace]

This is the answer that I was looking for my whole life. I was experiancing meltdowns since I was 5.

[@bunnybug146]

I've not been diagnosed with autism but I definitely have traits, and this video managed to articulate experiences I've been trying to communicate since I was very small. Thank you!!!

[@nicolette1598]

😂 take a test. You ppl in the comments are very strange. “I think I’m autistic because I have meltdowns too!” Yeah no dude get a diagnosis or at the very least…take an online test before watching KZbin videos talking about a single symptom. You know why I’m watching this? So that I can figure out why I do this and how to stop. It’s annoying when ppl watch this selfishly so they can feel bad about themselves while they pretend to have something they don’t have. You have no clue what having this is like. It’s not like some fun awesome game. It’s a lonely existence. Sure you still “ want” to be autistic? Think again

[@Jenn11111]

Thank you so much for this. I had no idea the feelings and behaviour I was experiencing were meltdowns. I have only been signposted in the last week and I’m 37. The final straw thing is absolutely what I experience…I never understood why I would lose control of my emotions over a seemingly tiny thing but then have all these problems popping up that would come out of my mouth like Tourette’s…whilst crying uncontrollably and knowing everything I was saying was only making things worse for me as the guilt just builds with every new thing I say. I now have something to show my husband to explain what I have never been able to. Thank you ❤️

[@palomawoma]

"I think you're great", right back at you! Thank you so much for this video, I will also show it to my husband, you vocalise things exactly how I feel, but sometimes I'm not even aware of

[@Miss_Elaine_]

I had my first meltdown at work yesterday after being late diagnosed. So embarrassing! I couldn't stop weeping. Was able to go back for a couple of hours then continued weeping once home. 🙄

[@djpsychokid6743]

Whenever I have autistic meltdowns it's out of anger and rage

[@bleeknee28]

My daughter has had numerous meltdowns a day, every single day, since she was born. It drains everything out if me and causes me to have a meltdown or shutdown. She holds it all in when other people are around, so nobody believes us

[@shereenesbitt777]

I believe you my son has meltdowns nearly every day and constant self talk and shouting. I can hardly take him out places where there are people my life is all about parenting my son for 24 year's. I literally dont have a life. So i have so much empathy for you.

[@WilliamWallace444]

Thank you so much! I've been feeling awful after a meltdown and this has definitely given me lots of reassurance

[@indhirafredlund4655]

Thank you Ella for yet a lovely video. This helps a lot. Im 45 and still not an offical diagnose, realized a Month ago why I feel, behave the way I do and have Done. It has affected my emotions of course, so great timing 😅🙏. Thanks, you give so much hope and thank you for Sharing xx♥️

[@KlappeOmDeOren]

"It's never about the flapjacks." (That was THE quote from a few months ago, right?)

[@PurpleElla]

Yes! It’s never about the flapjacks.

[@KlappeOmDeOren]

@@PurpleElla we still need that on a t-shirt 🤣

[@theriseabovecoach]

I absolutely love your content. I am an AuDHD coach and am an Autistic with ADHD. Explaining and helping people (especially those closest to the Autistic) to understand the what, when, and why is paramount to my work. I am so glad you broke this down in this way!

[@-hanako-3912]

Here’s what happened between me and my mom: I was doing schoolwork, (i was homeschooled back then) and one of my problems was hard and my mom was staring at me. I felt like i was being judged. I started stimming (biting my nails, tapping my feet) and my mom was like: “Why do you look stressed?” I froze. I didn’t know what to say. That led to me starting crying and my mother thinking i was crying bc of schoolwork. I decided to start sloppily doing my math problems while crying. The meltdown was getting to me. I ended up doing about 4 problems before i fully melted down. My mom, being the strict person she is, started screaming at me and even threatened to push me against the wall. I started masking after that. I’m in a better situation now, but that one incident will stay with me the rest of my life.

[@a_little_demon]

you okay !? please know that what happened is not your fault, she shouldn't have treated you like this !

[@SoniaJbrt]

Don't agree with: Don't touch us. One person and one person only should definitely hold me tight: my husband. If he holds me tight, I cry and feel better. Sometimes a few times that day that I have a meltdown. I cry when I have a meltdown. Just pure frustration.

[@seananthony9542]

This video is so helpful. I’m 35 years old and haven’t been diagnosed with autism. My partner suggested I go to the doctors to get a diagnosis. I’ve suffered with meltdowns all my life but just thought it was me being awkward. Really answered a lot of questions, thank you.

[@camilous89]

How's it going?

[@UltradarklordHDLP]

Last time I had a meltdown I was in my organic chemistry lab. Lab work is really stressfull in university in general due to time pressure and not wanting to make a mistake (you are working with hazardous chemicals). I was behind in time with my synthesis, and the lab was closing in 30 minutes. I turned off the heat and opened one side of the reaction vessel when suddenly a brown gas emerged and burned my hand. It didn't even hurt that bad, but together with everything else I started crying. When the lab supervisor came and asked what was wrong, I couldn't talk through the crying even though I knew i was "making a scene". And then the vicious circle began of me getting angry at myself for crying and not being able to communicate even though I knew that I was overreacting, which made me even more angry. Also, my supervisor thought that I was in pain and told me that the brown gas was not praticularly harmful, but because of the meltdown I coulnt communicate that the pain wasn't the problem and that again started to make me angry at myself. It went on for a bit but not talking to anyone for an hour helped me calm down. It was still embarassing thought.

[@sarahmancio5739]

This was so informative! My son has sensory processing difficulties with wind and we are trying to figure out everything we can to help him manage. You had some great tips that we will be trying. Thanks! 😊

[@NanaSatR]

Thank you for your videos... It feels so good to hear that "is not only me" that what I experience is part of who I am... Sincerely thank you ❤️

[@millymason6096]

I've only watched 2 videos of yours so far and I've got to say, I love your energy!

[@kateblais--9396]

This was very helpful thank you! Something that causes me to meltdown is when people keep talking about things I've asked them not to talk about with me in general or when I say I can't handle a certain convo at the moment and they keep pushing for it anyways. I feel trapped and I start raising my voice or I cry and try to yell to make them stop. People don't seem to understand my meltdowns and honestly I just now realized from this videos that those are meltdowns I was experiencing. Thank you for sharing this info! I purple you!

[@alystairmabloch401]

I like this format: very concise but detailed. Very nice job. Thank you.

[@tess8541]

I once had a melt down at college... (im 19 btw) The thing that I struggled with is that I notified the teacher intime that I wanted to leave (I did not negotiate a safe space there yet as at a place with loads of animals I previously never needed it). He didnt let me and said some things that really removed my trust for him and well I had a lil melt down and cried on my way home... I wish all people listened to what we have to say when we recognize the warning signs (please note most of my teachers do listen and give me my space. Just this one doesnt.)

[@BjarkiHugrakkr]

I always feel so bad after meltdowns. I tend to lash out at people I love and it makes me feel horrible

[@belledobson2007]

It must be terrifying to have this happen. How strong you are to be able to talk about it.

[@daniellehorn5099]

As the mother of a newly-diagnosed son who struggles with meltdowns, I found this video very helpful. Thank you.

[@GrimlyLizzie]

My autism meltdown is really debilitating, I've been in bed for 4 days now and each day I feel better. Its like a constant panic attack, my insides feel cold, my heart rate rises and I need to listen to soothing songs n watch cartoons to soothe myself. You're videos really help me to feel normal ❤

[@Katieghost3]

I just had a really bad meltdown and managed to identify it as so for the first time. I didn't know what to do at the time but afterwards, watching this video was very helpful and eye-opening

[@katherineseager3363]

Thank you ☺️ This was a really helpful video. I once kicked a metal bin so hard, it crumpled. I managed to replace it (for a different coloured bin of the same model) and my parents didn't notice for months 😂

[@realtracosplay]

Thank you for this, I’m sending it to my partner to watch because he doesn’t know what to do with me and has been calling me childish for having meltdowns.

[@rememberallah5201]

This was better than the 2 year therapy I got. Thank you!

[@dianeibsen5994]

Can you tell me about your therapy wasn't for autism?

[@rememberallah5201]

@@dianeibsen5994 yes it was, it was like behavioural therapy.

[@sense3698]

god im teared up by the '4 things to do when the meltdown's over' part 😢 before i figured out my spectrum i always feel restless whenever my meltdown is over... my family would give me that weirded look and they'll bring it up later and ridicule me.... eventhough i cant blame them cause i was really look like as if world is over only because some 'trivial things' to them... it makes me even worse after having meltdown... my cooping mechanism is to pretend nothing happened and fortunately after years i dont really remember i used to have meltdowns.. (so far it only happened twice thankfully) but whenever i remembered it, it makes me feel bad.. after watching this you make me feel relieved a bit... and starting acknowledging my emotions too... thank you so much for the video!

[@maiynnai]

Love your new video editing and format. A great video, helps so much to know you're not alone.