What is Skill Regression?

Have you ever experienced when you stopped being good at something you had been good at? That's called skill regression and can happen to Autistic, ADHD, and other neurodivergent people.

[@rileygeier3741]

I think an example of this would be in Avatar: the last air bender when Zuko switched to the “good side” and he lost his firebending for a moment, until he learned the true beginnings of firebending and unpacked some of his trauma. Before, his firebending was filled with hatred, and now that he was becoming more enlightened he lost that fire, and had to relearn firebending in a healthier way.

[@caitlunsford2440]

oh wow, that analogy was a lightbulb moment for me. thank you

[@QuietBlackCat]

That’s exactly the example I thought of while watching this video!

[@justahuman9273]

Oh my GOODNESS I was JUST about to say that!!! Wow~ i can't believe someone else already commented this!! 😂😂❤

[@The_TonyG]

That show is still teaching me new things after all these years.

[@goazer2]

That's not really how it works in my experience.

[@jupiter1217]

Wow thank you. I felt I was so much better at being a student and doing all sorts of things when I was in an abusive relationship. That ended and I began to heal, but I lost all my abilities and drive it seemed. I realized the reason I threw myself into the things I did was as a form of escapism. Once I didn’t need to escape, I lost the flow of doing all those things I thought I’d have more focus for. They’re still there, I just lost my way. Bridge is out. Have to build a new one. I no longer feel stupid.

[@AlexShiro]

Thank you for articulating that. Your words make perfect sense. I needed to read that and hear that.

[@ShintogaDeathAngel]

Love your bridge is out, have to build a new one analogy 😊

[@AutisticlyRose]

Aww crap. I was all "great, that explains the crippling decline after diagnosis but it doesn't explain the gradual loss in skill I experienced for years before that...." And then the realization struck me. For years I had been living my life as an example to my sisters. Get decent grades. Graduate. Get excellent college grades. Get married. I tried to follow the traditional path as long as I could but eventually all the girls were out of high school, my marriage had fallen apart right after it started, and I moved 16 hours away. I was no longer being an example and slowly the skills and masks were slipping and how long had I been operating in complete burnout through this whole process while undiagnosed ADHD? So yeah, that theory makes a lot of sense.

[@ilikeshinyobjekts]

IS THAT WHY SCHOOL IS HARDER AFTER LEAVING MY ABUSIVE FAMILY... x.x

[@bellatronics]

@@ilikeshinyobjektsYes, because even before what I learned in this vid, what I have learned years ago about trauma, is that while you are still in the situation, you are living in survival mode. After you have escaped it is when all the trauma comes to the forefront, often when your mental health becomes much worse and the trauma can become overwhelming until you are able to heal which usually means the right therapy and a lot of time. Often means more nightmares & flashbacks, more insomnia and even more anxiety after you are out of survival mode/ living in the situation.

[@alenakoroleva7075]

I needed to hear this, thanks. My audhd symptoms intensified after the diagnosis and I could not understand what's happening. This confusion brought imposter syndrome with it as well.

[@DebraBakerls]

oh me too

[@damiensebastian]

I'm still waiting on testing for audhd but something similarly happened when I was diagnosed with ptsd. Hoping I wont have to go thru this twice when I get tested but knowing my luck I probably will.

[@Ahhhhht]

This is exactly what I’m going through right now 😢

[@queenesreina7424]

​@@damiensebastianhopefully, the fact that, this time, with a second diagnosis, you can anticipate some things, you can also, potentially, put some supports in place that can help you deal with a possible, second diagnosis...and to also remind yourself to be kinder to yourself, this time around.

[@DuDe-qw3zo]

same

[@sarahs.6377]

It feels like Zuko when he loses his fire bending because he's not angry anymore, but if he didn't have the dragons, Ran and Shaw, to open up a new path for him.

[@zoeollie202]

Haha I immediately thought of this

[@aoki556]

real

[@cameronschyuder9034]

I’m so glad I found this. Not only do I understand skill regression better, I think that’s what I’m going through too as I’m in burnout mode and having trouble keeping up with basic hygiene, let alone attending classes and doing work

[@prettypuff1]

Same

[@msandls]

😢 I know how that feels... It's okay to struggle. Not all days will be good. Not all days will be tough.

[@DaroTheDragon]

Same man. My schedule makes me take a shower so I don’t have too many problems with that as its well established but on the weekend or on break I don’t often do those things

[@aoki556]

me too

[@starlight8115]

I struggle so much with just getting up. If I could only get up as soon as my alarm goes off in the morning, I'd be able to do all the things I need to do in the morning and get to uni on time, but it's like there's a heavy boulder I have to lift every morning and I have to consciously remind myself of every reason I have to keep on going to finally get up

[@danidarko279]

"daaayum. so, my understanding of who i am and how i interact with the world was fundamentally altered..." yep. couldn't have said it better.

[@dessieangel1021]

I feel like I had the opposite reaction to when I had my traumatic event. Before it, I was able to access this “zone” of creativity where I was creating for creativity’s sake, without pressure or judgement. It was a lot of pleasure. But after the event, I became anxious, self-conscious. It’s like I couldn’t access that same feeling of being in the zone anymore. I feel like I lost my skill and had been avoiding it for years, with occasional returns from time to time. The skill feels like it’s still there, but the mindset is different.

[@sk_lxr2920]

I went through that too! and I still can't get in the zone like that if I'm not having very big feelings (positive or negative)

[@FirstnameLastnames]

If you were using this as escapism of course it would make more sense that it's harder to do now that you don't feel the need to escape. When I went through this myself with my own healing. I had to learn to channel my creativity from positive emotions, and the feelings of freedom, Rather than bleeding out all of my emotional pain through my fingertips in my creative work.

[@willburbur3793]

Doesnt this just make sense, i dont even know if opposite is the right term. Like he talked about healing a trauma can break this off but im sure a trauma can rewire too and cause you to lose access to some skills that were present before the trauma. You’re traumatized now in a way that is getting you to avoid that familiar path, maybe because it feels less fulfilling or like it distracts you from your problems less?

[@nanszoo3092]

IDk if this will help, but I know that when I went through a devastating trauma in 1996 I just lost my motivation and hope and really struggled to find a reason to keep going on the path I was on, eventually quitting altogether. I ended up settling into a completely different path/job and living a life that was similar on the outside, but very different internally - I was just mostly going through the motions and never got back to the same "person" that I had been. Eventually, I found a new purpose in my new son and built a new life. Even though I never returned to the same person I had been, I eventually morphed into a slightly different, calmer, kinder but less ambitious person with completely different priorities and motivations which helped me rejoin the world of living and do some positive things in different ways. My older children are very critical of this, but I am satisfied that my internal motivations are just as valid as my old ones. I wish I could change some of the lessons I taught them as a very young mother, but at the same time, I appreciate other things that I could probably no longer teach them. I am still struggling with some things in my life as I once again try to rebuild from a devastating loss a few years ago. But I think I can do it, therefore I probably will. I am also getting help through therapy though after a long time of getting ready to accept that help and realizing that I wasn't going to be able to do this on my own.

[@nanszoo3092]

@@willburbur3793 I had a similar experience when I lost someone. All the things I had been working toward became part of what destroyed him in some ways. Like it was never going to be enough no matter how hard I worked - because people still fall through the cracks. and everything familiar felt like a betrayal or just wasn't the same... like familiar things brought sadness and loss instead of the pleasure, fun, or fulfillment it had done before the loss. It physically hurt to do or think of things that touched that part of me that was destroyed by my loss to the point where I just stopped

[@goazer2]

Ive actually learned to gauge my overall mood based on which trees are easiest to access.

[@ShovelChef]

That sounds excellent. I'm gonna try that. Not long ago, I knew I was in a bad place when I "couldn't hear the music anymore."

[@fungustheclown666]

​@@ShovelChef do you have music playing in your head all the time like I do? Or is this something else?

[@adama7774]

I think a better analogy would be using a big steel and concrete bridge to cross a river. But then this bridge thats always been there gets taken out by a tornado. Now you have to find a place where you can wade across the river, drag a rope bridge across, and use that while you slowly build a new steel and concrete bridge.

[@ars6187]

I like this!! BUT…the bridge wasn’t built correctly which is why it’s faulty and cracking and always was, covered only in plywood and props made to look like steel and concrete.

[@justyouraveragehumanbeing7411]

@@ars6187 so its better to rebuild the bridge properly then?

[@goodfortunetoyou]

So basically, if you're in an environment where you're constantly putting out fires and your job is cue-driven, to one where you're trying to do effective time management, it's possible performance can decrease because the desired level of capabilities was being obtained by placed in a bad culture. So fixing the bad culture and retaining performance requires learning habits to effectively leverage new techniques which will enable you to use your full potential.

[@ellotheregovna401]

This is really well said!

[@LPSgirl00]

I had a major tramatic life event happen a few months ago, where my parent died and I had to move out of my home within a month. Since then my ability to self-regulate and take care of myself has been way worse. I was confused because I haven't been depressed enough to cause those changes (I'm on meds and go to therapy twice a week). Now I understand: a lot of those skills were intrinsically tied to my parent, so now I have to completely relearn it all without her. It sucks, but I'm relieved to know the reasons it's happening though. Thank you for helping me understand myself better! 💖

[@queenesreina7424]

I didn't make the connection as to why I've been struggling so much after some major life changes, wondering how much of those skills I suddenly seemed to "lose" were tied to how I related to that person/people and no longer feeling the need for masking, like I did when they were around.... Thank you for your comment, Internet friend! My condolences and all the best of hopes for you 🌻

[@joshickory]

It's like in a city, if a major street is broken, different smaller Streets have to be used and they're not as able to handle as much traffic. Until the new better road is made to reach that area; but you have to build it .

[@FableTheWolf]

Watching this blew my mind minute by minute. It exactly explains the last six years of my life. I've read things about neuroplasticity before and schema theory and about neural remapping just over the last couple years but I've never seen it framed like this before. It all just clicked and I'm a bit sad that I had this information for a while but never put the pieces together. It explains why I'm so shit at everything now and I've lost the skills and functionality that I too vividly remember having in the past. I've spent these past years untangling the mess that was my childhood and the garbage values that were forced upon me and all these things that I've lost are inexplicitly tied to how I survived in that environment. I spiraled horribly when I realized I'd lost everything and that things I used to be able to do just disappeared somehow, and trying to just do these things again was frustrating on a level I could never seem to explain to anyone. I know I've come far in my healing, not enough yet but knowing that I've progressed far enough to essentially destroy my former self; it feels like the highest achievement even if it came with such unforeseen consequences. I'm going to try and give myself a break for being so unskilled and treat this issue like something I have to relearn just like I had to relearn everything else. Thank you so much for this video.

[@AnotherRandomChannel13]

I just wanted to say: Please try to not beat yourself up too much :) I do it all the time, and have struggled with it for a long time, and I realized after talking with my dad (he does it, too) that it's just not productive. You are awesome and amazing for being so resilient and effectively bouncing back from trauma that many people don't have to go through. You are incredibly strong, and I only wish that you knew that! I hold myself to a very high standard, which is what I think you may be doing. I think you are doing great.

[@matthewthompson3830]

Play clash of clans bro Ong it be doing shit to my brain

[@HaloHighlightz]

Same, last six years have been brutal. And right before, I was blossoming in a way I never had before, and then it was like I was suddenly in the sunken place lol literally bottom of the barrel emotionally. I’ve come out of that place but I wish it were faster but I definitely see progress in myself, but it’s still frustrating beyond words like you stated

[@michaelfreydberg4619]

I was thinking that the reason we lost skills was because we were trying to do things the way NT people do them, and once we realized we are ND, the skill gets lost (sometimes temporarily, sometimes permanently), because we were trying to do something our brain wasn’t designed to do. I’ve never heard this perspective before. (As explained in your video). Makes it a double edged sword.

[@mills8102]

This is so incredibly helpful! I wonder if this is why people intuitively resist self-examination, trauma work, shadow work etc. I wonder if entire societies, nations can experience this skill regression effect. Would it be a matter of national security to prevent this? 🤔

[@victorhurwitz5559]

Maybe!!!!

[@mediaguyking7045]

I guess if a big event or revelation happened yes, many big events have changed American society (I’m American) example’s Columbine shootings, twin towers attack, and the pandemic that has affected society

[@Krissy_K888]

I used to work myself to the ground because my parents and brother always told me I won't amount to much because I'm useless. At my jobs I used to be praised so much for how hard I work and advanced on the corporate ladder easier than most. Now after years of trauma work I simply cannot do it. I'm just relaxing at home living off of my savings and it feels so needed.

[@nanszoo3092]

I was called that same word (among others) as a child and teen and it's taken/taking me years to shed. I was always praised in the workplace, but my social skills were not great. I highly encourage you to take the time you need to rebuild yourself. I did that two decades ago and came out of it ready to face the world head-on again although differently than I had done before. Debilitating physical health problems (from trauma perhaps? STILL not properly diagnosed!) brought my professional life to a grinding halt, but eventually, I was able to build a new life over time that was satisfying in different ways. Although I still have the overwhelming drive to be UsEfUl in any environment I end up in. After another huge setback I've been keeping to myself most of the time as I find people and life exhausting right now ... and right now has been going on for over five years since then so I am finally getting professional help since I think that has been quite long enough and I need to get through this before I find my life is over and I've done nothing for forty years. I've been trying to get over this on my own, but just haven't had the mental fortitude to do so .

[@person1420]

Social Skills. - I think I was able to socialize fine when I was in school at least with my classmates but now it’s difficult. That might be because my understanding of myself has fundamentally changed. I want more meaningful connection now than before. I also used to say a lot of stuff that I didn’t mean and that I didn’t intend to say, it would just come out of my mouth. But now I just don’t speak at all in fear of saying something wrongly, or miscommunicating stuff. I just stay quiet cuz I don’t know how my voice would come out (it comes out really softly) and I am unsure of what to say. Before when I was unsure I would say something stupid, something I didn’t mean or just straight up nonsense. But now I just stay quiet. So, maybe cuz I want more meaningful connection now after years of figuring out what I really want and how I want to interact with people, I still have the same troubles as before but I’m just reacting differently to them. My trouble is that I don’t know what to say and how to behave in social situations. If I don’t have a role then it’s difficult to interact with others.

[@amethystdream8251]

I know exactly what you mean. I decided to use the energy I was spending on socializing, on instead crafts specific to who I am and how I want to feel. I still have no idea why society seems to have found the older versions of me easier to get along with or more likeable, but focusing on say, singing for example, gave meaning to me having a voice, and has been helping me to use that voice to set boundaries and move through life. I hope you're able to find those activities that make being you more meaningful.

[@gaynebula6439]

I can't describe how much I needed to hear this. I've felt like I'm just... Rotting away towards a terminal fail state for quite some time now. It's reassuring to know it's fixable.

[@lilliestanley6558]

As I was working with my doctor trying to figure out what my "deal" is, I'm officially diagnosed with OCD but the doctor said he suspects ADHD and ASD too he just doesn't want to put it on paper (it seems I wouldn't be able to afford it anyway), I noticed some regression and it was frustrating but I didn't know what was going on or what I could do about it. I'm still dealing with it but it's getting better since I started putting myself and my needs first and learning about everything that neurodivergent people deal with. I've always felt sooo alone in life, but not as much anymore. Videos like this one help me a lot.

[@kikijewell2967]

Well, that explains a lot, but I have to admit I wish I could go back to the bliss of ignorance. My self diagnosis came about with the real diagnosis of a friend, and the delight and joy I took with successfully masking all fell apart. I've been feeling like I've been stripped of protection in a hostile world, and my new approach - instead of having the power to change my own behavior - is now to be angry at a world that will never change to accommodate my differences. The world doesn't want to hear why my struggles make so much sense. They want to know I'm doing something about it so it doesn't happen again. Explanations sound like excuses today. I'm feeling so much more helpless, depressed, exhausted, angry, frustrated, and resentful. (And this all came about during a contentious divorce during covid. I need to find a stable job to feed and my my kid. really didn't need this.) I'd rather go back to not knowing. Masking gave me purpose and power.

[@queenesreina7424]

"...stripped of protection in a hostile world...." Wow, so much of what you said hit home, especially that part. Masking can sometimes feel like a superpower/secret Identity, yet there's also a realization that it comes at a price -- like the potential to make yourself literally sick, from trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, rather than looking for, or even creating, the right opening for yourself. It's so much harder to see the answers when the pressure mounts, though, and you feel someone depending on you. I hope you'll be able to find the supports you need, in order to find the answers that you need and build a good life, for yourself and for your kiddo. It may not seem very comforting right now, yet, please, realize that it's a blessing in disguise, to have discovered these things by masking yourself so hard that you could've ended up in a literal hospital bed, with a heart condition, followed by an endocrine illness, by a neurological condition, by a series of infections, by a series of skin conditions...all pointing back to the stress of it all. (Yes, ask me how I know....) You may not realize it, right now, in the middle of the struggle, but you genuinely are better off, for realizing the truth, even if it all feels like it's so much harder. It's always going to feel harder to create a new path, yet it'll be infinitely more rewarding and lead to progress in your own life and the lives of those you can now help, simply by sharing your experience. All the best of hopes for you and your child 🌻

[@queenesreina7424]

Perhaps your new superpower can be finding the ways to do the things that need to be done in a way that feels more fluid and is more authentic, taking your needs into account, rather than pretending those needs aren't there. It's actually amazing what gets accomplished when you stop fighting your self so hard. Notice I didn't say how much, but what. The what and the how and the why can matter much more than the how many, when we allow ourselves to prioritize what's truly important. Not only does it call for honesty, it also calls for letting certain things go, things that, at the end of the day, weren't actually that important or even truly necessary. Yet it does require letting go of the ego "fix" masking seemed to give. The great things is that it feels good coming home to *you*, as in finding yourself, and not just the made-up version that kept you from recognizing yourself or from becoming the person that's truly within, that it's an honor to be 🌻

[@ellotheregovna401]

Russel Barkley has a video on the process of grieving a diagnosis (in the context of adhd, but it translates to a lot of other things). I would recommend it, for a little catharsis and self-understanding.

[@angwypengwy]

THANK YOU FOR THIS WONDERFUL INSIGHT!! The algorithm has blessed me 😭 This is changing how I think of myself. Okay so I quit university in 2022, right after the semester where I defended Chapter 1-3 of my thesis. I'm a biology student. Its a baseline thesis where my teachers were expectant about its by-products not just the results, they openly expressed so. I fell into depression shortly after defending it and went off sem. During my self-isolation, I explored my passions in drawing and never opened a biology book again in my life. Whenever I try to read or watch anything related to biology, i feel a panic attack coming through. About a year into drawing, I developed a healthier relationship to learning. You can't improve in art if you aren't dedicated to learning and practices kind self-talk. So, through art, I gradually became able to read biology books, documentary and videos again! Now I love reading more about biology way MORE than what I was learning in university. The curiousity was honest and unburdened. Now its 2024 and my family is anxious for me to graduate. I contacted my adviser that I would revise my thesis from chapter 1-3 so I can reenroll in the new semester and defend the rest. And guess what, I couldn't come up with the revisions! Nothing! I'm actually going to email my adviser tomorrow about my no-output situation, just to inform him of indefinite progress. I learned from this video EXACTLY how my skill was associated to masking!! That's really cool! It still fascinates me and everything described my situation. My masking self needed to put out excellent work, so I developed the skills of time management, sticking to deadlines and research. But now that, I've unmasked that, now that I've shed that self that needed to be competent, I found it hard to access these skills lately. I couldn't edit a word of my thesis and it frustrates and embarasses me. But there might be hope for me. You said there's association to skills, yes? My attitude to learning art made me develop kind self-talk and patience...it replaced the negative voice that told me I can't fail no matter what. I'm scared of emailing my adviser but I really have to inform him. I still don't know how to access time management and sticking to deadlines. Heck, my art progress isn't even time-pressured. I have an active art blog and still fail to meet my posting date goal. But I get it done. So maybe I have to relax my sense of time. And figure out what how motivation works for my brain! I've learned that recently. The most pressing issue to me is I can't seem to love my thesis to finish it. I used to love ants so much now I dread having to see a word of it anywhere. I built a really negative association with it. My current solution is to make a commons notebook of interesting facts about ants and draw it. Just learn about ants without triggering my burnout with research. This is my long story haha 😅 Its clearer to me now. It looks like I have more inner work to do before I'm ready to go back to uni. I have to build those new and positive association if I am hoping to use the same skills to graduate. I'm thankful for coming across your video. I hope you help more people who's just learned to unmask and feel like their getting worse or underperforming. I hope I don't think such words about myself anymore as this journey deepens. Many thanks! ❤

[@ars6187]

THIS!!! YES!!! THIS is the step-by-step process that’s NEEDED for us! That I need!! Thank you!!

[@charlottebuddhistvihara1354]

Update, plz. Cheering for you.

[@charlottebuddhistvihara1354]

You may want to try explaining your thesis to children. (And record whatever you say to them.)

[@frickengamer149]

For the longest time, even though the darkest reaches of my subconscious knew, I had convinced myself that I wasn't neurodivergent. Only in the past year have I managed to break down the biggest lie I've ever told myself. My masking wasn't healthy. I tortured myself to be someone that I wasn't even when other people weren't around. I beat myself up over small things that made me feel different. I would feel like a monster every time I had an emotional outburst. I wanted so badly to just be normal and live the way everyone else does... And I was miserable. Its like I was constantly fighting for not just other people's permisson, but my OWN permission to exist. It was only after getting hired as a cook at Wafflehouse and experiencing all kinds of... "shit" there that I began to re-discover just how fundamentally different my way of thinking is from almost everyone around me. My social skills regressed like crazy, and I didn't understand why. I was under the assumption that I was some neurotypical hypochondriac. I thought that I was pretending to be autistic. This video helped me make that last puzzle piece fit. I understand now that I regressed because, after digging around and accepting that I may be ND, I stopped trying to hide who I was from myself. And because that particular motivation for masking was gone, I stopped doing it in public too. Thankfully, I don't feel like I'm hiding from myself anymore, and I have a better understanding of myself than I ever have before in my life. I don't have a diagnosis, and would like to figure out how to get one in the future, but I figure that it's AuDHD since I feel eerily similar to the people I know that have one or both of those flavors of funky-brain. Thank you.

[@OmniaSubSol]

I do feel like perhaps a hiking analogy might be better? Like the more you walk down a trail the easier it is to walk thru but to make a new trail means it's going to be rough terrain, you'll have to start by walking through and clearing it as you go and each time you re-walk that trail (or pathway) it becomes more well worn and easier to walk until it's a rabbit trail, then a deer trail, then a hiking trail, then a biking trail, then it starts to turn into a drive, then a road, then street, then eventually it becomes a highway and that's the equivalent of a facilitated neuropathway. I know most ppl can relate better to computers than nature anymore which is sad, and that we are discussing neurology which usually translates better to computer terms, but since this video is on such a specific topic and is somewhat out of context, I do feel a hiking metaphor holds together a bit better lol I love this video tho! Wonderful explanation! Not really saying anything I hadn't already figured out on my own but I had no idea how to express it and when you use these analogies it brings the concept together in a more cohesive way for me. I've kinda just been neurohacking off the cuff my whole life and then figuring out as I go that it's actually a thing lol And I mean, honestly I knew all the components of this concept from my research on neurology but again, this really brings the whole thing together for me in a neat cohesive way that really makes it easier to wrap my head around and to use this knowledge to help with things like real time neurofeedback and just having a bit more conscious control of how I'm rewiring my brain as I go. I hope that made sense lol. Thank you for posting this♡

[@user-zn4wl4qc7n]

okay, damn, i've only watched 3 of your videos but you are now my new hyperfocus and favorite youtuber. this was an amazing video and helped me so much. thank you!

[@Snowhype]

Wow...just wow...and thank you for this explanation. I have AuDHD and I thought I was showing some signs of early dementia. I get confused when trying to do things I was used to, my anxiety levels skyrocketed, I'm tired all the time and things seems just meaningless. And although I'm very lucid and aware of everything that is going on, I feel as dumb as a bucket of rocks. Maybe is dementia, but this video gave me some hope. And hope is everything!!! So thank you again!!!

[@mayhoinville9687]

🎀 This makes a lot of sense for me. Abusive family, I tried to please them by studying as hard as I could, making the best creative projects that they would for sure be the proudest of me for. Now that I've escaped from them, it's not necessary to please them, so my entire pathway I've used for basically everything I love is severed and I need to reforge that connection to those skills with actual self-fulfilling reasons to do them.

[@gloriousblobber9647]

I’m glad people are able to look at these things with a keen eye.

[@ZeonGenesis]

I haven't gotten my diagnoses yet but I've been observing myself letting more and more go the more convinced I am that I'm auDHD, yet I can feel myself still holding myself up, using all my strength to not let go. I have a feeling that once I get my diagnoses, I will collapse with fatigue and I won't be the same after. I figure that's what's part of skill regression after diagnoses, finally allowing yourself to let go.

[@chasing_the_good7260]

This explains so much for me over the past 3 years. I am growing and changing through: capitalism burnout, coming out as trans nonbinary, healing from narcissistic abuse, falling out of touch with a parent, ending some other relationships for the sake of my wellbeing, and grappling with the notion that I am almost certainly ADHD, possibly with some autism too. I performed SO well alllll the way through my academic career and channeled unbelievable amounts of energy into my first FT engineering job; on the heels of that, I've got tons of imposter syndrome and shame to work through about why my brain doesn't work as well as it used to or why my neural pathways feel so convoluted. Thank you for laying this out -- your explanation allowed me to reflect on my life in a way that empowers me to release some of the shame and confusion accompanied with the extra heavy-lifting I've been doing as I grow and change. 🙏

[@jvckpott]

i have been dealing with a few of the same challenges (being nonbinary, having adhd and probably autism), and i totally agree. when i discovered i was trans (as well as w adhd and prob autism) i feel like i had a major mental/emotional growth spurt. my whole personality and understanding of myself and my place in the world changed entirely - and for the better! i feel far more comfortable in my own skin and interacting with others than i did before. but, i’ve also since struggled a lot more with motivation than i think i did before, like my anxiety just doesn’t drive me like it used to (which is probably ultimately a good thing, just doesn’t feel like it yet). it’s something i feel like im having to work a lot harder at, but this video helped give me some hope that it won’t feel that way forever. i hope everything is going alright for you, and wish you the best of luck with everything moving forward!!

[@fractal_cedar]

Same, to pretty much all of what you said - 3 yrs of struggling, trans/NB, discovery of ADHD+Autism, family stuff, engineering, capitalism burnout, skills regression, and how f-ing hard it all is. I'm with you in parallel. I had to leave engineering before my career even really kicked off. It sounds like a joke and in some ways it could be if one has a dark sense of humor. I have compassion for us both, laughing or not. It's so incredibly rare, healing, and validating to not feel like I'm not the last of my kind when I spot another someone like me. Thank you for sharing so people like me know we're not alone.

[@danielpintard7382]

I have also been struggling with burnout and have been beating myself up over how I could’ve been able to breeze through University before, but now I am slogging through my courses and research. Thank you so much for sharing your experience, I hope that we can all pull through and see the better side of these struggles soon ❤

[@ArisAzul]

I have the same background as you + NC with whole family + abusive romantic relationships We basically need to "reparent" ourselves. I'm just now learning my limits and when my body tenses us I have to say cheezy things to myself like, "it's ok.", I love you, you can do this, it's ok to cry, that was horrible but you're safe now, etc. It's embarrassing but it really helps. Maybe if you're able to get assessed, it would help you feel more confident about your challenges being valid. That is if you are able to get an assessment. I had to find a local organization that would pay for mine.

[@someguynamedelan]

This popped up during my morning drawing exercise. I felt I lost my skills but gained something much deeper during the Covid Era. I am trying to gain what I have lost back. It's nice to know it isn't completely lost, just harder to access.

[@riverstein7251]

This explains why I feel like a newborn baby seal when I try to do something athletic. In the past that was something I used both as an escape and a way to make my parents happy. The threat that was driving that behavior before is now gone, so I have to find a different kind of motivation to do those things if I still want to. Come to think of it…I think I went through this with my creative skills a couple years ago too. I was always praised as being a “genius” for reading and writing stories at a young age, which was mostly my escape from an oppressive and confusing world, but at some point became a crucial part to my survival socially. My disinterest started as college burnout, but it was “pruned” when I found out I had autism and my parents implied they never worried about me having autism or needing help because I had language skills and “was clearly a baby genius.” Yeah…their ableism added another layer to the perfectionist parent trauma I had since my “genius” was apparently not only a part of the masking skills I used to gain the approval of my parents and peers, but what also denied me access to help.

[@trex9822]

former "gifted kid" here too. i feel you 🫂

[@themanwithtomanyeyes8282]

I noticed that letting go of expectations and believes improves retaining ability to remember how to do things or achieve optimal state of mind to perform them. Similarly how some people become emotional after experiencing failure. But others improve not to get overburdened with stress incorporate necessarily skills to get to the solution.

[@songdrop_350]

This explains it Once I got my anxiety and depression under control and I'm not living in a survival mode it changed some things Doesn't help that the ADHD that I didn't know I had because the depression and anxiety was covering it up is now very present I never noticed the ADHD but once that blanket was removed I noticed a hell of a lot of things I could do and couldn't do I thought I was able to do the things I needed to do while I was in a transitional living program but I struggled so bad and it caught me by surprised Once I realize that yeah, I am very neural divergent and healed and came to terms with things I lost some of those connections

[@josephmartin1540]

This explains a lot! Brilliant!

[@updownleftright883]

I would kill to be someone that didnt lose their skill every 2-3 weeks of being good at something. Im honestly convinced im cursed because of this bs. I hate people that are better than me i really do, the simple reason is i cant stay good at it. They just improve improve improve but with me think of it like a chart, it goes up & up & then suddenly drops back down to the very bottom all at once & i have to get better again & then i suddenly become bad again, repeat. Ive searched everywhere for an answer but I find nothing & people make fun of me which further amplifies my hatred

[@trebaneconapise7793]

That sounds like a very interesting phenomenon!

[@updownleftright883]

Yeah except in my case its very frustrating and unnecessary, i just went 3 months there being absolutely terrible at anything, nothing i did improved me until a week ago i started to see improvement again & youll never guess what happened today… skill regression happened again. This is the reason i have depression and have no interests or passions. I honestly feel like killing myself even more bc of this bs,

[@user-xv3bl4xl6t]

Please don't lose hope ❤

[@DasOrangensaft.]

Have you looked into dissociation?

[@TwdlD]

I don't know if you've tried trying to reconnect using a different area of the brain? I'm in a bit of a process myself using games for children to help them build skills for memory, visual spatial, and pattern recognition. But 😡 ADHD won't even let me get started.

[@HannahFields444]

I never considered the driving motivations behind skills. That's worth being aware of regardless of skill regression. I want to choose with intention whether I'm driven by passion and love vs fear and trauma. Thanks for this!

[@flux.aeterna]

I wish everyone was taught this. We’d all have a little more grace for each other.

[@AnotherBrainArt]

This can explain s lot that I’m dealing with and this sucks so hard. My whole entire work life was social masking , majorly working toward constant success to make myself valuable. I hit burn out. I also notice basic things like left right, understanding some concepts and stuff are a huge struggle. I unfortunately also have autoimmune disease and fibro etc. my fibro is severe now and the headaches. So much yuck.

[@RoseBeariess]

I feel so much better about myself. I’m a writer and ever since I’ve started remembering, processing and healing from my past trauma, my writing abilities has decreased. Now I’ve improved it in other ways, like it’s richer now as overtime I’ve understood the craft better. So nothing detrimental. However I used to be able to crank out like 10k+ words per day and a couple times managed to write an 80k word manuscript in a MONTH. I cannot do that now to save my life. And I almost struggle at times with immersing myself in it like I used to. That’s so interesting!

[@Miss_Elaine_]

You could also understand this as a function of monotropism. I have to drop things to learn new things, but those old things are still part of me. To an outsider though, it might look like I've been different people at different times of my life. Odd. The way you film this reminds me of the full on conversation I had with myself last night... 😂

[@Name-ps9fx]

Wow, this is HUGE for me! I began a "healing process" about 14 years ago, and ultimately ended up resigning from work that I'd done for 30+ years, as well as a major hobby I'd always been interested in...in my mind I literally felt perceived the "paths in my mind" had worn down so much that they no longer were interesting, enjoyable, or useful. Like a forest path that was now surrounded by a clear cut forest with erosion scars. Complete devastation within my mind, even more so within my "soul" (at a much deeper level than mere intellect). Unfortunately I haven't been able to find any new "paths" with which to connect to my old life, in fact I sense that my very Being has been cut loose from everything I associated with "living/being alive." I don't know where to go from here. Hell, I don't even know where "here" is.

[@astraamarante6233]

This is exactly what I needed to hear. I’m learning to love myself and I’ve had parts of my life where it felt like my ability to draw just tanked. Interestingly, though, things have gotten easier for me since I started learning to love myself, and I never lost my drawing spark through the realization that I need to love myself! May happen later, but when/if it does, I’ll be able to remember this and not feel so bad

[@PloverTechOfficial]

I didn’t realise that my short journey into KZbin today would give me answers on my recent brain fog memory loss. Interesting!

[@t8sh]

Super appreciative of this explanation🙏. When I have asked, no one has been able to answer to why I can't execute the tasks I used to be able to to do with ease. I didn't even know skill regression was even a thing until a reel popped up on Instagram. This is the first explanation that has given me hope. Thank you sincerely.🙏

[@depleteduraniumcowboy3516]

Oh, well... this sucks. I would prefer denial and disassociation please. I don't understand why those aren't working any more. Meanwhile I've got to pay the rent.

[@holstatt6896]

You've hit your limit and are about to break like a dam giving way.

[@depleteduraniumcowboy3516]

@@holstatt6896 You're right. I did and I did. It is wild how long it took.

[@holstatt6896]

@depleteduraniumcowboy3516 humans are strong, yourself included. We can endure a lot. We still got limits tho. I hope things are doing better since the break down, and that you find whatever support you are gonna need.

[@aoki556]

😭😭

[@VTPPGLVR]

Makes me wonder if the driving force behind me tackling large projects (e.g. casually writing 800 words per writing session) was something I dropped recently. Like “my internal needs to move around and take breaks are flaws to ignore” or something (resulting in writing becoming twice as difficult as it used to be)

[@JustAutistic]

This explains how brains affected by damage/impacts, have other ways to access those pathways.

[@paigemama5904]

Wondering if brain changes occur in puberty and menopause that can cause some regressions.

[@leenaparsons9876]

Omg thank you so much. I seem to have lost the ability to mask recently along with other skills, which I came to realize were "accessed" by constant hypervigilance related to trauma. I've been making a lot of progress with my mental health yet experiencing setbacks in other areas. It makes so much more sense now.

[@helencampbell]

Very helpful - thank you Jeremy - I am very late diagnosed (only a year or so ago at 58) and this makes sense now

[@khalamari_42]

Thank you for this very informative video! I was wondering why for the past couple of years (after realizing I might have ADHD [recently diagnosed] and level 1 autism [not officially diagnosed yet]) I felt like I had "lost" a lot of my skills along with abilities to learn and focus as well as I used to.

[@michaelt4007]

Damn, it's crazy how much I needed to hear all of this. This hits exactly upon how I've been feeling for a while now.

[@haidejames5281]

Thank you for posting this - your videos are so validating and bring not only insight and understanding but also hope, acceptance and compassion for the self and for others. 💚

[@bruhmoment8984]

THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH! When I heard the character go:"oh fu..." I laughed because I literally said that 2 seconds prior. And I'm really at the start of journey towards healing, having shifted just some of the views I need to, but I can already very clearly see this effect at work. There's nothing else to do but stick to the plan, keep working towards improvement and hoping for the best(while trying to keep damages from my diminished skills to a minimum). There's kind of a liberating feeling in hearing that my problems have a clear cause I can actually start pointing my resources to however slowly that is.

[@DuDe-qw3zo]

Wow. Self-diagnosed about a year ago at 46. Divided my life in a "before" and an "after". Didn't know this was a thing. So it's the healing that is so exhausting - and why I'm so much more autistic then ever before! Slowly getting it...

[@solidus353]

Thank you for explaining this! I'm going through a perspective change in some areas and my baseline performance at work is also suffering. Partially, it's because I feel a certain animosity towards my coworker. As i'm working through that anger and releasing it, it leaves a void. Like taking the battery out of the remote. Now i need to work through finding a new power source.

[@The_TonyG]

Wow! Wasn't looking for this at all but very happy to have stumbled upon it. Really insightful and helpful. I am both stunned and relieved upon learning about this.

[@jvrock7]

Oh my God I was literally crying by the end wtf. This. This is the information and help I want and need from a therapist

[@ohkaygoplay]

I didn't know about this until now. Dang. And here I thought I was just an idiot like usual.

[@jul.escobar]

As someone who worked in IT at same job over 8 years, knew it back of my hand. Dealt w a lot of trauma in a year and lost so much, comnections broken . Have felt the need to write so much out, repeatedly Im literally rewriting and rebuilding life.

[@laurellhamilton8254]

Thank you so much for posting this, because it explains so much that I’ve been struggling with for a bit.

[@KarenCro]

This was very well articulated. It describes exactly what I'm experiencing the last two years. It feels never ending but I'm also learning and discovering so much about my new found self.

[@ollielon5926]

I don't know how I got here, but could this be why I'm no longer a "good worker" because I no longer believe in working for "the man" and therefore, I have no need to work harder and learning new job skills is "harder."

[@ellies6563]

Thank you 🙏

[@thedistinguished5255]

i was so much better of an artist when i was trying to impress my crush, and i had a few crushes (muses? as they were historically called) that carried me for years, but a few months ago i realised i didnt like having crushes because it was just as hard on them to reject me and upset me as it was for me to get rejected and find a new crush, and suddenly i dropped from drawing more than one thing a day, to drawing a thing about every 3 weeks (also, im relearning my entire sexuality because apparently i didnt want anything in particular in the crushes i had lol. i think i fundamentally misunderstood what a crush was and my main motivation was seeing for how long i could avoid rejection, as opposed to "butterflies in my stomach". weird)

[@thedistinguished5255]

i think its partially just growing up, becoming more privilleged as an adult with rights - and realising i can be powerful enough on my own to be able to take rejection from some people, because i dont need help from Everyone. in worst case scenarios, i can even take rejection from entire groups of people, as its usually a domino effect. even if i can't fix it i can just move on to a different group of people, and it actually costs less to do that the less effort i put into masking and Trying to get people to like me! obviously i dont live in a vacuum and i still need help, but i can afford to wait for people who wont have silly and unrealistic requirements, or requirements that are a waste of energy (what is more practical: if we all demand from each other that we try to be kind, or if we demand from each other that we look fashionable? being kind is more practical) so, i dont care about rejection as much as i used to..? or at least i dont see a point in trying as hard to avoid it as i did before. and all of a sudden i realised ALOT of my skills, more than half, were developed to impress people and show that im worthy of taking my needs into concideration, as much as anyone elses. This change is so hard because it is really good motivation, but it also always has me end up with people who only tolerate me at my best, and undermine that my needs ARE worth taking into account. it makes it look like they only are sometimes, and that is quite hurtful. i guess im still rejection sensitive in a fundamental, practical sense, still scared of being denied things like housing, rest, etc. i just dont want my rejection to depend on the small and unimportant things i do anymore sorry to make the comment even longer than it already is, i guess im prepared for noone reading it, but thanks if you read this far ^^. being raised as a girl probably did contribute to me masking so much, and trying so hard to impress everyone, because it seems like a "girl" strategy to convince everyone to help, and a "boy" strategy to find inner strength, to the point that girls are REQUIRED to be someone deserving of asking for help, whether they ask for it or not (and boys often arent allowed to ask for help🙁). i think part of why i tried to be nonbinary was to erase this neural pathway of trying to be desirable all the time.

[@erikaedwards6241]

Thank you for this. I am going through this journey right now and have heard vaguely about skill regression, but have never had forgiveness for myself for it. Your analogies were very helpful in me realizing that it can't be avoided, it's not my "fault." I'm NOT a failure, I'm NOT regressing as a human, and I AM doing so much rewiring that it makes sense that certain things would be difficult again. It also helped me start a list of skills that I noticed regressing and analyze how they were related to a masked behavior. Eye-opening. This video was crucial for me. Thank you so much.

[@Happysoul_3]

This social media has taken a huge toll in everyone's mental health..its creating trauma, imposter syndrome also this film industry has sexualised everything..the loyalty in realtionship, friendships has dropped down. People are experiencing ADHD, bipolar, Bpd, autism, Asperger, generalised anxiety, PTSD any of these disorders in today's times.

[@awkwardathena434]

Thank you... I'm going to go cry in a corner now but sincerely thank you

[@Fillup82]

Your brain has moved that skill to a new box and put it in storage. Thanks brain.

[@growing9143]

Well said. I love this explanation and relate to it a lot.

[@jupitersky]

Damn, very good explanation. Never considered that this was possible, but it totally makes sense.

[@mac1733]

Incredibly well explained and executed.

[@_milkysoup]

I got diagnosed with adhd at 22 and autism last year at 25, had no idea of either until right before both of them. It’s been a struggle ever since and it only gets progressively worse with all of it triggering more anxiety and depression too.. Last year was the worst year of my life. I’m adopting a dog in two weeks now, hoping we can help each other out a bit. I really need help to keep going cause all this rewiring is killing me

[@talkingcake]

That was enlightening. Thank you.

[@kalidoscope3270]

Wow! That was brilliant! Thank you so much!🙏💝🥰

[@pikadragon6826]

A good analogy could be a road network. If a once major road gets shut down, the cars that used to travel that direction will need to find a different path to get to their destination, and will take a while to find the routes. But after taking the new routes for a while they will stop needing to check where they are as often, stop taking wrong turns, and will be able to get to their destination as fast if not faster than before. We can even use this analogy to differentiate between differences in what aspects of skills are kept, where certain information could be likened to a car using gps or a car that already used the alternative route.

[@sophieleng9041]

Wow.. thankyou so much for this video. I've never heard of skill regression until today. It has blown my mind but at the same time, brought so much peace of mind!! I feel so embarrassed when I seem to have "forgotten" skills which were such a big part of who I was. Atleast now I know its just part of the journey!

[@CyraNoavek]

Wow, thanks. This was great.

[@rainbowfranklin]

Is this why when my dog died I lost my ability to draw for a few months?

[@piperspurpose3005]

Me too. Kitty died, mom died, a friendship ended abruptly. Drawing seemed like it should be a calming stress reliever, but instead it makes me anxious. So I swatch colors and thats as far as I get. 😊

[@rainbowfranklin]

@@piperspurpose3005 It was like my skills regressed several years for a few months. After he passed all I wanted to do was be alone and draw but it seemed like I couldn't draw anymore at the same skill level. I got back into I just by scribbling and reviewing my art books.

[@askdrportia]

Thank you, this was extremely helpful. I appreciate your nod to the effort it takes to find a better way, and how exhausting it can be

[@wrylife57]

Wow, ok, so does this only happen to neurodivergent people? I have never been tested (though I might be and I think several close family members are) but after watching this realize that I have experienced skill regression many times in my life. Most notably when learning a new task at a job after being highly proficient at the original job. I backslide in my skill in the first job when I am just at the point of "getting it" on the second job. Another example, I am studying French online and had a week or so where I was acing all of the lessons and aware of new understanding and comprehension when, bam, I was struggling to type a cohesive sentence in English. This regression is always brief for me, never more than a day or two, but very obvious every time. I always just took it in stride as the "moment" when my mind was conquering the new thing. I never struggle long-term with the original skill, it always comes back fully. Do I need to be tested for neurodivergence?

[@person1420]

There was a thing I learned in the Learning How to Learn Videos. That right before we understand something it feels like all our understanding goes away we become confused and that is because the connections are changing or something Chat GPT: Yes, what you're referring to is often described as the "illusion of knowing." This phenomenon occurs when you're learning something new or attempting to understand a complex concept. Just before you grasp the material fully, it can feel like your understanding is slipping away, leading to confusion or frustration. This feeling typically arises because your brain is undergoing a process of restructuring and forming new neural connections as you learn. When you encounter new information or concepts, your brain initially tries to make sense of it based on your existing knowledge and mental models. However, as you delve deeper into the material and encounter complexities or nuances, your brain may need to adjust and refine its understanding. During this period of adjustment, it's common to experience a temporary loss of clarity or confidence in your understanding. This is because your brain is actively reorganizing its neural networks to accommodate the new information. As a result, you may feel confused or uncertain before ultimately achieving a deeper level of comprehension. Understanding this phenomenon can be helpful in the learning process because it reassures you that temporary feelings of confusion are a normal part of the learning journey. By persisting through these moments of uncertainty and continuing to engage with the material, you allow your brain the opportunity to solidify its understanding and integrate the new knowledge effectively.

[@ArisAzul]

Ok... Thank you so much for this. I'm a single parent to a child with higher support needs and I haven't been able to go back to work for the last year. My dream is to go back to school to get my masters of art education and possibly go on to get a PhD to perform experimental research in learning. This pSt year that I haven't been working, I've been attempting to rewire my brain of my Mal adaptive coping mechanisms from abuse and most days I'm focusing on the basics and trying to keep both of our stress levels low. I've been scared that this will always be the case and that I'll never have the ability to return to university. I've never felt more at home and happy than in an academic environment, so I really hope I can get back there ❤

[@codiesinclair7940]

This is exactly what i needed to learn right now

[@ShovelChef]

😐 Some part of me is furious. That I didn't think of it sooner? There is coffee loud music and running in my future. Until this guy stops screaming.... At least it's nice weather. Here we go. 😌☕ 13 minutes, 1 dish, half a cup later... This knowledge is actually a tool I can use in s surprising number of previously seemingly disparate cases, possibly even helps me recommend techniques to my friends in new contexts 🤔.... 20 minutes, 2 good songs, 1 subscription later... I just said "fantastic" out loud, almost wrote "cathartic" just now (tyac 😏), and if I haven't deluded myself, the work I've been doing for decades might pay off (a little less slowly). 😈 Fantastic. 4 days, several work hours later, I've gotten stronger in a few ways. I'm thinking about the difference between expanding existing highways, vs building new ones (in my brain and body), and trying to plan the next week accordingly. I can't let myself get too obsessed with that encoding though; I can't let the plan take more energy than the execution. Having enough faith to improvise is a way not to lose sleep by over-planning. It's also the worst way to miss deadlines.

[@consuelonavarrohidalgo5334]

This video has been so helpful!!! Thank you very much, ❤❤❤.

[@eugenetswong]

You inspired hope in me. Thank you!

[@Lumie_Moth]

GOD this explains a lot... Thank you...

[@IAmJustFlux]

Wow. . . I've been going through this for about a year and a half after a mental breakdown and also learning of a disease, along with ADHD and Autism. . . I thought it was all lost and I just wanted to know how one day I wake up and most of myself and skills are gone...

[@elisakrivas]

This explains so much and is so helpful. Thank you 😊

[@RosePolloi]

Wow, yeah. This was what I needed to hear.

[@Liandra24]

Since I don’t know if I have autism, I have wondered about something. Every time I have had to start from scratch in learning algebra despite years of not having used it, I learn it faster than I did before. I have relearned algebra 3 times.

[@lizziegreeneyes]

Thank you so much for your content!!!🤘

[@carlac9782]

Without going into my current situation I will say that this was Providence for me to find this in my recomendations. It could be explaining a lot for me. Thanks.

[@cathcolwell2197]

I vigorously fight and ignore my struggles w trauma and its results. It’s too much work just to get through the day.

[@fearfulpixel6165]

I might have the wrong idea, but could this also happen to skills like reading? As a kid I was constantly reading, and I was really good at it, even to the point where I’d have to bring in my own books because my school had nothing that was challenging for me. I was even planning/still am planning on writing my own stories But suddenly one day during my teens, I couldn’t do it anymore. My eyes wouldn’t track/“flow” across the page as easily at it used to, and I started panicking because i was taking A levels in literature that literally depend on this skill to pass. I felt like a massive failure, and the “main good thing” about me was gone (I was also going through a massive depression that didn’t get noticed until I was 22-23)

[@StatchanaReborn]

This was so good 🎉❤ never thought about it from this perspective! Need to study more!

[@RutabegaNG]

That was oddly helpful. Even when it started falling apart. 😏 I'd heard of skill regression but I didn't really know how to applied. This made it makes sense. Got the ADHD diagnosis years ago. Decades ago. As an adult, but it's been a while. The ASD in addition, that's new. Suspected for several decades, despite the fact everything I read said that you could only have one or the other, but it hits a little bit differently when it's confirmed.

[@thedevil1667]

I had exactly the same thing!!!! Suddenly my musical ear is malfunctioning. Like I can't find the tones. My hearing is fine but my brain just doesn't understand. I've been trying to heal it. It's really weird I thought I had something physical. Or that I was crazy

[@mama_o4]

This video is so helpful 😮 Thank you for this insight!

[@ZhovtoBlakytniy]

I am dealing with this issue. I have/had? a lot of skills and just lost a lot of ability to do them as well. It feels like a brain fog. I figured I'm just distracted. Then I heard about skill regression and it felt like things got even worse... So I blamed the placebo effect. Rewiring seems to make sense, I'll just keep working at it and fet some skills back. Some I don't even care about, I'll spend more time on the ones that matter much.

[@julianp430]

Would you happen to have any research papers or sources on this topic?? It’s really intriguing and I’d like to look more into the points brought up in this vid!