What is the Relationship Between Codependent and Counterdependent Traits and Personality Disorders?

[@bella3775]

In a sea of pseudo therapists on YT, your channel is a breath of fresh air. Thank you Dr!

[@kirstinstrand6292]

I'm clearly counter dependent; my mother's drug is called Jesus Christ. She lived not for her family, on an emotional level, but for her faith in God. And yes, I am too Independent and exceedingly self sufficient, not entirely by choice, but by life's circumstances. Long into adulthood she would trap me while I was driving my car and try to convert me back to Christianity. Yikes--LOL. Of the 100s of videos I listened to for self understanding, this one has given me the most insight. I could expound on counter dependency and how massively conflicting it's been on a significant Male relationship I've had, however, this is not the place for that conversation. Thank you for this insight Dr G. Excellent video. I feel overwhelmingly relieved.

[@AlexRyan]

The self-centered or grandiose trait associated with the counter dependent might be a misperception of the person who is being treated unskillfully by the counter dependent. They don't behave that way because they think they are better than you. They behave that way because they believe relationships to be dangerous and they are afraid of being harmed.

[@Marcelube]

Dr Grande. Could you please give us some more education on counterdependence and how to deal with it to lead a better life? Thank you for all always, Dr Grande.🙂

[@leilaschafernak-perez8814]

M Carmo he liked your comment. do you know if he’s uploaded a video on ur suggestion yet?

[@josenavas9968]

Dr. Grande; very interesting and informative sir.

[@DrGrande]

Thank you!

[@iluzija2660]

I believe that a codependent person can become counterdependent as a result of bad experience in relationships (defense mechanism)... I am really interested if it's possible vice versa.

[@cutiepie4183]

iluzija I am a living example

[@MeAnINFP]

I just recently realised as an adult that my Mom is codependent, and from this I'm counterdependent.

[@kaytay7122]

I think am counter dependent because my mother was a very co-dependent narcissist I counterbalance that with being counter dependent,

[@pennyvlogs6948]

That's interesting and I see myself as counterdependant and I have some traits from those 4 disorders. You're pretty accurate.

[@abdullaalteneiji6533]

It only depends on the diagnosis of the professional of the illness.

[@Marcelube]

Sometimes I wonder how Dr Grande keeps his cool surrounded by so many "deep" topics and people!

[@justme-ld9xz]

Thank you very informative. Dr Todd Grande, could you do a video on the effects of overbearing/anxious parenting on mental health of the kids well into adulthood? I've got ADD and I feel like there is a link with how I've been parented. My mother used to tell me to not go outside because it creates trouble, and I realised I'm quite careful as a result. When I burned out in college, I would have social anxiety and agoraphobia as symptoms luckily it went away quickly but it got me thinking there are some subconscious beliefs I took on as a child that still work in my mind that I may not understand fully (does anyone?). I'm not afraid of risks, but I am a very routine kind of person and I don't have conscious reason for it. It makes me uncomfortable to switch up my routines. Also, I used to be very codependent where I'd put other people's needs before mine before they even have to ask. It makes sense to me because my mom has always been so overly worried about everything I didn't really do the "exploring" I needed for healthy brain development. Not to blame my mom, I love her and she did the best she could. I just wonder what I can do about that, and if there's basis for this in research literature? Edit: another insight that just struck me. I'm not into overgeneralisations of the brain, but the prefrontal cortex is associated as the driving force of the brain the part largely responsible for our executive functioning, and we know all executive functions are affected by ADHD. Also kind of ties into my story, of having an overbearing mother that actually did "control" me to ease her anxiety, which might have psychologically trained me to put the development of my PFC on the backburner?

[@marcelaperalvo8806]

Can an entire family have different personality disorders?

[@raphaellavelasquez8144]

Diagnosing-what's the point when to so many effective treatment is not available?

[@abdullaalteneiji6533]

Thanks you

[@UrbanArtCentral]

On your point about counterdependent has no correlation with cluster A, i have a different esperience. My mom has many (almost all) os the STPD traits, many OCPD traits, and many of the counterdepence traits that you mentioned. So I'm inclined to think that such comorbidity does happen.

[@rejaneoliveira5019]

Fascinating video!👌🏼

[@SK_TorON]

Super interesting!

[@angelamossucco2190]

Wow!! Counterdependance!!!! Is there a lay person book about this??

[@neililofteus6343]

Thanks for all the accurate information in your videos. I'dd like to know what you think about a codependent/counterdependent being a covert narcissist as well. Some psychotherapists and others on You-tube think it's possible.

[@emmanolan1250]

Watch the video he covered what your asking

[@BackBrainKicks]

Great video Todd. I'm a little unclear why counterdependent couldn't also be borderline personality disorder mainly as expressed in men? I wonder if this is why many counterdependent men get diagnosed as APD or NPD reflexively?

[@timwatkinson5632]

Dr Grande Would you be able to post something about pathological or irrational feelings of guilt and how these might relate to the Personality Disorders?

[@remnant1018]

If you are not controlling, you never get angry, and you don’t enable the other person, but you have low assertiveness, can you be codependent? If you don’t like being dependent, you get anxious when people get angry with you, but you do try to help others, you have several close relationships, are sensitive to the feelings of others, feel like you’re an average person, feel like their friends understand them, and like having intimate relationships, can you be counterdependent?

[@mommabear5059]

So many people I know, including myself, exhibit a variety of these traits. Probably most. Are there any normal people left in the world?

[@GnosisMan50]

Normal? Well, I'm reading a book titled *"Normality Does Not Equal Mental Health: The Need to Look Elsewhere for Standards of Good Psychological Health"* by Dr. Steven James Bartlett. He puts into serious question our entire mental health field. His publisher describes his book as a *_multidisciplinary work. Bartlett critiques the presumed standard of normality that permeates contemporary consciousness. Showing that the current concept of mental illness is fundamentally unacceptable because it is scientifically unfounded and the result of flawed thinking, he argues that adherence to the gold standard of psychological normality leads to nothing less than cultural impoverishment_* In other words, being normal is not normal. What we ought to striving for is being exceptional and it seems our mental health practitioners lost sight of that. The question arises: where are the Carl Jung and Freud's of today? We have enormous advances in biomedical research and robotics but I don't see any in psychology that is truly transformational. From my own experience with disorders, I don't see them so much AS disorders because that word, "disorder" has negative connotations and it's all too easy to internalize it negatively as part of our identity. To me, disorders are not mine per se, but the result of living in an often f**ked up world and parents who were not there for us, especially when we needed them most. Disorders are the result of living in an imperfect world. Because of this, my mission in life is in seeking the truth of things from those who know better like Dr. Bartlett and many other practitioners at the Mad In America web site. www.madinamerica.com/ Perhaps you might be interested, in it, Momma Bear. In reference to your marriage and those all over the world, I recall Dr John Amodeo who said in his book "Being Intimate" that *_"A successful relationship requires considerable work, primarily regarding our own personal growth. The romantic myths we grew up with ignored the fact that we first need to grow as autonomous individuals (at least to some reasonable degree), before we can sustain a meaningful primary commitment with another”_* I often believe that many marriage fail because they did not know this important fact. It's not easy to cultivate a better version of ourselves but it's the only way to make a marriage a joyous and lasting one.

[@Opelteanit]

Well, a lot of psychiatry is moving away from "is it different from what I think is normal?" that was normal with the older psychoanalysts to "does this cause a serious amount of dysfunction and distress in that person's life?" So technically you could have traits of every single personality disorder out there but if you're able to function relatively well, you don't have a *disorder*.

[@malabuha]

Hey MommaBear:) sure there are normal people out there. I came to realize that human psychological setup is designed to conform to fit society. We're social creatures. We sort of do it instinctively. It is only when we struggle with that, that we seek help from therapists.. they can help find a perspective that would aid individuals to fit in better and enjoy their rships :) it's all normal..

[@marcpadilla1094]

Its a phenomenal despicable existence that goes back to childhood. The child was never supposed to be an individual worthy of dignity and respect. Always an ingrate, severely flawed ,and the target of hostility.

[@nadineprice1753]

Can you please cover masochistic dependancy disorder. I have just got out of an extremely abusive relationship with a malignant narcissist trait male. I then became totally submissive and masochistic. I was abused as a child and have bpd. And as he was physically, emotionally, mentally and sexually abusive, I tried to control what he did by offering myself to him to abuse with safe words but as long as he loved and soothe me after... Which he never did. He preferred the usual abusive ways. I tried to get police to charge him but because of his manipulation of me. Making me text I give him permission to hurt me. He got off with it! I feel so broken.

[@kaytay7122]

Co dependency A need for control a need for approval YES , Abandonment issues YES , Boundary issues YES , Difficulties managing anger and frustration I HAVE FOUND WAYS TO COPE , Not being very assertive NOT TRUE , Not trusting other people I OVERLY TRUST AND I AM HIGHTLY SENSATIVE , I HATE BEING OUT OF A RELATIOSNHIP BECAUSE A RELATIONSHP IS WHAT GIVES MEANING

[@akricket2956]

If my toxic FOO could name it, ie-fight, flight, freeze or fawn? They could take it away as a defense mechanism, through shame and guilt. I found rejection, couldn't be named without admitting weakness in them and it became my defense mechanism. If someone REALLY is worthless, they don't have the power to hurt through rejection, right? Even a little kid can figure that out. It was MINE and they couldn't take it, without admitting I had worth to them or they were wrong. Stalemate. I found the safest defense mechanism, with the least direct punishment. Except a kid depends on her family to survive and needing them, was a weapon they never failed to beat me with. By the end? I just wanted to be left alone. Every encounter was the equivalent of being dragged toward a bark chipper and being punished for not diving in head first. I know why I did it and now I don't need it any more. My best defenses, have now become my worst attributes. Time to change and do it healthier. It's the same as recovering from alcoholism. Recovery never ends, not trying isn't an option and falling off the wagon is gonna hurt worse each time. Sigh, I despise my foo.

[@AlexRyan]

In a world where it is uncommon for people to genuinely care for the wellbeing, needs and best interests of others and common for people to seek to use each other as tools to be manipulated, counter dependency seems like a rational strategy to erect boundaries.

[@noneofyourbusiness5091]

Could you do a video on, in your opinion, should borderline personality disorder be in the same category as narcissistic personality disorder?

[@chrisnamaste3572]

Most borderlines have significant narcissistic traits but this is a result of their borderline issues; that is the neediness is so high that they are entirely focused on themselves and filling the emotional needs they have. So i call it secondary narcissism: arising out of the borderline needs.

[@t-man5196]

How does counterdependency relate to the schizotypal personality disorder?

[@kaytay7122]

A need for control a need for approval YES , Abandonment issues YES , Boundary issues YES , Difficulties managing anger and frustration I HAVE FOUND WAYS TO COPE , Not being very assertive NOT TRUE , Not trusting other people I OVERLY TRUST AND I AM HIGHTLY SENSATIVE , I HATE BEING OUT OF A RELATIOSNHIP BECAUSE A RELATIONSHP IS WHAT GIVES MEANING

[@neililofteus6343]

Flower on the hill

[@user-wj3yr7xr2f]

You just summed up the last 6yers of me dating hahaha!

[@kaytay7122]

I am not 100% as I DONT have Fear of intimacy. I DO HAVE Aversion to being dependence to an unproductive degree normal to be somewhat dependent on another, Fear of abandonment YES, Fear of rejection YES, instead of being over dependent people detach two response to the same stressors, Strong, independent, confident, tuff, resilient, self-reliant, self-sufficient alomancy and product. Low level of trust I DONT HAVE I TRUST TOO EASILY AND TOO MUCH. I DO HAVE

[@malabuha]

Hello KeyTey, your last sentence sounds so cute :) you have no trust issue, but you think you trust too easily too much.. isnt that a trust issue? Just noticing... it just sounded cute :) i do the same thing

[@Deborahboenke2]

I think most of these personal disorders are what someone has done to you apart from from some seam to be heritage

[@kirstinstrand6292]

Dr. Grande, if you are really, really good, you just diagnosed me over the net. Not possible? I think it is if the data is good quality. HaHa! It took years and years to get here.

[@kaytay7122]

Anxiety DONT HAVE Distant cold detech, avoidant, Self-centered NO. Perfectionist YES, Vulnerability as a weakness NO. CAN’T STAND HELPLESSNESS. AM VERY Insensitive Not forming close relationships NOT TRUE FOR ME. No one understand me YES Am too good NO, am special or unique YES And that relationships will end with painful outcome avoid relationships you avoid pain NO